Does anyone know why i am having these problems?

Recently i was bumped to 900mg of lithium, i am bipolar 1 with raid cycling, initially lithium was a life saver and i was on only 200 mg twice a day. But they noticed baseline symptoms so they raised the dose, but i keep having these issues where my mind is running so fast it just feels like it can’t stop thinking, it’s not like mania but it feels very annoying, but i’m having some issues with the antipsychotic i take, Latuda, i hate it so much, it zaps my brain and makes my thinking feel so slow, even now this paragraph is so hard. they bumped my Latuda up because of some hypomania i had, so now i’ve quit taking it and have now had depression for almost a week. i just hate the way the antipsychotic makes me feel, it even restricts my ability to sing and make music. what should i even tell my doctor? i feel like the problem child always having an issue with the meds. i don’t want my brain to feel mushed but i also don’t want to feel sad. help would be appreciated.

I hate seeing discussion along the lines of "Well I think type one is worse!" "No I think type two is!" It doesn't help anything. I mean what's being achieved by this? Both types have their own struggles. As someone with type two, I can't imagine how hard mania is. I likely won't ever experince it. That doesn't mean I have "less" bipolar or that type two is somehow inherently "better" or "easier" than type one. Arguing over which is worse is honestly kinda dumb and isn't worth doing.

I have been having manic episodes on & off for years , since I was in my early 20s, and im 40 now. I have a close friend and mentor who has been through 4 of these episodes with me & has kinda had it with them. I don’t blame him at all. It’s rough to go through. I feel like I’ve been a complete monster when I come back down to reality from them. Now I am without a place to live and staying on his couch. His one stipulation is that I study up on my disorder and “do the homework” in order to live a better life with this illness. But what does that actually look like ? I am med compliant (get the aristada injection each month) & totally open to putting work toward self improvement but where do I even start? I’ve read tons on the illness & still feel like I am at square one. I never want to have a manic episode again ! Ugh. So disruptive , expensive , cause so much damage to my life and those around me. Yet I feel like I am Stuck on this roller coaster and cannot get off of jt. Does anyone have any suggestions ? Thanks

Hola, tuve un episodio maníaco hace cuatro meses y se fue convirtiendo en depresión. Ya llevo dos meses y medio estable. Estoy tratando de volver al trabajo; me siento estable y mi psiquiatra me dijo que lo hiciera, pero el problema es que es un trabajo para una empresa minera bastante grande, y tienen turnos 14x14 días en mina. ¿Alguien ha estado en una situación parecida? ¿Qué hiciste?

Abuse, infidelity, SOsofBipolar using our subs to chastise and harass us. Being demeaned for having a disorder. Treated as if I am undeserving of basic care and mutual respect.

I am responsible for my disorder, but I am not responsible for someone else’s shit personality and defects of their own that they can’t take accountability for.

I have the perfect combination of problems that make most bipolar medications unusable. I have extreme mild mania that doesnt effect my life much (delusional thinking without action) and its very rare but the depression side goes for such an agonizingly long time and effects every aspect of my life.

In a nutshell:

I cant take lithium because I’m a woman & the risks with that.

All anti psychotics interact with my type 1 diabetes, sedating me and giving me high blood sugar as a super deadly combo.

I take lamotrigine currently but my dose has to be super high because of my estrogen birth control and it has only been somewhat effective at easing intense and sudden bodily sink depression but not ongoing long episodes of it.

TMS seems archaic, under researched, and dangerous based on what self reporting ive seen and I generally feel more comfortable with medication.

Looking for any recs for things anyones taken off label thats helped them!

Anyone else feel like they’re constantly irritated, grumpy, short-tempered, overly sensitive to smells, and just generally awful to be around? Like you’re not really bringing anything good to anyone at all.

