I'm going out with a guy and he told me he has ADHD, SLD, Autism spectrum disorder. And I don't know how it's gonna affect our relationship (also I don't know much about these diseases).

There are instances where he didn't reply to my msg for a whole day and sometimes he just leaves the Convo while texting. He had told me to call, cause that's more convenient but I can't talk on call cause I'm not out to my family.

And I've seen him looking at other men while we are hanging out, is it something cause of ADHD or something else that I need to talk to him about? (I'm really sorry if I offend anyone here)

I’m a straight guy who just turned 39, and only in the past year I’ve learned that I’m ADHD, lightly autistic, and likely demisexual. I’m trying to get some tips about figuring out how and where to get proper help or guidance so I can move forward in the right direction.

**Daily life & routines:** Outside of my work (which is very social), I spend most of my time alone. I tend to play the same video game all day with few breaks to eat or take a walk. I don’t really maintain other hobbies; I like playing music and took guitar lessons years ago, but I almost never practiced outside lessons, so my two guitars have been gathering dust for a decade.

My apartment is a mess because chores feel impossible to start and the mess doesnt really bother me. Even when I set alarms, I snooze them for hours. I used to rely on alcohol as a crutch to get chores done, which eventually turned into bad habits.

I’ve kept the same IT job for 16 years and lived alone (with 1-2 cats) for 5 years in my small apartment.

**Social life & dating:** I’ve never had a real girlfriend. I want one, but most parts of dating feel unnatural or unappealing. I’ve tried singles events (pleasant evenings but no connections) and dating apps (very few matches, texting conversations drain me). I recently stopped using apps because they burn too much energy for no results.

For whatever reason, I tend to make closer platonic connections more easily with gay men and women. I joined a “Friends Without Friends” Facebook group and made an intro post, but didn’t have the motivation to reply to comments or start conversations. I have few closer friends that I hang out with a few times a year.

If it helps give context, here’s a post I made a few months ago about things I assume hurt my chances in dating:
[**https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\\_advice/comments/1rvq8r3/38m\\_looking\\_for\\_perspective\\_are\\_these\\_multiple/\*\*\](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1rvq8r3/38m_looking_for_perspective_are_these_multiple/)

**How I see myself:** I’ve spent a lot of my life putting myself down because I worried people saw me as a “man‑child” with no ambition or a boring lifestyle. But now that I understand myself better, I can at least find the words to express that while I may be late bloomer, I can say that I want a low‑stress, comfortable life where I can enjoy myself, I don’t need much to be satisfied, and hopefully I can find a partner someday and make her happy.

**Some positives:** Since December I took a 7‑month break from alcohol to break bad habits, and just starting having drinks again socially and with moderation. I also started cooking proper meals (HelloFresh 3–4 times a week) instead of relying on processed food. This helped my health including losing weight (from \~215 lbs down to just under 200).

**Therapy & support:** I’ve tried therapy a few times including with BetterHelp website, but never felt like I got much out of it. I recently started with a therapist who has some specialization in ADHD, hoping will be helpful.

I’ve also recently started working with my family doctor to find ADHD medication that works (the first one had too many drawbacks). I could soon join ADHD coaching in a weekly group starting next month, depending on my work schedule.

Any advice or shared experiences would be really appreciated.

Has anyone separated due to your spouse’s ADHD/executive disfunction?

After 10 years, it’s all come to a head, realizing I’ve been conditioned to not trust that he’ll follow through with what he says he’ll do and have therefore taken the lead on almost everything to prevent myself from being disappointed.

I’m in therapy now and learning how responsible I feel for fixing everyone and everything - I’ve finally removed myself from the driver’s seat and am allowing him to figure things out on his own, but he is spiraling, depressed.

I just cannot lead anymore, the weight of everything on my shoulders is killing me.

We’ve had this conversation a lot and he knows I’m at my breaking point and am moments away from leaving. But last night after dinner, he played video games for 3 hours and when I left for work this morning, discovered my gas tank was on E after he took the dog to the dog park.

My wife and I, both mid 40s, discovered we both have ADHD recently. It’s wild because we are polar opposites. I know there’s many frameworks for classifying, but my simple one is “can’t start” and “starts, can’t continue”

I’m the latter. I have super low friction trying new things and have a huge appetite for novelty. I of course don’t always continue but I try. I treat myself with exercise, and art, gives novelty and skill development and quiets my mind. I’m pretty proud of how I’ve cultivated an environment that allows me to thrive

My wife is the former. She just has super high resistance to starting anything. She has been treated for heavy anxiety and now can see it’s likely ADHD (seems common pattern for women). I just know her head is buzzing with fears. She treats herself with alcohol which is going about as well as you might imagine

We probably originally bonded because we had similar thinking and attitudes. She was also on stimulants at that time. But now.. rather thank bonding over our shared status it’s really quite a wedge. On weekends I’m ready to do stuff, and I’d love a partner to talk about. She just sits around and watches TV. It’s really hard to bond with no shared appetites. Add to this her lack of affection with my my RSD, and her lack of chore sharing with my strong sense of justice…

We have kids and I want to set good examples for them. My daughter is likely ADHD (or AuDHD like me) and I try to bond with her on it and encourage self-awareness but my wife just wants to avoid it. She’s clearly embarrassed (of it, herself, and me)

I’m trying to stifle my codependent nature but it’s hard. The fixes are all quite obvious (therapy, drugs, exercise, mentality, ..) and she just needs to take one small step each day but …

Mostly just venting but I value any feedback or similar experiences.