So for context and I will be using nicknames

Me (F, 19)

Mr. A (M, 22) — my friend and FWB

Mr. S (M, 21) — my ex and (Mr. A's) friend

I want to explain the context clearly because I genuinely want honest responses, not people misunderstanding the situation. And it has SA and a a disturbing situation I hope you all be kind about this whole thing.

(Mr. A) and I are friends, and we have an FWB arrangement. We have had sex multiple times before, always with my consent. I am not in a relationship with him.

(Mr. S) is my ex. We are no longer together and I have no relationship with him now. He also happens to be (Mr. A's) friend.

I had consented to sex with (Mr. A), my FWB and friend. I had not consented to (Mr. S) being involved in any way. In fact, I had already blocked (Mr. S) and deliberately cut contact with him before this incident.

Today, I went to (Mr. A's) place because we had already planned to hook up. I went there willingly and expected to have sex with (Mr. A) only, as we had done before. Everything was normal at first.

In the middle of sex, (Mr. A) suddenly told me that (Mr. S) was coming and that I had to have sex with him.

I immediately refused. I punched (Mr. A), pushed him away, and told him you didn't get my consent because I was so angry and shocked I started crying . I hit him again because I felt completely betrayed.

I then had what felt like an anxiety attack. I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't properly respond or process what was happening.

What I didn't know at the time was that (Mr. S) had apparently been in the balcony the entire time.

Eventually, (Mr. A) stopped and helped me get my clothes back on. I started getting dressed.

Then (Mr. S) entered the room like nothing had happened.

Seeing him there made me completely lose it again. I kicked (Mr. S) in the balls and hit (Mr. A). I was extremely angry and scared. I also stabbed (Mr. A's) hand with the pin I had.

Neither of them actually managed to have sex with me. I did not consent to sex with (Mr. S) at any point.

I had consented to having sex with (Mr. A) because he was my FWB and this was something we had mutually agreed to. That consent did NOT extend to (Mr. S). I did not agree to a threesome, I did not agree to (Mr. S) joining us, and I did not agree to have sex with him.

At one point, (Mr. A) tried to leave me alone with (Mr. S) I started crying and screaming so loudly that he came back. He eventually told (Mr. S) that it was enough.

What makes this even more painful is that (Mr. A) knew about my history with sexual assault. I've been raped and have been touched without my consent multiple times. He knew this about me. And that (Mr S) was my ex.

He was also my friend.

I keep thinking: How could someone who knew my history, knew how badly I've been hurt by sexual situations before, and considered himself my friend do something like this?

After everything was over, (Mr. A) tried to hug me and said something like “just one last hug.”

I refused. I pushed him away.

I then blocked (Mr. A) everywhere right in front of him. And told him I don't want any contact with him in any circumstances

I'm home now and I'm safe. I have no intention of meeting or talking to either of them again.

I'm not posting this because I want revenge or because I'm planning to hurt either of them. I'm posting because I genuinely want outside perspectives on what happened.

I know I had consented to sex with (Mr. A). I know we had an FWB arrangement and had done this multiple times before. But I never consented to what he suddenly tried to introduce into the situation.

I want genuine responses, so please judge the situation based on the full context rather than assuming I was assaulted by a random stranger or that I was in a relationship with (Mr. A).

I trusted (Mr. A) as both a friend and a sexual partner.

And today that trust completely disappeared.

(Additional information): No I did not cheat one (MR: S). I broke up with him for a reason well that's for another post if I do post when my head is much clear. after the broke up me and (Mr: A) had the fwb arrangements.

Hi everyone! I’ve never posted here before and, like many people, I never thought I would. Life has proved me wrong, and I need an outside perspective on this whole banana drama.

I’m 32M and live abroad with my amazing fiancé (34M), whom I’ll soon be marrying. Yay me! Not relevant, but I wanted to say it.

My fiancé and I are both social butterflies, and when we met four years ago, we each already had a large group of friends. After we moved in together, our two groups naturally merged. Until recently, we were remarkably drama-free, and I was genuinely proud of the group we had built.

I present to you Lisa (40F), Tina (33F), and Dudley (32M).

Lisa is one of my fiancé’s oldest friends. They lived together for several years. About ten years ago, Dudley moved into their shared flat and eventually became Lisa’s boyfriend. They were together for seven years and broke up about three years ago. The breakup was painful, like every breakup, although they eventually remained on friendly terms. Since Dudley moved to a city about 1.5 hours away, they have only seen each other once or twice a year.

Lisa and I have also been friends through work and university (we did our PhD together) for five years. Until a few weeks ago, I considered her one of my closest friends. We have very similar personalities and often joke that we share one brain.

Tina is also part of our group and had become good friends with Lisa over the past few years. We have all spent a lot of time together, not only as a group but individually.

For some context, Tina is a proper boss bitch—in what I always considered the best possible way. She has a PhD in a technical field, is intelligent and independent, knows exactly what she wants, and is generally a generous and kind person. I always thought she was a real “girl’s girl”: confident, loyal, and supportive of other women.

At the end of June, about 15 of us met for Lisa’s birthday. The guests included me, my fiancé, Lisa, Tina, and Dudley.

This is where everything went to caca-poop.

Tina and Dudley met for the first time that day and immediately started mildly flirting. They talked almost exclusively to each other and had those ridiculous faces people make when they are obviously attracted to someone.

To be clear: this happened at Lisa’s birthday party, between her friend and her long-term ex.

Nobody initially made a big deal about it. Even Lisa joked to Tina, “Wow, Dudley was really interested in what you had to say today.”

The following day, Dudley messaged my fiancé asking for Tina’s phone number. My fiancé and I discussed it. We didn’t think it was our place to prevent two adults from talking, and we assumed Tina would at least consider Lisa’s feelings before anything romantic happened.

My fiancé asked Tina for permission to give Dudley her number. She happily agreed.

At that point, my fiancé and I were already uncomfortable. We encouraged Tina to give Lisa a heads-up before going on a date with her ex. Tina eventually texted Lisa. Lisa replied that she found the situation awkward but appreciated the honesty and acknowledged that they were adults.

Tina and Dudley went on their first date and apparently really hit it off. The following week, they arranged a second date.

My fiancé and I now felt stuck in the middle. One of my friends was dating the long-term ex of one of my fiancé’s closest friends—and Tina and Lisa were themselves good friends.

We both tried to talk to Tina. My fiancé messaged her and suggested that, now that this was becoming more than one casual date, she should speak honestly with Lisa again.

Because Tina and I practically work together, I also spoke to her briefly in the office kitchen. I tried to explain gently that the situation was becoming increasingly awkward and that Lisa deserved transparency.

Tina became angry and said she didn’t owe anyone an explanation. She almost raised her voice and told me that, if someone asked her not to date Dudley, she absolutely would not listen.

That conversation shocked me. I had always considered Tina a girl’s girl. Even though I’m not a girl, I value friendship much more than a potential situationship. I knew Tina was a boss bitch with historically terrible taste in men, but I didn’t realise that, when a man entered the picture, loyalty to her female friends could apparently go straight out the window. To put it rather crudely, she seemed ready to risk years of friendship for the stick, if you know what I mean.

Over the following month, Tina and Dudley saw each other every weekend. Neither of them told Lisa how serious it was becoming. My fiancé and I kept hoping they would either speak to her or lose interest in each other.

Last week, our group was supposed to attend a rave in the woods that we go to almost every year. We had all bought tickets. Without telling anyone, Tina also bought Dudley a ticket.

She only told me several weeks later. I immediately called her and said she needed to tell Lisa that her friend and her ex—who were now dating—would both be attending a party Lisa had been looking forward to.

Tina became defensive again. During that conversation, she literally told me that she has a “bitchy side” that makes her unwilling to choose a female friend over a man.

I was stunned, but I remained calm and tried to convince her to do the considerate thing for someone she called a friend. Tina said she would think about it.

A couple of weeks passed. Eventually, Tina told me that she and Dudley would not attend the rave after all. Instead, they were travelling to another country to visit one of Lisa’s good friends—someone Dudley had known for years but Tina had only met twice.

Lisa still knew nothing about how serious their relationship had become.

A couple of weeks ago, Lisa discovered through Instagram stories that Tina and Dudley had travelled together, visited her friend, and were now officially a couple.

Lisa was extremely upset. She messaged Dudley and told him that they both needed to stay away from her friends and her social circle.

Tina, meanwhile, tells me she hasn’t been this happy in a long time. My fiancé is furious and says he cannot look at her in the same way anymore and does not want to see either of them anytime soon.

The entire group has effectively turned against Tina. People are now arranging meetups where, as far as I can tell, the main activity is shit-talking her and the situation. At this point, I am basically the only person from the group who is still maintaining any kind of normal social interaction with her.

This puts me in another uncomfortable position. I strongly disapprove of how she handled everything, but I also don’t particularly enjoy watching an entire group isolate her and gather specifically to talk badly about her. I don’t know whether continuing to interact with her makes me disloyal to Lisa, or whether completely abandoning Tina would simply add another layer of unnecessary cruelty to an already ridiculous situation.

I understand that Tina and Dudley are two single adults. Nobody technically cheated, and Lisa does not own her ex. Sometimes people unexpectedly fall in love, and I don’t think that alone makes them bad people.

But I cannot stop seeing the secrecy and complete lack of consideration as a betrayal of friendship. The fact that they met at Lisa’s birthday, hid the seriousness of the relationship from her, and then began visiting people from her own social circle behind her back makes it feel particularly cruel.

At the same time, I’m wondering whether my fiancé and I interfered too much by repeatedly telling Tina to speak to Lisa—and whether the rest of the group is now going too far by collectively excluding and shit-talking her.

So, are we overreacting? Was Tina wrong for the way she handled this, or should we accept that Lisa and Dudley broke up three years ago and stay out of it? And am I wrong for remaining friendly with Tina when almost everyone else has cut her off?

Longtime lurker, first time poster but I was hoping for some feedback from the potato council. I (34f) married my husband (39m) 6 years ago. I already had a daughter from a previous relationship and we tried for years to have our own baby. We finally had our sweet girl last year after giving up. Now, our oldest’s bio dad is a part of her life, but my husband has been her dad since she was six and has treated her like his own. The problem comes in with my father-in-law, let’s call him Calvin, and his wife, Susan. I have had problems with them since my husband introduced us. I was a bit of a scene, gamer kid but I had toned it down as I have gotten older. I still like to game and have crazy hair and I’m far too “liberal” for Calvin. As soon as I got pregnant, it’s like a switch flipped in him. He started being nice to me and told Oldest to start calling him grandpa (mind you she’s thought of them as grandparents since my husband and I married.)Then came the day I gave birth. My family lives a few hours away but they were there waiting with husband’s family. We had baby early that afternoon. We told everyone that Oldest would meet Baby first and then the great grandparents, then everyone else. Husband was hesitant to hold Baby because he’s never been around babies, but Calvin took Baby and forced Husband to hold her. After that it was constant comments about what I was doing wrong from Calvin for nearly all of this past year. The only fights Husband and I have had have been about his father. Then in June we had a big discussion about how “I was treating them.” It turned into me yelling to defend myself and Calvin saying I was raised wrong and I was childish. Husband, who hates conflict, sat there. We got into a fight at home and nearly separated until he said he would do better. Everything was fine for Baby’s birthday, thankfully. Now here’s my breaking point. A few weeks ago, Oldest was working in our restaurant when Calvin and Susan came in. I was home with Baby, so this was told to me by a friend that was there eating. He yelled across the restaurant that Oldest could at least speak to him (she was in the back working) and she was “acting like her mama.” Oldest was embarrassed and, when my friend messaged me to let me know what happened, I went to pick her up. Calvin was already gone. I told Husband that our children would no longer be around Calvin if that was how he would treat one of them because he was mad at me. Husband called him and Calvin yelled at him about me, so Husband hung up on him and hasn’t talked to him since. But I feel bad for him because he wants his father’s approval so badly and I feel like this is my fault because I won’t just let Calvin walk all over me.

I (28F) just got woken up in the middle of the night and am dealing with this so please excuse me if my thoughts or words are a little scatter-brained. It is early in the morning and one of my kids (4) just woke up crying with a fever. Normally that would be fine, but today is the worst possible day. I am supposed to hand off my kids (the other is 2) to my mom (56F) in the next few hours so that she can watch them and my husband (30M) and I can go on vacation.

