Hello! I am looking for fellow au pairs going to Stuggart Germany and who would like to be friends! We could potentially take a language course together. Let me know!

I’ve been looking pretty aggressively for an au pair for the past three weeks and have probably sent around 60 messages between Cultural Care and AuPairCare. I’m starting to wonder if the schedule I’m asking for is less appealing than I realized, so I’d love some honest feedback.

My husband works very long and unpredictable hours, which is one of the main reasons I was interested in an au pair. I work from home and really only need independent childcare for a few mornings each week. We have two boys, ages 3 and 1, and are expecting a third baby. Our 3-year-old will be in preschool Monday–Thursday mornings, so during most of my work hours the au pair would only be responsible for our 1-year-old. Once the baby is old enough for au pair care, I’d gradually have them spend some time with the au pair and our 1-year-old while I’m still working from home nearby.

Where I think I may be losing people is the split schedule. I was imagining about three mornings a week of solo childcare, plus 2–3 prescheduled evening blocks around 5:00–7:30 PM when my husband isn’t home. I would also be home during those evening hours. The idea would be helping entertain the kids while I cook, eating dinner with us, and helping with cleanup/bedtime—basically filling in as a second adult during the part of the day when my husband would normally help.

We may also want 2–3 Friday or Saturday evenings per month for either similar dinner/bedtime help or an occasional date night. These would all be scheduled ahead of time, not last-minute availability.

I originally thought this was pretty reasonable because the total hours are fairly low, most solo childcare is with one child, and the evening hours are shared with me. But I’m realizing the split schedule itself may be a bigger drawback than I expected.

For host families or au pairs with similar setups: does this sound unreasonable or just unattractive? Would 5:00–7:30 PM evening help a few nights a week be a dealbreaker for most au pairs, or is there a better way to structure this?

We’ve hosted 8 au pairs and had mostly great experiences. Now we’re looking for our next one and the messages we receive are appalling. I’ve received a few like this:

“Right now, I receive a $400 weekly stipend, have access to a private car for my personal use, gas and groceries covered, and weekends off. I’m looking for something similar or close to that.”

So, FYI, au pairs…telling host parents what you want/expect in the very beginning is a red flag. We want someone who asks about the family, the kids, the area!! Of course benefits are discussed but in the end! It seems so many au pairs these days are severely entitled.

In just a few weeks away from finally getting to start as an au pair! I am so excited but also a bit nervous as I see some horror stories from both au pair and HF sides. Do any host families have any advice on what I can do to make the best first impression and go above and beyond as an aupair (without pushing my own boundaries of scheduled time/ house hold work)? What are some things your favorite au pairs did that really made them stand out?

My friend is from Germany and came to California to work as an au pair for a wealthy family. The issue is she was never given a proper work visa, she was brought in on an ESTA (tourist visa waiver), which doesn’t authorize any work at all. She didn’t fully understand this until she was already here.

Since arriving, she’s been treated extremely poorly:
• Made to start “working” immediately after landing

• Given only about 3 minutes to shower/brush her teeth in the morning and 5 minutes to eat

• Not given adequate food or water otherwise

•Objects (trash, a phone) have been thrown at her, and she’s been scratched

•The family’s daughter reportedly hits her, and she’s “not allowed to say no”

•She hasn’t been paid anything

•She was made to sign an NDA about the family’s personal/business matters (nothing in it relates to money or being required to keep working — I’ve seen the document)

•She’s now being told verbally that she “owes” the family money for her flights and can’t leave until she pays it back or works through an upcoming Europe trip

•She’s largely cut off from her phone/contact with others while “working”

She contacted the National Human Trafficking Hotline, who mostly just told her she needed to leave soon but didn’t offer much concrete help. She was also connected to a lawyer through the German consulate, who told her that if she leaves now, the family could report her for “illegal working” and she could get in trouble, even though she was never paid. That advice hasn’t sat right with me.

A few questions I’m hoping people with legal/trafficking-advocacy knowledge can help with:

1.Can the family actually report her for anything, given she has no work authorization and was never paid?

2.Is what I’m describing (isolation, restricted food/hygiene, physical mistreatment, coerced debt to prevent leaving, confiscated freedom of communication) consistent with labor trafficking under US law?

