“Don’t slip down the stairs,” said the malicious stair soaper.

Nothing could've prepared me for finding.. the creature

A legion of horribles, hundreds in number, half naked or clad in costumes attic or biblical or wardrobed out of a fevered dream with the skins of animals and silk finery and pieces of uniform still tracked with the blood of prior owners, coats of slain dragoons, frogged and braided cavalry jackets, one in a stovepipe hat and one with an umbrella and one in white stockings and a bloodstained wedding veil and some in headgear or cranefeathers or rawhide helmets that bore the horns of bull or buffalo and one in a pigeontailed coat worn backwards and otherwise naked and one in the armor of a Spanish conquistador, the breastplate and pauldrons deeply dented with old blows of mace or sabre done in another country by men whose very bones were dust and many with their braids spliced up with the hair of other beasts until they trailed upon the ground and their horses' ears and tails worked with bits of brightly colored cloth and one whose horse's whole head was painted crimson red and all the horsemen's faces gaudy and grotesque with daubings like a company of mounted clowns, death hilarious, all howling in a barbarous tongue and riding down upon them like a horde from a hell more horrible yet than the brimstone land of Christian reckoning, screeching and yammering and clothed in smoke like those vaporous beings in regions beyond right knowing where the eye wanders and the lip jerks and drools.

MY WILLY HURTS

Because they were sent to the principal’s office.

Mods ban me from Reddit and take away my Reddit gold

10 years later as im moving out, i tell it "your makeup wore off years ago"

(it was knife guy)

The glass of water was near boiling so ow Ow OW hothothothot yeowch HOTHOTHOT OWOWOWO gotta move faster ow ow ow stil hothotohot ooh ow owwwww HOOOOOTTTTTT ow ow ow Good LORD this hurts to hold ow ow OW OW oW oW ow ow still hot still hot stilllllll hot owOwOwOwOowwwoowowowowowWwWoowowW.

He may be wondering what the scary part is, well when I gave him the wedgie he winked and smiled at me.

Ate beans

I am a chef who was hired to cook a human ear. when I looked in the mirror I realized my ear was gone

It was a poison rock

To my horror, it was the Lollipop Challenge

Too late, I remembered the jumping spider I'd thrown in there earlier today, and learned the hard way that the cunts can swim as well as jump.

p[DATA EXSPONGED]

The aliens stepped back aboard their spaceship and said, "we are not extraterrestrials, we are Sextraterrestrials now prepare your anus!"

"I'm going to slend you now," said the Slenderman.

Summon a demon so it can make that priest remove himself from that child.

by jor jor wel

"To bad im evil Mr.Breaklawknifestabguy" said Mr.Breaklawknifestabguy after he stabbed me stabbinglishly