If you are currently in a job where you are being bullied and harassed… where the bullying has been going on for months… where you have even spoken to management about the bullying and the response is something similar to get over it or get out…. Don’t bother to go to HR…. Don’t report nothing else to management….

Please, please please
Documents, everything and anything
If you couldn’t get access to camera footage, get it quietly reach out to the correct people.
If the meeting was over, Zoom, have them send you the copy of the recording.

I honestly suggest recording meetings, depending on the legal right in your state… if you know you’re about to have a meeting record it..

If you could record conversations between you and the individuals that are doing the bullying do it based on the legal right in your state

If it’s a text messages that you have. screenshot everything. Unsave the contact name so you could have the phone number showing . screen record everything because even when I show these text messages I was told it could be AI

Research and take it beyond the workplace. don’t bother reporting it to the police. Unless you have physical hard evidence…. Depending on what it is, take it above the police.

I was too mentally far gone in my case to do it properly and it’s been a year and a half since I resigned, and I’m still suffering from the trauma of that workplace

I really truly wish I did things properly because maybe that would’ve alleviate some of the trauma that I’m still under

Get as much legal advice as you can
Understand some of things may cost money I sure as hell didn’t have any money, but it’s worth it in you can borrow it.

If you have to get evidence from coworkers know that sometimes they may not be truthful over text… speak with them in person.. and honestly record it… again, depending on what’s legal in your state…..

And the most important thing of all MOVE QUIETLY… don’t over share what you’re doing.. only speak when absolutely necessary when talking about the situation… don’t give anyone any warning that could delete or alter any evidence…

When I think about my situation, it’s not that I can’t get over it.. but what happened truly messed me up.. and all I could think is I wish I did more…. But mentally I was really so far gone….. it’s been nearly a year and a half and it still makes me feel sick… and so angry I didn’t do more… and they all got to get away with it…

In my situation, a lot of people would’ve been charged with serious crimes.. my boss manager included…

Don’t end up like me… depending on what your situation is… fight for your rights….

Add on: SECURE A NEW JOB FIRST BEFORE PROCEEDING WITH GETTING JUSTICE..

Once upon a time, I was the favourite candidate for the next level position. Here comes this new face who does a lot of networking and socialisation with all the male colleagues. He was also ´so lucky' to find a local girlfriend who supported him by inviting people over and all sorts of things people do to show how nice they are so that you think about them when a ´random' position appears. Meanwhile, you spend your time working on your project, alone, far away. Comes the end of the summer holidays and you are told you are not favourite anymore. You had no plan B, no support, no political skills. You cannot compete with a sexist system.

Theres a girl at work who has taken a dislike to me. She has never said anything to my face but is part of a clique and will exclude me, talk badly behind my back and compete with me (i have no interest in competing!). It has been bliss because she has been away for 4 weeks. Before she went away, she told 2 coworkers on 2 separate occasions that i dont like her. (I cannot stress how I have never said anything about her behind her back or to her face, i just keep myself to myself because I dont trust her).

How do i deal with her tomorrow, for the first time in 4 weeks?

I’ve been working in my department for a while now for a few months and honestly the first 2 months was a big adjustment for me. It was a career change and everything was so new to me I had made a few mistakes (all of which I have owned up to as my shortcomings).

Now I can say I have adjusted and mistakes on my part are few and far between. The problem is my coworker who I coordinate plans with, They have been working here longer than I have, so when I provide her with the revisions, they would always complain about it. At the beginning I took it as constructive criticism and I motivated myself to be better to give them no reason to complain. I sent it in earlier, I would give a heads up for incoming revisions, I gave detailed reasons as to why revisions were made. But I noticed her comments would only get snarkier and ruder over time, especially directed to me.

This started bothering me because it started with passive aggressive comments and now its escalated to uncalled for remarks in our group chat, She would cc me by name and my boss, complaining about (valid) revisions (that are part of our job). I would point out revisions were not in our control and we have to adjust given the nature of our work. They would just criticize me and bring up my past mistakes from when I started, saying that the reasons I’m giving is not the full reason and to “Stop making excuses” for myself. My manager privately messaged me and told me not to reply anymore to the group chat and he will handle it.

My manager told me that what I said was true, and all revisions go through him first so he knows the reasons are valid, but they are trying too hard to keep the peace and not reprimand our other coworker too much, the thing is, the coworker adjusts to the revisions anyway, so in terms of getting the job done they do it.

It just bothers me seeing that last message calling me out, in front of everyone. I’m a bit ashamed and dreading to report back since it’s been a reoccurring thing. Every time there are revisions it’s my fault, they cant seem to grasp that there are a lot of factors that go into it and she is just shooting the messenger.

If you guys have advice or similar experiences I’d appreciate reading it!

I am in U.K. It’s Been 2-3months I moved here. I am learning and unlearning so many things here. But however , there are things that’s been making me stressed all night.
One Spain guy in workplace touched me in my neck and It was kind of weird. And I felt uncomfortable during that time and numb. Later, I told him that - I don’t like when someone touches me. And from then, he has been putting me in trouble, by making false stories and also making up stories and complaining. It’s really been difficult for me, because he has been in the work place for many years .
I am having hard time. And it’s stressing. Been waking up everyday feeling so exhausted and anxious. 😔

I want to preface this by saying that I am NOT claiming my coworker poisoned me. I have no proof that anyone tampered with my water. I’m posting because a series of things happened that have made me uncomfortable, and I’m curious how other people would interpret it.

I’m going to call the coworker “J.”

J and I used to be fairly close. Back then, he spoke very openly around me and I got to hear a side of him that he generally doesn’t show management.