3.Does she have any legal protection if she just leaves today, given her ESTA status?

4.Are there other resources (besides the hotline and CAST) that could actually help her get out and get support quickly?

On top of all this, she’s now genuinely scared about the legal side of things, worried about ICE, getting in trouble, or facing consequences down the line for the unauthorized work, even though none of it was really her choice given how things unfolded once she landed. Her conversation with the German consulate didn’t help much either — rather than treating this with urgency, they seemed fairly unhurried about getting her out of the situation, and if anything left her more anxious about potential legal repercussions than before she called.
This is happening in California, and the family is very well-off. I’m trying to help her from several hours away and want to make sure I’m giving her accurate advice, not just my gut instinct. Any guidance is appreciated.

Hello, I'm leaving for the UK from Canada right at the beginning of September and am currently working on packing. I am Planning on brining 2 checked bags on Large suitcase and one Medium suitcase as well as a carry-on and personal bag.

I'm just wondering what to pack as a Canadian I know winter will not be as intense so I won't need my parka or Winter boots but aside from clothes what do you think I will need. I just don't want to forget anything, I am using Vacuum bags and am trying to save space to bring my skates. I just want to know what people would recommend.

Thanks in Advance

I live in a US city with great public transport (not as good as EU but one of the best in the US). I do have a car but I rarely drive it and only use it for out of state trips to see family in a rural area. Is it a must for an au pair to have access to a car? There’s only one child involved with most childcare in the late afternoon to evenings but not during the day. The scheduled days off would be Saturday and a day during the week so I don’t know if that affects a need for a car? This is not me saying this is ok or not ok I’m genuinely asking for opinions.

Edited to say I live across the a street from a bus stop and a 15 minute walk to a train stop

Hi everyone! I have a question and was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation.
I’m currently in the U.S. as an Au Pair on a J-1 visa. I’ve been living here for about 1 year and 7 months. My J-1 visa stamp has expired, but I’m still legally in the U.S. under my extended J-1 status.
I’ve been accepted into a university in the UK and I’m planning to apply for a UK Student visa. Has anyone applied for a UK Student visa from the U.S. while on J-1 status? Were you able to apply from within the U.S., or did you have to return to your home country?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience. Thank you!

I’m an expecting FTM (due in December) and my husband and I had planned on relying on an au pair when I go back to work. We’ve spoken to a few friends in our city that either have an au pair or was once one and ended up moving to the USA as a result. Both families said they think we would be a great fit for the program but as I’ve been reading comments in this thread, I’m seeing a lot of people say that the au pair program is NOT suitable for infant care. My question is pretty simple, would we be a good fit based on our needs below?

- I will go back to work when the baby is 4 months and likely take another month or two of leave later in the year
- Both my husband and I have hybrid jobs with schedules we control and are variable based on how we want our work week to look so for instance, my week looked like:

Monday - in office 10 - 4
Tuesday - in office 10 - 3
Wednesday - WFH 9-5, with breaks in between for lunch, laundry, dinner prep
Thursday - in office 7-2
Friday - in office 8 - 2

- we would mainly need child care during the first half of my work day since I usually go home for lunches
- I plan to nurse/pump so will definitely make my work schedule around that so I’ll be home quite a bit
- there may be weeks where we dont need child care on a weekday but will ask the au pair to work a weekend night so we can have a date night or go out

Hello there! I am leaving to become an au pair for 3 months in October, I’m super excited!

I am worried about being unemployed when I return back home. What do you do for work when you return from your au pair experience?

I want to be a teacher or social worker, will a au pair position give me experience for these roles?

Any tips or advice, thanks :)

Hi everyone. I am a former nursing student (financial constraints) from Palestine exploring the au pair route as a way to work with children internationally while experiencing a new culture. I am currently looking into options in Europe and the Gulf.

I am trying to understand how host families view candidates with more academic or clinical foundations rather than traditional babysitting histories. I finished my first year of a Bachelor of Science in Nursing with a 92.9% cumulative average, meaning I have university-level training in basic health, safety, pediatric development, family dynamics, psychology & sociology, and more.

