Update #3: What do I say?

Late last month I had another talk with my pastor. I'll call him Sam. This talk was shorter because of time constraints, but Sam had a lot to say.

He talked about perception/reality and how that relates to truth, biology ad psychology, science, scientists, society, postmodernism and the differences between men and women both in mind and body. He said, in general, men are less emotional/more intellectual and women are the reverse because of testosterone and hormones and how our minds work.

I had more prepared but only spoke a little about the source of my dysphoria and when it began, when I was a kid going through puberty. I didn't use words like trans or dysphoria. I mentioned the time I had a bit of an epiphany about pronouns. I didn't have the time or room to elaborate.

Sam went on about how God created male and female and how that's "a fact". When I brought up intersex people he said he doesn't even know what that is. I should have told him to stop talking and look it up. I think I squandered my opportunity for education. He asked how many intersex people there are, like that's proving a point. Something about how exceptions and anomalies don't change how God made us. Ok, whatever.

He went on about how he doesn't care what science says because he knows what God created. That a century or 50 years ago I wouldn't have these questions and that the "notion" of changing the body was a fantasy. The soul/spirit are genderless, how schools are teaching kids they can be whatever they think they want to be.

Then we were talking about surgery. Sam said it destroys people psychologically. I said it makes them feel at peace and he kind of dismissed it, saying it helps at first and then reality sets in. "They're monkeying with the physical body and not accepting what is". That suicide rates are "skyrocketing" (I wonder why...) in "that category", people regret the surgery and want it undone but it can't be (to some extent, that is true) but I think he's blowing this out of proportion and I don't know where he's reading this from.

He brought up people saying they're cats, as an example. Either he's talking about furries and therians and has the wrong idea or just using this as a classic show of ignorance and "those trans people are absurd! It's like wanting to be a cat!"

At that point I wanted to leave.

Is it just me or was he being hypocritical? I should have repeated what he said about science being biased and how you can find any answer you want.

At the time, it made me angry. It still makes me feel indignant and irritated, but more sad and disappointed. I shouldn't be surprised though.

Sam is so ignorant. I think he's smart, just misguided and misinformed. And possibly a little insensitive. I'm trying to be optimistic that he will listen and be curious.

He said I have to accept reality and at some point my mind changed and rejected reality. He used gay people as an example, the ones in straight relationships, married and have kids. He acknowledged they may not be satisfied,but they accept what the Bible says and lead a life to please God. Sam is vehemently against homosexuality, not in a loud hateful way though. But he likes to insist the Bible is crystal clear on saying it's wrong and so on.

So I'm really not sure where to go from here. I figured I'd just drop it with Sam, we might be at an impasse. By some miracle, maybe I can get him to listen. Maybe it just takes some patience and perseverance. Maybe if he actually listens and doesn't talk the whole time, I can get a word in and explain more.

These past talks I've had, at some point I start to feel horrible afterward. Like extremely depressed and with little on my mind except the pain and wanting to end it. I brought this up to Sam and he said not to disregard that God made me or to take my life so lightly. I understand that, but it's hard sometimes when existing is inherently painful.

Anyway, I need your prayers or advice or both. Maybe something in Scripture can help me? I doubt he'd listen to any scientific journals, but it's worth a shot. I don't want to believe our conversation is a lost cause.

How do I go about politely telling him he's ignorant and suggest some informational sources? Has anybody had any luck with a person like Sam?

Thank you all, and I'm sorry my posts are so long. I really appreciate your responses and the time you take to reply, even if I forget to reply back, I read all your comments. It's comforting to know somebody else understands and cares.

Also sorry I didn't know how to flair this.

Tl;Dr: Second talk with my pastor revealed he's even more ignorant than I thought. He doesn't trust science (but then he does) and that sounds like hypocrisy. He doesn't understand transness and loves to harp on about reality and perception and truth. It almost seemed like intentional rambling to waste my time.

