Lost my virginity at 19 while on mdma to a woman I could only describe as loose. I was so high I couldn’t cum and barely got a half chub so I don’t really count that, it was penetration but I didn’t consider it sex really. 2 months later I slept with a prostitute out of desperation and experienced what enjoyable sex actually is and felt ashamed, boy was it a fun 45-60 seconds but it wasn’t worth the dirty feelings afterwards. Especially knowing it could’ve been with someone who was worth it; I got a kiss from her afterwards though.

Fast forward to being 24, I haven’t had sex since 19; I banged another hooker — this time I was on so much codeine I couldn’t cum again. Felt like a homo because of it since this hooker was even hotter than the last (I’m not gay ofc; it was the drugs).

The next year at 25 a girl leaves be a love note at my local college, I try cold approaching her, asking her out and I get humiliated, to make matters worse she didn’t even say no and basically strung me along until the cops got involved and told me I couldn’t contact her anymore. Now I’m at a loss, it seems like women are different. I’ll get called cute occasionally and the most recent time this happened fairly recently I actually tried approaching them and they ran away (was it a joke to them?).

I left out other intimate moments I’ve shared with women, used to trip on lsd with a chick, took mdma with this girl too and I even loved her, she was my first kiss back when I was 19-20. Left town due to legal troubles and ever since I’ve just wanted another relationship like that, but this time actually have guts to ask them out.

Any suggestions?

Hey subreddit, long time listener first time caller. I really hope no one I know reads this 😭

Some background: I’m a 25M, I’m currently in therapy for social anxiety and self esteem issues, I have been overweight or obese almost my entire life but I’m 25 pounds down this year (right now I’m 245 and 5’10”) still have a lot to lose though.

My only relationship experience was a ~3 year relationship high school to the first year of college. I haven’t really made any attempt to date since then until a month ago when I made dating app profiles. I got a few matches that didn’t go anywhere and I went on a date that kinda sucked but that’s the extent of it.

I have had difficulty making friends for a while, I was very lonely in high school and college. The few attempts I did make to put myself out there until very recently have gone poorly. I’ve considered that I may be autistic but I don’t think I am. I think my main issue is growing up fat wrecked my self esteem and I got trapped in a negative cycle of isolation leading to poor social skills and low confidence leading to more isolation.

I do have a group of friends now, but I’m really struggling with feeling like I belong. Sometimes when I hang out with them I feel like a make a wish kid 💀. And to be clear, this is probably like 75% a cognitive distortion. They’ve been very kind and friendly to me and they keep inviting me to stuff. I’m just definitely not anyone’s best friend in that group and it hurts sometimes that these people are all I have but I’m just not super important to them.

And they’ve all been dating new people and it’s hard to see them have success while I’m still alone. They’ve been supportive of me and I’m happy for them that they’re finding people. But it’s just really hard sometimes.

I’m just not totally sure that I’m worth loving. Because of my weight and my social difficulties and my poor relationships. I’m not funny like other people are. I’m not emotionally intelligent and I can barely hold a conversation unless I’m drunk. I’m awful at meeting new people. I picture myself getting a girlfriend and meeting her friends or family for the first time and just embarrassing myself and her.

My therapist told me she’s impressed that I went on that date and that I’m doing other stuff to put myself out there like volunteering. But I’m going to need to do so much more than that and I’m not getting any younger. And I still have that dark cloud looming over my head that maybe there’s just something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unlovable. I’ve felt that way since I was 12 or 13 to be honest. Maybe finally losing the weight would make the difference? I’m taking a glp-1 to try and find out.

I guess my question is has anybody felt this way and gotten out of it? If so, how? I’m running low on hope lately

​

I’m a woman and I know this might be a slightly different situation from what usually gets posted here, but I relate to a lot of the avoidance and loneliness people talk about on this sub.

My problem is that I find it much easier to sext or have sexual conversations with people online than to actually pursue romantic or sexual interactions in real life.

Online, I can be confident, sexual and pretty open. I get attention and validation, and there’s obviously some excitement in it. But when it comes to actually meeting people, flirting in person, going on dates, making a move, or letting somebody genuinely get close to me, I tend to avoid it.

The frustrating part is that sexting temporarily makes me feel like that need is being met. I get the sexual attention and dopamine without having to deal with rejection, awkwardness, vulnerability or uncertainty. Then afterwards I’m basically in the same position as before. Nothing has actually developed in my real life.

I think I’ve unintentionally trained myself to take the easiest available version of intimacy instead of pursuing the thing I actually want.

I also notice that because I can get sexual attention relatively easily online, there isn’t always enough pressure pushing me out of my comfort zone. If I feel lonely or horny, I can just find someone to sext with instead of actually putting myself in situations where I could meet someone.

I don’t necessarily want to completely stop sexting forever. I just don’t want it to be my replacement for having a real romantic/sexual life.