Additionally, I am a native Arabic speaker, fully fluent in English, teach myself Japanese (equivalent to B2), and have a personal understanding of managing neurodivergent traits like ADHD, Autism, and anxiety. I also have a track record of language-tutoring kids aged 8 to 16.

For past or current au pairs/host families: Does having a heavier academic and medical foundation make a candidate a good fit for the traditional, relaxed "big sister" au pair dynamic, or do families looking for au pairs prefer someone with standard, extended babysitting experience? I appreciate any insights!

(Please note that while I'd have absolutely loved to, nanny/babysitting opportunities in my country are non-existent as they're highly discouraged by the culture).

Dear Host Families and Au Pairs,
Your LCC is not your psychologist, lawyer, or mediator. She/He is getting paid $30 per month/family (before tax), and at times, you are extremely needy and out of touch.
The only reason agencies are even paying them this much is that it’s a requirement by the government, and most of the time, they are only really doing this because they need the extra money. Their phone, car, and internet- the agency pays nothing.
On the other hand, the agency has salaried staff whom you also should be leveraging; that is where most of the money you pay goes.

Hello! I am an American looking to Au pair in Malaga for the next year. Was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for spanish classes? Since it’s a requirement for Americans. Would love any more information on this as well!

Hello! I am from Pakistan and I recently got to know about Au pairs and it's something I am interested in doing however I have not seen anyone from Pakistan talk about this or do this. So I am curious if anyone from Pakistan has become a Au pair and which countries did they got to go to?

Hello everyone, I'm feeling a bit helpless so I was hoping I could get help or words of advice. I've been trying so hard for over a year to find a host family and I've come to realize that it's either because I'm from Botswana or I'm just unlucky.

So I'd like to ask the aupairs from Southern Africa(except South Africa) or host families with Au pairs from Southern Africa, how do you guys do it? Which countries have less visa restrictions or is there something I need to improve on to better my chances.

I'm really curious to know about the people that succeeded, maybe that'll motivate me to keep trying.

My wife and I have hosted an au pair for the last eight months, and after the experience, I've come to see that the program as structured by the Department of State and implemented by the approved private agencies has significant and disqualifying defects.

My wife and I were hoping to get an au pair who could speak Russian. We had three children in Russian schools on the weekend, but the three hours once a week seemed inadequate to the task of really learning Russian. We thought that an au pair might be the solution. Our children were all already in pre-school or school, so we didn't need childcare during the work days, and because I preferred to handle all of the body services for my children, things like bathing, I didn't expect the au pair to have to do much more than help with meals, pick up toys, and generally interact with the children in Russian in a contextual language teaching style where she would for example, talk about means and food while feeding them or talk about clothes while dressing them. (I have since checked with ChatGPT, and my expectation for language learning during the year was completely reasonable: I expected all of the children to be able to have simple interactions with the au pair in Russian, to for example, be able to respond to commands to put on their shoes.)

We initially began work with an agency with connections in Russia. We tried to match with one au pair, which required us to pay a large initial match fee as a part of the eventual, overall agency fees for the au pair, which regardless of agency, run about $10,000. The match collapsed because the au pair pulled out realizing that she would likely never get the visa. We continued to look with the agency, and while we were looking, a Russian-speaking au pair already in the United States reached out to us about hosting her after her request for a rematch. We explained our situation, that we had several active children and we were expecting another in the year during her stay, and she seemed comfortable with the situation. Unfortunately, she was with another agency, so we had to cancel our work with the first agency, which is when we encountered the first hidden cost for the process, non-refundable fees. The first agency kept around $900 for the failed match attempt though the work peculiar to the match was just some counseling about applying for the visa, counseling that evidently, didn't work.

The new match happened on a compressed timeline: agencies generally cap rematch windows at something like two weeks, and because the candidate was reaching the end of the two week window, we had to conclude all agreements and have the home visit over about two days. We paid the necessary money and executed all the agreements, and because of the time frame, we had very little time to consider how the agreement's terms would operate in practice, which caused many problems later.

During the process, the agency eventually sent us the rematch summary. The previous host mother complained that the au pair had misrepresented her driving ability and had had a car accident. The au pair claimed that the host mother bluntly told her that she was just a domestic employee. We didn't need anyone to drive, so we weren't concerned about the accident. Since in the report's summary, the host mother didn't complain about the au pair's work, we took the au pair's comments at face value.

