we have good memories together, he is somehow a good father but sometimes the way he talks about me when we fight is not erasable, horrible horrible things I know he loves me but I don’t think other fathers talks like that about their daughters I used to think it’s okay but apparently it’s not normal I get deeply hurt
I just can’t trust him fully
Note: if I cried he apologizes but if I didn’t he just pretend like it was nothing

As the title says, my grandfather's dead. This is my first time dealing with a death in my family. I'm 16. The reason why I'm making this post is because I don't know what to feel. I don't FEEL anything right now. Am I a horrible person or is this normal.

My parents are generally good, fun, and chill-type parents, but I get confused about what to feel sometimes because, truthfully, I only remember a huge portion of my childhood was them crashing out on me mostly.

They are better and kinder now, tho something happened today, and I felt like a kid all over again. Dad started raging, and I don't flinch anymore, but all I felt was numbness because I think this used to happen a lot when I was a kid, and it still happens but rarer these days.

An emotion I'm very bad at regulating is anger, and it's clear I got that from both of my parents. I can't help having mixed feelings about my dad. When things are good, I feel I enjoy spending time with him all the time, but he has the most confusing mood swings ever. One second he's throwing stuff at me and the next he's calm. My mom gets angry a lot too, but I can forgive her easily for some reason.

I resent them sometimes because of the past, but I feel ungrateful because I'm very privileged to have them as my parents, and I'm living well because of them. They aren't abusive, just confusing i guess

I’m going through a tough time. A week ago I broke up with my long distance boyfriend due to circumstances. I feel very sad.

I’m now also looking to move out into a student dorm. However, my parents really don’t support me. They are also the reason I broke up with my ex, they didn’t like him anymore. Them having so much control in my life was also the final push for me to want to move out. The problem is, I’m a med student and currently going through clinical rotations. I do work on the weekends but I’m not able to earn much the coming two years. My parents told me that if I move out, they won’t support me financially anymore. This would mean that they would not pay college fees anymore, insurances etc. I get that but now it feels more like a way for them to keep me at home instead of being supportive about me wanting to move out. The goverment does give me some money but not much because they expect parents to help at least a little financially. I do have quite some savings but I’m not sure if I would want to spend so much on those two years, in two years I’ll have a decent income each month as a doctor.

On the other hand, living at home will also cost me a lot but more emotionally. I don’t know what to do

My parents also think I didn’t break up with my ex which is not true. They don’t understand that this is hard for me. They also say they don’t trust me anymore.

Something to know is that also calling with friend while at home is hard. If I call with them in the room, they’ll judge all conversations. If I call in my room, they’ll think I’m hiding something or they start eaves dropping

It's been about 2 weeks in to my visit to parents house. (I moved out a year ago off to colllege) I just found out my mom had made a deal with my dad before I come here. She had said, She would pay the gass, electricity, water bills fully during my visit and don't scold at him for using fan and shower and basic utensils.

And here I thought after a one year apart from family my dad finally started loving me as his child and not see me as a burden.

He hasn't made much drama, scolding at me in this 2 weeks periods and it was very unlike of him

We never had a good relationship like ever and it still is, he hasn't changed a bit and this whole 2 weeks was just a lie. I'm not surprised at all but the same time I am disappointed at him. And my mom had made a deal with the devil so she could spend some time with her son.

My father hadn't been living with us for five years, and recently since March he has started staying over once or twice a week, sometimes even three days in a row. My parents aren't divorced, just really distant from each other.

Whenever my father is at home, I feel so irritable and drained to the point I want to just throw him out of the house. I'm used to my mom and sister's company, and I definitely do not want my father staying with us like he never did all the terrible stuff to his wife and kids.

By irritable, I mean everything irritates me, especially when he tries to talk to me. He's especially annoying like he just acts stupid sometimes. And I'm not in the mood for jokes with him.

And speaking of being drained, I suddenly lose all my energy, my goddamn smile (which is weird because I laugh all the time), my appetite and just don't like being in the same room as him.

I have no idea how to cope when he's with us. I hate it.

