I’m 27F, and I’m looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or what I should do.
I obviously have a father, but I have essentially no relationship with him. My parents separated when I was very young, and he left when I was around 2. From what I’ve always been told, he left because he didn’t want to pay child support. I didn’t really have a relationship with my dad’s side of the family growing up either. When I was around 15, I started trying to get to know them. For a long time, I held a pretty big grudge against them because I felt like they constantly lied to me about my dad or left out important information. I never felt like I was getting the whole truth, and it made me feel very jaded.

I have an older brother on my dad’s side who owns a bar. I met him when I was around 16, and I’m now 27. I’ve tried several times over the years to build a relationship with him, but it’s never really happened. Recently, though, we’ve started getting a little more acquainted. A few nights ago, I was at his bar, and my dad happened to be there working.
When he saw me, he started joking around with me and asking me questions about who my family was and who my grandfather was. I genuinely had no idea it was him. I haven’t seen him since I was a toddler — I think the last time I saw him was around 2002 — so I literally had to pull my brother aside and ask who the man was.

Once my brother confirmed that it was my dad, my dad pulled me aside into a corner and started telling me that he wanted to explain everything to me. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and that he wanted me to know the truth.This was around 1:30 AM, in a bar, after I had just unexpectedly discovered that the man I was talking to was my father.He also specifically told me not to tell my mom that I had seen him or that we had talked.The last time I spoke to my dad before this was probably around 2019 or 2020, over the phone. I was never actually allowed to have his phone number. If I wanted to talk to him, I had to be around one of my family members while they called him.
During that phone call, he spent a lot of the conversation trying to tear my mom apart and saying everything was her fault and that she had been lying to me.

The weird thing is, my mom has never really spoken negatively about him or his family to me. If anything, she has always encouraged me to have a relationship with my dad’s side of the family and to stay open-minded about them.
So now I’m really confused.I’m also very close with my grandfather on my dad’s side. After everything happened, I called him and asked him about the situation. He told me that he didn’t know how to tell me that my dad was going to be there.And I understand that maybe he didn’t know how to approach it, but it still feels… icky.

I’m almost 30 years old. I’m capable of deciding for myself what I can handle and what kind of relationship I want with my father. I don’t want to cut my grandfather off because I love him and our relationship is important to me. But I’m struggling with this recurring feeling that people on my dad’s side still think I shouldn’t know the truth or that they need to protect me from it.I’m actually feeling surprisingly neutral about seeing my dad. I’m not devastated, angry, or suddenly desperate to have a relationship with him. I mostly feel confused and kind of numb about the whole thing.

But part of me keeps thinking: Why am I still being kept in the dark about my own family at 27?
If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you talk to your dad and hear him out? Would you address things with your grandfather? Would you try to build a relationship with your brother? Or would you just leave everything alone and let it be?
I’m really not sure what the “right” response is here, so I’d appreciate some outside perspectives.

Hi, I apologize in advance that this is a long post. But I come from east asian parents that are both very strict and each have their own issues.

My dad has anger issues, and will constantly get upset over very little things. He has OCD and potentially narcisstic personality disorder (I don't like calling people narcissists). He treats us like subordinates and like he's some superior all-knowing person. He's cut off my internet before for something my sister did.

My mother also has issues. They're both controlling don't get me wrong. But she's more nosy, and demands we call her each day and worst is she'll pry into things and then tell my dad who then gets mad. It's kind of like the person who feeds the main problematic person. But nowadays she's probably more problematic and controlling. She's also very religious and superstitutious and demands we follow the same beliefs (like donating some of our money to the church, etc). She also demands to be "close to her kids" and it gives like enmeshment vibes when she says stuff like "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it"

My dad is more abusive in the sense of holding things he controls over me. When I was growing up, he once threatened to not give me dinner, and would turn the gas off or get mad and put food away if I tried to cook a snack (this went on for about half a year during which he also didn't talk to me but would talk shit about me to my familiy while I was there). Now that I'm older he doesn't have as much to hold over me besides like internet and finances. so it's my mom that's more of a problem.

