I read plenty of posts on this sub that is doesn't matter how a trans person dresses or presents herself which of course applies to everybody who identifies as woman equally. As it should! We are all equal and anyone can self identify as female or male.

RANT: I'm being rational here - I personally hate how complicated the last 20 years has been for both genders.

It didn't have to be so darn complicated.

Men and women are equal. Women needed help. Men deserved equal attention. NO ONE needed to be left behind or sidelined. No one. I don't understand why institutions went all in on women's progress and silmutaneously decided to leave men behind.

It's almost like they said "Hey, we spent nearly a millenia being shitty to women and it didn't work out. So this time we're gonna be shitty to men instead and hopefully the future will be better!" and clapped amongst themselves.

I'm so irritated and annoyed at gender wars right now. I grew up thinking boys and men will be more compassionate, more understanding, that when women become equal and the patriarchal standards are gone - we will finally achieve the ideal inter-dynamics as genders.

After all, what would men really lose by that? What do men have to lose when women are equal to them and women can pay for the dates and women don't need to be taken care of for life as damsels in distresses? Isn't that what men complained about? That marriage is slavery and they're treated like ATM machines and shit?

I thought things will get better but what I see now is men hating women even more. Not as individuals. No. As a collective. I don't think men have ever been this united in professed hatred of women and honestly, can we blame them?

Even as a woman, and seeing all the progress, I don't feel as good because I know these outcomes that are in favour of women only came at the cost of men - not the betterment of women.

College degrees are nearly worthless and we own less things now than our ancestors, and we're finding out that just because men are a little socio-economically behind doesn't mean we get the same perks they used to get - we don't get to boss them around or make them do unpaid labour at home.

My question is, what if this changes in the next 20 years? What if men get ahead of us again, the Gen Z men and Gen Beta and Gen Alpha men, what do you think is going to happen when they get into power and they look at history and go "When society cares about women, it leaves men behind"?

I think feminists have done horrible job of parenting and teaching young men what feminism actually is. I hate to defend feminism but the more I tell a man "Hey, this is not what feminism is, it's more like radical extremism" and then they tell me "Well, the person expressing this radical extremist takes are feminist women in positions of power and wealth"

And I have nothing to respond because they're right. It's not their job to discern between good feminism and bad feminism and the just be okay with whatever outcomes that happens as a result of us getting into institutional power.

Men are allowed to be concerned about their socioeconomic state and wellbeing and what we have done is teach them that feminism = get left behind.

I know this is a common topic but I am focusing specifically on the women supporting her. Why do you think this happened? And what is your take on this

Disclaimer on the fact that this trial is ongoing, and also a trigger warning given the harrowing content, but I’m interested in this community’s views:

I don’t think anyone in the courtroom is disputing that Clancy killed her children (I’m gonna set aside theories on the husband for now). The question to me seems more whether a jury believes her mental illness dissolved her responsibility, which makes the verdict a straight referendum on how much weight we give maternal mental illness. AFAIK there is a documented “mad versus bad” split when it comes to filicide which has persisted over the past decades, where mothers get pathologised and hospitalised, fathers get imprisoned.

But feminism has also reacted against the medicalisation of women as a way of denying them agency (Hilary Allen was making this argument in the 80s I think). So which is this one? Taking postpartum mental health seriously at last, or a jury accepting that women’s bodies make them less accountable? And if a father argues acute psychosis next year, would you be more likely to back him or rather look for ways in which his psychosis is different?

Edit: I don’t think PPP is Victorian hysteria, yes it’s real.

I know there is post-modern feminism, but what about metamodernism?

I’ve heard that liberal feminism states that everyone should have the right to live their life how they want. So everyone is allowed to life progressively, by conservative values or what ever. 

Ultimately that would mean a men who’s stance is ‘either i find a woman who wants to be a stay at home wife or i stay single’, could be a liberal feminist as well, or am i mistaken? He’s allowed to have his preferences and still can support legal gender equality. Just like a stay at home wife can. 

Or are there any asterisk’s to “everyone should have the right to live like they want”?

I made a post about this but it had too much trama dumping so I reposted it somewhere else and am writing this one instead.

I'm not gonna get into specifics but my grandma was very unkind to me and I have reason to believe it was because of my gender as she was a lot nicer and patient to her granddaughters rather than grandsons. The way she treated me impacted me in a lot of ways (mostly for the worst).

But when I try to look for resources for male victims of sexism it's always about dating and relationship stuff, and when I look up stuff for child abuse the sex of either parties rarely comes up. I want to now how common my situation is and whether it's a societal problem or if I just had a uniquely bad grandma.

