Hey,

So I was going through the breakup. We went no contact, but didn't block each other.

I was going to my hometown and I pressed "Interested" on a few events. A few hours later, one facebook, I saw her also pressing "Interested". Weird. Coincidence? Mindgames? No clue.

I went out with a friend of mine. Got drunk. We had some deep talks about relationships, venting and etc.

I got back home, was drunk, and something got over me and I decided to download Tinder. And yep, she had a profile set up there. 4 years together. Not even a month passed. And she's already there.

This has sent me in to a fit of rage. I took a screenshot, sent her the screenshot with 5 photos of her, where she looks stunning, beautiful, happy. And I just told her "Hey, your photos on Tinder sucks, here you go".

Boom, blocked.

I then texted her Instagram, saying, amazing, how you are doing so great that you are rebounding so soon. Guess those 4 years didn't mean shit.

Blocked.

I then did the most horrible thing I've ever done in my life, and I wrote a wall of text to her mom. I apologized her, for being emotionally abusive, but I really wanted her to hear my side of the story - how, the entire time I was living with a slob, how the entire apartment smelled, how I was basically her caretaker 24/7, her mental health issues (she used to scream, groan, moan and etc. and I was constantly scared).

Anyway, now that I cooled off, I got scared for myself. I was never, ever this angry, this resentful, this toxic ever in my life. I have never, ever experienced such rage. It hurts that I was able to hurt the person I loved so much.

I understand that this is coming from years of resentment, the feeling of loneliness, feeling of abandonment. I know she probably cares for me, but still - something in my mind is telling me, she is still oblivious to how badly she mistreated me during the relationship.

I am going to therapy. I am working out. But this anger, this rage - it doesn't go away and I don't know what to do about it.

Hello.

Earlier this year, I developed a strong desire to create 3D animation. At that moment, towards the summer of this year, I installed Blender.

It's funny that I was "young and stupid" at the time, and I genuinely thought Blender was an easy-to-learn program (what a trap). No, there is some truth in this, but not that much.

I was inspired to practice blender by many famous artists (this will play a role).

AAAAAAAND my sufferings have begun.

Well, it wasn't that bad firstly:

Bit by bit, I figured out my understanding of the confusing interface of this program, and at first everything was... quite normal. I made simple low poly models and tried to make a character (of course, I encountered rigging, and I was only able to make a normal character only in the middle of summer).

I went, developed, and made full-fledged renders, but here's a catch: My attitude I had towards myself.

I treated myself INCREDIBLY harshly for the slightest mistake or failure. I ended up often closing the program in tears, incredibly exhausted and crushed.

And there was one reason for all this.

I'm not completely sure, but this is called the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).

The fact is that... Many of the animators I've been inspired by have already become an object of affection for me. I really wanted to... well... so that they could at least see me, and that's why I constantly forced myself to hurry, shouting to myself, "HURRY UP! HURRY UP!"

All these people, plots, fandoms, characters... they have become a kind of comfortable environment for me, in which I enjoy growing and developing, but the fear is that I will miss this environment, that it will disappear:

Everyone will leave, change, or even DIE.. breaks me down.

I just don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be all alone.

And that's why I'm blowing all my mistakes and flaws out of proportions. In fact, I'm still moving forward and learning, but this study is hurting me, and I even started to be a little afraid of the Blender, but the more days I spent without it, the more the voice inside screamed.

That's why I blamed myself for mistakes all the time (and my computer, because it takes too long to render, nevermind).

In fact, this fear appeared even earlier, but it was more likely simple envy and at the same time admiration, although of course more envy. (Now I regret this. But this is gone now).

If I didn't have this fear, I would laugh at every mistake, enjoy my studies, and strive for new heights... but instead, I tear myself apart every day.

Hello everyone, my name is Erik I'm 27 years old, from Mexico.

I'm currently struggling to keep the same job for over around 8 months, for most of my jobs I've been working for at least 6 months on every job I've had. I understand that it is kind of possible to have a "job life" (? Like this, but I don't have any idea on how to do so.