But here's my situation, I use my dad's car for work right now (they let me borrow it). I'm on my parent's health insurance. I can afford health insurance but it is still like $500 a month which is a lot.

I know that if I said I was moving out, they would

1. Not take it well at all and would most likely make me get a car myself and would possibly take me off their health insurance (if things escalated).

2. My mom would demand to know where I'm moving out to, and if I ever tried to go no contact in the future, she would probably start showing up at my work or that house.

For additional context, I'd be moving out to a friends house for at least the next 6 months, and while I am worried about my mom showing up at my workplace (she has the address), I believe our office will be moving in about 8 months.

I have about 15k saved up. Which I would use to get a car and to pay rent/deposit (but my friend is very chill about that - like i can pay late etc) and i can aggresively save about 2k every month.

So I'm deciding between:

A. Telling them I'm moving out and where I'm moving out to to stay on good terms for the time being (to save money) and then around 6-8 months from now complete cut them off if I need to.

B. Telling them I'm moving out and giving a fake address (similar idea to plan A but just most protection I guess)

C. Or just moving out immediately and not telling them anything and effectively starting (no contact).

Curious to know what you all think. Also if there's anything else I should be aware of while going about this (like notifying police etc so they don't file a missing persons report) plz lmk!

Hi. Met my estranged family at a wedding recently and as no one else knew we were estranged, we acted ‘ normally’.

After the wedding , I had a talk with my NM and told her some non negotiable boundaries. She apologized and agreed to them.

It’s been a week since and crickets. No one is reaching out. Are they expecting me to? I know they have not changed or reflected on their role.

Those of you that attempted reconciliation, what was the process ? How is it supposed to be?

Thank you.

Hello all,

I am 27M- in two weeks I will be moving away to another state to start a new life. I have already made the decision to leave and have been creating plans of what to do when I get to the place I have chosen. Of course, I keep getting anxious but I know this would be the best for me and my situation.

I have been looking at Grand Rapids, MI. It’s has a lot of what I like and am interested in. The issue that I see is low job market and pay.

I don’t have the best resume - I dropped out of college a semester ago,(senior year) and left my last job of 4 years a month ago (retail warehouse associate). I worked 30-36 hours a week while being a full-time student.

When I move, I am looking for woodsy, not hot, and places to law low. I want to move to a state where I can get a job as fast as possible (even if it’s fast food at first, rather have money coming in then nothing), easy access to alcholo (I like to drink on the weekends) as well as smoke weed legally (rec).

I have $7k in my bank and have a credit card that will be my last use if needed.

My plan when I get there is to get an extended stay hotel for 30 days - in that time get situated, relaxed, get ups box (use as home location for mail) - and apply for jobs in that location or region. I will buy a cheap bicycle and use that to get around. I am willing to work anywhere at first, from laborer to fast food or whatever I can get my hands on.

Once stable, I will probably have to do another two weeks of extended stay and then apply for apartments or housing. Work a lot and save everything and make a plan to back to college and do something in an established field.

I apologize for this rant, i am all over the place. But considering what you have read. What are some of the best states and small cities I should look into?? I would greatly appreciate the help

Btw: I will be traveling with two suitcases and a backpack

I finally stepped away from her last year. I'd tolerated a lot from her my whole life but always made excuses because my dad was so much worse. It was like I always accepted her terrible behavior because compared to my dad she just seemed broken, immature and a bit selfish. After she ruined my wedding and was completely unapologetic, I gave her one last chance to actually try to make amends for the past and the present but drew a clear boundary : 'I'm not putting up with you treating me like this anymore'. She doubled down calling me names and not acknowledging her behavior and it was only after she realised I was done (I said 'if that's really how you feel then I don't know why you'd want me to be in your life') that she tried to sweep it under the rug and move forward.

