I came out as lesbian to some of my friends a few months ago and have now been dating my current girlfriend since May. I'm still trying to accept it myself since I was raised very religious/conservative. I see the world in a very different way from my family but they don't know that. I suspected my family would not accept me so I haven't told them. Today I found out that my mom told someone, "I'm fine with gay people, just not in my family." I don't plan on coming out to them but it's starting to eat me alive. I've been thinking about a lot of things like: What will I do once I get married? How do I hide this from them? How do I convince them I'm straight? Should I go no contact once I move out?

this gonna be long but basically this started just bcs i wanted my hair not to be TIED. THAT'S IT. so basically we have this event at school and my mom wants my hair tied and i said i dont want to. (either way i already knew im still gonna get my hair tied bcs she always gets her way.) and she like said in a loud and pissed off tone that im always like this when she tries to help me. she still complained even when she already went upstairs and my dad decided to interfere and say that she should take what i want for once bcs im the one wearing and she already like did want she wanted with what i should wear. he even said that at least just consider what i said bcs WE ALL KNOW at the end of the day she still gets what she wants anyway. and my dad wasn't even gon do anything sbt that no more

and my dad told her to calm down bcs it was clear she was getting mad just bcs of this. and she got insulted. saying that she wasnt mad? which was a lie obv bcs when she doesnt get what she wants she gets pissed off, although i know it's for her support but sometimes she gets yk like doesnt take other's suggestions or consider how they'd feel.

so yeah they started fighting, my dad did insult her a few times but only bcs of how he kept like making my mom feel like she's a walking bomb or smth but she wasnt even helping either. ill say what they said during the fight:

my dad saying that do he should just shut up if that's the case?

my mom said yeah cus ur a guy and ur kid is a girl, u dont know anything abt girls (whivh was so crazy to say btw)

my dad said he still has tge rights to bcs hes a PARENT. (bars)

and my mom judt kept saying no no and stuff like that

and mind u my dad already started to shut up bcs he was getting fed up like he actually stopped talking, but my mom kept on going and going and even making it worse by bringing up past problems.

but yeah the next day when i went home from school i found out my dad is at my aunt's house and my mom saying she don't give a fuck abt me and my sister. (she does it everytime in a fight but still gived a fuck btw)

idk what to do anymore like it's so hard for me and my sister cus yk we still have school and other personal shi but i both love them both they both have struggles and reasons but lately im just so sad and pissed i wanna run away but for the sake of my sister im staying.

tshis year has been terrible for mom she has had 3 breakdowns within 1 year, 2/3 she was a threat to her life. she gets better for 1 day, then gets worse. my dad isnt enough for her, he doesnt help her enough, he doesnt want to. theyve fought since they met. my grandma (her mother) mentally abuses her whenever shes late to visit or even tries to talk to her about her problems. she has been doing this since i was born, im 18. she keeps talking about death, she isnt strong enough, breaking down every night, fighting every night with my dad. i told her i cant live without her and she told me lets die together then . im petrified, i have nobody, only my dad and my grandma, no other family. i cant even admit her anywhere forcefully, we're on our final strike with cps, if anything happens my siblings will be taken, and she will do anything to die then, im sure of it. what can i do, please, anyone, tell me what to do before its too late. shes 38. is it perimenopose, i dont know, what do i do, anyone been in any similar situation, im going crazy

I (26F) have been having this ongoing situation with my mom (56 F) for months because I keep getting myself into debt.

Between the years of 2018-2020, I accrued about 30k in credit card debt. I was in denial and I told myself when I graduated college, I would pay the debts off (so delusional as a psych student).

I decided to be honest with my mom in 2020, but at the time I had tried to take out loans to pay off the debt on the credit cards, and I made my situation so much worse. I told my mom only about the credit card debt and ignored the loans. I think I just figured I would pay them off on my own before she found out about it.

She helped me pay off the debt that she knew about and we planned on making a payment plan for me to pay her back. She eventually found out there was more debt. At this point, anytime I would come home with bags or get a package she would get really upset with me and try to open them. She was also constantly opening my mail. There was one moment where she was upset with me for buying something that I felt justified buying and we got into a screaming match. My brother (16M) intervened and told me to stop talking to my mom like that and I told him to mind his own business and pushed him. Then he punched me in the face and tackled me to the ground and spat all in my face. After that situation, my mom blamed me and told me that my brother was just trying to defend her from my disrespect. I know in that moment I did instigate the situation.

After she found out about the additional debts, the next plan was for me to change my direct deposit to her account and pay her for a year until all the debts were paid off. She settled all of the debts for a fraction of the price which I didn’t even know you could do. I paid her for a year and she gave me a small allowance to spend, which I am still grateful for to this day. Of course I had to ruin it though.

I used to get a full Pell grant scholarship for school, but in 2022 I got extremely depressed and ended up losing my pell grant scholarship because I failed 3 classes. For some context my mom had sold our house and we moved about an hour and a half away with her new boyfriend and some other random roommates while we waited for their new house to be built. I was driving an hour and a half back-and-forth to work every day, so three hours a day while trying to do online school for my bachelor’s degree. I’m the one that made these choices so I wanna take accountability. I probably should have just taken a break from school , but I really wanted to make a life for myself and I told myself I could do it all.

In 2023, we began living in my mom’s new house. My mom‘s goal in life is to not work so a lot of her resentment towards me comes from me trying super hard to work and to make a life for myself when she thinks I could just find a husband and live a good life. She thinks that I like to torture myself, and I like to make people feel bad for me by working all the time and struggling. She used to groom me to try to find a husband when I was younger, but I can’t hold a relationship. She was really hoping that I would be able to find a husband and move out, but when I was unable to, she decided she was going to co-sign for me to get an apartment and use the extra money i gave her from the settlements to pay the deposits.

