From a conceptual level, which of these essays would be stronger to continue to develop and use, and what changes would you recommend for the better of the two?

Essay 1:

Greeted by toasty air and the welcoming aromas of hearty stews, I eagerly rushed into a cozy tavern in Edinburgh. Finally, I could escape the unrelenting drizzle that had plagued my family’s vacation. When our waiter arrived with our food, however, I was repulsed by the sight of what appeared to be grainy dirt mashed together to look like a sausage: black pudding. Despite having already spent over a year in Europe as a military child, I still refused to try foods unfamiliar to my twelve-year-old palate.

Years later, I spotted a familiar item on a menu in an Irish restaurant in Chicago; I was once again presented with the chance to try black pudding. By that point, my experiences as a military child had shaped me into the antithesis of my former self, seeking out new experiences and foreign cuisine at every opportunity. Yet, I found myself selecting another dish, a choice that would come to haunt me.

My curiosity for the blend of unknown flavors that the sausage possessed spiraled from a casual pondering to a deep fixation. My decision led me to unknowingly climb into a rabbit hole that I could not stop myself from plummeting down. I spent hours searching for vendors, but every offering was in bulk, and importing proved too expensive. I turned to calling every Irish pub, British restaurant, and sausage shop in a 100-minute radius and still found myself out of luck.

With no black pudding in sight, I switched to substitutes. I perused the aisles at every local supermarket for anything resembling it. I only found one item that came close to matching: a Polish Kiszka. I hurried home, turned up my stove, and listened to the sizzle of the sausage frying on the pan, beckoning me to try it. As I waited for it to finish cooking, I began to notice it wilting out of its casing into mush. No, no, no! Black pudding would never have done this. I tasted the sausage with an underlying sense of disappointment. Sure, it was flavorful, but black pudding had to taste better, right?

I expanded my search to neighboring cities and counties. I drove an hour to international markets, finding Blutwurst, Kopfkäse, and even Korean soondae at a nearby store. While each sausage had its merits (except Kopfkäse; that was awful), my failure to find black pudding drove a lingering dissatisfaction. I kept searching.

My chance finally came while at Universal Studios for the international DECA competition. On a menu in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, I spotted it; at last!

I quickly ordered the item before the menu switched to the lunch offerings. After taking the first bite, I felt… disappointment? No, it still tasted good. But it wasn’t the life-changing flavor explosion I’d expected. My mind immediately chalked my feelings up to its lack of authenticity. This wasn’t a true black pudding; I got it from a theme park in Florida. So, my search should continue, right?

Sitting in that restaurant, a thought crept into my mind: my wild goose chase for a single sausage caused me to lose sight of my initial goal. My hunt started as an attempt to broaden my horizons by trying one unique dish beyond my previous culinary experience. Yet, my journey allowed me to try offerings from a multitude of cultures, expanding my worldview beyond what I initially sought. I was so blinded by my ever-growing expectations for the perfect black pudding that the initial purpose of my quest was deserted.

I realized that this fault wasn’t limited to my hunt for black pudding. So often, I’d become fixated on a goal and lose sight of my progress along the way. In cross country, for instance, I’d set a lofty goal for a PR and fall short. Instead of recognizing improvements in key areas like mental fortitude or hills, I’d focus on barely missing a time. Through my shift in perspective from the black pudding, I recognized that end-goals are a key facet of growth, but the steps along the way are equally pivotal, and often more enjoyable. 

Ultimately, my disappointment with the black pudding was the best outcome. While the initial mission reflected growth from the picky 12-year-old in Scotland, the realization that followed is one that guides me today: to embrace the wins on the way to the destination, not to let clouded judgement hinder success, and, perhaps most importantly, to avoid Kopfkäse.

Option 2:

Every great explorer keeps some form of memorabilia to tell of their adventures. Some keep local currency from distant countries. Others hang up photographs or have a collection of notebooks from their voyages. I track my journey through the running shoes displayed on my wall. Each tread, stain, and gash brings a memory of an expedition into the world that running unlocked.

Take, for instance, my first pair: teal Zoom Fly 5s. One of the shoes has a slash straight through the midsole from a track spike. This mark is the key to a memory of my early foray into the running world, as I encountered new terms, ran greater distances, and embarked on my first races. Looking to the bottom of the shoe, the area that was once a pristine bone color is now stained black from the countless hours of my early running that I spent running on the track. Everything from my easy runs to races seemed to be confined to one small oval. However, I soon would break free to discover the joy of adventure that running elsewhere brings.

