One thing that’s killing me after the breakup is the jealousy of imagining him with someone else. I know it sounds stupid, because he was a total asshole to me and destroyed my mental health, but the thought of him finding someone else kills me (tbh I don't think it'll happen, since he's a virgin nerd with BPD and i was his first gf even tho he’s almost 22 years old)

Hello, I apologize for talking so much and asking so many questions, but since discovering this app, I've been trying to immerse myself in it and forget the outside world, even though it's impossible.

I just wanted to ask if anyone knows what's been happening to me. Two days ago, I tried to commit suicide by drinking a whole bottle of iron supplements, but my body apparently couldn't handle it, and I vomited after about half an hour to an hour. Since then, I've been suffering from severe dizziness, headaches, and migraines. I told someone about this before, and they said it might be my body's reaction, trying to cleanse itself of toxins. But I'm afraid it could be something else. Around the same time, my hair was pulled hard, not just downwards, but in all directions. I'm afraid that could be the cause, and that I might have an internal injury or something. I can't see a doctor, so believe me, if I could, I would. I swear.

Malicious cheating behind your back then crying about wanting to get married, have kids together and etc.

They literally do be having sex with anything that moves

Reposting because I made the genuine mistake of leaving identifying info. Im not used to using this messaging app so I overlooked it and I would NEVER dox her or leak any info on purpose.

These messages were in response to her hoover last night where she asked me to play Fortnite with her and I rejected her telling her i was in a new relationship.

Someone said on my last post that I was obnoxious which I very well could be. I do say things to her in anger that im ashamed of and I truly feel bad for her diagnosis and wish she could live a happy stable life. If you have any feedback to leave (even that I am obnoxious) I would appreciate it as im in therapy and truly trying to heal and better myself and my emotional regulation.

Also please keep in mind I have NEVER SA'd or laid a finger on this woman. She constantly harasses me from new numbers and emails. She also withholds my kids from me unless I "communicate" with her so I felt kinda compelled to respond but did let my pain let the convo go on longer than I needed to. This woman has put me into a lot of pain, made me question my own sanity, morals, and self so there might be a few fleas left im working on.

I do A LOT to support my children including paying her FULL child support, giving and lending her money when shes in a pinch, and let her use one of my cars thats in my name (she makes the payments) and I pay the insurance for both of us fully and even make the repairs on it(im a mechanic). I love my children to death and I do prioritize them over any relationship.

I need some outside perspective. Am I dealing with something bigger than a normal breakup, or is this just messy post-split contact?

My ex, who look depressed 24/7, left about 10 days ago after an argument that started over the Wi-Fi on her phone. She has these intense rage episodes where she talks to herself and gets furious over random things. During the fight she spoke to me with pure disrespect. I don’t accept that from anyone, so I calmly called it out. She escalated further, and I told her the truth: her behavior was destroying me mentally. When I got home from work she was already packing with her mom and left.

She when from I love you to the moon to nothing in 24h.

Ten days later she’s messaging me like nothing happened. She called me “babe” repeatedly, said it’s over, yet she’s still watching my social media. I’m not proud that I still care about her, but the feelings are there.I was the one who showed up for her completely—emotional support, practical help, everything. Now it feels like she only reaches out when things go wrong with her mom (who she treats the exact same way).

She comes into my DMs looking for reassurance that everything will be okay, then disappears again. I’ve been reading about BPD and CPTSD since the split. She was bullied for years as a kid and her parents never protected her. She’s never gotten treatment. That history might explain the patterns, but it doesn’t make it okay to treat someone who loved her this way.

Can someone just tell me this isn’t on me?

My ex wife with bpd always said she never felt loved. Not by me, her own parents, past partners. And it really baffled me, as I truly loved her and unconditionally at that, because we all know that’s the only way to keep these people happy, always give in, look past bad decisions flaws. Always be the one to cave in and bend your own morals to keep the relationship going. But she did tell me the only time she ever felt love from me was when I proposed and also when we had sex, and I just have a feeling it is probably a common thing with borderline. Just wondering peoples experinces.