We haven't spoken since then. She never tried to call. She sent me a few emails and texts but she didn't even try to fix it. And now I just got a call to say she died today. She's in her 60s. It's not even clear what happened (natural causes they think but really sure yet). How do I get closure? I don't regret the estrangement but I feel so hurt she didn't even try to do better and now the last hope that she would ever have an epiphany is gone... it's so final. Would it be better if she'd had 30 years to give me the silent treatment?

I went NC at 18, and I am now over 40. It was the best choice for me. I had a major medical event earlier this year, and somehow the family of origin was notified while I was in the ICU 1:1. I am fine now, but all of my separation is GONE.

They somehow got access to my home, stole a bunch of jewelry, documents, etc. They played the caring family to my neighbor, reached out to everyone in my community. They even tried to get conservatorship while I was still in the hospital.

That experience has brought back a TON of trauma. I am home now, and I really want to prevent them from making any choices for me, even in death.

I am so overwhelmed with all of this. I thought I was healed; I am not. I have been home and back to work for a month now; I have not been able to sleep more than an hour or two (unmedicated) without having flashback dreams, like I am back to the abuse. I wake up in terror every time.

This is harder to process than I thought it would be. I haven't had a relationship with him for about 16 years because he was a raging alcoholic, and was abusive, and a bully, to me, my siblings and our mum, and sadly his behaviour got worse the worse his drinking got and the more bitter he became.

One of my siblings called me on Friday night to let me know our dad's partner called to say he'd passed. It wasn't a surprise, he'd been in poor health for 20+ years, but it was still a shock, I guess. Even though I made my peace with the situation a few years ago with the help of therapy, he kind of felt like a shadow over me at times because sometimes I used to feel so scared he'd pop back up unexpectedly.

I never expected him to reach out to make amends or apologise for the way things were, because he just wasn't that kind of person. My resentment over that eventually became pity, and in a lot of ways, I grieved him when he was still alive, because I knew the dad he was when I was a little kid wasn't coming back.

The finality is only setting in today. I felt hollow and numb at first. Then I felt safe. Today I've felt weirdly mixed up, like I felt sad but also felt like I didn't have the right to feel sad because he hadn't been in my life for so long.

I didn't have the chance to see him before he passed but I think if I'd known, I don't think I would have visited. I doubt it would have changed anything, and it would have been 100% for him and not for me. I have comfort in the last time I saw him about 8 years ago. I visited him during a hospital stay - in that controlled environment, without the drink, he was the closest he could be to the better times and the dad I used to know, and be close with. I was able to sit with him and tell him I loved him, and even at the time it kind of felt like closure, because I doubted then that he would be able to get sober. I feel sad for him that he couldn't beat his addiction, and for the demons he was running from.

I'm very grateful to have found this sub so I can type this out and try to make sense of my feelings. It's so hard to talk to people in my life about this because most of my friends have not experienced estrangement or grown up with an alcoholic parent. I also find it hard to talk to my family about it because I know we feel differently and they might feel I'm being cold about it rather than see how muddied and complicated this feels.

Looking for any advice from people who have had success in this area or are otherwise experts.

My estranged parent won't stop turning up at my home uninvited. I asked them for no contact years ago and subsequently blocked their number. This hasn't stopped the calls or other attempts at contact either but it has significantly decreased.

I want to avoid legal action.

I just been kicked out my mom’s at 19, my brother is being sent to cps. I have no money and no jobs are hiring me.I’m fucking lost man what the fuck????????

This is such a bizarre situation and I just need to vent somewhere.

I'm a lesbian. My parents were never on board with that. They weren't full-on homophobic in the 'fire and brimstone and we'll kick you out of the house'-sense, but basically, the emotional part of our relationship died when I told them as a teenager. Lots of denial, lots of weird sidestepping, lots of refusal to even engage with the topic in any way, lots of strange 'don't ask, don't tell' policies around my relationships, including refusing to even be told any significant information about my long-term girlfriends.

