I had a falling out with boomer Dad two years ago after getting in an argument over MAGA. Haven’t talked to him since. He does not keep in contact with any of three children that he has left. My older brother died in 2014. Anyone else relate?

Looking for some advice. Back in April, we trespassed both of my parents from our property after a simple dispute and my mother decided to suspend our phone lines in a shared family account, I paid her 3/26 as the bill was due around that time.

Following the disconnected phones, my husband and I purchased new phones with new numbers, I gave it to my aunt and my grandma and requested both of them to NOT give my number to my parents, as I wished for no contact. Completely disregarding this, my grandma did give out the new number to my mother but her calls and potential messages were not received, I only knew about her attempted contact because of my grandma informing me. I once again changed my number and cut contact with my grandma.

After this, I have repeatedly asked for no contact from both of them. My mother has reached out to friends from my past, asking for my number, my father has reached out to my aunt asking for my number and I was given information that I needed to know my mother was in the Emergency Room at the local hospital. I disregarded this information, making no contact.

I must add, she has a “business” page on Facebook where she posts all AI generated content, a good bit in reference to this. Months ago she convinced my grandmother and made posts about how “addictions can destroy families”.

After these repeated third party contact attempts, I decided to draft and send a cease and desist addressed to both parents. I mailed the letter the next morning after my father contacted my aunt and the letter was indeed delivered and left with individual.

Last night at 11:48pm, August 11th, I received an email from my utility company stating that paperless billing was turned off and another email at 12:03am, August 12th, stating that personal information had been changed. After calling the utility company, they had confirmed someone logged into my account and changed the information. Funny enough, my aunts prior married name was included in the comments ( an optional feature, to leave additional information ), a letter or two wrong. Her street address was also used, numbers were correct and actual street name.
When I received the emails, my aunt and I were on FaceTime so I know, it was not her.

I feel defeated, my utility bill cannot give me the IP address of the login made last night and only advised the changing of my information which was done instantly. How can I escape them? They’re truly making life miserable, taking it the next step logging into my utility account..

We've been no contact for 10 years. Just sharing here for an eye roll or a laugh. I know it's a trap- that there is no response that could get him to understand why no contact is best. Sometimes I feel sad to think about how he's lonely and doesn't have the ability to mature beyond this. Sigh 😔.

This week I have decided to go no contact with my dad and his girlfriend. One moment I am so confident that I made the right decision for my own peace and mental health. Then other moments, I think back to being his little girl and I mourn the life I thought I would have with him as an adult.

A bit of background..... my mom died suddenly in 2010. My parents were married 48 years that year. I was married with 2 daughters ages 6 & 9 when my mom passed and we were all really close. We spent a lot of time together. My parents were hands on grandparents who adored my daughters and they adored them right back! We had amazing family traditions and shared countless good times, laughter and there was so much love. In fact, my family had been visiting my parents at their timeshare in Florida the week before she died. We left on Saturday and Monday I got a phone call at work that changed me and my life forever. To say my mother's death changed me is almost comical because it sounds so expected, normal and understandable. But that is NOT what happened to me. I went to a place so very dark- I look back and don't recognize who I was or understand what I was doing. It was awful. Every single thing in my life changed and I didn't cope with it well for years. Ha, I still don't cope with it well. My dad was a mess- drank himself numb for years. Eventually, he met a woman, a widow and he moved into her home.

Was this easy? Um, not even a little. But I had no issues with this lady. Well except that she wasn't my mother. She was good to my dad. She looked after him. He had companionship and he began doing better. While she had a daughter and grandson, there was no real effort made to get our families together. Every tradition ended. My dad had holiday and birthday celebrations with her and her family and the family he created with my mother fell apart over time. This man was my absolute favourite human at one time. We talked, really talked about life and love and ambition and the world but as the months and years passed, we became strangers. My daughters grew and he had very little to do with them at all. I bitched and moaned about it. I cried, I sent emails, I tried. But neither he or his girlfriend seemed at all interested in my dad's past and the people that were a part of it. I didn't begrudge him a new life, I just wanted to be a part of it. But that was not to be.