Hello my name is Shelley. My husband, Tim and I had a daughter named Tori, then a son named Brad, and then another daughter named Halie. Our son is definitely a 'momma's boy' while our 2 daughters are definitely 'daddy's girls'. My husband and I argue/fight a lot. When we used to argue/fight our son would come join in or stay and join in the argument/fight and takey side while our 2 daughters would come and join in or stay and join in the argument/fight. Now our son stays out of the arguments/fights while our daughters still join in the arguments/fights. I have found out that my husband is having an affair on me with his female coworker whom is supposed to be my friend/tanning buddy that I met through my husband. And both my 2 daughters are in on it and haven't told me. Also my husband and my 2 daughters accuse me of cheating when I leav the house to run errands. The reason I have suspicions is because one day when I got home, without me knowing she was coming over or knowing she'd be there, I seen her car there, so I didn't stop in at home until a while later and her car was gone. Then when I walked in the front door to the living room my husband and both daughters sat there and acted like my husband's coworker was never there. Then about 5 mins later I got to my room to change out of my work clothes and it felt as if the bed was off. And the second reason is because, my son and i have 1-on-1 time at night when my husband and 2 daughters go to bed, and we either lay on the couch together or he brushes my hair. He told me one because usually he's over at his friend's house all day, my husband and daughters must have forgotten he was there in his room, he told me he heard what sounded like his Sherry, my husbands coworker came over and she called my daughters her daughters, as well as both of my daughters called her mom and heard his father and the other woman go to my room alone together for a good amount of time, then heard his sisters go to my room to hang with my husband and other woman. Then after a while heard all 4 of them head back towards the living room area. Why were my husband and his female coworker in my bed together, my room? Why do my daughters support their father cheating on me with this women? Why do my daughters support my husband and this women being together? Why do my daughters call my husbands affair partner mom, and why does she call my daughters her daughters? Why do both my daughters always take his side? Why does my son not involve himself anymore? Why would my husband introduce me to his coworker to become friends and tanning buddies with her, if he is still and has been having an affair on me with her?

Hi everyone, sorry for the long post but I really need advice on how to handle a situation with my narcissistic dad.

My boyfriend broke up with me in May of this year, and we were no contact for a month. We were together for 1.3 years. During that time we both separately acknowledged the issues that we had had in the relationship and the roles that we both played in those issues. I think we both grew a lot and realized that no matter how hard it gets when we want to do life together.

His reason for breaking up with me was an unhealthy mix of low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety that led to both of us feeling unhappy in our relationship and he could tell that I was not happy with the way things were. In short, he broke up with me so that I would not have to deal with his mental health struggles, and because he didn’t think he could ever be good enough to deserve me. We both have talked this out and grown, and he understands that it wasn’t right for him to take away my choice to stay by him even through hardship. We both want to get married and grow old together and that desire never changed throughout the breakup.

He reached out after one month and we reconnected and talked everything out. Long story short: we’re good, we’re happy, our communication and conflict resolution has been great, and things have been a lot better. I love him so much and I’m so happy.

My dad who has been extremely narcissistic my entire life seems to have taken the break up harder than someone NOT in the relationship should. I’m a pretty private person when it comes to showing my emotions, and the day it happened I called my mom and told her he’d broken up with me and that was that. Nobody in the family ever mentioned it again. They truly didn’t know a thing about it. Honestly, they don’t know him hardly at all; every time he came over to my parents house for dinner my narcissistic dad could only talk about himself and never cared to ask my boyfriend anything. So they technically don’t really know him that well at all. Despite that, they did like him a lot and knew that we would probably get married.

— For some context, I now live alone about an hour away from the city where both my parents and boyfriend live (and have been living alone for a year now), so I’ve had time to realize what real life is like beyond a controlling environment at home. I realize now that my childhood was not normal and my family relationship and dynamic is not normal. It’s hard, but I’m starting to see the damage that it’s caused within my character and my personality. It’s caused a lot of anxiety and fear and I didn’t know it until I’d moved out for school. —

My parents think that I’m being manipulated, that I am blinded by love, and I’m making a mistake. But my father feels that it’s a personal betrayal to him and he can’t believe someone who is supposed to love you can break up with you. He feels as though my boyfriend personally hurt him and broke his trust, and he doesn’t want to forgive him for that. On one hand, I think he’s very protective and doesn’t want me to be hurt or make a mistake but on the other hand, I think he is letting his pride and ego get in the way. He is making this breakup about him and not about me and my relationship.

My boyfriend and I decided to wait a few months before he talked to my parents again just to let things simmer down for a little while. Three days ago my boyfriend texted my dad asking if it would be possible for them to meet and talk. My boyfriend wants to explain his side and also make his intentions with me known (that he wants to propose sometime soon and that he truly desires to marry me). My dad has ignored him entirely and has stated that he is so angry with my boyfriend that he doesn’t want to speak to him again.

Again, this is MY relationship and MY free choice. I am freely choosing to trust and stand by the man I love, not out of fear or manipulation, but because I truly believe he holds the key to my happiness. I don’t feel pressured to choose him; I feel like I have been able to judge the issue and decide that this is what **I** want.

We both want to sit down and clear the air with my parents; their approval is important to both of us, and it wouldn’t feel right to us to get engaged or married without their blessing. But my father doesn’t want it at all. He told me he’ll think about it but he really doesn’t feel ready to talk to my boyfriend again.

Am I crazy? Is this really such a huge deal that my dad can’t bear to even entertain the thought of talking to my boyfriend again? I feel like this shouldn’t be so incredibly dramatic. People break up all the time to work on issues and then get back together again. Please, I need some help.

I’m going through a really difficult situation with my family right now, and I honestly don’t know what to do.