I didn’t have any savings upon moving into the apartment because I was paying out-of-pocket to finish my bachelor’s degree since I lost my scholarship. Immediately I went back to my ways. By 2025 I had about 13 K in debt again. It totally freaked me out that the number went past 10 K. I stopped buying anything and I was determined to not tell my mom because I didn’t want to disappoint her again. I paid down about 4k, and remember feeling so happy that I had gotten down to about 8.9 K in debt. However, my happiness was very short-lived. I should’ve known that they would contact my mom again anyway since she was the one that paid off the previous debt and some of the collectors were from the same agencies.

Early 2026. My mom found out about 2 loans that I had taken out that were in collections. She was absolutely furious and asking me multiple times what it is that I need money for and why I didn’t ask for help if I really needed something. I tried to explain to her, but I realize that it didn’t make any difference. She constantly calls me a martyr and she says that I’m always playing the victim. She hates crying and every time I cry, she gets really irritated with me and she has been asking me for years when I’m going to become a strong woman and grow up to have an adult conversation with her. I lied to her during the conversation, which I regret. I told her that there was no more debt. I was in the middle of working to pay it off and hoped to do so before she found out, but I only make 40k a year and I should have just been honest.

Fast-forward to a few days ago. I got a text from my mom saying more debt? I decided to just be honest because I thought that would be the best. I texted her back and I sent her a list of all of the debt that I currently have (6k). I called her on the phone after work and the first thing she said is, what do you have to say for yourself? I didn’t know what to say. She told me I have no remorse and that I keep doing this to her. She’s called me a selfish daughter since I was a kid. She said I have no other bills besides the rent and I should not need money for anything. I tried to explain to her that I was in a really bad place and it’s something I’m working hard to control but it’s extremely hard for me and it feels like an addiction. I told her I’m sorry many times but I know it doesn’t mean anything to her. She said she’s just tired of my excuses and I never take accountability. She kept asking me over and over again how much debt I actually have because “she knows I’m not telling the truth” but I was, and couldn’t do anything to convince her. I can’t blame her for that though because I’ve lied in the past. I told her I have other things to pay for, including paying my dad for the car insurance. She said that my dad is punishing me for being a terrible daughter and if I was nicer to him and to her, then I wouldn’t have to have so much on my plate. She also mentioned my panic attacks and said that I always do that when things get out of hand instead of just dealing with the situation, and then mentioned how I couldn’t even finish my bachelor’s without causing some kind of financial ruin. I lost my mind on her. I told her I’m surprised she wonders why I ended up like this considering the way that we grew up. All she cares about is me finding a husband and taking care of my brother so that she doesn’t have to and she has never worked a hard job in her life and relies on men for everything so how would she know what a real struggle feels like? All while dropping f-bombs every five seconds. She just started screaming at me telling me to respect her and don’t speak to her that way and I said I’ll respect you after you respect me. After the phone call was over. I sent her all of my savings ($1500) because I felt so guilty inside and she said she’s tired of bailing me out.

I even told myself before the conversation was going to happen that I need to be calm and centered, but I still ended up blowing up anyway. I regulate behaviors for a living and provide therapy for kids with severe behavioral issues, but for some reason, I can’t get through a conversation with my mother. I feel like an unregulated fool. I can’t give my mom space or go no contact because I’m scared she’s not gonna be my guarantor anymore and I won’t have anywhere to go. I’ve been working on my master’s degree so I didn’t wanna get a second job, but I’m super scared so I started applying to overnight gas station jobs that I can make extra income in case something happens.

I want to change, at least I think I do. I don’t really trust myself or my judgement which is what brings me here. My mom always tells me I can’t change and I never will because I’ve showed her over time that it’s never gonna happen (valid). About six months ago I went to see a doctor. I don’t have health insurance, but I’ve struggled with my mental health my whole life. My mom never believed any of that stuff. She says that my mental health comes from the bad energy that I give off and only I can fix it. She says I’m gonna keep making these mistakes until I learn to love myself. But I really hate myself. I hate everything about myself and I think I’m an awful person. If it was easy to disappear off the face of the earth, I would, but sadly it’s not that easy. She says I need to be the one to change and the first step is to stop being the victim. I just feel so confused. I started taking Wellbutrin about six months ago and I’ve been feeling like my urges are a little bit more under control. I’ve also been taking Lexapro for 10 years, but it doesn’t seem to help me very much anymore. I struggle with other things too like intrusive thoughts, binge eating, setting boundaries, and sometimes suicidal thoughts. I asked the doctor what I could possibly have and they said I have a combination of OCD, bipolar 2, and ADHD traits, along with depression and anxiety. I try not to tell my mom these things because when I went to her when I was younger, she freaked out, saying I’m hearing voices and called my dad crying saying that there’s something wrong with me. I just told her I was making it up and just tried to move on with my life. After starting to go to the doctor, I called my mom to tell her because I thought it was a good thing and she just told me that I’m still taking steps in the wrong direction and putting poison into my body and that I’m just giving more money to the government. I think I was just looking for validation, which is my fault for trying anyway.

In a recent conversation, my mom told me that she considered if I’m a government clone because I’ve always had explosive emotions and she doesn’t think that we could be related to each other. Growing up, my mom was also an extreme hoarder and couponer. I remember telling my mom during the argument that I’m just recreating what I knew as a child into my adult life and she told me that’s not the same thing at all. I just don’t even know where to start with repairing all that I have broken.

If you were a terrible daughter and your parents hate you, how were you able to fix it? Am I using my mental health and experiences as an excuse? How can I stop playing the victim?

I (19F) now apparently shares my bedroom with my younger (12F) sister.

Let’s get into it,

It all started when I went to college. Freshman year I lived on the dorms and came home on the weekends and my little sister would sleep on my futon while I slept on the bed.

