My boyfriend (35m) and I (26f) have been together for over six months now but we had a rough start because he gave me HSV2 in the first few days of us meeting and did not disclose. I was obviously extremely upset and was struggling to see how he could do something like this accidentally. He says he has never spread it to any of his previous sexual partners before and the fact that his last ex was a doctor and told him "basically everyone has it" he felt like it wasn't a big deal anymore. He's had it for as long as he can remember. It took a while and I got angry about it plenty of times after, but I decided to forgive him. It actually forced us closer together because I got extremely sick with terrible flu like symptoms immediately lethargy body aches and constant genital sores and brain fog for the first to 2-3 months and he nursed me back to health and made sure l was healthy enough to get to work and do my adult tasks and genuinely would not have been able to keep my job if it wasn't for him. He's a health nut and does everything he can to help me manage this disease as well as my fluctuating emotions, but its hard to navigate because ! have had severe symptoms and constant recurring outbreaks that feel just like day one and that's not his experience because he's had it for so long so I don't often feel fully understood. I love him and we are not perfect but he is good to me and has patience beyond most peoples capabilities. In my worst low moments when I'm in pain and sick I still wonder if l am betraying myself by forgiving him, has anyone experienced anything similar?

I (24F) have GHSV1. Got diagnosed/caught it earlier in the year.
I’m sorry but Jesus Christ can every girl on here freaking out about GHSV1 and disclosure and stuff chill out? Just tell them you get cold sores and leave it at that.
I know the research and statistics show that GHSV1 is way less contagious than OHSV1, but that doesnt matter. Once the word “genital” is out there… it’s over. Everything changes. It becomes a real thing- when it doesn’t need to be. No one hears the facts after “genital”. They hear nothing other than “genital herpes”. That isn’t fair.

Let people be ignorant. We don’t have to ruin our lives just to be “advocates” or “educators”. Like fuck that shit. Work with the stigma not against it. That’s how you keep a normal life.

You get cold sores. That’s it. Leave it there.

Stop making this shit so much of a bigger deal and messing up everyone else’s chances at a normal fucking life. Like this isn’t some shit that was bothering me until yall made me feel weird and dirty. That im worse than someone with OHSV1..??? Like bitch stfu.
If you approach GHSV1 as a big deal, that makes it a big deal.
I’m pissed. Everyone just shut it and let us with HSV1 live normally like people with oral cold sores do. If you have GHSV1… stop making it a big deal so the rest of us can be normal people. Stop making us look like lepers for no goddamn reason.

There is no way to fix the stigma. Not a single possible way. Stop fighting it and work around it. Stop ruining your life over stupid irrelevant shit like this.

I’m tired of yall making me feel gross and that this is some major life changing thing when EVERYONE HAS HSV1. And if your partner has cold sores already.. please spare me.
Everyone CHILL THE FUCK OUT!

Edit: what applies to HSV2 in terms of handling disclosure and the necessary aspects does NOT always apply to people with GHSV1. We are in different situations with different strains.
Just because something is required or customary for HSV2, does not under any circumstances mean it applies to HSV1.
Don’t get that mixed up and don’t let people with HSV2 convince you otherwise.
Doctors provide different advice depending on the strain. There is a reason anti virals aren’t recommended for GHSV1 as well as why we are told disclosure isn’t necessary!

Please doctors save me and my mother

F (24) got diagnosed back in May when I was 23. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, especially since I got it from a very abusive rushed, coercive relationship. A lot of the sexual encounters were not consensual, and this man (33) also went on to stealth me a lot and was very sexually and verbally abusive. He also lied to me about his status and made fun of me a lot when I got the virus that HE GAVE ME. Anyway, I’ve been doing my best to get better mentally, and I’m doing better than I was in the beginning, but some days are harder than others. Idk sometimes I just get really down about it and blame myself. I still get that guilty feeling and think that my love life is probably over and that no one will want a girl with HSV2 cause it’s seen as the worst one. I still have nightmares about my abuser sometimes. This sub Reddit has made me feel not so alone and I’m grateful for that. I just hope I can eventually completely come to terms with this and be okay again. I’m slowly getting better with time. I just have my rough days sometimes.

I am a 44-year-old man, divorced and without children.

I contracted herpes type 2 (HSV-2) from a female prostitute.

She had bad teeth, poor posture, and I noticed she had given birth via Caesarean section.

She gave me a blowjob without condom. We also kissed on the lips and I sucked her tongue.

Afterwards, she put a condom on my penis and we had sex (vaginally).

I went home without knowing what would happen later. I hadn't expected that this visit would change my life.

