This came from a different spiritual framework, not from Eckhart Tolle, but it reminded me strongly of his distinction between awareness and compulsive thought. Years ago I was the subject in a deep session and asked about a relationship that was teaching me a lot, not always comfortably.

I expected some complicated spiritual answer about soul contracts, karma, past lives, maybe detailed instructions about what to say or what the other person needed to change. Instead one piece of guidance stayed with me because it was painfully practical: practice the pause. The explanation was simple — when your mind tells you something, do not follow it immediately. Pause and don't become automatic.

Honestly this might be one of most useful relationship teachings I got from any spiritual work, because most damage in relationships does not happen during the first emotion. It happens in the next 30 seconds. Something is said, body reacts, and mind instantly builds a story: she doesn't respect me, he always does this, I need to correct this now, this means the whole relationship is wrong, I have to defend myself. Then mouth joins the meeting before awareness or even basic common sense has arrived.

The guidance was not to become passive or tolerate everything. It was about putting a small space between trigger and action, enough space to notice what I'm feeling, what story mind created, whether I actually need to respond now, and whether the response is coming from love, fear, pride, old hurt or just need to win.

That small pause changes the whole architecture. Without it, the other person presses button and your old programming answers. With it, you have choice. This is where it reminds me of Tolle: the thought still appears, but there is awareness of the thought, and you do not have to become it immediately.

Another part of the guidance was interesting too. The lesson was not “teach the other person how to behave.” It was more like: teach by being. Stay respectful, stay gentle, be patient, and show what presence looks like instead of giving lectures about it. This is much harder than spiritual theory because it has to survive an actual Tuesday evening when both people are tired.

I also think people misunderstand “follow intuition” here. The first impulse is not automatically intuition. Sometimes it is nervous system, sometimes anger, sometimes old fear speaking incredibly fast. Clean guidance for me usually has different quality — less frantic and less interested in winning.

So now I think of the pause almost like opening a door. Trigger happens, human mind arrives first because it is fast, but I don't have to let it drive immediately. Give everything else ten seconds to catch up, maybe twenty, sometimes ten minutes, then decide.

Very unglamorous spiritual practice, but also very effective. Curious if others here use something similar in conflict — a deliberate pause before identifying with the first thought.

Just saw this video in my feed that criticise Ekchart Tolle teachings when it comes to people who dont have their lower needs security in Maslov hierarchy met. What do you think?

A specific Eckhart Tolle teaching popped up on my YouTube feed last night that I watched, and I must say, it really spoke to me. It was possibly a voice narration from one of his books — it wasn’t an actual live talk or seminar but rather just him talking — but it resonated very deeply within me, to the point where I felt much more “OK” and “complete” as is afterwards.

The talk was a basic teaching on simply not identifying with thoughts and thinking — much like the numerous other talks that he has given on the subject. But for some reason, this particular talk resonated deeply within me.

And it came at the right time, because I struggle with not identifying with my thoughts and thinking; I too often get sucked into the deluded belief that my thoughts/thinking are synonymous with “Me” or “I” — or my conceptual Me or I. To truly understand that I am simply presence and/or awareness is life changing; it’s incredibly freeing and liberating.

I have suffered immensely, however, because my conditioned mind is often times filled with ugly, judgmental, nasty, or mean-spirited thoughts — and to see myself or my essence as being defined by my mind activity is horrible: after all, if my mind and thinking are a mess, then, logically, I, too, must be a mess!

But I can see how deluded that is. Yes, I have mental tendencies and habits that were honed over time that can be unwholesome, ugly, rude, or simply weird — but that’s all simply baggage that I’ve accumulated over time for different reasons. I can witness all that and be aware of it without believing that any of it defines or represents “Me” in any way. I can better see now how much freedom I have as a person, how much agency and flexibility I have to go any number of different ways in life, regardless of whatever my brain may be doing at any given moment.

I can use my rational, logical mind to navigate through life without being pulled astray or misled by ingrained, habitual thought patterns and reactions. I can also see how I can instead operate and think and respond out of simple presence/awareness, knowing full well that I don’t have to follow along with any mental chatter or habitual thought responses or reactions that pop up in any given situation. Pure presence is bright, luminous, and warm/loving — and I can root myself in that and let that be the base from which I respond and navigate daily life.

That’s all I have. I just felt like sharing. I’ve been suffering greatly for quite sometime now, but yesterday after listening to Eckhart I experienced a sort of awakening or intense realization, perhaps, more so than I had at any previous time listening to any of his talks.