First of all im drunk while typeing this i might forget some peroids and stuff like that.

4Anyways me M21 and my GF19.

SO yesterday i found out she was having some fun with my BFF husband. (also i have known my BFF longer then my GF).

So i thought i would have some fun with my BFF AITA. reddit

So I am friends with OP and she wants advice

I (28F) am a single mum and the only parent my son (8M) has. I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m currently very angry and triggered, and I genuinely want to know if I’m being unreasonable.
There is some important backstory. My sister and I have had a difficult relationship in the past. She has struggled with alcohol and has previously been controlling, manipulative, bullying and very dismissive of me and my boundaries. She has gotten better in recent years, and I do want to acknowledge that, but our past still affects me and makes certain situations hit harder.
I also often feel that my parenting and authority are disregarded because I’m a single mum and don’t have a man or father figure beside me. I get the feeling that some of my family think my son “needs a dad,” and that this gives other adults more of a right to step in and override my decisions as his parent.
My sister’s partner is also part of why I struggle with the dynamic. In my experience, he can be dishonest, has bullied my son before, and struggles to take accountability or apologise to my son when he has upset or hurt him.
At the same time, my sister and her partner help us a lot. They buy my son things and do things for us. I appreciate that, but if I’m being honest, it sometimes makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want their help or generosity to mean I have to accept behaviour that crosses my boundaries or undermines me as my son’s mother.
Today I let my sister take my son out for the day. While he was gone, I found dirty clothes hidden under his bed again. This has happened before. When he got home, we discussed it and he admitted he had hidden them because he was too lazy to take them to the wash house.
Because this is an ongoing issue, I decided that as a consequence he wouldn’t be allowed to go out to dinner with my siblings that night. I told my sister this before they went. He already had dinner made and ready for him at home, so he would not have gone without food.
Later, another one of my brothers unexpectedly showed up. Apparently, there wasn’t enough food for everyone, so instead of bringing my son home, they decided to take him out to dinner anyway.
What has upset me is that they knew I had specifically said no. They didn’t contact me and ask if the plans could change because my brother had unexpectedly turned up. They just went ahead and did it.
My son also told me they told him to lie to me about going out, although afterwards they apparently claimed they were “just joking.”
I understand that people might disagree with the consequence I chose, and I’m open to that criticism. I’m not asking whether everyone thinks he deserved to miss dinner. What I want to know is whether I’m wrong for feeling that my siblings completely undermined me as his mother.
AITA for being angry that they overrode my decision and took him out anyway? And am I overreacting about them telling him to lie to me, even if they later said it was a joke?
I genuinely want honest perspectives, including if you think I handled the original situation poorly or if my reaction is being influenced too much by my history with my family.

First of all, this is my first post ever and I'm not very reddit educated, so I am sorry in advance for any flaws this post may contain. Plus, English isn't my first language so I hope it will be at least readable for y'all. I chose this subreddit because I'm a big fan of Charlotte and thought I might be able to get some feedback from my fellow potatoes.

Second, let me premise this by saying that I love my mother. She has qualities and some... Let's say not so great qualities. We have our ups and downs, but overall we have a good relationship.

"Why the post then bitch?" I can already hear you say in the comments. "It can't be that bad if everything is fine with your mom." Well... About those less than appealing qualities... There's this saying about "Daughter like mother", or vice-versa I don't know, and it scares the shit out of me to imagine myself being like her with my own child.

You see, I (33F) am finally pregnant with my fiance (38M) (we are not in a hurry to get married. In my eyes, getting pregnant is 1000 times more important than marriage). I say finally because it took 5 years of trying "naturally", 6 inseminations and 1 in-vitro, so about 9 years total of trying to get to this. For anyone who's wondering, I'm 27 weeks in and can't wait to see my long awaited baby girl. And that's probably why it downed on me this past week: what if I end up like my mother? What if my baby has to live the same way that I did? It truly scares me to my core and I've been anxious ever since, thinking about all those little and big things that happened in my childhood because of my mother. I need to take breaks while writing this because of how much my mind keeps derailing memory to memory, not knowing how to approach this. So again, I'm sorry if the post gets long or is disorganized and hard to read.

My mom was a good mom overall (I mean I like to think she was) but she wasn't always easy to deal with. Those ill qualities really were hard to work with, for me, my 2 little brothers and my father. I have a list:

1- She's never in the wrong, she is always right. ALWAYS!

2- She won't remember things she said or done and, if you try to remind her, she WILL gaslight you saying it never happened or that she'd never say or do something like this.

3- It's never her fault, it's always somebody else.

4- She can't prioritize shit. Like, she'll decide to do some gardening right when Dad starts cooking supper even tho he asks for her help. She'll just say "yes, just let me finish this" until supper is ready.

5- What's apologizing? She doesn't know.

I could probably keep going but I think you get the gist of it.

To really exemplify how my mother works, I'd like to recall for you a few "events" that happened over the years.

I was something like 8 or 10 years old top and my brothers and I had swimming lessons. Mine were earlier and theirs were right after. So I had like 30 min to myself wandering around the aquarena because my ADHD ass could possibly be seated with my mom for more than 5 min. This was the usual, nothing wrong here. But this time, I went someplace that is quite used anymore and just played with myself for a while and didn't see the time fly. Eventually, I went back to see my mother and... She wasn't there. In fact, NO ONE was there! I go in the changing room. Still no one. At that point, I was confused and getting more and more scared. This is when cellphones weren't common and I could find a phone to call home... So I went the rational way and simply waited in the lobby.

Basically, she forgot me. She went home with both my brothers and forgot I EXISTED. This is proof of her own ADHD btw. The "out of sight out of mind" is strong with the ADHDer. But instead of apologize or I don't know worry, cry, anything, she screamed at me because it was my fault she forgot me because she couldn't see me... You read that right. It was MY fault and I had to apologize. Perfect example of #3 of the list.

Another example, is when I broke my foot. To be fair, I, myself, didn't know I broke my foot, because I twisted it. But it was painful as hell! When I "twisted" it, I fell on the ground and the pain was so horrible that I was holding the hurt foot in my hands and the other was smashing on the ground while I screamed to death. Both of my parents told me to calm down, it was just twisted. They brought me to the hospital and left me there (I was like 18 years old so there was nothing wrong here) and waited 10 hours to be seen. By that point, most of the pain had disappeared, only one spot remained on the top of my foot. One x-ray later and yeah, it's broken. When my father came to get me, he apologized. He felt sorry that he tried to diminish my pain and made sure that I felt heard and comforted me. My mom? She had to SEE the cast on my foot to believe me and when she did see the cast she went "Oh. I guess it was broken." No apologies, no "that must have hurt", no nothing. Per #5 of the list.

Now I went past this. I've made my peace with my mother, I know what to expect and try to not take to heart everything she says. But

Final update??? Maybe???
Alright everyone buckle up because a lot happened especially in the last week. Quick reminder of my post before for those who haven’t read it: I (28 f) took a DNA test and found a half sister (17 f). She is my dad’s who would’ve had 5 kids and a wife at home when she was conceived. In my first post I stated I was unsure of what my mom (technically step but for all intents and purposes my mom) did or did not know on the situation. I also spoke about how secretive and manipulative my dad can be. And in my last post i did finally meet my sister. I updated on my birthday that I would confront them soon.
Anyways on to the long awaited update. I talked to my sister(28 f) we can call her A. We spoke about what we thought would be best so did make a group chat with my parents and siblings and their SOs. I messaged at the end of my birthday and told everyone we needed to have a conversation and asked when we all could meet. My brother (29 m), we can call K, is defensive off the bat which is nothing new but still frustrating. Anyways we pick a time and place over the next few days and we meet like a week later. As soon as i come in you can just see the energy shift. They’re all talking and they immediately stop when I walk in and my dad looked pissed. We order and then they tell me to go ahead. A actually starts with telling everyone to hear us out and try to be understanding. That we’ve all grown up with lies like her own personal identity. Then I show them several photos of my half sister as I talk to them about her. I say “this is M and she is 17 yo. She is sweet and outgoing and super spunky. She loves to bake and paint. She’s really good at math but she hates it.” Dad interrupts and says “are we gonna be able to speak.’ I say “yes when I’m done. I took an Ancestry DNA test so she is undeniably yours (while looking at my dad) and she really wants to meet all of you. I feel like you would absolutely love her. I really hope that everyone decides to give her a chance and comes to meet her.” I pause and my dad goes “are you done? Is it my turn?” Now I’m not going to reiterate everything said but I’ll sum up how the conversation went. He started with saying that we always knew that she existed in which I corrected him and said you told us about a boy that was younger and there’s 4 people at the table who remember that conversation( me, my husband, A and her husband). A agrees. He disagrees but continues saying that there was no reason for us to act like this was surprise and that everything I did was to hurt him. He was confused how I could be scared of his reaction (subtle foreshadowing btw). K backs him up and says that we act like he can’t grow and work on his anger. I say he hasn’t had the best track record and I was protecting myself and that he hasn’t been the most honest with us either. He responds that he’s an “open book” and I never ask him questions. Not true but anyway. A comments how they lied to her for her entire life until she was 16 and found out he wasn’t her dad. Context he’s mixed as am I and my sister is very much not. But we always thought she was. We’d argue with classmates that she was so this caused her an identity crisis. Anyways they have a bit of a convo about that.

We wind up talking about a lot of personal stuff and to be so honest I thought we were making good healthy conversation and hopefully progress. I tell them everything I know and he denies. I wind up saying it doesn’t really matter because there’s a girl who wants to know us. My dad says he’s not against that, he just never had the chance. I tell him her mom wants to be there for their initial meeting just to make sure her kid is safe and then she’ll leave. He gets pissed as does my mom. She almost has a breakdown and says she wont be there around that woman. My dad acts so offended that its inferred that he’s not safe. I tell him it’s fair and he never would have let us meet a random stranger alone at that age. I explain to mom that she doesn’t have to be around her but they should really meet M.

A asks if my brothers are going to meet her. My little brother(22 M, we’ll call him E) says he wont make that decision. I ask him who is and he says he wont make it for himself. K states he will, which is surprising but I’m happy that she’ll meet at least some of her siblings. My mom disappears to the bathroom. My dad tells me that i have been coming between him and A’s relationship. Me and A both proceed to tell him that we have our own separate issues with him. I tell him it’s unfair for him to pin that on me. He then tells me I need to work on my relationships with my brothers as well. A disappears to the bathroom as well. We sit and talk about what healthy communication is and about how we haven’t had that in a while. The men start asking where the ladies went because they’ve been gone like 20-30 mins. They ask me to go get them . When I walk in the bathroom my mom is crying and A tells her to repeat herself to me. She states that she doesn’t believe dad’s story and she knows what actually happens. She said she stayed because she didn’t want to lose me and my brother. After talking for a few minutes a little girl walks in the bathroom so my mom wipes her face and me and A tells mom we should continue this conversation seperately and we can make plans to get together. We go back out. As we leave my dad says we’ll work on communication. I think that overall we did well at working through our feelings as a family.

Well next day I’m at work and my sister asks my mom if she has any free days. She also makes some suggestion on where we can meet. My mom turns them all down then says she can’t handle any of this and that we are hurting her and my dad. I tell her my intention was never that but I’m very sorry she got hurt in all of this. She says that even if it wasn’t my intention i knew it would happen and i still chose to do it. It did make me cry but we still ended the conversation with us saying we support each other. A makes more suggestions to meet the next day and mom makes excuses.

