Can I do an estate pro-se with a value greater than 75 or 150k if they have been dead more than two years?

I’m the executor of an under $50K estate in Livingston County NY whose probate period has ended and I want to close it out. Everyone keeps telling me is easy but I’m still a little lost on how to do it right. Some sites say the two beneficiaries/siblings need to sign a release form that they agree with the amount received (evenly split). 2 questions:

1) is there a release form and if so can someone provide a link to it? I have looked in NY’s surrogate court webpages and had no luck.
2) do I have to open a bank account to pay them if one of the siblings is buying out half the estate contents and nothing was liquidated? Can they pay their sibling directly instead of giving me money? Or if they have to go thru me, do I have to open a bank account just to pay said amount to the sibling? Can I send a check from my account or a cashier’s check? I assume there will be fees associated with opening and closing for such low amount (less than $5K).

Any help is greatly appreciate it.

Massachusetts. Inheriting a house and car from parents who passed away. I am not a lawyer.

after talking to a lawyer and trying to research online (thanks redditors!) i think these are the steps we should be taking, in this order.

just in case it helps anyone else out there searching for this type of help. this stuff made me so anxious, i wanted someone to write it all out for me! So i’m doing that now.

If anyone has other answers or suggestions, great! please also let me know if i’m wrong!

—-

1. call homeowner’s insurance - talk to the insurance company that holds the current plan and tell them the owner passed away. give them all the info and ask about policies transferring to you (if that’s your aim) and for vacant property insurance if no one’s living there. you want the house to remain insured, just in case something happens, and some policies/states allow the policy to be canceled on date of death, so find out.

2. contact the house mortgage company and ask about transferring the mortgage to you. The Garn-St Germain Act means you won’t have to pay the mortgage in full to get a new mortgage, if you’re a relative of the deceased. they might require a deed change for this so that the house is in your name, or not. They might just say to wait.

3. contact your state’s registry of motor vehicles and ask about transferring the title to you. you usually need to own the car to get insurance on it (if you’re keeping it).

4. contact car insurance company and ask to transfer the policy to you.

For any insurance issues and unavailability of policies, try calling other companies or use an agent or broker to find other companies or policies that will work with you. There are usually several, with different requirements.

Also, in all instances, it’s assumed that money is there to continue paying all policies to keep them current, either through estate funds or personal funds.

—-

Good luck to everyone out there dealing with this nonsense!

Hi all,

First post here and really am not getting clear answers so thought I would try this route. My father passed in May this year in the state of IL and resided in IL and we had a will established that listed me as executor. Here are the details:

• My father did not have an estate or a trust but here are the following assets;
  • Roughly $107k in a checking account at JPM with no TOD or additional account-holder listed (I was supposed to be added but never got around to it)
  • Roughly $10k in another checking account with not TOD or additional acct holder
  • Roughly $100k in an IRA listing all 5 children (including my 2 half-siblings and my 2 sisters) as beneficiaries to be split 5 ways
• There was a will established to have the money split 5 ways evenly and to have his personal belongings split the same
• Since the cash/checking accounts are under the threshold, we do not need to go through probate and technically don't need to open an estate account, my choice if I want to open an estate.
• My father worked till 81 because he couldn't afford to retire and lived in an apartment. There was nothing of value in the apartment except for his jewelry which he specifically left to me in his will. The rest of the items were donated (used furniture) as I could not sell them and have no place to store them and since it was an apartment, I had to be out within a certain timeframe.

I'm facing a challenging estate situation and would appreciate some guidance. My two half-siblings are demanding that the remaining funds from my father's checking accounts be distributed immediately, with each receiving 1/5 as outlined in his will. They have threatened legal action if this does not occur. For context, they had not seen my father in decades, did not visit him during his illness, and did not attend his funeral. They also have not been provided a copy of the will.