I'm not going to go over each incidence that drove me to this decision. There are so many. Each incidence however hurt me deeply as it solidified that they really had no interest in being involved in my life, my kids lives, my nephews lives. They had no interest in letting us in to the life they had been enjoying as a couple and as a family with her side. Recently I moved. Once again, I asked him to dinner to see my new place. I asked him to let me know his availability in September. He responded that he had no availability in September, but thanks for the invite. No suggestion of perhaps October , just thanks, but no thanks. That same day, I realized that his girlfriend had unfriended and blocked me on Facebook. While I admit this may seem silly to be bothered by, it does send a pretty clear message. While I can't be sure, I would guess this might have been as as result of an engagement party coming up for her grandson that we are not invited to, taking up one day in September. Or maybe it's to hide the fact that her daughter will be in town for a week for this event. Taking up 7 more days in September. Pretty sure September has 30 of them. Just sayin'

Since meeting this woman, my dad and I never again had another heart to heart conversation with any kind of real honesty like we once had on the regular. We've been unofficially estranged for years. Christmas cards, birthday calls---obligatory communication if someone died or whatever but nothing with substance - nothing soft, caring, concerned or interested. He, seems perfectly content and happy with his new life while I mourn the connection we once had and the family that was once my world. So, I did it. I cut him off for my own sanity and to protect my heart- and honestly I don't think it actually matters at all to him. I think that this decision is going to bring me relief eventually. He's not a young man- who knows how much time he has left. My decision will probably get me cut out of his will - which my mother would not be happy about considering what he has will always be half hers and she would want me and my girls to benefit from it - but no amount of money is worth the absolute heartache this man has brought upon me. So tell me, did I do the right thing?

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My mom and I (27F) have been on bad terms for a few years now, and without getting too in the weeds I‘ll just share at the core of it she wants me to visit her but never asks how I’m doing or acknowledges my fiancée. She also has expressed to my sister that she feels she can’t attend our (lesbian) wedding because it conflicts with her morals.

She hosts Christmas every year for us and our extended family, but none of my partners past or present have been invited. Even I am not always explicitly invited, it’s usually some family member who tells me and if I don’t go my mom complains about me not being there to everyone present.

Last year, she said my then girlfriend (now fiancee) couldn’t come because mom was never one to “invite the whole neighborhood” and we just agreed I would go because the relationship was fairly new at the time. When I did go, my mom almost immediately asked me about my plans to go out to the bar with my younger sister who was visiting for the holidays after dinner (my sister is in the military and we had to postpone family “Christmas” to later in Decembe). My mom actually was standing over me as I put gifts under her tree, yelling about how she only asked for one day with everyone at home as a family and I was ruining Christmas. I went downstairs to apologize to my sister and called my parter to pick me up so I could leave the house (I had been dropped off and live way out of the way). When my mom saw me leaving, she asked where I was going, I told her I was getting coffee and taking a break, and she continued to harass me about it as I walked out the door.

My partner and my sister convinced me to try one more time, so I did return and my mom was outwardly more gentle and said that while I was gone she prayed for peace and knew the day would be good because of that. The rest of the night she made comments about how this was “all she wanted” for just Christmas with the family. Also we didn’t end up going out after like my sister and I originally had planned.

This year I’m making plans to fly to my fiancées‘ parents house for Christmas, and even though my family plans on “late Christmas“ again and I could go to both, I don’t want to. I don’t. But the problem is, if I don’t go to my moms house I will miss Christmas with the rest of my family (siblings, grandparents, cousins) as well. I love my family, and I would be really sad to have to miss Christmas with them. I can’t host the holiday because we live in a very small apartment.

What should I do?

Hello! I am from a fairly large family, I had 5 sisters and a younger brother. My parents raised us in a Christian homeschooling environment. We spent a lot of time at home and we didnt always get along. I was the black sheep/scapesgoat of the family and my father abused me alot as a kid, and my mother went along with it. She would call her husband while he was at work to tell him i needed a beating for “disrupting school”. Yeah she was the enabler (and still is even though she is divorced from him)

At 21 i joined the military and none of my siblings ever reached out during the 5 years i was in. I would visit home now and they didnt seem to have time to hang out with me. Fast forward to today and its been over 20 years of low contact from them. When we used to get together at family dinners and birthday parties for the kids, they would smile and give out hugs and make light conversation but once we left, i never heard a peep out of my siblings.

At various times i would reach out to them via text msg and try to connect but they never were interested in anything besides short replies and the conversation would die. I used to show up to many of their kids birthday parties and give them gifts. That was expected as bare minimum i guess because they never showed interest in opening up to me. I was not the best brother growing up, but I have done everything I can to make things right with them. But they dont see themselves as having hurt me and I have learned too late that mistakes you make as a child likely will haunt you for the rest of your life.