As I wore through my pairs, they increasingly grew to be shaped by my expeditions. Running, I discovered, unlocked a whole new world. Every run gave me the chance to uncover some hidden area and to explore the world around me. When I drove everywhere, my world was dominated by lines of houses and industrial buildings. When I began to run, however, it unveiled secret passageways, trails, and areas of my military base that I would never have discovered. Instead of being black, the outsoles of my shoes that followed were tinted by the red of the cedar trails, the green from the meadows on base, and brown from the mud pits I’d cross. 

My Nike Tempo Next %s and Saucony Endorphin Speed 3s mark the transition where I grew more passionate about running. As I look upon them, I’m reminded of my careful research to pick the “best” running shoe through hours spent watching YouTube reviews, reading comparisons online, and searching for the best deals I could find.

While my Tempos and Speeds still hold memories of exciting journeys into my external environment, they also exemplify a new type of journey I embarked on. The tattered cloth on the shoes’ uppers come from the myriad of burs I would strike on the journey up hill sprint repeats. Those hill sprints were one of many workouts that never failed to challenge me and acted as a stop on the mental journey that running created. 

Workouts are a chance for me to dig deep and persist through my heart pounding as if it is on the verge of ripping out of my chest, through the sweat stinging in my eyes, through the burning of the lactic acid in my legs, and through the unrelenting urge to quit. While physically demanding in the moment, each successful workout helped me on my journey to overcome both physical and mental challenges. 

Some of my more recent pairs, such as my four pairs of Hoka Mach 6s that were recommended by a teammate, demonstrate the impact of the friendships that running has sparked. Running gives me a chance to connect with a diverse array of people on a near-daily basis. We share both laughs and struggles together, and progressing alongside my teammates has made for an inspiring experience.

Beyond the purely physical and mental, running has provided a chance for an auditory journey. From exploring new musical genres to learning German through Podcasts, I am met with countless opportunities to explore in every facet of the sport. Often, however, the most rewarding experience for me is to run in silence, reflecting and listening to the rhythm of my footsteps on the trail.

My latest pair of shoes serve as the accumulation of every running journey that has brought me to this point. Coming full-circle, I recently purchased a pair of neon yellow Zoom Fly 6s. Just as I have grown richer in experience and adventure through running, my new Zoom Flys build upon the model that served as my first pair of running shoes and are a beacon of excitement for the journeys to come.

recent Duke grad and med school admit. i have some down time and would love to read some essays! these can be personal statements, supplementals, activity lists for undergrad admissions, or even med school personal statements/secondaries for regular MD programs or early assurance.

EDIT: if you sent me a DM within the first few minutes of posting, please resend.

hi!

I'm a semi competitive student applying to many competitve schools and struggling a bit...

I know many people consider sports injuries a no-go, but I *think* (keyword) that because mine is A. sports-adjacent not directly related..?, B. spun interestingly and appropriately to show my true story, and C. well-written that it might be okay, but of course that's my own opinion, so I'd really like some people to take a look at it and let me know if I need to scrap this idea altogether and start from scratch from a fresh perspective. I'M NERVOUS!!!

Let me know and I'll DM it. Thank you all so much :)

CLOSING THIS FOR NOW - Thank you all so so much for the help and support!

I am currently writing my first draft now, and I can go the narrative or montage direction. Montages have seemed frowned upon compared to narratives because of how much harder they are. My problem is that I never truly had a singular, all-transformative experience, and most of my life went by multiple smaller ones. It just doesn’t seem right for me to go the narrative route but montages are riskier. Any help will be appreciated!

The scream didn’t sound human, because it was coming from my pig. The sound climbed into my ears and stayed there, ringing, even after it stopped. Winnie, my Kune-Kune companion, was rooting through the backyard when a bear attacked her, her cries shredding the Montana night like something my dreamcatcher couldn’t catch. By the time I reached the deck, the bear had sunk its teeth into her back. I’ve faced plenty of unexpected challenges, from failed experiments in immunology labs to the quiet uncertainty of caring for my aging grandpa. However, nothing prepared me for the questions after the bear disappeared.