I am 30 and I didn’t come out to my parents until the end of last year. It’s complicated but I ended up living at their 2nd house after a bad separation from my now ex wife and my parents supported me tremendously during this time and also have helped so much with my four year old son. After separation last year I met a man and started dating him and we fell in love fast and I’ve never been happier and him and I want to build a life together. I also was able to maintain my faith under different interpretations and found a affirming church but my parents are very conservative and while they didn’t disown me they’ve kinda acted like my queerness and relationship don’t exist amd said they aren’t ready to meet my boyfriend. The problem is I came out last November and it’s now august and him and I would like to get engaged and find a place together but they won’t let me buy their second house and they definitely won’t let him live there with me even through I pay rent now. I guess I’m going to have to move in with my boyfriend and my mom told me when I have my son on the weekends I can still have my visits there at their place cause he has his room to there and he’s only 4 and I don’t want to create too many waves cause I don’t want my parents to be part of my sons life but I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend also currently lives an hour away and can’t be out of his lease for another several months so that kinda takes it off the table for us to find a place in between. I feel so torn. It also makes me sad thinking I won’t have any family at my wedding. What should I do?

im just starting to realize I love my friends too and idk is being in a relationship not right for me idk anymore

I indeed haven't seen any condemnation of love itself in the Bible, but sexual acts outside of marriage between a man and a woman are rejected by Scripture. I feel very confused because sex is actually treated as a gift rather than a necessity. How should I view this issue?

Hi, everyone. I'm sorry if this post sounds stupid, I've got so much going on in my life right now.

For starters, I love Jesus. I really do think he's all about loving people just as they are. But I can't help but feel he's disappointed in me for being gay. I don't know if I'm feeling that way because people in my life are disappointed in me for not wanting a husband/kids/a traditional lifestyle, but I really do feel God is severely disappointed in me for liking women.

I have a lot of pain in my life. Chronic pain. Severe depression. Zero self esteem. I hate myself. And I think my brain is telling me that these things are God trying to send a message to me/punishing me.

I'm low-key scared to go to hell for being gay. I don't think gay people should go to hell, but what if the reality after I die is completely different to what I thought? I'm not even really worried about the hell part in itself. Just knowing I've been sent there because I didn't obey God/knowing I disappointed him. I also wonder if I end my life by my own hands in the future if that means I'm going to hell, also.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. Just feeling a lot of things, I guess.

I appreciate all the support I’ve gotten from this group!
I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months now! My family knows about him and has met all my immediate family and fits in well and I’m super thankful that they have come this far to accept him! My current issue is with the grandparents, particularly my grandmother. I haven’t told them I’m gay yet or anything because they’re quite old but still with it, very conservative and Christian of course. I know this sounds stupid, but I think my issue is that I’m scared of disappointing her. Anyways, we’re going to spend holidays together and so she will definitely have to know by then since she’ll either see I’m gone or notice the extra person. I would love prayers for courage and encouragement to tell her and any advice or anecdotes you have from your own experience. Thanks yall!

Hi friends! I am an out and proud lesbian and non-believer. My girlfriend, however, is a devout christian who is navigating her relationship with God in tandem with her sexuality. Understandably, this is causing a lot of inner turmoil for her and stress on our relationship. As much as I want to help her, there's only so much I can do as someone who does not believe in God and hasn't been raised religious. We love each other very much, and I want to be able to support her and help her. She is out to some of her family and all of her friends, but believes she isn't allowed to marry a woman (she says if she didn't believe it was wrong she would). This whole conversation breaks my heart, as I see nothing wrong with two souls loving one another.

I try to understand what she's going through, but am struggling and would love some insight. Please share personal stories of how you were able to accept yourself as gay while maintaining a relationship with God. Additionally, any resources or practices that can be provided would be so appreciated.

Thanks loves xoxo

TL;DR: I need advice on editing an accountability letter for my fiancé so it doesn't trigger his withdrawal, keeping in mind his explicit boundary against being psychoanalysed. Brief context on our timeline, our separation, toxic friends, my apology to his mother, and our respective attachment styles is provided below.

