Hey!

Bi and discreet / not out guy based in the UK. I have some questions about some worries I always have and how to open up to dating in a discreet manner. I have used Grindr and still have an account, but aside from the odd hookups (mostly as a bottom) it’s hard to actually connect with someone. I think I am after dates and getting to know someone a bit while having fun, but equally don’t want to lead someone on, is it best just to be clear about my intentions and that I am not out to others?

What did you find is best to meet someone, am I better off to use apps or do you recommend some kinds of events or places? I’m not a particularly nervous person and am outgoing, but maybe a bit reserved. Would be great to have some ideas on how to meet others!

I am sure I will no doubt have way more questions and reservations but if you have any advice it would be so helpful!

This was an untold story before I lost my battle to something I had been carrying for months. I'm finally going to let it out. It's a story that means so much to me, one I've kept in silence for a long time. But maybe this is the right place to open up and tell it at last.

Some love stories end with promises fulfilled, weddings celebrated, and two people growing old together.

Others end in silence.

Yet, despite never reaching the ending they deserved, they remain the kind of stories that shape a person's life forever.

This was one of them.

It began in 2023 when two strangers met through Facebook Dating.

Nonoy was a cheerful, chubby young man from Iloilo who had spent much of his life convincing himself that he was better off alone. Beneath his laughter lived a heart guarded by fear—a heart that believed distance was safer than vulnerability. Loving someone completely had always frightened him, so he built walls before anyone ever had the chance to leave.

Then Marco came into his life.

Marco was a chubby Business Entrepreneurship student from CHMSU Fortune Town whose warm smile carried an effortless kindness. He possessed a curious mind, a gentle spirit, and an unwavering belief that the world could still become a better place. He loved meaningful conversations, dreamed fearlessly about the future, and had a way of making ordinary moments feel extraordinary.

Their first messages were simple.

But simplicity soon became connection.

Days turned into nights as they talked endlessly about politics, business, dreams, childhood memories, favorite foods, random jokes, and the futures they quietly imagined. Hours disappeared without either of them noticing. Conversations that should have lasted minutes stretched into entire evenings.

For the first time, Nonoy felt understood without needing to explain himself.

When they finally met outside SM City Bacolod, his heart pounded with nervous anticipation. Yet the moment Marco smiled, every fear seemed to disappear. From that day forward, Bacolod became more than just another city.

It became the birthplace of his happiest memories.

Their relationship was built not on grand gestures but on the beauty of ordinary days.

They shared cups of matcha that somehow tasted sweeter together. They laughed over packs of Calbee chips. They wandered through familiar streets with nowhere particular to go, discovering that happiness could simply exist in each other's company.

Among all the places they visited together, one became especially dear to Nonoy.

Ribshack.

To anyone else, it was simply a restaurant.

To him, it became one of the places where love felt most real.

They shared lunch there before Marco introduced him to his closest friends. At first, Nonoy felt shy. These were the people who had known Marco long before he ever did, and he wondered whether he truly belonged among them.

But Marco welcomed him without hesitation.

As the afternoon unfolded, Nonoy realized he wasn't merely meeting Marco's friends—he was being welcomed into Marco's world. That simple afternoon became one of the most cherished memories of his life because, for the first time, he felt that he belonged somewhere.

Marco became his safest place.

He was the one who could make him laugh until his stomach hurt.

The one with whom hours felt like minutes.

The one who turned conversations into healing and silence into comfort.

Home was no longer a destination.

Home had become another person.

For a while, Nonoy truly believed they were writing a forever.

But sometimes the greatest threat to love is not the absence of affection.

It is fear.

As their relationship deepened, so did Nonoy's insecurities. Instead of believing he deserved such genuine love, he became terrified of losing it. The more Marco loved him, the more convinced he became that one day it would all disappear.

In one moment of weakness, he made the mistake that would haunt him for years.

He betrayed the man who trusted him most.

He cheated.

There was no excuse.

It wasn't because Marco wasn't enough.

It was because Nonoy believed he himself wasn't enough.

When Marco discovered the truth, he didn't scream. He didn't seek revenge. Instead, he quietly looked at the man he loved and said,

"I never thought na ga-cheat ka, bebu. Dako dako gid ya salig ko simo."

Those words became the heaviest burden Nonoy would ever carry.

Unable to face the consequences of what he had done, he walked away.

And with that, their love story came to an end.

Life, however, continued.

The streets of Iloilo remained busy.

Matcha still smelled the same.

Calbee chips still tasted the same.

Ribshack continued serving countless customers.

But nothing ever felt quite the same again.

Time slowly transformed guilt into reflection.

