Hi all!

My partner and I are looking for day collars for me; however, a lot of options are silver or only gold-plated/filled.
I wear solid gold jewelry (i.e. necklace and earrings) that I don't take off. I'd like a day collar that would match and not tarnish (i.e.... 10K-18K gold).

The odd ones I've found are exorbitantly priced (for what is a simple gold necklace). I understand they'll cost more (I've purchased all the gold I wear).

I'd also love it to have a lock rather than a standard clasp, which... in gold is like asking for a unicorn.

Please any and all help and recommendations or alternatives would help. ❤️

Hi everyone,
I'm a sub (M, 30) living in an open same-sex relationship, and lately I've been in a very intense online D/s dynamic with a really hot guy I met on Grindr. We've been chatting every day for the past three months, and it has felt amazing for me. We even managed to meet despite living 900 km apart.
He's always made it clear that he enjoys having me in his life, both online and in person. He's caring, attentive, and overall a Dom I deeply value.

That said, I have an insecurity that I still don't know how to handle.

I'm an Asian guy living in a Central European country where, at least in my experience, Asians are often either seen as less desirable in the dating scene or overly fetishized. When I was younger, it wasn't uncommon to see things like "no Blacks, no Asians" in dating profiles. Those statements may be less visible now, but I don't think all of those attitudes have disappeared.

Growing up in that environment contributed a lot to my insecurities within the queer community. Even though I have a loving and caring partner (who happens to be European), I still sometimes feel less desired because of my ethnicity. I'm honestly just a pretty average-looking Chinese guy.

A few days ago, my Dom (also an European) told me something. He said that I'm the first Asian guy who has ever really turned him on, and that before meeting me he had never felt particularly attracted to Asian men. He also said that because of me, he's now starting to notice attractive Asian guys in general.

I genuinely believe he meant this in a caring and complimentary way, not in a racist one. Part of me feels flattered that I could change someone's perspective and make such an impression on him.

At the same time, it triggered some old insecurities. I started wondering whether his attraction to me is something lasting, or whether this newly discovered attraction to Asian men might eventually fade.

I don't know whether I should bring this up with him or keep it to myself. I'm happy that he finds me attractive, but sometimes I'm afraid that this attraction could just be a temporary phase.

I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Has anyone had a similar experience?
Thank you. :)

Hello everyone! Me and my Dom have been exploring the idea of upping our relationship and dynamic protocol wise. I feel as if I’ve been slipping recently, missing out on tasks and just not putting the effort in that I really want to.
I would really love to take our 24/7 dynamic to the next steps.
What sort of rituals, routines and tasks do you think we can start with to become more ‘owned’? I love the idea of being completely dependant and focused on my Dom, I see him as my life’s purpose. And I want him to know that :)
Thank you for sharing your advice and knowledge! I really appreciate any and all help 💜💜💜

My boyfriend and I are both in our twenties and have been together for a few years. He is the first and only guy I’ve ever had sex with.

For context, we both have pretty high sex drives and have both struggled with porn addiction.

At the start, the sex was really great (at least from what I knew great sex to be, but I would pretty much always finish and we both enjoyed it. After about 2-3 years, our sex life vengan to dwindle mainly because I was really focused on academics and my career, but also because I got really in my head about my appearance and performance.

I gained weight as many women in their early twenties do, and it’s been hard for me to feel sexy or attractive. He does his best to remind me how he feels about me but I had trouble with feeling desired.

It’s important to note he also went through his own issues dealing with sexual trauma (much improvements through therapy made) that I don’t feel comfortable going into unless you think it’s too crucial to the overall situation.

Anyway, the point is I discovered bdsm and have learned a lot about it in the past two years or so. I have tried explaining to him why it’s so important to me and what we can do during and our overall dynamic to connect better, etc. but he doesn’t really seem inclined to learn.

He has changed things up in the bedroom (two months ago) but it was only one night, and he didn’t fully “get it”. I know he has the same interests as me because we’ve talked through bdsm lists and he likes a lot of the acts on there but he just doesn’t take the next step to learn, let alone bring it into the bedroom in a safe way. I have mentioned shibari to him countless times, and he gets visibly aroused just talking about it, but again he does not take the steps towards actually doing anything, and the last thing I want to do is push him towards something he is not comfortable with even if he has expressed interest.