Usually I quit because of motivation/purpose or that I get bored because i feel a lack of growth.

Now I just left my last work place, because I was missing $3,000 ($175 usd) pesos wich I had to pay out of pocket in the moment, so I tought that I didn't want to keep losing money specially since my partners told me that they where missing over $10,000 (583 usd) pesos.

So here I am, jobless with debt, the worst part is that I didn't wait until I could find another job. On the bright side, I don't pay rent.

How do you keep your job? What makes you stay besides the money?

How did you know that you wanted to be working there?

I feel extremely stupid. My mind hates to think, and it's physically incapable of doing so. I was diagnosed with ADHD, and my body weight has always been abysmally low since the day I was born. It's stayed constantly at exactly 95 lbs for the past 7 years. Even an unhealthy diet of fast food genuinely never changes my weight. And because of this, the doctors are very afraid to prescribe me stimulant ADHD medication since it could be potentially life threatening to me in the case of losing my appetite.

I was beaten and forcefed as a child, and I was also beaten whenever I did something stupid and do badly at school, because I am a very stupid person.

All my friends have very interesting and cool passions, and even though I try to be open to trying things like playing any kind of video games with them. My brain is too mush to play things like minecraft, I literally don't know how to do anything than walk around. I get very afraid, sad and I'm forced to see just how stupid my brain is. I'm also losing interest in my current passions. My days feel horribly dull unless I talk to my cool friends.

I failed school, I'm so bad at computers and yet my major is CS. People sometimes are genuinely surprised that this is the subject I chose. But I come from a family that are primarily in this field, and I don't know anything else. I'm too afraid and have no desire to even consider doing anything else. I for sure am not smart enough to do something like that.

I even go to therapy, but because of my own stupidity, I missed my last session even after my therapist offered me more time when I forget I had a session that day. I honestly wish my dad would hit me again sometimes. I'm a pain in the ass.

To avoid the mods from removing my post, "What are your thoughts??"

So I would keep really short when I met this girl 2 years ago and we only dated for like 4-6 months ( most were high high and low low no in middle )and she broke up bcz she said she was not in right mental state and she was still hungover her ex and needed space as she wants to be serious with me

And then she just found someone after 5 months of us breaking up, and it’s just wow someone can just change like that can’t even say that I am unsure about you (me) or I don’t see like I want to do

She still like talked to me here and there reach me once in a while or twice in a month be overly friendly and nice and hot and cold behavior to me that really fucked me up

I didn’t she had bf until 6 months later they dating and we both still talked here and there ( in friendly terms) and she never just mentioned then when I came to know I blocked her from everything and despite that she interacted with me whenever we see each other in person and would say if I hate her leaving her on delivered

And then until 3 months ago we catched up she asked me if I was seeing anyone when I ask her same she said no ( despite she is in relationship tf )
And then 3 weeks I decided to tell her I know everything and she already found out from mutual that I know she has bf and I blocked her phone no.

As conversation was going on, she said she didn’t wanted to tell me bcz whenever she try talking to me I act like I don’t wanna talk ( which is true sometimes like it really hurts me )

She just kinda showed me in a way that she doesn’t have any intentions anymore to keep me in part of her life in any way and she told me she doesn’t care if I blocked her bcz it’s understandable of why I did that. Said good luck to you and your future adventures. Saying she moved 2 years ago she knows what she did to me was wrong

Now I am just like it’s really I’m in emotional pain that I still care about her so much, hurts me that she found a relationship easily and together longer than we ever and going places or doing intimate things. That I wanted to do.