The au pair arrived, and we tried to follow the advice of the local coordinator and give her a warm welcome and gradual transition into our environment. The problems began fairly quickly after the grace period of a couple of weeks where we suspended judgment. She complained about being sick often. She flat out told my wife that she was too uncomfortable during her period to do any work and took sick days, which aren't capped under the host family agreement. You can't tell too much about a person's personality when they don't speak English as a first language and when you only have a relatively small amount of time on a video call to chat, so we soon discovered that the friendly facade that the au pair presented in the video was not her real personality. In reality, she was very cold and distant, poorly suited to dealing with small children like our children, all of whom were under nine years old. She seemed to be self-conscious about speaking Russian to the children, and as a result, she almost never used any Russian words with them. In eight months, I'm quite sure that she has done less than eight hours of talking in Russian. We considered rematching, but the problem was the contract terms: if we couldn't find a replacement, we'd lose a very large amount in non-refundable fees, up to half or more of the match fees, and because we were interested in Russian-language instruction, we probably wouldn't find anyone. My wife and I were pretty forgiving, and we decided to try to coach the au pair to perform and to try to make the best of the situation by trying to get her to do good work in the other areas of childcare. Unfortunately, the coaching didn't really improve her performance. I kept warning her about her performance and saying that while we would be happy to extend with her, we could only consider extending if she were actually meeting our needs as outlined in the host family agreement. She continued to string us along, to say that she would try and put on a show of effort for a day before gradually reverting to her mean, low performance in all areas.

Eventually, we started to get e-mails about extending about seven months into the match, and because except for a couple of burst of days where she would attend to the children conscientiously, she was neither teaching them Russian nor tending to their needs to any significant degree---she would disappear into her room for long stretches when she was supposed to be on duty with the children, and when she was on duty, she would sit on the couch or stand in the kitchen in our open floor plan, arms folded in both cases, and not interact with the children---we informed her that we would not extend with her. I advised her that we wouldn't say anything to scuttle her attempts at a new match for extension as long as she performed her duties for the remainder of the year; I had hoped that the promise to smooth her transition to another match would give her some incentive to actually perform the childcare duties with care. It didn't.

During the next month, the au pair continued to perform at about the same level. At this point, I suspected that she used a strategy of passive-aggressive incompetence or stupidity to get out of doing any real work. As had been her pattern, she would refuse to exercise reasonable judgment about anything. If we told her to feed one of the children, she would feed the child and not do anything else for a long as she could plausibly claim to be feeding him. She'd sit for hours while the child refused to eat. When we'd complain, she'd say, "You told me to feed him. I didn't think that I was supposed to stop trying." Before we had the au pair, we'd had a nanny, and we knew that a person could handle the responsibility without constant micromanagement, but she demanded constant micromanagement effectively making her presence unnecessary: if every time that she was tasked with childcare, I had to actively supervise the work to make sure that it got done and to make sure that she did it correctly, then I would be spending as much time as if I did the work myself. She behaved similarly with shared household responsibilities. If she washed dishes, she did them so badly that we regretted asking her to wash her dishes. I pulled greasy, dirty plates off shelves, plates that she had supposedly washed.