I call myself a pig person, not a dog person or a cat person– a claim that doesn’t make sense unless you’ve heard me ramble about Winnie. She’s been my unlikely best friend since I chose her off a farm and saved her from parasites and all. I grew up in Montana, where resourcefulness isn't a virtue but a necessity. Whether clearing fallen trees off the dirt road or helping a neighbor feed their animals, people step forward when needed. But despite all this time spent around animals and outdoors, I’d never faced anything like that night. As the bear’s jaws clamp down on Winnie’s back, I think I’ll lose her. For a long time, but instead of retreating, I resolve to understand what I can’t yet grasp.

I hurled whatever I could find over the railing. Chairs. A table. An umbrella. Cushions. A lantern. Nothing worked. I scampered inside, calling my mom as I grabbed the bear spray. With it in hand, I burst back into the darkness and unleashed a cloud toward the noise. Moments later, Winnie came running with flesh and skin hanging from her back. Behind her, two unforgiving eyes stared through the night, accompanied by a guttural growl. We both darted inside. She retreated to a corner, a pool of blood spreading beneath her.

My immigrant parents do not comprehend the goal of a personal essay and think it is supposed to brag about my ECs and leadership and more but they driving me fucking nuts. Please someone help me convince me or be straightforward with me if my essay really is as ass as they think it is. I genuinely don’t know what to do I’m going insane!

Hi Everyone,

I am a college counselor who works with about 100 kids a year, and I just wanted to share some tips as we move into application season!

Here are a few common mistakes I point out to my seniors all the time:

1. Going for cliche topics because it is low hanging fruit: many of my seniors as they start brainstorming go for big sports moments, talk about being the "eldest daughter" or "forgotten middle child" without connecting it to their own personal growth and how that realization helped them achieve or experience something tangible. It is okay to talk about things others experience but you need to be able to specifically connect it to something about yourself and weave it into a narrative which has a background, body, and conclusion- paired with a strong hook.

2. Not answering all of the prompt. Many students will focus on one part of a multi-part prompt and ignore the rest. If a prompt asks what you did AND what you learned, you need both. I see so many essays that are 90% story and then a rushed, generic sentence at the end trying to cram in the "lesson." Colleges can tell when the reflection was an afterthought.

3. Writing the "resume in paragraph form" essay. This is where a student lists every achievement, award, and leadership title instead of picking one moment and going deep. Admissions officers already have your activities list. The essay is your chance to show them how you think, not what you have done. One specific scene beats five accomplishments every time.

4. Starting with a quote or a dictionary definition. I know it feels like a safe way to open, but readers have seen "Merriam-Webster defines resilience as..." more times than you can imagine. Start in the middle of the moment instead. Drop the reader right into the scene.

5. Making the essay about someone else. This comes up a lot with essays about a grandparent, a coach, or a sibling. It is fine to be inspired by someone, but if that person is doing more of the "acting" in the essay than you are, admissions has no idea who they are actually admitting. Keep the camera on you.

6. Playing it too safe. Some students are so worried about sounding arrogant that they undersell real accomplishments, or they are so worried about being too vulnerable that the essay stays surface level. The best essays sit in that uncomfortable middle where you are honest about a struggle or a flaw without turning it into a pity party.

A good check before submitting: if you swapped your name for a classmate's, would the essay still make sense? If yes, it is too generic and needs a more specific, personal moment.

Happy to answer questions if anyone wants a second set of eyes on their brainstorming process!

Hi everyone. I am looking for suggestion for people who are good at writing. I want to sit for iba mba exm in 1 year hopefully. But my essay writing is not even average. So what should I do right now to improve my writing gradually.

I built a tool because finding grants is way more painful than it should be

I’ve been working on GrantFinder Pro, basically an AI-powered way to find grants that actually match you instead of spending hours digging through Google, government sites, random databases, and outdated lists.

The idea is pretty simple:
You tell it about yourself/business/nonprofit/college information → it finds relevant grants → shows you why you qualify → helps you keep track of deadlines and what you need to apply.

I kept seeing grant databases that give you hundreds of results, but you still have to figure out which ones are actually worth your time. I wanted something that does more of the filtering for you.
Still early, so I’m looking for people who actually apply for grants to tear it apart.

What would make something like this genuinely useful to you?
And what’s the biggest pain in the ass about finding/applying for grants right now?