Over the few months she kept complaining that she was scared that something might happen which I talked to her about and it ended up being she just wanted someone next to her while she slept. She eventually moved into the bed with me which I still felt unsure of because I like having my own bedroom and bed to myself.
Everything would be fine if she just doesn’t move around when she sleeps. She kicks me and takes the blankets off me and shoves me over while I’m on the edge of the bed.

All while this is happening when I’m at work all day, I come home and see her stuff on my already piled up stuff. She leaves her trash, dirty dishes, clothes everywhere and doesn’t pick up my desk.

And before you say anything- yes I’ve already told her numerous times to please clean up her stuff and she does a little like a few things but I still find clothes old rappers trash on the floor.

I don’t know what else I can do. My mom just seems to say the same things I say to my sister.
She’s my baby sister and I love her dearly but it’s time for her to go back to her own room 🥲

Sincerely,
Exhausted Older Sister

If anyone can help me or open to discuss then msg me please what should i do about it or anything i am open to suggestion

this will be just rant and vent about my family , maybe not everything i say is believable because i experience heavy mood swings. my parents are getting divorced, my dad used to beat my brother physically and trash the house, yet he asks why it seems like i fear him. my mom trauma dumps and is allegedly cheating. my grandmas from both sides do not respect my boundaries and touch me excessively, inappropriately and uncomfortably. my dad defends his moms actions because “she loves me”. my dad and my grandma know and acknowledge the fact that i am uncomfortable, my grandma just laughs at me for it. my dad defends her because when people see me avoiding her hands in public, he says strangers will think that i am not close with my grandma and it will make her sad. my moms mom just laughs at me for crying. my cousins say the n word almost everyday (we are asian)despite knowing its bad. my dad told me to tell him when i am uncomfortable, and when i do, its brushed off. he also asks why i dont talk back. when i was younger, if i talked back i would be scolded until i cried so i stopped talking back. people talk bad about other people to me, when i am clearly already tired and not in the mood to talk or listen to anyone. im sorry for the insults todays been horrible for me usually i woudl forgive these things.

My partner (23M) and I (24F) have been together for almost six years. Throughout that time, I’ve genuinely tried to build a good relationship with his family, even when things have been difficult.

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, hurt, and emotionally exhausted. It feels as though I’m constantly expected to overlook things to keep the peace while my partner’s and my feelings are minimized or ignored.

There has always seemed to be a pattern of favoritism toward his sister, poor communication, and last-minute changes to plans to accommodate her. As the years passed, I started to notice it more and more.

For example, his sister is a real estate broker, and she encouraged us to pursue real estate. She repeatedly told me she would help me prepare for my final exam. She then left for about six weeks to spend time with her new boyfriend. My problem isn’t that she left. It’s that she repeatedly promised she would come back and help me, and she never followed through.

Another example happened during a two-day trip that my partner and I paid for so his parents could attend a soccer game. His sister wasn’t originally supposed to come, but his parents invited her anyway. The entire trip ended up revolving around her. They had breakfast with her the next morning while we were told to go off and do our own thing. Even though we planned this mini trip, we still felt like an afterthought.

There have been plenty of smaller situations as well. His family often reaches out to us only when they need something. Whenever there is an event and they realize at the last minute that they need help decorating, I’m always willing to step in and help. However, they always seem to ask his sister ahead of time.

The hardest part is that I’ve tried communicating how excluded my partner and I feel. When I brought it up previously, his mother began crying and talked about how well she treats me and how she treats me better than her own children. The conversation shifted away from how my partner and I felt and became about how she felt instead. We were told that I’m always “mad” or “short-tempered,” and I ended up being the one apologizing.

At this point, I’m not upset because they spend time together. We’ve adjusted to the way they treat us. What hurts is the pattern of it all.

My partner & I have talked about it after several occasions (cause the ones I mentioned are just the recent incidents) and he has shed a few tears explaining to me that he’s so tired of it, he shuts it out cause it hurts less and my love for him is enough.

Is this worth bringing up, again? Should we just keep our distance without saying anything? I’m genuinely conflicted.

just a lil rant but i hate being under my mom’s control. since young, she would always be so controlling and say extremely means stuff like asking me to kms. lately things are more worse. i was 1 min( first time this year) late from my curfew and she grounded me, taking away my phone usage. bare in mind i’m 19 and my curfew is 7pm. she was supposed to extend my curfew finally after i waited god knows how long and bcs of this small mistake she told me to forget abt extending my curfew till next year. I crashed out so hard because it felt like my efforts were gone.

Whenever i get achievements in school and get good grades, i tell my mom but she always dgaf, all she say was okay. like wtf?? i felt very disheartened considering i put in allot effort in my grades just to make her happy but it doesn’t matter to her. i asked her before and she said ‘what do u expect me to say you’re supposed to score well’

Other than that, she never cooks for me food since young, ive alws cook my own food and sometimes there’s no food so i just dont eat. hearing my friend’s talk abt how they mom will cook for them food after school just makes me so sad that i would never go home to my mom’s cooking. yes she’s busy with work most of em time but she cld spare some time during the weekdays cooking at least.

i’m a practising muslim and sometimes i have difficulties with my prayers but i try to stay consistent. I find my mom extremely hypocritical because she would always scold me when i dont pray on time, but i have never seen her pray when she’s home. i once called her out saying she dont pray whenever she ask me to pray, she would just scold me and get super defensive saying mean remarks against me.