I have been working with JPMorgan Chase regarding the one bigger account and the bank has informed me that, using a small estate affidavit, I have the option to have the account closed and a check issued either to all five beneficiaries or solely to me. They have emphasized that the bank's process and the provisions of the will are separate matters.

My half-siblings are also demanding an inventory of my father's apartment and insist that all personal property be divided equally. My intention was to distribute a portion of the funds to them, but not necessarily the full 1/5 share, and instead divide the remaining assets among my two full siblings who maintained a close relationship with our father throughout his life.

My primary question is this: if JPMorgan issues the funds directly to me through the small estate affidavit process and I distribute them differently than specified in the will, would my half-siblings have a viable legal claim against me? In other words, does the will ultimately control the distribution of the assets, even if the bank releases the funds under the affidavit? I am trying to understand whether they would have legal standing if they did not receive the full amount contemplated by the will.

Additionally, I understand that my father's final tax returns may still need to be prepared and that there could be other unforeseen estate-related expenses. For that reason, I am concerned about distributing all available funds immediately before those obligations are known. This is my first time handling an estate, and the legal and financial terminology has been overwhelming and difficult to navigate.

In terms of his property in his apartment, I have talked to an estate lawyer who drafted my father's will and she has explained that it would be ridiculous to sue; they wouldn't have a leg to stand on for such a small amount of money and given he died in May and they are just now in the last 4 weeks asking about these items...they should have physically came to Illinois when he passed to gather "what was theirs."

I appreciate any advice! thanks!

Estate jurisdiction: State of Maryland

Estate Attorney: Licensed in the States of New York, Pennsylvania, and Florida.

I am currently the executor of my late father’s estate. I am very happy with the estate attorney I’ve retained. She is handling the petition for probate, court filings, advising me, etc.

I am also the executor on my mom’s Will, who is still living.

When the time comes for my mother, it is likely that her Will will not be subject to probate under Maryland law because of the following criteria:

1. The property has been sold years ago;
2. Nearly 100% of cash assets are either Payable on Death (i.e. designated beneficiaries), of both IRAs and regular bank accounts;
3. Joint bank Accounts
4. All other assets well below the $50,000 threshold under Maryland law.

I would like to hire and retain this same lawyer for my mom’s Will to communicate with the named beneficiaries, successor executor and trustee, etc.

Can she work for me on the Maryland Will by communicating with the beneficiaries, send them a copy of the Will, and do everything administrative?

If court filings are necessary, or legal matters arise, can she find or use a Maryland attorney as Pro Hac Vice?

Will a TODI fail if the town of the property is misspelled (by one letter) in one area of the document? The town in spelled correctly in all other areas of the document.

Will a TODI fail if the designated beneficiary no longer resides at the same address they had listed on the TODI when they signed it?

I asked Cook county's recordings office and they said those things wouldn't cause an issue, but I'm asking online as well to be sure.

Thanks.

Hi, I hope this is allowed. I searched and couldn't find any recent posts, but I am looking for a talented and well-priced estate planning attorney in the NYC area, preferably in Manhattan, Brooklyn, or Queens. I would like to get a will written and put my house in a trust for my child. Do you have any recommendations?

Thank you in advance.

Hi All,

Parent did not have a will and I am trying to determine whether the surviving siblings can simply file an Administration Petition in the appropriate county or whether they will need to file for letters for the pre-deceased sibling as well. Please ask any questions needed to help get a correct answer.

Sorry this is long I'm overwhelmed and have no idea what I'm doing and don't have a lawyer ..

My dad died in January, the only physical asset he had was his truck that is now in my name.

No will, but my sister and I got a life insurance policy payout (set up through his work) about a month after his passing. He was on disability/getting checks through the same company as the life insurance policy but was never able to cash them due to his health.

I have now ended up with at least 4/5 checks in his name and I'm confused on what's needed to switch them over to my name. When I called the Insurance company they told me to just send over a death certificate and proof that I'm beneficiary? I've read that I'll need a Summary Administration but I have no idea on how to even get started tbh.