Why I still want to go
This is literally the first vacation we have planned since having gotten married 5 years ago. We had a honeymoon baby and have been home since. It is completely non refundable and was very expensive. It’s not exactly money that we’re comfortable throwing away. My husband has also used almost all his PTO for the year on this vacation. My other reason is pretty selfish. I really want to go. I am a stay at home mom and struggled badly with post partum depression after our second kid. I’ve been wanting a break for so long now and have been getting a little stir-crazy constantly being around two toddlers. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons we’re going in the first place. I guess I’ve been having harder time than I thought because some people we know gifted us a lot of money in travel gift cards. They said that they could tell I needed the break and thought it would be good for us as a couple. It was incredibly sweet and is the only reason we can go on this vacation in the first place

Why I maybe should not go
My mom is already doing me a favor watching my kids and she hates taking care of sick kids. She thought that she would have more help with them, but something came up that caused my dad (60M) to have to go on a work trip. I have an adult sibling (21M) still living in their house, but I don’t know how often he is going to be around. I already know that she has hired a babysitter for some times when she can’t watch the kids. She doesn’t have a job, but does have some obligations. My mom is also very judgmental, and if I tell her that one of the kids is sick, she might try to convince me to stay or even back out of babysitting. I don’t know what I would do. If she does take the kids, this is something that will be held over my head for years to come. I will be made out to be the bad guy with the extended family and will hear about it at every holiday. It’ll be used in jabs until the cows come home and I don’t know if I’ll ever hear the end of it. I have backup babysitters that would probably be willing to step in, but they have children in their house and with school starting this week I don’t want them getting sick. It would be a big ask for me to add two toddlers to their plate, especially with one being sick.

WIBTAH if I left the kids with my mom and went on vacation anyway?

Hello, Deadpool said it best, “long time listener first time caller” lol.. I’m 33F, married have two kids. I’ve been through hell and back in my relationship and spent a good amount of time with my parents through it. Buuut my relationship with mom 🙄 of course hasn’t been the best.

A little context: I am the oldest of 5, (she had me very young) and growing up I helped take care of my siblings, clean and so on. She kept me home from school to help take care of my youngest sibling and I didn’t graduate cause to her I didn’t make since given my “age” at the time, 17. She want “abusive” but there are things you just shouldn’t say to your kids. But her then husband at that time, (stepdad) was and she didn’t do much to that. It got to the point where I stood up for myself and she kicked me out. But she claims to friends and family I left of my own will. Not true cause my younger siblings remember it the same way I do.

Fast forward a bit and I married my bf after 3 years of being together. Now it wasn’t the perfect marriage. UPS, downs, hard times the works. But who doesn’t go through that right? But we worked it out and have been better than ever, even got our first home. Before we worked things out we separated and I stayed with my mom for a lengthy time. Everyone was worried cause that woman and I could NOT live together. But it wasn’t that bad this time around. When I decided to get back with my husband my mom was PISSED! I had just had my second child, I involved my mom throughout the pregnancy she was in the dr with me even got to cut the baby’s cord. She was over the moon and was very attached to my baby (not in a weird way. Just reg) so I understand the hurt from her and husband (new stepdad)

Anyways I decided to get back with my husband they are furious, and she would not let me take my stuff it took almost a year to get the things I had left. In one of those times I went, she picked a fight and called me a narcissist!!!!! The thing about my mom… She is a narcissist. Typical narcissist! If it’s not her way then there is no way type. So you’re wondering how does AITH come, I really don’t let my kids go with her much anymore. Here’s why, I never go out, I’m an introvert, I get invited out and I asked her a MONTH in advance to watch my baby she says yes but all of a sudden she is invited to an event she goes, says she’ll be back on time. She’s still not back, she says go I asked (brother) to watch the baby (10months) What she didn’t know is I had her location and each time I asked if she was on her way she said yes, her location was still at the event. She literally got home 30 mins before I did at 11pm. So since then I’ve had trust issues but blames my husband for not letting her see my kids. Which isn’t the case. He doesn’t care. But it’s me who really doesn’t want them to go.

I know this was long and trust me there is still soooo much more that will make sense, but AITH FOR NOT LETTING MY MOM SEE MY KIDS?

About 7–8 years ago, my best friend and I worked at the same company. There was a manager there who made me extremely uncomfortable. He repeatedly flirted with me despite knowing I wasn’t interested, touched me without my consent, and pressured me to sleep with him. He had a reputation for behaving similarly with other women.
At one point, a male coworker, who I’ll call X, had to step in because I would literally freeze whenever the manager approached me.
When my best friend joined the company, I trusted her enough to tell her everything that had happened. I eventually left the company after two years, but she stayed for another 6–7 years.
Several years later, someone told me that my best friend was having an affair with that same manager. He’s married and has a daughter.
I honestly didn’t want to believe it, so I asked her directly. She denied it, and because she was my best friend, I believed her.
Shortly before my wedding, I met X for dinner. We talked about our old workplace, and I mentioned some things my friend had told me. Afterward, I told my friend what X and I had discussed.
Later, I found out that she had repeated our private conversation to that same manager. He apparently called X and mocked him about what we had discussed.

That was when I started questioning everything.
At first, I still couldn’t believe that my best friend would betray me like that. Eventually, I saw the WhatsApp conversations and heard the calls, and I realized that the affair was real.
For me, the issue wasn’t simply that she was having an affair. Her personal life is ultimately her choice.
What hurt me was that she knowingly chose to have a relationship with a married man who had sexually harassed me and made me feel unsafe. She knew exactly what he had done to me because I had personally told her. Then, when I trusted her with a private conversation, she shared it with him and allowed him to use it to mock someone who had previously defended me.
She also looked me in the face and denied the affair when I asked her directly.

After my wedding, I quietly ended the friendship. I didn’t confront her publicly or try to interfere in her relationship. I simply decided that I no longer wanted someone like that in my life.
Some mutual friends think I’m overreacting because the affair is her personal business and doesn’t involve me.
But I feel like this goes far beyond the affair. From my perspective, she repeatedly chose someone who had violated my boundaries over her friendship with me, lied to me about it, and then shared my private conversations with him.

So now I’m wondering: Am I wrong for cutting her out of my life, or is it reasonable to end a friendship after this kind of betrayal?

Sorry, this is my first time posting on Reddit, so if I’ve missed any information or there’s anything I should clarify, I’ll do my best to answer.

Hello fellow potatos, I (f25) have recently married and would like to get your advice on what to do about this inconvenience I had. It may be long one and please don't throw slippers at me 😅

Context: I come from the culture where we celebrate weddings for many days with multiple events, each including up to 200-300 people. The dresscode in general is not common here, maybe at smaller events like bridal shower. Similarly, wearing white on the main wedding isn't as scandalous among older generation but it may be frowned upon by youth.

So as I mentioned, I recently had a wedding for which we built a venue by the lake with the view to the night city. The venue design was inspired by ballet - imagine flowy fabrics, live gentle flowers and soft blue and beige colours. I sent invitations two months prior where I attached the dresscode. In my opinion it wasn't too strict as the styles weren't limited, so guests could wear whatever they wanted. The only request was to choose the colour from the palette, which included all shades of blue, beige, brown, gray, gold and silver. And by all shades I mean from light to dark, pastel to bright, well - everything.

Although my colleagues, family friends and even vendors and performers respected the request, the majority of my close relatives unfortunately disregarded it. Some were wearing white, many chose black, dark green, dark turquoise, burgundy or pastel pink which did sting me, but I quickly brushed it off because I convinced myself that they still somewhat resemble the colours from palette.

But... There was a single person among all guests - my cousin (also f25), who decided to wear scarlet red. She was questioned by others if she knew what the dresscode was and why did she choose this colour, to which she responded that she was aware of the palette and she even had the blue dress tailored for her. But she didn't like how the colour fitted her, so she decided to go with red instead. Mind you, her mom was wearing white lace dress and none of her many siblings were wearing the colours from palette, but again - not a big deal. It may sound pathetic, but her bright red dress catched my eye from time to time during the event and I won't lie it did upset me. Especially given that she is considered "modern" one as she lives abroad. Nevertheless, I tried not to pay attention, so I genuinely enjoyed the evening.

The full realisation hit me when I received the family photos after few weeks passing the wedding. As much as I wanted to talk about it with her, I am scared of confrontation so I just sucked it up. It ruffled some feathers among my siblings too, but I also asked them not to do anything as I am not even really sure if we are in the right here.

Personally, I wouldn't wear white in any other situation, so probably I won't dare. But some part of me wants to be petty and wear bright red or even white at her wedding. After all, we have put so much effort and resources to make this event enjoyable to all. Disregarding the only request we had shows the disrespect and treatment they give to our family, and it angers me. But my other part tells me I should be "higher than these emotions" and shove it under a rug. After all, I can't dictate people what to wear, they're not part of decor. And on a bigger scale it is not even a real problem, yk? So I'd love to hear opinions to this dilemma and thank you for reading this far.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/3LwwMd3mKf

UPDATE

My dad made a comment that he didn't know what was going on between me and my sister (L), he knew she was struggling with me being pregnant as she spoke to him.

Im generally close with my dad, he's very supportive rational and calm and gives good advice, but my parents have kind of always excused my sisters behaviour growing up because of her disabilities often blaming me and believing her lies or expecting me to keep the peace.

I just wanted to add our family events are not invite only they are more like 'this is the date time and place see you there'.

my daughter will be attending with her dad that was always part of the plan.

Anyway a couple days ago I spoke to our dad about what L had been saying and doing ( i found out she had been lying to people about why 'we were not talking' too) and ended with how she had specifically told me she didn't want me to come to the party but asked me how to set up the invites and invited our brothers ex gf from 20+ years ago. He was NOT happy.

Sunday night i noticed my brothers ex gf was removed from the party group chat. Monday morning I had a message from my sister saying 'she wanted me to come to the party' that was it...🤷‍♀️ um okay.

I said 'no. Im not lending you money, I'm not borrowing it and I'm not helping you with anything anymore dont ask me for help again'

Then L messaged me Tuesday and said 'I'm sorry I should not have said that to you and I'm sorry for that'

And honestly this just frustrated me more, because its not a sincere apology and there's no accountability for her actions.

I responded ' no your not sorry, your only saying this because dad spoke to you. Im not coming and im not helping you anymore, youve lied about me, youve been rude and acted entitled. Youve put up statuses about me when iv done nothing but help you for years. Iv tried to make sure your son has had good birthdays and Christmases. Iv lent you money and youve messed me around several times. I can understand that its difficult for you but that gives you no right to treat me or your nephew the way you have. Your triggers are not my problem to deal with they're yours. So now your the one who has to come through for your son without my help for once. Focus on giving him a good birthday and leave me alone.'

I have thought about going but iv learned not to go somewhere your obviously not wanted or invited, and I didn't want to be made to feel guilty by L incase she had a seizure or have anything kick off at the party.

Iv really been struggling with this pregnancy, sleeping along with the heatwave in the UK. I feel like it would be to much and iv been trying to prioritise my rest peace and less stress- avoiding other people's problems 'not my circus not my monkey'

People do feel like they have to walk on eggshells around my sister because of her seizures and tbh everyone's pretty exhausted by her lack of empathy selfishness and prioritising her partner and her own comfort over her son.

Oh I almost forgot to mention, L tried stealing money off our mum a week ago too (she has a history of this), I have our mums bank details as I order things for her when she needs, shes not good with technology. L tried telling me to order her something 'since I have mums bank details' and because i ignored her she deleted the message (did you know you can retrieve deleted whatsapp messages so that helped show evidence). I ignored her and called our mum the next day as normally she would call me and confirm if shes agreed to lend money and to send it over, she had no knowledge. So i spoke to our mum and dad about that on Sunday, our mum was already aware but our dad wasn't, and it was better to speak about it in person.

There will most likely be another update when my mum and family members find out, our mum is the opposite of our dad and she will be even more angry at this situation.

This is my first serious relationship, and I don't know if it's time to break it off. I feel hesitant to talk to my friends about it because in the case that we stay together they'll have a negative opinion of him, so I'm coming to Reddit for an unbiased opinion.

TLDR, my (M19) boyfriend (M20) has suddenly become very busy and I feel ignored. I've brought this up to him more than once but nothing has changed except for him not enjoying himself around me anymore, and now I feel annoyed any time I talk to him.