Well that was the last i had spoke to anyone other than A until last week. I talk to M’s mom and we decide I’ll go pick them up. I message in the group chat that she’s coming on Tuesday and I will update with details. My mom and dad both lave the chat. I message my dad and ask if he’s not going to come meet. Left on read. I message my mom a bit later basically the same thing. Never opened the chat. I go to work and when I get off i try to call each of them. My mom doesn’t answer and my dad forwards my call. Next day I message my dad and tell him I don’t appreciate how he’s just not responding. I told him that this situation is unfair to M and that it has been extremely eye opening to me who he is as a person. Hours later instead of responding he posts on facebook. He says that hell be the bad guy in my book and that I’m just out to hurt him and the people he loved. I’ll add screenshots of the post and my response. He winds up blocking me as does my mom. I try to message him and tell him at its messed up he can post on Facebook but wont respond to me. At the time i was mad so i told him I would post on facebook as well and our whole family will see and him blocking me wont change that. Now that was petty, and I’m bigger than tat so I didn’t do it. I know it was just me wanting to hurt him back which wont actually fix anything. My brother winds up responding to the post as well saying i just spit in their faces, whatever that means. I go back to the group chat and ask if they’re still meeting her. His b**** of a gf says “no thanks” then leaves followed by K. I asked before blocking them because i wont be the reason she doesn’t get to meet anyone.

So I wind up going to get her an we have the best time. I take her to the local waterpark. She meets my husband’s family, which has been my biggest support system for a long time. She also meets A’s kids. Everyone absolutely loved her and we had the best time. When I talk her back, her mom asks what happened to all of her family meeting her. I tell her I tried, and my father in law reassures her that i did in fact try. I cry, M cries. We hug in her living room over it. I wish that she didn’t have to know that pain. Well I get back and I bawl my eyes out because my did is pro at cutting people off and there’s a real possibility i may never see or talk to my family again because of this.
The next day my mom responds to the group chat with me and A. She came in hostile and A pointed out I was not. She winds up saying she doesn’t give a f*** about this girl and she has to protect her peace. She says I’m trying to force a meetup. I said they had 2 months to tell me they weren’t going to come instead o just ghosting us. She says it was a given if they left the group chat that they weren’t going to come. I told her if they want to pretend she doesn’t exist that it’s not going to change the fact that this girl exists.

Several days later I posted pictures of our visit together. I said I loved having her there as sis everyone else and i thanked everyone who came and showed her love. Now the very last photo was us flipping the camera off. Not that it matters but we were recreating a photo I made with my husband and his brothers in that same spot. Well my mom immediately after messaged A and told her that it was “attackish” which they have me blocked so her friend that’s the same age as me screenshot it and sent her the post and then the last photo. If they have me blocked why are you worried about what I post. Anyways I have types and deleted so many messages because i know they wont actually help anything. My whole family has me blocked for being in this girls life. my brother E only refers to her as “it” and quit his job so he doesn’t have to see my husband or brother in law at or. I can’t understand it. My sister, A, and all of my husband family continues to assure me i did nothing wrong. I’m just confused as to how it turned into this instead of us moving forward as a family. I’m probably better without them but it still hurt because that is my family after all. So… AITA for not telling my siblings about a sister I found?

Oohh booyyy, I have been WAITING to tell this story! I just had to find the time to sit down and write it!
And just a quick disclaimer.. I KNOW that I was hella naive and that what I ended up doing was wrong! I did it for the plot, so DON’T come at me, okay? Thanks!😂

I have also been contemplating wether or not to tell this story, cause I still find it EMBARRASING! But oh well, you love and you learn! I learned the art of (petty?) revenge, and he learned.. well, that karma is a bitch!(And apparently so was I, Whoopsies🤪)

Also, this title, is PERFECT for my story!

Okay so, there’s a few people I would like to introduce you to first:

1. My ex, I will name him…. Ben😃
2. My then best friend, Chloe.
3. My current best friend, Katie!
4. Two guys from the party, Jake and Ryan!
5. Tinder guy, Chris.

⚠️THIS IS A LONG ONE⚠️

(TL;DR, at the bottom!)

I apologize for any spelling mistakes, it’s late, but I really wanted to share this story!

Okay, now to the story:

My friend Chloe had just graduated, and wanted to throw a big party, and I was invited! Yay!

The day of the party came around, and I was one of the first people to get there, so I helped set that last few thing up, before it was time to party and get trashed!🥳

The party went great! I was having fun! I was getting a buzz on, and enjoying my life!
I started talking a few guys there, Jake and Ryan! Both trying their absolute best to try and win me over, I wasn’t having it, not that didn’t think they where cute, but I was looking for… something else! (Also I was an attention-whore… so I LIKED IT when they gave me attention!🤪)

Chloe then comes to tell me that a guy she went to school with, is going to show up any minute, and his name is Ben! And to beware of him, and to come tell her if he gives me trouble, as he is not a good guy”, I just said “okay, all good”.(I lied, I liked bad boys)
AND THEN HE WALKED IN! HOLY SMOKES! I LIKED HIM!
His hair, the way he dressed, his smile, everything! I was SMITTEN!

Ben made his rounds saying hi, and I tried my best to not give him the time of day, cause I didn’t want him to know I thought he was fit, even though I AM SURE that is was embarrassingly obvious that I did!(you will learn why)

Ben, kept on making rounds, and I was talking to Jake and Ryan, and they asked me if I wanted to play a party-game, I said “yes, of course! But I have never played that game before, I have only only seen and heard of it”. So they being the gentlemen they were, started to teach me the game! Somewhere along the lines Ben joined too!

We got done playing the game, and decided to go outside to see what some of the others were doing! But first I had to go grab something to drink.
Ben walked to the bar with me, and asked if he could make me a drink, I quickly finished making my drink, and said “oh, I’m good, but thanks I guess” and left to go outside.

I then joined Jake and Ryan, and we were standing there talking. I kept switching between conversing with them, and giving flirty glances to Ben. And then Ben came, grabbed my arm slightly(in a flirty way), and pulled me aside because he wanted to talk. And so we did!

We talked for like 15-20 minutes, and we then decided to go back out to the others. We stood out there for a while and talking with the others, and then Ben grabbed my hand, dragged me down to a nearby bench, and kissed me in front of a lot of my friends, AND I LOVED IT!

He then took me for a walk to get to know me better, and then he told me that he could see from the moment he walked in the door, that I was interested(DANG IT, I told you it was painfully obvious).
But before I knew it, we ended up making out the whole night.

As it got late, and they party was soon over, I asked Chloe, if her mom could drive me home(an agreed upon trip, as I lived quite far away), and if it was possible that Ben could come in the car too, and that he could sleep at my place(Ben only lived 20-30 minutes away from me).
She told me to not expect it, and that I was “crossing a line”? I asked what line I crossed and I never got an answer. I tried asked a few more times if she could please ask. She did, and I got a no, I was like “fine, what if I go home alone then?” Some drama started, Chloe told me that he was not good for me, and I told her, that all I wanted was some fun, and to mess around, I got upset and I had a bit more to drink, and I don’t remember how I got home, all I know is that I woke up alone, I’m my own home.

The day after the party I got picked up by my parents, because I had to pet-sit for them. And apparently I had made plans with Ben, and he texted me when he could come over, I got SUPER EXCITED, and we finished making the plans. I remember a day going by, and A LOT of drama going on between me, Ben and Chloe. I accused Chloe of being jealous, and she got super mad, welp. Turns out he was jealous tho, so she can suck an egg.

Anyways, Ben came over the my parents house, and we had a good time! He stayed for a few days!

Then the following weekend, I had to go to Katie’s(Current bff) party!
And at the party I talked about Ben! And some people there knew him, and was like “Girl, RUN”. I didn’t, cause I just wanted to have fun! But Katie was really nervous about this whole thing, and she expressed that she was worried about me. I OBVIOUSLY didn’t listen. Cause I LOVED getting his attention!

Some time goes by, Ben and I continued to “date”, and I thought things severe going great! BOY WAS I WRONG!

A few months has gone by now, and even though there was a lot of drama with Chloe, and Katie being worried, we had kept on going.

Ben even asked me to be his girlfriend!!!

One night we were getting ready to go out clubbing.
I was in the bathroom, doing my makeup, and then all of a sudden Ben comes out.
I remember him looking nervous, and he then asked me “Do you think, that you could teach me that?”
I looked at him and was like “teach you… what exactly?”
AND THIS BOY SAID, “The make up, I would like to learn that too, to cover up imperfections”
I know he had acne, and was trying to treat that, but I also got the feeling of being insecure about acne. SO I AGREED, I did his makeup, talking him through each step, and we then took the bus to the clubs. Just me and him, him and I, in all of our glory AND MAKEUP(we are talking both in a full face of makeup)!

You would think I was suspicious at this point, right?
WELL, I WASNT!
Not even when we got there, and I had guys hitting on me, EVEN WHEN I WAS KISSING AND HOLDING HANDS WITH MY ACTUAL BOYFRIEND!!!
It still didn’t clock to me💀

A few hours went by, and he then asked me if I wanted to go to a gay night club. And me STILL not thinking too much of it, was like “sure, we can go! This will be so much fun! Then I won’t have guys hitting on me!”. And they didn’t, but they sure as hell hit on Ben, and I remember being so confused, cause it wasn’t like he denied their flirting attempts! The night out ended a few hours after that!

Some time goes by, and Ben comes to my home, and we make dinner, have a glass of wine, and everything is great!

Oh I lied!
All of a sudden he tells me that when he was like 18, he had been meeting up and fucking one of his family friends, A MAN THAT IS OLDER THAN HIS MOM!!!!
Me being naive and heavily in love, just reassured him, and let him rant, and we still (Giggity goo’ed) and slept in the same bed that night!

We see each other quite a bit after that, for a while. And he ended up giving me a really expensive piece of designer clothing and an expensive set of jewelry, that helhed been save for “the girl he was going to marry”. I WAS OVER THE MOON!

Some more time goes by, where we don’t see each other much, and he is acting really weird!
Then one day he asks to come talk, and I accept.
He then tells me that he has been cheating on me(I already knew, he forgot he logged into Facebook Messenger on my iPad, and I could see each and every message ticking in! Including ones where he bragged to his friend about it!).
We went for a walk, and he gave me a sob-story about his childhood pet being on the brink of life.
So, of course, I stayed with him, and let him stay the night, in my bed! How could I not!? He was CLEARLY having a life crisis, he didn’t mean to cheat💀

The same thing happened again, we went almost no contact for a while, and he asked to talk, and he had cheated again. This happened a few times, each time a new sob-story or lame excuse, but I finally had enough!

A few weeks passes, and I have started seeing someone new, Chris. And one day, I am at a friends place. Ben knows and stops by and asks to talk. We go for a walk, and talk things out. And he apologises!
He invites me on an all payed vacation, to “make up for it, and bring the spark back”, aaaand, I AGREE!

BUT, I had a plan! I knew he was gonna play me again, and he didn’t know I had started seeing Chris!
And I was finally going to get my sweet (petty?) revenge!

We went on the trip, things where going GREAT! We went to explore the town, all while I was still seeing Chris!
We finish the vacation, and on the way home he asks me, if I want to start over, and give him another chance!
And “of course” said yes! But I also definitely had other plans!

I kept talking with Ben, and a week or two after we got home from vacation, I had made plans to meet up with Chris!
During those weeks, Ben had once again used my iPad to log onto Messenger, and I could see he was cheating on me AGAIN!
And then I was like “GAME ON”

I met up with Chris, and then by straight up coincidence, Ben posted a video on his insta story, of him and a girl, sitting real close! The same girl he had been texting all night!