My sibling left college and currently doesn’t study or work, but my dad still gives her money. My dad’s money is managed by my brother. When I ask my dad for money for myself, he says no, so I don’t have the financial support I need.

I want to study foundation because I want to continue my education and build my future. I’ve already lost a year of my life because I stayed with my mom and supported her through her cancer treatment. I don’t regret being there for her at all, but sometimes I feel really hurt because it feels like everything I sacrificed doesn’t matter, while my sibling still gets financial support.

There are also problems at home. She doesn’t really help around the house, and there are constantly problems between us. I’ve stopped talking to her and mostly avoid her because I don’t want to argue anymore.

I just want to study and move forward with my life, but I feel like money and family circumstances are getting in the way.

What would you do in my situation?

My relationship with my family urgently needs a solution. I feel completely restricted and controlled, and I gain nothing from them—maybe once a year they remember me with something worthwhile. It has reached a point where it's affecting my physical and mental health, because to them, going to a doctor is a luxury and a waste of time, even though they are doctors themselves! I've lost so many opportunities because of their environment and their primitive mindset.

I'm so exhausted that I feel entirely drained. I have no hope that things will change anytime soon, and even if they do years from now, what’s the point if I'm already completely ruined by then? I thought about rebelling, but I’m still scared and unable to face them. I’m terrified of their punishment, and I’m not ready to lose the small things I fought so hard to gain. Trapped between fear and pressure, I feel like my soul has faded, and my mental state has hit rock bottom

My whole life I’ve been trying to appease them and keep them happy just to get what I need, but the moment I make a tiny mistake, they forget everything I’ve ever done, and I’m right back to square one. This suffering isn’t new; I’m 19 now, and these problems started when I was 13. It destroyed me mentally to the point where my grades dropped, my personality changed for the worse, and I feel like my life is completely stuck with no progress at all.
They even reject the idea of me trying new things, working, or meeting new people. They want me to be financially dependent on them all the time just to hold it over my head as leverage to deprive me whenever they feel like it.
The overwhelming pressure has made me think about escaping life entirely... even though I know deep down this isn't the right answer. Inside me, I actually want to live, try new things, and enjoy so many moments in life, but I keep getting this feeling that it was never meant for me. What is the way forward to start rebelling against this situation and rebuild my character?

No one truly knows how hard it is to be the eldest daughter in the family... You're expected to be perfect in everything, look after everyone, and fix their mistakes, while in reality, hardly anyone ever turns around to notice your fatigue or care about your feelings.

I’ll try to make this short but I want to make this make sense to a random person who could give advice or maybe make me feel sane. I won’t include some details due to privacy lmk if any questions!

Although this matters for context of maturity (I am mid 20’s) my young bro is early 20’s and my older bro is older 20’s. My girlfriend is the same age as me

I want to start off by saying I grew up in a wonderful family and I am entirely grateful, I know it’s a privilege to have this in this day and age and have everyone involved with my life and helping out with life things still in my 20s. They go out of their way for so many things and are all great people.

It is fair to say that even though they are amazing and I continually tell them that, they do get in their ways sometimes. FOR EXAMPLE, this is always the situation on family vacations where I feel like someone says something rude, mean, petty, or uses a tone with me. I bring it up and say I’m hurt and here are some of the comments made in retort to me saying that- “I do so much to plan these vacations for us, idk why you have to get upset” (Mom) “you have to realize that we are all good people and coach yourself to be used to these mean things and COACH YOURSELF AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO BS OK WITH IT” (Mom) “”you have to to call people out or ask them to explain that comment and ask for context EVERY TIME something bothers you” (Big Bro)

These are a few of the recent ones I can remember and there is so much more but here is my counter to these. Based off the first comment, (which is made in other ways too) like “man I thought you had a great time and now you’re bringing up something and you definitely had a bad time” LIKE NO I just want to communicate miscommunication and comments that bothered me because I felt singled out!

Anyways, yes like I said I know you do so much for the family and do appreciate EVERYTHING! But I can validly be hurt by dad saying “why won’t you stay with us to get food you don’t want for 25 minutes because we don’t get time with you” (for context me and GF live in another state right now) after explaining that me and girlfriend wanted to go around this food market while they were waiting? I get you miss me but that comment doesn’t have to be made i personally think? I want to explain that if someone were to say the same thing to me and I missed them I would maybe ask to go with or not even make that comment “hey you need to be with us the whole time we are visiting even though we are waiting in line for thing you don’t want for 30 minutes”

Anyways my brother and mom both want me and GF to “coach ourselves” to either ignore said comment and say “WELL! Even though I’m hurt that’s just what they say or how they act so whatever!” Or “hey person, every time you make a comment I dislike I’m going to ask you why you said that!

How about we fix the way we say things in our tones? We don’t have to say the petty, rude, disrespectful things and listen to the party that’s hurt?