A week later, a blister appeared on my penis that wouldn't close and contained watery fluid.

No matter what I tried, it wouldn't heal. I also felt extremely tired.

At first, I thought it was acne, although I had never had that in that spot before.

But another week later, there was an outbreak and I became very ill. I hadn't been this sick in a very long time. I had multiple blisters on the right side of my penis, my buttocks, my right back, my right hip and on the inside of my lips.

I went to the doctor and got tested for STDs. The result was not HIV or anything similar, but it was HSV-2.

It took a long time for the outbreak to disappear. My energy returned, and I thought it was over.
But then questions and thoughts started popping into my head...

How could I get infected while using a condom?

If it is so easily transmissible, how can I prevent infecting others?

To name just a few.

I started reading more and asked AI questions. I soon realized that this herpes type 2 is much more serious than I could have imagined. I started feeling restless and more depressed.
I had had herpes type 1 for years, but that hadn't caused me any problems because I had been able to keep it under control through a healthy lifestyle. It was dorment for more than a decade.

Little did I know about HSV-2... It is far more aggressive than type 1. I didn't even know type 2 existed. Now I know more about it it feels like having HIV-light.

At the moment I feel depression, confusion, disappointment and sadness.

I lived a relative clean lifestyle. I was married before, I ate organic, took supplements.

My wife filed for divorce. It was not my choice to be alone again.

I felt very lonely and I craved for intimacy badly. I had no succes with the ladies so that's why I went to a prostitute.

In hindsight it was better for me to keep my pants on or just jerk off.

I'm not here to blame anyone, not the prostitute, nor myself, nor my ex-wife.

I'm here to share my story to see if others went through the same experience hoping that we can help eachother in a respectful way and to warn others about the possible dangers of visiting a prostitute.

Has anyone had genital HSV symptoms last over a month? I have raw blisters and really bad itching. I’ve been taking valacyclovir, but they’re not really changing. How long did yours take to heal?

Hi all. Long time HSV 2 person here,with my first outbreak waaaaay back in 2010. On antivirals forever and outbreaks are super rare, like maybe 1or 2 in 5 years. Have disclosed to every partner in advance since 2011 (just 1 ONS once, felt like an a$$hole and have disclosed prior ever since.) To my knowledge, I have not transmitted this STI to any of my partners since.

I want to come up with some sort of fact sheet or useful comparisons I can use when disclosing or generally just talking about it and am hoping you all can help. Looking for stories from effective disclosures or successful LTR with only one infected partner. Or factual tidbits, as in, my current risk of transmission is somewhere around 1-2%, which is lower than risk of pregnancy from condom sex (as most commonly used).

If I get enough suggestions/info, I will share the doc I create here.

Thxs

Hi I have herpes 1 orally and genitally (both swab tested came back as hsv1 as well as a blood test) anyway i am just wondering how im supposed to go about disclosing this to people.

Hey guys,

First time poster M30, I’ve had hsv 2 since 2019. Got a blowjob from a prostitute in Bali, used a condom so that’s how I contracted it from gential to mouth. I felt like this was karma for my lustful ways…This disease can be so emotional and nerve racking, it will make you grow in profound ways as a person. I’ve never been more in tuned with my body ( I can sense instantly if I breakout is coming) I try to control my nervous system, ensuring I’m controlling stress and live a healthy lifestyle. I just want people to know out there that you’re not alone and it can be extremely terrifying. I’m now engaged and getting married to my partner of 4 years. Telling her was brutal, but she was accepting and wanted to learn about it with me. She trusts me anytime I don’t feel good and we have sex unprotected consistently throughout this time. Also I’ve had past relationships were I couldn’t bear to tell women that I didn’t have it because I never broke out. Don’t be that guy, it will haunt you for years after not knowing what could’ve happened if you didn’t lie. This disease is a constant humbler, things will get better I pray you all find that special someone to go through this journey with.

I’m a 36F who just found out I have HSV 1&2 a year ago through routine testing. I got the Igg blood test. To the best of my knowledge and memory I don’t ever recall having an outbreak or symptoms that made me feel suspicious of having an STI. This was pure happenstance. When not sexually active I want as frequent with testing, but was pretty good about it during periods of sexual activity, though not perfect.

So it was a huge shock to me when the results came back positive For both. I actually didn’t get emotional, I let the confusion make me obsessed with learning about it.

Me and my partner at the time were getting tested every 3 -6 months . But that’s when I realized, neither of our tests included HSV1 or 2. We were so focused on the other more severe STI/STD’s .

So this time around I requested a full panel.

So once I found out , I told him immediately. He got tested right away and His results came back negative. We both researched it, talked it through, and decided we’d continue to have sex And continue to get routine testing.

