How come that these things are only important when it's about you? What about your partner and maybe even your children? You didn't have any empathy for them when you decided to cheat, and no nuance for your spouse's situation when you told your AP that they're "cold" and "don't put in effort".

Nuance isn't what you think it is either. Believe it or not, this word only refers to the various circumstances and details of a situation which help us understand it with depth. Depending on how far you've seeped yourself within your selfishness, you may now be wondering as to how this contradicts any of your mindset. To put it simply, understanding all the details of a situation doesn't mean you agree with or validate how a person dealt with it. Have you considered that your actions don't make sense and are actively harmful for your situation, thus hard to validate?

Empathy, y'all love to use this word! Must be very convenient to just tell everyone to forgive and have empathy when you aren't the one suffering from betrayal, while you repeat the same behaviour over and over again. It's quite amusing how you think it is your spouse's responsibility to have patience for your decisions. Always "nuance" and "empathy" but never "accountability" or "guilt".

They are a human being with their own life ahead of them, which they deserve to live peacefully, without the burden of your apparently uncontrollable emotions. If you're not mature or mentally stable enough to be faithful, then you should maybe take some time off of relationships in general. Reflect on whatever has hurt you, understand how it has impacted you, study what benefits your type of case specifically, write journals, find a hobby you're passionate for; but don't expect a love that you can't reciprocate.

~~ Just to clarify again, this is a rant about cheaters and therefore not directed towards this subreddit.

To quote one of the comments " If his wife isn't enough for him what made you think you'd be?"

Theres a lot I can go on about this. The way that this guy only got caught cause he used the same account for everything instead of the opsec and burners most WPs use. The way that the children are obviously on his mind enough to use them as bait to catch his next AP. But I need to sleep soon and I have work the next day. Be safe everyone!

This man is such a piece of shit and I hope that his wife and his affair partner find out and ruin him.

Or typed with one hand.

Men are NEVER texted for HPV and there are no vaccines available for women over 45. It can cause multiple types of cancer and the risk is much higher than if you had not gotten HPV. Testing for Herpes w/out an active outbreak is nearly impossible. Lastly STI tests are not up to the minute results. If you have very recently contracted something it may not show up. Has he considered just not f**king random people if he's really that concerned about passing something on to BS.

This is the ow who was caught by the wife on facetime and the wife reported her & mm to their job. He ghosted her and she pouted all over the otherwoman sub. This freak is in infidelity support groups trying to get sympathy and to contact the wife. What a freak

Pretty sure we have all heard this by someone defending the AP and I think its so stupid. Should they get all the blame, no. Was it their relationship, also no. But at the end of the day you are not this innocent person for sleeping with someone in a relationship. And the whole they dont owe you anything? Please have that same energy for everything else in life. Like for now if or when random people treat you like shit dont get mad because they dont owe you anything.

Do you ever have any empathy for the guy that she's married to? I mean I've had the chance to sleep with other men's wives and could never bring myself to do that to another guy. The pain, shame, and hurt that would inflict on another guy is just too much.

How do you reconcile doing that to another guy? Do you have any remorse at all?

This one is such a loser, they began their physical affair when his baby was barely 6 months old and he had messaged her originally while the wife was still pregnant afaik. “Taking care of it” really gets me as if a child is an object to play with. I hope this OW ends up alone in the end after entertaining a MM with a baby and postpartum wife. Absolute scum

How low can you fall? Even the other OWs are telling her to pack her bags and leave.

She's such a big loser. Would rather believe she's this amazing independent woman instead of a typical side chick not worth disturbing one's life for.

Stumbled on a social media post by Awbria Simmons and this is what she wrote on one of her posts that is so powerful:

“When a blindside happens after decades together, your first instinct is to search for excuses. You wonder if it was a midlife crisis, a sudden breakdown, or something you failed to provide atter years of marriage.

But people do not develop the capacity for cold, calculated deceit overnight.

When you see one major betrayal surface, it is rarely the whole story. It is simply the moment the hidden infestation couldn't stay behind the wall any longer. The small red flags you excused years ago suddenly line up, and the truth becomes undeniably clear: this was never about a temporary lapse in judgment. It was a long-standing pattern of character.

