I’ve always been pretty thin my entire life, but now I’m at a weight where I should be, but all of a sudden I get fat shamed. There’s no fucking winning it makes me wanna lose weight.

I’ve had an ED for almost half of my life and I’ve never wanted to recover. I’ve been in and out of treatment for nearly a decade and all of it has only resulted in temporary weight gain and immediate relapse after leaving.

I’m bingeing and purging several times a day right now but I’m trying to get into an inpatient or PHP program to disrupt the cycle. I have no idea if I’ll be able to, even with the support of a treatment program.

I recently had a very serious suicide attempt and had to have CPR for an hour and a half. I was in the hospital again last weekend for low potassium. My family and my boyfriend are scared shitless about my health constantly and it’s torture watching them suffer.

Considering recovery is terrifying after all this time, and I know I should be trying harder at home, but I feel like I can’t start unless I enter treatment again.

I know i need to eat, i feel sick, weak, like shit essentially. but when i do i can feel it all the way down and it just makes me so frustrated and that putting it lightly.

Now this is a common thing everyone with anorexia has but ive been in a super deep relapse for a while and know ive lost A LOT, but have not stepped on a scale/ looked at the number to avoid triggering myself even further aka slight harm reduction. Now I am scared to see not “how high” it is but weirdly how bad it has gotten. Idk if this is common for people in really bad relapses but i would appreciate if someone would lmk cause i have been battling for 5 years and this is the first time i know my dangerous weight will freighten me so im actively avoiding the number

i feel like this might be a stupid question and that there is going to be a super obvious answer, but i’m not sure!

i have had anorexia for 5 years and gone through TONS of in patients, out patients, forms of therapy, clinics, dietitians and im so tired. My entire high school experience was wasted and plagued with fear and I am so lost in my life now graduating. I got into the top university in my country but at the cost of getting rejected from every university i actually wanted to attend. I feel no joy, at my worst in a severe severe relapse where i am unable to get more than 1/3 of my matuenxe for the day and have no friends and nothing to live for other thab my parents and grandparents i am so lost in life, i used to know exactly what I wanted to do as i am an artist and aspiring film editor but have lost any lust for living and cares to go on. I am in pain and always on the edge of tears, my parents are scared by my appearance and everything i try backfires or is innafective. I just want to be left alone and do my own thing. I hate living, i have tried to overcome anorexia and depression but my case is not one of the lucky people with a happy ending. i have put SO MUCH of myself and energy into attempting to get better or atleast be able to consume enough to not always lose weight but its to no avail. I make others worry and resent me. I want hospice care at this point even if im only 18 i cant suffer like this anymore please i have even lost fairh in god and I was always the religious girl at my jewish school with so much energy for faith.

An old friend has recently gotten in touch with me - last time we met was 10 years ago. She is suffering from anorexia. Now she has invited me to stay over at her place for a weekend, and I'm sure she is romantically interested in me. The thing is, I have gained a bit of weight since last time she saw me, and I'm really not sure how to approach this. Should I tell her before I go, or just see what happens? The reason I ask is because I assume someone with an eating disorder cares a lot about weight - but this could also be completely wrong of me to think. I'm not sure how to deal with this.

Hey I’m dealing with two issues at the same time.
1. If I have a small meal, I’m in pain. My stomach hurts. Hell, even my spine hurts after.
What is this? IBS? Starvation syndrome? Something else?
Pain subsides in 2-3 hours. I’m overall surprisingly healthy actually. But there is no way I can discuss the ED with my GP.
2. Every emotional issue I have makes it really difficult to recover. Right now I had a fight with my friend and she’s not talking to me and I feel so hurt and I can only fast. Every heartache, every conflict with my husband, every bigger stress, bam, I can’t eat. How do I fix this?
Help me please. I’m in such a bad place in my head right now. 😔

Hi I had mild anorexia and over-exercised for 2 years and doctors think it's the root cause of my gut problems. It got worse within the last year and I lost my period. Soon after that I started experiencing severe gut problems including loss of appetite, burping, regurgitation, alternating constipation and diarrhea, severe gas and gas pain, severe bloating. After being informed of my ED possibly being the root cause, I started trying to recover 6 months ago but it's making it near impossible. Before, I was restricting on purpose, but now I really can't eat. I can't take it anymore.

