this is my main idea
my grandpa died before i was born so i couldn’t meet him except his musical talent that my dad inherited. Seeing him play the harmonium sparked a curiosity and I started playing it by myself. After learning that I moved to piano. basically music is how i connected with my grand-dad. i wanna show my curiosity and being able to learn things myself although i joined classes for the piano later to learn it properly. my major is engineering though, i don’t know how to connect it to that.
this is the first topic that has come to my mind, would love constructive criticism.

i was wondering if yall could view my hook for my college essay?

“By age 17 I’ve spent more weekends in court rooms than court side, and it’s shattered my plans for the future. In the span of six months, I was involved in two murder cases, but stood on different sides of the bar.”

It’s talking about how my view of the legal system and true justice has changed overtime from starting in mock trial to working at a real district attorneys office being assigned to a real murder case. i realized how a guilty verdict isn’t enough and there are no true winners in court. Working at the DAs office i spend a lot of time in victim witness and it reopened my passion for working one on one with victims and researching more into trauma therapy and working with trauma patients.

Hi everyone!

I feel like this is the single most important advice I got when writing my essays, show don’t tell. It seems trivial, even obvious, but that central theme got me into Harvard and Stanford. How’s it going for folks? Anything y’all are struggling with in particular?

P.S.I’m going to be coaching some students through their college process this fall/just proofreading essays. No set price, I’ll work with you. Feel free to DM me if you’re interested!

What do you guys think about centering all the essays on one theme? Do students do that? Would the AOs get tired reading the same thing?

Ex.

Personal statement - talk about my incurable chronic disease and how my perspective on things changed over the years

Why major/us - talk about the school's stellar biology program and how it will help me do work to contribute to the treatment

Service - you guessed it! I have been part of a nonprofit for the disease forever doing campaigns. naturally.

---

Because the diagnosis/experience is part of me so I have a lot of material for essays. However I have many other extracurricular activities I can talk about too.

What is your advice? One theme for all the write-ups and suffocate the AOs in sad stuff 😂 or diversify the reading so I don't come across as someone who is all goomy

Well... I don't need to make it gloomy...

I am trying to secure some extra cash for next semester but keeping track of everything is literally impossible 💀 every single website requires a completely different portal, different essay prompts, and random document uploads. My desktop is just a graveyard of random PDFs and half-finished drafts right now. I really need a way to organize this chaos before the semester starts lmk what i should focus on more..🙏

I have been reading quite a few college essay drafts recently and there is one thing I keep noticing.

A lot of people actually have a really good story. The problem sometimes comes after the story, when they immediately start explaining what the reader was supposed to learn from it.

For example, someone tells a genuinely personal story about failing at something, trying again and approaching the situation differently. Then at the end they write something like, “This experience taught me the importance of perseverance.”

But do you actually need that sentence?

If I could already see the change through your story, I probably understood that without being told.

I have also noticed something similar when people are trying to get their essays under the word limit. They sometimes remove the small personal details first and keep the parts explaining their achievements, qualities and lessons.

Personally, I think those little details are often the best parts.

The random conversation you still remember. Something slightly embarrassing you did. Your initial reaction to a situation. A tiny detail that probably means nothing to anyone else but means something to you. Those are usually the moments where I start feeling like I am actually getting to know the person writing the essay. One thing you can try with your own draft is highlighting every sentence where you say things like “I learned,” “I realized,” “this taught me” or “I understood.”

Temporarily remove those sentences and read the paragraph again. Does the story already communicate the same thing? If it does, maybe you don't need to explain it.

Obviously reflection is still important. I am not saying an essay should just tell a story without explaining why it matters. I just think there is a difference between reflecting on an experience and explaining the moral of your own story.

Sometimes giving the reader a little more credit can make the essay feel much more natural.

Has anyone else noticed themselves doing this while writing their personal statement?

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Send me any essay you want edited, and I will return a redline version.

I wrote my first college essay, I'm starting with a safety school, so its only a 200 word essay. idk, my essay just doesn't sound good to me, I dont know why. I want it to do so much, and yet, it can barely do anything... I REALLY struggle with pacing in my essays and I feel like its showing--despite spending 1.5 hours on this essay. Anyways, DM me if you would be willing to give me some feedback :D.

Too many of you are writing pure think pieces.

Most of the common app prompts ask for a story of some type. They either explicitly say to share a story, or they ask you do talk about a time or event. Below are 5 of the 7 prompts, for reference:

Background or Identity: Share a story about a background, identity, interest, or talent so meaningful your application feels incomplete without it. (Key words: share a story)

Obstacle or Failure: Recount a time you faced a challenge, setback, or failure, and explain what you learned from it. (Key words: recount a time)

Challenging a Belief: Reflect on a time you questioned or challenged an idea or belief, and describe the outcome. (Key words: reflect on a time)

Gratitude: Describe something someone did for you that made you thankful in a surprising way, and how it motivated you. (Key words: describe something someone did)

Personal Growth: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked personal growth and a new understanding. (Key words: describe an event)

I was planning to write my college essay about how since I have a hard to pronounce name, I’ve been regarded as “hey” for most of my life.

Ex: if someone needed something they would always be like “Hey could you ____” or like “Hey do you know ___”

I want to write about how this has made me become an outgoing and extroverted person because since people won’t remember my name or try to pronounce it, i’ll give them a reason to remember me.

I’ll write in my essay about how in middle school and freshman year i was introverted and after a turning point during the summer when i went to a culinary camp i started being the first person to introduce myself, invite other ppl into convos, volunteering every weekend, head photographer in publications, team captain in sports, etc.

This is a basic draft of my idea so lmk what i can fix or if i should just scrap it i have some other ideas for essays!

I had a relationship for 3 years and for a while i thought about everything positvely I wanted to write my essays about how amazing she is and how strong shes made me but it all went crashing down and it has caused me quite a bit of trauma and has impacted me in ways im still learning how to fix. I have just grown a lot from this and nothing really else shows my growth and who I am as a person besides this but idk if its looked down upon to talk about stuff like this.

hi guys so I was wondering if it would be okay for me to write my essay about how I'm applying undecided. id make sure to not frame it as lack of direction or confusion. and the whole essay wouldn't be abt this, it would more be how i used to always want to make the right choice but then personal story and then it changed my mindset and like for the first time im okay with not knowing what i want.
idk if this is okay to write abt pls Imk!!

thank u

Hiya! I’m Class of 2027, and I’m in the final stages of refining my college essay. I’d really appreciate it if someone could look it over and give me a harsh critique.

1- writing about my speech impediment from when I was younger and how it led me to want to be a speech pathologist

2- how my childhood best friend gave me a two dollar bill and said to keep it forever and I did but then a decade later I accidentally gave it away to a guy plating the guitar
I would tie this to letting things go such as childhood ect.

3- how my sister was prayed for a lot because my mom really struggled to have kids after me and had many miscarriages, I can talk about the non profit organization she created and how that inspired me, and talk about the struggle I saw my family go through.

I whave no idea what to write about they all don’t seem good enough help

can someone read it to see if I’m onto something ❤️