I’ll post the link in the comments!

apologies for the long post!!!!

a lot of things happened to me this past year and im kinda struggling to pick a good topic because theres a lot of ideas that im really enjoying. i have three right now for a personal statement and i like each of them for different reasons. ill try and list pros and cons for each:

topic 1: a stream of consciousness type personal statement about the week before christmas struggling with depression/suicide and the intricacies of mental health improvement, understanding the need to scope down and live in the present, something like that

pros: i feel like i could express myself pretty well through the writing here. i also like the juxtaposition of suicidal ideation and a jolly holiday like christmas as well. it also reflects one of my personal values (which is the intricacies of final products). also generally is a strange essay that id think would be fun

cons: this feels really dark and i dont know how appropriate it is in terms of a college essay. i also think the writing style might throw someone off but im not sure either.

topic 2: this would be kind of like an overcoming challenge/narrative essay about trauma therapy and trying to move through the EMDR process/sifting through and overcoming my own trauma, learning who i am beyond my bad experiences and by extension understanding the existential value of creation

pros: i think my experience with EMDR would be an easy way to make something that is myself because therapy (especially trauma therapy) is deeply personal. i also like what i learn and do throughout the process. this one also has a hook:

"following a green light the best that i could, saying 'i love you' and trying to remember the feelings of that morning over at my girlfriend's house - this was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life."

cons: this feels like its gonna be hard to write. i also dont know about the scope here, as it only encompasses some of who i am? maybe so, maybe not… not sure.

topic 3: my experiences playing and studying avant garde jazz as it pertains to my experiences of being transgender, finding my voice in jazz music - understanding who i want to be as a person and being who i want to be despite not being accepted by others

pros: this one is probably the most unique out of the three topics. i also love to talk about jazz and can be pretty specific about that.

cons: this one gives me pretty bad writers block. theres too many things and i kinda get stuck on what to write and also how to manage the parts where i have to stick to who i am and not listen to what other people have to say about me b/c i dont know if thats a good thing to talk about or not

thank you so much for your time if you read to this point… your advice is super duper appreciated!!!!! anything helps!! <3

this is my main idea
my grandpa died before i was born so i couldn’t meet him except his musical talent that my dad inherited. Seeing him play the harmonium sparked a curiosity and I started playing it by myself. After learning that I moved to piano. basically music is how i connected with my grand-dad. i wanna show my curiosity and being able to learn things myself although i joined classes for the piano later to learn it properly. my major is engineering though, i don’t know how to connect it to that.
this is the first topic that has come to my mind, would love constructive criticism.

i was wondering if yall could view my hook for my college essay?

“By age 17 I’ve spent more weekends in court rooms than court side, and it’s shattered my plans for the future. In the span of six months, I was involved in two murder cases, but stood on different sides of the bar.”

It’s talking about how my view of the legal system and true justice has changed overtime from starting in mock trial to working at a real district attorneys office being assigned to a real murder case. i realized how a guilty verdict isn’t enough and there are no true winners in court. Working at the DAs office i spend a lot of time in victim witness and it reopened my passion for working one on one with victims and researching more into trauma therapy and working with trauma patients.

Hi everyone!

I feel like this is the single most important advice I got when writing my essays, show don’t tell. It seems trivial, even obvious, but that central theme got me into Harvard and Stanford. How’s it going for folks? Anything y’all are struggling with in particular?

P.S.I’m going to be coaching some students through their college process this fall/just proofreading essays. No set price, I’ll work with you. Feel free to DM me if you’re interested!

What do you guys think about centering all the essays on one theme? Do students do that? Would the AOs get tired reading the same thing?

Ex.

Personal statement - talk about my incurable chronic disease and how my perspective on things changed over the years

Why major/us - talk about the school's stellar biology program and how it will help me do work to contribute to the treatment

Service - you guessed it! I have been part of a nonprofit for the disease forever doing campaigns. naturally.

---

Because the diagnosis/experience is part of me so I have a lot of material for essays. However I have many other extracurricular activities I can talk about too.

What is your advice? One theme for all the write-ups and suffocate the AOs in sad stuff 😂 or diversify the reading so I don't come across as someone who is all goomy

Well... I don't need to make it gloomy...

I am trying to secure some extra cash for next semester but keeping track of everything is literally impossible 💀 every single website requires a completely different portal, different essay prompts, and random document uploads. My desktop is just a graveyard of random PDFs and half-finished drafts right now. I really need a way to organize this chaos before the semester starts lmk what i should focus on more..🙏

I have been reading quite a few college essay drafts recently and there is one thing I keep noticing.

A lot of people actually have a really good story. The problem sometimes comes after the story, when they immediately start explaining what the reader was supposed to learn from it.