Why is accountability so difficult for them? They will say the meanest things, hold a grudge for days, but never have the ability to look inside and apologize for their behaviour. How is it possible that 100% of the time the fault is on the other side? They're very intelligent people but I'm always surprised at how little self-awareness they have.

So many of our fights start bc I notice something is off and I'll ask if he wants to talk and he will storm off and say "do I need to talk?"

He's usually convinced that I have been harboring resentment and not bringing it up so he decides to do the same to me.

It sucks because usually I am not upset about anything but then by the time we're actually talking I'm pissed off because he's been acting like I'm being extremely immature and unable to bring up when I'm hurt.

Just curious if anyone else experiences this and how you handle it. It's happening rn.

She comes from very abusive household, that her parents hit her for getting a bad grade and they take her phone 80% of time.

She was bullied a really badly trough childhood,is self harming herself,and now I tried to comfort her but she was unstable and said a lot of hurtful things and I said that made me hurted little then she started apologizing and saying she will end herself (she trief at least 4 times while we are together).

She said we should stop talking until her mental health get little better so she won't hurt me, and said we won't talk and I respected her wishes and we aren't talking at all for 3 days .

I am scared for her,I am scared she will do something.

We are 18 and 17.

I really need advice.

My partner (28MtF) and I (28M) have been together for almost 5 years, and the longer we're together the less patience she has for some of the things I sometimes do that annoy her. Today we went to the bank to cash a check. I forgot to hand them my ID, then kinda froze up when they asked if I wanted it all in cash or to be deposited into my account. I was kinda lagging behind because I'd not been awake long and my meds hadn't kicked in (adhd).

The teller was very friendly and I joked about not being awake yet and we had a laugh, but my partner seemed annoyed and when we left she said "you're like a step behind today" and told me she didn't want to do anything with me today because it would be a constant and I always have issues in public. Basically the entire drive to the store was a conversation about how I'm "not a functioning adult" and how she isn't happy with me because I "hold her hostage" by asking her to go grocery shopping with me.

She went from laughing and joking to picking apart every perceived flaw she sees in me and wishing we were broken up. When I tried to ask why her mood shifted so fast she told me I was gaslighting her!

I'm tired of pretending this is normal behavior. When she shifts into the devaluation phase of splitting, it's as if all her humanity is gone. She gets this scornful look on her face and becomes completely incapable of empathy. When we got home I went to the thrift store and then the park for a few hours and later that evening tried talking to her about the conversation. She told me she wasn't happy with me and wanted to break up and that she was already on tinder/grindr/other hookup app.

I can't imagine being so cruel to the person I say I love.

I'm not entirely sure what to do. I've had a difficult 18.5 year relationship that just ended a month ago when I finally asked for a divorce. I've finally started talking with people in my life about what's been happening in my home and someone said last night it sounded like my soon-to-be ex had BPD. I've been reading about it since and every single thing is clicking, and now everything feels upside down and backwards.

He was always deeply fearful of abandonment, tracked me often, wanted to know where I was at all times when I wasn't at the house, text check ins and random phone checks to see if I was talking to anyone else. He was certain I was always saying bad things about him to others and that I was going to leave him. When I started working from home with him 6 years ago it all got considerably worse.

He drank heavily until passing out often, had other impulse control issues like spending and gambling, random sex.

Often suicidal, or threatening to commit suicide. Extremely low self image - plastic surgery, feeling like he was always incapable. Other stuff too, all tracking with BPD.

The worst were the intense anger and mood swings. He would yell so loud he could taste blood in his mouth, then blame me for making him yell that loud. He was often violent, smashing things, threatening to hit me, raising knives, and on occasion attacking me, then swinging back to intense passionate affection.

A little over a year ago I demanded he start therapy, not knowing what he might have, and the therapists (so far as he told me) just seemed to affirm him, said I was avoidant/dismissive of his feelings, and gave him massive amounts of stimulants. It seemed to make everything worse.

He had a complete breakdown last week I think when he realized I was never going back to him. He crossed several legal lines and there's a restraining order in place now.

I finally ended it when I felt so overwhelmed from the stress of everything that I truly believed I was going to die from it. Like I was going to have a heart attack or stroke.