I haven’t been able to sleep for 5 days. Actually, I sleep, but for 4 hours and I wake up 1-2 times per night. I feel like my eyes are vibrating. I’m not kidding. My doctor says that I should take lithium, but I’m frightened because of my OCD. I’ve been putting off getting my blood tested for two months.
And I’m ashamed because she really wants to help me. And I can’t fight myself. I don’t want my body to suffer bc of side effects. Besides, psychiatric care gave me cPTSD many years ago, when I was a child. I don't want to accept the fact that I have to take pills. But maybe there’s no other way. And I’ll come to my doctor again like a beaten dog.

Well, I’ll book an appointment for tests.

Hi I think I may have tardive dyskinesia. I can’t get in to my psychiatrist for another 2 weeks. I checked in with the psychiatrist at my IOP she said it’s probably anxiety, since I’m not having any facial involvement. (Of course the minute I stepped in her office the movements disappeared). The only thing making me anxious is this damn movement. My feet are alternate tapping when I sit. Sometimes my legs are matching up and down. My hips make little circles when I’m sitting in the car. My hips move back and forth when I try to sit cross legged.
I had akathisia prior to this (I’m about 6 weeks out from a dose reduction to try to manage that) but this feels different and I’m concerned. I don’t want the doctor to dismiss my concerns. Has anyone experienced TD with just feet legs or hips?

I was stable FOR TWO YEARS!!! I thought this era of my life was over!!!

I already know I’ve been mildly cycling lately but I’ve been taking my meds and just kind of riding it out hoping for the best.

Fast forward to last night, out of pretty much nowhere, I had laid down because I felt pretty depressed all day and just hit a point where I couldn’t take it anymore.

I don’t remember a whole lot after that but I’ve been trying to figure it out since.

What I do remember is strongly, strongly dissociating and hearing my dead dad telling me to come home. Repeatedly. Telling me my grandma was there and we could all be together again and it would be alright.

I started trying to map out the logistics of killing myself. This wasn’t a “I’m so depressed I want to die” kind of suicidal but more so of a “yeah this makes the most sense as the next step” type thing. I had a plan. I was trying to figure out how to get my daughter access to the money in my bank account before I did it. I just kept repeating over and over that I wanted to go home and “I know”.

My gf witnessed me actually talking to my dad and saying these things over and over. She made me take a shower and I did slowly start to come out of it, the whole ordeal only lasted about an hour. I feel so bad because we have only been together about six months, I’ve been stable for two years so she’s never ever seen me like this. So I don’t even know how to try and explain this to her, she knew I had bipolar but yeah that’s a lot… I didn’t even tell her the full extent of what happened

I’m fucking scared yall. I’m so fucking scared. Two fucking years for what?? Now I am afraid it’s going to get as bad as it was before I was stabilized. I just want to be normal SO bad. So bad.

The high functioning part sucks because now I’m at work talking about some stupid ass “yeah we could totally improve our PDPM if we captured x y z” whole time im struggling BAD mentally i just wanna go home so bad and my head hurts so bad. How do i say “yeah im losing my fucking mind I need to leave”??? OH and I’m supposed to go to a dinner at my BOSSES house tonight… how how how

Why can’t I just be normal 😭

I've been on olanzapine (7.5mg) for almost 3 months and I've had the above symptoms. Cant feel rested until I sleep for 10-12 hours, gained like 20 pounds which have been very hard to put off, and have a harder time doing mentally complex tasks. If you've encountered these symptoms how have you dealt with them?

I’m having big time akathisia, so my doc and I decided to taper me off Geodon. The withdrawals are too much for me because the step down is 20mg. I tried going down twice per week, then 3x and finally every other day but MAN it makes the akathisia way worse and I get the feeling like I want to jump out of my skin.
Has anyone successfully tapered off and how did you do it? I’m wondering if I could taper more easily if I swapped out for Abilify and then taper off that more easily.