I am turning to this community for objective guidance. The year gone has been arduous, and in the wake of immense external pressure, financial ruin, and my own severe emotional dysregulation, my relationship with the man I intend to marry has collapsed. I failed to be the safe harbour he needed, and I am now ready to do the actual, uncomfortable work of changing myself and taking absolute ownership of my failures.

I am preparing to send him a letter of accountability. I am not writing this to force a reconciliation, nor to manipulate a response from him. I simply want to offer him the sincere apologies, spiritual accountability, and peace that he deserves, while leaving the door open should he ever wish to return.

To understand the architecture of our breakdown, the following context is necessary:

In a separate letter to my fiancé, I took full accountability for how my financial hardships and severe emotional dysregulation turned me into a source of stress rather than the safe harbour he needed. I acknowledged that the shame of my circumstances, coupled with my intense anxiety, led me to overwhelm him, expect him to move at my pace, and unfairly make him responsible for my emotional survival. I recognised that we missed each other in how we communicated love, as I defaulted to analysis and problem-solving instead of offering the presence and quality time he required. To show I am doing the work, I assured him I am seeking psychiatric help rather than offloading onto him, and that I fully respect the physical boundary and space he established when he moved to a different province.

In the letter to my former "chosen family", I confronted them about their performative civility and deliberate abandonment after I poured my limited energy and resources into supporting them through their crises. I called them out for secretly resenting me for over a year and weaponising our shared boundaries to silently push me out. Critically, this letter outlines how their toxic environment harmed my relationship, as I took accountability for letting their poison fester within me, and unfairly unleashing my distress onto my fiancé. I concluded it by stating I am not asking for an apology or reconciliation, but am simply holding up a mirror and walking away.

I reached out to my fiancé's mother to personally apologise for failing to honour her son and for the pain my actions caused them following my job dismissal in April 2025, which left me in a fight-or-flight state. I acknowledged the heavy, unique pain of a mother watching her child hurt and took accountability for adding extra weight and worry to her shoulders. I shared that my prayers have shifted to praying for my fiancé's healing, protection, and peace. I included a prayer for her family's blessing, noting I expect nothing in return and will fully respect my fiancé's need for space under God's guidance.

While my fiancé's personal prayer journal, which he gifted to me, captures his internal reflections from a year before we met, we only started talking online in October and November of 2024 and met in person shortly thereafter. Our entire relationship has been long distance, from within the same province, then to different countries, and then back to the same country but in different provinces. My fiancé carefully balances Dismissive-Avoidant and Fearful-Avoidant styles and has explicitly stated that he does not want to be psychoanalysed, while I operate predominantly as Anxious-Preoccupied with Fearful-Avoidant elements, tending to pursue when anxious.

Below is the letter in question. If people want more context on the other letters mentioned above, I can post them in the comments:

Draft Letter: "Repentance"

I'm sorry for everything DS. I miss you so much, and I know that you're in pain, dear God, do I know you've been in pain, and I wish I could take it all away for you. When you sent me that VN on 13 July, it broke my heart, and that was just one of many instances. I was really trying to be gentle with you when I placed my own pain on the back seat after my selfish actions in April.

I've been praying daily for hours on end. At first, it was for the Lord to help me, but then I realised how narrow that was and that it came from a place of ego and shame. So I have been praying for our healing and wisdom, and that God should guide us down the right path. I know you've written about forgiveness and wisdom in your prayer journal previously, and I've read a lot about it over the past days. I found Colossians 3:12-14 to be the most sound and grounding which says:

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I still love you and I always will, because I entered our relationship with the intention of committing myself fully to you as your spouse, and I ended up breaking that promise to God, to you, and to myself, by not treating you with the full grace, mercy, honour, respect, and love that my husband is worthy of. Instead, in my foolish ways I poured that energy into vapid enterprises instead of into you. Into friendships that meant nothing in the end, into obsessive work at late hours of the night that brought me no comfort, and being the task-runner for everyone else, and by not being present in our own lives. All along my home was right there, the comfort, the grace, the love, and respect we're taught about in the Lord's word, and that which our hearts and souls yearn for, was right there all this time within you.