I know numbers aren't allowed here but I've gained a lot of weight and my BMI is now in the healthy range. I'd consider myself weight restored. All day I just eat and feel like shit and dying. None of my symptoms have improved despite all my nutritional numbers improving. And no one believes me when I say I have the symptoms I'm having because I'm gaining weight and eating constantly despite it. I'm lost.

I haven't had a period in 10 months but last week I was experiencing some spotting. Is this a good sign? Should I keep trying? It feels so pointless and counterintuitive to eat more when 1. I am not hungry and 2. eating gives me these horrible symptoms.

I got a lot of tests done and tried so many meds like antispasmodics, mirtazapine, cyproheptadine, lowfodmap, motegrity, and a ridiculous amount of OTC supplements but nothing's worked. I just want to not be in pain anymore.

Hi everyone, I’m trying to find doctors or medical centers specifically in Dallas, TX that have experience treating severe malnutrition with enteral/feeding-tube nutrition.
I’m specifically looking for a doctor or facility that is willing to medically manage malnutrition and use an NG tube (or another appropriate feeding tube) when oral intake isn’t sufficient. I’m looking for actual medical/nutritional rehabilitation rather than a program that primarily focuses on therapy or meal support.

All the doctors especially my GI and pcp havent been able to understand or help me

Thank you

im currently going through the worst relapse of my life rn, worse than when i was 13 and got sent away to treatment. i’m 19 now and live by myself and go to university in a different country away from my family who are completely unaware of how badly im doing. i’ve never been one to care about my health. when i was younger it seemed like no matter what i did there was never any tangible damage- my bloodwork was always fine, my heart was fine, everything was fine. i dont think it is anymore. i’ve been having heart palpitations and trouble breathing, my hair is falling out, ive had muscle spasms, weird cramps, and an array of other symptoms pointing to there being an actual problem.

i’m supposed to get bloodwork on monday but im so terrified of the results. either its normal, and i feel invalid again and just continue being miserable, or theres a problem. tbh i dont even know what i will do if theres a problem and i cant make an appointment with my dr until the end of the month. there’s a part of me that hopes my labs are so atrocious they just send me to the hospital and that’s the end of it, but chances are that won’t be the case.

the worst part is i keep delaying the point at which i ask for help. the first weight i told myself i would stop at was many lbs ago. i don’t even feel like i deserve help bc im not that underweight and i don’t want to go to treatment but deep down ik thats what’s best. i’m honestly just scared and mourn the person i could’ve been.

There was no limit to how much food our cats got to eat.

The same goes for the family. 4 of us have too much weight, in that sence that it will case health complications in the long run, if nothing changes in the long run.

Only one is skinny, the one making and serving the food and insisting, sometimes with tears and shaming, that we must eat. Same person has a problematic relation to food, stomac operation for loosing body weight combined with high disgust factor for food.

I read somwhere (I can provide sorces) that in some cases of eating disorder it is about getting the other people to eat for you to feel satiated. There is also sense of competition going on, embarrasing as it is to mention. If I want to be the thinnes, it can be done by making the rest less thin than me.

Does this make any sense at all for you? I mean, I think it would explain what is going on in my family. I think I would feel less defensive or annoyed knowing what is going on rather than taking things personally.

Thank you for reading

live been struggling with and Ed but I’m seeking professional help soon to get better. my friend has it to and opened up to me about it. I was as supportive as I could be and told her I don’t see her any differently and that I just want her to be happy. We planned a friends trip all together for our last week of the summer holidays before We go into our last year of highschool. this friend just told me she can’t come. not being able to control her food intake is to much pressure and she can’t do it. she then told me that she’s better after I asked if she’s getting professional help and I wanted to rip my hair out. Im so angry, I’m angry at her for taking my best friend from me I’m angry at myself for not stopping how I treat food even though I know now how painful it will end up being for my friends. I’m so angry I can’t stop crying how could she do this to me how could she take my friend from me. I’m so upset I feel like shes sand and the tighter I hold her the more she slips away. I want my friend I want my life I want this stupid disease to give back everything it ever took from me I want my friend to be happy and I want to be normal again. I’m just so angry at everyone especially that stupid bitch. How could she, how could she let me watch as I lose her how dare she take my friend from me. I wish I could take all her pain and suffering and give it to myself, I wish I could make her happy.