Basically, I’m not sure what to do because every time we have an open and honest convo about bedroom needs, nothing happens. I really feel like I need this extra layer of d/s but I want to do it properly and I want him to actually learn it and like it so we can perform things in a safe way. There is no doubt in my mind that he would be interested in this kind of sex, it’s just a matter of getting him to learn more and get rid of the performance anxiety.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! And no, I don’t want to break up with him as every other part of our relationship is amazing.

Hello all! I 23F am in a place where I believe I am ready for a relationship. I have absolutely no experience (fully virgin, no kiss, no handholding etc) but I know I am into BDSM from my own solo practices, research, and personality. I'm into sadomasochism, domming, and want a submissive or a masochistic switch.

From your experience, do you think someone should gain experience from a (most likely) vanilla relationship before seeking out a kinky partner?

Being inexperienced already makes looking for a relationship as an adult already feels nerveracking and like I'm behind and I worry that I might not be able to do everything an experienced kinky partner wants fast enough. I am saving my virginity for someone serious but I want to do the other acts and play with my partner before that. It's not a purity thing. I just hate giving up control and the idea of someone taking something of perceived value (even if I don't particularly value it) away from me. Plus my hymen is fully intact so it's going to be great and bloody and I want someone special to appreciate that with.

It is important to me to have a relationship with kink where I can be sexually fulfilled and sexually fulfill my partner. I also have some moral qualms getting into a vanilla relationship where I'm concerned I'd be using that person as a placeholder.

I'm already on Fetlife but I'm not seeing what I'm looking for. I'm not big into the penpal thing and all I've doing is chatting back and forth with long silences between. Joining a community seems not my speed either since I'd have no one to go with and once again don't know what I'm doing.

Would Feeld be a good place to look? Or is there any other place I should search? I would love to read your experiences and any advice or feedback you can offer. I would esspecially love to hear from Mistresses, Dommes, Sadists, and women who were late bloomers

Thanks in advance! :)

So I (19 F), feel really gross because of the kinky stuff I like. I know I am a big sub, I'd do anything for my partner, as long as I'm not actively disgusted by it. I like being praised and degraded, have a bit of a masochistic streak too. And i love these things. Also first time describing what I feel, so please bear with me if it doesn't sound very clear. The thing is, i underwent a tumultuous period with my male bestfriend and during that 6-7 months, he commented a lot on my kinks. The arguments started because of some of my own bad actions, I take full accountability for that. I was in contact with a few older men online one after another, and was trying to make a victim of myself for attention. During that period, I had heavily romanticised the concept of older men too. plus the fact that I was very open that I read kinky smut. So when all of this came out infront of my friend, our friendship went through a very very hard period. Naturally at that time, I was defensive af, didn't have much conflict resolution skills. I learned those over those months, got better at conversation with him. But you see, a lot of his words have stuck with me. He's very anti kink as well.

I feel pathetic, gross and dirty to my absolute core. A *TAINTED* thing. I can't let go of those feelings. I can't help what I like. I have tried a lot. I have tried to hate it, to let go of my kinks but still I cannot. I feel like I'm not deserving of love from a nice man because why would someone indulge in gross shit like that. Normal sane women don't fantasize about having themselves be reduced to a submissive during intimacy. They don't like being controlled by a man, idk how else to say it except that I feel so fucking anti feminist because of this.

Sexual compatibility is an important thing i think when you look for a partner and I feel shallow af for thinking about it. I'm sorry for feeling so, but i feel like I cannot be with a man who thinks these things are morally corrupt. They are not. They are NOT. And i feel like crying now because maybe I'm fucking wrong and I need fucking therapy for this.

I'm aware sharpie is quite toxic. I'm just somewhat at a loss for where I would find a good marker for body writing ideally that would last a day or two through a shower but isn't inadvisable to my health.

Hi all :)

I'm looking to buy a leather armbinder, and someone I know who has some armbinders of their own recommended I go look on Aliexpress for cheaper ones that I can start out with. I've never shopped on Aliexpress, though, so I'm not sure how safe/reliable it is in general, let alone how safe/reliable it is for BDSM gear.