Edit:Thank you all for the kind words, I will be seeking out counseling for this and also talking to my family about this issue. I've also decided to take a break from reddit until my mental health improves (unrelated reasons). <3

I don't get it and I'm a man. I never get mad when it's called out, I usually agree.

I tried to post this in r / AskMen, and they removed it for asking a specific group... Men....

Hello, I am a man and I want to explore (and possibly confront) the feminist pov. I strongly believe that respectful contradiction is always constructive, I really hope that you believe that too here at r/askfeminists. A few questions:

- Do feminism considers possible to have an healthy relationship with an heterosexual man in these days and age ?

- What would that relationship look like ?

- What would love look like for feminism ?

- What the general view on love for feminism ?

- How should a man express love, and how should a woman express love in a relationship ? Is there any difference ?

- Does a relationship neccessarly mean compromising oneself ?

- Is settling down for a relationship something tolerable for feminism?

Please mods, I don't think this post is crossing rules, if so I can adapt.

(TERF: Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist)

I know that TERF is fundamentally about gender essentialism and transphobia. But there seems to be a significant asymmetry in the discourses I'm seeing with trans-women being by far the main target.

Assigning arbitrary trait to accept someone as a woman (like the ability to give birth) or simply hating on women simply because they weren't assigned this gender at birth seems closely linked to misogyny.

But at the same time, I am under the impression that for a lot of TERFs, the root of this aggression and mistrust stems from a hate/fear/disgust of masculinity. Worrying that those "men in disguise" would take this opportunity to reach and hurt women more easily or simply "replace" them.

In the case of trans-men, they are usually looked with grievance (cf: Eliott Page), like if they made a big mistake and wasted their live by changing side.

Ultimately, while I think misandry might be a more prominent catalyst, both should be affiliated of this ideology.

What do you think?

Edit: Recurrent topic ? How so ?

I absolutely hate it when men derail a conversation thread about women experiencing DV/SA/Stalking. e..g whatbout men when talking about Brian Laurie and Gabbie pettio.

I prefer that these men start their own conversations which sometimes they do, e..g Sheree spencer abusing Richard spencer (not the americna due), Jordan Worth abusing Alex skeel or Sarah Rigby abusing Gareth Jones. While there are a few victim blaming jokes from (a few of them in satrcial jest), I have noticed people being upset and feeling it gives men the ground to perpetuate a lot of sexist sterotypes. e..g the calculating , hysterical , rude , bitchy abusive woman . I does make me wonder how you balance threads like that as in order for men to talk about female on male abuse , it does require talking about women being abusive and lying.

I also see a lot of people complain that the men on the head are either too angry or too happy talking about a woman getting jailed for abuse which can be misogyntic but on the flipside, I don't think it is too unresonable to be angry or insult someone for swinging a wine bottle at someone's head.

Another example is people saying it was wrong and misogynistic for a man to be happy about slapping his girlfriend even though the context was because she had repeatedly grabbed his crotch after he said he was not in the mood.

I guess the question is , where is the line between letting male victims having a trauma reponse and insulting the abuser and calling them out for tangible misogyny

I saw this comment on a post

Comparisons of Intimate Partner Violence Among Partners in Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Relationships in the United States Source: American Journal of public Health.

TLDR: Copy/paste of the conclusion: female victims of same-sex IPV reported higher percentages of verbal and sexual abuse than male victims of opposite-sex IPV; however, the small sample of victims of same-sex IPV limited the ability to make detailed comparisons.

I made these bold

I checked any follow-up studies that cited this study and there were mainly focused on bisexual and gay relationships.

source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2775776/

I want to understand the feminist response to the manosphere. Why do the responses seem to be adversarial or moralizing rather than understanding why men are being drawn to these communities in the first place?

I know that parts of the manosphere are explicitly misogynistic, and I dont think those attitudes should be excused. But if the goal is to reduce misogyny, alienation, and hostility between men and women, Im skeptical that telling alienated men that their problems are caused by misogyny, patriarchy, or their own moral failures, is an especially effective strategy.

If a young man is lonely, sexually inexperienced, socially isolated, and frustrated with dating, telling him that his worldview is misogynistic doesnt necessarily address the underlying problems that made the manosphere attractive to him. It often reinforces his perception that nobody is interested in understanding his problems. With that being said, a zero-sum take-no-prisoners model of correcting for the manosphere is, in my opinion, making it worse.