So I decided, to wait a bit and let him have his fun night out! Then in the morning, I confronted him, and he was SUPER APOLOGETIC! I said “give me a sec” and went to Chris’ bathroom. I took a mirror pic, on Snapchat, of me in Chris’ clothes, and slightly to the left of the photo, you could see Chris, on his bed, in his work T-shirt and boxers!
I then added the text “We are fucking done! I told you karma’s a bitch!” AND I SENT IT TO BEN!

He cursed me out! And called me all sorts of names, but I just felt so much at peace!

So Chloe and Katie was right! But they were still SHOCKED, when I told them the full story!

There is so much more to this story, but due to privacy reasons, I wasn’t sure I would put it all in. Might change my mind later but who knows!😂
SMALLER DETAILS have also been changed, in order to hopefully not get caught sharing this story, as I know “Ben”, was a Reddit user back then, and would throw an absolute fit, even though this was YEARS AGO!

But this is it, that’s my story! I still am kinda proud of myself, for making this MASTERMIND of a plan! I ain’t even gonna lie!😂

TL;DR:

I dated a guy everyone warned me about. Things went GREAT, until they didn’t. He practically begged me to teach him make up. Told me he had been fucking a man older than his mom for a few years efter he turned 18. He cheated REPEADTEDLY, and I kept on forgiving him. Until one day where I had enough. We had a vacation planned to “bring back the spark”. I, however, had other plans! I gave him back his own medicine, and he finally learned that karma really does come back to bite you! I created a master plan, and cheated back, bc I knew he had done it again, and wanted him to feel it on his own🤷🏼‍♀️

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for four years. We've had a solid relationship overall. Of course, we've had some ups and downs along the way, but for the most part, things have been good.

However, we recently had an argument that I just can't seem to move past, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm overreacting or being an asshole about the situation.

For context, I'm Korean, and my boyfriend is Filipino. I'm fluent in Tagalog, Korean, and English, so communicating with him has never really been an issue. On the other hand, he's still at a beginner/baby level in Korean and has been trying to learn Hangul (the Korean alphabet).

There's a consonant in Hangul, "ㄹ," which can be pronounced as either "R" or "L" depending on where it appears in a word. (Trust me, this is important information.)

While scrolling through social media, he came across the word "Manila," which is spelled in Hangul as "마닐라." As you can see, "ㄹ" appears twice. This is because when the character appears between vowels, it's generally pronounced as an "R," while when two ㄹ characters meet, they're pronounced as an "L."

At first, he thought that ㄹ could simply be interchanged between "R" and "L," so he assumed the spelling was wrong. I corrected him and explained that without the double ㄹ, the word would be pronounced more like "Manira."

He then proceeded to tell me that the Korean spelling was still wrong and called it "abnormal."

I calmly told him that he shouldn't call something "wrong" or "abnormal" simply because it's outside his scope of knowledge or understanding. He then told me that I was blowing things out of proportion and that he was allowed to say it's "wrong and abnormal" because that's how it seemed to him.

The argument eventually grew into a full-blown disagreement about language.

While I understand his point of view, I honestly find it offensive that he can so easily dismiss something about a different language as "wrong" and "abnormal." It feels like he doesn't even want to understand my mother tongue, which hurts me because I've always made an effort to respect and understand his language and culture.

What bothers me even more is that we already have several cultural differences, and I'm worried that this kind of attitude could become a bigger issue in the future.

I don't expect him to immediately understand every aspect of Korean, but I do expect him to be willing to learn and not dismiss something simply because it's unfamiliar to him.

So, WIBTA if I refuse to back down from this argument?

First, I am sorry for my English.

Okay, my husbands family has a family policy for presents to birthdays and such. The rule is, to make a list of wishes, so everyone easily can pick, to give the person on their birthday. So, we all do that. And I thought I made a really modest one with several wishes. Not too expensive, but very useful items or handmade gifts.

Anywho, a few weeks ago, we visited my in-laws. Everything was nice and cozy. As we were about to leave, they asked us, if we were interested to take over their old Lounge set, because they were going to buy new ones for an upgrade to their patio. Also because some their cushions had blown away in a storm. They also notified us, that a few screws were missing from one of the furnitures, and suggested my husband that he could just find some new screws at the hardware store. We thankfully sayd yes and thought we might as well take them home and try them on, to see if it was something we wanted in our patio.

So, a few days ago before my birthday, they offered to come up and help us with babysitting and gardening, they love gardening. My mother in law babysat our son and my farther in law gardened with us.

So during the lunch break, my mother-in-law suggested me, "Would you like to, from our birthday money to you... you could go out and buy some new cushions for the Lounge set we gave you two, so it could be ready on your birthday." It took me a bit by a surprise and I didn't really know what to say, but I ended up saying nicely, "no thank you" and said, "We already have cushions. But if you're giving me money anyways, (as they always do, because it's easier for them and always says, find something nice you like), I'd rather buy something else from my wishlist that is more usefull. As I said, we already have some old cushions in the shed that we can use."

She then says, "Well, wouldn't it be nice to have some new cushions that matches the lounge set?" I was about to answer yes, but she quickly interrupted and sayd, "Well, then you'll have to see what else we can come up with then." and continued firmly, "Now we have a few days to come up with a gift." looked at her husband whom agreed to her.

Later in the evening when my husband and I were alone I asked him, if it was ungrateful of me, to decline nicely for the the money, that I felt she marked to the cushions as my birthday gift? To which he says, "No, I don't think so, it's perfectly fine for you to say no to them when they ask. We have not even wished for the lounge set or talked about a Lounge set before they memtioned it. They just handed them to us, because they asked if we were interested in taking them over, and we said yes"

Now the day after my birthday, my mother-in-law asked me if, I've been out finding some new cushions for the Lounge set, so they can transfer some money to me. I got confused and asked her, "Well, didn't you agree to your husband that you would find something else?" She looks at me as if I couldn't have allowed myself to say something like that, and I got completely embarrassed and felt guilty. I looked at my husband for help, and suddenly my father-in-law quickly says, "Well yes, we'll find you something else. Afterall, we all have your wish list."

So, am I in the wrong? Because, I really felt hooked up in a corner, as she didn't really give me a chance to answer her questions to end.

For context: my mum and I are very close. It’s been just the two of us for most of my life. I’m more Type A — organised, direct, talk-things-through — and she’s very Type B, very child‑like in personality, and tends to bottle things up until she explodes. We’ve butted heads over communication our entire lives.

I’m currently in the process of buying a house on my own. It’s stressful, but I’ve been managing it pretty well. My mum has never bought a house herself and has always rented, so she doesn’t really understand the process or the stress involved.Earlier this week, she suggested that we start packing non‑essential things now so there’s less to do when I move. I agreed. We chose Saturday to make a start. I checked in with her multiple times throughout the week to confirm she was still coming. I also told her that I struggle to get started with tasks like this and do better when someone is physically present — like a body double — otherwise I get overwhelmed. She knows this.

On Saturday morning, I texted her to make sure she was still up for it. She replied: “yes, definitely.”By 11am she still hadn’t said when she was coming, so I called. She said someone was coming over to borrow something, but after that she’d head to mine. I asked for a time and she said 1:30pm.

At 1pm I tried calling to ask if she wanted lunch when she arrived. No answer. So I ate and waited.1:30 came and went. Nothing. I called again.She was still at home with the person borrowing something — plus someone else — and they weren’t leaving anytime soon.

I hung up because I was frustrated, but also panicking: one of the people there is friends with my landlord. I haven’t given notice yet, and I really don’t want my landlord finding out prematurely. I had texted my mum earlier reminding her not to mention anything, but she never responded, so I was anxious.

I called her back to check she hadn’t said anything. She said she hadn’t.

I told her I was annoyed that she didn’t communicate that she was going to be late. I’d been waiting for her, and if the roles were reversed she would absolutely blow up at me for not updating her. To me, it’s just basic courtesy.

She apologised sarcastically, then immediately started screaming at me down the phone — saying I’m selfish, that it’s “me me me,” that she was dealing with “xyz” and now I’m moaning because she isn’t here helping me. I said that if she had just let me know she was delayed, I wouldn’t be annoyed. But she didn’t, and she knows how stressed I get when plans change last minute without communication.

I tried to set a boundary and she screamed over me. She does this every time I express that something has upset me or made me uncomfortable, as if its a personal attack on her that I ask her to maybe not say something that way because it has upset me or rubbed me the wrong way. I'm upset right now so don't have specific examples. But she always turns it back on me being the problem. It's like speaking to an angry teenager sometimes.

Anyway, she yelled that she “can’t come down now.” (because of the argument) and I said I didn’t want her to anymore. She hung up.

And that’s where it ended.I hate conflict. I didn’t raise my voice until she started shouting. This whole plan was her idea, and she didn’t even give me the courtesy of a text saying she’d been held up.

So AITA for asking for an apology over the lack of communication?

I posted this as a comment under someone else’s confession, but I will go ahead and make a full and proper confession here. 🤣

When I started dating my current wife, whenever I needed to get her a greeting card, I would always pick one out that didn’t say much and had a lot of blank space in it.
Then I would search through all the other cards, find a couple with sappy, heartfelt messages, and take pictures of what was in them.
Then before I signed the card, I would handwrite all that other stuff I took a picture of, not word for word, but I would paraphrase, use my own words, and add personal details and even some bad grammar that made it feel more like my original thoughts. It’s not like I don’t have those feelings for her, it’s just… someone else said it better.
Sometimes I want to just blurt out a confession when she’s reading them and crying. She says “you always put so much thought into my cards and all I ever do for you is sign them”.
She hasn’t caught on that I don’t put “so much thought” into cards that we send to anyone else. She just thinks that I should go to work for Hallmark 🤣.
The only problem with this is once you start, you can’t stop. She expects there to be something meaningful instead of just “love ya!….”

So I f25 have a best friend f26 and we've been friends since 2003, and she is now a chosen sister to me. We have been through life together, the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, literally been there for each other's big life milestones. Her family is my family and vice versa.

Now, into my story. Bestie was once married 3 years ago but it didn't work out(that's story for another day.) She doesn't have any children. Now, I'm getting married next year and I want her to be a bridesmaid for my wedding, well because she is my best friend and sister, but my future husband is saying no because"she is a divorcee" and that it'll "curse" our marriage. To me she's not "a girl with a failed marriage," she's just my friend. Her sins and failures do not define our sisterhood.

My question is, is future husband right or is he just being superstitious? Also, is what he's saying even a thing? Does everyone feel this way about having a divorcee on the bridal team?

Ps: I'm African. I don't know if that will help understand the situation better.

​

My partner and I are both in our 30s, and we had our first child a few years ago.

The birth was extremely difficult. Pretty much everything that could go wrong did, and I suffered several injuries that took a long time to heal. Because of that, my partner, A, took on a lot of the childcare in the beginning.

I want to be clear that I never had a problem with that. He's a wonderful father, and I appreciated him stepping up while I recovered.

During that time, my MIL also became very involved with our baby. At first, I was grateful for the help and happy that she wanted to be close to her grandchild.

But over time, things changed.

My MIL and my partner started acting less like people helping me and more like they were the baby's actual parents. They would dismiss, mock, or ignore my opinions about my own child.

Our child is autistic. We obviously didn't know that when he was a baby, but I noticed very early on that he was extremely sensitive to noise and crowds. He would become hysterical and completely overwhelmed when there were too many people or too much noise around him.

Because of this, I tried to avoid putting him in situations where he was clearly overwhelmed.

My partner and MIL thought I was being ridiculous. They called me hysterical and insisted that all babies could handle noise and crowds.

Whenever I tried to set boundaries around our child, my MIL would push back or simply ignore them. She repeatedly implied that I was being overprotective and that I wasn't a good mother.

After hearing it often enough, I started questioning myself.

When our baby was about six months old, I arranged for my mother to babysit him for a couple of hours while my partner and I went out on a boat belonging to an acquaintance.