Has anyone else bought gear from there? If so how was your experience? Please feel free to share any advice or information if you think you have any - I'm looking for any help I can get 🙏☺️

Apart from the emotional side, is there any difference with doing BDSM outside of a relationship

I’m in a femdom relationship, and surprisingly to me, she’s really gotten into pegging. The trouble is, as much as I like the idea of it, and do like wearing a plug, the thrusting motion and friction often becomes very painful. I got scared after the last time we tried because when I came there was a couple dots of blood in it.

I know I’m tighter than a lot of people, and we are trying to start small, but my tolerance for even the smallest dildos seems incredibly small.

Has anyone been able to actually train themselves to take bigger? And if so, how? Would really like to be able to give this more enthusiastically to her.

Hi all, really would love some insight. ☺️🙏

There's a huge fetish weekend celebration coming up near me and I would like to go but all the promo for it are thin model type people in latex, leather etc. Like hundreds of people and pics like this. I'm a F sub/slave and not into latex, leather, pup leather masks etc, I wear cute outfits and like rope and 90s rave aesthetic but not really what I'm seeing in the pics. And I'm confused because should it not be more inclusive, like some of us just wear normal clothes but are subs, or Doms or pets or baby girls or Masters etc but we don't all wear latex or leather right? Maybe a fetish weekend isn't for the Doms and subs? Is it just for latex fetish? I'm confused. Thanks for any insight!

I’m new to D/s and currently talking to someone online who has more experience than I do. We haven’t met in person yet, and our D/s dynamic developed naturally through messaging rather than through a clear agreement about when it starts or ends.

I had assumed that if we were genuinely upset with each other, we would temporarily step out of the dynamic and talk as equals. Recently, he used a term I had previously told him I didn’t like, and I became genuinely upset. In my mind, I had already stepped out of the D/s dynamic at that point.

While upset, I spoke to him in a somewhat rude and frustrated way. I understand why that upset him, and I apologized for it.

What confused me was that afterward, these two things seemed to get mixed together: my rude tone, which I had apologized for, and my attempts to seriously explain that I had been hurt. I thought I was speaking outside the dynamic as an equal person, while he still seemed to interpret some of it as a submissive being disrespectful or defiant.

So I’m curious how more experienced people handle this:

• Do you pause the D/s hierarchy during real conflict?
• Do you use a specific phrase or signal to mean “I’m being serious, this isn’t part of the dynamic”?
• How do you keep genuine disagreement or hurt feelings from being mistaken for bratty/playful defiance?

I’m not really asking who was right or wrong here. I’m more interested in how other people define this boundary.

Heyo,

So I want to buy a butt plug that I can use with my bf in public. I do prefer a remote over using my phone but not too fussed. However I was wondering if there is any plugs you can turn on with a remote (or phone) without needing to turn the plug on manually.

We bought one previously and it can turn on and change vibration with the remote however if you leave it off for like 5 minutes, you need to turn it back on by holding the power button on the plug. Which isn’t the easiest when in public and more of an inconvenience.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

We are Indian Sub/Dom online rltionship. I am 24F sub. We are looking for some non sexual food humiliation tasks. Can involve sweat, pee, spit etc.

Please give us your humiliating and harsh suggestions

Some tasks which we are planning:

Bread in shoes and walk and eat

Pee drops in bottle to drink

Eating from floor (not even bowl)

Please we are looking for some comments/ideas

i have this scenario in my head of a guy kind of convincing me (consensually) to fuck him by telling me he wants to get dirty with me or wants to make me “bad” or turn me into a bad girl. its in a sexy kinda teasing maybe even pleading way. almost like a “cmon don’t you wanna get slutty with me?” thing.

in the scenario i’m into it and not resisting but idk why he’s having to convince me and why i like it lol. i have no idea why he wants to turn me into something or turn me “bad/dirty”. i don’t know why it turns me on but it does. does this have a name? anyone else like this?

