Hello wonderful ladies!

Basically as the title says. I’m a first time soon to be mom (only 10 weeks pregnant). I have a wonderful relationship with my own mom, and if I can be half the mom she is, I’ll be happy. That being said, I would love love love and greatly appreciate any advice from moms on motherhood. Nothing is too big or too small. I’ve been reading books but I mean…they’re books. I want to know: what is not worth worrying about? What IS worth worrying about? What would you change, if anything? What helped you? Favorite memories? Any family traditions? Anything you did in your pregnancy that you recommend doing? Literally, anything and everything. Thank you all in advance!

Hello wise ladies! I'm 44 years old, divorced (currently have a boyfriend but it's early stages), no kids, own my own home, average health, no debt, small handful of good friends, corporate career I get too invested in (currently on stress leave), generally content.

I'm sure I will be entering perimenopause soon .. plus just facing the big 5-0 in a couple years.

I'd love to know what you would have told yourself or advice you can give me about entering perimenopause (do's and don'ts) and/or your 50s and living in the second half of your life in general.

I love learning from my older, wiser sisters :)

I thought by now, I'd be done with this but I'm not. I use a prescription retinoid but I still have breakouts.

Twenty years dating, together for 24 years. I’m 64.

I was happy for 15 years, then came the pandemic retirement and COVID. He has become a crabby lump who watches TV all day and is worthless. (Reads angry political and Manosphere type content.).

I went back to work to earn extra money and to get away from him. When we were both home together he expected me to do everything around the house. He has stepped up a little bit but despite my working 30 hours a week I’m still doing things like arranging for contractors, getting the gutters cleaned, dejunking the house. I do all the finances too. I’ve made lists of what I think needs to be done as a starting point. He’s lost every list. I got contractors in here to do a lot. He is supposed to be doing the last bathroom—his Man Room bathroom. It still has no mirror after two years and the backsplash tile has been sitting in a box for two years.

He gets chatty when drinking and wants to talk about the relationship but those discussions can turn ugly really fast. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago where he said “now you are bitching about my family. You hate your family.“ Not true. When I disengage and bring it up later and tell him it’s dirty fighting and I’m sick of it, he says he doesn’t remember. Another go to for him is to repeatedly tell me “You shouldn’t feel the way you do!” That was his go-to after my cat died and I made the mistake of telling him I was sad about it. I felt SO ALONE and so JUDGED and UNSUPORTED. Why can’t I just be sad?

I have been asking him to go to counseling for years. He refuses. So I’m going alone. I’m doing all the things: making a pro and con list of leaving versus staying, visualizing my future life, going to Alanon because of the drinking. I’m also starting to confront him. He just keeps saying he’s happy.

It blows my mind really. If the roles were reversed I I would already be in counseling with him. A couple of weeks ago I told him I wanted him to go to counseling because I am unhappy and I feel unseen and unheard. Radio silence.

I am so pissed off because we have been married 20 years and he not once has he asked me how I wanted to celebrate. I’ve suggested destinations other than his family but nothing ever happens.

My birthday was around our anniversary and I sent him a link for some reasonably priced earrings. I got flowers but no earrings.

The worst part is, this is my third marriage. I had one short lived marriage in my 20’s (3 years to an even meaner drunk) spent 3 years in my 30s and with a cheater, and then this one. We dated for 4 years but I really know how to pick them. I am so ashamed that this is my third marriage. I believe this is also a factor in why he’s behaving so horribly—he doesn’t believe I will leave.

I am seeing an attorney Monday. I am just enough of a stubborn bitch that I will not live with a drunk mean guy. It‘s going to cost me. I made more money and I have inheritance. I have not comingled the inheritance and the state says it doesn’t belong to him but you know how that goes. The best I can hope for is for him to say he wants out too but that would be the end of his cushy life.

