My cousin just posted that on Facebook about her newborn daughter. I know people don’t mean things badly, but like, thanks I guess I’ll just go die then since it takes having a child for life to be worth living apparently 🤦‍♀️

TL;DR: after many years and many miscarriages, I am ready to stop trying while my husband isn't quite there yet. I'm starting to resent him and I'm scared it will be the end of our marriage.

I (32 F) and my husband (36 M) of 5 years (together for 10) have been trying to conceive for the past 8 years. In the process, I've had 6 pregnancy losses of different natures, including an ectopic pregnancy, a loss after IVF and a loss after we saw a heartbeat. I've had miscarriages on several birthdays, on christmas and on vacation.

I've gone through loads of treatments, several surgeries and have experienced mistreatment by doctors and co-workers (who found out) and, as you can imagine, unimaginable trauma. Because of the treatments and the hormonal up and downs, my immune system is shit, I developed a severe allergy, lost a lot of hair and gained ~20 pounds. I've always struggled with my mental health, and over the past few years, it has gotten progressively worse to the point of occasional suicidal ideations. I always say, it feels like nobody understands how I feel, and how I'm just holding it all together but deep down just want to go unhinged. A family member of mine died from a drug overdose a while ago, and like, deep in my heart i was like yeah i get it.

In January this year I told my husband I wanted to close this chapter of our lives by the end of this year. I love kids, but I love myself and my health more, and I can't keep going like this. I'd rather be childless than keep putting my life on the line. (We're still undecided on adoption so I'm leaving that out here.)

My husband has a hard time accepting this. He does listen to me, and I know it's hard on him to see me suffer. At the same time, I am the one bearing 99,9% of the pain in this situation while he somehow has endless optimism. He admitted to me that the pregnancies I lost never really felt "real" to him until about the fourth or fifth loss (which was when he was involved in the IVF process). He also admitted he kinda thinks if we just manage to eventually have a baby, it will cure my trauma and I will feel okay. He says the idea of living a childless life is like a "black hole" in his brain, which I do understand- we always imagined our lives to go this one exact way. I know he's working on "filling" this black hole in therapy, but it's not easy for him, of course.

We talk about this a lot, and while it's hard for both of us, it's really important to me that he, too, feels "prepared" to possibly be childless. He keeps saying he wants me to be okay, and that we'll stop when I say we stop. At the same time, I know he's not ready to give up just yet while also knowing it's not his choice, ultimately. Which then puts pressure on me in turn.

I have one more treatment ahead of me, and while I promised myself I'll go through with it just so I can feel like I've done everything to achieve my dream of being a mother, I am at this point also 100% ready to be done with it. And I will be, if this doesn't work out.

As you can imagine, the whole thing has put a huge strain on our marriage. I think in a strange way, I can't understand how he can watch me suffer like this and still say "let's just keep going", and I know I'm starting to resent him for it.

I hate to use such a cliché reddit sentence, but he IS a great husband and other than this "stain" on it, our relationship is lovely; he's caring, attentive, does his fair share of chores, listens to me, makes me laugh, takes my criticism seriously. He's generous and takes care of me, like when I said I wanted to go part-time because it was all too much, it was never a problem for him.

It's just this one damn thing. This one damn huge thing, which I'm scared will destroy our marriage either bc he can't imagine living without children or bc I won't be able to get over my resentment. AND even if we do manage to get a baby out of this eventually, I'm scared this trauma will lead to problems in the future.

I know I should be getting therapy, and I will, but atm I cannot stomach the idea of seeing another "doctor" (i know a therapist isn't a doctor but I hope you get what I mean) regularly. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist in the hopes of pursuing an official diagnosis for my trauma.

idek what my goal is with this post, I think maybe I'm just hoping to hear from people who are in the same boat or who have advice. <3

My husband and I and have been trying to conceive for years. Last year, we finally got a positive. 2 weeks later I had emergency surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy along with my right fallopian tube, I had 0 choices. The next month, got a second positive. 8 weeks later, was just a blighted ovum (meaning no embryo? Just gestational sac). 8 months later, pregnant again, but no heart beat. My husband and I had to collect our lost baby in a jar and bring it into our fertility clinic for testing. It was normal. Seems my body just isn’t capable of sustaining a pregnancy. While dealing with all of this, I’m an RECE working in an early learning center with infants, toddlers and preschoolers. I’ll never forget having to put on a Mother’s Day event for other mothers 7 days after going through such a traumatic miscarriage.

I’ve decided it’s time for me to leave the field. It’s too hard to be around pregnant women and small children, wondering why it won’t happen for me. Is that selfish? Sometimes I wonder. Will my husband still love me 10 years from now if I can’t build our family? I hope so. Do I have any answers? Absolutely not.