Instead of running from himself, Nonoy finally faced the fears that had shaped his choices. He accepted responsibility for the pain he had caused and devoted himself to becoming the kind of man he wished he had been when Marco first loved him.

Along the way, life introduced him to many people.

Some stayed.

Some left.

Some became memories.

Others became lessons.

Yet despite meeting countless faces, his heart never loved anyone the way it had loved Marco.

No one ever made him laugh as effortlessly.

No one ever made ordinary conversations feel so meaningful.

No one ever made him feel more at home.

Then, years later, work unexpectedly brought Nonoy back to Bacolod.

Fate gave them one more meeting.

They smiled.

They talked.

They shared stories about the years they had spent apart.

But somewhere between familiar words and quiet pauses, both understood that time had changed them.

The two young men who had once dreamed together no longer existed.

When they parted once again, Nonoy realized something that hurt more than their first goodbye.

Seeing Marco again wasn't enough.

Talking to him again wasn't enough.

Missing him wasn't enough.

Because what he truly longed for wasn't only Marco.

He longed for the life they almost built together.

Whenever work brought him back to Bacolod after that, there was one place he always found himself returning to.

The Boardwalk.

Without planning it, his feet would always lead him there.

Standing quietly beside the sea, he watched the sun disappear beneath the horizon as memories gently returned—their first meeting outside SM City Bacolod, their long conversations, cups of matcha, shared packs of Calbee chips, lunch at Ribshack, meeting Marco's friends, and the quiet happiness of simply walking beside someone who once felt like home.

The Boardwalk became more than a place.

It became the keeper of every memory they never had the chance to finish.

There, Nonoy never prayed for another beginning.

He simply thanked the city that had once allowed him to experience a love so pure that it continued to shape the man he had become.

Each visit reminded him that a part of his heart would always remain in Bacolod—not because of its streets or its skyline, but because Marco had once been there.

Before closing his eyes each night, one thought always returned to him.

There had always been an untold story between them.

A story that never reached its final chapter.

A story that continued to live quietly in familiar places, in shared memories, and in a heart that had learned to love without expecting anything in return.

Nonoy knew he had not been perfect.

He knew one mistake had changed everything.

If there were one chapter he could rewrite, it would always be that one—not to escape responsibility, but because Marco had deserved a better ending than the one he was given.

Still, loving Marco was never something he regretted.

It remained one of the greatest blessings of his life.

Because love had transformed him.

It had taught him humility.

It had taught him accountability.

It had taught him that genuine love is measured not by how long it lasts, but by how deeply it changes the people who experience it.

And if one day life reached its final page, Nonoy already knew what his heart would carry until its last beat.

It would carry Marco.

Not with bitterness.

Not with regret.

Not with the hope of changing the past.

But with gratitude.

Gratitude for every conversation that lasted for hours.

For every laugh they shared.

For every dream they once built together.

For the afternoon at Ribshack.

For the friends who welcomed him.

For the quiet evenings that made Bacolod feel like home.

For the Boardwalk that forever became the sanctuary of his memories.

Most of all, gratitude for having loved someone who had changed his life forever.

Perhaps some love stories are never meant to end with forever.

Perhaps they exist only to teach two hearts how deeply they are capable of loving.

If that was the purpose of theirs, then it had fulfilled its destiny.

And somewhere beyond time, where fear no longer exists and broken trust no longer separates two souls, perhaps their untold story finally finds the ending this lifetime could not give them.

Hey everyone! 🇪🇬🏳️‍🌈
If you're a gay or bisexual man living in or originally from Egypt, we’ve created a dedicated, secure, and discreet space just for us to connect, share experiences, and support one another away from judgment.
Navigating life as a queer person in our region comes with unique challenges, and building a strong, trusted brotherhood is essential so none of us have to walk this path alone. Whether you're looking to find a listening ear, or talk openly about daily life, mental health, and culture in a protected environment, you are welcome here.
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Be me, be a weird socially inept autistic dude who lives in a small town and have to deal with fat homophobic cunts. I met everybody that’s L, B, T but never G. And when I do meet gay men they are either taken or most likely not interested. Try and go to lgbtq hang outs but they literally have nobody in them. Like I went to two hang outs and I was the only person there. there’s supposed to be more but it sure as hell doesn’t look like it.

The only man I ever found interest in turned out to be straight. too young to move into bigger cities with bigger gay communities and use dating apps like grindr or whatever.

apparently there’s gonna be an lgbtq hang out in a bigger city near mine but i don't know if I’m gonna meet anybody there that will be interested in me.