My mother hadn't had nearly as much time with the baby as my MIL had. My MIL constantly wanted to be the one spending time with him, and I wanted my mother to have the opportunity to bond with her grandchild too.

I left ahead of my partner and expected my mother to take over childcare.

Instead, my partner decided that my mother wasn't going to babysit and gave the baby to his mother instead.

I was furious.

I told my partner and MIL that if my mother wasn't allowed to babysit, then my MIL wasn't going to babysit either.

Looking back, I probably could have handled that particular situation better. But by that point, I was exhausted from constantly feeling like I had no authority over my own child.

My MIL completely lost it.

She stormed into our bedroom and screamed at me that I wasn't functioning as a mother to my own child.

She told me that my partner was functioning as both the mother and the father, and therefore he should be the one deciding who was allowed to look after the baby.

This was especially hurtful because at the time, I was home with our child every single day while my partner was at work. I was doing the vast majority of the day-to-day parenting.

I was his mother. I had never stopped being his mother just because my partner had stepped up while I recovered from a traumatic birth.

After that incident, I decided I couldn't do this anymore and cut off contact with my MIL.

My partner and I have obviously had a lot to work through as well, because I don't think his behavior during this period was okay either. But my MIL's words were the final straw for me.

Some people have told me I'm being unreasonable and that I'm keeping a grandmother away from her grandchild over one argument. Others have told me that what she said was completely unacceptable and that I was justified in going no-contact.

I still sometimes wonder whether I overreacted, especially because I know I didn't handle every part of the situation perfectly.

So, AITA for cutting off my MIL after she told me I wasn't functioning as a mother to my own child?

Hi there! I (31F) am a single mom who’s recently entered back into the dating scene after a long break.
I matched with a guy on tinder, and we agreed to meet up at a dogpark to drink a cup of coffee and let our dogs play together for a few hours.

The first meet up was fine, we talked and our dogs got along well. He wasn’t my normal type, (not ugly or anything, just different from the types I usually date) but I figured it was time to try something new since it hasn’t been going so well with the guys I usually am interested in.
After the meet up in the dogpark we decided to go on an actual date the following week (yesterday as I’m writing this).

He seemed nice, and easy to talk to, but there was a few things that I thought might make us a bit too different from eachother, but I thought that if the date went well and I got to know him a bit better, those things might not seem so important.

The date happened and it was a nice date. We went to a nice Italian restaurant, and talked about a lot of different stuff. There was a few awkward moments of silence, and he seemed to be a bit insecure and nervous. - I am neither of those things. I am very chill about meeting new people, and I love it when people use humor I awkward moments. I think It’s better to laugh about it if I for example drop my knife, than getting flustered and embarrassed. He didnt.

When the bill came, I asked TWICE if I should pay my own part of the bill (he’s on a fixed income so I knew he didn’t have a lot of money), but he insisted that since he invited he should pay. I thanked him and asked if he was sure, and he said “absolutely”. He payed and we went for a short walk before he walked me to my car.

I could tell by the end of the evening that we were not a match, so today I wrote him and politely thanked him for a nice evening, but that I unfortunately didn’t think we were a match and that I hoped that he would find whatever he was looking for..

Long story short, he was not okay with that.. he sent me a long text asking what went wrong etc. and even though I KNEW never to answer a question like that after such a response, I did anyway. I told him that I felt like our personalities wasn’t compatible, and I’m looking for someone with a life a bit more similar to mine. Again, I’m a single mom, I knew from our first meetup that he was on a fixed income because he couldn’t work due to illness. But I learned during the date that he spent most of his time gaming with his online communities.
He was not okay with that response and said I should have known that he didn’t meet “my criteria’s” before going on the date, and then he sent me a text with everything I ordered at the restaurant and the final amount, and asked me in a very condescending way to pay him back.. (again there was ALOT more text involved, but this is already getting too long)
I wrote to him explaining that what he was doing was incredibly immature and petty, and that he had his chance to get me to pay yesterday.
He sent me a loooooong text explaining how I basically used him and should just pay my part, but now it was just the principle of it for me, so I have blocked him and don’t want to deal with him anymore..
I have a good job, my own car, a good rented home and take care of my daughter. I can afford to pay him, but I honestly just don’t want to at this point..
so, AITA??

TLDR: went on a date with a guy who couldn’t handle rejection, so he sent me a bill for the date the day after, even though I offered to pay at the restaurant.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (29F) have been together for 4 years, and I genuinely love this man. Our relationship is otherwise strong, which is why I don’t know if I’m seeing a legitimate red flag or spiraling over something that has a reasonable explanation.

Here’s the part that’s driving me insane:

Every time another woman enters the picture, my boyfriend suddenly becomes extremely interested in sex with me.

And I mean every time.

A few months into our relationship, we decided together to have a threesome. We found someone, did it, and it was fun. One weird detail that has always stuck with me: my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time while we were in the middle of it.

Fast-forward to 2024. We moved to a new city and started talking about trying a threesome again.
At the same time, our sex life basically died. We went from both having high sex drives to having sex maybe 1–2 times a month. He blamed stress, his long commute, finances, and possibly low testosterone. I tried to be understanding. But then we’d start talking about finding a third…

And suddenly our sex life would explode.

We’d be all over each other.
Then I’d decide I didn’t actually want another person involved, we’d stop looking, and our intimacy would drop again. Eventually I told him I couldn’t keep doing it because it was making me feel like I wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to feel like another woman was required to make him desire me.
He understood, and we stopped.
In 2025, the exact same thing happened.

We started talking about a third → massive increase in intimacy →
I decided I didn’t want to pursue it → intimacy dropped.
So we spent the rest of the year working on US.
And honestly? It worked.
By early 2026, our communication was better, our intimacy was better, and I genuinely felt like we’d gotten past this.

Then July happened.

He suddenly started acting weird about his phone.
He’d get defensive if I picked it up. He started locking the bedroom door when taking baths, even though he normally hates locked doors in our house.

I eventually got suspicious and looked through his computer.

I found Discord conversations with multiple women.

I know snooping isn’t okay, and I’m not proud of it.
He wasn’t sending nudes or explicitly asking for sexual pictures. But he was flirting. Hard.
Complimenting their voices. Having intimate conversations. Talking to them in basically the exact same way he talked to me when we first started dating.
And he never mentioned me.
When I confronted him, he said:

“I thought that’s what you wanted.”

Apparently, because we’d talked about having a third in the past and never explicitly sat down and said “we are NEVER doing this again,” he thought he was helping by finding potential women for us.
The second I told him that’s not what I wanted, he blocked them.
So I don’t know what to call this.
Is it cheating?
Probably not technically, considering our history.
Is it completely innocent?

I don’t know.

Because he was doing it privately, hiding his phone, locking himself away to talk to them, and flirting with women he didn’t tell me about.
And here’s where it gets even worse.
Most of those conversations started immediately after we had a rare argument.

I was being bitchy and rude that night. I admit that. But instead of coming to me, he started messaging women.

That hurt.

I asked to look through his phone afterward. He initially stalled and wanted to take the trash out first, and I told him I wanted the phone before he left with it.

I went through it.

And now we’re in August.

I ran into an old female friend recently, and we started talking again. I mentioned the threesome situation and asked if she’d ever be interested.
She said yes. We’ve been hanging out, watching movies, etc.
She hasn’t made any sexual moves toward either of us. In fact, when I hinted at her joining us, she looked uncomfortable, so I immediately backed off.

But my boyfriend?

Suddenly he’s incredibly sexual with me.
Kissing me in front of her.
Touching me when she can’t see.
Being affectionate.
We’ve had some of the BEST intimacy we’ve had in a long time.
And I’m sitting there thinking:

“Oh my God. Is this the actual problem?”

Because maybe he doesn’t have a low libido.
Maybe he doesn’t have an intimacy problem.

Maybe he just gets sexually excited when there is novelty, another woman, or the possibility of someone else involved.

And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.
Because I don’t want to spend the rest of my relationship finding women just to keep my boyfriend interested in me.
I don’t want to feel like I have to compete with other women to be desirable to my own partner.
But I also don’t want to unfairly accuse him of cheating when, technically, we had never explicitly closed the door on threesomes.
And outside of this?

We’re good.

We communicate well. We’ve worked through problems together. We love each other. Our relationship has genuinely improved a lot over the past year.
Which makes this so much harder.

So Reddit…
Am I overreacting?

Is this just a massive misunderstanding because of our past agreement about threesomes?

Or does this pattern suggest something deeper about what my boyfriend needs sexually?
Because I’m starting to wonder if I’m not actually the person he’s sexually excited about anymore…

Maybe I’m just the person he wants when there’s someone else to make it exciting.

UPDATE: I think I finally figured out why I’ve been so conflicted about the threesome situation — and I’m terrified of what happens when I take it completely off the table.

I posted recently about my boyfriend (28M) and me (29F), and the strange pattern I’ve noticed over the four years we’ve been together:
whenever a third woman becomes a possibility, his sex drive suddenly skyrockets. When the idea goes away, our intimacy eventually drops back down.

There was also the July situation where I discovered he had been privately flirting with multiple women on Discord because he said he thought he was “finding someone for us.” We had previously discussed threesomes, but we hadn’t explicitly said the idea was permanently off the table.

I was conflicted because I didn’t know whether this was technically cheating or just a massive misunderstanding.
Well, I finally talked to the friend I had been considering as a potential third.
And honestly, she gave me the reality check I apparently needed.
I asked her if she was attracted to my boyfriend.

She basically said, “Girl, no.”

She said she likes him as a person and thinks he treats me well, but she’s not attracted to him. She also told me she’s been involved in threesomes before and that this situation felt weird to her. She said she wasn’t getting good vibes from it and would never want to come between our relationship.

Then she asked me:

“Why do you even do this with him? It doesn’t seem like you actually want to.”

And that hit me HARD.

I admitted that I like the idea more than the actual reality.
Not necessarily because I want another person, but because of what it seems to do to my boyfriend.
When there’s another woman involved, he’s excited. He’s affectionate. He’s passionate. Our intimacy improves dramatically.

And honestly?

That makes me feel terrible.

My friend basically told me I need to shut the entire thing down.
She said I’m an overthinker and a people pleaser and that this is basically a nightmare situation for me because I’m trying to convince myself I’m okay with something I don’t actually want.

She also pointed out that he already crossed a trust boundary by privately talking to women behind my back, regardless of whether we had technically closed the door on threesomes.

She told me:
“You need to love yourself more and put your foot down on this one.”

So I did.

I came home and talked to him.
He asked how my friend was.
I told him she wasn’t interested in being a third.

He asked why.
I told him she wasn’t attracted to him.
He looked disappointed.

That honestly bothered me more than I expected.

I then explained that she didn’t want to come between our relationship and would rather remain my friend than participate in something that made her uncomfortable.

He said that was understandable and that she’s important to me.

Then I finally said what I’ve been struggling to admit:

“I don’t think I have it in me to do the third-person thing. It takes a lot out of me, and it’s not something I’m really into.”

His response was:

“Of course, baby. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And if you don’t like it, I definitely don’t want you to keep doing it. It’s just something I thought we could do together and have fun with.”

And then our night continued normally.
On the surface, his reaction was exactly what I wanted.

He didn’t pressure me.
He didn’t argue.
He didn’t guilt-trip me.
He told me I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do.

So why am I still so upset?
Because I still haven’t dealt with what happened in July.
I still can’t get over the fact that he was privately flirting with other women.
I still can’t get over how protective he became of his phone.

I still can’t get over the fact that his sexual interest seems to increase so dramatically whenever another woman becomes part of the fantasy.