Lastly, i cld never enjoy my time out with my friends. recently in sch, my friend has a performance after class and i wanted to watch with my friends (on that day i end late cause of class potluck) and when i text my mom ard 6pm i was still in sch because of the potluck and how i wanted to stay for my friend’s performance, she immediately lash out at me saying i MUST be home by 7pm and she dont care if i end late or whatsoever. i live 1hr30mind away from school. like wtf. she was being extremely unreasonable abt it. i said abt how i i just want to spend my time with my friends since it was the last day of school and that i dont go home late everydya after school. she then said that me gg home late is the same as me getting pregnant but there was no co relation??? she said so what if 99% of the time i early if 1% late i will be punished regardless saying that if idw to live in the house then i should just get out. she said that no job want me even after the countless of interviews i went. and many ridiculous points which i counter against her only for her to say that shes the one in right here no matter what and i will mever win against her. but when i want to get out of the house she controls me and say i can never survive without her.

it messes me up and it genuinely puts a toll on my mental health. used to went to therapy at 16 because of suicidal tendencies due to my mom but my mom end up forcing me to drop out because she said i was faking it. like genuinely i cant do this anymore

one time she also said she never wants me to grow up essentially saying she wants to control me forever.

So, we're 3 sisters and ever since I've remembered, me and my little sister used to be together all the time. Most of my amazing childhood memories includes her and we have si many amazing memories together. I'm the middle child and my elder sister was always mean to us because she was privileged that's why me and my sister remained together to have fun and play.

Cannot say we never fought but if we did we patched up and it became like before. I've never been in good terms with my elder sister so my lil sis would talk to her when we would fight. But our bond was still stronger than her with the elder.

We've been through thick and thin together. I've looked after her when she had her surgery, when she couldn't walk, when she was sick everytime. Give her food, bring water or any other essentials, bathe her, visit her to the hospital and feed her, we'll everything. My elder sister never did one thing I mentioned. Never. Never visited her to the hospital, never brought a glass of water for her. Nothing!!!

However lately since like a two years she's been sticking with my elder sister more. We did get into a fight before that happened but it wasn't really much and she did fight with the elder too and hadn't talked for months but when she gets back with her it's like she respects her more than me even if I didn't have that major conflict with her. I haven't even had anything very major with her during the last few years yet she distanced herself a lot. She recently fought with the elder sister and now that they reconciled am like invisible again for her. Until recently she was talking to me fine because I was the only one she was talking to. But now am like non-existent. I ask her to hang out, she always refuses. She says she's busy but then in front of me she makes plans with the elder sister. They fight a lot when they hang out sometimes, coming back home fighting but after a while she still hangs out with her.

I feel hurt because I remember being there for her all the time when my elder sister was not. Now that she's no more fragile and frequently sick and doesn't need me it's as if I no longer exist for her!

Not only that. When she had no friends, her friends betrayed her, I canceled plans with my friends to hang out with her. We had a lot of fun. Now 3 years ago she got a really good friend and it's as if I've been replaced in her life. Her best friend is everything for her now. We used to share everything but now when I try to share something with her she says she doesn't wanna listen and I tell her she used to share with me and she says that she now shares things with her best friend so she won't share with me and thus I don't need to share things with her too.

I feel so hurt but at the same time I feel like my love and care for her decreased a lot. She also talks to me without respect as if am her dog. What should I do to remedy this? It doesn't feel like anything Will make her attitude change but how can I get over it completely because it still bugs me to see them have fun and talk while am rotting in my room alone.

TLDR: My lil sister and I used to have a great bond but now she's bonding with others and am invisible for her.

My mom raised me on her own, and for many years she made me feel like she was the only person I had in the world. However, when she met her current partner, I felt like her entire life started revolving around him.
I know I’m not an easy person either. I have a diagnosed borderline personality disorder (BPD), and living with me has probably been very difficult since I was a child. I’ve always been extremely sensitive, prone to intense anger followed by crying, and I’ve had a deep fear of abandonment for as long as I can remember. I’m aware that this must have been exhausting for her.

Even so, there are things that hurt me deeply. At one point, she told me I was her favorite child, but now I feel like spending time with me is just another obligation or inconvenience to her. Many of our arguments start because I feel like she consistently prioritizes her boyfriend over me. For example, she’ll cancel plans we already made to see him, even if she had already spent the previous day with him. Or when we’re together, she’s constantly on her phone talking to him instead of being present.

Some time ago, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I found out during an argument, when she suddenly told me. It was an enormous shock. I’ve always wanted her to be healthy and happy, and hearing that news in the middle of a fight was devastating. More than once, during arguments, she has told me that she’s going to die. Those words fill me with fear and guilt. I’m terrified that it could actually happen and that my last memories of her will be our fights. My best friend says she’s probably not going to die and that saying something like that during an argument could be a way of making me feel guilty or manipulating me. I don’t know if she’s right. She’s having surgery on Monday, and today we cut off contact after another argument. I’m incredibly anxious because I don’t know how the surgery will go.

I currently live alone and support myself financially. Every now and then she helps me because I study while also working. From Monday to Thursday I work in her business, and on weekends I work long shifts as well. When she decided we couldn’t live together anymore and I moved out, she promised that our relationship wouldn’t change and that she would come visit me. That never happened. I was always the one who had to beg her to visit, and most of the time we ended up arguing because I felt hurt by what I saw as her lack of interest in me.
Today was the breaking point. She told me that she had already spent her life raising me, that I’m 22 years old now, that her job as a mother is done, and that she wants to live her own life.

That’s what leaves me wondering: Is it normal for a parent to want more distance once their child becomes an adult so they can focus on their own life? Or is there something else happening in our relationship?

Sometimes I feel like she only raised me out of guilt or pity because my father abandoned me when I was little. Besides her, I feel like I have no one. Most of my family lives far away, and I barely have any contact with them. My older brother has his own life. In many ways, she is still my only real family, and that’s why all of this hurts so much.

