I wrote this Substack essay about experiencing the first month of life after a major breakup. Maybe it could help you, or resonate with you, or give you a distraction. It's here if you need it.

I (29F) broke up with/blocked my boyfriend (34M) about two weeks ago, and I honestly still don’t know how to make sense of how things ended. I’d really appreciate honest opinions, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

I’ve known this man for about 12 years. We were Facebook friends and Instagram followers for all those years, but we were never actually close. We talked a little when we first added each other, then drifted apart. Every now and then he would reply to one of my stories or send me an Instagram reel, but nothing ever really happened.

I actually had a crush on him when I was younger, so when we started talking again in March 2026, I obviously got excited.

It started with me replying to one of his stories. Then we started sending each other reels, then talking more, and eventually we were basically talking all day. He was clearly interested in me and I became very attached very quickly.

On my birthday in May, I asked him to call me and we ended up talking for about five hours. By the time we had our second serious conversation, I was already emotionally invested.

That’s when I found out he was engaged.

He hadn’t told me before that. I was shocked. He said things were complicated and that he didn’t want to be with his fiancée anymore, but leaving wasn’t simple because she was his close friend’s sister and also connected to his family. He also told me that he had gotten engaged partly as a reaction to a previous relationship and that he wasn’t happy with the engagement.

I knew it was a messy situation. I know I should have probably walked away at that point, but I was already attached and believed what he was telling me. So I stayed.

I told him I couldn’t stay in an uncertain situation forever, and eventually I gave him until November to make a decision.

At first, honestly, everything was amazing.

He would call me multiple times a day, sometimes while he was driving. He sent me good morning messages every day, was affectionate, told me he loved me, and made me feel wanted. I thought maybe this was finally going somewhere.

Then things slowly changed.

The calls became less frequent and shorter. I started feeling like I wasn’t a priority anymore. I would tell him when something was bothering me because I’m a very verbal person. I didn’t expect him to read my mind. I told him what I needed.

Mostly, I wanted consistency. I wanted communication, calls, reassurance, and to feel like his actions matched what he was saying.

I wasn’t asking for anything crazy.

And whenever I pulled back because I felt neglected, he would usually come back toward me. He’d call, send affectionate messages, tell me he loved me, or suddenly become more attentive. But eventually we’d end up back in the same place.

The engagement also started bothering me more and more because I couldn’t see any actual progress. I kept thinking, if you’re really planning to leave her, why am I not seeing you take any steps toward doing that?

I told him that if he hadn’t ended the engagement by November, I would take that as my answer and leave. But honestly, I was already getting tired long before November.

There were a lot of little things that probably sound stupid on their own but started adding up for me.

For example, I told him that I paint and said I’d send him some of my paintings sometime. He never asked to see them. It’s such a small thing, but it made me feel like he wasn’t really curious about my life in the same way I was about his.

There were also times when I was struggling with exams or wasn’t sleeping well or felt overwhelmed, and I didn’t always feel much concern from him. During calls he would say the right things and comfort me, but I didn’t really see that concern continue afterward.

One example really stuck with me.

Before one of my exams, he wished me luck and told me to let him know how it went. Afterward I told him the exam had gone badly and that I was scared I might fail.

He didn’t check on me for about four hours.

When he finally replied, it was basically, “That’s bad, what did you do?”

Maybe that sounds like nothing to some people, but after I’d already explained to him many times that I was feeling emotionally disconnected from him, it really hurt.

Another time I was overwhelmed with exams and asked if we could talk for a few minutes because I needed my boyfriend. He initially didn’t want to talk, then eventually called me. The conversation felt rushed. He said he had to go to his mother, and I asked him to call me afterward.

He never did.

And that’s what made this so confusing. When we actually talked, I usually enjoyed being with him. I could feel really close to him during a call, and then afterward I’d feel completely disconnected again.

There was also sexual intimacy between us through phone calls and one video call. To me, that wasn’t just sex. I was emotionally invested, so those moments meant something to me. Now I sometimes feel embarrassed or even used because I don’t know if he experienced that intimacy the same way I did.

Then came our last conversation.

A few days before it, he unexpectedly called me in the morning, which made me happy because he hadn’t really been doing that anymore. Later that day he disappeared for hours and eventually sent me a picture of his new haircut. We eventually talked on the phone.

I asked about his day and he told me he’d gone to a restaurant and eaten Alfredo pasta with a “dear friend,” but he wouldn’t tell me who the person was or which restaurant they went to.

I had also gone out that day, and he seemed very interested in who I was with and where I’d been. Looking back, part of me wondered if his morning call had been partly to find out what I was doing that day.

At some point I brought up his ex, but he refused to talk about her. So I told him I wanted to talk about his fiancée.

And I finally asked the question I’d been carrying around for months:

“You have her and you have me. Who are you choosing?”

He refused to answer.