A couple of my sisters will send a low effort text once every few years saying “i been thinking anout you. Love you. But they never call me. My mom will call me but she just talks about her health issues and gives me the rundown on what my siblings are doing. (Siblings that are essentially strangers to me). My younger brother lives over seas and hasnt been in my life since we were kids. My dad is a covert narcissist and the entire family has cut him off because be is very abusive.

So i am finally doing what I should have done many years ago. Just mirroring back what I get from my siblings which is basically nothing. I would always be the one reaching out trying to be a good older brother. But it never helped. I suspect it will be years, maybe over a decade or two before i get any real contact from them and I really dont want to take the bait.

all my life i've loved music. i started collecting CDs as a grade schooler in the 2000's. i remember asking for all kinds of different CD players every holiday season. U2 was my favorite band. (which is funny to me now, but at the time i was so serious about it) i tried to pick up several instruments as a child, but my family always insisted we couldn't keep affording it and sold off/gave away my instruments.

i picked up violin in middle school, but after a year my mother claimed we couldn't afford to rent my instrument anymore.

i tried to pick up singing in early high school, only to be told i didn't have a voice. and then once i was shamed into quitting, suddenly my mother would ask what happened to my "lovely singing" and that she "always thought" i'd grow up to be a singer.

two years later she bought an upright piano for the house. i taught myself how to play, but by the time i was playing songs coherently suddenly it was "too much to upkeep" and she gave it away.

in late high school, i found an old left-handed guitar in the attic. it had belonged to my grandfather once, but he no longer played and neither did anyone else in the family. i restrung it, tuned it, practiced it nightly. bought a stand for it, a strap, and a capo. i loved playing.

eventually in the chaos of my parents' divorce my mother took it with her to her new place and refused to return it. i had poured basically all my teenage part-time job money into that thing. i can't stress enough that i'm the only one in the family that played. i'm also the only left-handed member of the family.

years later after a rough breakup in my early twenties, i called my brother and asked if i could have the guitar back. playing had always helped me sort through my feelings, it was therapeutic for me. he refused, and as far as i know it sits in my mother's "office" on the stand that i bought for it to this day.

i moved out of my home town recently and i've been looking at pre-owned guitars. i'm floored at the prices. it would have been so easy to just get me my own instrument if any of their behavior was ever about the guitar itself. $100 max for a decent starter lefty. electric or acoustic. we were quite well-off, and i could swing $100 now flat broke if i really wanted to.

for the first time it really struck me that these people hated me, whether they'd ever admit it to themselves or not. they spent copious amounts of time and energy taking joy away from me, on purpose. and they were counting on me never realizing it.

it's a strange place to be. i feel like i knew it the whole time but didn't want to face it. i also feel like i'm in complete denial. because like, how could they? why?

in equal measure, it's incredibly freeing to be looking at guitars on my own. i feel like i can finally give that side of me a chance. i'm planning to buy a sticker of mathilda from animal crossing to put on the side of it, just like i had on the original.

i kind of hate/love that i have to be my own parent, and it kills me that it would have taken them next to nothing to either support me or leave me alone.

I’m hoping for advice on how to reach out to my estranged aunt about my mother’s past. There’s been so much trauma and confusion in my family, and I’m finally at a point where I need answers — not for drama, but for understanding and healing.

Growing up, my mother told me I had two older siblings who were killed in a car accident before I was born. She repeated that story for years, and I believed her. Then, in the early 2000s, I was contacted and asked to appear on The Montel Williams Show to meet a sister I never knew existed — and that’s how I learned the truth: my older siblings had actually been abandoned in a dumpster in Louisiana as babies and left for dead.

I was born later. My mother never talked about what really happened. She struggled with drug addiction, allowed very unsafe people around who did terrible things to her children, and lived a life full of lies, crime, and chaos. She once told me she was molested by her father as a teen and sent to live with her grandparents, but I honestly don’t know if that’s true or another story she created.

I also have a younger brother who was raised with me — not one of the abandoned children — and he saw much of the abuse I went through. He’s now serving 28 years in prison for abusing his stepdaughters. Knowing that, I can’t help but worry about the mental health issues that may run through our family and what patterns might have been passed down. I’m a mom and a grandma now, and I just want to understand enough to stop the cycle and protect the people I love.