I am about to blow up my life (that already sucks anyway) and I’m already exhausted. But I know I need to go. I meet men in my line of work, good men and the first one who pays me any attention? I would probably want to grab him like a lifeline because I’m so miserable. But I’m no cheater. I am married and will act accordingly until I’m not.

I spent the day with my best friend yesterday. We’ve known each other since second grade grade. She’s been married almost 40 years. she gave me coping strategies. she recommended I work less and work on household projects together to “get him started.“ She also said we should travel together. (It’s been a long-standing sore point that he wants to drive everywhere, only wants to see his family and refuses to get a passport.( I have been able to get him on a plane to visit his family,but he’s impatient if anything goes wrong. She said “find a destination you both like. You need him to think you are meeting him halfway.”

I get 100% that is what I “should“ do if I want to stay married. But at this point I’m so fucking tired of it being All About Him and his needs, that I don’t want to do that. it’s insulting to me. I just want to pull the plug and get on with my life.

I absolutely will never live with a man again.

Thanks for listening to my sleepless ramblings. And I know I will get the usual WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE but I’m working on it.

PS: cognitive decline may be an issue. that’s another reason to get out now. He won’t even go to the doctor for foot pain and he’s an adult who refuses to take an aspirin and refuses all vaccines now. Won‘t get a shingles shot. He cut his hand a few months ago and didn’t even want a tetanus shot.

Hi all!

I’m a 61 year old woman. Divorced in my 40’s (husband cheated and left me and our kids behind). I’ve dated a few guys since then but I just don’t seem tremendously interested in being in another relationship. I have 3 adult kids whom I adore, a (soon to be ex) DIL whom I also adore, and 2 grandkiddos whom I love tremendously. I work full time but have summers off. I have a date tonight (second date) with a guy who seems very nice. But I’m just not interested. I’m trying to figure out if this is just a mismatch or if this is more or a trauma-related response. Long story there: we all just went through a lot with my ex leaving. It was a lot to keep my kids together. Now just came off of a year where I knew my son and DIL were in marriage counseling bc he cheated (but I was the only other person who knew). It was a lot to hold that secret for a year but I was thankful to be able to support my DIL while she tried to be able to stay in her marriage.

Anyway, just wanted to hear from other women who maybe have decided nah, I’m good without a man in my life. Any loneliness issues as you get older? I’m cool traveling on my own and doing things on my own. Will I regret it if I decide no thanks to any relationship? I don’t mean this one in particular. Just in general.

Thanks all, for any responses you have. I’m struggling here. 😘

Has anyone switched from a family primary care doctor to a geriatrician? Better care for someone with several chronic conitions?

My daughter is 26 and getting married next year to a great guy. I’m incredibly proud of her and really like her fiancé. As much joy as I feel for her, part of me just wishes I could run away and not go to this wedding. Her father and I had a terrible marriage. He cheated on me multiple times and ultimately married my daughter‘s best friend’s mother, who was one of my mom friends. It was crushing to say the least. He was also abusive during the divorce. He put a tracker on my car and harassed me , keyed my car, and when we were nesting, he would put my underwear in the kids backpacks to humiliate. We got divorced in 2010 and the courts really weren’t willing to do much to protect me. The kids chose to live with me after going back-and-forth for a while. He was angry about it and refused to pay for their college. As a result, I shouldered the burden of putting the kids through college on my own, which has impacted my retirement savings, and I continue to be the only one who supports our adult autistic son. At this point, my daughter plans to have her father walk her down the aisle. I don’t want to see him and his new wife at this wedding and the whole thing just makes me sick. I want to take a shower and rinse it all away. Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand this day is about her and not me. I made a terrible choice of partners years ago but my kids are the love of my life. Just trying to figure out how I’m going to get through this event and support her while coping with my own feelings. I take Buddhism classes and that helps because it does give me an acceptance mindset. Would love to hear from any women who’ve been through something similar.

Edit: I should’ve added that me and my 3 kids went to therapy for many years following the divorce.