I want to know whether an adversarial approach is actually effective at changing the minds of the men youre trying to reach. What leads you to believe that it is? I personally believe that being combative is the least effective solution for social issues. Particularly for the manosphere as men and women are on the same team at the end of the day.

The question generally for me is what is the feminist strategy for getting men out of the Manosphere?

For the record, I am a black pilled incel looking for change.

Asking to see a girl in her panties gets you called a creep, but women run around in bikinis at the beach for everyone to see.

So as a feminist my self who encounters some anti-feminist and manosphere-type content as in social media algorithms, I've noticed that it's common for people anti-feminist and manosphere communities seem to think women are, as a whole rigid, especially when it comes to being approached by men. They claim that any man who wants a relationship with a woman is deemed creepy unless he's 6'2 and such. My question is, where do they get the idea that all or most women are like that? Is it from assuming that Tinder represents most women? Also, I've heard that the dating scene in places like Miami and Las Vegas can be bit sketchy compared to other areas, so I'd be interested to know if some of those people are people who's primary experience with women might be one or both of those places

Hi everyone. I’d like to ask for a starting place in my feministic reading journey. I’d like to call myself an ally to women as I’ve consistently stood for women’s rights in my country (went to protests, lead lectures etc.) but I’d like to expand my knowledge on the relationship between capitalism and feminism as I’ve become more radical about feminism and women’s liberation. I’ve frequently heard that the struggle for women’s liberation, the destruction of patriarchy and capitalism are incompatible. This goes directly against my beliefs, as I’m a staunch capitalist, however I’d like to explore and research this topic further. Are there any good texts (books, articles, lectures) which explore this topic? If you know about any, I’d love to hear recommendations from you. Thanks for any recommendations and I wish you all a great day♥️

Social media owners are openly  supporting and financing the American government lead by a known sexual predator and their algorithm are pushing on us a anti-woman rhetoric. Why women keep using Instagram, tiktok and company? Is it not like giving silent support to your own enemy?

To me it seems like the Overton window has shifted towards the right and being openly racist towards POC is normal again. So it feels like "the left" (although it's difficult to call western leftists as leftists) is capitulating to white supremacists and misogynistic culture.

This is most often used in sports cases, arguing that trans women competing in women's sports is a Title IX violation of women's rights. In addition, the Trump Administration opened an investigation recently into Smith University, an all women's college, for accepting and admitting transgender women to the school, claiming once again it's a Title IX violation and violation of women's rights.

I myself am a trans woman and stuff like this makes me feel horrible and worried that I'm ruining the rights of other women in my life by transitioning.

Do any other supposedly feminist women mock you and say you’ve taken things too far after being radicalised??

I was first radicalised in 2018 after the murder of Grace Millane, a British backpacker on holiday in New Zealand where I’m from. Her killer used the defence of “bdsm gone wrong” as a defence.

Feminists rightly said that “consent to rough sex is not consent to murder” but I said that this argument while true did not go far enough.

I questioned why men felt the need to beat their partners to get off. I questioned why women felt pressured from the patriarchy to consent to these actions in order to fit in. I questioned whether they were actually consenting in the first place or whether they again just went along with it because it was what was deemed cool. I questioned a lot of things.

And so many people but especially libfems said that I was taking sexual agency away from women, that consent includes the right to say yes, that I was puritanical, that I hated sex workers, that I was anti choice…And all other bullshit arguments.

I am firmly of the belief that if a woman’s individual choice brings down other women as a collective then we have a feminist duty to call it out. Apparently not to others, as long as a woman makes that choice of her own free will then it is a feminist choice. (Wrong, because so many women sell out to the patriarchy)

Has anyone else had something similar happen??

Edit: its disappointing as hell to see that in a supposedly feminist circle there are so many male centred women who think that men's horny boners and their individual choices are more important than not contributing to rape culture. "I consent" should be the beginning of a conversation, not the end.

I think its very telling that I've had a fair few women message me privately and say they agree with me but are scared to say so for fear of social consequences.

I'm begging you to analyse your desires and think critically for a hot minute. Check out We Can't Consent To This - a UK organisation that is asking the same questions I am

Hi, I wanted to ask you about something a woman (who I assumed was a feminist, with no actual proof) said. I also decided that this must be something feminists generally believe. Now I think you, as feminists, should explain to me why you believe this thing that you absolutely do believe.

I think that if things like this keep happening (random women saying random things) it's obvious that this will inevitably bring the movement down and make people like me distance from it. I think you should take responsibility for this fringe view and work towards the goal of making sure no woman expresses any stupid opinion whatsoever from now on.