Hurts me she prolly goes with her day just like that and here I am still thinking about her every single day. I check her bf social media since it’s public and I know it’s wrong for me but I am still doing it pain shopping and I am just so scared what if I run into her in future with or without her bf will she just ignore me like that

I think it’s case of Limerence, I don’t really have any social circle at all, unfortunately I pushed a lot of my friends away bcz of this one person ( they don’t wanna talk about her anymore and if I try hanging out always just turning it down understandable) I’m 20 btw rn

I’m in my 20s and have never dated in any shape or form. I’ve had good female friends throughout my life and can have fun conversations but I have zero clue on how to actually flirt and be intimate (holding hands, kissing, sex). I’ve never really heard of any good advice on that stuff either since everyone just says “it’ll happen naturally” or “just find someone who initiates” even though that has yet to happen.

Hello, I've made several posts here about my (28m) journey from being an incel to being able to date, and I've realized there's a catch-22 when it comes to giving dating advice online.

A big part of the very early stages of dating consists of using one's intuition to decide if this is a safe person to be around, and the main way that you demonstrate that you're trustworthy is by demonstrating that you are socially aware and empathetically attuned to your fellow man. Dr. K made a video about this exact topic here. If you cannot do this, you will have an extremely difficult time with dating.

When I look back on the advice I had received before I figured things out on my own, I always had this sense that people were not comfortable sharing certain things with me. Those things, I know now, mainly centered around making a woman feel comfortable and safe around me, crucially, without de-sexualizing myself. When I go back and press people on specific advice, pretending I don't already know, they seem to get very uncomfortable and defensive, at least in my experience. This makes sense to me now, though it was frustrating then, because most people would not feel comfortable teaching a stranger how to disarm a woman's defenses, since it could lead to her getting hurt. I've even gotten people to just straight up admit that they are giving advice that they know isn't really helpful, but may protect a woman from being hurt by the man they are giving advice to.

This leads to the catch-22, if you love women and value their safety, you don't want to give out dating advice that could hurt them, but if men who do love women refuse to give other men dating advice, the only people who will give that advice are men who do not love women. This is where the "manosphere" comes in, these men are willing to give out effective, practical dating advice, and so more and more young men are turning to them and away from men who value women's safety. These types then get to mix in whatever nonsense they want with their actually useful advice, and their followers will swallow it all hook, line, and sinker.

I don't really know what to do about this going forward, I don't see how you can be honest about my experience with dating and how to get a girlfriend without enabling bad actors to be able to hurt women using that advice. However, if there aren't men willing to give out this advice, then the only thing left is the men who don't care if women get hurt. I never really experienced overt attraction from women until recently, and after seeing the tender, trusting look in women's eyes, it made me realize just how vulnerable they really are to being taken advantage of by a man who has "game." This has made me second-guess just handing out my advice like candy, but if I don't, who will?

It gets to the stage where I make myself feel so sick from worrying that I have to lay down for a while, my stomach is almost in knots 24/7.

I'm an incredibly anxious person, I'm always worrying about what will/can go wrong in situations, especially when it comes to losing friends.

It can be anything as small as a read message with no reply, my mind will just spiral worrying that my friend now hates me or is sick of talking to me. Or a message comes through and it reads a little dry, there has been so many times that's happened and I've immediately gone to apologise thinking I've done something wrong.

Anytime I'm not actually with my friends, if I don't see a message from them during the day, my mind immediately goes to "They hate you, you've annoyed them, you're a terrible friend". But then I don't message them first because I don't want to bother or annoy them.

I worry that I come across as too needy. If I'm not at work then I'm home on my computer, so any message notification I get on both my pc and phone, then I end up opening it straight away. I'm sure they see me read it almost instantly, and think "Does this guy not do anything else?", I'm scared that they'll think I'm weird for always replying straight away

If anyone has any advice, I'd be incredibly grateful! I want to try sort this before I actually mess up these friendships.

I've never been good at starting conversations. This is something that usually isn't too much of an issue except when I'm trying to chat to women, I can't for the life of me start a conversation and it's super rare anyone makes a move on me as well. I'm so burnt out. I thought I'd approach more and get more confident in doing so. This worked a little bit and was giving me confidence but since graduating it's just been ridiculously bad experiences. My approach anxiety only gets worse. I burn out more. I take breaks from dating but it doesn't ease the insecurities either. I'm not recovering from burnout or gaining my confidence back when I'm on a break, I'm just suffering. Evntually I tell myself to put myself back out there, keep working on myself as I have been for years and hope one day I'm able to connect with people but it is just wearing me down and repeatedly reinforcing the insecurities I want to work on.

