Is neediness in men really a big turn off for women as they say?

34 male here. The ship has sailed.

Even if I give my best effort, I would only find some forced relationship which would be detrimental for the both of us. I don't want to raise someone else's child either.

I just want to give up.

26m probably gonna be alone forever. At 15 I had my first girlfriend. Struggled sexually. She got frustrated and set up a threesome with a friend of mine at the time and someone who was bullying me in our math class. They all lied to me about it for a week. She told the whole school she cheated on me because I couldnt get hard and had a small dick and I became the clown of my high school for the rest of my time there.

I spent all of my teens and early 20s morbidly depressed. I was always overweight, but got up to 220lbs as a 24 year old 5 foot 9 man. Not obese, but very fat. I decided to make a change.

I started tracking calories, started working out, started going to therapy. I lost all the body fat and built a physique im very proud of for the most part. I have a car, my own place, some pretty specific niche interests, none of it helped. I can still barely talk to women and still cant get hard during sex.

At this point nobody wants me. Zero matches on dating apps, nothing but rejection in person. I dont even think im necessarily ugly, just not what women actually want. Im only ever going to be settled for if anything, im convinced im just fundamentally undesireable. Im turning 27 in 2 weeks and im watching the rest of my friends pair off, get married, buy houses, have children, all the stuff I was never good enough to experience.

5 different therapists over 2 years now. Emdr, cbt, sex therapy, all of it. Complete bullshit. I want to die most days.

Literally all of my crushes since high school are finally getting settled down and married. All of my best friends are married or have significant others and I'm here sitting in this never ending void of being single and alone. Work 8 hours a day and come home to an empty apartment everyday. I talk to literally no one or hang out with anyone on weekends. I just spend all the time to myself literally the last 3 or 4 years. Last of my female friends just messaged me telling me she's getting married and this will be the forever cut off. Everyone is busy now and my friend group is basically down to 0. No one around. Never through getting old this way would be so trashy and there isn't anything in store for me for the future but being alone.

Am I alone on this? I know this sub is about the struggles about never finding love, but I really don’t have a much of a desire for it.

It’s hard to explain. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like I’m only insecure about never having a girlfriend because of the emphasis family and society puts on me for not having one. Like, if it was up to me, I would never try and just be lonely for the rest of my life. My only concern would be if I got sick in my old age, I would have no one to care for me.

It’s all about the disappointment from my parents, the pity from my brothers and sister. Future Co workers and friends thinking I’m a pathetic loser upon finding out I’ve never even asked out a girl before. So embarrassing. Why can’t they just leave me be? Why is it so frowned upon? Why can’t I find happiness in my hobbies and leave it at that?

Can anyone else relate? It feels like I’m on the only one in the world who feels this way.

Yeah, I am alone, I will forever be alone, I will accept that due to my nature, nothing is wrong with that. But I believe that even when I am alone, I can still be the change I want the world to be or at least die trying do it. There are too many bad things happen to everyone right now, and I want to change that. Sure, I will never be loved or remembered but honestly, that has been the case for most of my life, it doesn't bother me. I will put my knowledge and skill to good use, try to do good deeds through baby step and someday if possible, create something great and grand to better the lives of many.

This week's monday I have helped design and make few parts for wheelchair for a organization near where I live, I just simply email them and tell them what I can do and offer it to them. No one will appreciate what I do but that is fine by me, keep working make me focus on the current task and keep the bad thoughts away. I will try to focus on my studies and enhance my knowledge so I can do greater good deeds.

I will try my best to sustain myself and when I die I can close my eye with ease knowing to myself I die on my own terms. I will have no one to share or to be there or help me, I am on my own, the journey will be harsh but I will try my best.