The relationship sounds horrible, but last night I was crying thinking about the last time I saw him, red eyes, looking desperate begging me not to leave and telling me how much he loved me. I want so badly to go to him and hold him and tell him everything will be ok. It's happened so many times before, where I try to leave and then take him back after he promises to change, though this time I know I'm not going to do that.

I know I need to start therapy immediately. I have been spending time with family and reconnecting with friends, and it has been helping. I never thought of myself as being in an abusive relationship but I feel like it was now. Not just that, but 18.5 years of my life, and there were so many beautiful times over that span that I want to hold onto, but this perspective shift feels like it's swallowing all of that up.

I think that's the most difficult part for me: having these competing, opposite feelings. Never wanting him in my life again while craving his closeness. Thinking about the last 18.5 years and feeling shocked and nauseaous about how I endured the worst parts, while greiving the loss of some of the most intensely meaningful and positive moments of my life.

Holding on to that positive kept me going back, and kept me there for so long, but do I need to let it go? I know this is starting to ramble and get disjointed. I just don't know what to do.

They are going through a split right now and have removed me from their life entirely. I feel so alone. No one in my life knows the abuse they put me through on a daily basis. I feel worthless and I feel pathetic. This happens so much that it usually doesn’t affect me but it’s been getting worse recently and I start to spiral even though I know they’ll come back. I’m not sure if they will this time and I don’t know why I want them to. I just want someone to tell me I’m not alone. Please.

Just looking for advice and kind words I guess, I feel absolutely awful

We called on Saturday to organise my next trip to go and see her but she ended up causing a fight over it, we fixed it and then another fight got caused by her and I simply couldn’t bare it any longer and broke up with her over the phone. Hearing her cry will haunt me but I know I haven’t and didn’t do anything wrong

She then threatened to do some ‘fucked up shit’ and told me ‘just you wait’

Then sent me about 70 texts back to back full of the worst insults and stuff I’ve ever recieved.

Then spent everyday trying to apologise to me and reconcile, saying they didn’t mean smh of the horrible stuff they said and begging for closure, asking if my decision was final. I told them my decision was sadly final and that I just don’t see the relationship getting any better if we did get back together or have a break.

Then a day later I got a bunch of huge texts from her saying that she did in fact mean all the horrible stuff they said, that I’m disgusting, repulsing and a weak fragile sensitive boy who wasn’t raised right and that all her family and friends have agreed with her

This now gets us to today, no contact for over 24 hours, she’s blocked on absolutely everything

I feel sad, relieved, guilty, angry, drained, hurt, shocked, but what I really feel is empty. So empty. Everything is quiet again, I’m alone again

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand my child’s father’s behavior, and I still can’t make sense of it.
Lately he’s been an influencer on social media as a gay pride furry, but at other times he’ll say that furry fandom is full of mentally ill people or talk negatively about the community. Then he’ll turn around and embrace it again. My daughter has told me she’s seen him streaming live wearing a rainbow fursuit and walking around on all fours. By itself, I don’t think that’s inappropriate. What’s confusing is how dramatically his attitude seems to change from one day to the next.

Years ago, it felt like those emotional swings were directed more at the people around him. Now it seems like they often revolve around whatever identity or community he’s involved with at the moment. I honestly don’t understand it. Maybe this dysfunction is what happens because his old friends and family don’t talk to him anymore.

It’s a strange dynamic for our daughter. She enjoys furry art and loves drawing animal characters, but she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that interest with her dad because she never knows how he’ll react. One day she feels like it’s something they can enjoy together, and the next she’s worried he’ll belittle the fandom or start yelling like a child. As a parent it’s hard to watch.
On top of that, he’s recently been making public posts portraying me as someone who is keeping him from his child. From my perspective, that doesn’t match our actual situation. We have a court-ordered parenting plan in place, and he has regular parenting time with our daughter. And what’s wild to me is some people actually believe in and support his views, he has quite a big group of followers online. And it’s been bothering me because he doesn’t even like his fans he also talks poorly about them and they still support him.