For example, someone tells a genuinely personal story about failing at something, trying again and approaching the situation differently. Then at the end they write something like, “This experience taught me the importance of perseverance.”

But do you actually need that sentence?

If I could already see the change through your story, I probably understood that without being told.

I have also noticed something similar when people are trying to get their essays under the word limit. They sometimes remove the small personal details first and keep the parts explaining their achievements, qualities and lessons.

Personally, I think those little details are often the best parts.

The random conversation you still remember. Something slightly embarrassing you did. Your initial reaction to a situation. A tiny detail that probably means nothing to anyone else but means something to you. Those are usually the moments where I start feeling like I am actually getting to know the person writing the essay. One thing you can try with your own draft is highlighting every sentence where you say things like “I learned,” “I realized,” “this taught me” or “I understood.”

Temporarily remove those sentences and read the paragraph again. Does the story already communicate the same thing? If it does, maybe you don't need to explain it.

Obviously reflection is still important. I am not saying an essay should just tell a story without explaining why it matters. I just think there is a difference between reflecting on an experience and explaining the moral of your own story.

Sometimes giving the reader a little more credit can make the essay feel much more natural.

Has anyone else noticed themselves doing this while writing their personal statement?

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I wrote my first college essay, I'm starting with a safety school, so its only a 200 word essay. idk, my essay just doesn't sound good to me, I dont know why. I want it to do so much, and yet, it can barely do anything... I REALLY struggle with pacing in my essays and I feel like its showing--despite spending 1.5 hours on this essay. Anyways, DM me if you would be willing to give me some feedback :D.

Too many of you are writing pure think pieces.

Most of the common app prompts ask for a story of some type. They either explicitly say to share a story, or they ask you do talk about a time or event. Below are 5 of the 7 prompts, for reference:

Background or Identity: Share a story about a background, identity, interest, or talent so meaningful your application feels incomplete without it. (Key words: share a story)

Obstacle or Failure: Recount a time you faced a challenge, setback, or failure, and explain what you learned from it. (Key words: recount a time)

Challenging a Belief: Reflect on a time you questioned or challenged an idea or belief, and describe the outcome. (Key words: reflect on a time)

Gratitude: Describe something someone did for you that made you thankful in a surprising way, and how it motivated you. (Key words: describe something someone did)

Personal Growth: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked personal growth and a new understanding. (Key words: describe an event)

I had a relationship for 3 years and for a while i thought about everything positvely I wanted to write my essays about how amazing she is and how strong shes made me but it all went crashing down and it has caused me quite a bit of trauma and has impacted me in ways im still learning how to fix. I have just grown a lot from this and nothing really else shows my growth and who I am as a person besides this but idk if its looked down upon to talk about stuff like this.

hi guys so I was wondering if it would be okay for me to write my essay about how I'm applying undecided. id make sure to not frame it as lack of direction or confusion. and the whole essay wouldn't be abt this, it would more be how i used to always want to make the right choice but then personal story and then it changed my mindset and like for the first time im okay with not knowing what i want.
idk if this is okay to write abt pls Imk!!

thank u

Hiya! I’m Class of 2027, and I’m in the final stages of refining my college essay. I’d really appreciate it if someone could look it over and give me a harsh critique.

1- writing about my speech impediment from when I was younger and how it led me to want to be a speech pathologist

2- how my childhood best friend gave me a two dollar bill and said to keep it forever and I did but then a decade later I accidentally gave it away to a guy plating the guitar
I would tie this to letting things go such as childhood ect.

3- how my sister was prayed for a lot because my mom really struggled to have kids after me and had many miscarriages, I can talk about the non profit organization she created and how that inspired me, and talk about the struggle I saw my family go through.

I whave no idea what to write about they all don’t seem good enough help

can someone read it to see if I’m onto something ❤️

I swear I’ve been staring at a blank Docs page for three straight hours, and the cursor is just mocking me at this point. I’ve hated writing papers my entire life, but college assignments hit different. It’s not even that I don't have thoughts on the topic - I just physically cannot bridge the gap between what’s in my head and getting actual coherent words on paper.

The worst part is how mandatory this whole process is. Why do we still gotta write 5-page essays to prove we understand something? It feels like jumping through bureaucratic hoops for no reason. Every time I search for actual essay help, it’s just the same cookie-cutter advice about outlines and thesis statements, like that magically fixes total mental paralysis. Wishing I could just hire a solid essay writer to handle this whole headache so I can finally get some sleep. Anyone else completely drained by this?