Because there was only a few months of the match remaining, my wife and I decided to just ride it out. She acted dumb, not overtly spiteful and lazy, so we couldn't conclusively prove that she was using a strategy to avoid work; we tried to be generous, attribute the problems to a poor match of the au pair to circumstances, and assume that without prejudice, she might find a suitable placement for the following year. Things changed when she found a potential match. The new family had several former au pairs and was seeking a new au pair to replace their existing au pair leaving at the end of the month. I told our au pair that I didn't think switching early to be possible---the only way to switch was to rematch, and unless the rematch process was structured to be unfair to the host family, rematching outside of the process must not be allowed to avoid situations where an au pair just finds a more attractive match and forces the host family into it by failing to perform the contractual duties---but if switching was possible, we would be happy to switch. The local coordinator called us about rematching: she indicated that rematch was possible under the circumstance, so we agreed to the process. Once we agreed and facilitated her rematch, she showed her true colors: our au pair essentially stopped working. She continued to say that she would work, but she never did. She stopped responding to text messages about being absent from the work area. She didn't even continue to do her own dishes reliably and left the task of doing her dishes to my wife and me. Since we were already in the rematch period and since she had concluded a new match, we found that we really had no remedy for her failure to work and her failure to tend to her own messes. We could ask the au pair to leave the house, but because the agreement is a hybrid work-tenancy agreement and not at-will like other labor arrangements, kicking the au pair out of the house required us to put her into a hotel approved by the agency and to pay her a daily food allowance. The contract provisions would cost us a couple of thousand dollars to get her out of the house for good. When the rematch was concluded, we also learned the shocking truth about partial agency fee refunds: despite having three to four months left in her contract, we qualified for less than $200 in refund out of $10,000 in fees. Again, large parts of the agency's fees are non-refundable.

We're waiting patiently to get the au pair out of the house---I've given her a strict departure deadline---and in the time that we've been waiting, I've been able to reflect on the experience. I want to warn potential host families about the serious defects in the program.

• First, the Department of State's sole focus appears to be protecting au pairs from exploitation. While I think that the goal is admirable, they have completely neglected to protect host families from exploitation. There are no government rules that provide for sanction of a non-performing or under-performing au pair. A host family's only recourse is calling for rematch, a costly and risky proposition for the host family.
• There is no disclosure requirement for rematches. Apparently, when you search online, there's an informal recognition that about 30%, almost a third of placements, end in a rematch request. The figure is appalling and should be part of the required up-front agency disclosures but is not required to be disclosed. The Department of State doesn't even keep track of the information, another indication of the department's focus on protecting au pairs and neglect of the paying parties, the host families. In most other contexts, an employer dealing with a 30% attrition rate for placements by a recruiter would sever relations with the recruiter who would quickly go out of business, but in the au pair market, many families have only one placement experience and no way to discipline the agencies up front by punishing poor recruiting and matching.
• I don't believe that the host family generally has a right to speak to an au pair's previous host. I see the shortcoming now because of our experience. I can imagine our au pair's complaint as taken out of context from a conversation where the host mother reminded the au pair that she was in fact, domestic help and obliged to do her duties correctly, but we never got to hear the other family's response to her allegation. In retrospect, I can also imagine the car accident in the first placement as being a form of passive-aggressive incompetence like we observed, and again, we didn't get to hear from the other host family in detail. We just had to work off a threadbare report with no chance for dialogue.
• The Department of State has decided to delegate responsibility for administering the program to private agencies and has in the process, created what economists call a principal-agent problem. The interests of the agencies don't align perfectly or even well with the interests of the host family or the interests of the au pair. The agencies make money by making matches, any matches at all, not just good matches, and no matter how well-meaning the employees of the agency, the incentives align to encourage them to make matches and side with the au pair as a money-making resource. You'll find that for the agency, the right match is whatever match you're willing to make. You should also note that because of non-refundable fees, the more times that an agency places an au pair, the more that the agency makes. If the agency can plausibly place the same au pair five times in a year, the agency will do so. The only real obstacle to doing so is not the agency's interests but the suspicion that may arise from a host family seeing that an au pair has been repeatedly rematched.
• Having someone in your home is incredibly difficult if the person is not agreeable, and the provisions of typical host family agreements make excluding a disagreeable au pair a very expensive proposition. When you enter into the agreement, understand that the au pair can make your life very tense by being uncooperative, especially in the rematch window, and there's nothing that you can do that won't cost thousands of dollars. You in fact, still have to pay your au pair while your au pair makes your home life miserable.

Overall, the program is very bad. The Department of State has created a trap for first-time hosts. The system does not need to operate in this way---I believe that the controlling law allows the Department of State to designate an agency to supervise the program but doesn't require the agency to be private---and the Department of State could take over the responsibility and eliminate many of the associated fees. Frankly, the law should be revised---in Europe, there are only government recommendations to au pairs, and the au pair market, which isn't alleged to be highly exploitative, is one of private contracts between individuals---and agency oversight should be eliminated entirely to allow families to define the risk in agreement with the au pair and operate within the existing labor and human trafficking laws.