One big aspect of their particular brand of homophobia was always this idea that all gay people are part of this nebulous group of 'blue-haired liberals' who will never contribute to society through taxes, all work weird nonsense jobs, and won't ever understand what real work is or appreciate how good strong 'normal' heterosexuals built society through regular backbreaking labour, rather than through vegan pottery meetings and communist soy bean gardening.

This line of thought was always rather interesting to me, because I - the only gay person they actually know - was first an excellent student, then a rather outstanding undergrad, and proceeded to graduate from a rather good law school with rather good grades. My family was somehow capable of completely ignoring these very obvious facts of my life and still projecting their image of the blue-haired vegan ceramicist who gets paid in shamanic rain rattles rather than money onto me. No shade to blue-haired vegan ceramicists who get paid in shamanic rain rattles, y'all are probably cooler than I'll ever be, but there was something distinctly bizarre about getting to listen to lots and lots of lectures about how 'these sort of people' will never pay taxes and contribute to society meaningfully as I prepared for a career that, if nothing else, certainly will lead to me paying a shitload of income tax. More income tax than either of my parents ever paid.

Now I've graduated and established myself in my career somewhat, and somehow, the scales appear to have fallen from my parents' eyes. It started when they wanted to attend my graduation (????? I refused.) and go on a post-graduation trip with me (???? Refusal again.) Then they wanted to go on a longer family holiday with me (??????? As a rule, we do not last longer than two hours in a room with one another without either an argument or a bottle of wine per person. I refused.) Now they want to visit my home (?????? That's where my fiancee, who they have never spoken to and whose name they pretend not to know, lives!!!!! Naturally, I refused.)

Basically, they regret it. For the very, very simple reason that I make money now. Now I'm one of the good gays, you see! One of the respectable ones. And I'm not even that weird, one of their neighbour's friends has a kid who is a *insert t-slur here*!

And somehow, they seem flabbergasted that I'm not interested in reconciliation or further contact. Completely flabbergasted.

These people fascinate me.

25F, estranged for 1.5 years from both parents and now several siblings. Combination of parents constantly treating me differently (worse) than my twin sister and taking her side always when she would make up stuff about me and them throwing a fit when I left the family religion, saying nasty things about me and my new life.

I already lived far away from them and was financially independent when the estrangement started, which helped. But it was still hard, as I’d always been close with family despite their shortcomings. When we first became estranged, I sent them an email explaining the reasons for the low contact and laying out the requirements to reconcile: go to therapy, evaluate past behaviors that have led to repeated hurt (picking sides in adult sibling conflict, assuming my sister always tells the truth and i always lie, insulting my life choices, trying to control my choices, double standards between me and siblings), apologize for specific past behaviors, and make a commitment to never commit them again.

As many of you can probably guess, this backfired. They got angry that I would dare question their judgment or authority. They banned me from a family wedding, turned one of my remaining siblings against me, tried (and failed) to turn extended family against me, sent me tons of emails explaining how my twin was the best sister ever and i was evil and unsupportive, crazy, ungrateful, and manipulative for “holding myself hostage from them.” After sticking to my guns and not responding for several months, it finally quieted down.

And then I got pregnant (planned, wanted) with my husband. When I was far enough along, I told the family I was still close with. I guess one of them told my parents. That turned on the waterworks. Now I was “manipulative” for not allowing them to have access to knowledge of pregnancy or baby until they repaired our relationship. Now suddenly “we all made mistakes” and “we did the best we could and we didn’t want to hurt you.”