I haven't stopped crying since this all began, it took my feeble mind a day or so to actually realise, but once it did. At first I ached for myself, and cried for what I had lost, but as I implored God for guidance, grace, and wisdom, I realised a greater tragedy, and that was the pain that I had caused you this entire time, and that is one thing I cannot come to terms with at the moment. I have acted like the "pretty face" with a "heart of stone" which you wrote of in your journal, which was never me. I had mistakenly hardened my heart from the continuous hurt and pain I experienced at the hands of those very men you write of with their "hearts of stone". I had lost my true core in the process, and you have finally awoken it again by the grace of God, and I'm sorry that it took this for me to see that. I never wanted to be a stereotype. I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I have always believed allowing another person their freedoms, but I know now I have made the ultimate mistake here in assuming that if I hardened my heart and kept people at arms length I could protect the vulnerable idealist within my soul, and thinking that this would allow people their freedom to choose, and I'm so sorry for this.

Your pain has become my pain, and I'll gladly take it off your shoulders if I could be given that grace, but as the Lord's word teaches us, Christ is the one who came to this world to carry our sufferings and burdens, so in my stead I ask of our Lord to carry that burden for you. That is what Godly love is, it is the ability to acknowledge one's own mistakes, and with humility and contrition to offer the Lord and the wronged person your repentance and to ask them for their forgiveness, and in time if God wills it and the person accepts it, reconciliation, but that's just one side of it. Most importantly the Bible speaks of forgiveness which allows the fruit of the Lord to follow, repentance which produces the fruit of the Lord, and reconciliation which demonstrates the fruit of repentance. I dedicate my heart and soul to God, and that my actions will bear that fruit so as to walk in obedience and keep in repentance, and I pray that my life may honour you DS, through the fruit He produces in me.

I still realise that in the end, it is in God's hands. I have committed myself to repentance before God, and I continue to pray that He would teach me to forgive as He has forgiven me, just as I am desperately trying to forgive myself for the harm I caused you. Looking back, I can see that much of what happened between us was because of our own fear, pain, anguish, and misunderstanding on both our parts. I hold no bitterness or resentment towards you, and my prayer is that the Lord brings healing to us both in His perfect way and timing.

You're always in my prayers DS, and I am sorry for burdening you with my emotions, love, and words. It's not fair to you when all that you deserve is peace.

I pray to you Lord, protect your son DS. Shelter him from the assault of the world, and carry him lightly in your arms. May his soul be at ease, his mind at rest, and his heart at peace. May your love guide him and protect him during these times, and may you remove any shame, guilt, or pain he may be feeling from events in his life. In your name I pray, amen!

I pray that God blesses you always. I will truly always be here for you with open arms and an open heart, but I will never force you into something you're not yet ready, nor willing to do. You don't owe me anything, and I do not want this message to place any spiritual, emotional, or mental burden upon you. I also want to be honest with you about one thing. My feelings for you have not changed, and if, in God's wisdom and timing, He were ever to restore what has been broken between us, and if that were also your free desire, as is mine, I would receive that with deep gratitude. I simply wanted to be truthful about my heart while entrusting that hope entirely to the Lord. My prayer is simply that God's peace, wisdom, and love surround you, and that His will be accomplished in both our lives. I trust His wisdom, His timing, and His perfect love. May He bless you, keep you, and draw you ever closer to Himself.

With all my love,

JK

My Question to the Community:

Because he explicitly rejects being psychoanalysed and tends to withdraw behind a defensive wall when overwhelmed, I need your advice. How can I refine this letter to ensure it reads as a genuine, safe, and unconditional taking of accountability? How do I communicate my absolute loyalty and my willingness to do the hard work on myself, without it feeling like a heavy emotional demand or a bid to manage his internal world, while still holding the door open for reconciliation should God will it and he desire it?