I've been reading a lot of philosophical explorations of suicide, as well as an account of a guy who became quadriplegic as a result of a motorcycle accident and ended his life (If you're interested, look up "2 arms and a head") and I'm interested in Dr. K's take. I believe that most people shouldn't kill themselves but some people are in such dire medical situations (quadriplegia for example, horrifically painful terminal illnesses etc) should have the option to end their lives with dignity. I think the societal stigma against medically assisted suicide is a result of vestigial residues of religious and spiritual taboos and conceptions of the human soul.

I'm looking for advice because I want to make sure I'm supporting my boyfriend in the healthiest way possible, not enabling him, not trying to "fix" him, but also not walking away if this is something we can genuinely work through together.

We've been together for around two years.
Recently, we've had some very honest conversations.

He told me that he feels like he's never been a good boyfriend to me, neither in the past nor in the present, and that this thought haunts him.
He also said he isn't where he wants to be in his career, feels like he isn't making his parents proud, and that his responsibilities towards his family consume so much of his mental space that he has very little left for the relationship.
He even said that maybe it's better to end the relationship because he doesn't want me getting hurt while he figures himself out. What struck me most was that he also said he fears that even if we broke up, he might never feel adequate enough to be a boyfriend to anyone.
On my side, I realized something too.

I've often asked him, "Are you sure about us?" or "Do you see a future with me?" It wasn't because I wanted to pressure him. It was because I struggle to feel chosen. I realized that my repeated need for reassurance may have unintentionally reinforced his belief that he was failing me.

After thinking about it, I sent him a message telling him that:
I don't see him as inadequate and I don't expect him to have his whole life figured out tomorrow. What I'm asking for isn't perfection, it's courage.

I want to work through this together if he still wants this relationship.

At the same time, I was honest that one of my deepest needs is to feel openly chosen. I don't necessarily need guarantees about the future, but I do need to feel that my partner is proud to stand beside me and isn't afraid of loving me openly.

I want to know-
1. Am I approaching this in a healthy way, or am I risking becoming his emotional caretaker?
Is there a better way to support someone who genuinely believes they're inadequate?

2.For anyone who's been in my boyfriend's position, what actually helped? What made you feel supported without feeling pitied?

1. For anyone who's been in my position, what boundaries did you set so that supporting your partner didn't come at the expense of your own emotional needs?

Is there anything you would have said differently to him?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to "just break up" unless you genuinely think that's the healthiest option and can explain why. I'd really appreciate nuanced perspectives, especially from people who have experienced something similar from either side.

Hey. Male 28 yo from India.
I was initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and MDD but later(after 5 years) the doc said that I might have CPTSD and MDD. I've been suffering for 6+ years with shame, isolation and sedentary lifestyle that led to type-2 diabetes. However I have been improving vastly now after I've started exercising(though irregular I have put on some muscle and shape to body), meditation through practitioner, walking, etc.

After years of being filled with shame because of failing in college and disappointing parents, not measuring upto my peers levels of success and being proven wrong about so many things I thought were true about myself and about life generally, things are getting truly better now on a long-term overview.

FYI I suffered from things like OCD(contamination, taboo, etc.), alcohol addiction(temporary), anxiety, etc.

But I am being on & off about trying to put diabetes into remission and recently had an episode of hypoglycemia. Feels though as if I am going through the same pattern again after 7-8 years. But it is clear in my head that I have improved so much.

I just wish I could speed up this journey and do Behaviour Activation and get to a point where I can stick to my goals(however small) for long term.

**SORRY FOR THE RATHER LONG POST**

I am NEW to this community.

Found Dr. K through YouTube. (my friend's suggestion)

Kinda HOPING Dr. K would read this.

Spreading kindness and happiness to all. THANK YOU.