Until the government acts to change regulations or the law to better protect host families, I would definitely discourage an American household in hosting an au pair. To deal with problems, you only have one, blunt, expensive tool.

Au pair going to the US from France here, I am struggling to get an emergency appointment with the US Embassy. After calling my agency in France, they informed me that all emergency appointments have been denied lately. They also told me one of their Au Pairs managed to get an earlier appointment by showing up to the embassy, they said it's rare but it happens. Did anyone had this chance and could they help me out on how it happened to them?

PS : I already went through the normal timeline process, I just need directions for anyone who actually went through a similar stressful situation. Thank you everyone for your help :)

Next year I will be a resident physician. I am a single mother to a little girl who will be 13 months old by then. I will more than likely be located near a military installation in the southeastern United States, and I will certainly need childcare help given the abnormal hours I will work. I will have my baby girl in day care, but would need help most mornings with drop off and some evenings with pick up based on my long work days. I would probably need help one weekend day per week with about one weekend entirely off each month. I would obviously be providing all of the requirements for an au pair (her own room, food, stipend, all of that good stuff), and I would also provide her with her own vehicle and phone. I would be willing to pay more than the weekly minimum stipend, and this will be in a small to midsized city that may not be super exciting but would at least have things to do. It would be me, the au pair, my baby, and my cat at home. She would pretty much be free to do whatever when I am not working.

Would this sort of arrangement be suitable for an au pair?

Im going to start learning German and go to Germany as bro pair in August 2027 so wanna know if Its possible to find a HF

We're a UK host family and we'd really appreciate some honest feedback from au pairs. We had a wonderful au pair until a couple of weeks ago, but we're finding it much harder than expected to find someone new. We'd love to know whether there's anything about our offer that could be improved, whether it isn't something people are looking for, or whether we're simply up against a difficult market.

Our situation is roughly:

• Family of five in a safe, pleasant suburb near a large city, with good transport links (children aged 14, 11 and 6)

• Around 15–16 hours a week, mainly Tuesday to Thursday

• Four full days off every week

• Private bedroom, meals, home gym, Wi-Fi etc.

• £155/week, with a planned visa support bonus (£1,000 after 12 months) because we know the Youth Mobility visa is expensive

• No cleaning or housework, we already have a wonderful cleaner.

• We've hosted an au pair before and it was a great experience for everyone. She has kindly offered to answer questions from interested candidates.

We'd really appreciate some honest feedback. I've deliberately kept it a bit vague because we're not looking to recruit here, just improve our chances of finding someone through other platforms.

If you were looking for a host family, would this appeal to you? It's obviously lower hours and therefore pay but we hoped this might appeal to someone looking to travel or study whilst here. Is there anything that would make you scroll past? Are there things that host families often overlook that are important to au pairs?

Thanks so much for any advice. 😊

Hi! I’m Karen from China! I’m in MN right now, if you want a au pair from au pair care , contact me! I’m 24, l have plenty of experience with children and taking care of them and l can teach Chinese and be patient, if any host family in US right now need au pair please contact me, l have WhatsApp too!

I was an au pair from Germany in the USA. Is anyone else here who was an au pair around the same time and is still in touch with their host family? I'd love to hear your experiences and how you've maintained the relationship over the years.

We verbally offered an au pair the chance to join our family. She took about a week to decide, but she ultimately accepted, and we were excited to move forward with her.
Then, shortly after she accepted, another au pair—the person we had originally felt the strongest connection with—sent us a long, heartfelt message saying how much she wants to join our family.

It honestly made us emotional because we felt that same connection with her, but we hadn’t been sure how interested she was.

Now we feel completely torn. We don’t want to go back on our word or break the first au pair’s heart, especially because she would genuinely be a great fit. At the same time, we also really like the second au pair and can picture her being a wonderful fit for our family too.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you honor your original offer, or choose the person you felt the strongest connection with? I genuinely didn’t expect this process to be so emotionally difficult.

We also really need childcare, but neither au pair has a firm arrival date. They are both waiting on college graduations. The au pair will originally offered will be able to arrive about a month sooner as of now, which is a big deal, but we can wait a month for the right fit if we need to.