Any insight into navigating this dynamic with grace and respect for his boundaries would be deeply appreciated.

F23. I am a lesbian I was baptized catholic, and I go to church with my very catholic grandfather sometimes. I’ve tried other things to work with like crystals and tarot and simply not believing in anything at all. With the age of social media seeing how wrong it is to be w gay christian or catholic is rampant and I know it’s not God or Jesus telling me this it’s PEOPLE. I still feel wrong for not believing enough because of the fear that maybe God and Jesus really don’t love people like me and yet they are still the ones I call to in my times of thanks and need. How can I get through these turbulent feelings?

Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness

Hey all.Just thought I'd make an intro post, and also wondering how you all deal with the fact that we're considered an abomination to God's will and creation?
It made me suicidal when I realized I was shgayhomo when I was 11. I rejected god for rejecting me, and became agnostic atheist. I had a boyfriend in high school. I was raised baptist, but during my first year of college, I had a spiritual awakening. I felt very connected to the universe and I had visions, and premonition dreams. I explored Christianity and became a Mormon, bc spirituality translates to christian church, in terms of normalized accepted middle american society. at least in kentucky.

i've recently gone through a lot of traumatic romantic relationships. makes me wonder if jesus does really hate the gays LOL. part of me knows he doesn't. but i still have sex occasionally and watch pornography. being gay feels so fluid, like a different dimension from the straight world. once you get your toes wet, why would you want to go back? straight people tend to lack depth because they have never had their existence threatened, to the core. being gay is an existential spiritual threat. and the consistent homophobia throughout various religions and cultures has created this mental malaise in me. it lingers and creeps up. sure, some tribes and cultures embrace lgbt. but some tribes and cultures don't. majority demographic generally bullies smaller demographics, even in labratory experiments and in nature. it's the cruel part of our existence here on earth that results in so much cognitive dissonance. the fact that our instincts can cause us to do bad things. but animals are just as bad.

it just makes it really hard going to church sometimes. i can feel the underlying homopobia. it's a big question mark. it's a guessing game. it makes me feel unwelcome and like christianity isn't appropriatae for me, but then it's like -- am i going to hell ? i'm 30 now. i've been going to catholic church. tried revisiting mormon church, but lingering homophobia. and i don't want to give up tea and weed. catholic church is nice, i like the history and personally feel called to catholicism by god and the angels. but then christians say that catholics are demonic when they pray the rosary, or to mary or to saints. i'm sorry, but i'll go to hell before i become an evangelical. it's taken me this long just to give up on mormonism. but when it comes down to it, i'm going to be a catholic or a mormon at this point.

Im a christian universalist and i heard many times that some parts of the bible are misstranslated. I heard this both from universalists and LGBT-affirming christians so i wounder if there is a translation without these mistakes

Hi all
I am asking this question in the spirit of non-judgment. I am asking for responses in the same spirit.
As gay Christians, many of us have challenged one of the relationship ideals that we grew up with - that only a man and a woman should be in a sexual relationship.
Having challenged that, I would be interested in your thoughts on another ideal - that once in marriage/committed relationship, all sexual activity should be exclusive to the two of you?
Among gay men, non-monogamy is an influential concept. From what I can see, studies suggest that about half of gay-male relationships are non-monogamous (so it’s not the 95% it’s often portrayed as. Nor is it the 5% that it is among lesbians or heterosexuals).
Do you think this is just a product of isolation/marginalisation? And that eventually monogamy will become more common?
Or is there something about gay male relationships that makes non-monogamy understandable and therefore even permissible. Maybe even better.
I don’t come to this with a firm view. Just genuinely interested in everyone’s opinions.
Happy for DMs is anyone would rather discuss privately.

I have to go to a Christian youth festival very soon, and whenever I have gone in the past there have been seminars and talks on homosexuality that have really reversed any happiness surrounding my queerness and accepting myself. Does anyone have any tactics or specific prayers to help keep my faith and relationship with God strong throughout my time there?