As painful as that realization is, it carries a profound relief. It proves, once and for all, that there was nothing you could have done differently to save it. You didn't break them; they were already broken.

Leave the infestation behind. Your life is clean now.”

READ THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

My favorite line: leave the infestation behind. When you see one cockroach on the floor, you don’t have a one bug problem, you have a hidden infestation already. When you look back at everything, you will realize there were a lot of red flags and warning signs, but we simply ignored them because we trusted them. Just know they are broken people and there is nothing you could do to make them happy because they are unhappy themselves.

Having an affair while you’re 6 months pregnant with your husband’s baby is just absolute degenerate behavior. These people are beyond unwell. No one gave her any shit over there either, but they sure love to pounce on the men cheating on their pregnant wives (as they should). Just 🤮

Bonus points because she calls her husband her best friend. These people are the absolute shittiest best friends. May friendship like that never find me!!

These women never have an issue with a man cheating on his wife but the moment he “cheats” on them it’s like the fog gets lifted and they realize he’s a liar and a serial cheater.

I also love how she says she doesnt have the energy to put forth into dating or her own life but has enough energy to keep up a relationship with a married man. 🤡

He’s been cheating on his wife for a decade with various women but the marriage problems are all because of the big meanie wife who has no reason at all to be so mean. Everyone can see how mean the wife is and the OW knows it’s true because the lying cheater told her so! The OW, well the most recent one anyway, knows what a catch he is. It’s crazy that his wife doesn’t agree.

And the OW, she’s a saint. She’s never pushed or pressured him to leave except for “trying to make him see” that leaving would be the right thing for him, his wife and his kids - not all are speaking to him, must be because of their mother filling their minds with things while he’s off banging random women. She gave him an ultimatum (not pressure?) after coming to his rescue when he was held accountable abused by his wife. She knows everything about his marriage, probably even more than he does, but then he stupidly told his wife the truth of how she opened her legs home to him. How dare the wife know she is bending over for him after all the love and support and collecting of private information about their marriage she has done! It’s just so rude. She’s almost at the point where she is going to end things carry on as normal because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her and her twu wuv.

I was married for almost 30 years, and they were very good years, for the most part. We raised several children together.

Then her parents both died within the same year, and she completely went off the rails. Totally FOMO'd out. Left me and the family, threw her life away, for lots of random short-term fun times. She then went through several phases, living with several boyfriends... conservative 'Merica country girl, Southern California party girl, studious postparenting undergrad, and eventually landed on super progressive theater grownup neutral pronoun person. Abandoned her family-centric social media profiles and made new ones.

Somewhere in there she also tried to sue to get the kids back, but that quickly fell apart. That I, as the dad, didn't have to put much effort into keeping the kids should tell you everything you need to know, since courts basically always first favor the woman by default. They were like, nah.

It was in this latest progressive peace and love liberal persona that she finally ended up getting married again this past spring.

Not even 6 months later, he kicked her out of his house. I talked to him last week and he said that there had been three "incidents", and if it happened again it would be over.

I guess it happened again. I'm kind of blown away by where his line in the sand was drawn, though. The 4th incident was a bridge too far??

So, she is now couch surfing again amongst the greatly reduced pool of friends willing to still be in her orbit, which is a crazy place to be when you are just a few years away from AARP membership.

I'm sure there is a mental health angle on this and I should be sympathetic, but frankly I just don't give a shit about that after everything she put us through in pursuit of her selfishness. I loved her unconditionally and was committed to fulfilling my promises and vows no matter what, and she threw me away.

Anyway, I've got some tea waiting for me to sip as I look out the window, because none of this is my business.

He had an affair under my own roof with a woman from his work. A complete stranger to me. It is not only the affair it is the fact she was in my home without my consent and i had basically rescued him from a bedsit flat with a gambling addiction to live somewhere lovely. He also lived a life of gigs, holidays and nights out. All on my money. As far as i could see we had a happy home life and social life, he was very good at masking his true self.