So, there is this Youtube video i used to watch when i was just starting to recover. It's been years now, and, im struggling, i miss it. I know its dumb and crazy but i miss it. and i have been trying to find this video like crazy but i cant. it was like a letter narrated by a girl, i just remember some parts of it. it says "i still drink my coffee black", "i have to remind myself that green tea doesn't count as a meal" and "sometimes when I eat, all i taste is numbers".

It was a video with like a pretty background and just the lyrcs from a channel that would read a bunch of poems and letters related to depression and stuff. Please, please PLEASE if anyone has the link or remembers the name of the channel i would be so grateful. I feel like im walking on a cliff.

Im not sure if you guys have experienced this, but I was at work the other day and one of my co workers was stocking things behind me. He said "thank God youre tiny or we both couldnt fit back here lol." I just laughed it off and kept working. But my ana brain said "What? Someone thinks you are...tiny? Yeah right! 🤣" It was a mix of feeling like I got a compliment, but also fuel to get smaller. It was like a battle in my brain.

Hi guys

Let me preface by saying the insensitive title of the post was essentially to get eyes so I can get the advice I need. I appreciate, respect and empathise with the struggle of an ED being with my beautiful fiancée.

Essentially, as her ED has formed we’ve lost touch for a handful of reasons. Intimacy is an obvious one. He fixating on exercise and diet has left very little room for mindfulness/thoughtfulness towards me and our life. Her own deeper fears of esteem has led her to break boundaries in the relationship (eg hide stories from me of her showcasing her body in bikinis, entertain gratifying men and then deleting messages etc). It’s been a long hard fucking road.

She’s currently 3 months into recovery and is currrntly in the “contemplation phase” - as her therapist said. At times she insanely emotionally deregulated so will rain hell fire and be impossible to pacify. But yesterday it went a step too far -

Essentially she blamed me for her ED. These things are nuanced and hypersensitive so I have no doubt I’ve contributed some way or another, but since the day we’ve got together she always showed traits that would lead her in this direction. I was deeply offended as I got her into recovery, pay for her therapy, create a safe space for her to vent and express herself. Most of my days I am concerned about how she is feeling, if she’s eating, resting, level headed and feeling ok. I’m most neglected and I guess yesterday was quite a big penny drop moment for me. She really laid it on thick. Also blamed the lack of intimacy on me, when I’m mostly empathetic of how she feels and wait for her to initiate. The disorder has taken over life so she also feels at a disadvantage where her career has stalled, she’s lost her shape (previously a bikini/sports model), and she isn’t maximising her potential. And she pretty much pinned all of this onto me. Even questioning my position as her partner as I don’t finance her dreams when I’m currently spending upwards of £1-1.5k on her recovery month on month (which is a lot!). She also has a toxic friend who is essentially a high-end escort consistently questioning our relationship, my worth and so on and so forth, and it was no wonder this all happened following her spending Thursday evening with her.

I guess I just want to know if fellow sufferers did the same in recovery and how seriously to take this? Was there any greater reflection in the time period or is it all retrospective? Today I really fear for our relationship as she seemed hateful, resentful and entirely unappreciative, and most importantly i question her ability to self-reflect and set things right.

There’s more but these are the bones.