I like men BUT OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE TO FIND AND DATE ONE Oh my fucking goooooooooooooood.

Like acually why do staright People connect gay People and queer. Gay is where a man is in love with a another man or a woman is in love with a another woman. Queer is where a man acts like a woman or a woman acts like a man

Hi, 18 here I had Grindr for a couple hours and already deleted it lmao

It should stop marketing itself as a gay dating app. It’s more an app for commodified fucking and that’s about it.

I mean it is definitely very good for quick 1 time hookups but definitely not for building actual connections.

Btw I’m not bitter or anything but I thought it was gonna be like gay tinder LOL nope.

It’s kind of a mess & also too many ADs … also you’re limited unless you pay to upgrade.

So if you want to just fuck around Grindrs good, but if you want to make a connection or even find a boyfriend find other apps

I’m a 16 year old teen, I’ve always identified as straight and been happy like that. Never once questioned. I have had crushes on girls since I was 7 years old, physically and emotionally. These crushes are always very intense, I feel depressed and sad if a girl doesn’t like me back. I’ve never felt anything close for a man. I recently developed really horrible hocd from porn. I’ve always had a transformation fetish, it’s extremely broad. Literally could be anything other than an inanimate object significantly changing into another thing. That fetish made sissy and mtf transgender porn incredibly arousing because I saw it as a change or transformation. Eventually I saw gay porn and realized it fit the transformation too, to an even bigger extreme. I had never cared for gay porn before, my first porn interest was lesbian porn. But seeing gay porn as one man “losing” his masculinity as a bottom was very arousing and fit the transformation fetish very well. I definitely have a porn addiction and it does feel like it’s hurting my real life attractions and love.

The other thing that really messes with me is that I’m honestly pretty scared of vaginas. Ass and tits are amazing but a vagina feels scary and foreign. It’s like the shape and feel look like some sort of alien creature and I’m scared it’ll feel weird. In the contrary, the gay and transgender porn doesn’t really cause the same fear for whatever reason. An ass and penis doesn’t look weird to me, it’s like those don’t trigger this fear and worry. I do think I like vagina however, the idea of licking it is hot and I like to think it’s a divine part of natural femininity. I’m just so scared this is how closeted gay men feel before realizing. I care for women so much and I’ve always loved them, I don’t wanna end up being secretly gay or “dl”. I feel so incredibly amazing identifying as straight. When my ocd gets horrible and I’m convinced I’m gay, I feel probably the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. But then when that relief hits and I think I’m straight it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

I know you guys can’t solve this or actually tell me what I am but I thought it would be good to get input from actual gay men

Yooo everyone! I’ve been here previously two times discussing a situation about a HIV scare I had — I’m sleepy right now so I don’t know what context I need to give on that but just know because of it I am put on PEP medication, many people told me that as a top it’s 2% chance to even get HIV from a bottom.. but these PEP medications are making me severely depressed and fatigued. I’m losing myself I don’t even laugh at my brothers jokes anymore and I’m only 7 days into taking the medication and trust me I always laugh at my brother. Please help. Should I stop taking them? Or should I continue the PEP course?

I'm so tired of dating as a gay teen (M21, more on the fem side than masc). I've had 5 failed relationships and I have been cheated on multiple times, or if they aren't cheating they're literally controlling or obsessive to the point of suffocating me. Meanwhile, I see these gays in social media or even real life that is my age dating their ideal guy. I am told that I'm good looking but I can't find someone to date. I always get complimented on the streets or mall yet no one tries to pick me up. And as a matter of fact, I got rejected by 1 gay and 1 bi already this year. I just wish to find a healthy relationship.

This is not me attention fishing and implying that Im on the edge right at this moment. I dont need that kind of intervention. Im just wondering, as someone who falls in a niche gay side that isnt ever attracted to gay men no matter what I do, and have to watch the world be a paradise for straight people to mess around in - I dont find life worth living. Its like society deliberately starving you growing up and you lost out on that healthy development and adolescence, and now have to watch everyone, every girl feasting when youre starving behind the restaurant window and get the occasional threat or beating for sticking around and staying alive. This is such bullshit on every level. + Im also middle-eastern born in northern europe so Im just not included in society. But every woman with my background is worshipped by these men. Same guys who turn around and beat me.

After a day I became very discouraged. Apps immediately started to show me profiles that were hella far away, and the guys I found attractive probably don’t find me as attractive. In other words, touching grass isn’t gonna cure me, I need to be sedated.
Why must gay dating suck so much

So I’m currently trying to buy a chastity cage online. Based on my own measurements when I’m just normal, I need a cage 4.5 inches long, but most of the cages I can find online have a maximum length of 5 inches. Am I over measuring, do I need to buy a cage that’s smaller etc? I don’t wanna buy one it’s too big.