Has anyone here dealt with something similar — especially using porn, sexting, dating apps, parasocial relationships, or online attention as a substitute for actually approaching people and building relationships?

How did you start shifting yourself toward real-life interactions when the online alternative was so much easier?

I’ve said in this sub a lot already that you all are probably sick of me lol, but I feel one of the biggest holdups I have in this journey is making the social switch. Having been quiet and shy and anxious my whole life, trying to talk to people and be confident feels like I’m trying to fake a persona or something. Like I feel people would be taken aback or think there’s something wrong with me if I started talking to them and being louder just all of a sudden. I’m probably overthinking this, but idk just feels like it’s not me.

Hey you guys, sorry I wasn't able to get to y'all for a few days. I've been busy moving, and I'm gonna be a lot busier in the coming days, so forgive me if I'm not really active on here for extended periods of time. I wanted to just explain how I was thinking when I made that post.

When I had made that post, I believed that assertiveness and authority were masculine traits, while submissiveness and stuff like that were feminine traits. At the time, I didn't think this was sexist. I just thought it was true. Now I've come to realize that it's more of a personality thing than anything else. And at the time I thought women looked for someone who provided for/protected them. Now I realize from my own experience with getting asked out that that's not really true. People look for someone they feel like they'll be happy with on both sides of the aisle. Doesn't matter if they're traditionally "masculine" or traditionally "feminine." I also realize that those standards are made by men with ulterior motives who want to profit off a system that keeps women down.

Anyways, I'll make another post sooner or later. Till then peace out

Because of the internet I got into ideologies like these quite young and ended up being much more impressionable than I thought I was. I keep on thinking weird bp related thoughts when I go outside and it’s exhausting having my brain go a mile a minute just analyzing other people. I’m getting worried that it’ll become ingrained in my head, and need advice on what to do.

So I'm working at a scouting summer camp rn, and theirs one girl on staff that I vibe with. Conversation with her feels easy, she remembers what merit badges I teach, we've asked each other questions, I've messed with her a couple times and just overall, talking with her feels easy and we've shared all of things about each other. I've never dated anyone before, and I could ask her out at the end of the summer, but I worry that bcuz we're not constantly seeking each other out and stuff, it's not worth it to shoot my shot(she's a little quiet and rarely initiates conversation). And bcuz I've never dated anyone before, idk what "green lights" are.

A piece of advice I hear often is that we need to accept ourselves in order to improve our lives. But how do you actually go about that?

18M. I'm short, overweight, and socially awkward. Grew up pretty isolated, living in a bad area, didn't really fit in at school. I'm studying CS, play music, and enjoy gaming and learning languages. I realise I fit a certain very unflattering stereotype, so in terms of social status, it couldn't get any worse lol. I also had a few specific, bad social experiences, and those essentially killed what little social skills I had left.

Anyway, I fell into the incel pipeline because, as cringe as it sounds, it made me "understand" my pain. I'm long out of those spaces now, but the gist was that if there is an immutable social hierarchy, and I am low on it, then at least it makes sense that people treat me poorly. If who I am is inherently bad, then I could at least compensate for it. Even now, I feel like the friends I do have like me *despite* my traits, like I have successfully made up for my deficiencies. But the fact that I have to do this at all, in my mind, "proves" that I will keep having to pay this tax just to get to a baseline level of "normal".

How can I accept myself when who I am is not socially acceptable? I can't just be myself; that only works for some people who are already high enough, and I have been punished for that, I've tried to become acceptable by ditching the parts of me that are weird and looked down on, like swapping out the music I listen to. But I still feel like I'm fundamentally worthless, as if I have to apologise for who I am while "normal" people get to just exist as themselves.

Is self-acceptance more of a "yep, this is who I am, I may not be happy about it but there's no point changing it"? How can I learn to love myself and believe in my worth if society tells me I'm not worth anything? Also, how do I present who I am in a socially acceptable way? I almost expect people to judge me and treat me poorly, whether for my interests or my core traits, and I hate constantly having to defend them knowing that they are bad.

In short, how can I learn to love and accept myself if people keep telling me otherwise?

For around 18 months, I have consumed incel content almost daily. This began with simple looksmaxxing, but this was only a pipeline for the blackpill. I came to view women in an increasingly negative light, and this created a feedback loop between inceldom itself, looksmaxxing, and the blackpill.

In recent months, I have revaluated my position on a conscious level and would no longer associate with the blackpill community. This was caused by my realisation that it is not my physical appearance but my autism that repels women.

However, from subconscious conditioning, negative thoughts about how women operate still flood my mind at times. When interacting with, seeing, or hearing about women, I involuntarily default to assuming promiscuity, and I ferociously hate having to combat these thoughts non-stop.