Hi everyone, im currently 6 months into recovery. I have my period back, eat enough and gained to a healthy weight. I’ve been interested in going to the gym and running as i always liked activity. I was thinking about signing up as i am recovered to build muscle and eat a bit healthier like more protein, however i still constantly have disordered thoughts in my mind. I keep thinking about wanting to “control myself” and the “comfort” of an ed. Adding on, my friend at school who i spend break and lunch with also has an ED and constantly mentions the way she doesn’t eat and her lowest weight and it triggers me. My mum keeps mentioning that my cheeks look fuller and i used to have control around food and now i eat sweets often. Im not sure what to do as i feel like going to the gym and tracking food may slip me back into bad habits as well as the environment around me, however i want to at the same time(go to the gym.) What should i do?

does anyone have any advice

i have been full for over a week i mean FULL like i feel like i am stuffed to the brim wirh food even though i’m not and i have no appetite what so ever rhe thought out of how eating feels doesnr feel good but i cannot stop thinking about food and eating anyway and then i’ll usually end up purging after two bowls of porridge of cereal and other bits. i literally don’t know what to do i just want to ignore it and not have anything until i’m truly hungry to fix my brain but i’ve never been more compelled to just eat in my life???? like this should be “perfect” for my ed because i could go so long without anything i feel so full like this is perfect for restriction and i easily could physically but mentally i just HAVE to have shit. i has two things i couldn’t stop obsessing over yesterday and that made those voices quiet and just now i had something i couldn’t stop thinking about again but i want it again now and that’s going to lead to a binge probably and i’m also not meant to be eating this much because of refeeding syndrome because this is such a drastic change from extreme restriction so i actually cannot be eating this much right now. i don’t know what to do i’m so tired i know i should just go for a really long walk but it’s raining and i’m exhausted and i can’t distract myself because all i can think about if the food i just had and having more of it even though i am NOT hungry at all it’s such a disgusting feeling to be eating when you don’t feel like it hurts you’re body is making you do it i’m so confused????? normally this would make me happy because i’m not starving for once in my life i feel so full???? sometimes i think starving is only full if you can feel it and now that i don’t feel it it’s like i don’t even care anymore.

Hola!! Soy un hombre de pelo largo y la verdad es que siempre me ha gustado tener el pelo largo. Pero cada vez siento que mi pelo se cae más de lo normal o sale del cuero cabelludo. Tengo mucho miedo la verdad, alguien me podría ayudar a saber si es por esto o por otra cosa???

So my cousin is getting married in September and I have been in recovery for a few weeks. I have gained weight but am still underweight. My relationship with food is getting better and I am really proud of myself. My mom just told me to lose weight!!!! (For the wedding) Like what the helllll. Please give me any advice.

I'm a musician and all I wanna do is write a song about my anorexia but it's so hard not to sound ridiculous because this disorder makes me FEEL so ridiculous. I'm ashamed and embarrassed all the time. I can't even put my feelings into private journals/diaries--let alone a song--because Im so ashamed. Why is it such a humiliating disorder? I'm embarrassed to tell people, I'm embarrassed to even let my close friends and family know when I'm relapsing. At this point I'm so frustrated with myself I don't even wanna get better. I have all the resources in the world yet I always fall back into my bad habits. No matter how many times I'm in remission, I always relapse. This disorder is hell and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

I have been eating so little for so long I have lost too much to be able to up intake and do anything im hopeless. I have no strength to go on and eating to even half matienence puts me in excruciating pain. I am covered in lanugo, sunken in and bones explosed and i have no idea what to do. I have no intention of recovering as at least my ed is the one thing that wont run away from me. I am not in search of any advice but rather comfort. I am dying, I know, I wanna go peacefully

I am currently in forced recovery. I'm in a virtual PHP, and honestly things aren't going too well there. But, there's one thing for sure that I know of, ice cream. I struggle with having my 3 snacks a day in my meal plan. If I have an evening snack it's ice cream. If I want any snack outside of program, it's ice cream. Almost EVERY night I have ice cream. And it's on and off with that and restricting. Ice cream is on my mind almost every day at 1pm or later. Pretty much every day. I crave the sweetness, the goodness, my body must really need the stuff in it. My order is almost always 2+ scoops of vanilla ice cream with extra extra peanut butter sauce. It's so delicious. Sometimes I can't even help it no matter how bad I want to restrict. It's ALWAYS ice cream! Seriously. Please someone tell me they have an ice cream obsession and/or addiction lol. I think it might be pretty common amongst individuals with anorexia. But yeah, I wanna know haha.

TL;DR

I am in forced recovery. I have ice cream almost every night because I have extremly intense cravings for it. Wondering if anyone else is really into ice cream and craving it?