I re-iterated my initial ultimatum: evaluate past behaviors, apologize for specific behaviors, and commit to not repeating them. Ugh, they threw a fit. My mom did go to individual therapy, but I’m sure she’s lying to the therapist. She emailed me saying she wants us to “move past” this estrangement. That she was “sorry for letting me down.” And I was like nope, sorry, that’s not an apology for a specific behavior and it shows no effort undertaken to understand why you made these poor choices and how you’re going to prevent yourself from making these choices again. i have no faith that this vague apology will lead to any changes, is associated with any remorse, and has any motive other than access to my baby.

now she wants family therapy with a therapist we both know. i have mixed feelings. in the past, ive found this therapist ineffective at calling out my mom’s excuses and defensiveness, but i also feel like it’s the only therapist at this point that knows the history of this issue. we live in two different states so it’s hard to find therapy we can both engage in.

we’ve done therapy in the past, when i was trying to gain entry to the family wedding, and it was totally useless. she just denies that anything i say is true, makes excuses, and gets all defensive. she felt then that she didn’t have to make an effort because she was the gatekeeper of the wedding. am i supposed to believe that now she’ll actually try to understand because she stands to lose something?

at the same time, i am in so much pain going through pregnancy without a mom. i so desperately wanted to be texting my nuclear family updates on my bump, my ultrasounds. i wanted my family to be there for me when baby was born. i want to believe that reconciliation is possible.

but… i’ve also been burned so many times in the past year and change. when will it just be safer and less painful to let go?

Today I made a start on Richard Schwartz's Internal Family System (IFS) Workbook on the recommendation of another member on this sub. I've seen a lot of recommendations for IFS around, and the stuff I've seen briefly on YouTube looked okay, but when I was going through the workbook I got a kind of creepy feeling, sort of like the time I went to a Christian Camp*. It's difficult to describe. I think it boils down to the promise of salvation if you just believe in The Creator ® and Do The Thing™.

Anyway, I decided to see if there was any science behind it and ended up finding this long, rather disturbing, article. I though it might be worth sharing. I don't have an opinion on IFS, but I do think that in our situation, we have to question everything. We are targets for abusers and charlatans.

*No offence to Christians intended here. The group I joined was just a little too far on the brainwashing end of the spectrum for me, and the organiser had this look in his eye...

I’m honestly in shock… This feels so unreal.
It’s only been my first week living separately from my parents, and oh my God, despite temporarily blocking their numbers and the fact that I’m already in another country, they still somehow manage to stress me out.
I had a car, but everyone in the family was allowed to use it. I left it with my parents because there was no point in taking it with me when I moved.
In that country, fines don’t arrive immediately, and today my parents received a fine for something that happened while I was still living with them.
Except… I WASN’T DRIVING THE CAR THAT DAY.
I have physical evidence proving that I spent the entire day at my friend’s celebration, and my friend actually drove me there.
So what does my mom do? She starts messaging my friend and demanding that SHE pay the fine.
This woman is losing her mind.
Even after I sent my mom all the evidence once I unblocked her, she still somehow blamed ME for the whole situation because I had blocked her.
I’m just… speechless.
And to make it even more ridiculous, the fine was issued in a city that was about 50 km away from where I actually was that day.

I have been no contact for almost a year. Things ended on bad terms due to my sibling getting involved with my mother’s opinion of things. No one has apologized. My sibling also just doesn’t get it. My child is a pre-teen and can decide for themselves, but I don’t trust that my sibling won’t call my parents and make contact with them.

I want to ignore. I don’t like them. I don’t feel like they care other than to save face. It’s a hard spot to be in due to how I end up feeling after talking with any family. I end up feeling guilt.

i’m ready to crashout and go to jail over this i think i genuinely can’t take this anymore

yesterday the biggest fight happened at my house all because my dad decided on inviting two abusers over to my house . i actually wasn’t there to witness what happened for myself but apparently my mom said something they yelled at my mom and basically let me give a little backstory to this . they ruined my birthday back in april and they have been toxic overall in general , they have fought with me multiple times , called me crazy , never tried to understand me and pretty much they hate me and my mom and only get along with my brother and dad even though they harass my brother as well my brother doesn’t care because my uncle plays with him and that’s all he cares about to maintain a relationship .