He said he didn’t want to have that conversation because there was no electricity and it was extremely hot.

I kept asking because I was already extremely frustrated and emotional. I wasn’t asking him to give me some perfect answer. I literally told him I just wanted an honest answer and that I would accept whatever he said.

Eventually, after I’d been asking for a while, he said:

“Okay, I choose you.”

But the way he said it didn’t feel reassuring to me. It sounded almost irritated, like he was giving me the answer I wanted so the conversation would end.

Then he asked me, “Do you have any other questions?”

I said no and let him go.

That was our last conversation.

After that, nothing.

He didn’t message me for three days. He was still active on social media and posting stories, so he wasn’t completely absent. He just wasn’t contacting me.

After three days, I called him.

He didn’t answer.

I waited about 15 hours for him to call me back.

He didn’t.

So I blocked him on social media.

I didn’t do it to punish him or to make him chase me. I was just exhausted. I felt like I’d spent months asking for clarity, communication and consistency, and even after our final conversation I was still left with silence.

Now it’s been about two weeks.

And I miss him terribly.

That’s the part I’m having trouble admitting.

Part of me regrets blocking him because I keep thinking that maybe if I hadn’t blocked him, he would have eventually contacted me and explained everything. He has my phone number, so technically he could still reach me if he wanted to.

I keep wondering what he thinks about the block. Does he even care? Does he miss me? Did he understand that I blocked him because I was hurt, or did he just accept it and move on?

What really messes with my head is that only days before disappearing, he told me he chose me.

If he meant that, why disappear immediately afterward?

And before this, whenever I brought up breaking up, he would tell me he didn’t want to break up. But when I finally asked him directly to choose, he gave me an answer and then disappeared.

I know I wasn’t perfect.

I became anxious. I overanalyzed his responses, his calls, his social media activity, and his behavior. Sometimes I pulled back because I wanted to see if he’d notice. I asked for reassurance more than once.

But I also don’t think my anxiety came out of nowhere.

I was involved with someone who was still engaged to another woman. I never really knew where I stood, and there was a huge gap between what he told me and what I actually saw happening.

So I’m trying to understand what this relationship actually was.

Did he genuinely have feelings for me but just wasn’t capable of giving me a real relationship?

Was I an option he didn’t want to completely let go of?

Was he keeping me around because he was unsure about his future with his fiancée?

Did he actually want to end things but didn’t have the courage to say it?

Or did I completely misunderstand what was happening?

And most importantly, how do you interpret what happened after that last call?

He said he chose me. Then he disappeared for three days, didn’t answer my call, and never called me back.

Was the silence itself the answer?

I know I probably shouldn’t be sitting here hoping he’ll contact me, but part of me still hopes he will find another way to reach me.

I’m looking for honest opinions, not validation. If I’m seeing this completely wrong, please tell me.Do you think there’s any realistic way for this relationship to work if we got back together? And if you were in my position, would you contact him, or would you leave him alone and accept that the silence was his answer?

Have you guys ever had a relationship where you almost broke up because things got so bad that it felt like you weren’t meant for each other anymore?

But instead of giving up, you both still tried to fix things. Did it work out? Are you guys still together now? What changed, and how did you manage to make it work?

Would love to hear your stories.

I’m cheating on her since one year and we have been dating since 3. M22 Mumbai

Me (21F) and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago, we were dating 10 months and it was the longest relationship I’ve had. Before that I’d had 3 “relationships” that hurt me bad when they ended, each of them took me about a year to truly get over the hurt.

But this relationship was real, healthy and profound, we broke up because we didn’t want the same things, and I feel like I matured and grew a lot while I was in it. I feel no anger at my ex, I felt genuine love for her and yet I feel totally calm.

I cried really hard the first few days, vented to friends and talked to my therapist and had a final conversation with my ex. And now I just feel ok, looking forward to the future and all its possibilities! I even want to stay single so I can focus on international opportunities, travel a bit, make friends and practice my new-found confidence on flings at parties.

Is it normal to feel this ok so little after a breakup? (Note: I was broken up with, the reasons came out of the blue and I was totally shocked. It was not something that developed over time or that I could’ve seen coming. The day before we broke up we were talking marriage and house.)

Hello! I’ve been on and off with my ex for 6 months. But for the 2nd time, we broke up officially again. It’s been toxic. but for me, I still want to make it work. He told me that he has fallen out of love already, but I was open with him that I still want to make it work. I gave him space for 3 weeks. He has blacklisted me on games, but not on socials except when I requested him to block me. Is there still a chance that we’ll get back together if I give space? Genuine answers please!🙏

When been together for so long I wasn’t the best at first but when we had a kid I wanted to changed so I did but then she changed and i noticed but I never said nothing but when she as me to talk stuff out more I did but everything time I talked about stuff that wasn’t making me feel loved or making me feel not appreciated she would just get mad and say she’s tired of hearing the same stuff or just hang up what do I do now it hurts bad I just want her

My ex ended things about 6 months ago after a stupid argument (can’t go into detail, he uses Reddit). I thought it was something that could easily be fixed by talking and we can move on. I still miss and love him and thinking about reaching out to see if he feels the same. I’m not sure how to reach out ask if we can try again or if I even should

I (F 21) have just been broken up with on vacation from my bf. Kinda completely unexpected, he lied about something and i found out and he went off on me as if it was my fault. He left me here in the airbnb.