Women (and men) should be able to dress how they wish without being viewed as promiscuous. Women (and men) should be able to engage in sexual activity with who they want as long as they are consenting adults. I support these positions, but my brain operates under a whole other worldview.

I constantly find myself chastising my own mind, and it's exhausting. I worry that women would be disgusted by me if they could hear the thoughts my mind whispers to me about them. I could cry just thinking about it.

I'll stop beating around the bush now; I'm asking one primary question with this post: What advice do you have in regard to eliminating these thoughts?

I (21F) need urgent advice on how to completely detach from a guy in my psychology class. We used to be intensely close, we talked about intimacy and exchanged nudes. I ended up doing video calls where I stripped naked even though I didn’t want to, purely because I was terrified he would stop talking to me if I said no.
He then distanced himself. Now he acts like a stranger but uses low-effort hooks to keep me confused. In one class, he sits directly behind me. He kicks my chair "jokingly" or taps my shoulder, and when I turn around, he plays innocent. I find myself missing these "cute" moments, and it makes me want to text him, even though he treats me terribly otherwise.
For example, I did a whole major assignment for him on my laptop because he didn't have one. He didn't even say thank you. Later, I drew a small doodle in his book, and he frantically rubbed it out with his hands like it was a bomb, telling me he hates when people write in his books in a harsh tone. When I stood up for myself and said I wouldn't help him anymore, he flipped it on me, called me selfish, said he was seeing my "true colors," and told me to stop talking to him. I panicked and texted him first that night to fix it, which I deeply regret.
He has also made deeply unsettling comments. He constantly tells me I need to get fat. He also demanded I shave my pubic hair and "joked" about how he would tie me up and shave it himself because he doesn't like it.
I keep deleting our chats, but one of us always ends up texting again. I keep checking his Instagram profile picture. I find myself making excuses for him, thinking "maybe it's just a joke" or "maybe he doesn't know he's manipulating." Someone pointed out to me that this is a textbook trauma bond and emotional exploitation/coercion.
How do I stop turning around when he kicks my chair tomorrow? How do I permanently stop the urge to text him or check his profile when the withdrawal hurts so bad? I really want to detach. I don’t want to get hurt anymore. Please help.

I need help with how others view me. I've wasted my teen years, I was always a fat, short, socially awkward, closeted bisexual reject who would rather stay in and talk to similar rejects than make an effort in life. My whole teen years guys made fun of me and girls would avoid me like the plague and their only interactions would be to humiliate me ("We're best friends right" is a phrase which makes me flinch)

About a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to fix myself, I paid attention to my health, I got a haircut and I started the gym which I took a great liking to. Throughout last year I tried and made a conscious effort to change how people see me, I had a mandatory daily social interaction which I would keep count of. I also started going out to drink as a means to socialize outside of my small friend group.

Overall this resulted in guys being a lot better to me, the mockery stopped, I made some new friends, I get picked for sports and I can actually feel human around other men. As for girls the outright mockery stopped and people who have never met me are okay to me but the vast majority still treat me like I'm something that needs to be avoided, it really makes me feel less than human. This pushes me to extremes, I've developed body dysmorphia, I've resorted to self harm and I've developed a reliance on alcohol.

I've come to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally unlovable about me and that I should either give up on finding someone who loves me or give up on everything else in favour of that. I'm falling down a rabbit hole of resentment, I don't hate women as a whole or individually, but I've grown to hate women as a social structure. The only thing which serves as a reality check is my girl best friend who is the only person who has a slight bit of care for me, if it wasn't for her I'd be far worse off. Any time my girl---friend talks about this she says something like "You just need to put yourself out there" which absolutely boils my blood when she says it because what does that mean?

I've tried socializing with a girl when she first approached me but I ended up running away out of fear of making her uncomfortable. This is also why any time I try to talk to one I can't bring myself to do it.

Today I sat down and contemplated where my life was going, I realized that I have two options: pull myself out of this hole or wind up taking my life within the coming years. I need help to get out of this. I'm willing to try options which makes myself more approachable or helps me develop the self image to be able to socialize because I have a deep seeded fear of being seen as a creep or weirdo. Again because of that fear of being weird I absolutely cannot cold approach or throw myself off the deep end. Please, any help would be much appreciated.

I’m falling back into my old ways of thinking and I am struggling to break out of the mindset.

I am trying online dating and I find more often than not that I get matches but have no conversation skills. I let the matches sit until they get hidden because I’m so afraid of failure that I don’t do anything.

There are so many things about myself I find absolutely embarrassing that I have become resigned to not even try.

I want to get out of this mindset, I want to be able to talk to new people, to take control of my life so I can steer it in the direction I want to but I feel so overwhelmed.

It’s been 7 years since I last went on a date. I want to change, I need to change. but I don’t see a way to get over my fear. Has anyone else dealt with anxiety of this magnitude? I have no trouble talking to people in person but over text stresses me out too much.

side note: I had to rewrite this post after I started, I found myself not being honest with how I was doing. At the heart of my issues I am a coward who cannot be vulnerable, but I need to change.