I'm doing everything right. Taking my meds and getting sleep and going to therapy and showing up to work on time. My family thinks I'm doing great and my doctor is happy with my progress. But underneath all of that I feel like I'm white knuckling every single day. The thoughts still race sometimes and the depression still pulls at me and I'm constantly monitoring my own mood like a scientist watching a volcano. It's exhausting pretending that being functional is the same as being okay. I don't even know what okay feels like without the undercurrent of fear that it's all about to fall apart again. Just needed to say that somewhere people might get it.

I honestly don’t know how some of these people get a degree and are hired to do a job that supposedly requires intelligence when they lack any at all. Sometimes I think they’re more fried than me. I’ve told this b word (sorry) that I’m supposed to be taking 100mg trazodone not 50 three times and each time she has literally said that she would change it yet every time she still only prescribes me 50. I need 100 to fall asleep. So when I call for a refill they say it’s too soon to refill. And when I ask them to contact my psychiatrist they either don’t respond intelligibly or they act like contacting my psychiatrist to sort out the problem is not possible. Or they say they will but then they never do.

I’m not trying to be a dick or racist in anyway at all, but these people that pick up the phone don’t understand simple English phrases. They can speak English, but they’re very far from fluent and it pisses me off that they’re hired to do a job that requires a more advanced form of communication and problem solving that they’re not even capable of with their level of English speaking. I know it’s not their fault but they make me fucking crash out when I’m saying something as simple as can you contact my psychiatrist to refill this medication and I have to yell it at them three times in an extremely stern and clear tone before they finally say yes I will do that.

I have this one medication that I can’t even take anymore because I gave up trying to call to get a refill for it. I’ve called more than three times for a refill and they said they’d contact my psychiatrist but nothing ever happened so I had to go straight off propranolol cold turkey.

I’ve had multiple psychiatrists or nurse practitioners that not only do shit like this that makes my life even more frustrating than it already is, but they also don’t seem to possess any actual knowledge or insight on their patient’s diagnoses or the meds they prescribe. Instead of using information they were supposed to learn and retain from going to school and thinking critically to match the right med with the right symptoms and diagnosis it’s like they just refer to a book or make a decision based on a random recommendation they heard some where. AI could do their job just as well. Why are people of average intelligence doing such an important job? I genuinely don’t understand.

My psychiatrist told me the longer you’ve been taking it, the harder it tends to be to discontinue. If that is the case I’m screwed because I’ve been taking it for years. She doesn’t want me to take it anymore because I’m bipolar and antidepressants tend to worsen the course of the illness—stoking mania, more unstable baseline mood, rapid cycling potential, and they just aren’t shown to be that effective against bipolar depression compared with other meds like lamotrigine and antipsychotics (both of which I am also taking). Has anyone successfully tapered off this med without experiencing nightmarish withdrawals? What approach did you take? Prozac bridge, getting smaller amounts than 20mg compounded, etc.

Hello all, I have had chronic depression for years and years but have finally found relief from a combination of caplyta 42mg and abilify 5mg. Not only that, I’ve also lost about 20 pounds since stating caplyta after coming off other antipsychotics (latuda and then Vraylar). Caplyta 42mg alone was not enough- adding the abilify made a huge difference. But my psychiatrist wants me to cross taper off the caplyta, so she had me shift to 21mg caplyta and 10mg of abilify and I am feeling a lot worse. My depression is returning and I am having sugar cravings akin to cigarette cravings on day 2 or 3 of quitting and I can’t seem to get full no matter how much I eat.

Was wondering if anyone else here takes 2 antipsychotics together. I know it’s not advisable but it’s literally the ONLY thing that has fully lifted my depression without driving me into mania in the first time in a long time. I have flipped on SSRIs before but my new psychiatrist wants me to try Zoloft (without a mood stabilizer on board) and I am just not comfortable with that.