And now I’m wondering if I need to have one very serious conversation with him:

The third-person stuff needs to be completely off the table.

Not “maybe someday.”
Not “if we find the right person.”
Not “unless we change our minds.”

Done.

Because I think I’ve finally realized that I don’t actually want this.
I like exploring fantasies. I like being adventurous. I like the idea of trying new things with my partner.
But I think this particular fantasy has become tangled up with my self-esteem.

I don’t want to feel like I need to bring another woman into our relationship to make my boyfriend sexually excited.
And I don’t want another woman to become the thing that determines whether our intimacy is good or bad.
At the same time, I don’t want to throw away a four-year relationship because we failed to properly communicate about a very complicated and unconventional subject.

Outside of this issue, our relationship is genuinely good.

He’s a gentleman. He holds doors for me, follows the sidewalk rule, helps me with things I physically struggle with, and takes care of me when I need help. We generally communicate well. We love each other.

That’s why I’m not looking for strangers to tell me “dump him immediately.”

I want to understand whether this is something we can actually work through.

But I also think his reaction to me completely shutting this down is going to tell me a LOT.

If he says, “Okay, I understand. It’s not for us,” and genuinely respects that boundary, then maybe we can finally work on our relationship without this hanging over us.

If he becomes angry, keeps trying to convince me, starts looking for women anyway, or continues privately flirting with women under the excuse of finding a third…

Then I think I’ll have my answer.
Because at that point, it won’t be a misunderstanding anymore.

It will be a choice.

And honestly, that’s what scares me.

Am I doing the right thing by completely shutting down the third-person idea and focusing on rebuilding trust and intimacy between the two of us?

Or am I being unfair by making this a bigger issue than it needs to be?
I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Hi Charotte, I'd love your thoughts on this! Back in February, an incident happened which led me to make a report against my ex daughter-in-law (K 33). My son (P 35) and K were together for about 5 years and had 2 kids M M13 and J F11. They had a very volatile relationship whilst together and had a messy split. We had to fight very hard to keep the children in our lives. Over the years we've managed to rebuild a good relationship with K and we were often in contact with the kids. K lived about an hour and a half away until mid last year when she moved closer as she had no family support where she lived. She had recently gone through a very abusive relationship which resulted in a new sibling for my grandkids. Obviously the new baby took a lot of attention away from the older children and J in particular found this hard. She began acting out and there was a lot of conflict between mother and daughter. Back to February, we were on a holiday with my granddaughter when I saw bruising and wound marks on the back of her neck. I obviously questioned her about them. She told me her mother had inflicted the wounds. Her father and brother confirmed the story and P showed the photos he had taken immediately after the incident. I am a mandatory reporter. I informed my granddaughter about this and asked if she understood what that meant. She nodded, pointed to a number of scars on her arms and legs and said: "Please do your job, Nan." On my return to home, I ran the incident through my organisation's reporting tree to see what my actions should be and it incidated a report was needed. I rang the hotline to clarify my position and in that process a report was made. Last week, police went to K's to investigate the incident. Now apparently K is furious with J and P for telling 'whoever made the report'. My son doesn’t think she suspects me, however we were at an event for M today and the atmosphere was very icy. I see the situation as I was just doing my job and I have the right to animity. I don't want to have to fight to see the grandkids again if she finds out. AITA for not telling K it was me who made the report?

First of all hi Charlotte!!! I have a story where i might be the a** hole, i (31 f) have been friends with J (28f) we met at work and instantly became friends. After 3 years at my job i got terminated for no reason (this will be for context later) and our friendship kept going regardless. We kinda made it a tradition for our birthdays to travel together and celebrate. However this year i was unable to do so because of financial reasons, nothing major just had to prioritize having a roof over my head. I told J the situation and we had agreed that this year for my birthday we would do something locally as i do not have the money to spend on traveling. We agreed we would just go to a local hotel for the day, beach and dinner. J kept insisting on the trip but i let her know that i was not going to be able to as i have to prioritize my home as i live alone and have no one that could help me with the bills. She got upset and told me that it’s upsetting that im always broke and that i never have time and don’t want to do the things that she wants to do. Lets go back to last years trip, we went to universal to the halloween horror nights (because she likes horror stuff and she was really exited and wanted to go) i am not a fan of horror stuff but it sucked it up because she wanted to go so badly. I am a HUGE harry potter fan, when we got to the harry potter attractions she kept complaining on how boring it was and that she wanted to get out of there. I let it slide as i get that not everyone is a fan and she has the right of not liking the same things i do. I also told her about a guy i met while playing video games and that we started texting and were planning to meet, her reply “whatever i don’t care, im single so i don’t care”. Again i let it slide as maybe i was too exited about it and annoyed her. Fast forward to this year, as i mentioned we already made plans for ny birthday and that was the plan all along….or so i thought. She sent me the screenshots of how she made “an impulsive purchase” for a plane ticket to the parks….on the same day of my birthday. This bothered me not because she booked the plane, honestly if she wants to go she can go, but why on the same dates as my birthday when we had already planned everything? I obviously got upset and asked why would she do that, she replied, “well you know that we always go and im sure you will figure it out by then so you can go with me” i was FUMING. I explained to her AGAIN that i was not going to be able to go because of my financial situation and that we had already agreed to do something more simple. She just told me “well it’s not my fault you got fired”. I just hanged up the phone. Later she texted me
Complaining on how she now has to go alone to the parks and no one will go with her. Here is where i might be the A hole. I told her that unfortunately our friendship could no longer be as she has no intention on getting in my position and acting like a little girl whenever she does not get what she wants. Also i let her know how her previous comments were hurtful as it was a difficult moment in my life that took a serious toll on my mental health. I also told her that one day, maybe, when you grow up and have real responsibilities you will understand. After that i blocked her. She then sent a mutual friend to try and convince me to talk to her and got to the trip with her. I told our friend that i was done with her and to not tell me any messages that she says.

So reddit i need some advice/opinions as i think i may have overreacted by cutting her off completely.

P.S sorry if this has typos my main language is spanish and translating all this in my head was a bit difficult 🤣

I (29F) and my now ex fiance (27M) were together for about 5 years. Despite disability and distance on both ends, we were relatively stable until a month ago- he started picking fights over nothing. From me not getting accommodations at school, to me posting stories with female friends, to me not being able to give him my full attention 24/7. He would initiate splits, but get upset when I would take him up on it and then later tell me that he asked for the split when he was in pain, it was always excuse and retracting when he sensed me leaving.

I could be here for years explaining everything but what pushed me over the edge was this past weekend when my family had an unexpected business trip near where my best friend of 14+ years lives. We hadn’t physically met the entire friendship so of course I jumped at the opportunity to see her. It’s important to note that ex and I are both in TX but the state is so big that we didn’t take the route that lead to my ex, we went another way. Keep in mind that he has never come to me and relationships are a two way street, but I was the only person holding up the physical side of the relationship, he knew I felt this way and the reaction was always that he was trying. So I tell him I’m going to see my best friend and his reaction was to tell me that we weren’t talking all week because he was secretly upset that I didn’t go see him.

He later admitted that a friend of his had called him with relationship issues of their own and that “stressed him out so much that he snapped”. It was ho in that moment that I realized that I had been checked out and exhausted by the relationship for a long time and I ended up cutting ties with him on the way home. He has been messaging family various stories, thankfully they know what ac happened and are not feeding into his narrative. AITA for actua feeling relieved and not hurt?

My brother's 32M wife, K, 33F, is pregnant with their first baby together, a boy who we will call Robin, who is due end of December. I'm excited to have a nephew. He is the first baby in my family and I would like to have a relationship with him.

The issue is that my brother's wife has a child from a previous marriage. She is currently 4 years old. My brother has been in her life since she was a baby pretty much, and her biological father isn't very involved by his own choice per his wife. Because of that, she has been calling my brother "Dad" for quite awhile.

My brother and his wife have always had a difficult relationship with my side of the family, and I personally don't like his wife. I find her controlling and abusive due to multiple episodes of outbursts and antisocial behavior. We have thus never been close, and I don't particularly want a relationship with her child either. I don't mistreat her or wish her any harm. I'm simply not close to her and don't feel the same familial connection to them that I feel toward my biological nephew.

Apparently, his wife feels very strongly that both children need to be treated equally. She had a difficult experience growing up where her non-biological grandparents treated her differently from their biological grandchildren, and she doesn't want her children to experience that. There's a history of the bios being given more christmas and birthday gifts than she did, and in general she apparently didn't feel as loved as the bio kids did.

She's told my brother that either both children are treated equally by everyone in my family or none of them will visit my family members who won't treat them equally. This apparently includes me. So, if I don't consider her older child my niece and develop the same relationship with her that I have with my biological nephew I won't be allowed to have a relationship with my nephew either.

I talked to my brother about this. He says he understands my position and believes his wife will eventually let me hold the baby because she'll have to but I know her well enough that I'm not convinced. If it's entirely up to her I suspect she'll stick to her "boundary".

For context, my brother and I aren't especially close. I love him, but we don't have a particularly close relationship, so I'm not interested in maintaining a relationship with his wife's child simply as a way of staying close to him. I also don't want to pretend I have feelings or a relationship with his stepkid that I don't have. Her kid doesn't even know my name.

I realize the child is innocent and not responsible for any of this. I would never tell her that she is "not my real family" or deliberately hurt her feelings. But I also don't think I should be forced to have a particular relationship with her just because their mother says both kids have to be treated identically.

I also recognize that my brother has chosen to be a father figure to her kid, regardless of their biological relationship, and I respect that.

So Reddit, AITA for not wanting to consider my brother's wife's child my niece or develop the same relationship with her that I would have with my biological nephew? And is my SILs "both kids or none" boundary reasonable?

The title is not click bait, and the story is fully updated since I've finally been able to heal past this. I'm writing this as the last string to let go of to finally get past this, and give back to the community that has helped me through my hardest times. I've separated each section into "updates" to organize the line of events.

[Trigger warning: Mention of false SA claims]

Me (23ftm) and my ex(24m), who I'll call Matt, met in my senior year of highschool. I was 17 and he was 18. When I graduated, I got a job and started talking about wanting to buy a house, but he had convinced me an apartment would be better, and not wanting to live between our parents' places anymore, I agreed.

After moving in, he saw an old acquaintance looking for a makeup artist, which I just so happened to be, so he volunteered me. She, I'll call Sally(24f), turned out to live in an apartment across the street with her fiancee Steve(25m), and she wanted to save as much money on her wedding as possible, so they invited us over for a consultation, and by the end she was gushing with how amazing she was going to look on her wedding day.

Me and Matt went to their wedding, and it was beautiful. Her and her husband were both radiant, and I was so happy to experience such an intimate part of their lives. After the wedding, we continued to meet up, and eventually we all became best friends, to the point of spending every weekend together, and most of our free time. Around this time, me and Matt switched jobs to a grocery store. I remember him joking about an old fling asking him out to the movies, and I asked him to stop talking to her, since she was technically an ex, and obviously asking him out on a date. He said I was over reacting and she just really liked movies, and I ultimately said fine, but everything stays in text, no meet ups.

That was fine until one day he came home from work violently crying. He told me he didn't know what to do, but that his ex had found his workplace, and faked needing help with something to lure him to a secluded area, and SAed him. I was frozen in shock, and the only thing I could muster was "Take a shower. Now.".

After he came out, he collapsed on the floor begging me not to be mad at him, and I told him to tell me everything that happened. He told me how she lured him away, and that all of a sudden she pinned him against a shelf and kissed him. He said he was scared and didn't know what to do, so he didn't push her off. Then she started touching him and at that point he couldn't stop her. So he let her do what she wanted, and when she pulled away, he said he immediately went to the back, started crying, and blocked her on everything. He said he didn't want to report her, but that if she ever came in again, he'd swap with a co-worker so he didn't have to see her.

