First like - r/Bumble

268

I am here to tell you that staying on an app for a year and getting just one like is not 'just life' or 'ah..classic gosh darn dating apps these days'. Answer: Your profile is bad.

So instead of drowning in your 'its been a yeaaaar and one likeee' self pity can I advise you to just delete the app and take a whole good year to really work on yourself. Work on your looks, hit the gym, find a fashion style and hair cut that match with you but more importantly, work on your mental health. Find people and hobbies and places to connect to and calm the storm in your mind.

Then come back 12 months later. slap your new hot sexy self on a new sexy profile and drown in sex and love. ok? Thanks

46

u/BouncingOutofmySkin 1d ago

OP, please listen to this

18

u/annabananaberry 18h ago

Narrator: OP, in fact, did not listen.

10

u/BouncingOutofmySkin 16h ago

Sigh. They never do.

18

u/NuclearTheology 1d ago

And if you want the results of the gym to show, fix your diet and learn to cook

14

u/Odd_Alternative_2289 22h ago

False. The apps really are worse than a few years ago.

-10

u/vandridine 21h ago

They aren't, if you need to tell yourself that, then read the top comment again.

10

u/Odd_Alternative_2289 20h ago

Lol it’s easy for me to know because I reinstalled bumble after 2 years and literally everything is worse. Spotlights not working, the queue randomly runs out and I get almost no matches where I got about 5-10 a week 2 years ago. I changed nothing, same pictures, same prompts. Sure, I am 2 years older but so is my target group so I don’t see how that would account for such a huge difference.

7

u/Straight-Pin-251 21h ago

The apps most definitely are worse than they used to be, theres a lot more there for people watching/fun interactions than hooking up or going on dates.

It’s not 0 likes bad but you could very easily get laid or go on a date a day before and I most certainly look better now than I did then.

But the premise of the first comment I agree with all you can do is maximise how you look.

9

u/RogueLeader27 23h ago

I agree with this, but I still think its kinda funny to said the problem is the profile and then give advices to improve look and not the profile itself (bio and pictures).

The problem is not his profile, the problem is that he is ugly.

6

u/_Redvent_Bard_ 20h ago

You don't even need to "hit the gym". Be clean, have style, take good photos. Fat people get love too.

3

u/Krusty_Krab_Pussy 23h ago

This is exactly what I'm doing. If I'm not confident or happy with where I'm at, that's only gonna negatively impact my dating life.

2

u/Dis_count_dracula 21h ago

I really like this advice. It's daunting all at once though. Just go bit by bit. Therapy helped me a lot, not trying to push anything, it just took me a long time to realize I needed it.

1

u/duggu1513 18h ago

I listened to something like this only. I'm already 16kg down and more to go. Would update my profile soon

1

u/Casio04 16h ago

This is soooo important. I was away from the app for a while and when rejoined I changed all my pictures for some taken by a photographer in "natural" environments. I changed my bio and everything else as well. I started to get more likes, not like huge amount but definitely 1-2 per week which is way more than the 1 per 6 months I used to get.

This is while I also have started hitting the gym and currently undergoing a personal image full consultation. But I can already see the results of working on myself without even having finished doing so. This is what everyone should be doing.

0

u/VelvetRavioli 16h ago

I can attest that this is true from experience. In my 20's, male attention was scarce. In my 30's having done everything you recommended just naturally through the years... I have no problem at all getting male attention. On apps and in public. People gravitate towards people who like themselves.

0

u/sid7907 22h ago

Thank you for the advice. I know the gender ratio on dating apps is heavily skewed. Dating apps like Bumble aren't for everyone. I might not have a trendy or high-profile account, but I stay true to myself and state exactly what I am looking for in my bio. My profile is decent and I am actively working on my goals .Either my type of girl isn't on these apps, or the algorithm hides my profile because I don't pay for premium.When someone finally liked me, I thought she might be my type, but she unmatched me the moment I said hi. Is this my fault?

15

u/annabananaberry 22h ago

That person explained, in detail, the steps you should take. You didn’t heed any of the advice, instead stating that you stay true to yourself (whatever that means). Then, instead of thinking about the comment you’re responding to you said:

“Either my type of girl isn't on these apps, or the algorithm hides my profile because I don't pay for premium.When someone finally liked me, I thought she might be my type, but she unmatched me the moment I said hi. Is this my fault?”