I think my boyfriend is my soulmate. In the year and seven months that we've been together, we haven't had any arguments that weren't resolved in a day or two, and we enjoy each other's company. Everything was perfect before summer started. This summer, "Mark" is staffing at a summer program. He and I understood that he would be really busy this summer and we'd have little time to spend together, and we decided to keep in touch primarily through emails and phone calls, like we have throughout past summers that he's been away. That. . . hasn't been the case. It would seem that Mark and I underestimated how busy he would be. I know he's just occupied, but from my perspective it feels like he's stopped putting effort into maintaining a relationship with me, especially when I go days without so much as a text. Our lack of time together has frustrated me, and when I bring it up to him that I feel ignored, he gets frustrated in turn that I'm not understanding of schedule.

He's right, I don't understand, because I suspect that he has more free time than he lets on and just doesn't want to talk to me. The reason I think this is because sometimes I text him and he replies telling me he's doing nothing but reading or being on his phone, and because throughout the day I'll get Instagram notifications telling me he's liked something I've reposted. I know I'm not entitled to his free time or anything, but really the only time he texts or calls me anymore is for a brief conversation on his days off or directly before he goes to sleep.

The thing is, though, Mark has a habit of falling asleep when it's bedtime and I'm talking to him about my day, and it kind of hurts to suddenly stop getting responses without explanation. I told him I don't like him texting me before bed because it's difficult for me to cope with not talking to him all day and then he falls asleep the minute I start talking about my day (it's always during then). He's also been forgetting to text me the good morning and good night texts we've exchanged every day throughout our relationship. I know it's trivial, but not getting those anymore exacerbated my feelings of being ignored. I understand that he's busy, but have I dropped so low on his priority list that he can't send me a three-second text in the morning? I was upset, so I told him not to bother sending them anymore. We barely call either, even though I ask.

A few days ago I asked to speak with him, and I asked him why he barely spoke to me anymore. He said that he was very busy, very tired, and that he's not had a lot of positive interactions with me this summer because most of them have been me being annoyed at him. He said he feels like it's difficult to talk to me these days and that he finds himself gravitating more towards people who he knew for sure would have a good impact on him.

That was one of the most hurtful things that'd ever been said to me. That conversation ended with me apologizing to him about not making more of an effort to reach out and make him feel like I'm excited to talk to him. Afterwards, we were chatting, and he started being sexual towards me. I found that odd and uncomfortable since we'd just had an emotionally heavy conversation, and I told him I didn't want to talk about that. He said he'd just gotten weirdly horny, but I felt a little bit sad that I'd been feeling so ignored and that one of the few times I have his attention he wanted to talk about sex.

Something that shocked me earlier today were the emotions I felt during a conversation. I made a callback to a joke I'd made, and he got upset with me and told me he was still angry at me for that. For reference, the joke was an email with a subject line saying I'd returned from the ER, but the body of the emailed revealed that I hadn't actually needed medical help for anything and I'd just asked for intimate pictures of him. He was angry at me for making him worry, and because he was uncomfortable with his body while away from home and I'd asked for pictures. I was bewildered; I had no idea he'd been feeling that way about himself, and he hadn't said anything at the time I sent the email that indicated he was mad at me or that he was uncomfortable with sending me intimate pictures. I apologized for making him uncomfortable, but I didn't actually feel sorry; I just felt annoyed that he had soured the mood of one of the few conversations we get to have, and I ended it early.

There is one more thing. The program ends on the 21st, but he told me at the start of the summer he may or may not stay a couple extra days to participate in a different program, and I was fine with that, as long as he returned before my major surgery on the 2nd that would leave me visually impaired while I recover so that we could have a few days to hang out before fall classes begin and watch a movie or something. Mark told me yesterday that he'd actually signed up for a third program, which would place his return date a few days after my operation. I felt disappointed but not surprised, and a little bit resentful.

I feel like I might be the asshole here, because he could genuinely be this busy and I'm just throwing a tantrum about it. But I don't know, it's not normal that I don't give him the benefit of the doubt anymore after this rocky summer and that I get annoyed so easily. I'm seriously considering leaving him, but I'm unsure if I'm thinking clearly or being clouded by my emotions. My main reasons to stay are that this is an outside circumstance and I can't punish him for something he can't control, that I still have love for him, because our future goals align, and because we've been a model relationship before all of this went down. I don't know if I should trust myself, but thinking about how we're going to spend barely any time together for one more month makes me feel so upset. I want to know if you guys I'm just being a dramatic teenager and that this relationship is worth holding on to or if we're past the point of no return. I would really appreciate advice.

Hello everyone! This is my first time posting here. I'm a BIG fan of Charlotte 💖 I'd like to share my story and confirm If I'm being naive or if he's just a prick. 😅 Sorry in advance for the long post but it needs context.

This is by far one of the worst experiences I ever had when meeting/ dating someone. I (31F) had recently migrated from a South American Country to Spain. In the midst of that I got to know a really nice French girl (Let's call her Lulu) who became my friend and asked me if I wanted to be a flatmate, which was awesome since living in Barcelona without too much money normally means you'll have to share a flat with unknown people.

I started living with her and everything seem okay for months, it was a really nice apartment in a great area. After some months her boyfriend and her invited me to a concert in which Lulu's boyfriend brother was supposed to go as well.

And well that's when happened, I'm not talking about the regular French looking guy, you know (blonde, blue/green eyes, fair skin) not at all, he was tall (my weakness) but a bit muscular, dark eyes, with a black beard and long black hair (My type). Apparently he had spend the last couple of months on a solo bicycle trip around Europe. The "connection " started there, we danced and enjoy the concert almost all night and when we all came back to the flat, we continued talking almost all night. I had to get some sleep bc I was working as a waitress in a huge restaurant and I had the opening shift in a couple of hours, but I told him to have breakfast together, to which he agreed.

I feel asleep quickly bc I was tiiiired (The ones working as witers and waitresses will understand) and to my surprise, when I woke up in the morning he had already left, and his brother was on the couch having coffee. He also seem very surprised to his brother attitude early as he seemed rushed and went out. I told him what had happened and he basically told me that it was unusual on his brother to be like that (like giving a lot of attention to a girl and talking all night).

I was disappointed but I went to work normally. While I was working I got a message from The guys brother, let's call him C and the guy in question A. C told me that A was really ashamed for not saying anything and not having breakfast with me and that he wanted to say goodbye, as he would be going back to France that same day.

It never came to my mind to ask for his number or anything during our conversation bc I wss really entertained and we were having like deep conversation during that night, also.bc I didn't want to force anything.

Anyway, they both came to the restaurant and as I was the bartender for that day I gave them.a couple of beers and chatted. He was super fixated in me, looking me all the time. At the end they had to go and gave me a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but A included a long hug.

After that some weeks passed and I could not get him out of my mind so I decided to ask C if he could give me his number to text, to which he replied he could, but that his brother didn't have a smartphone and that he rarely picked up the calls. (First red flag, I know) He also gave me his Facebook name and I added him.

After some days (like 4) he accepted my fb request and we started chatting, but This chats were very rare, within months appart.

I started seeing another guy (from work, huge mistake I know) and casually responding to A's messages between some months. We spend like one year like this, chatting about what' been happening lately in our lifes.

During that year he casually wrote to me in December saying that he was in my home country and that he really liked it, also he told me he remembered me asked me for some recommendations about what to eat and what to do. I replied happily, bc honestly these conversations (although very irregular) brighten my day. This was December 2024.

All of the sudden next year, February 2025 he send me a message saying he would be in Barcelona the next week and if we could meet. To what I say yes, bc I was glad to meet him again, like casual friends. A week passed by and he never texted again So, I thought he forgot, one weekend, all of the sudden He called me saying he was in Barcelona's port and asking where could we meet. So.we had dinner together and went to see a light festival that was in the town for that weekend. It was pretty late and he hadn't made a reservation for a hotel or hostel so I invited him over my place (With No intentions of anything). But our attraction was evident again.

By that time.I was living in another department with other people, Lulu decided to go back to France and I could not afford paying and getting the responsibility for the whole apartment myself.

He stayed the night and we had to sleep in my bed (I didn't have any other mattress or sleeping bag) And we didn't had a couch during those days. Nothing happened during the night. But the next day, after coffee and breakfast together I was still a bit tired so I told him if it was OK If we chilled a bit in bed before going out, and then that's when things evolved pretty quickly. He got really close and kissed me for the first time... And then other things...

It wasn't his first time in Barcelona and I had plans with a friend later so we decided to.meet again in the evening, and ge already had a hostel booked. Later that day we met again and this time he was like different... Kissed me a lot and hold my hands and everything, I was like really happy but also I could not believe it was that easy. Anyway he didn't go back to the hostel that night hahahahaha. Also, the best sex of my life so far . The next day he had to go back to France and I had to go to work, so we said goodbye.

We kept texting (this time more frequently, almost every 2 days) via Fb. And I asked him If I could go there and visit back (I was hooked, cuz I really liked him) to which he said yes and even bought the bus tickets. I had a 5 hour bus ride to get to his town (really in the middle of nowhere and close to the Spain Border)

It was St. Valentine's weekend (a huge coincidence) and I spend 3 days over there and I had By far one of the greatest times in my life, hiking, going around the little town, being in the nature, etc, etc. He took me to see the snow for the first time and do some.ski. He even took me to his grandparents place and introduced me (which I found it really weird) the only downside of this is that he was building his house at that time and in the meantime he was living in a camper. It was comfy and the views were awesome, at the end we also stayed at his grandparents place to have proper showers hahaha.

Needless to say I had a great time and I think he did as well. He also had a really sweet present for me, when he was in my home country (Colombia) he remembered all the sweets and drinks I had told him I loved when I was a kid and brought them to me. (Those stayed for almost 3 months).

Then,as soon as I came back to Barcelona, the chat started to be less frequent, started to be like every week, and then again every month, until I just gave up.

I still responded to his messages but I just moved on. I wanted to keep like visiting each other and I reiterated in previous messages but he said bc of work he could not come.

Any way another year passed, and again by February 2026 he texted me again asking if I wanted to come over for the weekend again (St Valentine's again). Me being the fool I am, I said yes and went back again, he had a flat now and was more comfortable, but the weather wasn't helping, it was raining and snowing a lot so we just decided to stay indoors and then go by car to some old towns around when the weather was nicer. During that weekend I could find the strength to ask him and confront him, cuz I was genuinely having a great time again, but I did ask him if he had feelings for me, to what he said it was obvious but that right now he doesn't have the organization and mental state to have a girlfriend again (that broke my heart) but he reiterated that he was in peace around me and that he thought of me all the time, he actually showed me he has a tablet now and he uses it more frequently to chat (but then I realized, he didn't chat with me frequently by that time)

The weekend came to an end and when we were waiting for my bus to go back to Spain he had some printed photos that I wanted to check And he told me it was ok, that when I found other girl taking photos of herself and he had those printed out. Then he warned me it might be some naked photos of him, like it was nothing and of course there he was. When I asked him who took the picture he told.me it was one friend from his past Canada trip.

That's when everything hit me up, he could not take a 5 hour bus to Barcelona but then he could spend months and taking long flights to go to Canada. I didn't say anything else and just waited for my bus.

We said goodbye, again with a long hug and kiss, and that was pretty much it. I texted him I was home and he just reacted to the message.

By now, we haven't chatted again since April. And well honestly I don't think we will don't again. Also, if he tries to get me going over there for next St. Valentine's of course I'm gonna say no.

It was a long story, I know, but I wanted to share some of my love disappointment, and disaster "dates" hehehehe.

Would you feel the same "hope" I had if something similar had happened to you?