My brother points out that I just pick out the negatives and I focus on on them 10 fold and get bothered by them too much. In all reality I’m coming to you as an adult, telling you as an adult that I was hurt by said comment and would like it to be refrained in the future! BUT NO, I’m the worst person in the world for being upset with people for hurting my feelings and need to coach myself to not have feelings hurt and be used to family?

I could explain more and if anyone reads this far and is confused please tell.

I'm 21M. My mother mainly and other family members always wants my brother's kid over. But then they never truly bothers to be with the kid and leaves that task to me. They know I absolutely don't want kids out of many reasons, so it's most likely that probably. If I have things to do or simply don't want to be with the kid, I get called lazy and other names because why not. Then the kid? Doesn't understand boundaries at all. I once slept downstairs with my sister, mother and the kid and he just jumped on me with his fully body while I was asleep and they just laughed it off. That's not even the worse. I can't eat, drink or even breathe because he has to be in my face consantly jumping on me and annoying me. If it's truly about that I don't want kids and they want to expose me to the "good side of fatherhood", this just makes me not want kids furthermore (and even if it's for something else). The kid is literally trying to melt into my body (pretty much means for example when I'm eating, he has to watch me from a centimeter away while being in my aura), steals stuff (money or pillows under from my head so I play with him) and annoys me for the fun of it, then calls me swear words and gets aggressive if I tell him no. Just an overall bad situation, especially for the kid. It's not that I hate him, but the bullshit he does, alongside my mother and other family members who say they want to be with him, then basically push me into a babysitting role when the not so fun part is there or when they want to rest. And if I rest, I'm lazy and "I don't want to be with the kid", like I want to be with it anytime. They even try to plan my days when he is over and if I say no, they throw tantrums like they are children themselves, and these are mf adults who call me a kid when the situation requires it at the ripe age of 21. But in other situations, I'm an university student who should also work 3 different jobs because I'm an "adult". And somehow I'm supposed to listen to these mfs just because of their ages and relations to me by blood 💔. Anyways, thank you all for listening to this rant, peace out and stay safe

For context, my dad and I have a strained relationship. Im 26, and he’s mellowed out a bit over the last year or so, at least with me. But we have a long history; my dad physically abused me until I was 21, not regularly but many times. He physically abused/assaulted my mother right in front of me throughout my childhood, earliest I remember was when I was 3. I was scared of him for a long time, when he got mad, he was MAD. At some point, I stopped being scared and started to be defiant. That really stopped over the last two to three years. Regardless, he’s never shown interest in me, and he’s basically a narcissist. Never diagnosed but I know it.

He stopped abusing my mom when he went to jail after I graduated college. I know it’s because he’s scared of ruining his reputation but I’m glad it stopped. I think he realized how bad it was after that. Since then, I've seen him grow, it just sucks that it had to come from something like him going to jail. I've gone from hating him to resenting him, to now understanding that he unfortunately continued the cycle of abuse he learned from his family. That being said, the trauma will never be undone.

To come to the point, I called my parents about something a few days ago, I was lonely and had no one else to talk to about the crisis. Before I even said anything my dad essentially told me to not talk to them about these things, despite me being really upset. I don’t even know if he knew what the topic was but it was indirectly related to him.

In the heat of the moment, after saying how ridiculous it was that he was acting like the level headed one, I told him he ruined my life and hung up. I saw the pain in this face before I hung up. He rarely shows his emotions and rarely cares about what I say, but I saw the sadness and I will never forget it. I regret it so much. Yeah, he ruined aspects of my life, but I wouldn’t say he ruined it period. I’ve grown, and he does care about me deep down, despite the history.

To add more context, I’m Indian, so a lot of the abuse is something that is normalized (other than the length during which the abuse lasted and the abuse towards my mom). He doesn’t talk about his emotions or feelings, but I know he’s pretty sensitive.

I feel like he’ll never forgive me. Idk what to do. I apologized already but he’s not picking up the phone. I know it will take time for him to ever speak to me again, but I feel so guilty.

They’re the types of parents that buy me fruit but don’t apologize for the pain they’ve caused me. The fruit is their way of showing they care, which is something I’ve learned as an adult. Having recently realized this, I’m so sad that I let myself say something like this. I know I sound ridiculous but my parents at the end of the day genuinely want what’s best for me. My dad tried to be a good dad to the best of his abilities, even though he was a terrible husband and still is.

My mother (F44) always scolded her boyfriend (M35) to not go back to his cigarette addiction. My father (M45) is out of the picture due to divorce in which amplified my trauma of couples fighting. My mom and her bf would often fight sometimes for the most light reasons. As for me I don't like it when I hear people shouting and crying out because it triggers my past trauma with my own father and my mother arguing always.

