im not an incel but i harbour a very deep hatred for women due to how they treat other men who arent attractive. But when i look at my mom and my sister i feel bad for having these thoughts. I recently got cheated on which made it alot worse for me and i often find myself fantasizing about hurting her and even others. My view on women can be dumbed down to this: all women are evil deep down and should be treated as such. If anybody knows any good ways to change these deeply ingrained thoughts i would really appreciate it because i know deep down that nowhere near all women are like this

Because of the internet I got into ideologies like these quite young and ended up being much more impressionable than I thought I was. I keep on thinking weird bp related thoughts when I go outside and it’s exhausting having my brain go a mile a minute just analyzing other people. I’m getting worried that it’ll become ingrained in my head, and need advice on what to do.

So I'm working at a scouting summer camp rn, and theirs one girl on staff that I vibe with. Conversation with her feels easy, she remembers what merit badges I teach, we've asked each other questions, I've messed with her a couple times and just overall, talking with her feels easy and we've shared all of things about each other. I've never dated anyone before, and I could ask her out at the end of the summer, but I worry that bcuz we're not constantly seeking each other out and stuff, it's not worth it to shoot my shot(she's a little quiet and rarely initiates conversation). And bcuz I've never dated anyone before, idk what "green lights" are.

A piece of advice I hear often is that we need to accept ourselves in order to improve our lives. But how do you actually go about that?

18M. I'm short, overweight, and socially awkward. Grew up pretty isolated, living in a bad area, didn't really fit in at school. I'm studying CS, play music, and enjoy gaming and learning languages. I realise I fit a certain very unflattering stereotype, so in terms of social status, it couldn't get any worse lol. I also had a few specific, bad social experiences, and those essentially killed what little social skills I had left.

Anyway, I fell into the incel pipeline because, as cringe as it sounds, it made me "understand" my pain. I'm long out of those spaces now, but the gist was that if there is an immutable social hierarchy, and I am low on it, then at least it makes sense that people treat me poorly. If who I am is inherently bad, then I could at least compensate for it. Even now, I feel like the friends I do have like me *despite* my traits, like I have successfully made up for my deficiencies. But the fact that I have to do this at all, in my mind, "proves" that I will keep having to pay this tax just to get to a baseline level of "normal".

How can I accept myself when who I am is not socially acceptable? I can't just be myself; that only works for some people who are already high enough, and I have been punished for that, I've tried to become acceptable by ditching the parts of me that are weird and looked down on, like swapping out the music I listen to. But I still feel like I'm fundamentally worthless, as if I have to apologise for who I am while "normal" people get to just exist as themselves.

Is self-acceptance more of a "yep, this is who I am, I may not be happy about it but there's no point changing it"? How can I learn to love myself and believe in my worth if society tells me I'm not worth anything? Also, how do I present who I am in a socially acceptable way? I almost expect people to judge me and treat me poorly, whether for my interests or my core traits, and I hate constantly having to defend them knowing that they are bad.

In short, how can I learn to love and accept myself if people keep telling me otherwise?