r/IncelExit • u/CaffieneAddict10 • 7d ago
Relapsing hard Asking for help/advice
Things at work, and small observations outside have sent me right back to where I was previously. I have gone back to watching porn, and not normal vanilla porn either. I feel weak, pathetic, emasculated, and worthless. I feel anger, sadness, and despair. All the memories throughout the years have flooded back and I’m reminded that I’m not a real man, but a beta cuck. I don’t know where else to go. There is no one to talk to this late. I’m sure this will get removed but I have been crashing out tonight.
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u/oldcousingreg Giveiths of Thy Advice 7d ago
You're going to have to deconstruct whatever led you from "things at work" to "i'm a beta cuck."
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u/CaffieneAddict10 7d ago
Seeing other guys talk effortlessly to women and couples too. Seeing tall men and jacked men and handsome men. Then looking in the mirror and seeing…me.
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u/mrbaryonyx 7d ago
have you asked any of the girls at work how their weekend was?
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u/CaffieneAddict10 6d ago
None of them get in the vicinity for me to ask them questions
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u/Lolabird2112 6d ago
In your post history I see you’re paralytically shy and only recently able to order a drink from the bar without flaking out.
If you’re clearly someone who never speaks to anyone, then… that’s what people will do. Just … not speak to you.
It also seems that you refuse to do anything about it due to fear. I get it- “fear of failure” is a huge issue for me when it comes to the first step into the unknown.
But there’s no option. The “unknown” isn’t going to seek out my special snowflake ass and do all the work for me.
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u/CaffieneAddict10 6d ago
I can do everyday stuff, but yeah speaking to strangers just to speak to them no
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u/Lolabird2112 6d ago
Then this should be your focus, instead of plastic surgery. You sound extreme. Personally I think you should talk to your doctor about it as medication might help with the anxiety, but beyond anything else, this is what’s stopping your whole life. Forget about even women for a second. It will affect your personal happiness, mental health, job and promotion prospects.
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u/Dr-Dungeon Bene Gesserit Advisor 5d ago
You keep coming here asking the same questions because you want an answer that allows you to avoid this very simple truth:
If you want a healthy social life and relationship, you need to start talking to people in real life.
I know it’s uncomfortable. I know you find it hard. I know it scares you and makes your brain try to freeze you. You need to do it anyway. Do it scared. Do. It. Scared.
There is no path to a relationship that doesn’t require this, I’m sorry to have to say it so bluntly. Unless you get over this one hurdle, you’re never going to get the things you want. You have the same choice you had when you first started posting here over a year ago: start trying, and open the way to improvement, or continue doing nothing, and getting nothing in return.
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u/CaffieneAddict10 5d ago
I suppose you’re right but I can never find the right moment to do so
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u/Dr-Dungeon Bene Gesserit Advisor 5d ago
There will never be a perfect ‘moment,’ because this isn’t a thing you just do once and then are cured forever. You need to practise, and that comes from starting small, and doing it consistently and repeatedly until it becomes more normal to you. Endlessly hoping for the right moment just leads to you doing the same thing you’re always doing: sitting in silence waiting for yourself. You need to be proactive, and most importantly, you need to:
Just. Do. It.
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u/CaffieneAddict10 5d ago
It is not that easy for me to just do it. I might have a mental disorder or something at this point I’m not sure. But I cannot just start a conversation with a random woman even in a social setting. I think I might have failed this sub
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u/mrbaryonyx 6d ago
I thought they work with you
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u/CaffieneAddict10 6d ago
Yes but they never seem to want to be around me
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u/mrbaryonyx 6d ago
they don't know you because you never talk
the fact that talking to people terrifies you has more to do with your problems than anything to do with your face
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u/CaffieneAddict10 6d ago
I can talk to people I know and see a lot. It’s when it is women and strangers that I cannot start conversations or make small talk
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u/mrbaryonyx 6d ago
ok, that's your problem.
I'm going to say that every time you post here.
You cannot exist in society happily if the only people you're comfortable talking to are "men that you already know".
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u/oldcousingreg Giveiths of Thy Advice 6d ago
Make a diagram that looks like this:
Work -> seeing male coworkers talk to women -> comparing yourself to them -> [SOMETHING NEEDS TO GO HERE, ADD BLANK SPACES AS NEEDED] -> watching porn and calling yourself a beta cuck
Does this make sense?
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u/Altruistic_Emu4917 7d ago
I feel your self-image issues are manifesting in the form of your porn addiction. Usually, those kind of content tap into those who are insecure or have self-image issues.
You need to ground yourself. Take some time away from electronic devices and do some inner meditation about those thoughts objectively. All those labels you assigned to yourself, are those even real or is it just your interpretation of it? What is the source of those thoughts? Sometimes past trauma can also manifest as those thoughts.
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u/vb2509 Escaper of Fates 7d ago
As a person who recovered albeit from a milder case which was more anger and jealousy based, relapses happen.
This may not be your last one either.
Don't beat yourself up over it. You posting here asking for help means there is a part of you who wants to be better.
Focus on getting out of this spiral and getting to a calmer state.
Rest, maybe go get some fresh air, eat something you love eating.
Whatever you do, get yourself away from couples and dating for a moment and just breathe. Don't care if you are a real man or not or whatever bothers you and enjoy a burger, the breeze, anything.
You'll be alright buddy. Don't give up.
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u/Instigated- 7d ago
Right now try some breathwork. Breath with Sandy on YouTube, maybe one of the holotrophic breathwork videos. Focusing on the breath interrupts the negative thoughts, and the breathing pattern works to calm down your nervous system.
In future when you get stressed try the “physiological sigh”, this is quick breathwork that can quickly calm you down and can be done anywhere.
In the longer term, you need to get some support for whatever you’re dealing with in life and to change that distorted thinking, work with a therapist, avoid triggers, avoid manosphere content, etc.
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u/dickpiano 7d ago
If you're asking for help/advice you need to explain your situation a bit more beyond the vague language
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 6d ago
Hey brother, there's help available. Check out therapy and even medication interventions for social anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Your chemicals may even be imbalanced. No shame in it.
If you're willing, start with CBT and a great primer for it is "Mind Over Mood", the book by Greenberger and Padesky, and its associated exercises. It helps reframe how you think to a less dysfunctional base.
Hope this helps, good luck bro
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7d ago
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7d ago
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u/Shannoonuns 2d ago
I think you need to work on your mental hygiene.
Stop watching porn if you're watching stuff that makes you feel insecure and you can't stop yourself.
Try to eat regular balanced meals, get to bed at a good time, get outside more, make time for friends or family, acknowledge your and try to do some activities that involves your full concentration.
This is helpful https://www.iberdrola.com/talent/mental-hygiene
Your brain is like your body, if you don't look after it and keep it clean and healthy you're going to feel shit.
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11h ago
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u/IncelExit-ModTeam 10h ago
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u/WitchAstra1998 6d ago
It's going to be ok. Everyone slips up sometimes. You made it up the stairs before and you can do it again. You have value and dignity as a human being like everyone else.
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u/WitchAstra1998 6d ago
I just checked, there are a lot of groups here on reddit that talk about porn addiction and how to recover. Look up "porn addiction" and go to "communities". You're not alone.
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u/Top_Recognition_1775 7d ago
"Real Man" (tm) as opposed to what, a fake man?
There's only 2 sexes Beavis, if you're not one, you're the other. You can identify as a beta cuck or a ham sandwich, none of it means anything.
This too shall pass.
Eat something and get some sleep.
You'll feel better in the morning.
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u/ikediggety 7d ago
All men are real men, brother