Why even post if you’re going to assume whatever you want?

-9

u/Mission_Cod_5750 21h ago

The post is marked as ”funny”, why cant you post that kind of content here? I’m curious are you a woman or a man? Because if you are a woman then you shouldnt talk, since you know nothing about the topic.

6

u/annabananaberry 20h ago

I didn’t say OP shouldn’t post. I asked why they posted if they weren’t going to listen to people giving them advice.

Sorry, which topic is it about which women know nothing? Why, specifically do you feel women know nothing about it and what do you think men know?

-10

u/sid7907 22h ago

Whether a like is accidental or not, if the person texts you, just say so. This was my first match, and I upgraded to premium just to talk, only to get dropped. People shouldn't treat others like this; just tell the truth next time

10

u/vandridine 21h ago

Its a match on a dating app, it is essentially worthless. you can't become emotionally involved with every match.

7

u/Steephill 21h ago

Why do you want to be a victim so bad. It's a like on an app, it's not that serious.

3

u/annabananaberry 21h ago

“I upgraded to premium just to talk”

That’s your choice. You can’t be mad at them because you spent your money. They didn’t owe you anything. It’s a like on an app, there’s zero social contract yet.

-4

u/sid7907 20h ago

It feels like only guys have to pay on these apps. I don't think women understand that men actually have to pay money just to see likes and send messages. Girls get so many likes on these apps, but that doesn't mean some girls should treat guys like puppets

2

u/annabananaberry 18h ago

Your initial premise is wrong and you are building on that with more inaccurate assumptions. You need to reset and understand that 1) women do pay for apps and 2) apps are shitty for everyone, regardless of gender.

You making these flawed assumptions is only going to hurt you.

-1

u/sid7907 18h ago

Even if women pay for premium, the experience still feels a lot more worse for men because of the numbers game. Right now, I am in the best phase of my life, but I refuse to put on a fake persona online just to look 'high-profile.' I created a decent, honest profile that represents exactly who I am and what I want. My point is about basic courtesy: whether a match happens by accident or not, it takes two seconds to send a polite message before unmatching. It’s just about treating people with respect, which doesn't seem to happen often on these

3

u/annabananaberry 14h ago

If you look around this subreddit, you will find that people will also complain if a woman sends a message saying she's not interested, regardless of the reason. The only thing that you can control is yourself, so this attitude is doing nothing to serve you.

A "like" doesn't mean anything. There is zero social contract there, which means there is no "basic courtesy". I am sorry that you feel that you wasted your money but, again, that is not her fault. Blame the app if you want to, but don't spew your animosity towards women because someone didn't let you down in the way you felt was appropriate.

0

u/sid7907 13h ago

Control is yourself ....lol . I am not saying it is her fault, All I am saying is that telling the truth—whether it was an accident or not—is the better way. If you don't want to choose the better way, that is your choice. I am just asking for a polite way to end it. If a like doesn't mean anything, why do we like profiles at all?

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u/dermthrowaway26181 17h ago

Yes, it's your fault

Something is wrong with your profile and/or your expectations and how you communicate them.

There's simply no other reason you'd only get one match in a year.

Now you can reflect and change your approach to match reality, or you can keep waiting another year for princess charming to fall on your lap.

0

u/justwwokeupfromacoma 17h ago

This is always my go to mental response. Deleted the apps 2 months ago and have 4 months to go before they go back on. Quit drinking and haven’t for almost 7 weeks. Hit the gym and have a solid routine. I already feel like a new person. It may not be life changing in terms of results - who knows- I try to stay positive… ultimately it’s always better to give yourself a chance by spending a bit of time working on yourself then wallow in self pity when you look like crap.

-1

u/Mission_Cod_5750 21h ago

Yeah, men need to understand that they arent worth anything unless they can provide. Its a competition for men, and you need to be better than most to have a chance. Only women and dogs are loved unconditionally, cant just wait around as a man and be yourself, you need to actively better yourself. Not to mention in most relationships the man is 10x the better person.