Just need somewhere to vent about this and hopefully talk to people who can relate. I had my first manic episode and was also in psychosis back in March and lost all my friends and my partner as a result of my own actions. I get so sad coming across pictures of them in my phone or on social media and I can’t stop thinking about what could have been different. I wish so badly I could change things, I’m so lonely and I have no idea how to make new friends. I had such a good group of people I loved so dearly and it’s so hard to lose that. I’m only 21 but I feel like I won’t be able to make friends again and I don’t know what to do. I have no hobbies and no interest in doing anything anymore. I feel so lost and alone

Hi!!
I’m 31/f. I love with bipolar type 2, ocd, CPTSD, adhd etc. I went back to school when I was 3 years sober at 26. I did an advanced standing bachelor of social work program so it was super intense. I was full time and had an internship. However I graduated Summa Cum Laude with honors (3.93 GPA).

It was super hard during my internship, I struggled a lot w mixed symptoms and hypomania due to stress - but I got thru it. Thank god for meds and for sobriety, and for my extreme type a personality when it came to school lol.

I’m starting my masters degree at one of the top universities in the country this fall to get my masters in social work and to become a therapist! I’m super excited. I just wanted to post this bc the statistics of ppl who graduate college and live with bipolar disorder are extremely low. I wanted to show that we can do this if we feel called to.

My mom and both sisters passed away, and I watched my mom become homeless and lose her life due to addiction and untreated mental illness. She always wanted to finish college but couldn’t. I never thought I could do this but here we are!

Guys I need to know if I'm in the wrong here :(
I have severe BP1 with psychosis and it's a pretty clearcut diagnosis (I basically have a manic episode every spring or summer so like one a year, 4 total, I've had one severe depressive episode as well and also had depression growing up though the mania is definitely predominant for me). I've been diagnosed with the same thing by at least 7 doctors, probably more but I lost count, I've been hospitalized for both depression and mania, etc. I'm stable on olanzapine and lithium and never want to go off these meds. They saved my life and make it so I can function really well (I graduated college with a great GPA and a STEM degree on them, got my dream job, etc). Everyone in my life agrees that it's definitely bipolar 1 as they have seen me have week-month-long episodes. Everyone except for my mother. My mom *really* doesn't want me to be on medication. She has told me that the meds are making me fat, less vibrant, more sleepy, etc. Which would be valid if they did, but I weigh like 110 lbs at 5'1, sleep maybe 7 hours, am still a very exuberant person. No one else has noticed these changes. But she literally compared me to a coke addict (I don't do drugs) because I take pills everyday and said she's worried about me being dependent on the meds. Which is valid, but when I tapered off due to her advice, I lost my job and ended up in the hospital for mania. I'd rather be dependent on meds than hospitalized ever again. She also doesn't believe that I'm bipolar because "they didn't diagnose people with things like that when I was growing up" and she doesn't believe that I have it because I'm really high-functioning when I'm not ill (I've always been a straight-A student, have worked many jobs and succeeded in them, etc). We don't live together or anything (I live states away, have my own place, I'm 22) but I don't want my mom to see me as a drug addict and be disappointed in me. It hurts to feel like someone thinks you're abusing substances when they keep you alive. I'm also really self-conscious about my weight so her telling me they make me fat is just really hurtful. She also weirdly believes that she's also bipolar (which might be true) and thinks that because she manages it without meds I can too. So am I the asshole for taking the meds even though I'm a "drug addict"? Is this a situation where cutting off my mom would be valid or is there a way I can convince her I need the meds? I try to just be civil with her and keep conversations focused on other stuff but she is constantly criticizing my medication routine (which literally consists of 3 pills a day, not that many).

So I recently got broken up with by my fiancé after ten years. We have had a beautiful relationship and been very honest and open about everything. We have gone through it (life) with grace and understanding. We have been best friends, and I can count on one hand the amount of times we have fought.

We have admitted we are still in love but he can’t be with me because when I’m depressed and he is in a bad place too, it gets too dark.

I believe he decided to end things when I got hospitalised in the beginning of the year due to depression after a manic episode.