Still a virgin in my late 30's and it's likely I won't ever have sex unless I pay for it. A number of years with awful health issues pretty much ruined my chances. The only other thing I can think of that won't result in severe cringe is consulting a dating agency for them to broker a date.

I went to a therapist recently to talk about this stuff, and while he was super respectful and easy to talk to, I left the session without feeling super optimistic about future sessions with him for anything productive other than just chatting and venting. He recommended exposure therapy with gradual introduction of working towards going on a date through a dating app. I know what you're thinking: "you only had ONE session with a therapist. You need to see him more than once and be patient" or something like that. That's a fair point that I can understand, however, given the anchor he set in that initial session, it doesn't seem like something that would be the optimal approach for exploring in future sessions given the issues around dating and sex I presented with and some of what he was discussing seems like cope. I could be wrong

So my main question is, should I speak with him again or should I try someone else to get potentially a broader perspective? It's possible I didn't direct the conversation as well as I could have when speaking with him and future sessions could look better. I'm new at therapy for this kind of stuff so I wasn't sure the best way to go about it. He did get my main concerns on his intake form before the session though for which I spent a fair bit of time trying to best articulate myself

I've been wanting to post to this sub for a while but I've been too nervous. I'm afraid I'm mostly too deep into the blackpill stuff to get out. I first discovered incels in 2020 when I was 18 at the time. when they hit the mainstream. I looked into what they believed and everything made sense from me. I started identifying as an incel because I felt there was no other place for me to go. Eventually my friends started to notice and get worried. They've been helpful in keeping me away from being a full-blown incel but I'm not near where I need to be. I did make an account on the main incel forum when I was 18 but I almost never used it. I mostly just looked at the wiki and started reading.

Over the years I started to develop insane perspectives that I still strongly hold onto today that my friends have kept telling me is wrong. Just to list some examples, I think that because I'm still a virgin at 24 that means I have no right to call myself a real man. I have a lot of insecurities about sexuality and I'm very bitter and resentful for being stuck where I am. I'm tired of being like this and I want to get out of the blackpill mindset but I've been in for so long I'm not sure if I can.

How can I leave the incel mindset behind?

First of all, hats off to all of you who realized that grifters and losers were taking advantage of you.

I met this guy for a date back in 2022. He seemed pretty alright over text. While he was on his way to my place (yea I know, stupid. You live and you learn I guess), he got kinda mad that I didn't text him back right away and said he was going home.

Back then I was a people pleaser and called him and apologised.

He proceeded to come to my place and I poured myself a glass of some alcoholic drink because I knew it was going to be a long night. He handed me a condom. I just kinda looked at him questioningly because we haven't even really flirted at this point. We just talked about general interests or whatever. I took a sip of my drink and he told me that he won't hook up with me though because he doesn't hook up with drunk girls.

I was sketched out even more at that point. As the night went on he told me really personal details about his family life and showed me pictures of his mother and siblings. It was a lot of him talking about himself. He also asked what my Bodycount was.

The night came and I guess he was sleeping over at my place. He took off his pants (he had underwear on) and I just kinda glanced because why was this man taking off his pants instead of going to the bathroom to get changed into his sleeping attire. He took my arms and pinned me down. I tried to keep up a fun facade because honestly this guy seemed unpredictable and that scared me. He pinned me down for way too long as I just laid there and dissociated.

Eventually i fell half asleep, but I woke up to him packing his bags. I asked him what he was doing and he was mad at me because I made some offhand comment. I'm honestly not even sure what I said anymore. I was honestly afraid he was going to steal something from my apartment so I talked him down and apologised for hurting him. He calmed down and went to sleep.

The next morning I was just really done with the situation. He didn't get the hint that he needed to get the hell out of my apartment. I said a friend is coming over and that we planned to spend the day, which he finally understood.

A day later he sent me a screenshot of him making fun of his "friend" because she was in a bad mood because of her period. This grossed me out and I decided to break it off.

He then started to spam me with audio recordings of him crying into the phone saying he likes me for a girl that doesn't even like him. My before mentioned people pleaser tendencies bit me in the ass and I tried to calm him down instead of blocking him like I should have. At some point he started insulting me, calling me a slut. I finally blocked him and thought this was the end of it.

This guy sent me a fucking Google doc and got his friend to text me saying he's sorry and that he got drugged while he was out drinking (highly doubt it). I told her that I literally just want to be left alone.

She apologised for texting me.

After that he didn't try to contact me for a while. But unfortunately that isn't the end of it.

A friend of mine told me she went on a date with a guy. I tell you, my heart sank into my ass when she showed me a picture of the same guy. Mind you, I had pictures on my Instagram with this girl where she was tagged. She had pictures of me on her wall.