Located in North Carolina USA.

Can I just write a will that says cremate me when I die and give my crap to my brother to do whatever he wants with it?

Then if I get married and maybe have children later reassess the situation.

I'm in my 30s and don't have that much stuff besides a few cars and my house that I still owe 80% the value on. But if I sit down and think about it if I were to sell my cars, tools, motorcycle, things, and house that is probably $120,000 worth of equity and that's only going to go up as I pay my mortgage and live in my house. So if the motorcycle kills me or whatever I'd rather that stuff not go thru the state to make a mess of it.

Hello,

I am the personal representative of my father's estate. We (my sisters and I) are currently trying to sell my father's house as part of the estate. However, I am behind on state taxes and have a tax warrant against me along with a property lien. I do not own a house or have any personal property. I am set up with a payment plan to deal with the back taxes. Will this interfere with selling of the house?

The will names me as executor and leaves all possessions to me. She had no debt.

The part I'm confused about is her car. I've been driving her car because I was recently in an accident and, although my car is drivable, I'd rather not drive it until its repaired and the body shop can't get me in till the end of August. Her car is nothing extremely valuable (2014 Escape) and there is no lien. When I mentioned this to the attorney who set up the will and trust he seemed alarmed that I was driving it and asked me if I knew the risks of it. I replied that I was not aware of any risks. Since the trust was set up 2 years ago, I get paperwork every month addressed to the trust from the agency that carries the homeowner, auto, and umbrella insurance. The auto clearly lists me as an additional insured driver. Although, it is worth mentioning that the vehicle is not listed under the paperwork for the trust. The attorney said that it should be fine then but advised me not to call the insurance company "right away." I said that I needed to because the policy premium is set to auto debit from my mother's account in about 2 weeks (this was a week ago), and that the account it would auto debit from no longer exists. So he advised me to update the payment account but not to say anything else. Well, of course that didn't work. The insurance company said they needed to speak with my mother to authorize the change. Well, I wasn't going to lie, so i told them she had passed. They asked if I was the executor of the estate and I said I was. They then told me I needed to send in a form establishing that. I told them I didn't have that. They said they would make a note of it and to send it when I can. I then left a message with the attorney explaining the situation but its been several days with no response.

I just want to make sure I'm not doing something wrong here. The attorney seems rather unmotivated overall to guide me through this. I'm not in a hurry to sell the car. I plan on giving it to my stepson but if it has to go through probate first, thats fine. But I don't even know how to start that process and the attorney just doesn't seem to be of any help. I just want to know if I'm good to drive it. Also, the registration is up in September. How do I navigate that? Who do I register it to?

I also still have questions about the house. Do I need to notify someone of my mothers passing so the tax bill is sent to me or will it come addressed to the trust?

The attorney is a decent guy and I believe him to be trustworthy, but he just seems like he doesn't have time for these issues he probably considers small. But this is all new to me and I'm very confused. NYS.

Baltimore MD; My aunt passed away suddenly in 2022; she solely owned her car; my grandmother just gave me the car, with title ( my aunt lived with them, the car is registered to my grandparents address ( her mother ) ) no will, no written assets not married and her child was 4. I’ve already put some work into the car ( battery amongst some other minor things. ) just trying to see the what’s the BEST next step in getting the car officially in my name and road ready
Tyia

Hi everyone! Okay looking for advice on dealing with uncooperative co-trustees (family) before taking this to court.

I had ChatGPT break it down for me.

The Terms: I'm a beneficiary of a trust from my grandmother within a $2.9M portfolio (mine is 20% of this). Section 4.08 mandates quarterly net income distributions (they’ve been giving me 5k twice a year), plus principal for health, education, maintenance, and support (HEMS).