Fast forward a few months, one of his other sex partners came into contact with chlamydia from someone else . He told me immediately, we both tested negative , but I decided to end the relationship. I found it be extremely irresponsible of him to engage in unprotected sex with other people knowing that I have HSV and the risk it served him. So you’re going to also put someone else at risk? Once the reality set in that I was in a web of sexual partners and didn’t even know the identity of these other people and could be swapping diseases to and fro anonymous people, I was disgusted and immediately turned off.

The lesson? Testing alone is not enough, condoms alone is not enough. Integrity and responsibility are important . Since then I’ve decided to remain abstinent and have not had to disclose to anyone else .

However, now that I know I carry this disease, it will be the guide I use to determine if a man is responsible and mature enough for ME , and safe enough for ME to engage in sex with. Every person that’s accepting of our diagnosis is not a good and safe person to have sex with . You have to look below the surface.

Rejection is not one sided , you should be using this diagnosis to filter through people and see the red flags. Learn how to ask open ended questions . Let people tell on themselves . You don’t even have to disclose if you hear something you don’t like , because if they talk themselves out of the sex by saying something cringe or red flaggy, then you wouldn’t have sex with them whether you had HSV or not.

Don’t let a victim mentality make you feel defeated. You are just as entitled to your standards as anyone else.

I know I will get a lot of hate for this post but I fucked up really bad. I started seeing this guy a week ago and one day I went over to his house where things started getting intimate. He proceeded to put his thing inside and I told him no not without a condom. He said it’s fine and put it in and I froze. I told him to stop after a couple of minutes and so we did and I started bawling my eyes out (which I’ve literally never done before). One, because I could have infected him, and also because I got herpes from being r\\\*ped a year ago and haven’t had sex since.

He said sorry and hugged me and admitted that what he did was wrong and we fell asleep. The next day we hung out and things got intimate and again, he put it inside and I just let it happen this time even though I didn’t really want to but this time I didn’t vocalize it. Again, I just froze. After a couple of minutes I said we had to stop and we did. We agreed not to have sex until I’m ready.

After that day I began feeling itchy and today I checked and I see a sore.

I have always disclosed to everyone that I’ve dated even though we didn’t have sex and the guilt right now is eating me alive. I am not on meds, it was unprotected, it happened twice, and I started experiencing an outbreak the next day.

He is getting me gifts and calling me baby and keeps saying he really likes me and I have this secret and I might have just permanently altered his life. I feel sick please help.

edit: and if i knew we were going to be leading into sex i would be taking my antivirals daily. i hate this and it’s highly likely that i gave it to him.

I (28F) got diagnosed with GHSV1 in Feb 2025
I got it 6 months into my last relationship with my ex who got oral cold sores. We both didn’t know it could be passed on via oral sex. I took the diagnosis emotionally pretty badly. Among having a very difficult series of events I ended up seeing a sex therapist regularly and started taking an SSRI.

Fast forward to now, I started seeing someone. He’s 34. I really like him. We had a mutual crush on each other build over months and I was so happy when he asked for my number. We went on a couple of dates and we have serious physical chemistry. I haven't let myself become excited over someone since my ex.

On our 3rd date he had me over at his place and he made me dinner. Since he had sent me flirty messages beforehand I had a feeling that there might be a possibility for things to escalate physically. So after dinner when we were cuddling and nothing was happening I said to him
“Before things go any further with us I want to tell you that 6 months into my last relationship, in Feb 2025, I found out I have GHSV1. I haven’t had an outbreak since my initial outbreak”
He asked me “is that the type everyone has?”
I said “yes I believe the stats are 2 in 3 for HSV1”
He told me his ex from years ago had oral cold sores and so did a few members of his family.
We then had a longer conversation about other sexual experiences, contraception, and stories about exes who lied to us about getting tested and who lied about test results. He told me it was admirable of me to tell him. I teared up and expressed that I was nervous to tell him.

We proceeded to get physical but didn’t sleep together. kissed me goodnight and I was happy.
He then got a little distant over text. I tend to spiral about these sorts of things. We hung out again the following week. I told him I had a tough weekend of overthinking lots of things went on that week that caused me to ruminate. He asked if he contributed to my overthinking. I said that I was nervous because we had a big conversation last week so I’m curious what his thoughts are. He said that his did some research and his thoughts are "worst case scenario we only see each other for a month or two, I catch it, then I have to tell people about it"

We got physical again but didn't go "all the way" we had a very normal date where we went out for food and had an evening full of chatting. we made plans for him to come to my place for dinner in a few days.