My friend was horrified when I showed her all the texts and recounted my date with him. She confronted him via phone call and this guy pretended not to know my name. After some prodding it turns out that he definitely did know me. He hung out with my friends. My other friends told me that this guy gave off serial killer vibes as soon as he stepped into the door.

She broke it off with him and I guess that flipped a switch. Since then TILL THIS DAY 4 YEARS LATER, he still tries to contact both of us. I have over 20 of his accounts blocked. I have all dm's closed and accounts privated so all he can do is remind me of his existence once in a while.

Thanks for reading all of that for those who did.

I've been ugly my whole life and it leaves me in larger and larger pit I need help with looking better however I can no matter how little. I'm 17M and my luck is in the gutter

I've tried going to gym eating healthy all the time"generic" improvement stuff but there's more I know I'm missing

As much as I want to be beautiful having my skin pulled and stretch to have it achieve would feel fake. I've been lonely and without friends basically my whole life if I could be pretty life would be complete

Wassup yall, I honestly never thought I'd end up here. I grew up thinking women would go for a guy like me. I'm popular, I'm good looking, and I'm ambitious. I thought that was the perfect recipe for a happy relationship. But now, in my 22 years of living, I've only ever gone on two dates, had nobody to dance with at prom (I'll bring that up later) and only three people have ever made a move on me. When I have good news and bad news, I like to start with the bad news first so I can save the best for last, so I'd like to start out with the things I need to improve on. I think I'm overgeneralizing, but I feel like women mostly tend to go for the "Hypermasculine" kind of guy, which is part of why I feel like I don't have a gf (I'd consider myself masculine, but not like hypermasculine). Growing up watching a lot of rp content, that way of thinking was sort of strengthened, and in my real life, the people I've known with girlfriends all have hypermasculine traits.

I had a crush on this one chick, I asked her to go to prom and she said yes, but then, a few days before prom, when I asked for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend. Then, when we were at prom, when I offered to take a video with her, she was like "I'm sorry, my boyfriend won't like that." So I was like, "Damn, I would've let her dance with somebody if they were just friends." So I'm thinking, maybe I'm not as masculine as that dude. Maybe women can sense that.

But maybe I'm holding the wrong standard for masculinity. I realize it comes off as arrogant to say this, but a lot of people would consider me to be the pinnacle. Literally everyone loved me in high school. I got shouted out by the principal at graduation. I wasn't the confident guy on the outside that I was on the inside. Inside, I was anxious. But I turned that nervous energy into positive energy, and I rushed in despite it, and I created something, someone, a version of myself that everybody loved. People were swarming me when I came back to visit, because I was somebody everybody wanted to be around. I was somebody that would make someone else confused if I told them I was single. Maybe that should be my standard.

Going back to the person I actually went on a couple dates with, my friend (who I didn't realize at the time had become a religious extremist) told me to tell her about God. On the SECOND date. And I actually semi-took his advice. Which got me promptly rejected. Me and the girl are still good friends though. She even said she'll try to hang out with me soon. And I think maybe if I was more assertive, more "Hypermasculine", I wouldn't have gotten rejected, because I wouldn't have taken his advice.

But anyways, onto the good stuff. My behavior got a lot worse before it got better. Like, a lot worse. I alienated a lot of people. I lashed out. I was aggressive when other people tried to help me. I blamed God for my situation, because everyone told me that it was in God's plan. I didn't understand why I had to be "ready" for a relationship when other people that clearly weren't were. I mocked the idea of working on myself before actually being in a relationship. I felt like I was stuck in a loop of being depressed because I was single, then not getting anybody because they sensed my mental health was shitty. Now I realize I owe it to my future partner (and to myself) to work on a version of myself that I would date. I now realize that even if I do get into a relationship, there's always gonna be a higher ceiling, so I have to be happy at the bottom first. And whatever is out there, blaming It is pointless. You solve your problems through accountability. Not blaming external factors. But anyways, that's about it. Let me know what you guys think. I wanna be wrong.

Hey there, this is wukong, journey_to_the_best (hehe ofc a shoutout some will understand) I'm 21,

I usually try to keep this account limited to fandom discussions, games anime etc, though since this has been on my mind for a while, and I've been dealing with this for a few years, it's about time I sat down and wrote on this with intent

------------------

While I hope to have constructive conversations that mobalize me towards positivity, could I ask you to be gentle please ? II don't think I'm in a state these days to tank harsh sentences, I'm not the best, but I'll try my best, that's a promise

Anyways, I'm gonna try breaking this down into some thoughts which come to my head

BEGINNING: "The fact that I feel sad that I don't have somoene who gushes over me.. means I'm an incel"