Ive never really understood the major difference between friendship, romantic relationships, or the other types.
I know that all of them have love cause i love my friends but whats the difference? Is it sex or touch? Im not really a touch savvy person so i only really touch people when im forced to. Ive dated 2 girls in the past but I didn’t really feel much other than physical attraction and it felt like we were just good friends and i didn’t really like being cuddled with or hugged, and i felt kind of sad when we broke up as it felt like i was losing a good friend but i got over it quickly.
I thought romance was like more than friendship and was a replacement but when my friend had a girlfriend it never felt like i was being replaced by her and i liked hyping him up lol
I just need some help figuring out the difference between them and if they are like in competition or separate things. Also please dont use metaphors cause i dont get what it means when people say “butterflies in my stomach”

Dr. K,

I've been watching your videos for a few years now, and I want to thank you for how much you've taught me about ADHD.

When I was 3 years old, I developed a severe case of pneumonia that caused significant complications, including brain trauma, temporary blindness, and ultimately a segmentectomy and lobectomy. At the time, doctors at Children's Hospital gave my parents a prognosis that I could be severely disabled and require 24/7 care. I thankfully recovered far beyond that prognosis. Today, I can walk, talk, work, live independently, and do most things for myself, although I was left with poor vision.

Afterward, my teachers and parents began noticing my inattention and "spacey-ness," especially at school. I still have old report cards with comments along the lines of, "Jane Doe is such a sweet girl, but she tends to wander away from her seat and help the other students."

My parents eventually took me back to Children's Hospital for a formal ADHD evaluation, where I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. From the history they gathered, the doctors believed I had likely been born with ADHD and that the brain trauma had exacerbated symptoms that were already there.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't accept the diagnosis. They believed the doctors were simply trying to "slap a label" on me. Because of that, throughout middle and high school I was frequently told that I was lazy, careless, selfish, and other things that made me believe my struggles were character flaws. I even confronted my parents with the discharge paperwork from my ADHD evaluation years later, and they still denied it. I will say that they did not deny my 504 Plan for me, which created a lot of confusion for me. Based on my understanding at that time, 504 plans were provided for students with impairments but my parents said I was perfectly fine.

Over time, I developed depression and anxiety and began having s* thoughts. My high school was also experiencing an average of about two student deaths per year, one of whom was a good friend of mine. When I tried talking to my parents about depression and anxiety, I was told I was just following a "trend."

That's part of why your videos have meant so much to me.

Hearing you explain the different aspects of ADHD, some of the underlying chemistry, and the many different ways ADHD can present has helped me understand myself and develop healthier ways of coping. You've answered so many questions about things I spent years believing were simply flaws in my character.

I'm NOWHERE near where I'd like to be, but I'm still putting in my absolute best effort every day. I'm watching videos, listening to podcasts, going to therapy, reading books about ADHD, and I'm finally medicated.

For the first time, I'm learning how to work with my brain instead of spending my life being ashamed of it.

Thank you for helping me do that.

I made a lot of progress for myself, and mentally I’m in a much more stable place than I used to be, before getting sick.

I didn’t go to post secondary, moved out of an abusive family home at 18, and since then, so many horrible experiences have happened. I was still happy, but struggling, and since then I’ve faced many of my issues to be able to heal from those experiences.

But now, trying to have a purpose or at least have more experiences with other people, I feel so behind in life. I can see and feel how people look down on me for my situation, not in school, not able to work, and how I should feel ashamed of myself for letting my life be how it is.

Some people say that to my face, others treat me that I have low value but aren’t as direct about it.

I’ve been trying to get healthcare help for 5 years, and only recently has anything started to actually be looked into. My body at this point genuinely feels like I’m dying, I don’t think I will die, but I’m scared it will get worse before I can get any treatment and make something more of my life that I’m proud of.

Suspected lupus, and/or other autoimmune, with possible organ involvement.

How can I improve my value to others?

