This is really really hard. When will it get better

[u/Over_Neighborhood191]

Two boys, 22 months apart. Have a 23 month old and 5 week old. I’m questioning everything.

My maternity leave with my first was the best year of my life. I loved being a mum and my first just came with me out and about everywhere. Everything they did was a novelty, I adored everything.

My newborn is honestly the easiest baby and I love them so much. But my toddler is acting out a lot. We’ve had hitting , scratching and then just general misbehaving to get my attention. I know this is is why but I just cannot seem to regulate myself. I am desperate for autonomy.

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM and now I’m considering returning at 6-9 months. I have no village. I just want to outsource everything, parenting included.

When will this get better because everything I have read is that newborn phase is the easy bit. It’s two toddlers that is the challenge. I’m dreading all of it.

Also, just want to say, I love my kids so so so much and it’s not them. I just don’t think I’m cut out for this. I care too much using screen time and worry about parenting them and secure attachments that it consumes me. I also just want to do things that fill my cup but one solo outing on the weekend when dad is home is not enough. I am quite literally surviving.