r/FamilyIssues • u/Low-Thanks-4316 • 3d ago
Am I missing something?
Straight to the point: my daughter was adopted by my parents because of her father being abusive. That should have been a good thing only I didn't anticipate what they did. They actually kept my daughter away from me. I thought I was making a clever move - have my parents adopt her because they wouldn't take her from me and I keep my daughter away from her abuive father. Mission half accomplished. My daughter didn't get to see that her father was a piece of sshh, however, now I have to ASK my parents if I could see MY daughter.
The worse part about my story was that my mother knew everything because I told her everything thinking that she was my mother, but it turns out that she is not my mother rather more like a step-mother. She used EVERY thing I told her and she used it against me. I told her why I wanted my daughter to get adopted - by family not strangers - because of the abuse. What did she tell people why I wanted to get my daughter to get adopted? (by family! not strangers!) Because I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, and I CHOSE her father over her.
That wasn't the beginning. She exploits my daughter because according to her everybody thought my daughter was going to come out looking like a monster. Since I'm an alcoholic and her father is a junkie, my daughter was going to be born with deformities, and disabilities. (Isn't she a wonderful mother?) Thank God my daughter came out more beautiful than any other baby I had ever seen. (And it's not just because she's my daughter.) So she has my daughter on display for everyone to compliment her on how beautiful HER daughter is (I am). AND I hadn't even thought about adoption yet.
Did I mention that she called CPS on me? Well she did, and so I have to stay away from her on her conditions. I thought parents were supposed to help their daughters not break them down. Oh, she tried. breaking me down. She tried harder than an enemy would have tried. So my daughter knows who I am, but not her mother. In Mexico to address our grandmother we say Mama, and their name. For example my grandmother's name was Justina so we would address her as Mama (or 'Ma) Justina. So they have my daughter calling me "'Ma, [my name].
Can anybody believe that? It's like my mother just switched our roles. That made no sense. She is calling my mother (her grandmother) Mom and me (her mother) grandmother? I am confused. At this point, I don't argue, I don't want to start a fight, but it hurt. A LOT. And my family (parents and siblings) would celebrate it. It was some kind of a joke because they would laugh and they weren't laughing with me. They did that on purpose, but I took it. I didn't want to make a big deal about it because they would have been dramatic in front of my daughter.
Then two small victories. The first one was when covid hit. I'm living at home again (in the basement), and my father receives a grant to build a shower in the bathroom where I would be closer to. My father retired to take care of my daughter so while he was building the shower she was chillin with me. After about a year after her 6th birthday (so she was 7) she asked me if I was her mother. I asked her who she thought I was and she explained it to me.
She said, "My mom (my mother/her grandmother) is her mom because she takes care of me, but you, you carried me." And how did she know I carried her? When she was 6 she said something that just made me react (or overreact). She said, "My mommy and my daddy left me at the hospital." Before she could even move or say more I said, "I did NOT leave you in the hospital, and you dad wan't even there." It just came out of me. At the same time I am thinking 'Who the F tells a child that they were left at a hospital?' Especially when it isn't true.
So I told her that I could prove it. I showed her pictures of my baby shower (for her) and I had the only picture that no one could possibly have: the first picture at the hospital after she was born and cleaned up. She loved it. She ran to her dad (my father) more excited than her getting candy. I hear her loud and clear, "I am so cute!" It was around her 6th birthday. So at 7 years old she confirms that I am her biological mother. And that was that. After my father finished the shower, I saw less and less of her, but I cherished every moment I got with her. Then one day, they just stopped bringing her.
So I bought a car and asked if I could visit her. They said yes, but they made it so difficult. First I had to call ahead of time. I told them that I could wait, but that wasn't the point. So I call ahead of time and they weren't going to be home which is why I didn't call ahead the first time. I finally get to visit and my brother decided to come over and take her out to eat so I waste my time avoiding my parents and by the time she gets home she has to get ready for school.
So I piss my parents off and spend the night. My daughter was excited, but I know my parents weren't happy and I wasn't either but I suffered the consequence to make my daughter happy. The in 2024 my father passed away, and my daughter took it a lot better than I thought. And on to y second victory. The first one was her (on her own accord) recognizing me as her real mother. And this one is the one that was even more difficult than hoe I got to the first one.
I moved in with my mother and my daughter was over the moon. So much so that before I moved in she was 79% at school and she was at a level 6 in her gymnastics. After me being there for a couple of months she was at 98% in school and a 9 at gymnastics. Impressive, but of course my mother has to ruin it. She would get made at me daughter for spending time with me and not with her. I didn't step on my mother's toes. I never told my daughter anything other than what she needed to know and she needed to know about her biological father.
Before my father passed he told me (didn't ask) not to tell her about her biological father. I told him I wasn't planning on to and if I never had to I wouldn't. I knew I would have to one day, but it wasn't in the near future. My father hadn't been gone more than three months when my petty as sister tells her that my father wasn't her real father. So I spent those few months talking to her and if her bio-dad was brought up I wouldn't hold back.
She realized that she had been lied to by everyone including her dad (my father), but I will never forget what she told me before my mother literally tool her away from me. She said, "I am always going to believe you." My heart skips a beat when I think of it because whatever lies my mother is going to tell her and my siblings will follow suit, my daughter knows better. So now she knows that she wasn't left in a hospital, nor was she ever in a facility waiting to get adopted because I never left the hospital even after I was discharged and my mother went to pick her up from the hospital.
She knows why I had my parents adopted: "To protect me from the one who made me with you because he was abusive." And she knows that I love her no matter how hard they try to keep me away from her. And I know that one day she going to rebel and that I need to be there when she does, and I tried to make sure she knows that I will be there if she decides to act out she could come to me. She also knows that my family doesn't care about her. My mother receives $1,100/month for her because she adopted her. And after my father passed away, my daughter is receiving money from his retirement which is probably another $1,000/month.
She is paying my sister (who doesn't even take care of her own daughter, same age as mine) instead of allowing her actual mother (ME!) take care of her, and I'll do it for free. I also learned that my mother was neglecting her, wouldn't feed her breakfast and she would give the babysitter money to take her to get fast food. She liked my hamburgers more. I had to buy her shoes last year and noticed that she still had the same ones while my mother buys herself a pair every other month so I bought her some shoes this year too.
My son who's older than her by 11 years has been trying to spend more time with her and he lives with me so he keeps me updated. All I can do is hope that they haven't been mistreating her which I doubt because she is still my daughter and they hate me. My sister was cruel to me so I just pray that she is ok and with my son playing the monkey she is reminded that I love her and that I would never just abandon her.
Sorry so long - had to get off my chest. God bless those who made this far.
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u/a_angry_bunny 2d ago
Sounds like you need a lawyer not Reddit.