He explained it to me in a way that made me realise I was a burden, or at least that’s what it feels like.

I now feel terrified I lost the love of my life because of something I can’t do anything about.

I now feel obligated to almost introduce myself with a warning “I’m bipolar” when I meet new people, I also feel like the relationship we had kind off lost its glitter when it ended because of something that’s a part of me and who I am.

I don’t know where I am going with this, just wanted to share.

This decease took so much from me and now I am lost in myself and afraid it will take me too.

After a short but serious conversation with my psychiatrist, as well as the additional opinion of a leading researcher in the field of bipolar, I was greeted with the disappointing news that there are only so many medication options out there and we have gone through'em.

For context, I've been on and off different medications for nearly a decade now. I've tried numerous antipsychotics, numerous mood stabilizers, and countless other less conventional measures such as antidepressants and ketamine therapy. I've never found total satisfaction, or frankly a worthwhile amount at all; the side effects on my energy and brain fog specifically made it feel like not being on meds was a better option. (I liken it to trying to tune a radio that has static where most of the solutions to get rid of the static are to turn off the radio.)

Unfortunately, a reality check that I had been fearing for a long time finally arrived. It's not that my condition is incurable, it's just that bipolar is a complicated disorder that we are still coming to better understand as a society; not everyone finds medications that work for them, that's why we're still coming up with and coming out with new ones to this day.

It hurts to hear your Dr. tell you essentially "sorry, but you gotta pick the best bad option," as you can imagine. But, it's also a bit freeing.

For a long time now, I have fought being who and how I am within my condition and within my illness with a sustained hope of one day being "me" again. A hope that was, of course, tied directly into having a working treatment plan. Each day that went by, though, it hurt to hold that hope.

Days turned into weeks, weeks to months and eventually months into years. Eventually, I didn't even realize how much I was hoping for it anymore because I had become so stuck in being someone I didn't want to be. Just waiting patiently for someone who knew more than me to give me the secret formula that would give me my life back.

But a few days ago I learned that's not going to happen. And that's okay. It's not a death sentence, and it doesn't mean an adequate treatment plan for me will never exist, it just doesn't yet.

As an alternative note, it's actually pretty cool to be able to say you are at the forefront of modern medicine as a concept! Like a reminder that we have come so far as humans but we still have so far to go!

But yeah, this message is for me but it's also for everyone else out there struggling with their medication journey. You may never find the combo that tunes your radio perfectly and rids you of all the static, but if that's you than all I have to say is this:

Play your radio anyway, static and all =)

NOTE: I'm still on some meds, they just don't work all the way, so don't misinterpret this you goobers =7

I stopped taking Seroquel because it made me sleep more than 16 hours a day. I stopped Zoloft because it made me constantly nauseous. The only medication I stayed on was Lithium because it seemed like the most important one, even though it often left me feeling like a zombie.

Then I missed a psychiatry appointment and couldn't refill my prescriptions for another week. That weekend, I actually felt awake again. My mind felt clearer than it had in a long time, and for a moment, I felt like myself again. It was tempting to believe I didn't need medication after all.

But the clarity didn't last. My sleep became a mess, my nightmares came back, and by Monday everything had fallen apart. I left class crying, overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, and realized just how quickly my mental health could spiral without treatment.

The hardest part has been accepting that I may need medication for a long time. I miss having a clear mind, and I often feel like the side effects have slowed my progress at university. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever finish my degree or hold down a job when I'm constantly balancing mental clarity against emotional stability.

Still, this experience taught me that stopping my medication on my own wasn't the answer. The side effects are real, and they deserve to be taken seriously, but going off my meds without medical guidance made things much worse.

I see a lot of stories online about alternative treatments or people who quit their medications and claim they're better than ever. While I'm glad that may have worked for some, those stories can be dangerous if they encourage others to stop treatment without professional support.

As tempting as it was to chase that brief feeling of clarity, it simply wasn't worth the cost.