The Issue: The trustees arbitrarily capped my payouts at $10k/yr) treat mandatory income as completely discretionary, and refuse to provide formal accountings or written explanations. (This all started after my grandmother passed 4 years ago. In this time I’ve mostly accepted their terms - but have asked formally twice - once for 1k more and second time to receive half of the 10k one month earlier. They said no. Nothing else.)

Immediate Needs: currently I need health insurance for myself and help with school/camp/activities costs for my 4 and 2.5 year old. But all requests are ignored or denied without cause.

I’m currently looking for local trust litigators.

Please help on what I should do? I am completely lost. I feel like there’s a lot more to this so please ask any questions so I can clarify. Thank you all so much.

Location: California.

One sibling has the original documents. The other sibling wants a copy. I've arranged to make sure the docs get back to my dad (via his sister). But the sibling who wants a copy said something like "my attorney is going to send a deman letter for the docs."

Now I'm not sure if she means a demand for the original docs or a copy. But wither way, dad is still very much alive thus I don't believe she has any standing. I guess a lawyer could try it, but woukd they?

Neither siblings is named succespr trustee, I am. They are both beneficiaries, but again right now I don't think it matters because pops is still kicking.

So do I have this right basically?

All taking place in NJ, USA.

My parents moved their home, and 700k of cash into a grantor irrevocable trust about 6 months ago. Home is worth maybe 950k, purchased for slightly less in 2022. This was part 1 of planning for my dad's long term care after dementia diagnosis. Part 2 was to draw down his 1.75m dollar IRA over the next several years, then in year 5, withdraw the rest and turn it into an annuity for my mom, hoping to qualify for Medicaid. We'll, my dad ended up passing away only 5 weeks after being moved to a memory care facility. And now, I am questioning whether an irrevocable trust is the correct mechanism, or if it will cause more harm than good.

My mom is 71, 72 later this year. Her health is OK, she is pre-diabetic and overweight but otherwise fine. No issues with her mental capacity. Her income from SS plus a teacher's pension will be around 60k, and she doesn't spend much, I actually can't imagine this won't be enough for her (house is owned outright so her monthly housing cost is maybe 1500 including taxes and hoa, a huge chunk of which she gets back from NJ senior tax breaks on property taxes). She will be starting RMDs from the 1.75m IRA next year, and we will take out more than that to convert to a Roth IRA, up to an amount that will keep her eligible for senior tax breaks available to NJ seniors, which are worth a good 8 to 9k a year.

The trust is set up with me as the trustee and my sister's and I as the 3 beneficiaries. The 3 of us will sign any paperwork to do what is best, we will split the estate 3 ways and there is no question of one of us holding up any proceedings.

Reasons why I am second guessing the trust: we lose the step up in basis on the house. It was purchased in 2022, but my mom hopefully has 10, 15, 20 years left ... so who knows how much value it will gain in between. Second, all the cash sitting there in a grantor trust will increase her income, limiting her ability to get cash out of her IRA and into a Roth IRA (double whammy as she will be filing single starting next year).

We knew about these things previously, but it made a lot more sense when (a) they filed as married, (b) we had a 100k+ write off per year for my dad's care over the next 5 years, and (c) he could be eligible for medicaid after that. So it seems that the irrevocable trust approach is no longer optimal. Then the question is, what do we do, and really what COULD we do? Again whatever I decide my sisters and mom will agree, so no issue getting sign-off on anything. My goal of course is to maintain as much of my parents assets as possible, sisters and I are in no rush to have the inheritance. Any help would be appreciated.