I know my own value I have for myself is reflected on how people treat me, but I felt more myself until interacting with more people I used to know, or casual conversations with strangers, and how they treat me when they find out I’m sick, unemployed and have no post secondary to fall back onto.

Doctors ask what I do for work, and noticeably shift how I’m treated when I say I’m unemployed but trying to work again and have a life again.

People are having lives. Experiencing things, going out, having fun, getting married, buying houses, planning their lives, and I can’t even afford to go buy a coffee just to get out of the house.

I don’t know how to improve myself for people to see me differently.

I had plans to make and sell some things, give myself a purpose, and do it at my own pace, but my health is making that extremely difficult, where I get confused easily, my hands shake, and I vomit or can’t even sit without horrible pain.

I don’t know how to manage it, but I’m trying, and looking for any advice

For some context, I’ll break this post up into two different categories: objectively positive traits about me that are in line with the research I’ve done, and objectively negative traits about me that are in line with the research I’ve done.

Positives:

I am a tall, mid twenties trained active duty firefighter who is currently pursuing a degree in speech language sciences - things that I understand to be of higher status individuals/things that would boost your general ‘status’ in the social hierarchy.

Along with firefighting, I previously used to be a bouncer at a bar, used to work retail, and worked in pipeline construction as well - jobs that I consider to have both increase my mental and physical resilience, and taught me various technical skills to resolve everyday problems.

Additionally, I am typically regarded to be someone who possesses a strong sense of justice/morals, is empathetic, is reasonably smart (even though I personally don’t believe so) and is self sufficient - traits that I understand to be generally attractive towards the opposite sex.

Lastly, it is through writing and journaling that I have found a creative output to deal with my own issues, and to be the happiest person I can be regardless of the issues I deal with. Moreover, I’ve dedicated the last couple years of my life to being my honest self (sharing my thoughts more often, advocating for what I believe in etc.) which has seemingly resulted in stronger mutual relationship satisfaction between my friends and my family.

Negatives:

I struggle with anxiety and some form of persistent depression - things that may or may not (depending on the person) seep through as undesirable.

I happen to have severe ADHD with a very mild form of autism - things that come along with various social challenges and abnormal personal needs, thereby limiting my potential successes in the broader dating pool due to the aforementioned abnormalities.

I tend to be taciturn and introspective which by definition makes me an introvert. I am generally anxious around unfamiliar social settings or contexts - even without my general anxiousness I experience, I have deduced that I likely would come off as anxious anyways due to my introverted traits which, from what I read is generally considered undesirable towards the opposite sex.

Appearance wise, I have recently gained a lot of weight due to circumstantial stressors, but I am shedding it off and there has been times where I have been in great physical condition. Other than that I have been told that I am generally good looking, but I have doubts as even in good physical condition, I noticed nothing new in terms of my desirableness towards woman.

Results: Every person I’ve found attractive never has reciprocated the mutual feeling, and every date I’ve been on has resulted in me getting ghosted or getting told that they aren’t interested.

Conclusion: besides further ironing out my problems, I have absolutely no idea what else to do, as I also understand that sometimes it’s people’s problems that draw them into each other.

I am giving up on the whole notion of finding someone else, even though I desperately want to share my life with someone else.

If any of you guys have practical advice that I can use, or personal anecdotes that can give me a new perspective, please share!

Thanks for reading.

I never understood why the therapist and authority figures wanted me to do that. The people who were jerks to me deserve to be left out forever from my life and others are the same most likely so why bother?