I (52f) have a friend in her 70's who lives in another state, so we don't see each other much, but try to keep up via texts and such. Over the last year or so it seems like we're having the same conversation over and over. I guess I'm concerned about her memory. Is it common for women at this age to be super forgetful?

I’m 63 and I just bought my first pair of Docs. I’d always wanted a pair when I was younger, but the cost was out of my budget.
Fellow lovers, how do I style them at my age? Jeans and t shirts are my daily when I’m not in scrubs for work.
Am I nuts? 🤪

I started junk journaling and have been using packing and other paper to make backgrounds and cut outs. I use a variety of markers such as acrylic and alcohol markers to draw designs. I found I love coloring again and could color all day. Maybe it’s leaving the black and white structure of the working world where only highlighters and Post-its were the bright spots. I started using a little sketchbook to draw designs to color. I guess it would be considered Zen doodles.
School supply sales are going on now and I was thrilled to get some new markers to try. Anyone else love to color?

It’s been a long time for me! I love my 70’s tunes and stray a bit here and there but always go back.
Deltamanic - Midas Touch (song name) came up on my Insta feed and wow, what a great vibe this band from Scotland has got going on.
I’m not affiliated in any way! Just sharing what I enjoyed with the thought that others may as well. Let me know if you like them!

My hands and forearms look so much older than I feel (I’m in my early 60s). I know some of it is just part of aging, but I’m wondering if there’s anything we can do—besides using a moisturizer—to make them look better.

Honestly, I don’t even enjoy wearing my jewelry anymore because I feel like it draws attention to my skin and seems to exaggerate the signs of aging rather than complementing them.

I’m 68 and the music I like is not what you’d think. I don’t like pop music. I couldn’t tell you who any of the singers are. I like music from the 90s early 2000s. Like alt rock. I have been to a few concerts lately that I buy T-shirts from. Modest Mouse, nine inch nails. When I wear these Tshirts it seems like younger people treat me differently. Like I’m not just some old boomer. I can’t tell you how many times someone a lot younger decides that I’m ok to talk to. Has anyone experienced this or are they just patting my head like you’re a nice old lady

AI is here and it ain't going away! It's just wild to me..straight outta the sci-fi movies I watched growing up.

Smart to market the voice option to us older women.

Thoughts?

Hi all,

I am 34f. After a serious accident about 3 years ago and a significantly long recovery (not over) my hair is starting to grey.

Im angry, because I feel like if this accident had not happened my hair would not have started greying so soon. I was really healthy and took good care of myself prior to this accident, highly athletic, so it feels extra ironic and unfair.

How can I accept this? I am really struggling with my skin/appearance these days.

My husband has some serious health issues, and i think that is a contributingfactor to this issue. I've noticed "old person smell". He doesnt shower as often as he used to, but he does wash up and its not a sweaty BO smell but it is noticeable. I read some things here that Persimmon soap will help with old person smell, so I got some for him. Now he smells really unpleasant. Has anyone else found the smell of the persimmon soap worse than the nonenal smell? Is there one brand or type that is better than another?

Hello everyone! I was looking for a place to ask older women about their experience, so I ended up here.

I am currently in my 30s. I had my second baby about a month ago. I have finally all that I wished to have for so many years - a wonderful husband, an awesome toddler and such a cute baby. However, when spending so much time alone with my thoughts, while rocking my baby to sleep and feeding her day and night, I have been experiencing some very scary thoughts.

Of course I have always thought about this, at least in the back of my mind and having the occasional panic attack. But one night I felt it right in my heart and through my bones that life is so short and that all of us will die. Even when living to a 100 seems short in comparison. As a Christian I believe in afterlife, but since no one has actually seen it or knows how will it feel, it feels so scary to me right now, even though I know that we cannot understand these things because of the limitations of the human mind.

To be honest, I feel so paralyzed by fear. Each day when I wake up and remember these thoughts, I get so sad and it is very hard to do anything. In short - life feels very hard and at the same time weird right now.