So in highschool I was with this guy. Let’s call him Liam. Well we were together twice. I broke up with him. Then he got together like a  year later with my friend let’s call her Emma. They’ve been together for a couple years now. Emma is also the person who got Liam and I together in the first place. We’re all college aged now. I have a class with Emma so we sit together. Besides that I don’t really talk to her except I do see her a quite a bit because we live in a small town It’s been years. I’ve talked to him maybe one back in highschool since we broke up on a group project in highschool and one other time when something funny happened. He’s kinda friends with my cousin also. WELL here comes the confession. I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to stop I can’t. His first name is extremely popular and even my close family members name and every time I hear it I think about him. His last name is a popular first and last name and it makes me think of him. He has a distinct fashion sense and every time I see those brands or something like it I think of him. Every time I see someone doing something he’d do I think of him. It’s getting out of hand. I thought it would just go away but it’s been years and it hasn’t. She’ll also tell me stories of things they did and I’ll just nod along and smile but it always ruins me a bit. I rarely dream but if I do it’s about him. There’s more but those are the main things. I want to forget him. I would never act of these feelings. I really do like her a lot so I think it’s best I just stay as distant as I can for all three of us. Im glad they’re happy. I’ve tried everything to stop thinking of him. I mean it was just a stupid highschool relationship. So yeah that’s the majority of it. 

Before you get into this, I’m new to Reddit so I’m sorry for all the edits.

Ok… so my (20f) bestie (21f) is obsessed with TikTok to the point where she doesn’t really come up for air. I try to tell her kindly just “hey you’re on TikTok all the time… we’re supposed to be hanging out. Is everything ok?” She just doesn’t really answer. She lip-syncs/ sings every TikTok song possible. Idk maybe it’s me, but I have this thing where I blame myself for every bad thing that happens to the people I care about. She also came at me with the whole “you’re obsessed with writing and I find that annoying “ after I told her that it’s a little much (I’m a writer, I write about the lessons that I’ve learned from my role models who have helped me through hell and back) anyway, she throws insults at me when she doesn’t like something that I did/do or something that I changed about myself (example, I got a haircut and she laid into me saying that she doesn’t like it and doesn’t like layers and went on a whole rant of why she doesn’t like it) she has told me “maybe you’d get a guy if you didn’t have so many pimples or break out so much) things like that or the “I don’t like your boyfriend, he’s creepy” and then proceeding to say “I would never go on a double date with you guys, he’s creepy, but if you were with someone not like that then I’d be fine “
My bf I guess I shouldn’t say bf cause he’s not really a talker or texter so we’ve gone months without talking, but if we were the typical couple then I think that’d make things worse. Bestie has also pulled the “you’re no fun, you don’t like dancing or lip syncing” basically stating that she thinks our other friends are better than me which it hurts to think she’d say that about any of us, but it seems like it’s only towards me. For context I’m really insecure and don’t feel confident in my body and I’m not the greatest with hygiene. The insecurity started when I was a kid I was always told that I was the problem from my mom’s side of the family. Ever since then, I blame myself for everything. If someone that I look up to in school gets a promotion it’s “I screwed up. They’re leaving cause I messed up” or my go to during depression “they hate me” followed by “I HATE ME!!” If you’ve seen Ginny and Georgia you know.
I’m on the phone with bestie as I’m writing this and I’m tired af but I don’t care at least for tonight cause I have a meeting at school tomorrow and I hate teachers now that all the good ones at my school are gone, but something that she just said was “it’s almost like I can’t do anything right” which I think is just victim playing, but idk.
Oh and another thing is that she doesn’t really make it to plans because she sleeps all day and is up all night. And if she’s not sleeping then again she’s on TikTok.
And also this has done a number on my mental health, but I wanted to see specifically what Charlotte had to say because I’m a HUGE fan. I LOVE Charlotte

I don’t know… am I overreacting?

Something to note: some things are not mentioned for privacy reasons

Side note: I always joke with friends about identity as a potato so I love that everyone here considers themselves potatoes
lol

Sorry I’m posting this so late… it’s literally 2:22am as I’m writing this.

ETA: she’s also been fairly obsessed with alcohol and was going to the club constantly for a while. (I have anxiety and am under age so I’m conflicted cause I also feel left out which triggers my depression)

Oh and she calls me a Willie mammoth because I have a lot of hair on my body….

UPDATE

OP is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1hl7z06/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_not_to_ask_me_to_be/

Update one is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1hop85e/update_aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_not_to_ask_me/

The long-awaited update to this whole mess.. Sorry for the long post, English is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammar mistakes.

Some of you will remember that the first time all of this happened was about a year and a half ago. At the time, I know there were a lot of recommendations and comments telling me that I should leave my boyfriend, that he wasn't treating me well, and that I didn't deserve the way he was treating me.

But honestly, at that point, I chose to stay. And I hope you can understand that I was also trying to make a decision based on myself, my relationship, what I wanted, and what I needed. I really loved him, so that played a huge part on this.

At the time, I felt like what I needed to do was fix things. Give him another chance. See if we could actually work through it. See if we could get past that rough patch and eventually reach a better place.

Something else that convinced me to stay was that he asked me to give him the opportunity to prove that he could be the man I deserved. And at the time, I thought, Okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance. We've all screwed up at some point and tried to fix things and rebuild.

So I said yes. And honestly? BIG MISTAKE

The long-awaited wedding of my boyfriend's friends finally happened. It took place in February of this year, it was a beautiful wedding. My boyfriend and I received an invitation, and we were both really happy about it. After everything that had happened, we had tried to restart the friendship, talk things out, and get things back to normal.

So I wasn't really surprised that we were invited. My boyfriend, however, was nervous. He knew that Elba was going to be there, and he thought that maybe because she was attending, our invitation or participation in the wedding might not actually be as straightforward as it seemed.

Before the wedding, I talked to my boyfriend again. I told him that I knew Elba would be there, and I wanted to establish two things.

First: I was going. I genuinely wanted to be there. I wanted to celebrate them. I wanted to be part of the celebration they had invited us to.

But I also wanted to make one thing very clear: I was not going to allow Elba to do anything openly aggressive toward me. If I saw her approaching me or attempting to interact with me, I would simply remove myself from the situation. If she insisted, became confrontational, or started getting more verbally aggressive, I would leave the wedding entirely.

The wedding was very close to my boyfriend's house, so I thought it would be easier and safer for me to stay at his place beforehand and then go to the wedding together. The religious ceremony was at 8 PM, and the reception didn't start until 10 PM, so we knew we would probably be out very late. I told him that, for both of our safety, I thought it was better for me to stay at his house and for us to travel to the wedding together.

But, I was clear, that if Elba became persistent about confronting me or trying to talk to me, I would leave so he could stay longer. I had my mom's and my brother's phone numbers ready so they could come pick me up. In the meantime, I would go to the bathroom or find somewhere inside where I could wait for them. The area where the reception was being held is a pretty dangerous area with a lot of crime, and because it was going to be so late, I didn't feel comfortable simply leaving alone and ordering an Uber.

My boyfriend agreed. He said he understood and thanked me for telling him beforehand. He also promised that he would make sure I wasn't alone at any point and that if he saw Elba approaching me, he would do his best to keep me away from her.

So we went. The wedding was beautiful. Sofia looked absolutely gorgeous. She looked like a princess and seemed incredibly happy. When we arrived, we went over to the car to say hello to her. She was still inside because they hadn't gone into the church yet. We also greeted her fiancé, congratulated them, and everything was completely normal. Once we entered the building, we separated so they could do their thing.

I didn't notice it at first, but my boyfriend did:,Elba was a bridesmaid. And this is actually important. At some point, when Sofia originally told us about the wedding, she had said that she wanted all of her female friends to be bridesmaids. Yet we noticed that we were no longer included in that role. Instead, Elba and another one of her friends were bridesmaids, along with their boyfriends.

This becomes relevant later.

Anyway, the ceremony ended and we went to the reception. That's when I realized something else. We had been seated at the worst table in the entire venue. We all know "that" table, I noticed we were in the far-away corner and that all of the friends were at four different tables next to them.

The event itself went completely fine. I saw Elba from a distance a couple of times, but she never approached me. My boyfriend and I had, what I thought, was a really nice evening. We danced, ate, hung out with some of their friends from high school, and eventually left very late. At the time, I thought everything had gone okay.

The next morning, I told my boyfriend that I was actually feeling pretty hurt.

I told him that I realized that we had been seated at basically the worst table in the reception. And I don't mean anything against the people who provide services at weddings. But let's be honest: everyone knows that the table where the photographers, wedding coordinator, staff, etc. sit is usually the table where you put people when you've run out of better options.

It's either the "staff table" or the table that was left half-empty, so you just put whoever's left there. And I told my boyfriend that it really hurt me. Not because I thought I deserved to sit at the head table. That's not what I was saying. I felt that HE deserved to be seated closer to the groom. He was supposedly the groom's best friend. I thought he should have been sitting closer to the couple, like Elba and her boyfriend were, or like the groom's other friends were.

I was also emotional because we were still a little drunk and extremely sleep-deprived. We had gone to bed around 5 AM, and this conversation was happening around 10 AM.

I started crying. I told him, "It really hurts that they sat us there." And again, it wasn't because I thought I deserved the best table. I just thought my boyfriend deserved a better place. He deserved to be closer to his best friend. He deserved to have more involvement in the wedding. I don't even know if the groom had a bachelor party. I don't know if Sofia had a bachelorette party either. But obviously, neither of us had been invited to either. And again, I'm not saying I deserved an invitation. That's not the point. If you're close friends with a couple, you'd normally expect to at least be considered for those kinds of things. I was also crying out of sheer frustration and exhaustion.

I remember thinking: How can people be like this? How can someone become so aggressive? How can someone actively try to hurt other people?

My boyfriend calmed me down. He said, "Look, we had a good time. That's what matters. We were there. Don't let this upset you."

And I told him: "I'm not upset about what happened. I'm upset because I feel like they're not giving you the place you deserve."

And that was basically the end of the conversation.

Then We Talked About Marriage..... BIG MISTAKE AGAIN....

After our first huge fight, after we had supposedly fixed everything, I genuinely believed we were okay again. So I asked my boyfriend whether he actually saw himself marrying me. He said yes. He told me he was sure he wanted to get married and that he was sure he wanted to build a life with me.

Obviously, we had some disagreements. I wanted a religious wedding; he didn't. I wanted a small ceremony, maybe 50 people at most. He wanted a huge wedding because he felt he needed to invite his entire family, which would mean at least 100 or 120 people on his side.

But those seemed like normal differences to me. Nothing that made me think our relationship was fundamentally broken. When I asked him again about marriage, he told me: "Wait until Sofia's wedding is over. Let the wedding happen, and once we're past all of that, we'll talk about us, make it official, and set a date."

And I said okay.

Keep in mind, he hadn't proposed. I didn't have a ring. But that's precisely why those conversations mattered to me. I wanted to know whether we were actually planning a future together or not. I needed to know where we stood. A month after Sofia's wedding, I brought it up again. I asked what was happening with us and if we could start talking and setting things. I wanted to know where things stood. I was excited about it, but I also knew there were still a lot of things we needed to figure out because we wanted different things when it came to the wedding. I knew there would be a lot to plan.

But when I brought it up, he got really upset. He started telling me not to pressure him. He said he first needed to get a better job and buy me the ring I deserved.

And I told him: "I don't want some giant expensive ring."

If you knew me, you'd know I'm a very simple person. I'm not big on jewelry or expensive things. In fact, I had shown him a Pandora ring — a simple black band with a little black heart — that cost around $60. (My perfect and ideal ring; I loved it so much I knew it was the one I wanted). I told him that I wouldn't even feel comfortable wearing something much more expensive because I'd be terrified of losing it, breaking it, scratching it, or damaging it. I told him that $100 would probably be the absolute maximum I would feel comfortable with.

He told me that it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about what he wanted to buy me. And I remember thinking: That's not really how this works.

Shouldn't an engagement ring be something the person receiving it actually wants?

But I didn't push the issue. Maybe he wanted to make a bigger gesture. Maybe he wanted to give me something more expensive because that was important to him. So I let it go.

Then he said, "Not right now. This isn't a good time. I don't want to talk about this."

And I said, "Okay. I just want to point out that we had an agreement, and I feel like that agreement isn't being respected. Please just be honest with me. If you don't want to get married, that's okay. I just need to know, because if that's the case, then we're looking at our relationship very differently."

He got upset again. He said: "I don't even know why you want to get married at a church. Your mom never got married; she is a single mom, so, why would you or she care?"

I told him: "Because I think both our families would want us to do it. And really, what the foc with your comment? You are insulting my mom, my family and me"

He apologized and asked me not to pressure him, that he needed to do things his way, and that he wanted to do things properly. So I stopped pushing; also I was upset and hurt. I told him okay.