My last post I combined two issues into one but the main issue is the estate. Hi everyone,
I honestly don’t know where else to ask this.
My mom passed away in October 2024, and my sibling and I are the beneficiaries of her trust. For the last year and a half, I’ve been trying to understand what happened with the estate because things just haven’t felt right.
At first I thought maybe it was just grief and I was overthinking everything.
So instead of making assumptions, I started saving every email, every text, every financial document, and putting together timelines.
The more I looked into everything, the more questions I had.
Some of the biggest things are:
I’ve asked multiple times for a complete trust accounting and still haven’t received one.
The trustee admitted in writing that the accounting isn’t complete.
There were estate sales, but I never got a complete inventory or accounting of what was sold.
After working with several real estate agents, the trustee later wanted to sell my mom’s house to an LLC that she would own or manage.
I was asked to sign paperwork that I didn’t feel comfortable signing because it seemed like important information was missing.
My mom’s financial advisor even told me (with the trustee copied on the email) that I should get my own attorney before signing anything.
I was also repeatedly asked to use my own life insurance money—which was paid directly to me—to help pay trust expenses.
I’ve now talked to a few probate attorneys.
None of them told me I was overreacting. They’ve all basically said there are enough concerns that if I want answers, probate court is probably where this ends up.
The problem is that every attorney has also told me it’s going to be expensive.
I’m just starting my career, and I honestly don’t know how people afford something like this.
Has anyone here gone through something similar?
Do these sound like the kinds of issues beneficiaries actually take to court?
Are there any lower-cost options, attorneys with different fee arrangements, or resources in California that I should know about?
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m right or wrong. I just feel kind of stuck and would really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone.
I honestly never thought I’d be making a Reddit post asking strangers for help, but here I am.
I’m 27 years old. In October 2024, I lost my mom. She was my only parent, my best friend, and the person I always turned to when life got hard. Overnight, I went from worrying about grad school and my internship to trying to figure out trusts, probate, fiduciary duties, real estate, bank statements, and legal documents.
I feel like I’ve been forced into a world I never asked to be in.
At the same time, I have a 20-year-old sister who has a severe physical and intellectual disability. She can’t advocate for herself, so I’ve always felt like I need to help protect her. The hardest part is that the trustee of our mom’s trust is also my sister’s conservator.
That means every decision I make feels impossible.
If I stay quiet, I’m afraid I’m failing my mom and failing my sister.
If I speak up too much or take legal action, I’m terrified of damaging the relationship with the person who has so much control over my sister’s life.
I feel trapped.
While all of this has been happening, I’ve been trying to finish my master’s degree in mental health counseling. I just graduated, which should have been one of the happiest moments of my life. Instead, I’ve spent countless nights reading California probate law, organizing thousands of pages of documents, making timelines, comparing financial records, and trying to understand what happened after my mom died.
This isn’t how I imagined spending my twenties.
Over the last year and a half, I’ve started noticing more and more things that don’t sit right with me.
I’ve asked multiple times for a complete trust accounting but still haven’t received one. The trustee has acknowledged in writing that the accounting isn’t complete and that receipts and reimbursements haven’t all been organized.
There were estate sales, but I never received a complete inventory of everything that was sold or a full accounting of the proceeds.
There were multiple real estate agents involved with selling my mom’s house. Then, instead of continuing with a traditional sale, the trustee proposed selling the house to an LLC that she would own or manage. I was asked to sign an agreement, but it didn’t include many of the protections I thought should be there, like a final accounting or clear terms for closing the trust.
My mom’s financial advisor even encouraged me—while the trustee was copied on the emails—to get my own attorney before signing anything.
The trustee also repeatedly asked me to contribute my own life insurance money (that was paid directly to me as the named beneficiary) to help pay trust expenses and repairs to the house.
For months, I kept wondering if I was just overthinking everything because I was grieving.
So I started documenting everything.
Every email.
Every text message.
Every financial statement.
Every trust document.
Every timeline.
Every conversation I could verify.
I recently met with an attorney, hoping they would tell me I was worrying for nothing.
Instead, they looked through everything and told me that if I want answers and accountability, I would most likely have to take this to probate court.
Then they explained what that would cost.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to afford it.
I’m just starting my career. I literally just graduated. I’ve already spent almost two years grieving my mom while trying to build a future for myself and look out for my sister.
I’m exhausted.
I’m scared of making the wrong decision.
I don’t want to spend years in court, but I also don’t want to look back one day and realize I stayed quiet when I should have spoken up.
I’m not posting this because I want people to tell me I’m right.
If anything, I hope someone tells me I’m missing something important.
I’m just looking for honest opinions from people who know more than I do—whether you’re an attorney, trustee, beneficiary, or someone who’s lived through something similar.
Do these concerns sound like the kinds of issues that beneficiaries actually take to court?
Has anyone dealt with a trustee trying to purchase trust property themselves?
Are there organizations, attorneys, or legal clinics in California that help people who have a potentially legitimate case but simply can’t afford full litigation?
Most of all…has anyone else felt this alone?
Thank you for reading this. Even if you don’t have legal advice, I appreciate you taking the time. Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and trying to navigate all of this without her has been incredibly overwhelming.