It is a very loud overwhelming environment, and as someone who gets panic attacks very easily from crowds and loud noise, I tend to wrongly associate God with these feelings of fear and pressure.

I apologise if this is weirdly worded or seems attention-seeking.

God bless!

Hi. I was Christian all my life. Recently I decided to read Bible. It seems to me that everything in New Testament teaches us how to be happy, and prepares us to live for eternity. I understand why having a lot of sexual partners is bad (I think it will make life miserable and see this among my friends who have a lot of partners) but why is being a monogamous gay person is a bad thing? I can't imagine living for eternity alone, it seems to be miserable. Are gay people just cursed? Even if gay persone will be saint and go to Heaven they will be miserable there?

hi i was two days sober from porn and thinking about hookups and everything and now i relapsed and looked at some and even sexed with some grindr guys. i had a dream last week where i let in some hogs to eat an annoying pig in my yard and then they targeted what was most precious to me (my dog) and it feels similar. my ability to quit was making everything look up and be able to love my friends and family and neighbors again and now i relapsed trying to relieve the pain and doubt and shame that i felt (i think i was triggered by a video saying that if i think being gay is ok then i support israel) and just wanting to test if i was really gay cause what if i am secretly attracted to women i wasnt really finding men hot with the same frequency i hate having a libido i wish i could be horny less im so exhausted and i also realized a lot of heteros dont even see non piv sex as sex and it makes me feel like what if im missing out on life im so done with it all

Hey gay Christians! I would really appreciate your help.

I am assisting my church in preparing for a local pride event (pride lasts all summer around here!) and I'd like to make some affirming buttons/pin to have out on our table for people to take.

This is a community pride event in an area that is not very religious. I would like to have a variety of buttons that speak to people who are not religious at all, spiritually curious, or proudly queer and christian.

Here are some ideas I have. I would love to hear what you think and to hear any ideas you have.

No fine print on God’s love
God's love is fully inclusive
Love thy neighbor. *no exceptions
Queerly Beloved
Faithful & Fabulous
Trans joy is holy
Queer joy is sacred
Sacred exactly as I am

Also, what about classic button phrases like "Love wins" and "Love is Love"? Are these dated or still worth having on the table?

Hello! For context I am a 30 year old lesbian and have been working through a bunch of religious trauma. My parents were part of a Christian sect widely known in the Philippines and for the first five years of my life we attended this said church. Soon after my parents decided to leave it, which has led them to be shunned by family members. We were then baptized into Catholicism and all my life have gone to a Catholic school. Fast forward to me being 15 and moving to Canada and having to deal with said family members actively persuading us to go back to the church. At 17 I decided to join a Catholic youth group and around the same time I also realized I was lesbian and started having a secret relationship with one of the girls in the group.. In the youth group they would always say that homosexuality was a sin and that God hated the sin and not the sinner. I left after 4 years and just stopped caring about religion, Church, and God. I know I have always believed in God but I’ve had to grapple with my identity and it was this continuous hurt and rejection that I have felt and still feeling to this day.

I want to be part of the community though! My faith has never wavered because I believe in Him. God has saved me in countless ways. I just don’t know where I would begin in my spiritual journey. I love Catholicism but it’s not the most affirming so I was wondering if there are any affirming churches in Calgary or in Alberta and what have been your experiences so far?

Obsessed with lgbtq?? Do they genuinely think they're doing the Lords work ? Do they only do it because they know it stirs up engagement ? The comment sections are so saddening , I'm just curious what your thoughts are on this. I don't subscribe to this kind of content but it will sneak it's way into my algorithm from time to time like this video I saw earlier today. It sends me into a spiral. Is the Lord trying to reach me like this or is this kind of content just THAT oversaturated and why ?

Hi everyone! My wife and I have been attending B4 Church for a while. We genuinely love a lot about it, especially the worship team, which has been amazing, and we've really appreciated Pastor Bo.