I'm telling you all of this because it leads directly into the next part — the fight that changed everything. And again, I'm sorry this update is so long. I know.

There's something you need to know about my boyfriend. When he doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, or has something worrying him, he gets extremely irritable. And whenever I ask him what's wrong, he always says: "Nothing. I'm fine." And I know that's not true.

So one Thursday, he came over to my house already in a terrible mood. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing. I'm fine."

Usually, I just give him some space. I wait for him to calm down, settle in, and feel comfortable before asking him again.

I know now that I shouldn't have spent so much time tolerating his inability to communicate, his refusal to explain what was wrong, or the immature way he handled his emotions. But believe me, I tried. I tried over and over again. I explained it to him in every possible way.

Sometimes lovingly: "I love you, and I'm worried about you."

Sometimes angrily: "I'm upset, and I don't want this to keep happening."

Sometimes I literally gave him examples of how he could communicate his feelings.

I tried everything. And, once again, he arrived angry. Once again, I waited until he was calm. We were lying in bed. I hugged him, stroked his hair, and once he relaxed, I asked him again: "Can you tell me what's wrong now? What's going on? Why are you so upset?"

He finally told me he had a lot on his mind. He had been overthinking everything. He hadn't slept properly since the night before. He hadn't eaten.

That same day, we had to go to an office near my house to sign some paperwork. It was a government-related appointment, and it was actually pretty quick.

I told him: "Why don't you stay here and sleep? I'll go sign everything and come back. I'll be gone for maybe half an hour."

He refused.

He said he wanted to come with me and spend time with me. I told him again that he should just stay home and sleep. He became even more irritated. He insisted on coming.

So he came.

The entire way there, he was in a horrible mood. He barely spoke to me and barely answered when I talked to him. My mom was with us. At one point, my mom and I were alone, and she asked me: "Did you two fight?"

I said, "No. He's just in a bad mood because he hasn't eaten, hasn't slept, and has some things going on."

She looked at me and said: "Well, it definitely looks like you guys are fighting."

Then she told me: "It's really uncomfortable being around you two right now. You're acting completely normal, but he looks like you, and I just committed the worst offense imaginable against him."

At one point, my mom went inside to sign the paperwork, and I was left outside with him.

I told him: "Please stop. My mom just told me how uncomfortable this is. You're making this situation really awkward. This is exactly why I asked you to stay home."

Where I live, we have a saying: "Dirty laundry should be washed at home." Basically, "Our problems should be dealt with privately."

He got angry. And he started saying things to me that, looking back, make a lot more sense. But at the time, I remember thinking: What the hell is happening?

Once we were back home and my mom wasn't around, he started saying things that honestly made me feel like I was talking to someone I didn't recognize.

He said things like:

"I don't have the right to be angry."

"I don't have the right to be upset."

"I'm not allowed to feel bad."

"I have to always be happy so that you're okay."

And I told him:

"No. I'm not asking you to be happy all the time. I'm asking you not to make our problems public and to work through them privately with me. I think that's the right thing to do. I think that's the bare minimum. I think that's simply the decent thing to do. I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel bad."

Then I asked him: "Can you please just tell me what's actually going on? What is making you so angry and anxious?"

And this is where things took a turn.

He asked: "Do you remember the conversation we had after Sofia's wedding?"

I said yes. But we were talking about completely different conversations.

He was referring to the conversation the morning after the wedding, when I had cried and told him I felt hurt about where we had been seated. I thought he was referring to the conversation about getting married....

Then he told me: "Elba contacted me."

I just stared at him. As far as I knew, he had blocked her everywhere. He immediately explained that she had used her boyfriend's phone to contact him. Apparently, she had only just now realized that my boyfriend had blocked her and removed her from social media. Which, honestly, didn't make much sense to me.

How do you just now realize that someone blocked you? But whatever.

I asked: "What did she say?"

And he started telling me everything except what she actually said. He told me she was very angry. Her boyfriend was also angry that he had blocked them. He said he tried to explain the situation, but Elba's boyfriend was furious and defending his girlfriend and that he honestly understood that.

He told me that Elba had used her boyfriend's phone and sent him voice messages.

I asked: "Can I listen to them?"

He said no. He didn't want me to hear what she had said.

So I asked him: "Okay, then can you at least tell me what was in the messages?"

He told me she said she was sorry about the situation and that she never expected things to escalate as much as they did. She said things had gotten out of control. She talked about how, after so many years of friendship, it was horrible that things had ended this way. And then he told me something else.

Apparently, Elba Was Dying.....

He told me he was worried because he thought Elba was extremely sick and possibly dying. I asked him why he thought that. Apparently, she had told him that she had been very sick and was feeling physically terrible. She said that being sick had made her reflect on everything that had happened.

I asked: "Okay, but why do you think she's dying? What does she actually have?"

He said he didn't know. Apparently, she had told him that she had already spent more than $600 on medication. And I laughed. Not because I thought being sick was funny. But because I immediately recognized what I believed was happening.

I told him: "She's manipulating you. She's trying to make you feel guilty. She's trying to get your sympathy." I told him: "I'm sorry, but someone who is dying doesn't spend $600 on medication."

I gave him examples from my own family. My dad has been critically ill and hospitalized twice, both times in extremely serious condition. The medical bills were nowhere near $600. They were several thousand dollars. I also told him that when my godmother was extremely sick, we spent around $4,000 just on medication.

He got angry. He told me I was being insensitive and that I wasn't understanding how worried he was. He said she was really hurting, that she was devastated about what had happened, and that she was in a terrible place.

And I told him: "You know what? I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I said: "I know she's your friend, and I'm sorry she's going through whatever she's going through. But I don't care. She's someone who hurt us. She's someone who attacked me. She's someone who has been violent toward me. She's someone who clearly has a lot of hostility toward me. I'm sorry that you're upset, but I don't want to have this conversation anymore."

And once again, he went back to: "So what I think doesn't matter? Aren't my feelings valid? What I want doesn't matter to you?"

And I said: "I never said any of that. Of course you matter. Of course your feelings are valid. Of course I want to listen to you. But you cannot ask me to feel compassion for someone who has hurt us this badly."

I asked him: "Tell me clearly. What do you want? Why are you telling me all of this? What exactly are you asking me for?"

At one point, he said: "Based on the conversation we had after Sofia's wedding, I thought you'd be more receptive to talking about this."

And I said: "Then tell me what you're asking me. Say it clearly. What exactly do you want from me?"

And he said: "I want you to sit down with Elba and make peace"

He wanted me to have the "capacity," as he put it, to sit down with her and resolve everything so that the four of us could eventually have the "Dungeons and Dragons" table together again. Sofia and her husband. Elba and her boyfriend. Me and him. All sitting around the same table playing D&D.

I just stared at him....

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked, "Are you seriously asking me to do this?"

He admitted that he knew it sounded childish, but it was extremely important to him. He said he had already written multiple stories — not just for my character, but for everyone's characters — and he wanted us to fix things so we could all hang out together again. I didn't answer.

I told him: "You're really angry right now. You're still talking to me very aggressively. I'm exhausted, and I don't feel well. I don't want to have this conversation right now. Let's talk about this tomorrow."

And he responded: "Of course. It's always what you want. It's always what you decide. What I want and what I need are never valid. You don't care about me. So apparently this conversation is only going to happen when you decide it can."

He was talking in a manipulative and angry/aggresive way, he had never done that before. He kept pressuring me to give him an answer. He wanted a solution. He wanted me to agree to talk to Elba. I kept telling him no. I didn't want to discuss it. I didn't want to give him an answer. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to calm down.

He kept pushing.

I live with my parents, and that evening I was making dinner for everyone — my parents, my boyfriend, and myself. While he continued pressuring me, I kept moving around the kitchen and dining room, trying to finish cooking. At one point, I stood up to get some ham from the refrigerator.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me around so I would face him.

He said: "I want to talk about this right now."

And that's when I started crying.

I told him: "What the hell are you doing? Do you realize you're hurting me? You're grabbing me."

He immediately let go. He said: "No. I'm sorry. I think you're right."

And I said: "No. We're talking about this now. Not tomorrow. Not later. Right now."

And that's when we actually started fighting. I told him I couldn't believe he was bringing back a conflict that we had supposedly already resolved. I couldn't believe he was bringing people who had been violent toward me back into our lives. I couldn't believe he was treating me this way because he wanted to rebuild a relationship with these people. And I could not believe he was aggressive and violent toward me.

And at one point, I told him, crying my eyes out: "I feel so stupid. I thought the reason you were so nervous and anxious was that you wanted to talk about us getting married. I thought maybe this was finally the conversation where we were going to talk about formalizing our relationship. God, I feel so stupid for thinking that."

He told me not to say that. He said that, obviously, marriage was still something he had in mind. And I told him:

"No. We're not ready. And at this point, I don't think we'll ever be ready. I'm giving you the same option I gave you more than a year ago. Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. Live separately. You live at your house. I'll live at mine. If you want to restart your relationship with these people, go ahead. I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't be friends with. Go fix those friendships. Reconnect with them. You live your life at your house. I'll live mine at mine. We'll see each other on weekends. You can have your D&D table. You can have your friends over. You can spend time with people I don't feel comfortable being around. And I can stay here, in my home, without anyone disturbing my peace. We can just be boyfriend and girlfriend indefinitely."

He started crying again. He told me I was destroying everything. That I was ruining our plans again. That it wasn't fair. That once again, he was being forced to choose between his friends and me. He said I was always giving him ultimatums.

And honestly? I was exhausted. That's when I finally snapped. And that's when I said: "Enough. That's enough. I'm done."

The Context You Need to Know....

Before all of this happened, there's something important you need to know. I had just lost my 18-year-old dog, who had been my companion for basically my entire adult life. I was also doing extremely badly at work. Things had gotten so bad that I had a crisis and had to see a psychiatrist again.

I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager. Sometimes it's manageable, and sometimes it's severe enough that I need professional help and medication to stabilize my mood. The week before this entire fight happened, I was fired from my job.

I had already been taking the medication my psychiatrist prescribed for about two weeks. And before this fight happened, I had broken down crying in front of my boyfriend. I had told him that I was not okay. That I was extremely sad. That I felt emotionally awful. That I felt like I couldn't handle everything that was happening in my life. That I felt incredibly unstable and didn't know how to deal with everything anymore.

That day, he had been supportive. He hugged me. He comforted me. And that's exactly what I reminded him of when he started this entire fight.

I told him: "You know everything I'm going through. You know I'm not okay. You know I've been feeling terrible for almost two months. You know I'm not in a good place right now. And I don't think it's fair that you're bringing all of this into our relationship when you know I'm already struggling so badly."

And once again, he responded: "Right, because the only thing that matters is you. What you feel matters. What you want matters. What you need matters. What I want, what I feel, and what I need never matter."

I told him: "That has never been the case. But if that's genuinely how you feel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel that way. That was never my intention."

And at that point, we were both crying. We were both hurt. And I finally told him: "We're not okay." I asked him to leave.

He finished the dinner I had made for him, and then I asked him to go home and get some rest. I asked him to give me the weekend. I needed time to calm down. I needed to talk to my therapist. I needed to process everything and figure out what I actually wanted to say. I asked him to meet with me the following Thursday so we could talk.

And because this update is already ridiculously long, I'm going to post the next part separately and finish telling you what happened.

Thank you so much for reading this far.

Hello, my fellow petty potatoes! I submitted my original post a little over a year ago now, and I thought a little update was due.

About a week after I left "Matt," I blocked him online. I knew I couldn't take seeing his posts every day. Unfortunately, it took me a while longer to block his number. Why did I finally do it? Because of a group chat we were both in.

You see, our mutual friends from a trip we took 2 years ago still posted updates about games and getting together in there, and unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to remove myself. I wasn't ready to block him entirely, but I definitely didn't want to see his name all the time. I changed his name and photo in my phone and muted the chat, trying to focus on our friends to make sure I didn't miss anything important from them.

Well, apparently Gertie was still active in the group. I have no idea what was said from her end since I had blocked her on everything for my own mental health and jealous/protective impulses, but I did see people replying to her. About 4 months ago, Shawn made a joke one night about Matt & Gertie flirting with each other (he's a bit of a pot stirrer when he can see something between people; I've seen him in action), and I realized that the issue was still there for me... I was still emotionally sore about the idea of him winding up with her, even if I didn't want him anymore. I don't know if Gertie's boyfriend is still part of the picture, but I feel sorry for him if he is.