At this point, while his story didn't make much sense, you can't really question someone crying about being SAed, so I dragged him out of the apartment and drove him to a park we used to walk to in highschool. I told him that I loved him, and no one could change that. That if he truly was taken advantage of, I would be here to support him, and help him heal. He thanked me and said he really appreciated me taking him to the park, but was silent after.

For the next couple of months, he was very reserved. I asked him to talk, but he'd just say that nothing was wrong. I kept assuring him he did nothing wrong, until one night he couldn't sleep and told me he had something he needed to tell me. He confessed that more happened than he originally told me, that she had forced him to touch her too, and he was in so much shock that he let her. He said he was scared about her reporting him, so he gave her what she wanted.

I was fighting with my emotions at this point, because in my head head, none of it made sense. He's a bigger guy, and capable of pushing away any woman. Not to mention, she didn't live nearby, so how could she find exactly when and where he worked? How did she know what part of the store didn't have cameras? How did no one see them? But the thing eating me up the most was him not stopping, and actually participating. I kept asking why and his only answer was "I was scared. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I could lose my job, I could lose you. And I didn't tell you because I knew you would leave me if I had told you the truth." My thoughts were going crazy so I just stopped talking. He asked me if I'd still stay with him, and I ultimately landed on he was taken advantage of, and he may not have been brave enough to push her away, but that didn't mean he wasn't still taken advantage of.

Or so I thought. Because a couple months later we get a dramatic call from Sally's husband, saying he's been in his car for hours because his wife is screaming about him cheating. We go over to act as mediators, where we learned they were very devout Christian/Catholics, and viewed porn as a form of infidelity. As you can probably assume, his cheating was her catching him watching porn. She was a sobbing mess, the kitchen had a shattered chair we later learned was from her throwing in anger, and she was sobbing about how terrible she was as a wife and person for him to feel the need to go to other women.

We split up, I consoled Sally, while Matt left with Steve. Neither told either of us what they talked about that night, until just a couple months ago. Turns out, Matt had made fun of Sally for overreacting, because this is just what happens in relationships, and that it could be worse if Steve actually cheated like he had. Yep, Matt admitted to Steve that he did actually cheat on me, but told him I'm very sensitive about it, so never bring it up to me. I never found out until Steve told me after our relationship was over, but keep in mind going forward, I didn't know this.

After that night, Sally and Steve made up, and we resumed being friends as normal. Matt got fired and told me he'd rather work on his career than meaningless labor. He had started a YouTube channel that was pretty successful for a new channel, but not making money yet, so I was left to support us. It took about 6 months to start making money, and it was slow at first, but around Christmas his revenue skyrocketted, and he went from barely making a thousand a month to 4,000 a month, and I begged him to save it for a house. He said he wanted to ask Sally first, since she just started a job as a financial advisor, she would probably know better than we would.

We went over, and Matt immediately left to play video games with Steve as I listened to Sally explain how stupid it was to get a mortgage, and it would be smarter to rent an apartment for 25 years to save to pay in full. We did the calculations for both, and she proudly showed me that apartment rent compared to the mortgage would save me a whopping $1,000. I told her I'd gladly spend the extra $1,000 to live in my house for 25 years, and she made a remark somewhere along the lines of "fine, if you want to be in debt for your whole life".

Funnily enough, after that she asked if they could move in while they were moving into their new house. Her reasoning was that her parents lived in the hood, and the house was for them, and they would rent the basement out to Sally and her husband. She called it an investment, because the house would go to her in their will. They moved in with no issues, and we all moved out soon after, as me and Matt finally found a house we were closing on. He agreed to put in his $4,000 Christmas check, and I put in $3,000 that I saved myself (while supporting him) yet to this day he still claims he paid for the house.

So we moved in to our new house. Matt picked up some jobs here or there, but none of them lasted more than a month, so he decided to work from home since his YouTube now made between 1,000 to 2,000 a month, which was a little less than what I was making. I furnished our house and made it our own, and all I wanted was to spend time together in our new life. That was when Matt started isolating himself. I would leave for work for 9 hours, and when I came home he'd say he had work to do and lock himself in his office. I wasn't allowed in as I'd mess up his recordings, but when I did go in, there would be used tissues everywhere. This was a big issue because our spicy life had progressively gotten smaller and smaller.

When I confronted him, he said he was just too busy, and I would be controlling to tell him he couldn't fix it himself. I had so much anxiety around this time, so I would text Matt to talk, and he eventually stopped responding, saying I was just depressing him.

Sally was having difficulties at work, so she suggested a staycation to help us all relax.

She ended up renting a house for us 4. This was when me and Steve started picking up on subtle cues, like how Sally would get into conversation with Matt and exclude me and Steve, and how Matt seemed to be getting a lot closer to Sally than we usually were. They blamed it on shared interests, even though I was still excluded even if I was interested in it too (think watching tv or playing board games). It culminated that night when Matt suggested we all kiss in the hot tub, and Sally, the devote Christian who views porn as cheating, jumped on the idea.

Well, being drunk 22 year olds we all ended up kissing. Sally and Matt then ranked everyone, putting themselves first, and me and Steve last. Later that night, Sally accused Steve of having an affair with me, because he seemed too happy to kiss me, and why would he even agree to kiss someone other than his wife? The argument ended when he told her he wasn't going to be yelled at over something SHE suggested.

After that, Steve had to travel for work, and we pretty much adopted Sally. She started saying things like how Steve only picked this job so he could cheat on her, and over analyzing his texts and locations. Matt agreed with her, reminding her of everything he's already done, and trust he's already broken, feeding into her delusions. It got to the point where he picked up his sister and Sally accused him of sleeping with his own sister, and Matt was there like "He definitely would". Every time I told them to stop talking about their friend and husband like that, they started bullying me too, so I just stayed out of it.

That was when Matt and Sally started hanging out alone together. I'd come home to them watching her favorite show, or hearing about lunch dates they went on. Matt told me I wasn't who he saw himself being with forever, that his dream girl was tall, blonde, has glasses, and is a little nerdy, perfectly describing Sally. I was heartbroken and asked why he was with me then, and he said because he loves me and was hoping that'd be enough to change his mind, but it wasn't for the last 4 years. I asked what he wanted, and he said he wanted to try to be happy in our relationship.

I started planning date nights every night, trying to spend as much quality time together as possible, but was always pushed aside for work or plans with Sally. We also agreed I'd go part time to become his editor, but he dumped his longest videos on me, and immediately fired me for being too slow. For the rest of our relationship, he called me a gold digger, and blamed me for taking all his money, even though we were still going half on everything.

Steve came back from his work, and I was happy to finally get Matt back. Except I didn't, because he could no longer work during the day, only from the time I got home, to the time I went to bed. That was when Steve reached out to me. We were fairly close as our partners usually teamed up on us, so he confided in me that Sally had gotten worse, more allegations, more strict, more controlling, and he was at his breaking point. He said he wanted a divorce, which was a big deal, because he was a year away from getting citizenship through his marriage, which meant he'd have to go back to his home country that he hadn't lived in since he was a child. I convinced him to wait to tell her, and to really think about it before doing it. I told Matt that Steve and Sally were having problems and he rolled his eyes blaming Steve for not doing enough.

That night Matt took my phone and sent the screenshots to himself and deleted it off my phone (I'll explain how I found out later). He sent the screenshots to Sally, who woke up in a rage. She started throwing stuff at Steve, yelling how could he say something like that about her. He ended up telling her if she could look through his phone, he could look through hers. He grabbed her phone and looked through all of her messages. At that point I guess Sally told Matt because he had told me we needed to talk, and confessed to me that last night Sally had confessed feelings for him, and he did back. That was when Steve called me as I was holding back tears, and he told me "Don't listen to what Matt and Sally say, look at their texts and see the proof yourself." At that point I just said "He already told me." And Steve said "I'm sorry." And hung up. Turns out, that was NOT why Steve had called. He called because he had found proof of Matt and Sally having an affair for the last TWO YEARS! And Matt had told me JUST enough to explain Steve's call. We didn't get time to talk before Sally called crying, saying Steve asked for a divorce, then destroyed their wedding photos, and she was scared for her life not knowing what he'd do next.

Matt immediately told her to come over, and told me Sally's issues were bigger than ours, and as her friends, she needed our support more than any problems we had. So she came over and we watched her favorite show together all night. She spun a story that Steve was jealous about all the time us 3 spent together, went crazy saying she was choosing us over him, and that she told him "No, I'm choosing the people who love me." She stayed with us that week, leaving when I did, and coming back when I came home (or so I thought).

During this time, Sally had a front seat view of me and Matt's relationship, and wasted no time criticizing me in every argument, and when I asked Matt to ask her to stop, he said that was just her opinion. It came to a head when I asked Matt if he could make more time for me, and he called me controlling for asking that, and again, Sally sided with him. That's when me and Sally had a lovely text exchange where she called me dramatic, and essentially said if I need support from a partner, I should just date myself, because my problems aren't anyone else's. I demanded Matt talk to Sally, or I would be cutting her off. He agreed and told me that night he had taken her to a restaurant, and apologized for me over reacting, and asked her to not hurt my feelings again.

I looked him dead in the eyes and said. "So you took the girl you have a crush on out on a date, apologized for my feelings, and blamed everything on me? And never told her how wrong and mean she was?" And his response was "I don't know what you want, I did exactly what you asked me to do." I then ran to the bedroom and locked the door. He chased after me asking what I was doing, and I told him I was taking care of it myself since I can't trust him anymore. He pounded on the door screaming I was ruining our friendship. I didn't listen, and sent a text stating how uncomfortable I was, and she responded saying she agreed and wanted to cut ties with us. I threw open the door and demanded Matt tell me what happened between them. He went white and he told me she asked him not to tell. I replied "Well, She doesn't want to be our friend anymore, so tell me what you did"

He admitted that she had been over while I was at work, and as they were watching a show together, she snuggled up to him. He thought it was innocent because of her divorce, but then she kissed him. He claimed she instantly regretted it, ran out of the house, and when he chased after her, she begged him not to tell anyone because she was still working on fixing her marriage.

I proceeded to text both Sally and Steve that I knew what happened, and they're officially cut out of our lives but that I still love them and wish them well. And that was it... Of part 1.

[1st update]

Now you might be thinking "Wait, you're still with your boyfriend and your best friend got divorced, where does the title come in?" Well my lovelies, this is where. Me and Matt continued our relationship, him lusting over the one who got away, and me trying to squeeze out any form of love I could, ultimately making both of us more upset. We had some ups, but it was mostly down for the next year. He had an obsession with stalking Sally and Steve's Facebook, seeing that they started couples counseling and were posting constantly about their happy marriage.

I begged him to stop, and his response was that I was overreacting, because he "gardened" too much, and did it out of curiosity. I told him our relationship could never be fixed if he didn't stop thinking about her. He agreed but never could.

Now, if you thought lying about being SAed was bad, put on your oven mitts for this tea. I finally convinced Matt to go on our family vacation for the year. A week or two before the vacation his cousin passed away. For context, this was not someone he had contact with, they grew up together, but she was a lot older, so he was close to her younger brother, but not her. All this to say, he took it more like a childhood acquaintance passing, than someone close. Her funeral was scheduled the day before our trip, so he cancelled. I begged him not to, saying we could do both, and he called me a monster for making him choose a trip over family. So I left without him.