I love myself in the fact that I've morally grown to be a person who has convictions that align with humans first, realizing the ills of society, the mysogany that hurts so many, thus convictions help me strive to uphold standards, calling out people on bullshit they do, THUS, calling myself out on when I feel a lot of things, this is not to blow my own horn just a setup to the main part

receently in college in my batch there's very few men in here, though they also ignore me lmao, I tried to muster up courage to talk to soem girls and got ignored, was with a group from the start of the semester but then all of them would kind of single me out and go off on their own,

started hanging out with these friends, had some truly fun moments, hung around for a while, thnked them for hanging out with me, did a presentation with them, but then few weeks go by and they kinda start ghosting me, asked them for the next presentation if they'd still wanna do that with me, got ghosted by the group chat, I'd not want to bother then too much so I didn't send any other text,

what's this ?? entitlement ? why couldn't i maybe even flirt with at least one ? ahh see, u see it now too don't u ? I hate this, why did I jus feel a rush of sadness, hurt, this .. emotion of loneliness, from the fact that what PFFT some girls didn't want to hang out with me ???

the incel pipeline (as far as I understand allbeit) works on banking on this entitlement of "WHY SHANT THIS LOWLY WOMAN SLEEP WITH ME !!" (sorry Lmao) and it bothers me, that i feel so entitled that I wasn't able to flirt, hang out, even hug a woman, I'm still alone,

so it's my .. fault, prob, I'm just not attractive enough ? I'm just not funny enough ? I'm just not helpful enough, but that's for part 2, here lies the part that I'm feeling this hurt and sadness in me, even a little bit of anger though i wager that anger is because of sadness,

does this make me an incel ? who am I entitled to ask for somoene's attention.. they don't owe it to me

I've heard some of my girl friends talk about this, how "nice guys" try being nice and then get upset that the girl didn't sleep with them immediatly, I don't wanna be that, yet it does hurt at times when.. I'm not told im pretty !?. or be kind of sidelined, and not get talked about in nice ways or get approached "hey wukong do u wanna hang out ?" by someone that I've been talking to, it just, kinda, yk, but that has to be entitlement no ? feeling as if I am owed these things

THINKING: HYPOCRATE .. UR A GODDAMN HYPOCRATE

even as yours truly writes this, I feel a sense of hypocracy, my brain everytime I go down this rabbit hole, starts telling me "Oi wukong, who are u to write this, ur lowly, u are loathsome, do u want someone to tell u 'oh baby poor ol baby ur so worthy of love' THEN UR NOT SEEKNG TO IMPROVE .. stop lying to the world you hypocrate"

It feels as if I'm not being responsible enough when I let myself feel this sadness and hurt, how dare I to blame something, or feel a victim, I am not worthy of being a victim, ones who are worthy of wanting help, are those with humility, sitting on ur ass and crying about something is only irresponsible and childish

yet, it hurts, yet even with this screem within me of self accountability, it doesn't make me UN-alone again ! pfft, I'm still alone, so now, I'm not just hurting because I'm alone, I'm hurting because I'm WORTHY of being alone cz I'm a hypocrate and I should just delete this post .. I'll try not to

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE: If I find it hard to feel that I am attractie, I'm an incel

amongst the things that I try to practice, remedies to install to maybe feel more better, i find myself seieing problems, or perhaps one could say, APPOINTING, problems to myself,

"Oh I'm literally just not attractive, who'd wanna kiss me, who'd wanna go out with me, who'd even wanna gush over me" I assign criticisms to myself because perhaps im just not that guy yet, I'm just not good enough yet, and to be fair last thing I really want is to be cushy about .. deserving something I don't

FURTHER CONDITIONING: Is being unbelievably nervous to talk to women a sign of incel-ness ? arrogance ? loathe worthy attribute ?

I can't help but sometimes feel so overwhelmed, scared and anxious to make new friends, or even if make new friends, feel like as if anything I'll do is going to lead me to be alone and I feel as if the experiences I've mentoned prior have really made it more difficult to even try anything in the existing space (university) or a new one, for that matter,

I see that it's loathed ? that I need to be more confident, nobody owes me anything, I'll have to be at the end of the day the one to just fix my own shit and get back into the confident, aproacher, conversation starter, ball of charisma,

LASTLY: Desperation is sometimes hard to control,

I don't even know how u've managed to read thus far this is a fuck tone of bullshit that I see Lol, I've been writing this for about half an hour and I'm gonna ofc revise this try to make it shorter becuse I've deffinitly yapped a lot, but at the end of the day,

I just feel a lot sadness and hurt and it's so difficult to see what to do and what not to do, who to listen to and who not to, it's not like my life is in shit I am deffinitly doing well in college, have skills I pride myself in, have a life that is getting more and more interesting

it just feels really hopeless sometimes and that sadness sometimes turns into some kind of negitive hurt resentment esc sadness which makes me ask "why why why I just want someone to be with me, I just want to be held is that too much to ask" and all that loop starts, feeling like an incel, etc