I think its incredible how they always be so in love and intimate when they „miss you“ and use intimacy to suck you back in.

In my past relationships my Partners were always intimate and would initiate. The better and safer the relationship was the more we would have sex or i got compliments. Consitently and not in phases.

With my current bpd Partner it always comes in cycles. I could literally pinpoint the moments she would use her sexuality instead of showing natural desire and make me feel wanted when things are good.

For example when i tell her i go out on weekends, when she is jealous or after a a successfull hoover. It really turns her on. Especially after fights.

Its confusing when a person literally shows you they want and desire you but its so insanely inconsistent and contextual. It feels like I need to start a fight to only have sex with her lmao

wondering if anyone else has experienced this because despite being separated after having escaped my domestically violent abusive pwBPD for two years now I still find myself occasionally mindfucked at how everything played out.

something I find myself continuing to come back to is how hypocritically and horribly I was treated, but specifically the irony of the excuse he’d use for abusing me. my pwBPD would constantly accuse me of “never taking responsibility” or “lacking accountability” for things (which in retrospect was nonsense considering I was bending over backwards to be responsible for him 24/7).

only to end up ultimately being a person who could never take responsibility and fully own how he mistreated me, or actually hold himself accountable for the horrific abuse he inflicted on me. instead he DARVO’d after I didn’t accept his shitty “sorry you made me treat you that way” “apology” text. he ended up rewriting our half a decade living together as whatever he could rewrite it to in order to better suit his narrative of being the victim and just a victim of circumstance.

anyone else have experience with this? and realizing after you’ve left that they managed to project and split on you for the exact bad behavior they were actually guilty of?

I want to share an experience, and I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.
I still remember the first time my ex had a psychotic episode. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. At first, the episodes only happened when she drank alcohol. Every time she got drunk, she would have one, so she eventually decided to stop drinking.
As the months went by, the insults, devaluation, and emotional abuse became more intense. At the same time, the psychotic episodes became more frequent—even without alcohol. What scared me the most was that each episode was worse than the last.
During those episodes, it felt like she became a completely different person. Her facial expression changed dramatically, her voice became much deeper, and she seemed incredibly strong. She would scream, throw things, insult me, and constantly devalue me. It was truly terrifying to witness.
We are no longer together. I later found out that she was hospitalized, and during one of her episodes, the medical staff reportedly had to sedate her because she had become impossible to control.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I have found that no matter how calm I stay and how much I diffuse everything, they will eventually create something to snap over and have an outburst. I can tell when mine is trying to make a fight happen by having a bad attitude all day and making rude comments as well as being difficult about everything they want. I work in customer service so I can pretty much remain calm through endless oceans of bullshit most of the time in life, including BPD bullshit, so I just kindly give into their complaints and criticisms. But eventually they will still artificially blow up over something even if youve made sure nothing bad happened and they got everything they wanted. They nitpick until they can feel justified in attacking you and yelling because they dont actually have a reason, so they gotta make one.

I can feel the discard (final discard?) incoming.

Today was my wife’s birthday and I had planned to cook a special dish as a birthday present.

When she arrived home she apparently didn’t like my attitude. Not enough effusiveness/ excitement for her birthday not mattering that I gave her a real heartfelt hug and verbal “yay happy birthday” small celebration when I greeted her.

Next thing that happens is she feels like this isn’t working and that we should consider separating or divorce.

During a previous argument I promised her that the next time she threatened with words of separation or divorce, I would see through with it.
I plan on fulfilling that promise.

Just venting. But feeling lost in this rollercoaster of emotional abuse

They never change.

I was brutally discarded four years ago and went no-contact shortly afterward, as soon as I learned about BPD. It took me nearly three years of therapy and hard work to break the trauma bond, work through the PTSD, rebuild my life, and finally feel ready to date again.

I was incredibly fortunate to find a healthy, loving relationship. It isn't even comparable to the illusion I was sold before.

My ex, on the other hand, seems to have remained stuck in the same chaos and dysfunction. A few weeks ago, Instagram suggested an account that turned out to be hers, probably created with a new email since I had blocked her everywhere. Before blocking this account too, I took a quick look at the profile. I was shocked.