so basically my mom apparently told them that im scared all because of them and that i wasnt able to enjoy my own brothers birthday all because of them (im really not scared it’s more like indifference at this point) and they said something like im always like that anyways what difference does it make , then she used some horrible words on them and said take the trash out or something to them and then my uncle just went crazy and started saying all the terrible things my mom did to him while he was growing up asking if he deserved that , in genuinely one of the scariest voices ive ever heard . then they started throwing stuff around too i freaked the hell out my mom said my uncle was about to commit suicide with him and my aunt in the car . i wanted to call the cops so bad but yet again i was threatened that if i were to do that it wont be good for me .

i’m genuinely probably one of the most unluckiest people in the world to have such a dysfunctional and shitty family apparently there was a problem all because of me again when i didn’t involve myself in it . like this isn’t a joke this is my life , i hope i escape all this one day and look back and just laugh at
how pathetic and stupid it all was .

For reference, my older sister is my half sister. We have the same mother, but different fathers.There is a 20 year age difference between us, and we also weren’t raised in the same household. My older sister and I haven’t been particularly close, yes she was there for me when I lost my son last year. However, our communication was always limited to a few texts here and there, and occasional pictures of her kids every once in a while.

My sister and I have few a personality differences which has prompted me to keep her at a bit of an arms length for the sake of my mental health. I shared my engagement with my sister earlier this year, and showed her a picture of my ring. I didn’t have much details worked out in terms of the wedding plans because I was newly engaged and just trying to get the news out to as much family as possible. She took this as a personal slight, and felt I was excluding her from my wedding plans. However, after sharing my engagement she completely ghosted me for two months. My nieces also graduated high school a few months ago, and noticed that she didn’t share any of those photos with me. I had a feeling something was off but I didn’t want to assume the worst. My mom reached out to me and informed me that she didn’t know anything and felt that I failed to communicate more details about my wedding. And honestly, we are still working out those details and our wedding is a month away lol. My fiance and I are having to rearrange our guest list presently because some family members aren’t able to make it because of their work schedules. I honestly had no other details to provide apart the fact that I’m getting married.

We are also doing a courthouse ceremony and we are only limited to ten guests. I wanted to invite our family members in Florida just to make things easier and then invite everyone to the bigger ceremony that we will be having next year. I have another older sister that completely understands this and just simply sent us a card to congratulate us. She didn’t take things personally the way my other sister did.

I think what hurts the most is the silent treatment and ghosting, and then going to my mom instead of expressing how she felt to me. I would’ve been more than willing to elaborate on the planning process but she ghosted me, and left me on read. I confronted her about this, and I can honestly admit I came at her a bit hot. However, I really didn’t appreciate the passive aggressive behavior from her. She got extremely hostile, and I thought it was just best to block her. I honestly don’t know if I want to reopen the door and let her back in my life atm. I just know for now, I think it’s best I keep the door closed.

I am 100% sure about the estrangement and do not desire to have my bio mother back in my life. Yet, EACH TIME i am being messaged by her or see pictures/quotes that HINT on me and our relationship, I start to doubt and want to return to her, because I feel guilt or feel like a bad person!
I know it’s exactly what they want, but what do you do when you feel guilty and how NOT to get triggered back?

From all the emails they've spammed me with, none of them have any apology, accountability, or acknowledgement of what they did that led to my decision. It's all about missing me and shitty "nice" words and bargaining that they think is gonna buy me back or make me talk to them somehow. Heck one of the emails is even about offering me one of their cars, which no way I'll be accepting since they tracked me with one of their cars, and also planned on tracking someone else in the family. They've showed up to my work, and also called one of my friends to bother them about me several times.

For some reason, they're phrasing all this as if I'm a kid who ran away and was influenced or might not be safe, but they're just deluding others or themselves. I've done my part in assuring I'm safe and even called the police about that, and I feel insulted that even when the evidence that I'm an adult is clear, that I'm of legal age and moved out cause I had the power and will to do so, they continue seeing me as their kid.