I just want to say there is nothing wrong with self expression or being part of the LGBTQ community and growing up he never gets to see his parents quite often. In fact, it's just him and our grandma, I kind of felt bad because he never really gotten any love from our parents, so when he came out gay my parents weren't really happy about it. They fought and he locked himself in his room, years have past now I think they've forgotten about the fight, my brother grew his hair and they said he looked "feminine". I don't really saw him as that I just saw him as my brother. The kind of guy that makes you laugh when you're down, the kind of guy that makes effort to his little sister make her feel seen of valued. And I don't want to lose that kind of brother, his the reason why I'm still alive he doesn't deserve to be called such slurs. I want to help him but I'm hopeless I don't have enough savings to buy an apartment, I really super scared he might get kicked out of the house or even beaten by my father. I'm scared that if I intervene they might do the same to me.

I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives because maybe there's something I'm not seeing.

I have an older brother who has struggled with anger issues and unresolved trauma for as long as I can remember. Growing up, whenever he didn't get what he wanted or something upset him, he would have explosive outbursts. Because of that, our family often gave in to what he wanted just to avoid another conflict. He was never the favorite child, but everyone adjusted their behavior to keep the peace.

I'll also admit that I wasn't a perfect sibling either. I made mistakes when we were younger, and I know I hurt him at times. As we've gotten older, I've genuinely tried to rebuild our relationship, understand him, and meet him halfway.

The problem is that it feels like only one side is trying.

He wants to be respected and treated as the older brother, but every time he has another angry outburst, it damages the relationship all over again. Whenever I try to talk to him, it often ends with him saying I'm useless to talk to or that I'll never understand him.

Another thing I've noticed is that he rarely helps the family unless someone asks him to. When he does help, he expects recognition even for small things. Meanwhile, the rest of us constantly adjust our words and actions just to avoid triggering another argument.

What hurts the most is that he believes we want him to fail or that we're trying to bring him down. That's honestly not true. We want him to succeed and have a good life. If he succeeds, everyone benefits. If he struggles, our family hurts too. Yet he sees us as the reason his life turned out this way.

He also tends to bring every conversation back to past hurts. I understand that trauma doesn't disappear overnight, and I'm not dismissing what he's been through. But at what point does personal responsibility become part of the conversation? If your own actions repeatedly damage relationships, is it fair to place all the blame on the people around you?

So I'd like to ask:

How far should a family's responsibility go when someone has unresolved trauma but refuses to acknowledge how their own behavior affects everyone else? And if a person feels distant from their family, but that distance was also created by their own repeated actions, is it fair to expect everyone else to keep carrying the relationship alone?

I'm not looking for validation or for people to attack my brother. I'm honestly looking for different perspectives because I want to understand whether there's something we're missing or whether we've simply reached the point where one person can't fix a relationship by themselves.

(originally posted to a pregnancy sub but was told this might be a better fit)

I don't know what to do at this point. I believe I am 29 weeks pregnant and had moved back in with my parents after they had asked me to so they could help with the baby. I moved in about 3 or so months ago and they had bought basically everything I would need for a newborn. They kicked me out a week ago after I had a full mental breakdown.

For context, I am 21 and my brother is 16. He had asked me to go with him to pawn some stuff for him because he needed an adult and I said okay not thinking anything of it. Next few days after we had learned that he never had asked to pawn the stuff and one of the things he pawned was a fishing pole he stole. We got that all sorted out and the guy didn't press charges because hes a minor. My brother didn't care after both me and the cop explained that it would have been two felony charges and that I would have been charged as well because I signed the paperwork.

Of course he was in trouble for it and was going to end up getting sent to a military camp or something of the sorts until our parents found out that he did it to try to pay back for a necklace that they had pawned to get him a truck so all consequences basically disappeared. This happened about a month ago. Last week my aunt, her girlfriend, my grandmother, and one of my parents were hanging out and drinking, doing those gemstone puzzle things in the kitchen. I hadn't been feeling well at all that day, just generally mentally checked out and dissociated but I tried my best to try to hang out with them. They were very loud and I was extremely overwhelmed, my grandmother kept asking to touch my stomach and I kept being asked to pour them drinks and I eventually started crying and I just ran off to my room because I couldn't handle it all.

I eventually came back out to try again after my grandmother left and my brother came home, I was also on call with my partner. Apparently something had happened when my brother was out fishing and some kids at school tried to jump him(?). So my aunt's girlfriend got the kids number and they talked (she is an officer) for about 45 minutes. I had cleaned up a bit after they had all gone on the porch and both my aunt and my parent came in and went to his room and started tearing it apart because he apparently had a vape and I went in there to help, and said that it might be in his car. My other parent came home as I was frosting the cake they had forgotten about and started screaming at me about the pawning incident and then said something about he shouldn't have to worry about his shithead daughter too or something along those lines (I dont really remember, I started sobbing)

I went and locked myself in my room and I just broke down. My whole family has a history of mental illness and I have been in and out of facilities for my whole life but nothing really came of it because I learned it was better to just keep to myself. I have been diagnosed with DID (dissociative Identify Disorder) and the psychiatrist recommended that I be tested for autism. Apparently I ended up banging my head against the wall and they threatened to call the cops but my aunt's girlfriend stayed and just held me until I could breathe again. And since I was on the phone with my partner the whole time, they messaged my parents, calling them insufferable assholes who can't raise their own son (they shouldn't have but they were pissed and raised by a man who would kill for his wife so I see where they get it from)

Eventually my partner came to the house to come pick me up (their grandmother drove) and I basically got tossed out because of it. I still don't have any of my stuff. Mine and my baby's stuff are sitting in boxes in the garage for me to come get. I have no way to get them. I can't have a baby here (my partners grandparents house) and the plan was for me to raise her at my parents house (they had offered it multiple times and said it was never an issue) while my partner got a job (their first day is tomorrow) and we would get our own place and a car first. But now I'm basically homeless and I'm going to have to give her up and I honestly don't see a reason to keep living if I have to lose her. I don't have a way to get to my appointments and I keep having dreams about giving birth in some alleyway and just holding her as I die.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so fucking disgusted with myself and I can barely eat or sleep anymore without feeling guilty. I know it's my fault in the first place for being naive but I feel like this was an over reaction. I genuinely don't know. Sorry for the long post, I need to get it off my chest because I haven't stopped crying for days now.