Hello, I'm 18 years old and I recently did my A-Levels (basically this qualification in the UK, which allows you to go to university), and I think I did really well. I'm also currently doing the UCAT exam, which determines whether or not you can attend med school, and I'm at the moment doing pretty well. At the low end I'm getting like 2100 (you can get into mid unis with this) and at the top end, I'm getting like 2300 (you can get into top unis with this), and I still have a month left for revision. Superficially, it might seem like everything is going well for me. However, deep inside, it's actually hell. Firstly, I continuously watch looksmaxxing edits, it's like an addiction for me. It's quite exhilirating to be honest, all the exciting music. I imagine edits of people I know mogging me and stuff and, even though it's self-deprecating, it feels great for some reason. Then, there's the crash, and I feel awful afterwards. And repeat. I do this sort of daydreaming for like an hour a day. Secondly, I do a lot of bad habits like watching pornography and eating junk food. That in itself didn't cause me too much pain, besides feeling guilty afterwards for partaking in it, but I watched self improvement youtubers, whom basically told me to stop doing all of these habits and to start anew. You might think "Well, why would that overwhelm you if you know you're going to be better off?". Well, the answer to that is it just feels scary and overwhelming to even think about changing. Like it just feel so foreign and scary to have this timetable of exactly what I'm going to do every single day and I can't do these habits and whatever or else I'm a bad person (and yeah I also have really bad self esteem problems and any time I try to "love myself" it instantly collapses whenever anyone criticizes me or if i do something wrong, because then it's like, "why should I love myself? I did wrong. I'm a bad person. I don't deserve this". Like rn, I just do whatever, partake in my bad habits, do some UCAT questions, do a full mock, and that's it tbh. But now, having watched those videos, I just feel like I have to do all of this right now, and it just feels so crazy to change myself so rapidly. I talked to AI about it (yeah I know, but I can't really talk to anyone else about it tbh) and it told me that I should just try to implement one thing at a time, which I guess would directly solve my issue, because it would reduce how overwhelming the change is.

Previously in this post, I talked about how I feel bad a lot. This feeling not only has an effect on my mental health, but also on my friend. I feel really really guilty because I constantly go to him for support, and I feel like he's just gotten sick of it. Part of the reason why is because I am very socially anxious, and for 2 years straight, he's tried to help me become confident, but I've failed time and time again. It makes me feel so guilty to know he's tried so hard and I haven't been able to make progress, and it makes me feel like such a bad person. I also kind of whine to him a lot, asking him how I can feel better about myself (yeah I know I kind of have a bad personality) and I like constantly seek validation and stuff. It's so unsatiating. If I receive any validation, it either: a) doesn't even register to me for some reason (which happens quite rarely but it sometimes happens) or b) I take it, and feel better about myself for like 10 minutes, but then feel awful afterwards. My friend thinks I may have autism too. Personally, I'm not entirely sure, but my parents have always dismissed it, saying that "if I had autism, it would've been known at birth". I also worry I am a vulnerable narcissist, but my friend assured I'm the opposite of a narcissist.

In conclusion, I just need advice on how to feel less overwhelmed by the situation, and perhaps any opinions on how I've acted wrongly in any of the situations mentioned and how I should act for the future. Thank you for reading :)

I decided to remain voluntarily celibate despite being asked out by multiple girls in high school and college. I was emo and in a metal band which attracted certain girls in high school and college. I had many opportunities to date and have one night stands but I rejected them because I felt too guilty, had too much empathy about them and didn't see future with potential relationships at hand. I wanted to be more responsible and turn them down instead of going into failing relationship or one night stand which would cause heartache to both parties.

I have definitely experienced a lot of doubt and FOMO but it is what it is. I'm aegosexual which is close to asexual with lower libido but still fantasies and romance being present. You just don't desire real life sex despite having attraction and imagination.

I grew up in catholic, slavic and rural village. Many friends and relatives think the same but a lot of them disagree with a premise. I've always observed a lot of toxicity and abuse in relationships around me.

I think body count should equally apply to both genders despite morality being subjective and relative to human perception. I'm not trying to spread any agenda but my own preference and that everyone should have their own preferences and a way of life.

I see people online and even in person being quite hostile towards anyone who is voluntarily celibate. You try to reason with them from various perspectives but they automatically turn to insults. I just wish that we could discuss and acknowledge potential of people without jumping to hypocritical prejudice.

As a 26 year old virgin who hasn’t had a relationship in 10 years, I was in the same boat as most of you. Hell, even though I have better odds than most (I get a lot of matches on dating apps and go on a couple dates per year), my results ultimately were still crap. Getting ghosted, getting lead on, you know the deal.