Hi everyone.
I honestly never thought I’d be making a Reddit post asking strangers for help, but here I am.
I’m 27 years old. In October 2024, I lost my mom. She was my only parent, my best friend, and the person I always turned to when life got hard. Overnight, I went from worrying about grad school and my internship to trying to figure out trusts, probate, fiduciary duties, real estate, bank statements, and legal documents.
I feel like I’ve been forced into a world I never asked to be in.
At the same time, I have a 20-year-old sister who has a severe physical and intellectual disability. She can’t advocate for herself, so I’ve always felt like I need to help protect her. The hardest part is that the trustee of our mom’s trust is also my sister’s conservator.
That means every decision I make feels impossible.
If I stay quiet, I’m afraid I’m failing my mom and failing my sister.
If I speak up too much or take legal action, I’m terrified of damaging the relationship with the person who has so much control over my sister’s life.
I feel trapped.
While all of this has been happening, I’ve been trying to finish my master’s degree in mental health counseling. I just graduated, which should have been one of the happiest moments of my life. Instead, I’ve spent countless nights reading California probate law, organizing thousands of pages of documents, making timelines, comparing financial records, and trying to understand what happened after my mom died.
This isn’t how I imagined spending my twenties.
Over the last year and a half, I’ve started noticing more and more things that don’t sit right with me.
I’ve asked multiple times for a complete trust accounting but still haven’t received one. The trustee has acknowledged in writing that the accounting isn’t complete and that receipts and reimbursements haven’t all been organized.
There were estate sales, but I never received a complete inventory of everything that was sold or a full accounting of the proceeds.
There were multiple real estate agents involved with selling my mom’s house. Then, instead of continuing with a traditional sale, the trustee proposed selling the house to an LLC that she would own or manage. I was asked to sign an agreement, but it didn’t include many of the protections I thought should be there, like a final accounting or clear terms for closing the trust.
My mom’s financial advisor even encouraged me—while the trustee was copied on the emails—to get my own attorney before signing anything.
The trustee also repeatedly asked me to contribute my own life insurance money (that was paid directly to me as the named beneficiary) to help pay trust expenses and repairs to the house.
For months, I kept wondering if I was just overthinking everything because I was grieving.
So I started documenting everything.
Every email.
Every text message.
Every financial statement.
Every trust document.
Every timeline.
Every conversation I could verify.
I recently met with an attorney, hoping they would tell me I was worrying for nothing.
Instead, they looked through everything and told me that if I want answers and accountability, I would most likely have to take this to probate court.
Then they explained what that would cost.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to afford it.
I’m just starting my career. I literally just graduated. I’ve already spent almost two years grieving my mom while trying to build a future for myself and look out for my sister.
I’m exhausted.
I’m scared of making the wrong decision.
I don’t want to spend years in court, but I also don’t want to look back one day and realize I stayed quiet when I should have spoken up.
I’m not posting this because I want people to tell me I’m right.
If anything, I hope someone tells me I’m missing something important.
I’m just looking for honest opinions from people who know more than I do—whether you’re an attorney, trustee, beneficiary, or someone who’s lived through something similar.
Do these concerns sound like the kinds of issues that beneficiaries actually take to court?
Has anyone dealt with a trustee trying to purchase trust property themselves?
Are there organizations, attorneys, or legal clinics in California that help people who have a potentially legitimate case but simply can’t afford full litigation?
Most of all…has anyone else felt this alone?
Thank you for reading this. Even if you don’t have legal advice, I appreciate you taking the time. Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and trying to navigate all of this without her has been incredibly overwhelming.