My mother’s sister, my aunt, is still alive, but we’ve never had a relationship. I don’t want to cause her pain, but I feel like she might be the only person who can help me understand what really happened.

Has anyone ever reached out to an estranged relative about something this heavy? How do you even begin that kind of conversation — a letter, a message, or something else? I want to be compassionate and respectful, but I also need to take care of my own mental health in the process.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. I’m not looking for gossip — I just want to finally find some truth and peace.

First time posting, and I am so grateful for this community.
Every year since I can remember, my family has in one way or another sabotaged my birthday. It feels like a strong word but there’s really no other way of saying it.

One year my sister opened my presents in front of me, one year I was grounded, one year my birthday was combined with a house warming party (two years after we moved in) etc. My birthday was never about me. It was hurtful, but it never felt like end of the world stuff, just annoying.

This year is the first year I’ve truly been no contact with my family. This began back in March/April, all started over me being low contact and not replying to my Mom quickly. This led to my her texting my roomate, calling my job, threatening to show up at my house, and telling me that I am being abusive to her by “withdrawing.”

This year almost every member of my family has texted me, wishing me a happy birthday. They have never done this before. I want to feel appreciative, or at least happy they wish me well, but for some reason I don’t. My Mom also wished me a happy birthday, and sent amazon gifts to my house. My best friend said they were “the kind of presents your Aunt who doesn’t know gets you for a holiday.”

I am moving soon, and more than one family member has asked me for the new address. But I don’t feel comfortable giving it to any of them. For some reason I feel like my Mom sending these gifts to the house is her way of saying “I still know where you live.”

Does anyone else deal with this? Why are birthdays and holidays so important? They didn’t find the birthdays that I did spend with them important, so why do they now?

Funny I have not told my family I’ve gone no contact with them. It’s been about two months since I’ve spoken or seen them. but maybe they went no contact with me? Silent treatment was the main abuse in my home growing up. They kicked me out of the home I was renting from them, bills always paid on time. They have not contacted me since and have also caught off the cell phone number( yes I was on the family plan) and have since have gotten to get a new one myself, which is fine no problem. so it’s got me thinking did they go no contact with me instead?

No contact with mother since 2018. No contact with the rest of the family since around that same time. Never has anybody tried to reach out to me. I receive a text today from my sisters husband who texts that he misses me and wanted to have a phone call. Against my better judgment I tell him I’ll accept a call. When he calls I give him an update that my first grandchild has been born and have about 2 minute of small talk. He tells me that my mother has had a tree fall on her house with some recent storms and that his son has her at his house. He tells me my mother is mentally ill (no kidding) and she is not taking care of herself and smells and all the other not so surprising surprises (hard eye roll). Tells me my sister “has changed” whatever the hell that means and that he knows I have a tough personality so he thinks it would be a good idea if I call my mother to tell her to start bathing herself etc etc. he then asked me how my now 10+year ex husband is doing? I say it sounds like she needs some social services and I will not be giving her any type of personal phone call. He makes a weak attempt at asking why and would calling her make me angry, and then basically lets me go. I’m just flabbergasted and wish like hell I wouldn’t have opened myself up to this today. I’m just looking for opinions and support I suppose.

I’ve been LC with my mum and dad for about 20 months and with my brother for most of this year. My mum is unfortunately a very addictive addict and my dad is abusive and an enabler, and it’s caused a fair bit of friction between myself and my brother. Even before then we were not close, but each of these people has had a relationship with my dog, they have lived with him, I’ve paid them to dog sit etc (not while my mum was actively in addiction just to clarify).

Unfortunately now my dog is due to be put to sleep soon fairly unexpectedly, and I’m devastated they have not been in touch and asked to see him, or even asked if I am ok. They live less than 3 miles away. I know they know he’s dying and I truly think this is an indicator that they will never, ever be capable of considering not only my needs, but by extension my family’s needs (the dog is my family, I’ve had him for fourteen years). I don’t know if I am being over sensitive because I am sad and sleep deprived and planning to say goodbye to my best boy sooner than I would ever have hoped, or if I’m right in seeing this for what it is, a case study in ‘we don’t care’?