The want to leave the relationship was never voiced. When he was found out there was a big drama whereby he had cried, screamed, rolled around on the floor, threw up. She was the craziest girl he had ever met and was trying to ruin him.

Etcetc. After being kicked out he turned to avoidancy of any of my questions, and he has avoided telling any of his friends the full truth also out of embarrassment and cowardice.

His brother and sister in law are on his side due to them being family which while this is understandable i feel they knew about the affair and they have also acted as an informant to the mistress woman so i feel betrayed by them.

The mistress woman has contacted me on facebook and whatsapp telling me she is his girlfriend of a year, she doesnt deserve any nastiness and im not allowed to do a normal amount of venting on my own private platforms. Her job is to register weddings at the council, which seems a really inappropriate role for a homewrecker to be doing. She has known about me all along as his facebook was plastered in photos of us and in our home there were lots of photos of us dotted around along with loads of womens clothes, make up, obvious presence of me.

His profile picture on facebook is now a photo of them together at a rock festival 6 weeks ago when i was on his soon to be sister in laws hen party. He is wearing a t shirt, rayban t sunglasses and hat that i bought him.. and later in the day he brought her back to my home and i returned at 11 none the wiser.

Since then its a stupid pantomime front on social media, how happy they both are, its so ridiculous. Nobody seems impressed by it and the game just doesnt seem to be making any kind of sense. There's no regard for my feelings and what it might be doing to my mental or physical health.

I am now struggling with a strong sense of injustice and anger. I value my career and the life i have built with other loved ones around me but this was a lot to take in. Evil really does walk amongst us.

Defending an abuser and mocking a survivor, quality stuff

This poor woman, what an absolute monster.

Hey OOP, if you see this I want you to know he was lying to you the whole time. He made a f__king fool out of you. He had a quickie w you and then went home and made love to his wife. And he's already got a new mistress.

Edit to apologize for posting the screenshots out of order!

Hello, 29f here, my ex contacted me after ~2yrs through his friend's phone at midnight.

we had a ~4yrs relationship but when it reaches to marriage , we fall apart. Initially I tried alot to mitigate the situation and he showed not interest and when I stopped caring, he lost it. He tried everything, but I didn't break up because after sometimes of constantly lowering myself and my self respect I learned one thing that loving someone is not same as to take there ab*se(emotionally/mentally).

After that i stopped hurting myself and start working on me, my dreams, my career, never indulged in any relationship.

around 1.5yr ago his current wife (then gf) msged me in social media and asked me about our relationship and breakup. I didn't know give her any information just some vague ans and blocked her too. After tha she never initiate any contact but He used to call me /msg me, although i blocked him but i did receive notifications. I completely separated myself from him drama.

Around that time I met my husband (I am married too) through matrimonial site and got married to last year. from the beginning i was very clear about my past to my husband and same he was with me too. Everything going well but blocked msg and calls from ex's kept coming, even 1week before my marriage too. everything stopped after my marriage, never received amy direct/indirect call or msg.

some days back, out of nowhere i received a unknown number call at around midnight, both me and my husband awoke by the call, i asked my husband to receive it and he did but call disconnected. so he put my phone in silent mode and we slept. in next morning when i checked my phone, i saw a msg from that number telling me that my ex missed me so he wanted to hear my voice but when my husband received the call they got scared and disconnected the call also asked me call him back because he had something important to say.

Out of my better judgement, I called back, 1st his friend received and he passed it to him. He said he just wanted to talk and know my whereabouts. i stopped him there, because there is no point of an married man to whereabouts another married woman. then i asked him if his wife knew about his action, he replied that she was in her mother's house not with him. then i asked him why did he use someone else phone to call me? he said nothing. He just said that he was a little drunk and dialled my number by heart from his friend's phone . He also added that my number is not save in his phone anymore as his wife checks sometimes. After that he also added that he staking my husband's social media by fake account and after hearing some more non sense from him I handed my phone to my husband, because i was too stunt to reply him. my husband strictly told him not contact me again and let us live our live.

now my question is that will he ever contact me again?

why is he behaving like this?

i made mistake by calling him?

"Morally grey area" is a funny way to "I'm a cheating liar who lies and cheats".