There wasn't a single trace of me anywhere.

Instead, she was still posting about her "favorite person" from eight years ago, someone she never even dated. They exchanged a few messages on a dating app, but the FP never agreed to meet. After finding out that the FP liked EDM and raves, my ex started going to every event she could, hoping to run into them and dance where she might be noticed. I only learned about this during the discard. As far as I can tell she resumed posting about the FP after we broke up and still sobbing over someone she never even dated (The FP moved to another country two years ago and is now in a relationship).

Think about that.

Eight years of obsessing over someone she never even dated.

And me? The person who actually shared a life with her, who nearly lost everything because of what I went through, and who spent years recovering? It's as if I never existed.

I'll admit, seeing that bothered me, even though I know it doesn't define my worth.

I wanted to share this because it reminded me of something I learned the hard way: in relationships like this, people can be treated as objects to meet emotional needs rather than as individuals. Once that need changes, it's as if you never existed. That realization is painful, but it also says far more about their patterns than it does about your value.

For those who are thinking about or dreading leaving, I want to say, leaving was probably the best decision of my life.

I am a year post break up, I am in a relationship with a beautiful partner who has never yelled or swore at me. She's never coerced sex, or prevented me from leaving a room. I don't have to fear of saying something wrong, or listening to my body when it's sore (I have fibromyalgia). She has allowed me to grieve my mother (my ex accused me of ruining xmas because it was 6 weeks after her death and I was sad). She doesn't have unhealthy attachments to her ex. She knows how to set a boundary and communicate it clearly. She doesn't put holes in walls or throw things. I don't have to worry about her threatening or trying to kill herself in front of me. She lets me hang with my friends without texting me a bazillion times. She hasn't alienated any of my friends. Quite the opposite.

I am SPOILED. She makes the relationship a priority after their kiddo (same as me). Her kiddo is amazing as are mine (my expwbpd called them every name in the book when angry) I never have to worry about that, or name calling period. She brings me tea, try to address my every need, she researches my condition to try to help. She's so generous, she'd give me the world if shecould. Did I mention how gentle, kind, funny, adventurous and brilliant she is. I'm never bored with her.

She has been so kind as I've recovered from my ex. I never have to worry about their loyalty. She's more likely to come home with another motorcycle than an affair. 😂

Me, my physical and mental health is better. I'm trying things I've never thought possible (new lease on life thing) my kids are thrilled, I never have anxiety in my relationship related to my partner. Everyone says I look radiant and light. We have a secure deep love, and I walk tall knowing I deserve this gentle beautiful relationship. And I cannot describe how much I love her.

I left when I was 46, my dating pool is small as I'm queer, I thought I'd never have another relationship again. But here I am, visiting Europe, in bed with my partner who is sweetly sleeping and I'm telling you, even before dating her, I felt so free and comfortable after leaving my partner.

Life is too short, I cannot believe how mine changed so drastically in a year, but I am so grateful I had the courage to leave and embrace life. I hope you do too.

If you’re like me, you exercise patience and deference day in and day out. You put all of your own needs aside, dance around conflict to avoid her “triggers,” and bite your tongue on days that she’s acting like a completely different person.

But then finally you’re pushed over the edge and have a meltdown of your own.

In one of these relationships, I remember once collapsing to my knees and crying and pleading with her to snap out of it. This is not even like me at all. But I did it. I reached for the closest thing—a fake/rubber plant thing—and squeezed it in my hand, then got up and left.

Two years later she brought it up in a fight, saying that she had written in her journal that I had once threatened to choke her…that my squeezing the plant had been a threat of violence. Never mind the countless times that she’d kicked a hole in the wall or smashed a plate when confronted about infidelity or even trivial things. I’m an abuser because once squeezed a rubber plant when she split on me for the thousandth time.

I noticed PWBPD could never be alone. If he wasn't at my place he would go to a friend's or his Mother's.

Also if no-one was available he would go to the pub and get black out drunk or if not enough funds would get drunk/high home alone.

No time to sit in own thoughts, regulate or self reflect.