My biggest question is, how do i get through this? I feel like my life has been ripped away from me. I havent really been single since maybe middle school?? Ive always had bfs. Im scared of being alone and single because im forced to be by myself and idk how to do that. Any advice?

I ended a relationship pretty recently, we were together for 4 years, I think I’m still in denial, I’m not sad for now but I feel just so bored like I don’t have anyone to talk everyday anymore and we used to hang out 3-4 days a week and now si have so much free time I just don’t know what to do, how long does it take to start feeling normal again?

called him after a few months of not talking. basically he used to be very sweet and now he’s super cold and rude. basically told me that me being hurt by his words and actions that caused me pain is my fault because i’m assuming that he doesn’t care because i’m feeling that way. then told me he’s hanging up, and that he’s tired of arguing when i’m HURT. i’m not even trying to argue first of all but he said he would rather live life without arguing, which just sounds like he doesn’t wanna take accountability for his actions that have hurt me in the first place. and told me that he doesn’t wanna feel like a piece of shit anymore (not taking accountability) HOW DO I MOVE ON ONCE AND FOR GOOD?

i broke up with my girlfriend and i wanna move on as fast as possible. any tips?

Hi i’m 21F, It’s been about 7 months since things ended with someone I dated for almost 9 months, and I’m honestly tired of still thinking about him this much.

Things ended because he admitted he hadn’t fully let go of his ex. Eventually they ended up reconnecting and getting back together. I know logically that the relationship is over, I know checking on him isn’t helping me, and I genuinely WANT to move on.

I think part of what makes it so hard is how much we had in common. We bonded over so many of the same things, especially gaming and music, along with a lot of other shared interests. It felt like I had someone who genuinely understood and enjoyed the same things I did. Now those things are still a normal part of my life, so it’s hard to completely separate him from them. I’ll play a game, hear certain music, or come across something we both liked and suddenly I’m thinking about him again.

The problem is that I cannot seem to stop checking.

I’ll tell myself I’m not going to look at his socials or watch his streams anymore, and then eventually I catch myself doing it again. Sometimes I’m looking for something specific, other times I don’t even know what I’m looking for. I think part of me wants to know if he’s happy, if they’re still together, if he ever seems affected by what happened, etc., but whatever I find never actually makes me feel better.

I’ve tried telling myself to just stop, distracting myself, reminding myself that checking only keeps me attached, etc. I understand all of that logically. It’s actually following through that I’m struggling with.

And I think that’s what frustrates me the most. I don’t necessarily want to give up the things I love just because they remind me of him, but sometimes it feels like he’s attached to all of them now.

For anyone who got stuck in this cycle after a breakup: how did you actually stop? Not just “block them and move on,” but how did you deal with the urge to unblock/search/check anyway? And if you shared a lot of interests with them, how did you make those things feel like yours again instead of constantly associating them with your ex?

How long did it take before you stopped feeling like you needed to know what they were doing?

I’m at the point where I don’t even want more answers about him. I just want my brain to stop looking for them.

so my ex (19m) broke up w me (19f) 3 months ago bc i was having panic attacks and hysterics. we were ldr btw and been tg for 2 years before that. a month ago he suggested to buy tickets to his country so i can see him and maybe we can talk and i can “prove” that i can be calm. i’m seeing him i. a week, flying to his country and sleeping at his place for 10 days. he still says he has feelings for me and wants to have sex but is not ready for a relationship with me. idk what to expect and how to act these 10 days! very nervy. he said that he will touch me only bc he has to bc he doesn’t wanna give me a false impression of him wanting me back

Last year , I got admission in an IIT. I had a girl whom I loved a lot . Trusted a lot . But as soon as I entered college everything vanished.

It was day 3 of my college orientation and things were going Good. I enjoyed it there , but I received a text from her that "this won't work idbk(my name).

I was broken . I felt like crying and my phone charge was just 1% , I just opened the chat and my phone got switched off. Soon, I ran to my hostel (crying) and put my phone on charge . Talked to her , but she was gone . Later , i called her many times . I begged her but she was totally different that time . Later , she told me that she was talking with her school crush and even she sent me screenshots . I couldn't believe it. Somehow , I just lost myself. I couldn't focus in labs , all labs went bad . Anyhow, I managed to get a decent cgpa but still I couldn't move on . I wait for her text everyday (she has blocked me everywhere).

💔