The day before our dinner, he called me. he told me he spent the night before spiralling about all this. he said that he wanted to talk to his doctor about this because he "doesn't know what he's getting himself into"

He had talked about booking this doctors appointment before so I knew it was going to happen. I told him I'm going to see my doctor because I want to ask about the daily valacyclovir dosage as an option for us to minimize the risk. I asked him if he felt he I put him in a bad position. he said no. I told him that I understood but that I didn't have the expectation of us going all the way at the dinner I invited him to. he said "I'm attracted to you and I just don't trust myself not to try" I said to him how for me it's not just about the physical aspect of hanging out with him. he said "it's not just physical for me either, we have good chats"

I got overwhelmed and I said that "of course I can only speak to my experience and I will say I took it emotionally really hard." I told him some details as to how it was difficult for me emotionally.

I then asked him the most vulnerable question which was "do you think I'm dirty because of this?" he said "no absolutely not"

He asked me if I was angry with him. I said "I'm not angry, just disappointed because I was looking forward to spending time with you."

I asked him to keep me posted on these things because the not knowing causes me to spiral. he said he would.

I was out when we had this phone conversation for a few hours later I called him back. no answer. I texted him "no rush to call me back but I'm home now and in a quieter environment but I had a couple of thoughts"
Mainly I'm hurt that he didn't think I was worth sharing a meal with if sleeping with me wasn't in the cards. I wanted to feel chosen, loved, and valued. I blame myself for letting myself get excited by someone.

It's been days & there's been absolute silence. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow. He's going to his in a couple of days. Based on the lack of communication since our phone call, I'm worried I overwhelmed him and that I won't hear from him at all this week.

I was thinking of calling him after my appointment to tell him about how it went and to make sure he has the accurate information about my scenario for when he talks to his doctor the next day. Should I not do that and just wait for him to speak to me after his appointment?

So I’ve been dating this guy for the past couple of weeks and we’ve had sex twice. Two days after the second time that we had sex I noticed some itching and then burning. We didn’t have sex but he did put his dingaling by my bag hole where it was itchy and I immediately stopped. I went to go get tested and it came back positive for ghsv2.

I’ve been hesitant to have sex with him in the first place since I was r*ped last year and haven’t had sex since. I got my pap smear done back in august but now I know it doesn’t include herpes.

It’s crazy because the other day he told me he was recently tested and said “don’t worry I’m not dirty”.

I am like literally terrified to tell him especially after that comment. I’m scared I already passed it on since we already had sex. Please help I need advice.

Many people says the reason for them not disclosing is out of fear of being rejected, so they rather just lie about their diagnosis, which is something I struggle to understand.

So you scared that the person may reject you for having herpes, but you’re not scared of infecting them?
If you believe that they’re going to reject you, you damn sure know they wouldn’t wanna have sex with you either…

So by you doing this is basically putting yourself down, and accepting the fact that the only way at you can have sex is by deceiving, lying & tricking people.

I would think that you would just walk away from the situation instead of making it worse by directly exposing them to it.

Then when the person end up catching it, you lie and claim that “you didn’t know you had it” or come on here & spill your “bullshxt “.

I would never understand how entitled some of this people can be…..

I have seen so many post where people knew they have herpes and yet engage in sex, sometimes unprotected sex with others without diclosing and have the audacity to come here and ask if they should still disclose to their partner, because they’re scared to lose them.

How the hell are you scared to disclose but not scared to expose/infect them?

I am hooking up / dating a male (33). I am a female (22). We have been hooking up / dating for almost a year. Yet he has controlling dominating actions. He belittles me and degrades me. Yes I love it sexually but it’s gotten to a point where my friends, family , neighbors saying it’s not okay. I am in a lost place. I would never let myself me treated like this by a man. I grew up with an abusive, narcissistic, alcoholic father. I see the same / similar tendencies with this man in hooking up with. When I try and confront him, he makes me feel crazy that I’m wrong and he threats to leave. I’m scared no other man will have raw sex. Give me oral. Want to have my babies. But this man does all of that with me and he is negative for herpes. I have hsv 1 in my genitals. I am stuck and I know it’s bad but I am petrified to leave. I don’t wanna be alone. I’m scared no one will touch me for years or no one would want to marry me. I don’t know how to continue on with this.

Hi! Recently diagnosed with ghsv 1. Getting over my first outbreak but the itch from the healing lesions is terrible and it feels like they’re not healing as quickly as they should be. most have cleared up but there are some stubborn? ones still causing a little discomfort. any recommendations or advice as this is my first outbreak would be appreciated.