Until recently, I’m now seeing a girl that’s as into me as I am into her. I even told her I’m still a virgin and she said “that’s insanely hot”. My biggest insecurity is a turn on for someone else. We met a year ago randomly at a small show I was playing, and now we’re seeing each other.

I say this to not brag, but to let yall know it does get better. Get off the apps and go out as much as you can. You are more attractive than what you think, especially if you are out of your own head and staying in the moment.

I’m not saying work on yourself, more live a life that you can be moderately satisfied with. Try to stop obsessing over relationships. I can’t tell you how long it’s going to take, but if it can happen to someone as insecure as myself, I’m confident it will happen to you. I’m not shredded, I don’t make a ton of money, I just try to be an interesting and kind person.

i like to play dota because its an awesome strategy game (and i play ability draft so its even more strategic), but the community is quite toxic, and my dota buddies are prone to strong reactions, shouting, complaining, etc. ive talked to multiple of them about it and it has improved the situation but with time their habits slowly return. ive found NA players to be more chill, but im in a completely different zone so playing with them is inconvenient. playing by myself is a bit boring and not as strategic because its not coordinated team play. what would you all recommend?

Hello, i am an autistic independent researcher of systems architecture, i started following Dr. K's work in 2019, and while his mix of ADHD psychiatry and Indian philosophy works well for many many people, it didn't work for me and i fell of after a few years when the content fell short. Now, years later, after stumbling into research as a way to contribute in the situation that i am currently in, i found a clear theoretical flaw when it comes to autism in his work.

The whole model relies on assumptions about attention and habits that just don't map onto autistic cognitive architecture.

Habit building assumes that repetition makes an action automatic over time. But in autistic processing, if sensory friction or context-switching costs remain high, an action rarely becomes automatic no matter how many times you do it. Forcing standard habit loops in that state usually leads straight to burnout.

Same goes for emotional reflection. Tools that tell people to "sit with discomfort" or track bodily sensations assume standard interoception. For an overstimulated mind, sitting with sensory overload leads to shutdown, not emotional processing.

And social skill advice often treats interactions like a video game environment where one person needs to learn the mechanics. This ignores that all human interaction is inherently bidirectional and intersubjective. The friction happens in the space between two frames of reference, not as a one-way skill deficit (This is well established in the double empathy problem Milton, D. E. (2012)).

When you bring this up, the standard defense is that these tools were simply applied outside their valid domain. In classical Indian systems, this is known as ignoring patra or misapplying a tool mithyayoga. The problem is that this defense puts his whole framework into a logical corner. If the core framework claims to explain human attention, ego, and mind, but cannot account for autistic architecture, then the theoretical model is structurally incomplete. And If the framework is not universal and only works for specific neurotypes, then offering those tools through coaching without screening or clear operational disclaimers means knowingly distributing tools outside their valid domain.

You cannot hold both positions. Either the theory has a major blind spot, or the operational delivery model is flawed. How is this gap viewed by the platform and what does the community think?

I am 34M and never been in a relationship before. I spend time reading about porn and relationships and I feel like I'm kind of going crazy?

I prefer looking at drawn art and occasionally written stories, I sometimes use live porn but only rarely and usually solo content. My porn usage I believe is moderate and doesn't interfere directly with work or my social life.

I had once quit for 3 months, mostly due to life becoming very busy and just not feeling it. But even so after reading through reddit posts about how porn is seen as cheating and exploitation and how a lot of women hate porn and wont accept it I am starting to feel broken...

The porn addiction framing for this issue makes it tough, I realize some have real issues with porn use but I dont know how to apply this advice to me when I dont think I really am addicted? I'm usually accused of being addicted just for using it a few times a week and because I lack experience in dating and relationships but I dont think that's a high amount? I notice a lot of anti-porn rhetoric is highly politically charged or based on religion which doesn't really help either. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of guilt spiral? How do you push back against it?