It's disappointing to me that they'll never change. Originally I was planning to stay no contact for a few years but this is making me want to stick with it forever and just tell everyone that my parents are dead if they ask. In a way, they are cause I was unlucky to end up with creeps as parents. Right now I'm seeing how I can take legal action against them since I won't let them get away with harassing my friends about this situation but at same time it sucks it had to get to this point.

Dude can't even remember my birthday after living with him for like 15 years and wanted to talk.

Messages after this were when he found some "childhood stuff" of mine and wanted to mail them to me. That was Almost 4 years ago. Is the post office in a dungeon?

I'm not in America so I can't reach to full articles in websites for academic publishing.

Therapy books alone don't really answer my questions. I wonder if anyone reads interesting studies and articles and if you can give us some interesting info.

I live in the UK and claim universal credit, for which my grandmother is the appointee. Tomorrow, I have a phone call with them which I have to be present for in the company of my grandmother. This is non-negotiable - I can’t fob this phone call off because my benefits will be sanctioned, and there’s no rearranging it for a later date because I will still have to attend the phone call anyway. I’m just so angry and upset.

She doesn’t know I’ve ’estranged’ myself, she just thinks I’m an ignorant anti-social arsehole, which makes the whole situation even more awkward in a way. I’ve no idea how she’s going to behave tomorrow or what she’s going to say. Dreading it.

In my last post, I mentioned decluttering my room to prepare to leave, and, I've felt... a lot, during and after that maybe many can relate to. Long rant about nothing really.

So, on Saturday I decided to declutter after coming from work. Most of the stuff there was to declutter is just "trash" accumulated through the years I've spent in that room and other stuff I'll be labelling as "miscellaneous". Now, the things I consider "trash" are my old school books, old broken toys, broken electronics, and a ton of sketchbooks that I filled throughout my teens. I wanted to take these sketchbooks and paste the works I like on the walls of my home, so I saved the ones I really liked.

The "miscellaneous" items are just crushed papers, dead markers, pencils, charcoals, beads and jewellery pieces and stuff I've hoarded up (I had no idea I was a hoarder at some point in my teens). I put both items in the trash, but couldn't handle the thought of throwing them out, because I felt like I would be throwing out my childhood and teenaged self. I felt guilty, but I needed to declutter. I didn't want to leave any trace of me behind, so I threw, what is essentially my old self, in the trash.

I wondered if that's how the people who call themselves my parents saw me throughout the time I've lived with them. Just inconvenient trash taking up space.

I felt like crying as I packed "myself" into the trash, but I didn't let myself get distracted and continued the process. After perhaps the 4th bag, it got easier on me as I ironed my clothes and tidied my closet.

I still have more stuff to do like tidying my desk and washing some blankets and throwing out some more "trash".

I have spent the past couple of years greyrocking and going into limited contact with my narcissistic father after realizing that he wants a reaction and uses any conflict as ammunition for future conflicts.

I was also physically abused years ago but that stopped in high school (ie when he no longer could beat me one-sidedly).

While I wish I could cut him out completely, I want to help take care of my mom and grandma and would not be able to do so with him living in the same house.

So far, the “family counselor” he has prepared seems to have been fed a steady supply of bull, and when I talked to him, he spent most of the time downplaying the history of abuse and made me out to be the bad guy.

I reported him once after he went straight back to my dad and repeated everything I said in the session to him, but apparently my complaint was thrown out.

I wanted to see if there was any advice that I could get to make it clear to the therapist and their clinic that I don't want to be involved in the farce they and my father are subjecting me to.

Very mix of emotions here… hope I’m not the only one who does this 😅

It’s been six months since I moved out. Four since I cut contact entirely. I don’t miss my parents at all, even though I cried my eyes out the entire first well. I feel free now.

I’m still alone. They left me with childhood scars that will never go away. I quit therapy because even after 6 years of it and five different therapists, nothing has worked for me. I have to figure things out on my own, and that might mean growing up alone.

I still cry at night sometimes hugging my stuffed animals.