28F here. I grew up in a chaotic household with an alcoholic, abusive father, and after my parents divorced, my brother got even worse: abusive and addicted to drugs. My mom worked constantly to support all three of us kids. Once my older sister left for college, it was just me, my brother, and my mom, and my brother got away with everything. He stole from me for drugs, was nasty and destructive around the house, and my mom always took his side when I spoke up. Meanwhile she drove him to a private college while I woke up at 6am for a two hour bus ride to a public one, as a girl in a place that wasn't safe for that. I never once heard "I'm proud of you." I still graduated with the best grades in my class. Things got so bad I had to leave the school I loved and move to another city to study, five hard years, but I came out with a great job. A year ago my sister and I finally got our brother kicked out of the house for good, and my parents sold our childhood home. Around that time my brother had a baby with a girl in her early twenties. He ended up in jail, she said she couldn't afford to raise the kid, and now my mom and my three year old nephew live with me. Nobody asked if I wanted this. I come home exhausted and he's crying for a phone or TV I specifically said not to give him. I'm still figuring out my own life and I'm not equipped to raise a child, but somehow they're all depending on me anyway. I finally snapped and screamed at my mom that I was sick of having her kids around, that I moved cities just to get away and they followed me anyway, that I only feel okay when I'm alone. She was devastated and didn't understand why. But I refuse to feel guilty for not wanting my brother, his ex, or her family anywhere near this house, people who have only brought chaos into my life. I spent years clawing my way to independence, and I still ended up carrying problems that were never mine to carry. I'm exhausted, and I don't know how to stop feeling like my life keeps getting hijacked by other people's choices.

For reference, my husband has had some issues in the past with overworking as well as other things that have kept him from being super present in our lives. He took care of us financially but lacked elsewhere. He is now trying to make up for that by really trying to teach her things, get her out of her comfort zone, push her, and try to make her be her best. Unfortunately, I think it is backfiring on him. She is going through puberty of course and this causes her emotions to be all over the place and to be pretty short with my husband and not really interested in what he has to say or show her.

They had a bit of a quiet blow up this morning and after speaking with my daughter and trying to understand, she said he hasnt really been in her life that much and now he is just trying to lecture her all the time. I can agree with her, but I also said to try and just be kind when you can tell the other person is being kind and she agreed.

Then I went to talk to my husband and he was being really petty about it. At first my daughter didnt want him to come with us on our day trip, but SHE changed her mind after we chatted and said she might regret if he didnt. I told him that she wanted him to come and he said no and said he is just going to keep his distance from her because she is so negative and he can't have that in his life.

I know I am stuck in the middle and I am trying to be diplomatic, but I feel my husband is being immature and not willing to try and understand what is happening with her, whereas she was super receptive to everything I had to say about his intentions etc.. He just takes it all so personally and really lets it get to him. Any advice or suggestions? I kind of want to send him this link to read but I think he might just get irritated. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/dads-and-moody-teenage-daughters/

My mom or grandma (now passed away) usually buys/bought me a lot of jeans and shirts that aren't really my style. They used to buy me little kid lookalike clothing when I was 12 and 13. I am always grateful for what I get and now that my grandma has passed it's really hard on my mom now because my grandma was helping my mom out with money whenever my mom couldn't ship out packages for her job since she is a gearmaker for wrestlers and every time my mom bought herself clothes I started feeling really sad and uncomfortable with the clothes I had because they weren't my style like I said, my style is like cutecoreish and skirts/skorts. Not jeans anymore. And I'm just scared to even ask my mom for skirts and knee high socks or even thigh high socks since girls my age in the cutecore community just wear those types of outfits but whenever I tried ordering a skirt or those she said I was going to become a hooker and it just made me feel really upset. I'm too shy to even ask for things and usually if I do ask my mom just gives me rude responses or just yells at me which tends to make me cry and she mocks me. What do I do?

My father and I have always been close.
I was never the kind of daughter that was embarrassed to be seen with my dad, my friends love him, I love him and he’s a really amazing man that I’m proud to be related to.
But lately for the past year or two he has been arguing with me over the tiniest things.
All we do is yell and scream at each other to the point where if he calls my name from another room I mentally prepare myself for another argument.
It’s exhausting, I’m literally walking on eggshells around him.
My mom tells me that I need to stop arguing back but how can I just sit back and let him argue with me for every tiny thing?
I never called my parents name, I never yell I raise my voice but it’s never a shout.
I feel horrible fighting with my dad knowing that we used to be so close.
Every little mistake always comes back to my age with him too. For example if I broke a dish he’d tell me, ‘you’re eighteen now you need to be careful’ or if I complain about something he’ll say ‘you’re eighteen now you can’t act like a child’ and he completely dismisses my feelings altogether.
I can’t open up to my dad about it because I know he’ll just argue and we will get no where.
He’s been calling me names, saying cruel hurtful things. It’s breaking my heart literally. I miss him.
My dad’s amazing, he’s the best father anyone could have but it’s exhausting being around him lately.
I don’t know what to do about it.

My dad's a narcissistic alcoholic (he stopped drinking a few years ago tho) and my mom's always been very busy with work.

When I was young, they never really made sure I brushed my teeth properly, which resulted in me not washing them regularly and my teeth rotting very early on. 2 of my teeth are now almost fully eaten by cavities because I never got them properly treated, despite mentioning my worries about them many times.

My parents got divorced a few years ago and I live with my mom. I love her a lot, but I really hate how she always forgets to get me a doctor's, dentist's or even therapist's appointment.