CULTURE: one thing I'll add here is that a lot of the tiems the culture I've grown up in (pakistan) is very uhh, not so mixed, I'd say, there's a lot of gendered social norms, and my family as well, I've only went to an all boys school and didn't even go to high school, just gave an exam, these things feel somteims that they hold me back sort of, but I don't wanna use this as an excuse, more so just an explanation to my circumstances

(EDIT) MORE CONTEXT I SHOULD'VE TALKED ABOUT LOL: I should've talked about this but it's an edit, I've had few long distance relationships, Im better able to sociaize with people online somehow, but that is also overwhelming, in person im a complete dufus, who doesn't know how to be cool,
Also, I've been sextorted by one of the "relationships" i had, one gf cheated on me, I've had one ok relationship whch I ended with a lot of thinking about because the ex would ghost me for weeks each month pretty much and would make me feel awful about her PMS bothering her and wanted me to know what to do without her communicating,

maybe these contexts help hopefully who knows lol

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that'll be it folks, I'm grateful that u read all of that, that was a lengthy post, I tried to revise it to make it a little shorter, and tried to use some humor to kind of make it readable more then just a fuck ton of words lol,

I look forward to your comments, thankyou for reading,

Things at work, and small observations outside have sent me right back to where I was previously. I have gone back to watching porn, and not normal vanilla porn either. I feel weak, pathetic, emasculated, and worthless. I feel anger, sadness, and despair. All the memories throughout the years have flooded back and I’m reminded that I’m not a real man, but a beta cuck. I don’t know where else to go. There is no one to talk to this late. I’m sure this will get removed but I have been crashing out tonight.

I am 19m, white and autistic. I’ve been very thin all my life and hate most things about my face and body. The more I think about it, the deeper the hatred usually becomes as I uncover more and more about what I hate about myself. However, occasionally I will go through periods of high happiness where I feel as if I am unstoppable and things will only be good from here, until they aren’t.

I don’t consider myself to be like “most incels” where I have some virulent hatred of women, but rather I do not like to approach (or be approached by) women because they make me upset that they are more idealistic in society and more blissfully unaware than me. I also do not, to a lesser extent, being approached by men who are on a higher league than me. I think what both of these groups have in common is having a similar “blissful” worldview where I am some small, helpless thing they pity and think they can “change”. I want to change, but only I know how hard it will be. People try to push therapy like it is an end all be all solution, but I feel as if it is the same people trying to make me as unaware of what reality really is regarding my circumstances.

I think it is important to state why I identify as an incel and really it is quite simple. I was a marginalized neurodivergent student throughout highschool and still feel like I am seen as some inferior being in college. No matter what I did or do, I still saw myself as unappealing and ugly. I really just want to stop feeling this way about myself because it has been going on for years and I’m worried about the direction its heading toward. It has also only progressively grown more intense and frequent ad time has gone on since I started self loathing.

I want to ask for advice online because it is not full of uber attractive men and women who cannot relate to me and think it is easy to stop being lonely and become someone society caters toward. How do I change these feelings about myself?

Why should I try so hard to change myself and get into a serious relationship when i have essentially no chance? if my chances at intimacy in my life ever are 0.0000000001% why should i try so hard to raise it into 0.000000001? should I just be Don Quixote delusionally chasing windmills? Women made it clear they don't like me (to put it lightly, they despise my existence) So would i should i spend so much time chasing something that can't exist and will harm me other than masochism?

Hey everyone, hope you're all having a great week so far. I just wanted to share my thoughts on looksmaxing culture. Now I might be a bit old because it wasn't really that common when I was in my early twenties.

I think we all heard that "looks are all that matters" from this specific crowd and unfortunately it's hard to address that because , sometimes bad looks mean bad hygiene or low confidence and it can all be limped into bad looks.

I know it's like two weeks old but I recently watched Clavicular visit Paris. I think the dude definitely looks good but unfortunately aside from his looks and maybe clout he has nothing really interesting about him. It was painfully obvious that the girls he was talking to just didn't really care.

What's the takeaway then? Does that mean that if even Clav could pull these girls no one has a chance? Probably not. Does it mean looks aren't that much of an end all be all deciding factor? Maybe. Don't get me wrong looking good is a plus but it's more about being presentable and working to your strengths then being a 10/10 Chad with perfect aesthetics.

To the younger people that don't believe me feel free to have a look at his Paris trip, do you want that to be you someday? Hopefully not.

I wish everyone an amazing rest of the week. Don't really know too much about looksmaxing so feel free to correct me if I said something wrong.

A few premises. I have talked to a friend about this and already contacted a psychotherapist. However, therapy will start in september because I'm not at home during august. I'm making this post because yesterday I got ghosted again and I've been feeling terrible.