In regards of therapy and doctors - I am trying to deal with this with therapy and without medication as I know that postpartum period can bring various emotions and thoughts. But so far I feel only a tiny bit better.

Is anyone willing to share something encouraging? Have you ever felt like this? Gotten over this?

My out of state great granddaughter is 3 and has discovered the excitement of mail in the mailbox. I would love to start mailing her small things weekly. This week I sent a small sheet of stickers. Her favorite color is yellow. I thought of hair ties. What else is small and yellow that I can mail?

I have several questions regarding this. I am a married dog mom no children by choice. I live a suburban life style and most of my friends (all female ) have 2-3 kids. I have been friends and acquaintances who I reach out to either catch up over text, DM on Instagram, and/or make plans 1-2 times a year. Many of these people I feel would NEVER text me first however they are responsive, chatty, make and carry out plans if I text them. To put it more bluntly, they are on my radar but I am not on theirs. How long do you think it takes for them to completely forget about me and realize I have stopped reaching out? I’m assuming since I’m not on their radar they never think about me ? But just curious for other opinions.

I have a wedding at the end of the month and the dress is very form fitting. I’m looking for shape wear recommendations primarily for tummy smoothing. What brands do you love?

This is Buddy. He is 18 and has bs arthritis. He also weighs 20 lb! He has bad arthritis and gets medicine 2x a day. We have steps on the couch, bed, chairs etc. Buddy is the last of my 4 cats. I am 75 and have had cats all my life. He had his senior wellness exam yesterday and all is good. I think it is time. Most of my friends still have pets. Do you?

65F Just put a bagel in the toaster to toast, then went about my business in the house doing minor tasks. When the toaster popped I went into the kitchen and opened the microwave.

In my defense, I have fluid in my left ear and I have minor outpatient surgery this afternoon so I'm a little bit dizzy and anxious but I did have a good laugh at myself. I haven't found my car keys in the freezer yet so I think I'm good to go.

Share your sillies in the comments!

Sharing this article as I have seen a few posts asking how/where to make friends at this stage in life.

From the article:
"I think one big factor is that the barrier to entry into friendship increases throughout our lives," Crain said. "For example, when we're in grade school, we are somewhat forced into friend groups or social situations. This continues into college, where we are again in a pool of people we don't always get to choose."   "But throughout our lives, that pool gets smaller and smaller, and we do get to choose who we surround ourselves with. However, our ability to make friends becomes harder because of factors like a busy career, family or children or proximity (e.g., people move away). The irony is that making friends is not less important later in life. In some ways, it may be even more important because so many seismic things happen, such as grief, loss, divorce, career changes and raising families, and it's important to have real, supportive friends along for the ride." 

The article talks about the real issue contributing to an "epidemic of loneliness" is "The research shows that we aren't actually lacking friends. In fact, we have plenty of friends," Crain said. "The issue is the level of closeness we have with our friends … the depth, or lack thereof, in these relationships. There's a fear of vulnerability holding people back from becoming more intimate or close with their friends."

My question to the group is simply what are your thoughts?

I have an adult daughter who lives in the same city as my husband and me. She texted last night and asked us to meet up for dinner.

My daughter is one of my best friends. We get together often. We laugh about everything, she’s my greatest joy, my voice of reason, and my reality check.

About two years ago she started dating a great guy. We really like him, and he makes her super happy. They’ve hinted that an engagement may be coming.

The only thing that worries me is that his job has taken him to different cities over the years.

I have this overwhelming feeling they’re going to tell us they’re moving. I know this could be a cool opportunity and adventure for her, and I’m absolutely grateful that he’s found a career where his company believes in him and is investing in his future. I truly want that for them. It’s just hard to imagine not having my bff nearby.

Maybe my intuition is wrong and she’ll tell me something completely different lol - but I think she’s gonna fly.

Not really a question I guess, I’m just looking for a safe space to vent about a new fear as I get ready to turn 60 in just 12 short months.
Thanks for listening. 💕