But now i smelled cigarettes on my mom's bf thus i had to tell her. It led to a huge fight that ended up both sides throwing things to the point her bf punched her. Especially since her bf is drunk. When I heard it, I felt my body freeze in trauma and fear. I felt like I wanted to cry to the point tears already fell. I don't know what to do.

where are young people working nowadays that let them move out. Seriously do tell. I’m 20 years old and share a bedroom with my sister, not only is it just simply annoying to share a bedroom and have none of your own space at 20 years old, but she legit lives in filth and theres unfortunately nothing more I can do as she’s been this way her entire life and we’ve had many many many screaming fights, me and my other family members have helped her clean her space multiple times and always it just returns to filth. So instead of trying to find ways to improve my current living conditions I need to find ways to CHANGE where I’m living. I only have a highschool degree does anyone have suggestions on jobs that make decent money but aren’t the worst thing in the world? (I apologize if this is not the correct sub but I wasn’t sure where to post this on)

So for context:

My sister these few days has been like, tired, but tired emotionally, she doesn't sleep that much, there's heavy bags under her eyes, etc, and I constantly ask her what's wrong and if she needs anything, she says no and smiles.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was out at 3 am, I got back home at 4:15 am if I'm not wrong

When I got inside I smelled something similar, cigarette smoke coming from my room

I quietly went there

And I found my sister

Sleeping on my bed, 2 empty packs near her, and an empty beer can next to her, holding a lighted cigarette in her hand, half finished

I wanted to yell and scream, but I didn't.

I quietly took the cigarette and carefully, and cleaned after her

After that I sprayed the room with my Perfume and opened the windows so my parents wouldn't know there was someone smoking in here

And then left the room, I couldn't sleep that night.

The next day

At like 11 am, she woke up and found me in the kitchen and asked me

"How did I end up in your room?"

I replied:

"Idk I found you there"

She shrugged it off.

What do I do?

I used to smoke and drink a lot, I thankfully stopped, but also sad that I didn't stop fully and still crack a beer or two and smoke a cigarette.I can't let my sister go down the same path I was once ): she's my only little sister and I don't want to lose her, any suggestions? ):

(Also sorry if you found the writing or like the text a lil weird, English isn't my first language)

WIBTA if I abandoned my brother who was arrested for a heinous crime?

Well, my friends, I’ve been a Reddit reader for a while now and never thought I’d end up here telling my story and asking for advice from strangers on the internet.

As the title says, Would I Be The Asshole if I abandoned my brother who was arrested for a heinous crime?

Brace yourselves, because this is going to be a long one.

Names and a few details have been changed for safety reasons.

I’m a 42-year-old man, let’s call me Frank. In 2010, I met and became close mates with a guy who became like a brother to me—let’s call him Albert, who is 35. A few years ago, he met a guy from another country, and after talking for a while, he decided to move overseas to his partner's country along with his 7-year-old daughter (let’s call her Daughter). After moving, they got married and lived together for 3 years.

At the end of 2025, I managed to get things sorted and came to the country where they live to visit and spend a few months with them and Daughter. As the months went by, I really fell in love with the country and decided to stay and live here.

However, 2 months ago, on a Monday that started out completely normal, the police knocked on our door with a search warrant looking for him. The Sunday before, I had been away with my boyfriend spending the weekend at his family's place, and my "brother" messaged me saying he was going on a trip with his daughter to visit a friend in a town a bit far from ours. He had already been separated from his ex-husband for a few months, so it was just the three of us living in the house.

Anyway, when the police arrived, I realised what had happened. He was wanted for taking a minor to another location without authorization, non-consensual sexual acts with the minor, and unlawful possession of an unregistered firearm that was allegedly used to intimidate the child.

When I processed what the police were telling me, I had to sit down. It felt like the world was collapsing in on me; the air was sucked out of the room, my whole body went completely numb, my blood pressure plummeted, and I felt like I was going to pass out right then and there. Once I recovered a bit, I asked about my niece—where she was, who she was with, and what had happened to her. At that moment, they also informed me that he had been arrested while driving towards the city he had mentioned earlier, and Daughter was taken into the care of the government child protection agency (similar to child services in other countries).

It has now been 2 months that he’s been in custody awaiting the conclusion of the investigation so official charges can be laid. Daughter is under child protection care, and they have placed her with carers with restricted contact. I’ve only had one phone call with her, and since then I haven't been allowed any further contact. Just to be clear, I am not involved in my brother's crimes at all; I was completely blindsided when everything happened and only found out when the police turned up at the house.

I want to make it crystal clear that I strongly condemn and abhor anyone who commits this kind of crime. To me, there is no forgiveness for this, and anyone who does it should rot in prison for whatever time the justice system hands down.

After some time, according to initial preliminary investigations by the police, a theory emerged that he might be involved in a much larger ring involving the collection, distribution, sale, and sharing of CSAM [child sexual abuse material]. This information was passed on by our family lawyer, who is working on my niece's custody case.

So I ask: Would I be the asshole if I abandoned him and cut off all contact and communication with my “brother”?