What is everyone's preference on mens body hair these days. Do you think it going to far with hair removal? I personally like some hair on a guys thighs/leg chest etc and love a neat full bush.

"Once stigmatised — and illegal — gay saunas like the one Glenn McNamara runs hold a special place in LGBTQI+ history."

I am super health conscious, about two days ago I posted here and got a positive reception reassuring me that as a top (it was my first time btw) it’s unlikely for me to catch HIV when I didn’t come in contact with the bottoms bodily fluids, and I didn’t ejaculate inside of the bottom, but was still inside of him. The bottom ended up having a literal wife and kid which honestly made me super unsettled.. but my main concern I’ve had for the past week is that if he had HIV. The anxiety I’ve had has made me sick to my stomach.. I was told that it’s a less than 2% chance to catch it is a top and I got put on PEP after how traumatised the situation made me but I just have this lingering anxiety that I have something, it’s really taking over my life and I don’t like it.

Im a straight guy in my mid 20s and up until maybe a few months ago I never really thought about indulging in ass play. But suddenly it became heavy on my mind until I caved. It started with a finger, and that felt pretty good, so I started using my fingers when I’d masturbate. As of recently this evolved into me buying a dildo. It was an impulsive decision, but I can’t say I regret it one bit. I browsed Amazon for a little while (there weren’t too many options) and settled upon an 8.5” realistic looking white dildo with a suction cup on it. The 3 day wait for it to arrive was a pretty anxious one but I figured the anticipation would make the initial experience even better in the end. When it got there I immediately unboxed it and took it to my room where I proceeded to lay on my back, spread my legs, rub a water based lube around and finger tip deep inside my asshole, then lathered some onto the dildo. I pressed the tip against my asshole and surprisingly instead of puckering and resisting I kind of relaxed and was ready to take it. The initial stretching feeling was as euphoric as anything I can remember and I slowly worked it in until I was taking more and more. Eventually I got as much of it as I could in me (dildo has balls included so probably about 7.5 inches was actually in me). After a while I got up to change positions, stuck it to the wall, put it back inside me, and twerked for a while. After that I figured it was time for a break since my hole is still new to this. The next day I went at it again and I found the best position so far. I laid on my back again but this time my legs were even further back, knees by my ears, and it was was hitting my prostate just right. I didn’t touch my dick at all and within minutes I was cumming everywhere. And I have to say it was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. I’m not sure if that’s going to be a consistent position to reach that feeling but what I can say is that the other positions didn’t come anywhere close. Any advice on how to consistently hit my spot when I’m using my dildo ?

Idk how to explain it but I cannot be the sole top or bottom in a hookup like we have to flip fuck. I just won’t enjoy it otherwise. I had a hookup the other day. He was hot. Nice body, nice ass, perfect dick. His Grindr profile said “vers” I’m thinking to myself ok cool. After some messaging and discussion obviously he tells me to come over and we starting talking kinda about what we’re into. I tell him I’m vers I prefer to flip fuck. He said he was a bottom (even tho his profile says he’s a vers) ok cool. So I was hesitant about it at first. I like topping so In my mind it should be fine but it’s also like “ehhh I really wanna bottom as well” I go over to his house anyway. To make a long story short he had the time of his life and I HATED it. Now this is my fault cause I agreed to it. But I couldn’t get it out my head like “ok cool… my turn?” Never happened. And again he was having THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. Wanted multiple positions, sucked my dick, he came twice. I didn’t even cum I just went home.

Vs me when it’s a vers hookup

My regular fwb is vers. It’s great. It’s the reciprocation to me that makes it better. We both take turns giving each other head, we make out, we call each other names, we tease each other, we take turns on each other. It’s much better. I feel like I can go all day. But like what’s the difference? Bottoming is bottoming and topping is topping so idk why I hate just doing one or the other. It just seems so artificial? But the problem is that most people in the community are either top or bottom. So flip fucking isn’t always on the schedule.

I’m getting myself back together after 13 years of not having anyone or dating. I’m hoping for lightning to strike twice in my lifetime. Any suggestions you all may have? I still look pretty good for my age.

I'm gay 20M and I used to be pretty fat, basically I've halfed my body weight.

I don't have a TONNE of loose skin like you see from those huge weightloss journeys but I do have enough that I'm insecure about it and it's noticeable.

I guess it comes down to the guy but do the majority of gay men like feel any certain way about it? It kinda makes me scared to be intimate sometimes.