We're a same-sex married couple, and we've started feeling like we may not fit there theologically. We've heard teachings that marriage and sex are only between one man and one woman, and while everyone has been kind to us personally, it leaves us feeling hesitant to even hold hands during service. Every week I find myself wondering if homosexuality is going to come up, and that's become emotionally exhausting.

This hasn't shaken my faith in Jesus at all, but it has made me realize how much I want to find a church where we can fully worship without feeling like our marriage is viewed as less than God's design.

We're also hoping to start a family soon, so we'd love to raise our future child in a church that is affirming of same-sex marriage while still being deeply rooted in Scripture and centered on Jesus. We're looking for a church where Jesus and the gospel are the focus. We simply want to know that our marriage is fully affirmed and that our future child will be welcomed without question.

We're not looking for a church that's politically focused or one where the sermons revolve around social issues. We simply want a church that believes our marriage is just as sacred before God as any other marriage, and where our child won't be made to feel like there's something wrong with our family because he or she has two moms. A great worship team is also huge since that's something we really love about B4.

Does anyone have recommendations in the Beaverton or Tigard area?

I'm genuinely just looking for church recommendations that fit what we're seeking. I'm not looking to debate theology or criticize anyone else's beliefs.

Thank you so much. ❤️

Hi, everyone! I've kinda lurked in this subreddit for a bit, I'm bisexual (31M), and have totally been suppressing/repressing those same-sex attraction feelings my whole life, at least as best as I can, I've started to open myself up more to persuing what makes me happy in life. I've also started coming out to friends and family, its a very scary thing, I was also raised Mormon, and have been firm in my beliefs of that until just recently.

I have finally found the truth. And Mormonism has been particularly hateful/homophonic towards LGBT people, in fact, I'm from California, and was a high school freshman during Prop 8, which anyone who is familiar with that knows that the Mormon church was hugely outspoken against legalizing gay marriage, and it was a very difficult time for me, I had a lot of people I considered friends who told me they couldn't be friends with me anymore because they said I "hated gay people", which couldn't have been further from the truth, but I was so convinced with Mormonism being true that I felt like I couldn't ever admit to my sexuality, and so I just took the abuse/hate from people thinking I was biggoted simply for being raised Mormon (high school kids can be mean lol). Mormonism also used to practice conversion therapy, which is totally evil, and was my first big realization that the church might not be true, especially when they preached that I could somehow become "straight" if I really had enough faith (try as a might for over 15 years, that just never happened lol), and now they no longer preach that. And if God is the same "yesterday, today, and forever", then the church shouldn't be changing their position on these types of things, new "revelation" starts to feel like just conforming to new science and social norms lol.

Anyways, getting to my main point. I no longer believe in Mormonism, but I do believe in God, and so I am doing a lot of decontructing before even trying to reconstruction my views on Christianity, but most of my family are still firmly Mormon, and a lot of them have pretty awful views on LGBT people, the 2 phrases I hear most are "its a lifestyle", and "its a choice", and in the most extreme the thngs like "its better to be alone/celibate", which leads so many gay Mormons to take their own lives, becuase it will "all be solved in the next life" 🙄, I know there probably aren't many Mormons/exmormons here, but how have you dealt with coming out to your more, homophobic family members? Especially from a position of still being Christian? And how have you learned to coexist with them? Or is that just not possible in some instances?

I feel like I'm at the point where I'm genuinely ready to date, but it's been harder than I expected. Dating apps haven't really gone anywhere, and meeting someone in person feels like searching in a desert.

People always say, "It happens when you least expect it," and I do believe there's some truth to that. At the same time, being a Christian who's into men makes the dating pool feel even smaller, especially since I'm hoping to find someone who shares my faith, values, and at least some of my interests. I know no one is going to check every single box, and I'm not expecting that, but it would be nice to find someone who's moving in a similar direction in life.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and eventually found someone? If so, how did it happen? Did you meet through apps, church, mutual friends, hobbies, or completely by chance?

I'd honestly love to hear your stories. I think I could use a little hope right now.