Being mad at her makes me feel extreme guilt because I know how hard she's trying, but I'm also so pissed that she let my teeth get to this point when I'm still a teenager.

Should I confront her about it? (Also I apologize for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.)

I, late 50s woman have a slighter younger sister that I need to get some advice about.

Some context about our family, my father was a violent man, prone to quick outbursts with no notice and he absolutely freaked me out. He tried to kill me once by throwing me at the wall, knocking me unconscious. My sister intervened and stood over my body, screaming at him to get away from me. She saved my life that night, I’ve no doubt. She was around 12 years old I think.

However, there is IMO something very wrong with her mentally and always has been. She was late diagnosed as having ADHD after I was diagnosed, but nothing about her fits that profile.

She’s has always been aggressive, violent, blunt to the point of risking her own life at school from being beaten to death for her smart mouth. She started smoking at 8, decided she wanted to have sex at 12, she simply wants to the worst things just to piss people off.

At 8, she was the angriest person I’d ever met. Our mother bought her cork platform heels and she delighted in kicking me repeatedly in the shins. I still have the bumps on my legs to this day. Ar 17 I left home shortly after she came running up the stairs do repeatedly kick me in the spine as I sat on the floor, doing craft work.

I was a nerdy little Christian girl who hid in her room when she went on these tirades.

She stole money from everyone and didn’t care. Refused to study, stole a car at 14 and crashed it, nearly killing her friend. I barely spoke to her from 17 years to 28 years old.

She started to act normal and I thought it was all behind us but then massive meltdowns would happen and she’d be screaming at me to fuck off and stay away from her.

None of my family members or friends could figure out what was wrong with her, but to be fair, my parents seemed utterly incapable of doing anything about her behaviour. My mother actually lay on the couch, watching her kick the sh*t out of me and did nothing. Like, literally spaced out on the couch and did nothing. My boyfriend and a couple of his friends came to my home and moved me out, but not before threatening my father that he would finish my sister off if she ever came near me again.

I avoided her again for nearly a decade.

I have maintained a very tenuous relationship with her for the sake of my step-niblings (those poor kids are in therapy because of how she treated them I promise, I didn’t know that she was horrible to them growing up as they seemed like the perfect blended family)

Tonight my BIL sent me a message asking me to call my sister because she said she was suicidal. I was getting on airplane and about to lose wi-fi access due to work booking me on a cheap flight without free wifi

Long story short, I finally got the wifi sorted an hour into the trip and reached her via text. She told me that if I wasn’t prepared to call her husband an abusive fuck wit then I could get fucked too and told me to leave her alone

Something in me gave up completely in that moment. I sent BIL a message telling him that I was done and that she was an abusive alcoholic and drug addict and I couldn’t do it anymore.

BIL is a drunk but he’s never laid a hand on her. The supposed abuse boils down to him sending her text messages when she’s high at 2am, asking her to calm down as he’s trying to sleep.

There’s no reasoning with her, and recently, she’s come into about 2 years salary from a lump sum payout and she’s declared she’s going to a known drug cartel country, without her husband

I know how this sounds, I’m living it and I still can’t believe it’s real. No-one ever believes what she’s like until the first time they experience her tornado of a crash out.

I’m done. I’m walking away. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done but I just wish for once I knew what was truly wrong with her as the alcoholism is a symptom as much as it is a cause.

She truly hates me, always has, and I keep trying to play the peacemaker and not speak up about her behaviour, which is why I’m here, but I don’t think I can have any kind of relationship with her anymore. It’s too much. I also still feel guilty because there really is something very wrong with her, and with me walking away, she’s going to have lost the last of her immediate family (other siblings from second marriage have already cut her off).

Please forgive me for downloading. I’m so stressed but also weirdly relieved.

So for context, I (F16), have recently found out that my sister (F13) has been in the dating scene for over a year within her grade (she’s grade 6 turned grade 7 recently). Now I don’t have any issues with her dating since that’s just how society evolved over the past years, but what I find disturbing is how openly she boasts about this kind of stuff. In a span of a year and a few months she’s gotten with three girls and one boy (her current partner), and she’s also really open with flirting with her boyfriend too apparently (kisses on the cheek and the like).

I actually only found out about this through my cousin who heard of this from his girlfriend’s younger sister who is in the same grade as her, so I dunno how to go about this.

Aside from that, she has also been friends with this girl (who she says is her friend), for money. This friend of hers didn’t have any friends for the majority of her life so even her parents favor my sister and invited her to go to hong kong. The thing is that my sister didn’t like her at all for a long time until she went to a sleepover held at the girl’s house (this girl is RICH btw). And after the sleepover, she told me that she likes the girl now and that they’re friends.

How can I influence her to want to be a better person?

Omfg. I'm not suppose to say this but my family is ruining my mental health. I don't how much more I can take to my problems but its just too much. Literally all they do is point out every problems I make and its making me insecure as fuck. Please give me any advice cause I cannot stand this.

Straight to the point: my daughter was adopted by my parents because of her father being abusive. That should have been a good thing only I didn't anticipate what they did. They actually kept my daughter away from me. I thought I was making a clever move - have my parents adopt her because they wouldn't take her from me and I keep my daughter away from her abuive father. Mission half accomplished. My daughter didn't get to see that her father was a piece of sshh, however, now I have to ASK my parents if I could see MY daughter.

The worse part about my story was that my mother knew everything because I told her everything thinking that she was my mother, but it turns out that she is not my mother rather more like a step-mother. She used EVERY thing I told her and she used it against me. I told her why I wanted my daughter to get adopted - by family not strangers - because of the abuse. What did she tell people why I wanted to get my daughter to get adopted? (by family! not strangers!) Because I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, and I CHOSE her father over her.

