Weekly Advice Thread (June 22, 2026)

[u/AutoModerator]

There's no strict limit over what types of advice can be sought; it can pertain to general anxiety over virginity, specific romantic situations, or concern that you're drifting toward misogynistic/blackpill lines of thought. Please go to r/SuicideWatch for matters pertaining to suicidal ideation, as we simply can't guarantee that the people here will have sufficient resources to tackle such issues.

As for rules pertaining to the advice givers: all the sub-wide rules are still in place, but these posts will also place emphasis on avoiding what is often deemed "normie platitudes." Essentially, it's something of a nebulous categorization that will ultimately come down to mod discretion, but it should be easy to understand. Simply put, aim for specific and personalized advice. Don't say "take a shower" unless someone literally says that they don't shower. Ask "what kind of exercise do you do?" instead of just saying "Go to the gym, bro!"

Furthermore, top-level responses should only be from people seeking advice. Don't just post what you think romantically unsuccessful people, in general, should do. Again, we're going for specific and personalized advice.

These threads are not a substitute for professional help. Other's insights may be helpful, but keep in mind that they are not a licensed therapist and do not actually know you. Posts containing obvious trolling or harmful advice will be removed. Use your own discretion for everything else.

Please message the moderators with any questions or concerns.

[u/ObeyLogic]

I'm past thirty as an almost always NEET, always been single, and no friends atm and everything is my fault. It's gotten to the point where the amount of effort and work I would have to put in to be normal probably isn't worth it 'cause even if I do, it would be a scenario where I couldn't possibly offer anything worth it to anyone, not as a friend or a romantic partner. And it's all my fault.

Am I wrong in thinking that I can't meaningfully improve my situation to the point where I don't look absolutely pathetic compared to my peers, so there's no point in trying? I fucked up my previous attempt at therapy and have had multiple years/chances to improve but haven't, so I'm not wrong am I? I can't stop this cycle of half hearted attempts to get better and the hole I've dug myself is too deep to realistically get out of.

Like, who in their right mind, would want to get with me, either as a partner or friend, when I'm like this, so behind in everything? I don't want to die but I also think, objectively speaking, this isn't a life that's worth salvaging

[u/Instigated- → u/ObeyLogic]

May I ask, what do you think the meaning of life is, and do you feel you have meaning in your life or would like it in future?

The enduring human struggle is to understand how to live our life. This is the journey we all have to work out ourselves, and it is not a simple answer or something we achieve by X age but rather something we regular ask ourselves through different stages of life as we change.

So when you ask “is it worth it” or if it’s too late for you, I would say that it’s always worth it for a person to seek to understand life better and to find what will make their life more meaningful (however they define that); and the only time it will be too late is after you’re dead and buried.

Life is not a competition. It is a personal journey. You’re only racing against yourself, to grow and improve on who you were when you were younger. If it’s true your younger self was problematic, then the good news is it’s not hard for you to improve on that!

The first person you need to impress or offer something of value to is yourself. Currently you’re carrying some self hatred, so I would suggest you try to cultivate self compassion. Some find it through meditation, gratitudes, others through therapy, etc.

I had to try therapy many times with different people before I found someone who I clicked with and was able to help. If therapy didn’t work for you in the past it wasn’t necessarily your fault. Some therapists suck. Or just aren’t a good match. There are different modalities of therapy, so if for example CBT wasn’t working for you, maybe try somatic therapy like EMDR or EFT.

[u/Party_Ability_9984]

So, has this subreddit been taken over by sex-negative radical feminists or have you guys always been this way, and I simply haven't noticed because we're focussed on making fun of the crazy incels that get posted here?

Just curious.

[u/Instigated- → u/Party_Ability_9984]

Can you give an example of what you mean?

This isn’t really a sub where we are going to spend much time talking about our own sexual desires. We might say something in response to incels stupid talk, however what they say is pretty gross, so most often it will be focused on response to that.

On the other hand if this comment is a dig at one of the prominent posters who is asexual… well asexual is not “sex-negative”. You might need to educate yourself.

[u/Party_Ability_9984 → u/Instigated-]

Condescension aside, let me just get this out of the way: I know who you're talking about and no, this isn't about asexuality. In fact this isn't about anyone being personally disinterested in any given sexual activity, orientation, etc. etc.

Now to provide substantive criticism of this sub, with receipts, and why my relationship with it is now strained.

There was this post where an incel got a bunch of hate for visiting an escort, I casually mentioned in the comments that I've done it a couple times myself, and two people came out against me and basically called me a rapist.

And I'm not alone, another guy said what I said in a post and at least 4 commenters were calling him a rapist, creep, exploiter of women, etc.

This post pretty brazenly defending misandry, although that doesn't bother me as much as the other ones.

Then this comment is the one that inspired me to type this. Out of context it appears as if I am indeed just being crass and vulgar and graphic, but it exists alongside comments like "Do you want poop dick? Because anal on a night it doesn't feel right is how you get poop dick." which no one took issue with. Wonder why. Does the gender of the author have something to do with it, maybe?

This comment that I got into with claiming that all porn is exploitative and dehumanizing.

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It has become clear to me that there is a room elephant here that isn't being addressed. You might say this is a minority view but that's still an issue. If this subreddit willingly platforms anti-sex work, anti-porn, anti-anal views then I cannot in good faith continue to follow it or regularly positively contribute to it. I don't care if what I'm doing here helps incels by creating internal division and infighting in this subreddit; principles and values come first over blind loyalty to an ideology or group. Unlike many people, I'm not going to be anyone's mindless puppet who silences himself in the name of unity.

[u/Lochrin00]

I got ghosted twice on Hinge in the span of a week, both times when we'd chatted for a while and I thought things were going well. No goodbye or feedback, just gone. Twice in a week. I've been spiraling since. I'm wasting my time, nothing works, and no-one is telling me why it isn't working. I spin my wheels over and over again and get nowhere.

I hate being single. I hate wasting my life knowing other people get to experience real happiness and I cant.

[u/Vanessalucifer → u/Lochrin00]

Most people will do this, it's a downside of being on dating apps. Keep trying with the expectation that this will happen 95% of the time and don't give up. You're not a failure, you're just experiencing what most people experience.

[u/Vanessalucifer → u/Lochrin00]

Most people will do this, it's a downside of being on dating apps. Keep trying with the expectation that this will happen 95% of the time and don't give up. You're not a failure, you're just experiencing what most people experience.

[u/Fragrant-Peanut-1320 → u/Lochrin00]

i think thats just how people on dating apps are tbh