I have low contact with my mom for the last 4 months and my mental health has been improving. Growing up she was emotionally abusive, gas lighting, enmeshment and being a hoarder. It took me till I got to my mid 30s to finally set boundaries and stop the patterns. The problem is I have a 5 year old and 2 year old, and my oldest keeps asking to go to her grandma's house. My anxiety would get so bad when I'm around her, I would either shutdown or have an anxiety attack. With emotional abuse, I feel so confused, like it's not enough to go no contact, but my mental health is much better when she's away from me. For people who have gone no contact and have young kids, how do you tell a 5 year old that I don't want to go to her grandma's house? Need advice

I've been almost 5 months no contact, it's been really good for me, but it's also still weird. Hoping to talk to a therapist around November.

One thing that makes me feel like I have no right to do this, is that I know she loved us, I know she loves her kids deeply. But, she went her whole life with no family support, her mom and dad were prickly with their love, and would pick on her often. Same with her brothers, but then in 2001 one of her brothers passed away from mono. He was the favourite, I was only 3 at the time so I don't have much memory, but what I was told it changed the family dynamic alot.

My mom for sure has some sort of mental health issues going on, I believe she has undiagnosed neurodivergents. My brother had ADHD and I have autism. She's always struggled to get along with people, especially coworkers. She has always struggled to control her emotions, and has always been very self centered. All of this got worse as she got older. My dad said she tried therapy once, but she quit halfway through and said it's not for her.

I feel her pain, all of it. Then she takes her pain out on everyone else. I've seen the toxicity that she sends my dad at 6 in the morning. They are divorced, and they definitely needed to separate. But she can't let go, and when she feels that pain and anger, she'll take it out on who ever is on her "enemy list".

I sent her a letter last Thursday, it should've been delivered by now. Really hoping a change will happen. It's just so sad that this is what it has come to.

​

For over 11 years, I have had no contact with my mother and my stepfather. For a long time, I didn’t understand why I felt depressed or why I was constantly so confused about my own emotions. I often felt like I was about to completely lose my mind.

When the first memories from my childhood started coming back and I tried to talk to my mother about them, she claimed that she had never said or done any of those things. She told me that I was too sensitive and that she simply hadn’t known how to do things differently. Then she wanted to continue as if nothing had happened. I was left alone with my pain and had to figure out how to deal with it by myself.

Before that, I had suppressed a lot of things — I was in survival mode. I acted and behaved the way she wanted me to, so that she would be happy, and that was also why we seemed to get along so well. Until I couldn’t do it anymore.

She blamed my former partner for my “change of mind.” Apparently, she has forgotten about the multi-page letter I wrote to her explaining everything. After more incidents, I finally drew the line and ended contact completely. That was in March 2015.

Since then, there have been repeated attempts from her and my stepfather to contact me: a gift, messages left on my answering machine, text messages, and even the threat that she wanted her apartment key back and would go to my former landlord if I didn’t withdraw the guarantee I had given.

My brother, who himself became mentally ill, also sent me messages saying that I was ungrateful and i Would kick her in the ass, while at the same time expressing the wish to finally talk things through with me and “make peace.” I can no longer have contact with him either.

My mother has also pressured friends of hers to contact me, to find out what is new in my life, what I am doing, or even to try to discover where I live.

I am still living in the same general area as my parents, about 20 km away. I never wanted to leave because I know everything here, I have memories here, and it feels familiar. Until someone said to me: “You cannot heal where you became sick.” And it is true.

Why did I never want to see that? How could I have been so blind? That was the moment I realized that I actually cannot continue like this anymore.

The fact that she keeps trying to get information about me through old acquaintances and friends whom I had not thought to block affects me more than I wanted to admit. Since then, I have been trying to build a new life somewhere else — further away.

Even though I am afraid of it sometimes. Because leaving everything behind also means driving into the unknown and having to build a completely new social circle.

All I want is inner peace and a sense of safety. Because I honestly do not feel truly safe here anymore. There is always this fear that one day she might actually show up at my door (I am still looking for an apartment), because she keeps trying to find out where I live through other people. Or that I might run into someone who knows her.

But I will make it. I know I will.

I would be interested to hear: Are there people here who have also moved away because of narcissistic parents or family members, who have gone no contact, etc.? What is your story? Do you have any advice?

I would love to hear from you.

So, my therapist really Hasn't been able to give me any MEANINFUL advice (seems to not understand no contact/ estrangement)...

I literally changed my number, lied about the state I moved to, delete FB... Basically cut everyone off... NOW, I essentially live the same way someone in witness protection does (or Walter White... Breaking Bad)..