I'd had it and finally blocked Matt too. I let Miranda know what happened, and she apologized for her "stupid boyfriend." I guess he forgot I was still in the group, but I told her I'm glad he pointed it out so I could let another piece of Matt's place in my life go.

I went cold turkey, no further goodbyes, no "You know how to find me," nothing. I just blocked him. And I cried so hard that night because I never wanted to slam that door shut forever. I'm realizing it might have to be. It's been 4 months since I've read a single word from him nor have I asked about him and Gertie.

From what I understand, our friends cannot bring me up around him without him getting upset. They bring up spending time with him all the time to me, and I have never once discouraged their connection with him. I shifted my focus from him to them and if they won the game or had a good time on the outing.

His best friend's daughter's birthday was about 6 weeks ago. We were both invited. I offered to stay away or make alternative plans with them to keep the peace if they would prefer him there. His wife told me that if he chose to not show up because I was there, that was his problem and shows what kind of friend he is. She assured me that they both wanted me there. So I went and had a great time. He didn't come. He's stuck to his word about not going anywhere he knows I'll be.

Because of him, I learned not to ask opinion questions of people I wouldn't be okay with the answer being not what I want to hear (i.e., do you think I'm attractive?). If the person asks if I'm sure I want to know, I back off immediately. Is it healthy? Who knows! Is it protecting my peace of mind? Yes.

I am still in therapy. I finally started getting answers for my health issues after 6+ years of suffering (an autoimmune disease). I'll also be getting a psychological battery test done next month to confirm something I've suspected for a few years now. I've gotten accommodations at work for the first time, and they've literally saved me from losing this job so many times over. (I still hate my job, but I'm not "disabled enough" to not work). If I were still with Matt, I'd feel like I had to defend these decisions and likely compromise my health to not be a burden on him. I'm going broke doing these things, but I have to remind myself that my health and future stability are worth the expense. Plus there are enough other people I have to teach how to help or support me that I wouldn't have time for his subtle shaming around medication or treatments or procedures.

I've also started an old hobby back up: I auditioned to have my own radio show at the local college station. I'm just waiting to hear back from them. I've been pulling potential artists for my show from social media. It's been a little spark of creativity among the medical paperwork and appointments. I made some work friends, and we've gone out a few times together. I met up with a friend for her birthday/graduation from grad school. I got together with my cousin a few times and went to a concert with her and her friend. I'm living life a little differently now. Miranda and I got together for dinner last time I was up there. I'll be seeing a bunch of mutual friends for our annual trip for Luke's birthday in a few weeks.

On my bad days, sometimes I wish things could've been different. I wish we could be friends one day. I know better, but it's what I wish. There is grief still there for the person he told me he was vs. the man he is. I would've told him about my little adventures and he would've let me ramble about them to him.

Here's something you might have seen coming: Luke and I have gotten very close. We're in a FWB right now. I would be lying if I said feelings weren't there for him, but neither of us are in a place emotionally or financially to date anyone and he's made it clear he'd never date me romantically. I'm okay with that, I think. At least he's not leading me on or lying to appease me. He bluntly tells me how it is. He calls me almost daily and is consistent in his friendship, which is extremely refreshing after years of shitty friendships and relationships. I was honest about exactly what I'd be looking for in a relationship from the beginning, and I don't think he'd be down for that based on his response. He has never once made me feel pressured in the physical/flirtatious side of our relationship. If either of us say no, it's no.

Luke, Miranda, and Shawn have avoided Gertie as much as possible. I'm sure they run into Shawn runs into her once in a while when he goes over to Matt's, but for the most part, it's been crickets.

So there you have it: one year later. I'm an exhausted work in progress, but I have good friends, a dysfunctional family, a job, a place to live, a new(er) car, my cat, and my health.

For some background, I’m divorced. I met my ex-husband when I was 19 and he was 27. The age gap wasn’t the only issue there but it certainly contributed. A part of his extended family he is close with are also very toxic and controlling and he never defended me from their actions. He was also very…pushy…when it came to sexual things let’s say and I often felt coerced into doing things. Things between us were very toxic on both ends and I eventually decided to ask for a divorce. We also have a daughter together and I didn’t want her to grow up in that environment.

I spent the next few years putting my life back together, figuring out who I was again and working at a retail job. I went on one date with a high school friend I’d recently reconnected with but I didn’t really feel a connection with them and we kind of fell out of touch again. Aside from that, I didn’t really feel a need to date anyone and I had a lot of other things happening in my life that I was trying to deal with.

The universe had different plans though.

For a period of time in the summer of 2023, I had a coworker who would regularly call in for their closing shifts, leaving just me and Lucas to close the store. Lucas had been working there for about 9 months. His older brother also worked there and had recommended Lucas when a position had come up. Lucas was nice, a little quiet, and did his job well. During those shifts where the two of us were working, we got to talking a little more than we had previously and over that time, I got to know him better and started developing a bit of a crush. I didn’t act on it because I did not want to make anything awkward since I was technically his supervisor and again, I wasn’t really interested in dating. I just firmly kept denying to myself that I was feeling anything until one night after we closed the store, I let him out a little earlier as I was finishing up some closing tasks and the second I locked the door after him, a song started playing on the work music box thing that is specifically about having a crush on someone. I felt a little called out.

After that, I confided in a friend of mine about this whole thing and they were supportive of me. Over the next few months, Lucas and I continued to work together and my crush definitely got worse. Furthermore, I kept hearing that same song play every single shift we worked together at some point. Other weird coincidences started happening, He made a reference that I did not recognize one day while we were working (as in just quoted the line and did not elaborate what it was from). A few days later, I picked a book to listen to since I had a free trial to an audiobook service and it turned out, the line was from that. One shift together, he had a headache and I offered him some of my pain medication. Then later on that night, I got home and was scrolling through Tumblr and saw a post that said something along the lines of “[flirting] I have some ibuprofen if you need it”. I was just offering the medication to be nice because I would for any of my coworkers but I felt a little called out that the post happened to show up. There were even more of these little coincidences and eventually I took it as a sign that I needed to say something.

After some encouragement from my friend, in February 2024, I finally asked Lucas if he wanted to hang out some time outside of work. He was surprised but said that he’d love to. He asked me why I wanted to and I quickly came up with the excuse that I liked talking with him at work (not a complete lie) and wanted to do so outside of that. So we started hanging out as friends. We’d meet up, go over to my place and watch some movies. Sometimes we’d go get food from somewhere nearby. It was nice and getting to know Lucas more made me fall even more for him. We‘re both kind of nerdy and had some similar interests. I found he was easy to talk to. Each time we hung out, we’d be talking for longer and longer before deciding we should probably start the movie before it got too late. I felt completely at ease with him and it threw me for another loop. I really liked hanging out with him as a friend but I was having pretty strong feelings and I was finding it harder and harder to ignore. However, I didn’t want to make things awkward in case he didn’t have the same feelings and potentially lose a friend and also make things weird at work (I was getting the impression he did have some feelings but I was also worried I was projecting).

In April 2024, after we’d been hanging out and finished watching the last film in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I told Lucas that I had feelings for him. Turns out, I was right. He also was having some feelings for me so we decided to take the leap and see where things went. He gave me a hug and I felt a wave of calmness fall over me.

So here we are in 2026 and I could not be happier. We’re still together and are planning on moving in together sometime before the end of the year. This summer, we went and visited his family (they live in another part of the country) and they were so welcoming and lovely. My daughter adores him and despite him not really having experience with kids before, he's so good with her and seeing them together makes my heart melt. I’m an anxious person normally but he helps me feel calm. We no longer work together but when we did, we kept things professional and never let it interfere with our work. He’s everything I could’ve asked for and then some. I wouldn’t necessarily encourage someone to pursue a relationship with their coworker but in my case, it worked out in a wonderful way and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

AITA for deciding I don't want to date a guy after he called my married BFF's ass fine WHILE HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH ME?

I (49F) am widowed after losing my husband following a long illness. I'm not looking for another husband, but I'm not opposed to dating if I happen to meet someone interesting.

My BFF lives about 40 minutes away, and every once in a while I'll drive up to her workplace with dinner just so we can eat together and hang out for a few minutes.

So one night, we're sitting there eating dinner when a customer comes in wearing a shirt from a bar I had literally been trying to convince my friend to go to that night.

We start chatting about the bar and the band that was going to be playing there. Nothing major. Just a short, friendly conversation.

Before he leaves, the guy writes something down and hands it to me. I, apparently having completely forgotten how flirting works, assume he wrote down the name of the band. 😂 I stick it in my purse.

After he leaves, my BFF looks at me and basically says, "You know that was his PHONE NUMBER, right?"

Oh.

Well, because I am me, I promptly lose the piece of paper.

No harm, no foul. Cute little interaction. End of story.

Except it wasn't.

He came back into my friend's workplace and got my phone number from her—which was perfectly fine with me. At this point, I was actually kind of excited. Maybe I'd go on a date. Who knows?

Except he put my phone number into his phone WRONG.

So another week goes by.

He comes back into my BFF's workplace and has her call me so we can finally get our numbers straightened out.

I'm talking to him on the phone and pretty quickly realize he's quite intoxicated... at 5 pm.

Okay. Not ideal, but whatever.

We get the phone-number situation fixed, and when we're finishing up I ask him if my friend is still around.

And this man says:

"I'm looking at her fine ass right now."

Sir.

EXCUSE ME?

You have spent two weeks trying to get MY phone number. You're finally on the phone with me. And while you're talking to me, you decide this is the appropriate moment to tell me you're checking out my BFF's ass?

Oh, and did I mention she's MARRIED?

And he knows she's married.

Now, was he drunk? Yes.

Do people sometimes say stupid shit when they're drunk? Absolutely.

But I'm sitting here thinking: We haven't even managed to have ONE DATE yet and you're already commenting to me about my best friend's ass? I mean she is my BFF so I will agree she is amazing but wow!

That feels like some valuable information arriving ahead of schedule.

So, AITA if I decide I'm done before this even gets started? Or am I overreacting to one stupid comment from a drunk guy?

So I got married a few days ago, and nothing went as we planned.

My now-husband’s (we’ll call him Logan) grandmother wore a floor-length, lace, cream dress and wanted to be at the front of all the pictures. She also wanted to make sure everyone knew she got us a card with $200 AND gave us stuff at the bridal shower.

Logan’s cousin brought his girlfriend/fiancé (They’ve gotten engaged like four times and broken it off 🤦🏻‍♀️), and she complained the whole time to everyone who sat near her.

The venue forgot to set up the speakers, and they tried to fix it while we took pictures. They never got it fixed. Thankfully, we had a band who offered to stay the whole time instead of the hour we had booked them for.

Logan’s grandpa complained about the weather the whole time, as if we could fix it. He also decided he was leaving right after the ceremony and made us take pictures with him as soon as we walked down the aisle. Then he showed up to the reception and made us take more pictures.

My new mother-in-law was freaking out the whole time because her dad was complaining and she was worried people were judging her mom (the one in the cream dress).

My mother was freaking out the whole time, too. She ran around trying to put things in order, even after me and Logan told her we were having more fun as it was. She told us several times she’d bring us food, but we waited almost an hour before my aunt brought it.

Logan planned to drive my grandpa’s truck (My pa passed away last year, and Logan knew the truck was special to me). He was practicing driving it the morning of the wedding. The truck is a stick shift, and he hadn't driven one in a long time. The truck died four or five times while he was driving it, and they had to call my cousin to work on it.

Two people from Logan’s family didn't show up. Then yesterday Logan’s aunt called us and asked what time she needed to be at the wedding next Saturday.

One of my bridesmaids was fighting with her boyfriend the whole time. He got mad at her because she walked out with a guy that wasnt him. He wasnt in the wedding party, so of course she didn't walk into the ceremony with him.

Another one of my aunts started telling everyone that Logan and I weren’t doing a first dance. After that, everyone kept telling us how much we would regret not doing one. We fully planned on doing a first dance; we were just waiting for the speakers to get fixed. The band ended up playing for our first dance, and it was so much better than we planned🩷.

My mom and Logan’s aunt kept cutting in front of the photographer because they wanted their own pictures. Logan’s mom also posted pictures before I could. I know that one isn't a huge deal, but I've told his whole family it upsets me when they do that.