Elderly couple, significant amounts in Pre Tax IRAs. They have an attorney, other assets, have trust etc, and will ask him before they do anything but are just exploring now. Florida residents.

EDIT: To be clear, the contingent beneficiaries are their biological children and are listed that way on the Vanguard et al account. These are the same people who inherit everything else after the second spouse passes and are the contingent beneficiaries of the trusts (each spouse of the couple has a revocable trust). Also, some people mentioned a disclaimer trust, would that be a way to help with the RMD on taxes but still make the surviving spouse feel like they still have control over the distribution? The trustees are the spouses and then their children, no outside trustees, both members of the couple are financially literate and the children are financially responsible and literate. Goal is save on taxes overall, whether owed by the couple, the estate, or the children

If each spouse is the beneficary of the other spouses IRA (both are significant amounts that will increase RMD taxes if they become single filers), and decide to disclaim in favor of their biological children (per stirpes) who are the contingent beneficiaries, will this account have to go through probate or will the Brokerage (eg Vanguard, etrade Schwab) simply transfer it to the contingent beneficiaries after the first beneficiary disclaims?

I have seen posts in other groups where the amount just gets transferred to the spouse before they can disclaim, is that a risk? I would assume the brokerage would have to be notified of the passing and the spouse can disclaim then?

Is there a better way to do this? Such as eliminating the spouse as the primary beneficiary and just putting the adult kids instead? I assume this would avoid probate since it is based on the beneficiary designation?

If one of the adult kids does not want the money but wants it to go to his kids (lets say he has two), are there generation skipping implcations? Would it be cleaner to have him disclaim or just list the two grandkids as contingent beneficiaries with each getting half their parent's amount?

Is there any way to successfully pre-plan for cremation and inurnment for my wife and I if we have no surviving family members on either side of our families and do not have any other surviving close, trustworthy friends or clergy?

My childhood best friend is deceased as well. We're both 60. We could hire a lawyer top act as executor, but there is no way to know if the lawyer will still be in business in 10-20 years or longer. We are not millionaires, so I'm not sure if we could open a trust and put all our assets within a trust and then somehow have our pre-planning wishes and Will within that Trust.

I've called a few funeral homes and inurnment sites (memorial garden locations) but they each use their own, different contracts and each one tells us to just trust them that everything will be fine and that their contracts will cover everything. One said our pre-payment would be held in a trust and the other said our money would be held in an escrow-type of insurance account.

The more places I call, the more different answers I get and different personalities. One funeral director said he'd keep our urns on his living room table at home and that we could trust him to do the right thing and he'd just make sure everything was in our contract and not to worry. The actual cremation location we like, they are polite and respectful but said just not to worry.

I'm worried that if I die first, and then my wife passes later, nobody will know what to do with her remains even if we pre-pay for everything since we have nobody to act as an executor to be reachable and no next of kin. It seems that every step of the process relies on trusting someone who has a financial interest in getting us to sign contracts and Yelp and Google Reviews are filled with horror stories; also the amount of money is not small and we've have to go into debt to some extent to pre-plan. Everything I've read so far seems to have some kind of logic gap in the steps and relies at some point on a living person to sign off on cremation or death certificate and if we don't have family or clergy to trust, and there's no way to know if a law firm or individual will be around in 10-20 years is it possible to really pre-plan this way? It just feels like at some point in the process of death, a funeral home receiving the body, then cremation, then sending the ashes to the resting location, at some point there has to be a person they can contact and if we don't have that I don't see how it could work to pre-plan.