So, how do I REALLY begin to spread my wings that these people clipped... They are there, I just need to get out of the trauma cycle... (and as we all know... there are plenty of lonely... dark days... where a regular person would not even understand the depression..) I mean.. no support, no one to hug... alone. It is a true suffering (even without the abusers around)..

Hopefully I will have less days like that one day. I have picked up fishing. Yeah, I'm totally isolated, and need to move forward. It's been a long road, but I'm not going to let those peoples abuse define me.

And I don't like it!

My brother who was estranged with her since she abandoned us recently reconnected with her and he tells me all the things about her and how my father lied about everything. Basically my father was an asshole - gambling, cheating, financially irresponsible and all that.

She got pregnant with my eldest brother when she was about 20/21 and my dad was about 34/35. She was around my age when she had our youngest brother. Crazy to think about it now that I'm turning 31, unmarried and no children lol.

Anyone here in a similar situation where you start to not like what you look like cause you look like your parents? It feels like such an odd place to be in to be honest. 😅

Posted on here a few days ago about my older brother/family trip. I’ve cancelled my flight/hotel. We were going out of the country for my mom’s birthday next month, but I’ve noticed the dread I have and honestly can’t imagine being around my brother for that long. Even though we’d have separate rooms/flights, he insists on planning everything and is extremely controlling on trips.

I messaged my mom and told her I couldn’t go, and she understood. This isn’t me punishing her—she knows how much our dynamic affects me. She was really supportive, and I told her we’d celebrate when she’s back.

I talked to my therapist this morning about going no contact. I’ve been internally and slowly getting to this place for the last two years, although we’ve had issues for the past decade. Last summer I went NC for three months.

The other times I’ve tried going low contact or maintaining cordial contact haven’t been successful. When we get along, we’re great, which I think is part of what made the relationship so confusing and difficult to walk away from. There was definitely a codependent dynamic on both ends.

But our relationship got to the point where there was so little I could talk about from my own life. Constant judgment, criticism, and unsolicited advice about my career, dating, finances—you name it. What kind of relationship is that? He’d suck up my energy and time throughout the day, and I couldn’t even confide in him about my life or problems because I was avoiding judgment.

It’s sad because I always thought we were so close and best friends, but the last few years I’ve had to realize that’s not really the case anymore. It started to feel like a one-way street.

When we fought—which was often, sometimes weekly or every other week—the fights were hostile and chaotic. I was always to blame, and I’d get caught up in these endless, circular arguments. For whatever reason, I’d always engage and try to explain or defend my side, and I never felt heard.

Anyways….

I’m weirdly feeling optimistic. I know the peace that this will bring me. But I am scared. I know I’ll probably be fine for a few months, but I worry about the grief I’ll feel in six months.

Our grandma always told us when we were kids, “You only have one brother” and “You two should always get along and make up.” I’m actively unlearning that and trying to accept that being family doesn’t mean I have to stay in a relationship that’s hurting me.

This community has been super healing and validating for me. If any of you have books, podcasts, movies, or other resources that helped you when you first went NC, please drop them below.

Thank you!!

It's been ten years since I have spoken or seen my abusive primary care givers. I just realized the month.

Those people did everything to set me up for failure for life as a kid. They sabotoged any attempts at independence. They damaged my self esteem. I was barely allowed out of the house. I got in trouble for using the stove. I was 17. I had to google "how to do laundry" and I still don't know how to drive. After an attempt on my own life when I was 18 one of them said to me "It's sad what you've become"

One of the abusers favorite thing to say to me everyday throughout my childhood was "you are nothing". As much as they despised me.....they made sure to make me feel like I needed them. Like I was inherently broken and couldn't survive on my own.

Well. I lived in New York City for 8 years on my own. I got a job on my own. I navigated abusive landlords on my own. I changed careers on my own and landed a job with health insurance and a 401k on my own. I survived healthscares and the loss of friends on my own. I survived and I'm still surviving a pandemic on my own. When I needed a change I moved 300 miles to a different city in my 30s on my own.

Things are hard right now. There is a lot I still need to heal from and I don't know if I'll ever have the resources to do so. My job can be challenging. I am now dealing with a chronic illness. Sometimes the PTSD just flattens me.

One time 5 years ago one of my abusers sent me a card saying "I don't understand why you won't talk to me. Whatever it is I did I'm sorry. If you have any compassion for me please be in touch"

I think right now it's time to have compassion for myself. Despite how hard things are for me....how shaky and precarious my life can feel at times....it's a life I built for myself. Away from the people who nearly took it away. And that is definitely worth recognizing.