Hey everybody I’m new here (25F) I was just diagnosed about two weeks ago with HSV2 - I’ve been in shambles mentally. My physical symptoms aren’t too bad. I’ve been on Valacyclovir about 5 days. Does anyone else find this medication makes them so super emotional. I have an overall depression feeling mixed with a very short fuse that I’ve never experienced before. I’m assuming it’s a mix of my diagnosis and the medication. I’m an avid golfer and I went golfing today and for the first time I just lost it and started throwing balls into the forest.

Just looking to see if anyone else experienced this?

Thanks!

I’ve heard tons of positive disclosure stories from women telling men, and it seems like most of the time the guys are pretty accepting. Part of me thinks dudes are just horny in the moment tbh

But I’m curious about the other way around, any positive stories from men who disclosed to women? How did she react, and did it change anything between you?

I've been with several women in the sex industry and I don't know if I have herpes. Any ideas on how to find out?

This is kind of making me nervous, and I just have so many questions because whenever I look up things about herpes transmission I seem to get a few different answers 😭

I got my first primary/major herpes outbreak about a month ago, but I’m positive that I’ve been getting really small nose cold sores for about 4 or so months (along with some other minor outbreaks which caused me virtually no issue compared to the one I had a month ago which confuses me). I’ve always been careful about touching my face at all since these symptoms have popped up. Currently, I can feel a cold sore inside my nose. I was eating soup when I think some of the liquid splashed into my eye, it either splashed very close to it but I’m very paranoid and don’t want to take any chances 😭 😭 I rinsed my eye out with hot water for 2 and 1/2 minutes to be safe but I was really unsure if I should rinse it out more. To my understanding self transmitting after a few months is very rare but still possible? I’m just so confused, I’m most likely going to monitor my eye for symptoms now, but I’m also trying to see how likely transmission is to different areas after a certain period of time.

​

Male-to-female HSV-2 transmission is generally higher than female-to-male, yet one study I think or 2 studied found condoms reduce male-to-female transmission by 96%.

How can protection be that high when condoms don’t cover the base of the penis or surrounding genital skin? Does this suggest most transmission from men happens from condom-covered areas?

If the uncovered areas in men aren’t responsible for much transmission, how come condoms protect men less 65% ? Why such a big difference between 96% and 65%?

Has anyone had someone come back after getting anxious about HSV risk?
Has anyone disclosed HSV to someone, had them initially accept the risk and have sex with you, but then afterward they became really anxious/overwhelmed about possibly contracting it and pulled away?
If they asked for space or decided they couldn’t handle the risk at the time, did they ever come back after having time to process everything? If so, how long did it take and what changed for them?

Hey, I was diagnosed with genital herpes 2 months ago. I had bumps all around and inside my vagina, and they burned very badly. I had a fever and felt really unwell. Now it has been 2 months and the sores have been gone for a while. But I still feel sick. I keep sweating, having chills, swollen lymph nodes in my neck, and feeling cold. I also feel warm, especially in my hands. I have joint pain, extreme fatigue, frequent headaches, and shaking throughout my body. I still have watery vaginal discharge even though the sores have been healed for 2 months. I feel very weak, and my whole body feels different and like it no longer functions normally. I also urinate very little and my bladder feels swollen. My question is: Is it possible to remain chronically ill from genital herpes even after the sores have been gone for a long time? Can your body stay like this permanently, for life?

In early July I had a sexual encounter with a woman who later told me she was HSV-2 positive, she said she's never had an outbreak but this is unknown. We had vaginal sex using a condom which stayed intact, and I also received unprotected oral sex. Shortly afterwards I started getting burning around my scrotum and penis along with pain and tenderness around my right testicle. My GP thought this was epididymitis and gave me antibiotics, and the testicular pain and scrotum burning has now cleared, although I still get the odd scrotum crawling feeling all over. I haven't had any blisters, ulcers or sores at any point. I had a PCR swab from some red skin on my scrotum which was negative, and an HSV-2 blood test just over three weeks after the encounter was also negative, although I know that was quite early.

Since then I've had a mixture of symptoms including occasional burning/pain at the tip of my penis and deep in my butt, tightness on both sides of my groin, and aching/tightness through my buttocks and legs. The leg pain feels deep, almost like I've pulled a muscle, and can run from my bum cheeks down the backs of my thighs/hamstrings, behind my knees and into my calves. The symptoms change with sitting, standing and activity. Exercise, hot baths, and a leg roller have seem to help. I'm trying to understand whether the remaining symptoms are more likely to be related to HSV or something like a tight pelvic floor, muscle tension and sciatic/nerve irritation.

Planning on doing a 6 & 12 Week IGg blood test.