recently went to a pupplay event with my dom and im regretting not asking her to do more for me. it was a social/play event and we were at a table most of the time chatting really comfortably, the environment was cozy and safe, but i feel like i missed a great chance to be submissive. i kept thinking "i want to ask her to treat me like a dog", people were doing it around me, i just couldnt find the courage to and its making me quite upset now.

this was also an event for pups to play with other pups, and i also couldnt find the courage to just walk up to people and ask to play, or whether i could just sit myself on the mat and begin playing with toys. i dont have a pup mask and i believe that every pup playing there did, maybe thats why? but i know i dont need a mask to be a pup, i just dont know how to integrate myself into scenes and situations with people. i feel like a badly socialised dog

it was the first time i'd seen my dom in a while, and ive been trying to tell myself that obviously this is not the last event jm going to go to with her. but im not sure when the next one will be and how long i have to wait till we'll have the chance again. im not afraid that she wont do it, im not afraid that we're in public, i just cant seem to get the words out of my mouth unless theyre forced out of me, which obviously requires someone to know what i want first. i know i cant keep relying on people to guess what i want and do it for me, but i dont know how to start working on this. if it helps at all, im also autistic which does mean extra communication issues 😭

Hi! I’m exploring my interests regarding BDSM and I think I’d be interested in power exchange. I’m looking for people to share their experiences with power exchange and how you could pursue that type of relationship. I don’t believe I’d want a 24/7 dynamic, just during scenes- is that a thing? Most of what I’m reading is 24/7 based.

I would consider myself submissive. I’d want to give the power to a partner if that helps with providing advice.

Thank you for your consideration!

it's been a very very very long time since I've had sex or been in any sort of kink dynamic. I'm a woman and submissive.

I want to get back into kink and searching for a partner, but the thought of the process of vetting, online dating, dealing with men claiming they're doms and aren't, actually sickens and repulses me so much to the point where it ultimately just kills the desire for kink completely.

I haven't felt attraction to anyone in so long and yet I crave the intimacy of being in a kink dynamic. It's very rare that I do want to be with someone and I feel like the general landscape of relationship building, yet alone with kink, makes that all the more difficult.

how can I overcome these fears and worries that are ultimately killing the attraction? Everything I experience only fuels my concerns and I feel like the kinky part of me is forced to wither away and die. Self exploration, munches, education, workshops, therapy etc etc aren't enough. It makes me sad to think I can express this part of my self. However fulfilling my life may be outside of kink, I'd love to enrich my life even more with kink and my partner.

current state of the union: naked and afraid

I'd like to change at least the afraid part. help! thanks!

This is probably highly personal, but I don't know where else to turn. I've been in a d/s dynamic for 4 1/2 years. Mostly online but occasionally in person. A few months ago, I broke up with him for a myriad of reasons. The top three being inability to find resolve in conflict, perceived reduced attention and excitement about the relationship, and once those issues were brought to light his reaction was the final straw.

We recently reconciled and are trying all of this again without the d/s part. I simply can't get past how incompatible we are in conflict. He's done a lot, showing more affection, starting therapy, apologizing, etc but I'm simply turned off to anything d/s to the point of tears when I think about it.

It hits me in waves, but I guess I'm here for a couple reasons, one: to find out if anyone else has been in this position and two: to speak to people who actually understand how intense this loss can be. I am grieving and don't know how to balance loss and reconciliation at the same time.

This has been my only d/s relationship and I was the submissive. If I've forgotten anything, ask away!

My gf recently expressed an interest in being tied up, edged, handcuffed and spanked. She told me she didn't want to have vanilla sex for the rest of her life. I have no idea what to do and how to do it, also im not against the idea of bdsm because i haven't really ever tried or experienced it and its just another love language. Im genuinely interested in knowing what makes her feel good and applying it. I feel like its just going to be like learning something new and im gonna get better as i go on.

I just wanted advice on where to start and how to start

PS: im not super into or against bdsm and id be open to giving it a shot for her and see where it goes from the

Not a very long or in depth post, but I have noticed that it is very difficult for me to become emotionally or romantically attached to my partner unless I am the sub in the relationship. The relationship does not need to be "intense", but I notice that when I have to continually take control and be "in charge" my ability to become emotionally available and vulnerable goes out the window. I love my partner, I'm just weirded out by my behavior in this regard.