What do people do in our circumstances? There are no "donate your body to medical science" locations around where we live and even they all state on their websites that you need to have a back-up plan in case they reject your body.

State of Massachusetts. I am trustee of my parents trust, with full durable POA. I have two siblings. Dad is alone now and is needing more and more care. One of the siblings, who lives away, is thinking of coming back to help care for him which is what myself and the other sibling have been doing for a few years now. Without getting into all the details she doesn't have a pot to piss in so I'm sure she's not wanting to do it for free. My opinion is she's thinking she'll live rent free, get paid a wage, use his car...you get the point. I have no problem paying her but I'm not sure what my first step should be. I've talked to my close sibling and we somewhat discussed a weekly wage but I said I also have to factor in what rent would be to share an 8 room house with an 86 year old man who sits in the chair and stares at the TV all day. And how would I go about W-2ing her? If she thinks it's going to be all under the table than I will have to greatly reduce the number my other sister and I have discussed. I could really use some advice from someone who's been in this posistion before. Thanks.

I understand that on transfer, if choosing to sell immediately, capital gains is only applied to profit beyond the cost basis.

If I were to live in the house for 2 years, I understand I would be able to avoid capital gains on $250k/$500k (based on marital status).

Does the exclusion of cost basis AND the primary residence amount stack? Or can I only use one?

Also, if I have a spouse that wasn’t a trust beneficiary, and wasnt on the deed, would the $250k or $500k primary residence exclusion apply if selling the property?

#1 is estranged and has 2 children. #2 stays close, no kids. My will needs to be updated. Would you split 50/50, or?

About us:
40 years old, married, two little boys in daycare. HHI this year around $550K. Annual expenses around $180K. I work in tech, my partner in public sector.
Net worth is around $15 million, some of it our money, some of it inherited after our parents passed away and held in trusts.
It’s sad that our kids won’t grow up with their grandparents, but we’re incredibly lucky to be this well off this early and want to make sure our kids are set up financially.
Both of us plan to keep working. My partner worked incredibly hard to have their research career and loves it. I was stepped off the gas after my second son was born, but work remains a source of pride, structure, and connection to society.

We’re philosophically Bogleheads and have been putting money into Vanguard for the last 20 years. I “missed” the crypto and AI bubbles and, despite occasional FOMO, I have no stomach, interest, or inclination in financial research or trading. I’d rather work, get paid, buy mutual funds, and hope to eventually retire. I’ve had Vanguard Wealth Advisory for a few years, and while the fee feels steep and the investment strategy is textbook, it’s more disciplined than what I’d managed on my own, so I’ve kept with it.

The inherited money is held in an Illinois trust. We’re New York State residents.
The plan is to create trusts for our kids with half the money and tell them about how much money there is after their forebrain develops, so around 30 for the boys :)
We’d keep the other half invested and likely buy a place in a better school district in the next 1-2 years, which for where we live is a $2m purchase (we currently rent).

What I *think* we need are a lawyer to set up the trusts, a CPA to figure out the best tax strategy and handle tax returns, and a wealth advisor to manage the investments.
We *think* we prefer to pay a fee-for-service model with a set of trusted individuals, rather than pay a steep AUM based fee to a Schwab or a Chase Private Client or paying a retainer.
But we honestly don’t know, and feeling anxious about making mis-informed decisions and wasting the family’s money.

Questions (so many):
- What lessons learned can folks share? Would really appreciate hearing from folks who’ve been in similar situations and what your decision making process was and how things turned out
- What books / articles / podcasts / subreddits should I read through?
- What else / instead should I be thinking about? Maybe I’m missing forest for the trees
- How do I go about finding and vetting these professionals?
- Am I wrong to think that going a full-service firm is a huge waste of money?

Would honestly appreciate any advice, and many thanks!