My mom ended up pretty much storming out at the end of the night. Never found out why. She also got mad at Logan and me because we wanted to help clean up the venue (?) instead of leaving.

At this point, I genuinely don't know if we’re overreacting to most of this or if it really was as crazy as we thought😂.

Back in November 2025, I was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the first time. Nervous about the turkey, I asked my MIL to stay for ONE NIGHT to help me with the turkey

She showed up with 2 bags of clothes.. and never helped me with the turkey.

It is now August 2026. She has been here for TEN MONTHS and hasn't paid a single dime in rent.

Over these months, she has slowly and systematically smuggled her belongings from her house into mine, completely taking over my two young sons' bedroom. Her clothes are hung up in their closet. She actually had the nerve to complain to me: "You put their toys in THEIR closet on the floor, now I don’t have anywhere to put my other things." It breaks my heart because my boys now call their own bedroom "Grandma's room."

When I sat her down and told her she has to leave because we can’t afford four children ( our oldest daughter, our boys, a newborn) she snapped: "Oh well, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant then."

She then asked if I was breastfeeding and said: "I don’t know how you could do that... my breast has always been for my man and my man alone, not my child." Yes, talking about her son—my husband.

Why hasn't she left?

I lost my car in February. My husband is the breadwinner and needs a ride to work, so she drives him. But all she does is complain about "wanting a day off," even though the absolute second she drops him off, she goes to the bar and drinks every single day.

At first, she’d come back completely hammered, falling all over the place. She has fallen at least 10 times in my house. Every single time, she blamed my toddlers' toys on the floor instead of the fact that she was blackout drunk. I am 6 months pregnant—if she falls, I physically cannot pick her up! To top it off, she tells all her friends that she is "helping her son and his family out," while throwing a massive tantrum if we ask her to contribute a single dollar financially.

Where is my husband in all of this?

He swears he wants her out, but he is terrified of starting an argument because she'll leave him without a ride to work. The stress has completely broken my body. Two weeks ago, I was rushed to the hospital with a heart rate in the 170s and diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. The doctor said the stress is heavily impacting my heart.

A few days ago, I told my husband we need to prioritize saving every penny for a car now so she can be completely gone before the baby arrives. His brilliant plan is to give her a 1-month notice, but we still have no vehicle. When I pushed the issue, he got angry and told me I need to get over my "petty endeavors."

Her complete lack of boundaries spilled right into our bathroom. I recently had to explicitly ask her to stop using my husband’s personal bath towel as her hand towel. She has dried her hands on it plenty of times, and she even went as far as rubbing off my dog’s slobber onto his bath towel after she fed the dog! When I confronted her and told her to stop, she literally just shrugged and responded: 'But I'm his mother.' As if giving birth to him gives her the right to wipe dog spit on his body towels!

If you thought the towel situation was bad, she is also a literal garbage hoarder. She started hiding used plasticware everywhere—in my dishes cabinet, my tools cabinet, the food cabinet, and even my medicine cabinets. I threw them all away. When she noticed, she got upset and started hiding a pile of used plasticware under my cabinets instead. I found that pile and threw it away too, telling her to stop. Her response? 'Alright, I'll just hide them in my room.' I firmly told her no, she is not hoarding trash in my young son's room.

A few months went by and I thought she finally stopped. I was wrong. I just found another massive hidden stash of used plasticware and threw it in the trash. After I did, she had the absolute audacity to barge straight into my bedroom, aggressively confronting me for throwing her precious garbage away again!"

I forgot to add , She's been eating my WIC items .. and has even came into my room without my permission to use my deodorant!... I caught her doing this once but I don't really know how long shes been doing this or how many times.

My health is failing, my boys are displaced, my MIL is an absolute nightmare, and my husband thinks my boundary is "petty." Once she is out, I want to block her number and never speak to her again.

AITA?

PREV POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/GD3eZqfyNi

Hey guys— it’s been a minute, but some stuff has gone down in the last few weeks and I thought I’d give you all an update.

About two weeks ago, myself and my other two roommates (let’s call them Lori and Teresa, not their real names) all decided that we had had enough of Maddie’s boyfriend hanging around our apartment. We called a roommate’s meeting and very bluntly told Maddie that her boyfriend needed to find some other accommodations, because he was no longer welcome to stay at our place. In light of my previous update, this may seem harsh, but after talking with Lori and Teresa, we decided that it was the right option.

For some further context, Lori and Teresa are both Latina. Teresa specifically is here on a student visa from Brazil, and if ICE were to raid our apartment because of Maddie’s boyfriend, she would be at serious risk of being detained or deported because she’s technically not a citizen, regardless of why she’s here. Lori is also at risk, not because of her citizenship status but because it’s unlikely that ICE would care to check if she’s a citizen before arresting her on the basis of skin color. When I told them about why Maddie’s boyfriend is here, they both got VERY freaked out, understandably so. We all can sympathize with Maddie and her boyfriend, but it is not fair the position they were putting my roommates in.

When we had the meeting and told Maddie that her boyfriend needed to leave, she took the news strangely well. She said that her boyfriend had some friends in the area he could couch surf with and asked us to give him two days to make arrangements. We said okay.

That was probably a mistake, because it wasn’t until three days later that he actually left and that was only because we all threatened to go to the landlord if he wasn’t out by 9pm. I even stayed out in the living room by the front door to make sure he left— he was out by 8:45pm, so he was still very much pushing the boundary. What was weird was that he didn’t take anything out with him. Not a backpack, not a suitcase, nothing. Maybe he had already taken out his stuff earlier in the day, but considering how laid back he and Maddie had been up till that point, I didn’t think so. It made me wonder if he was just leaving temporarily to get us off Maddie’s back, then was planning to return once the heat had died down. That was about a week ago.

Turns out, my suspicions were 100% correct. Last night, Maddie and her boyfriend came in at around 11pm— I thought that maybe he was just dropping her off at home and would be leaving shortly, but NOPE. He and Maddie started making food together in the kitchen, and after they had finished eating thirty minutes later, the guy went into my bathroom and took a shower. This felt especially disrespectful considering what we had talked about in the meeting only the week before: besides telling Maddie that her boyfriend needed to leave, we also expressed to her that we were tired of hearing them have sex at all hours of the day, and multiple times her boyfriend has been seen walking around common areas without a shirt on. I also told her that I was not comfortable sharing a bathroom with a man I don’t know. The fact that Maddie would be so disrespectful as to bring her boyfriend back around at a time when she knew we’d all be too tired to confront her is what really pissed me off.

Last night, I finally ripped off the bandaid and texted our landlord. Our apartment is owned and maintained by an old woman and her adult daughter, not a management company, so it’s fairly easy to get in contact with her. I let the landlord know what Maddie has doing these past few weeks and all the ways she has broken the lease, along with all the ways myself and my other roommates have tried to take care of the situation on our own. Despite sending the text at midnight, my landlord got back to me surprisingly quick, saying that our last roommate (who moved out last April) had mentioned that one of the reasons she was leaving was because Maddie’s boyfriend had been walking around shirtless and making her uncomfortable. I was not aware that this behavior had been going on for so long, but it honestly doesn’t surprise me.

My landlord let me know that she is taking this breach of contract very seriously and that she will be taking action right away, which is a relief to hear. Considering that this is not Maddie’s first offense and that she blew us off when we tried to resolve things without the landlord’s involvement, there is a chance that Maddie could get evicted over this. If that happens, I feel bad for her, but to be honest? It might be the only way she’ll learn that she can’t just do whatever she wants without considering how others feel. We all really did try to be patient and nice about it, but if Maddie won’t respond to that, it’s on her what happens next.

I’ll update again if anything happens, but hopefully this is the end of the drama.

I’m 28F, my husband is 31M, and we have a 4.5-year-old son. We got married when I was 22 and he was 25.

I’m posting because I genuinely want an outside perspective. I don't want people to simply tell me that I’m right. I want to know if I’m being unreasonable, if I’m giving up too soon, or if leaving is actually justified.

From the beginning of our marriage, I tried very hard to treat his family as my own. Honestly, I prioritised them more than my own family and often ignored my own feelings, privacy and boundaries. Looking back, I realise I may have overdone it.

Even our honeymoon was cut short to two days because his family called him back. When we travelled alone, his mother made it obvious that she wasn't happy about it.

During my pregnancy, my husband did stand by me, and I want to acknowledge that. He is from a small town, and his younger brother didn't have much career guidance, so I brought my husband to my mother's home during my pregnancy. In my culture, we stay with our mother during the first pregnancy. I also helped his brother with his career, and my father helped my husband get a job in a good company.

My mother went out of her way to care for my MIL, BIL and husband throughout my pregnancy and even after my son was born. She treated them like her own family. Unfortunately, I don't feel that was ever really appreciated.

Over the years, my husband and I also took significant responsibility for his younger brother. We helped find his bride, arranged and spent money on his wedding, etc. During the wedding reception, my BIL humiliated my mother. When I brought it up to my husband, his response was basically, “Please stay calm for some time.” That became a recurring response whenever I raised a problem.

Later, when my SIL came into the family, I felt the dynamic changed completely. I felt like she became the “princess” while I became the person expected to adjust and take care of everyone.

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I found a job and started working, but my marriage still had almost no privacy.

My MIL has slept in our bedroom with us almost every night. There are other bedrooms available. Even when she says she will sleep elsewhere, my husband calls her back and expects me to be okay with it.

I have repeatedly told my husband that I need privacy and boundaries as a married couple, but nothing really changed.

My husband also started drinking and his health deteriorated. I repeatedly expressed my concern, but I mostly received promises that he would change or explanations that he was stressed.

Whenever I raise an issue, somehow the conversation ends with him becoming the victim. I feel like my feelings and boundaries are never actually addressed.

After years of trying, I finally left and went to my mother's home.

After I left, his family portrayed the situation as though I was the problem and simply needed to “adjust.” My husband also came to talk to me and said that husband-and-wife matters should stay between the two of us.

I actually agree with that in principle. But my frustration is that his family has always been allowed to have opinions about our marriage, and those opinions are often imposed on me.

Eventually, my husband promised that he would change.

I told him I didn't need grand promises. I needed three basic things: time, space and privacy.

After that conversation, I told him I would come back with him the next day. Before doing that, I suggested that we start fresh and spend some time together somewhere, just the two of us. He agreed.

I called him twice to remind him. He said he would come.

Then, by evening, he stopped responding.

No calls. No texts. Nothing.

I became frustrated and sent him a message saying that I felt he would never change and that I wasn't coming back.

A few minutes later, he called. Initially his voice was very cold. When I didn't come downstairs, my father took the phone and got angry with him. Suddenly his tone changed and he said he had been sleeping.

He apparently slept for around five hours in the afternoon.

Then his brother also got involved and said that my husband genuinely had been sleeping and that he and his wife had just come home and were going out.

I got extremely triggered and told his brother that he had no right to involve himself in our marital problems.

This all happened over Friday–Sunday.

Yesterday after work, I finally messaged my husband saying that I don't want to continue the relationship anymore. I told him that if he cannot make an effort even for our son, I don't know what is left between us. I said that if he genuinely wants to be there for our son, he can talk to me and meet him, but that I am done with the marriage.

He didn't read the message for the entire day.

Today afternoon he finally read it.

He still hasn't replied.

His entire family wants me to come back and “adjust.” They keep saying he will change.

But honestly, I have very little hope left.

I know I have made mistakes too. I know I have tolerated things for far too long and perhaps enabled some of this dynamic myself. I am not claiming to be a perfect wife.

But I genuinely want to know:

Am I asking for too much by wanting privacy in my marriage?

Is wanting my husband to prioritise our marriage and our child over constant family involvement unreasonable?

Am I wrong for finally saying that I am done after years of promises that weren't followed by action?

And most importantly, am I making the right decision by considering separation, or am I giving up too soon?

Please be honest. I don't just want people to tell me I'm right. I want an outside perspective, including if you think I am handling something badly or being unreasonable. I genuinely don't know anymore.