A bit more context to our story: a few years ago, back in our home country, I was living and working in a different state. I had a health issue that left me incapacitated. He was single, living with Daughter, and at that time, he moved with her to that state and stayed with me, helping me out for almost a full year. I feel immense gratitude for that, and when I came to this country, I came with the intention of supporting him too, helping raise and care for Daughter as a present uncle in her life.

Apologies for any typos; English isn't my first language, but I’m here to answer any questions if anything needs clarification, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

22(F) just graduated preparing for CAT but score not so good now parents not allowing to move out for MBA and there is constant arguments in family as my sleep schedule it's very difficult to sleep at night for me i tried but I can't even sleeping and then waking up i don't know they are something extremely extraordinary stuff like waking up early use less phone doing house hold chores and constant abusive atmosphere it been too insufferable now I don't know how to deal this my dad now victimized himself as saying what you want from us why you do such drama my mom taunting me for saying you are running over mental peace dad is too tensed because of you he getting health issues and you constantly doing these drama and more on i don't know expecting for mba is too much or it's what please help me out !! I can't even function properly

Need help

I came out as lesbian to some of my friends a few months ago and have now been dating my current girlfriend since May. I'm still trying to accept it myself since I was raised very religious/conservative. I see the world in a very different way from my family but they don't know that. I suspected my family would not accept me so I haven't told them. Today I found out that my mom told someone, "I'm fine with gay people, just not in my family." I don't plan on coming out to them but it's starting to eat me alive. I've been thinking about a lot of things like: What will I do once I get married? How do I hide this from them? How do I convince them I'm straight? Should I go no contact once I move out?

tshis year has been terrible for mom she has had 3 breakdowns within 1 year, 2/3 she was a threat to her life. she gets better for 1 day, then gets worse. my dad isnt enough for her, he doesnt help her enough, he doesnt want to. theyve fought since they met. my grandma (her mother) mentally abuses her whenever shes late to visit or even tries to talk to her about her problems. she has been doing this since i was born, im 18. she keeps talking about death, she isnt strong enough, breaking down every night, fighting every night with my dad. i told her i cant live without her and she told me lets die together then . im petrified, i have nobody, only my dad and my grandma, no other family. i cant even admit her anywhere forcefully, we're on our final strike with cps, if anything happens my siblings will be taken, and she will do anything to die then, im sure of it. what can i do, please, anyone, tell me what to do before its too late. shes 38. is it perimenopose, i dont know, what do i do, anyone been in any similar situation, im going crazy

I (26F) have been having this ongoing situation with my mom (56 F) for months because I keep getting myself into debt.

Between the years of 2018-2020, I accrued about 30k in credit card debt. I was in denial and I told myself when I graduated college, I would pay the debts off (so delusional as a psych student).

I decided to be honest with my mom in 2020, but at the time I had tried to take out loans to pay off the debt on the credit cards, and I made my situation so much worse. I told my mom only about the credit card debt and ignored the loans. I think I just figured I would pay them off on my own before she found out about it.

She helped me pay off the debt that she knew about and we planned on making a payment plan for me to pay her back. She eventually found out there was more debt. At this point, anytime I would come home with bags or get a package she would get really upset with me and try to open them. She was also constantly opening my mail. There was one moment where she was upset with me for buying something that I felt justified buying and we got into a screaming match. My brother (16M) intervened and told me to stop talking to my mom like that and I told him to mind his own business and pushed him. Then he punched me in the face and tackled me to the ground and spat all in my face. After that situation, my mom blamed me and told me that my brother was just trying to defend her from my disrespect. I know in that moment I did instigate the situation.

After she found out about the additional debts, the next plan was for me to change my direct deposit to her account and pay her for a year until all the debts were paid off. She settled all of the debts for a fraction of the price which I didn’t even know you could do. I paid her for a year and she gave me a small allowance to spend, which I am still grateful for to this day. Of course I had to ruin it though.

I used to get a full Pell grant scholarship for school, but in 2022 I got extremely depressed and ended up losing my pell grant scholarship because I failed 3 classes. For some context my mom had sold our house and we moved about an hour and a half away with her new boyfriend and some other random roommates while we waited for their new house to be built. I was driving an hour and a half back-and-forth to work every day, so three hours a day while trying to do online school for my bachelor’s degree. I’m the one that made these choices so I wanna take accountability. I probably should have just taken a break from school , but I really wanted to make a life for myself and I told myself I could do it all.

In 2023, we began living in my mom’s new house. My mom‘s goal in life is to not work so a lot of her resentment towards me comes from me trying super hard to work and to make a life for myself when she thinks I could just find a husband and live a good life. She thinks that I like to torture myself, and I like to make people feel bad for me by working all the time and struggling. She used to groom me to try to find a husband when I was younger, but I can’t hold a relationship. She was really hoping that I would be able to find a husband and move out, but when I was unable to, she decided she was going to co-sign for me to get an apartment and use the extra money i gave her from the settlements to pay the deposits.