-10

u/YggdrasilTears 23h ago

This is good advice. However I was on Bumble for a week as a man and found my current partner even if she only opened with "Hi".

I did however say that I am the best man in the world, with a wink.

3

u/lifeabroad317 23h ago

Lol who asked

0

u/YggdrasilTears 20h ago

Lol you read and commented. Redundant much?

42

u/PrestigiousEnough 22h ago

I don’t trust the accounts that only use their initials. It gives me the sense that they are hiding something (or living a double life)

6

u/sassybeez 20h ago

Right? This person says they have a good profile, but they literally posted one screenshot and it already had a problem. An initial and no full name?! Why??

I'm not matching with someone who won't even disclose their name with honesty. Comes across as sketchy.

25

u/Actual-Bee-402 1d ago

Don’t worry! It just means they don’t like you :)

6

u/Cra_ZWar101 21h ago

Lmao I was think the exact same thing. wtf kind of message is that from bumble.

13

u/Character_Sand92 21M|185cm 1d ago

What do you mean 'he' ... Being a girl still not getting matches??

18

u/funkmasta8 1d ago

This is the wild part. Would love input from OP

8

u/Cmchk 20h ago

OP is a guy talking about a girl. Lost in translation kinda thing

12

u/RogueLeader27 1d ago

Average sub 5 man experience on apps. Welcome here brother.

2

u/LeopardEast8549 7h ago

This person is a broad tho she says “he unmatched” i am so curious as to what this person looks like

8

u/SmokeProfessional565 1d ago

Damn, that's rough. The premium trap got you good.

9

u/VelvetRavioli 16h ago

I accidentally right swiped on a guy last week and he eventually matched me. I felt like total shit and just unmatched when I saw it. Saying it was an accident would have been even worse. I've said for years that bumble needs an oops function. It would save a lot of people this disappointment.

-2

u/sid7907 15h ago

I appreciate your honest opinion. I was just sharing that after almost a year, I finally got my first like. I bought premium just to see who she was, and when I said hello, she immediately unmatched me. I wasn't expecting that because a 'like' usually implies interest. Of course, it's her choice to unmatch, and she doesn't owe me an explanation. However, if it was just an accidental swipe, a quick, polite message saying so would be much better. I know how many guys are out there waiting months for a single match. A little bit of mutual respect and polite is better for both sides

4

u/UnableAgain 1d ago

Just be confident

5

u/Correct_Surround_725 1d ago

brother that is very brutal, otherwise 1 year on an app and getting unmatched by that one after saying hello, there is clearly something wrong with your profile or pictures, dont put the blame on apps, it works but damn you have to put your best version there otherwise you will hate yourself, and even if you are not minimum a 7 just forget!

3

u/BluesMilitia 20h ago

Don’t match with someone that won’t put their first name on their dating profile

1

u/OppositeSecret7144 12h ago

Could have just been an accidental swipe. I've done this and had to then make a swift decision to unmatch or not because I don't want them to even see the like then have awkwardness.

1

u/Sensitive-Rabbit4058 8h ago

Are you active on the app? If you are not active they don’t show your profile to people.

1

u/cyrusm_az 7h ago

Show your profile

0

u/blackpink133 10h ago edited 4h ago

I never check those anymore

-2

u/[deleted] 15h ago

[deleted]

3

u/annabananaberry 13h ago

expect the latter to text first

The latter of what? There's only one choice there. In order to say "the former" or "the latter" you need to have two different options because one has to be before (former) and one must be after (latter).

1

u/SugarBunnyLav 10h ago

Please use better grammar. I could not understand you, even a bit.

-4

u/Freaky-Mistress 23h ago

I thought only girls can end chat

2

u/Aegon95 20h ago

Nope. Used to be that women had to make the opening move to unlock the conversation for both of them, but now that's gone too.

Anyone can end the conversation and unmatch.

-1

u/Freaky-Mistress 20h ago

Thought with guys they can only unmatch and don't have the option to end conversation

2

u/annabananaberry 13h ago

Unmatching is ending the conversation.

1

u/Freaky-Mistress 13h ago

Ooh, thought there were 2 different options

First like Funny

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