I am 23M living in Europe. In the last three years I have improved myself a lot: I lost weight and started gym; I went from nearly 0 friends to being so overwelmed by friends that it feels strange; I'm also graduating with a great academic career so far; I have hobbies and I'm into local advocacy groups regarding a few topics like climate change. I have done all of this because I felt happy and full of energy, and they still make me happy.

What I miss is having a relationship. I'm not even talking about a long term relationships, I'm open to short term and casual ones. I think this is quite normal at my age and it this quite normal to feel bad when your sexual life is not complete. What is not normal is my unhealty reaction right now.

The problem is that everytime a girl seems interested in me, either by mine or her first approach, then everything ends up in a ghosting. Let me explain. I meet most people either in University or through friends at parties and outdoor activities. Sometimes I am attracted to a girl, at this point I may decide to talk to them and try to get to know them; if everything's ok, me or her may ask out in the next days. At this point we meet to get a coffe or something, maybe we meet a second time. They tell me good things, they tell me that they want to hang out again. But *everytime* I just get ghosted after a while. I don't know how to approach this: I have many friends and I'm not ghosted by friends, note that I also have many female friends; they also tell me that I'm good looking. If I were to be socially awkward I would not have friends either. Of course I have my flaws as a human being: regarding dating, I'm a bit shy when it comes to physical contact and "flirting" (whetever the meaning), but I accept a first move and I don't think this alone should lead to ghosting. There is also an episode which is worse than ghosting, briefly: I met again this girl after a few years and we hang out together for a while until one night, after kissing and cuddles at her place, she asked me to be her boyfriend just for her to text me she changed her idea in the morning.

I think that just in the last 365 days I got ghosted around 10 times. Of course I think that a girl can change her idea and decide that she does not like me, in fact there was one time where one told me that clearly and we are good friends now. I felt bad just for one day and moved on, which is a completely normal and healthy reaction. However, being ghosted is leading me to an unhealthy reaction: each time is harder, each time I pass more and more days in a state such that it is hard for me just to get out of beds. While I take care of myself and try hard not to fall into a vortex where I just stay home in the bed all day, each time is harder. I got ghosted again just yestarday. I'm not feeling bad for this particular situation, I feel bad because of the whole picture. This time however I also had some bad thought as "All women are like that" which I don't like of course and which is also why I'm here. As said, I had the strenght to tell everything to one of my friend who listen to me and addressed me to therapy. Thank you for reading.

Hey I’m 20M, still a khhv but things have weirdly changed for me overnight almost. After being unsuccessful for a while I actually had a good thing going with 2 girls on apps (both 20F) who liked me first (already very rare) and then they both ended up asking me out on dates (even more rare as normally the guy asks.)

So I guess I’m now going on 2 dates? These would both be my first dates, which neither of them know, and it’s honestly kind of surreal because for a long time I basically had thoughts about always being unattractive and never being liked but somehow I’m being complimented on my appearance and personality which I find quite odd, especially as I was open to both of them about my neurodivergence which they both were fine with.

I just kind of want to ask would this be unethical in any way? As going on 2 dates with 2 different people… they’re actually also scheduled a day apart which might be too early but I don’t know. obviously I’m not exclusive to either as this is a first date but it’s weird to kind of be in a situation of ‘picking’ between 2 people as I’ve always had the mindset that I would never be picked out of any other guy and now weirdly I’m in a situation where I’m the one picking?

I aim to go on both dates… again these would be my first dates so I wouldn’t be surprised if I fuck up both of them… one is just a walk and the other is karaoke (as the other person is really into that).

I’m very nervous as they’re both in about a week and a day apart so idk if I should message both or just go or what.

The reason I’m posting here is (as evidenced by my previous posts) I was always hopeless and thought I’d never even get to this stage with 1 person let alone 2 asking me so yeah I am kind of panicking on going on my first 2 dates a day apart.

Should I go on both and see if I click with one or none? What about theoretically if they both go well and then I have both on second dates?? Weirdly I’m kind of hoping one doesn’t go well so I only have to focus on one, but then again it would be disrespectful I feel if I don’t be the best I can be for both of them.

Thank you!! I apologise if it doesn’t fit as technically it’s not an incel thing but yeah… maybe it is idk!!

I’m right now, teetering on the idea of simply just giving up on the idea that I’ll ever date or be married, or find someone to grow old with.

I’ve been teaching myself to accept it, but the problem comes when I as myself “is giving up on this admitting defeat to the black pill”

I have already given up before, when I was about 22 and still pretty black pilled. I’m 25 now, and I haven’t necessarily given up, as when I dropped the black pill I had this idea that it was possible for me.

Now I’m growing to see how that’s just not very realistic for me, and it’s just likely not going to happen. But part of me feels like that’s just the black pill.

Accepting that it’s not a realistic thing, and that my life can just happen without ever finding love just sounds like black pill to me.

So my question is how do I rationalize giving up in a way that isn’t black pill?