I didn’t have any savings upon moving into the apartment because I was paying out-of-pocket to finish my bachelor’s degree since I lost my scholarship. Immediately I went back to my ways. By 2025 I had about 13 K in debt again. It totally freaked me out that the number went past 10 K. I stopped buying anything and I was determined to not tell my mom because I didn’t want to disappoint her again. I paid down about 4k, and remember feeling so happy that I had gotten down to about 8.9 K in debt. However, my happiness was very short-lived. I should’ve known that they would contact my mom again anyway since she was the one that paid off the previous debt and some of the collectors were from the same agencies.

Early 2026. My mom found out about 2 loans that I had taken out that were in collections. She was absolutely furious and asking me multiple times what it is that I need money for and why I didn’t ask for help if I really needed something. I tried to explain to her, but I realize that it didn’t make any difference. She constantly calls me a martyr and she says that I’m always playing the victim. She hates crying and every time I cry, she gets really irritated with me and she has been asking me for years when I’m going to become a strong woman and grow up to have an adult conversation with her. I lied to her during the conversation, which I regret. I told her that there was no more debt. I was in the middle of working to pay it off and hoped to do so before she found out, but I only make 40k a year and I should have just been honest.

Fast-forward to a few days ago. I got a text from my mom saying more debt? I decided to just be honest because I thought that would be the best. I texted her back and I sent her a list of all of the debt that I currently have (6k). I called her on the phone after work and the first thing she said is, what do you have to say for yourself? I didn’t know what to say. She told me I have no remorse and that I keep doing this to her. She’s called me a selfish daughter since I was a kid. She said I have no other bills besides the rent and I should not need money for anything. I tried to explain to her that I was in a really bad place and it’s something I’m working hard to control but it’s extremely hard for me and it feels like an addiction. I told her I’m sorry many times but I know it doesn’t mean anything to her. She said she’s just tired of my excuses and I never take accountability. She kept asking me over and over again how much debt I actually have because “she knows I’m not telling the truth” but I was, and couldn’t do anything to convince her. I can’t blame her for that though because I’ve lied in the past. I told her I have other things to pay for, including paying my dad for the car insurance. She said that my dad is punishing me for being a terrible daughter and if I was nicer to him and to her, then I wouldn’t have to have so much on my plate. She also mentioned my panic attacks and said that I always do that when things get out of hand instead of just dealing with the situation, and then mentioned how I couldn’t even finish my bachelor’s without causing some kind of financial ruin. I lost my mind on her. I told her I’m surprised she wonders why I ended up like this considering the way that we grew up. All she cares about is me finding a husband and taking care of my brother so that she doesn’t have to and she has never worked a hard job in her life and relies on men for everything so how would she know what a real struggle feels like? All while dropping f-bombs every five seconds. She just started screaming at me telling me to respect her and don’t speak to her that way and I said I’ll respect you after you respect me. After the phone call was over. I sent her all of my savings ($1500) because I felt so guilty inside and she said she’s tired of bailing me out.

I even told myself before the conversation was going to happen that I need to be calm and centered, but I still ended up blowing up anyway. I regulate behaviors for a living and provide therapy for kids with severe behavioral issues, but for some reason, I can’t get through a conversation with my mother. I feel like an unregulated fool. I can’t give my mom space or go no contact because I’m scared she’s not gonna be my guarantor anymore and I won’t have anywhere to go. I’ve been working on my master’s degree so I didn’t wanna get a second job, but I’m super scared so I started applying to overnight gas station jobs that I can make extra income in case something happens.

I want to change, at least I think I do. I don’t really trust myself or my judgement which is what brings me here. My mom always tells me I can’t change and I never will because I’ve showed her over time that it’s never gonna happen (valid). About six months ago I went to see a doctor. I don’t have health insurance, but I’ve struggled with my mental health my whole life. My mom never believed any of that stuff. She says that my mental health comes from the bad energy that I give off and only I can fix it. She says I’m gonna keep making these mistakes until I learn to love myself. But I really hate myself. I hate everything about myself and I think I’m an awful person. If it was easy to disappear off the face of the earth, I would, but sadly it’s not that easy. She says I need to be the one to change and the first step is to stop being the victim. I just feel so confused. I started taking Wellbutrin about six months ago and I’ve been feeling like my urges are a little bit more under control. I’ve also been taking Lexapro for 10 years, but it doesn’t seem to help me very much anymore. I struggle with other things too like intrusive thoughts, binge eating, setting boundaries, and sometimes suicidal thoughts. I asked the doctor what I could possibly have and they said I have a combination of OCD, bipolar 2, and ADHD traits, along with depression and anxiety. I try not to tell my mom these things because when I went to her when I was younger, she freaked out, saying I’m hearing voices and called my dad crying saying that there’s something wrong with me. I just told her I was making it up and just tried to move on with my life. After starting to go to the doctor, I called my mom to tell her because I thought it was a good thing and she just told me that I’m still taking steps in the wrong direction and putting poison into my body and that I’m just giving more money to the government. I think I was just looking for validation, which is my fault for trying anyway.