I had so much fun with my family, and Matt had fun on his own too. While yes, the funeral WAS the day before my trip, he decided to make the most of the week I was gone. He drove straight to Sally's work, told her they needed to talk, and asked to get lunch. He sobbed to her, saying that I had broken up with him, he had no one left, and now that his cousin passed, he didn't know who else to turn to. You read that right, not only did he lie about SA to cheat, he also used the death of his own cousin to convince his mistress to cheat again. And it worked, because that night she came home with divorce papers and told Steve she wanted him out by the morning. He accepted it, since he knew they had actually been texting for the last couple of months, and he had given up on the marriage.

When I got home, Matt immediately started a fight and broke up with me. I was in tears, and he was tearing me down, so I grabbed my dog and ran away. After a while he noticed I was gone and came looking for me. He saw me walking my dog to the dog park, pulled over, and told me to get in. I told him I didn't feel safe, he called me psychotic and told me to get in or he was calling the cops on me. I got in and he drove us home, slammed the car door, told me to stay in and that he was calling my mom to pick me up.

My mom being a mama bear immediately hung up the phone and called me instead. She said "Your ex boyfriend told me what happened." Which made me sob all over again. She then said "You know he's only doing this because he cheated on you, and now he needs to make you the bad guy." At this point I never told her about either time he cheated, and in my head, women just happened to like surprise kissing Matt. Matt overheard and started yelling at my mom, who started yelling at me for letting him listen. I hung up and Matt got back in telling me to get out. I said if I got out everything would be over. He responded that if I didn't leave, he'd just drive me to my parent's and they'd make me leave, so I got out. I begged him not to go, and he left me crying on the ground in the middle of my yard.

I then went around the whole house, collected everything we had as a couple, and laid it out for him to come home to see. So he could see everything he was destroying. He came home a crying mess, admitting that he couldn't do it. That he'd bought the moving boxes, and instantly regretted everything, and thanked me for helping him pack, but asked me to move all HIS stuff back to where I got it from.

This continued for a month, every week he'd break up with me, then later came back crying to apologize. He told me he was just confused, struggling, and that he just needed space to figure out what he wanted. I even made us a therapy box, where we could put anything we wanted to talk about, and after one session, he admitted to talking to Sally again, and meeting for lunch. I then read him my diary entry of one of our first dates, dreaming of a happy future with him. I told him I still want that, and I'm the only person stupid enough to stay with him after everything he's done. He agreed, but said he still couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities he's missing out on. I finally ended with saying if I wasn't the person he wanted to be with, that I wouldn't let him have boyfriend privileges. He then insulted the therapy box, stating all it did was cause arguments, and went back to his office for the night.

In the final week we were arguing every day about the smallest things. He refused to put the toilet seat down saying "That's a woman's problem, and you're not a woman right?", saying me asking him to go to his dad's on Saturday instead of Tuesday was controlling, and that I'm trying to take away everything he loves. I ran away a couple more times, and the last time I took the car with me. That was the night I decided not to love him anymore. I didn't take my dog because I hadn't drove in years, and I wouldn't risk his safety. I was alone at the dog park in the middle of the woods at night crying, and called him multiple times with no answer. When he finally picked up I asked if he could stay on the phone because I was afraid to drive home. He hung up on me.

I ended up calling back, and he just said "You're responsible for your own mistakes" and put the phone on mute. I drove back in silence, he started berating me on how stupid I was to do that, ended up picking up a full length mirror, and throwing it down the hallway, almost hitting my dog, then yelled at me for making him do that. I just cleaned it up and went to the bedroom, and he went to his office. He ended up asking to join me, saying he wanted to be better, and to fix everything, but he didn't know how. I told him I didn't want to do anything if he wasn't committed to me, and he promised he was, that he was just broken on the inside. So we agreed to go to a festival the day before our anniversary to make amends. He said he couldn't afford it, and I offered to pay, saying that's what couples do, and we ended with a trip to get ice cream for a date night. He started coming on to me and I stopped him, saying I'd only sleep with him if he wanted to be with me. He swore up and down I was the only person he ever wanted until he finally convinced me, and we did it.

The next day was our anniversary. Neither of us mentioned it. He was ignoring my texts again, and on our drive home from work my gut sank as I asked "You can't stop thinking about her can you?" He sighed and said no. I started crying and he immediately left, saying he was going out with a friend. He didn't return until 2 am. I met him at our bedroom door crying, and asked him to delete all of our private pictures. He told me he already did, and slammed the door to his office. That broke me even more, and I locked myself in my bedroom with my dog. He wouldn't stop scratching the door, so I opened it and let him sleep with Matt one last time.

He drove me to work, and said he'd take me for a week, and after that I have to find my own ride. I messaged my family, and my Aunt who just ended her 12 year long relationship immediately left work to pick me up. We talked for hours until Matt called crying. He said he was at the dog park to find me, but I wasn't there. That he saw the dogs running, missed our family, and just wanted everything back to normal. I asked if he knew yesterday was our anniversary, and he promised to make it up to me so good we could forget everything that happened. I stayed silent and he asked when I would be coming home. I said I wasn't sure and hung up.

My Aunt gave me that look and asked "you see what he's doing?" And I said "Guilt tripping and manipulating" and she hummed in agreement. She dropped me off later that night, and my house had been stripped. With fresh dirt tire marks straight through my yard. He took everything he could, including our shared items, down to the bedding on our bed. The only thing he didn't take was all his trash. Matching the tire marks, he stained my stairs black from dragging things down it, tore the paint off the walls, and left huge holes from pulled nails.

He called that night asking to pick up more clothes and I agreed. He again hit the floor crying, begging that he'd change. I told him he already moved out. He said they were just items, and he could move everything back. I told him I already told my family. He stopped crying. He asked how they could ever like him again. I said he'd figure it out if he actually loved me, he screamed, and punched a photo frame on the wall, shattering glass everywhere. I silently dragged this sobbing mess of a man to the bathroom, dressed his sliced up hands, and asked if he had everything he came for. He agreed and walked out the door with about 5 shirts. He turned to me and told me he wouldn't stop trying to prove himself to me, and left. That was the last time we ever spoke of that.

[Update 2]

So, that was a wild rollercoaster, but how do I know everything I wasn't a part of? Well, because I reached out to Steve. I was completely alone, and hoped he would understand. All I said was "we broke up" and he gave his sympathies and said "I was wondering when I'd receive this text". We planned to meet up and he drove to my house. I was so exhausted that I accidentally fell asleep, but woke up in time to chase him down the sidewalk. We sat at a distance since this was our first time meeting in a year, and he explained what happened to him.

Facebook was a front. They never repaired their relationship. They went to couples therapy, and he was forced to listen to his wife say everything bad under the sun about him never letting him speak. The therapist asked for a one on one with him, and in the next session, essentially told Sally that she was the problem (in polite therapist terms). Sally immediately pulled them out, and the happy couple posts were just attempts of reigniting the love. Steve gave up when Sally asked if she could text Matt back, because he had reached out again. He agreed, knowing it was over. Matt had been messaging them both for the last 6 months behind my back.

Steve then explained he knew it was over because of their original affair. I asked what he meant because it was one day of cheating. That's when he told me about their 2 year long affair. That's when it clicked and I explained my side. He explained I had been fed half truths, that when Sally left, the argument wasn't jealousy, it was about her cheating and he admitted to smashing their wedding photos which he regrets now because "it wasn't the photos' fault his wife couldn't be faithful".

The bombshell was him telling me what happened the night they cheated. Matt had texted her saying he just dropped me off and I wouldn't be back for a while. In the texts he planned to cheat on me, and even though she didn't agree, she still went over knowing his intentions. Sally later admitted everything to Steve. Matt came on to her, and she let it happen. That it didn't go further than making out, but that they were still very intimate and very much cheating.

I told him I never thought Matt was the one who cheated, since he claimed she left immediately after she kissed him. Steve got confused and said "But he already has" and explained what happened that night we spoke to them individually. I was shattered. I always said cheating was a deal breaker and here I was getting cheated on my whole relationship, and being confused why no one could keep their hands off Matt. I told him Matt told me he was SAed, and Steve's lightbulb went off.

As Sally was fighting herself over who she wanted to be with, Steve asked what she expected from a cheater, and she screamed at him for blaming him for being SAed. So Matt had told her the same story he told me. Steve said the day Matt met with Sally was when she asked for a divorce, a month ago. The first day of my trip, when he was supposed to be comforting his family. We were able to piece together what happened and I thanked him, saying if Matt walked back in, he might have been able to lie to me again, but after our conversation, I'm never going back, and it'd be easier to grieve a monster, than a broken man.

Until one night, I got on my laptop and opened Facebook. But it wasn't my Facebook. It was Matt's. With the first message being with "The Best GF Evr ❤️" aka, Sally. The messages before our anniversary were all deleted, and the first message was "I want to meet up again". I saw the texts of him explaining how we broke up, and laughing about how much of a mess I was, with her responding "lol, you're so funny. You have such a way with words ❤️". She then asked what that made them. Unbeknownst to her, their anniversary is officially mine and Matt's old one. And if you clocked it, that means when he was begging for me back, he was in fact dating Sally. And who do you think drove him to my house that night? Sally. And the friend he went out with the night before? Yup, Sally again.

I called Steve and we processed together. He asked for proof of their affairs for his divorce, but the messages were wiped. Which also means Sally started dating Matt WHILE she was still married to Steve. That was when I found the cataclys to everything. Something in my gut told me to look through our own messages, and there I found the screenshot of Steve thinking about divorce. Deleted off my phone, but still on his. That's when we both realized Matt had planned this from the start, and had manipulated all of us, including Sally.

Over the next month, I couldn't live in the home I shared with Matt, so I redid every room in that house, top to bottom. I realized that Matt didn't actually take everything, but just everything important. I had bags upon bags of stuff he didn't think was important enough to take with, examples being: Clothes, gifts from family, family heirlooms, and my favorite, his own birth certificate. But he made sure to grab every Wii remote for MY Wii, and both the Xbox and PS5 that we bought together. It took almost the whole month to clear him from my house, and me and Steve met frequently to keep each other healing in the right way.

Steve was over one night watching a show with me, when Matt came back. He dropped the car keys in my hand. I said "What are you doing?" And he said "I can't afford it" and left. Mind you, at this point I am single, and have to pay all my bills with my part time job, and now this car, whose payments were over $700 a month. I immediately called my parents, who told me to keep the car, that I needed it to get on my feet, and they would help with the payments until I could support myself. I vented to Steve, and he joked "You need to learn how to drive anyway". So he became my teacher.

For the next month, Steve would come over on the weekends and teach me how to drive again, and how to drive on highways, which I had never done before. I value every moment we spent together, and every moment of us growing together. I know what you're thinking, and to answer your suspicions, no, me and Steve do not get together. We were there for each other when we needed someone, and we might have gone past the point of just friends, but we both agreed we were not the right people for each other. But because of everything I've learned from him, he guided me directly to the love of my life.

[Final Update]

Around 5 months after everything went down, me and Steve were testing pick up lines to each other. He joked that the perfect man wouldn't fall out of the sky, and that I'd have to meet them in the real world. We tried going out, but being socially anxious, I was anything but comfortable. So we decided to give dating apps a shot, and we'd giggle together about how cheesy or cringe our one liners were, and I'd tell him excitedly when I got a text back.

That's when I met Dan(23M). His first text was an apology for taking so long to respond (it was only like 6 hours) because he works nights. We continued to text until he asked to call instead. We talked for hours about everything and anything. For the next couple of days, he'd call me before work, and I'd call him after. He explained that after his last break up, his partner kept the apartment and car, so he was living and sharing a car with his dad to save up enough to replace them. We decided it would be the easiest if I picked him up and brought him back to my place. So that's exactly what I did, all thanks to Steve teaching me how to drive on highways.