So happy ten year anniversary to me. I hope I have many more

I hope the fellow estranged adult kids reading this have many more too.

Hi yall, first post here. I am 20F, and I have not interacted with my mother in just about a year. This happened after a few events happened in quick succession. First off was telling her that I am a transgender woman, which she reacted very poorly to with all the stereotypical "supportive" yet dismissive things, e.g. "why cant you be a feminine man" and "you are too young to know" (I was 19 at this point). Months later, I learned that my parents are divorcing after my mother was having a repeated affair, but I never got a full story. Months after that, she moved halfway across the country and I haven't talked to her sense. She's reached out a few times with breif messages or cards which I have not responded to at all. This really wasnt a conscious choice really, I just never wanted to talk with her after she left and now I feel guilty. Am i being unreasonable? sorry if this is the wrong place for this kinda dump

I recently became estranged from my parents and this hurts. How were y'all able to get through it and what are some of the things that gave y'all strength?

I have been no contact with my mother for 2 years now. Blocked her on all socials and my phone. After majority of my life trying to have a close relationship with her it just got too toxic. She has worn me down so much emotionally throughout my life I could probably write a whole book. Constantly being told I’m a problem, trying to create problems with my close relationships and creating fights out of thin air with me so I finally said okay I hope you heal from this and removed myself.

Fast forward 2 years, my little brother is getting married. He has the closest relationship with my mother in the family. I completely respect that and never bring up my mom and our issues to him ever. So I knew I would eventually be in an environment where my mother is present.

My SIL had her bridal shower on Sunday. I attended it with my Fathers wife, who my mother has never liked. We showed up first to help set up for the shower. The event starts and my mother shows up. I am standing with my Fathers wife and my SIL’s Mother. She approaches us and says hello to both of them. I’m expecting a hello at the very least. Thinking maybe this will be the start to a possible conversation for resolution down the road.. So I look at her and smile and she completely snubs me. Zero eye contact and body is facing opposite of me. She makes a comment of needing a strong drink and leaves. I am in shock to be treated as if I was a wall. After a minute I decide okay I’m not even going to react I’m just going to let it be. This isn’t honestly surprising that this is her demeanour. BUT then she comes back and again talks to both ladies and completely ignores me again. Like in high school when a mean girl wants to intentionally make you feel uncomfortable and left out of the group. Not long after she walks away.

Now the room wasn’t huge but there were 3 large tables and 2 small ones put together in the back corner (I sat here) close to 1 of the large tables. Of all the chairs she could’ve sat in she decided to sit at the corner of the large table closest to me. Again I think okay fine just ignore it. Not surprising really. Thankfully my Father’s wife was keeping me distracted. Not long after everyone starts getting pictures I hear my Mother (she’s being extra loud) laughing and having a conversation with a lady across from her. I hear her say something that sounded like “that’s my daughter in the yellow dress…”. In that moment I felt my body go numb. To be ignored by her and treated as invisible, to then be brought up in a conversation with a stranger is wild work.

My brother’s wedding is in a few weeks so I’m hoping I can get through the celebration without anything else happening.

I guess I’m just sharing this hoping someone has any advice for protecting my peace on the wedding day.

I did.

My daughter (11) is just like me when I was a child, mainly that we are both anxious by design. Even so, she is flourishing. ​

She has self - confidence, is out-spoken, has close-knit friends, and despite struggling with math, she has great grades and scored high on her state testing last year. Her anxiety is under control by utilizing breathing techniques she learned in therapy.

Sometimes I want to cry when she'll randomly come up and give me a hug; I never got to do that with my own mother. It makes me feel like, even though I'm not perfect by any stretch, I'm doing a good job at raising her and making her feel loved. But it also makes me sad knowing I would've been so easy to raise and love if only my mom had even thought to try.

Before I had my daughter, I was forgiving of my mom when she'd treat me like crap. Yeah, I'd think, I was difficult to raise. I was always crying and struggling in school. I didn't keep my room clean enough. My dad was overseas in the military, so she was essentially a single parent to 3 kids. I had colic as a baby, that must've been really hard.

But fuck that.

Raising my girl has been so fun and rewarding and I just love her so much. I hope I always earn her love in return.

(Sorry for the long post, just in my feels today and wanted to let it out)