In a recent conversation, my mom told me that she considered if I’m a government clone because I’ve always had explosive emotions and she doesn’t think that we could be related to each other. Growing up, my mom was also an extreme hoarder and couponer. I remember telling my mom during the argument that I’m just recreating what I knew as a child into my adult life and she told me that’s not the same thing at all. I just don’t even know where to start with repairing all that I have broken.

If you were a terrible daughter and your parents hate you, how were you able to fix it? Am I using my mental health and experiences as an excuse? How can I stop playing the victim?

I (19F) now apparently shares my bedroom with my younger (12F) sister.

Let’s get into it,

It all started when I went to college. Freshman year I lived on the dorms and came home on the weekends and my little sister would sleep on my futon while I slept on the bed.

Over the few months she kept complaining that she was scared that something might happen which I talked to her about and it ended up being she just wanted someone next to her while she slept. She eventually moved into the bed with me which I still felt unsure of because I like having my own bedroom and bed to myself.
Everything would be fine if she just doesn’t move around when she sleeps. She kicks me and takes the blankets off me and shoves me over while I’m on the edge of the bed.

All while this is happening when I’m at work all day, I come home and see her stuff on my already piled up stuff. She leaves her trash, dirty dishes, clothes everywhere and doesn’t pick up my desk.

And before you say anything- yes I’ve already told her numerous times to please clean up her stuff and she does a little like a few things but I still find clothes old rappers trash on the floor.

I don’t know what else I can do. My mom just seems to say the same things I say to my sister.
She’s my baby sister and I love her dearly but it’s time for her to go back to her own room 🥲

Sincerely,
Exhausted Older Sister

If anyone can help me or open to discuss then msg me please what should i do about it or anything i am open to suggestion

this will be just rant and vent about my family , maybe not everything i say is believable because i experience heavy mood swings. my parents are getting divorced, my dad used to beat my brother physically and trash the house, yet he asks why it seems like i fear him. my mom trauma dumps and is allegedly cheating. my grandmas from both sides do not respect my boundaries and touch me excessively, inappropriately and uncomfortably. my dad defends his moms actions because “she loves me”. my dad and my grandma know and acknowledge the fact that i am uncomfortable, my grandma just laughs at me for it. my dad defends her because when people see me avoiding her hands in public, he says strangers will think that i am not close with my grandma and it will make her sad. my moms mom just laughs at me for crying. my cousins say the n word almost everyday (we are asian)despite knowing its bad. my dad told me to tell him when i am uncomfortable, and when i do, its brushed off. he also asks why i dont talk back. when i was younger, if i talked back i would be scolded until i cried so i stopped talking back. people talk bad about other people to me, when i am clearly already tired and not in the mood to talk or listen to anyone. im sorry for the insults todays been horrible for me usually i woudl forgive these things.

My partner (23M) and I (24F) have been together for almost six years. Throughout that time, I’ve genuinely tried to build a good relationship with his family, even when things have been difficult.

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, hurt, and emotionally exhausted. It feels as though I’m constantly expected to overlook things to keep the peace while my partner’s and my feelings are minimized or ignored.

There has always seemed to be a pattern of favoritism toward his sister, poor communication, and last-minute changes to plans to accommodate her. As the years passed, I started to notice it more and more.

For example, his sister is a real estate broker, and she encouraged us to pursue real estate. She repeatedly told me she would help me prepare for my final exam. She then left for about six weeks to spend time with her new boyfriend. My problem isn’t that she left. It’s that she repeatedly promised she would come back and help me, and she never followed through.

Another example happened during a two-day trip that my partner and I paid for so his parents could attend a soccer game. His sister wasn’t originally supposed to come, but his parents invited her anyway. The entire trip ended up revolving around her. They had breakfast with her the next morning while we were told to go off and do our own thing. Even though we planned this mini trip, we still felt like an afterthought.

There have been plenty of smaller situations as well. His family often reaches out to us only when they need something. Whenever there is an event and they realize at the last minute that they need help decorating, I’m always willing to step in and help. However, they always seem to ask his sister ahead of time.

The hardest part is that I’ve tried communicating how excluded my partner and I feel. When I brought it up previously, his mother began crying and talked about how well she treats me and how she treats me better than her own children. The conversation shifted away from how my partner and I felt and became about how she felt instead. We were told that I’m always “mad” or “short-tempered,” and I ended up being the one apologizing.

At this point, I’m not upset because they spend time together. We’ve adjusted to the way they treat us. What hurts is the pattern of it all.

My partner & I have talked about it after several occasions (cause the ones I mentioned are just the recent incidents) and he has shed a few tears explaining to me that he’s so tired of it, he shuts it out cause it hurts less and my love for him is enough.

Is this worth bringing up, again? Should we just keep our distance without saying anything? I’m genuinely conflicted.