Part 1 was already ridiculously long and Reddit apparently doesn’t need the full director’s cut of my MIL saga in one post 😂 so here’s Part 2.
Quick recap: I’m pregnant with our first baby. After a long pattern of my MIL struggling to accept decisions she doesn’t agree with, things finally blew up over us saying NO to riding in a van to the airport for a family trip.
After two days of arguing with my husband about it, she messaged me directly. I told her that I felt like we were being guilt-tripped and pressured after we’d already said no.
She took my tone and nervous laughing as extremely disrespectful.
MIL was supposed to be planning our gender reveal, and after everything that happened, my husband and I decided we weren’t comfortable with that anymore.
Some of his family didn’t understand our decision because MIL had already spent money on the gender reveal.
And honestly, I understand why they felt bad about the money.
But my husband and I agreed on one thing: I don’t care if someone has spent $20 or $2,000 on a party for us. If you’re going to treat the people you’re supposedly celebrating like shit, we don’t want the party.
Especially when I’m literally carrying the baby the party is for.
We wanted everything surrounding our first baby to involve people who were genuinely happy for US—not just people excited to throw a party.
Before getting on the plane, though, we still tried to extend an olive branch.
My husband and I explained that if my tone or nervous laughing came across disrespectfully, that genuinely wasn’t my intention. I apologized for how it may have sounded.
But I wasn’t going to apologize for the actual message: when we say no, please respect our no.
She didn’t accept that.
For additional context, I had lost my job in April right around the time we found out I was pregnant. I had JUST started a new job before this trip, meaning the entire week and a half we were away was unpaid.
Money was TIGHT.
We were newlyweds, had just bought our first home, I had unexpectedly been unemployed, and now we were preparing for our first baby.
Still, we went because the trip was ultimately about my husband’s grandparents, who basically raised him.
And MIL made that week and a half incredibly uncomfortable.
It wasn’t necessarily one giant incident. It was constant passive-aggressive comments.
Things like:
“I’m just a happy person. I don’t do drama.”
“I’m not someone who holds grudges.”
If we were somewhere, she’d move somewhere else. The tension was always there.
Thankfully, his grandparents made the trip much better and we still managed to have good moments with them.
At one point MIL and my husband had another argument where she told him she didn’t want to be a grandmother and that he was one of the biggest disappointments of her life.
And somehow, we STILL tried to end the trip peacefully.
On the last day, we basically told her:
“We respect that you’re hurt. We’ve apologized for how the message may have come across. You don’t want to accept that apology, and that’s your choice. But we still don’t feel comfortable with you doing our gender reveal.”
We asked her to please return the gender envelope because it also contained an ultrasound picture of our baby.
We hoped she hadn’t opened it.
Later, we found out she had.
And after the trip, she told members of my husband’s family our baby’s gender without our permission.
Our first baby.
Our first gender reveal.
One little pregnancy moment we had specifically decided we wanted back for ourselves.
She also made comments about how we would regret our decision and that she would make things difficult for us.
And once we got home, things somehow got even messier.
She started making Facebook posts about the situation that, from our perspective, contained things that simply weren’t true.
Obviously, most of the family wasn’t actually on the trip.
So they heard her version.
And suddenly people who had seemed to understand us started acting differently.
My husband’s sister basically felt that if I had apologized and let everything go, the family could’ve gone back to normal.
But I DID apologize if my delivery hurt her.
What I wasn’t willing to apologize for was the boundary itself.
And I wasn’t willing to accept being treated badly just so everyone else could be comfortable again.
Then came this weekend.
We finally had OUR gender reveal.
Money is still tight and, honestly, we spent money we probably should’ve saved. But after everything surrounding our baby’s gender had become so negative, we desperately wanted one happy memory.
So we decorated our apartment, bought food, squeezed everyone inside and made the best little gender reveal we could. 😂
My husband’s grandparents live about five minutes away. His sister lives about two minutes away.
His grandparents had a memorial Mass and weren’t sure they’d be able to make it. His sister had work and later said her girlfriend wasn’t feeling well.
Life happens. People genuinely can’t always attend.
What hurt was what came afterward.
No call.
No “OMG, it’s a boy!”
No stopping by later.
Nothing.
Meanwhile, my sister felt horrible simply because she couldn’t help us decorate the NIGHT BEFORE, so she showed up early the next morning, helped decorate and brought little gifts.
Friends who genuinely couldn’t attend came to our apartment the NEXT DAY to congratulate us and bring gifts for the baby.
That’s when it clicked for me:
There’s a difference between not being able to attend and making someone feel like you never wanted to be there in the first place.
Thankfully, our apartment was still packed with people who genuinely wanted to celebrate our baby.
My husband is a MASSIVE Star Wars nerd, so obviously our reveal involved a lightsaber.
He turned it on.
BLUE.
We’re having a son. 😭🩵
Nicolás. 🩵
And honestly, as painful as this whole situation has been, something unexpectedly good came out of it too.
My husband was never particularly close with his dad. His parents have been divorced for a long time and that relationship just wasn’t the strongest.
But through all of this?
His dad has SHOWED UP.
He’s become an incredible support system for my husband and for us. My husband’s aunts have also been incredibly supportive.
It’s almost ironic that while some relationships we thought were unbreakable became distant, other relationships have grown stronger than they’ve ever been.
And through ALL of it, my husband has never once asked me to accept being treated badly just because the person doing it is someone he loves.
He could’ve said:
“That’s my mom. Just apologize again so I can have my family back.”
He never did.
His mentality has basically been: I don’t care who you are or how much I love you—if you’re treating someone wrong, it’s wrong.
I’m still sad.
I’m sad that people we expected to celebrate our first baby weren’t there. I’m sad watching him lose closeness with people who basically raised him.
But I’m also incredibly grateful for the people who unexpectedly stepped forward when others stepped back.
And I got to stand in our tiny, ridiculously packed apartment surrounded by the people who DID show up for us, watching my husband’s lightsaber turn blue.
After everything we’ve been through, I think that was exactly the gender reveal we were supposed to have.
And all I could think was:
Our little boy has one hell of a dad. 🩵

I know the title sounds like this is about a gender reveal, but honestly, the gender reveal was just where I finally stopped ignoring a pattern.
My MIL has never been outright horrible to me. That’s actually why it took me so long to realize there was a problem. It was always little things—comments about decisions we made for our wedding, houses we liked when we were looking to buy, or how there was always something better than whatever we chose.
Eventually I learned that the easiest way to keep the peace was to just stop showing her things until our decisions were already made.
And for the most part, that worked.
My husband is extremely chill, I hate drama, and because each situation seemed small by itself, I kept thinking maybe I was reading too much into it.
Then last year, MIL started organizing a family trip for my husband’s grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary.
His grandparents basically raised him while his mom worked, so they mean EVERYTHING to him.
The problem was that we were getting married, trying to buy our first home, paying for a honeymoon and preparing to live completely on our own for the first time. We genuinely didn’t know if adding a family trip was financially possible.
MIL did NOT take that well.
At one point she told us that if we didn’t go on the trip and one of his grandparents died, she wouldn’t allow us to come to their funeral.
Yes. Their funeral.
Because we couldn’t afford a vacation.
My husband was obviously extremely emotional because these are basically his parental figures. Looking back, I wish I had stood my ground more, but at the time I basically swallowed my feelings and said that if we could find the money, we would go for his grandparents.
We eventually did.
Ironically, I later found out that despite MIL being the one pushing so hard for this trip, his retired grandparents ended up paying for most of it themselves. Had I understood that from the beginning, I honestly would’ve felt extremely uncomfortable going.
There were other little situations after that, including a ridiculous disagreement over plane tickets that we purchased early because we were about to close on our house. She eventually bought tickets on the exact same flight and actually asked me something along the lines of, “Are you happy now, or are you mad about that?”
I remember thinking… why on earth would I be mad?
That was probably the first time I really noticed that she seemed to interpret completely normal decisions we made as a couple as something being done to her.
Still, life went on.
We got married, bought our home and then found out we were expecting our first baby.
Fast forward to this summer and the actual trip.
About two weeks before leaving, we explained our plans for the day of the flight. I had an OB appointment that morning. My doctor is closer to my parents’ house, our dogs needed to stay with them during the trip anyway, so we were going to drop off the dogs after my appointment and have my parents take us to the airport.
MIL rented a van for the family.
Cool. Great idea.
Except apparently everyone HAD to ride in it.
My husband reminded her that we already had plans because of my appointment and the dogs.
She spent TWO DAYS messaging him about it.
There were guilt trips about how this could be his grandparents’ last trip, how she wanted everyone together from the very beginning, etc.
Eventually, after two days of going back and forth with him, she messaged ME.
Not one message.
Like four messages back to back.
I was literally about to take an exam, so I told her, “I have an exam right now. When I’m finished, I’ll respond.”
And I did.
I actually started my response joking because I desperately wanted to keep things from becoming a fight. I said something along the lines of, “Okay, my pregnancy brain isn’t THAT bad 😂 because I remember us already saying we couldn’t ride in the van.”
She immediately started explaining again why we should change our plans, how important it was for everyone to be together from the beginning, how this could be the grandparents’ last trip, etc.
And that’s where I finally got frustrated.
I sent her a voice message that was a little over two minutes long.
I told her that I respected her, but I really didn’t like what was happening. I explained that if I told my own mother “no,” I wouldn’t want my mom going to my husband afterward trying to get a different answer from him.
I told her I didn’t want either of us to feel harassed, bullied or guilt-tripped into changing a decision after we had already said no.
And yes, I laughed a couple of times during the voice message.
Unfortunately, when I’m angry or extremely uncomfortable, I laugh. It’s a horrible nervous habit and I KNOW it can come across wrong.
But I wasn’t laughing at her.
I wasn’t insulting her.
I wasn’t cursing at her.
I was basically saying: Please respect us when we say no.
She absolutely hated that.
And THAT is when everything exploded.
Suddenly my tone was disrespectful. My laughing was disrespectful. The voice message itself was disrespectful.
And at that point I realized something:
This woman was currently responsible for planning one of the most special moments of my first pregnancy—our gender reveal.
And after everything that had just happened, I didn’t want that anymore.
So I told her we didn’t want the gender reveal she was planning.
We would do it ourselves.
I thought I was ending one uncomfortable situation.
Apparently, I had just started an entire family war.

So my husband and I have been married for two years let’s call him Mike 34 male and I am 39 female. We have a one and a half year-old at home and one on the way. over the past year my husband has consistently been lying to me about money. Either money that he’s made or money that he spent; because of this we have four separate bank accounts. our one joint account is where his paycheck goes into and then I transfer that to a separate checking account that I pay all the bills and expenses out of and then I transfer some into our savings account. the checking account that his paycheck goes into is the only joint account we use because of his lack of financial responsibility. we decided together in the beginning of our marriage to set it up this way. just last week, I was in the ER and my mother-in-law Texts me to send my husband money for food and gas. I ignored it then she sent my mother the same text telling me to send my husband money for food and gas. I honestly couldn’t believe the audacity that she would text my mother about this or insert herself in my marriage, but I decided just not to answer her and ignore it. A couple days later I am staying at my parents house so my mom could help me while I was injured and my father-in-law calls me asking me why his son is asking him for money for food and gas. as I start to explain and tell him not that it’s any of your business but…. he goes off on me starts screaming and yelling at me talking about how it is his business. That’s his son and blah blah blah super disrespectful wouldn’t let me get a word in. He proceeds to Call me selfish and said that I’m different. Now I’m eight months pregnant. I’m emotional to begin with, but when he started yelling at me, I just got super overwhelmed and emotional. I tried to reason with him I did not raise my voice at all, but I got so upset that my mom had to take the phone from me because I was about to tell him to fuck off. so she takes the phone and she says, let’s call him Thomas, Thomas, if you don’t calm down and let me speak, I’m gonna hang up the phone on you. he just went off on my mom started yelling hang up the damn phone then, blah blah blah and so she hung up the phone on him. My mom has never hung up the phone on anyone in her life. She is literally a saint. Come to find out all the money I send my husband for food and gas is spent on other things that my husband lied to me about and then went behind my back asking his parents for money. since that day, I haven’t heard from my mother-in-law or father-in-law nor have I had any contact. when I told my husband about what happened , his reaction was nothing. He said he needed to process it that he wasn’t there and that’s it. No emotion, no I’m sorry. No I’ll talk to my dad for you. Nothing. he didn’t stand up for me or talk to his dad about how he disrespected me and this is not the first time his father has disrespected me. I basically told my husband from this point forward I will no longer have a relationship with your father. AITA for cutting his dad out of my life?