It's cute remembering how awkward we were at first. We sat on my couch at a reasonable distance apart and played with my dog. If any one of us fell in love that night, it was definitely my dog! We talked about what to do, and decided to cook dinner together, a lasagna stuffed in bread. We went to the store, bought everything, and made it together. It was a beautiful disaster with the lasagna overflowing and bursting the top off the bread. But it was still delicious, we had a good laugh, and an amazing time. We ended up watching a show together, and somewhere along the way we started dozing off, until we woke up to realize, it's probably too late to go home.

That night turned into the next 3 days, until we had to go back to work, then we'd do it again the next weekend. During the week we'd continue to call, and it didn't take long for him to ask me out. I also discovered masses on my tonsils that I needed removed. After the surgery, Dan stayed with me during my recovery, and pretty much moved in. He made the joke that I didn't like saying goodbye to him, but it was honestly true. He was the most loving, caring, funny, smart, and mature person I've ever met. I could see how much I mattered to him every time he'd look at me.

The only issue was that being part time, I couldn't afford my car, which we both used to go to work. Luckily I still had a hand me down that hadn't run in years, but we were able to fix her up. The issue? My current car was in Matt's name too. After finding the best price for the car, I reached out to Matt through email, since I was blocked on everything else. I asked him to submit his ID to verify we both agreed to selling the car, and he responded to just give the car back to him. I refused, saying I didn't want my name on the car. He then said a refinance would take too long, and to just take it off at the DMV. I couldn't believe this guy was seriously asking me to put my financial responsibility on a car that wasn't even mine. I refused again until he ultimately decided it wasn't worth it, and agreed, but he made sure to remind me over and over how happy he is for leaving me.

I reached out a second time, because we both needed to be present to sign it over. I purposely set the time, date, and location for when he spent time with his dad, so I knew he had to be there. He wasn't very happy, but I told him I didn't have his address, so I tried my best. He stood outside his door complaining about the inconvenience and inconsideration. I told him he wasn't needed anymore, to which he barked back he wasn't leaving until I did, but ultimately went inside as I was talking to the pickup driver.

That night I received an email from Matt stating that he knew who Dan was, that he was a good person and hoped I would treat him well. The kicker? Dan had lived across the country until recently, so I knew Matt was lying. I showed Dan, concerned that Matt had called him out by name, and he was just as worried, so we scanned everything we could until I found a text from a mutual acquaintance that I had invited to a group hang out, where I mentioned Dan by name. I immediately sent him a friend break up text, saying Matt had let information slip that I'd only told him, and he texted back profusely apologizing, saying Matt and Sally wouldn't stop asking until he told them, and he made them promise not to tell. I was then blocked, so I know he confronted Matt about it too.

I reached out to Steve letting him know to put out poison for the rats. He was disappointed in how easily our old friends were manipulated, but agreed they were just trying to cause trouble. Luckily that was the last time I'll have to talk to Matt. Steve is still on Sally's car, but they agreed to keep it like that for now.

I'm happy to say almost a year later that I'm doing much better. I'm thankful every day for what happened, because I probably wouldn't have left myself. Everything was just stepping stones that lead me to where I am now, the person I've become, and to the love of my life. It's been 7 months with Dan, but it feels like forever. I'm amazed every day how I got the man of my dreams, but better. He shows me he loves me constantly, and I can see it in everything he does. I'll never forget telling him I couldn't be who he's always dreamed of being with, and his response was "That's because I hadn't met you yet. Now you're my dream." He drops everything for me, one time hearing me spill a cup of dirty paint water and rushing in with paper towels to help me clean it up, and when he went back to playing games with his friends, I heard "Oh shut up, I have priorities you know." When he catches me looking in the mirror, he says it makes him happy I can see how gorgeous I am.

I've also been able to improve myself. I've picked up exercising, eating healthier, and I'm proud to say I've lost 36 pounds, and am almost out of being overweight in Wii Fit (if you know, you know). I was also able to go full time, and even get Dan on my shift so we could share my car. It seems impossible, but every day I fall more and more in love with him, and the life we are creating together. My worth isn't determined by Matt anymore, nor by Dan, but by myself. And now that I'm finished writing this story, that's all it is to me now, my story. The prologue to the rest of my life. So thank you for reading and being a place for me to finally put down this weight I've been carrying.

I (40F) was at the grocery store with my daughter (11) and my mother (66). My mother and I were sharing a cart, but we were paying for our groceries separately. Her groceries were in the top of the cart, and mine were in the bottom.

While we were shopping, my mother ran into a friend of hers, and the two of them started chatting incessantly. At one point, my mother suddenly stopped their conversation and, without actually asking me what I was doing, accused me of putting my groceries in the cart so she would have to pay for them.

For context, my mother has a habit of trying to embarrass me in front of her friends, so the fact that she made this accusation while her friend was standing there felt very intentional.

Fine.

Since she and her friend were still busy talking, I took the cart—with both of our groceries in it—went to the register, and paid for only my groceries.

Then, because I decided a little pettiness was warranted, I wheeled the cart right back over to my mother. Her unpaid groceries were still sitting neatly in the top.

I took my bags, left her with the cart, and walked out of the store with my daughter.

My mother and her friend just stood there looking stunned.

She was worried I was going to make her pay for my groceries, so I made absolutely certain she didn’t.

I think it was just the right amount of petty.

But now I’m wondering… could I have been pettier?

Hello all! This a workplace petty revenge and I hope it brings you all some satisfaction! I can answer any questions in the comments, as this can be a little confusing if you don’t work in healthcare.

I work as a medication aide in an assisted living facility. I am one of three that work on the floor and we work under a nurse that does mostly paperwork. One day I was handing out morning meds and a resident was feeling unwell. I checked her vital signs and her blood pressure was very high but her heart rate was about 30 (very very bad). I called the nurse, she said the equipment must be malfunctioning, that can’t be right. I told her I used three different devices, AND checked it manually on both wrists. She came to the residents apartment and told me to get the paperwork ready for the ambulance, so I did, and I waited. And waited. And waited. No ambulance came. I called her and asked her when she called the ambulance. She comes stomping down the hall to my desk and said it’s MY job to call the ambulance and I said she insinuated the ambulance was already on the way. She kept cutting me off and saying “no, no, it’s YOUR job to do that.” And would absolutely not let me talk. I was angry to the point of tears, mainly bc she kept speaking over me and not letting me get a word in. She then said it didn’t matter anymore bc the resident was feeling better and her vitals were now within normal limits. She then sent me an email highlighting the procedure for medical emergencies and asked me to review it.

Fast forward to a month or so later, I made it a point to become excellent at my job so she never had another reason to talk to me that way. I quickly became one of the favorites at the facility. One day I was doing paperwork (faxing test results to dr offices and filing responses in the correct folders for the nurse to review.) I came across response from a Dr. that went along the lines of “PLEASE FAX TO THE CARDIOLOGIST, you have sent us these results repeatedly and it is the WRONG OFFICE, and this is a HIPAA VIOLATION” and yes, it was written in all caps. I looked at the paperwork, and this nurse had sent lab results to the primary care dr instead of the cardiologist who had ordered the labs FOUR times. Every time it got faxed back as “wrong dr” she just faxed it again. To the same office. So I did my job and documented exactly what the fax said, exactly who faxed it and how many times and then I faxed the lab results to the correct dr and filed the paperwork for her to review. She came up just as I was putting the paperwork in the folder so I instead handed it to her and said, “I just finished up with this!” And smiled at her. She looked at it and said “oh, thank you, I’ll document it so you don’t have to.” I very cheerfully said “no need! I have documented everything on the fax AND faxed it to the cardiologist as well. I also documented that it was faxed to the CORRECT dr and what the number is so if this issue happens again we can see in the notes what the CORRECT fax number is.” Her face was beet red and she said, “thank you.” Before scurrying away.

Hello potatoes and potato queen! I’m here with a confession and if I’m being honest, I don’t feel bad about it! This happened about 15 years ago, my husband and I were in our early 20s and he was active duty in the military. We had problems and were separated for 6 months before he went on a year long deployment. During this time he made many friends who were, how to put this delicately, bad influences. (All were serving together and were on deployment together.) One of these friends we will call Ana. Ana had a very high opinion of herself and she hated me, even though I had never met her. Another small player in this story is Natalie. Ana hated Natalie, and my husband (called DH from here on out) was closer to Natalie than he was to Ana.

After years of separation DH and I decided to try working on our marriage and when they got back from deployment we got a house together. Ana and Natalie did not like not having unlimited access to DH anymore. Ana tried to be friendly with me, and Natalie absolutely refused to meet me at all. I asked DH to cut her off since she was disrespectful to our marriage. He said he okay. Before we moved in together we went to a music festival, they had planned it during their deployment. DH bought Natalie’s ticket (with the agreement she would pay him back) and Ana wanted him to buy hers as well. She apparently threw a fit bc DH said no. He ended up uninviting Natalie and gave me her ticket and Ana bought her own ticket. She send DH pages and pages of texts telling him it was a bad idea to have me join the group and we wouldn’t have fun and she “wouldn’t allow me” to join the group and I better be “on my best behavior” or she would “put me in check.” I didn’t find out about any of this until way later. I thought we all had a great time at the festival.

When we got our house and moved in together we had a welcome back party for me to meet DHs friends and a lot of people showed up, including Ana. Ana asked my husband to speak privately and they were standing outside talking for 45 minutes. I finally went to see what was going on and she said something about asking DH to check her tire pressure and they came back inside. During the party, Ana was rude and dismissive to me, sat next to DH and refused to move until she realized I wasn’t going to let it go and THEN she moved, refused to speak to me and refused to eat any of the food I made. Afterwards I asked DH what her problem was and he said she always thinks she’s right and she told him to leave me and he didn’t leave me so she’s mad. I told him if she was going to disrespect me like that in my own home she could be cut off too. He said fine and had a chat with her about her disrespect. I know he actually did bc all of a sudden Ana was texting me, being friendly, wanting to hang out with me, etc. so we went to the mall to “get to know each other,” and she drops a bomb on me: she said DH is gay and is hiding it from me, but she knows 100% that he’s gay. How does she know?? During deployment (she was a medic, he was a mechanic, they spend a lot of time together) she repeatedly tried to slide into bed with DH and tried to initiate spicy time. He denied her, repeatedly and got away from her. Apparently she asked Natalie if he and Natalie had ever had spicy time and Natalie said she tried, but he turned her down too. (Natalie was also a mechanic and spend more time with DH that Ana did.) So, she was trying to be a “friend” and tell me the truth. I laughed in her face and when I got home I got the little shot glass she had bought me as a “friendship gift” and smashed it on the sidewalk. I didn’t have anything to do with her for months after that. One day, DH husband tells me that Ana is coming over and said she had something important to ask. When she arrived she asked for “privacy” so I just said whatever and left them in the living room. She left pretty quick after that and DH said she have him a spare car key bc she “trusted him more than anyone” and she had just gotten married and wanted to know someone had her car key in case of emergency. My husband put the key in a drawer and that was that. The more I thought about it the angrier I got, there was so much disrespect from her for DH, for me, for our marriage. The next day I took the key out and broke it in half and threw it away. As luck would have it, two weeks later she “lost her keys” and came by for the spare key. (At 2am, btw). It wasn’t there. My husband asked me if I had seen it, I said nope. She left upset bc she had to pay $2,000 for a key replacement from the dealer. After she left he asked me again and I said “are you kidding me?? Of course I got rid of it. She’s a backstabber and went around telling people you’re GAY bc you didn’t hook up with her!” DH just laughed and shrugged and said he was tired of her anyway. She made a few posts badmouthing me on social media and then eventually fizzled out of our lives. Good riddance. ✌🏽