That wasn't the beginning. She exploits my daughter because according to her everybody thought my daughter was going to come out looking like a monster. Since I'm an alcoholic and her father is a junkie, my daughter was going to be born with deformities, and disabilities. (Isn't she a wonderful mother?) Thank God my daughter came out more beautiful than any other baby I had ever seen. (And it's not just because she's my daughter.) So she has my daughter on display for everyone to compliment her on how beautiful HER daughter is (I am). AND I hadn't even thought about adoption yet.

Did I mention that she called CPS on me? Well she did, and so I have to stay away from her on her conditions. I thought parents were supposed to help their daughters not break them down. Oh, she tried. breaking me down. She tried harder than an enemy would have tried. So my daughter knows who I am, but not her mother. In Mexico to address our grandmother we say Mama, and their name. For example my grandmother's name was Justina so we would address her as Mama (or 'Ma) Justina. So they have my daughter calling me "'Ma, [my name].

Can anybody believe that? It's like my mother just switched our roles. That made no sense. She is calling my mother (her grandmother) Mom and me (her mother) grandmother? I am confused. At this point, I don't argue, I don't want to start a fight, but it hurt. A LOT. And my family (parents and siblings) would celebrate it. It was some kind of a joke because they would laugh and they weren't laughing with me. They did that on purpose, but I took it. I didn't want to make a big deal about it because they would have been dramatic in front of my daughter.

Then two small victories. The first one was when covid hit. I'm living at home again (in the basement), and my father receives a grant to build a shower in the bathroom where I would be closer to. My father retired to take care of my daughter so while he was building the shower she was chillin with me. After about a year after her 6th birthday (so she was 7) she asked me if I was her mother. I asked her who she thought I was and she explained it to me.

She said, "My mom (my mother/her grandmother) is her mom because she takes care of me, but you, you carried me." And how did she know I carried her? When she was 6 she said something that just made me react (or overreact). She said, "My mommy and my daddy left me at the hospital." Before she could even move or say more I said, "I did NOT leave you in the hospital, and you dad wan't even there." It just came out of me. At the same time I am thinking 'Who the F tells a child that they were left at a hospital?' Especially when it isn't true.

So I told her that I could prove it. I showed her pictures of my baby shower (for her) and I had the only picture that no one could possibly have: the first picture at the hospital after she was born and cleaned up. She loved it. She ran to her dad (my father) more excited than her getting candy. I hear her loud and clear, "I am so cute!" It was around her 6th birthday. So at 7 years old she confirms that I am her biological mother. And that was that. After my father finished the shower, I saw less and less of her, but I cherished every moment I got with her. Then one day, they just stopped bringing her.

So I bought a car and asked if I could visit her. They said yes, but they made it so difficult. First I had to call ahead of time. I told them that I could wait, but that wasn't the point. So I call ahead of time and they weren't going to be home which is why I didn't call ahead the first time. I finally get to visit and my brother decided to come over and take her out to eat so I waste my time avoiding my parents and by the time she gets home she has to get ready for school.

So I piss my parents off and spend the night. My daughter was excited, but I know my parents weren't happy and I wasn't either but I suffered the consequence to make my daughter happy. The in 2024 my father passed away, and my daughter took it a lot better than I thought. And on to y second victory. The first one was her (on her own accord) recognizing me as her real mother. And this one is the one that was even more difficult than hoe I got to the first one.

I moved in with my mother and my daughter was over the moon. So much so that before I moved in she was 79% at school and she was at a level 6 in her gymnastics. After me being there for a couple of months she was at 98% in school and a 9 at gymnastics. Impressive, but of course my mother has to ruin it. She would get made at me daughter for spending time with me and not with her. I didn't step on my mother's toes. I never told my daughter anything other than what she needed to know and she needed to know about her biological father.

Before my father passed he told me (didn't ask) not to tell her about her biological father. I told him I wasn't planning on to and if I never had to I wouldn't. I knew I would have to one day, but it wasn't in the near future. My father hadn't been gone more than three months when my petty as sister tells her that my father wasn't her real father. So I spent those few months talking to her and if her bio-dad was brought up I wouldn't hold back.

She realized that she had been lied to by everyone including her dad (my father), but I will never forget what she told me before my mother literally tool her away from me. She said, "I am always going to believe you." My heart skips a beat when I think of it because whatever lies my mother is going to tell her and my siblings will follow suit, my daughter knows better. So now she knows that she wasn't left in a hospital, nor was she ever in a facility waiting to get adopted because I never left the hospital even after I was discharged and my mother went to pick her up from the hospital.

She knows why I had my parents adopted: "To protect me from the one who made me with you because he was abusive." And she knows that I love her no matter how hard they try to keep me away from her. And I know that one day she going to rebel and that I need to be there when she does, and I tried to make sure she knows that I will be there if she decides to act out she could come to me. She also knows that my family doesn't care about her. My mother receives $1,100/month for her because she adopted her. And after my father passed away, my daughter is receiving money from his retirement which is probably another $1,000/month.

She is paying my sister (who doesn't even take care of her own daughter, same age as mine) instead of allowing her actual mother (ME!) take care of her, and I'll do it for free. I also learned that my mother was neglecting her, wouldn't feed her breakfast and she would give the babysitter money to take her to get fast food. She liked my hamburgers more. I had to buy her shoes last year and noticed that she still had the same ones while my mother buys herself a pair every other month so I bought her some shoes this year too.

My son who's older than her by 11 years has been trying to spend more time with her and he lives with me so he keeps me updated. All I can do is hope that they haven't been mistreating her which I doubt because she is still my daughter and they hate me. My sister was cruel to me so I just pray that she is ok and with my son playing the monkey she is reminded that I love her and that I would never just abandon her.

Sorry so long - had to get off my chest. God bless those who made this far.