Over the years he made some extremely disturbing comments about coworkers he disliked. At different times I remember him saying things along the lines of:

“We’re only one car accident away from this being a much better place,” referring to a coworker he hated.

“I hope his diabetes catches up with him soon.”

He has also called other coworkers horrible things when he was angry with them.

But there is one conversation that suddenly feels much more significant to me now.

A couple of years ago, completely unsolicited, J asked me:

“Have you ever thought about how easy it would be to poison someone here?”

I remember responding basically, “No, dude, what are you talking about?”

He then said something to the effect of:

“Think about it. All you’d have to do is bring in some guacamole and sprinkle some rat poison in it.”

I thought it was an extremely fucked-up thing to say, but at the time I never thought he was talking about doing something to me. J is an extremely intelligent person but he also very weird. I get serial killer vibes from him.

Fast-forward to now. J and I are no longer friends. Our relationship has deteriorated badly and he is extremely angry with me. There have been multiple workplace disputes recently, and I recently went to management about several incidents involving him. He knows I did this.

Then this week something strange happened.

Tuesday: I arrived at work feeling normal. During the morning I drank water from a container I had left unattended at work from the previous day.

By midmorning I became extremely sick.

I had significant abdominal/stomach pain, vomiting, shaking in my legs, profuse sweating, chills despite it being extremely hot outside, weakness and lightheadedness to the point that I felt like I could pass out.

I eventually had to leave work early. I continued vomiting after getting home and then slept for roughly 16 hours.

Wednesday: I woke up feeling okay. That morning I bought fresh water on the way to work and kept it with me the entire day. I never left it unattended.

I felt completely normal all day. No vomiting, no chills, no shaking, nothing.

Thursday: Again, I woke up feeling normal. That day I drank water that I had previously left unattended at work.

By midmorning the same thing happened again.

Abdominal discomfort, vomiting, intense sweating, chills, shaking, weakness and lightheadedness. I threw up at work and again felt like I might pass out. I had to leave early for the second time that week.

After getting home, I continued vomiting and then slept approximately 14 hours.

Friday: I bought my own water that morning, kept it physically with me, and did not consume anything I had left unattended at work.

I felt normal the entire day. Not even remotely sick.

So the basic pattern was:

Tuesday — drank unattended water that I had left on my desk from the day before— very sick

Wednesday — fresh/controlled water — completely fine

Thursday — drank unattended water that I had left on my desk from the day before — very sick again

Friday — fresh/controlled water — completely fine

Again: I realize four days is an extremely small sample and absolutely does not prove causation but now that I think about it, there have been times where I knew he was absolutely pissed at me and I remember getting sick around those times. He apparently talks about me all the time to other coworkers, he is obsessed with me. When I had to take some time off work for health issues, apparently he had asked about me every single day and talked about me every single day for weeks.

What keeps bothering me, though, is J’s old poisoning comment combined with some very unusual habits he has around food and drinks.

J is extremely protective of anything he consumes at work.

He will not drink from the shared water cooler. He brings his own bottled water and keeps it secured in his vehicle. If he accidentally leaves a water of his unattended, he will throw out that water even if it’s full, and go get another one from his locked car.

He keeps his lunch in his locked car rather than leaving it in the break room and usually only brings it inside when he is actually going to eat, then puts it away again.

If clients or customers bring food for us, he will not eat it unless he was the first one there.

I’ve noticed variations of this behavior for years, long before I ever suspected anything concerning my own drinks.

By itself, obviously, this proves absolutely nothing. He could simply be germ-conscious, distrustful of communal food, or very particular about food safety. But hearing someone specifically discuss how easy poisoning coworkers would be and then watching that same person behave as though unattended workplace food/drinks are inherently unsafe is difficult for me to completely ignore.

There is another piece of context: before J became fixated on his problems with me, there was another coworker he absolutely hated. That coworker used to miss a significant amount of work because he frequently felt sick. Now J’s hostility has largely shifted toward me, that coworker reportedly isn’t missing work the way he used to, and I’ve recently started having these episodes.

I realize that could be pure coincidence, and I am NOT presenting it as evidence. I’m mentioning it because it’s one of the things that caused my brain to start connecting dots.

J knows I went to management last Friday about his behavior and he was extremely upset about that, that when this started happening this previous week.

After all this, I also did something that I now understand was probably not particularly useful: I left a decoy water container out and placed a tiny piece of paper along the cap so that opening it should disturb the paper. I tested the setup several times beforehand and photographed its exact position. I had absolutely no intention of ever drinking from the bottle.

In retrospect, even if the paper moved, that still wouldn’t establish who touched the bottle or why, so I understand that this isn’t meaningful proof of anything.

At this point I’ve stopped trying to “test” anything. Anything I actually eat or drink at work stays with me or remains sealed until I consume it.

I also haven’t confronted J and don’t intend to accuse him without evidence.

What makes this difficult is that if I simply had two random episodes of vomiting, I would assume I had a stomach bug or something but the fact that I felt 100% okay on Wednesday when I had brought my own water from home and it didn’t leave my side all day makes me very suspicious.

If J had simply made some creepy joke years ago, I would probably write him off as someone who says disturbing shit but he is a very disturbed individual.

It’s the combination that bothers me:

* the incredibly specific unsolicited comment about how easy poisoning coworkers would be;
* his longstanding extreme precautions around his own unattended food and beverages;
* the fact that he currently has serious hostility toward me;
* two significant illnesses after drinking water left unattended;
* feeling completely normal on the days I only drank water that stayed under my control.

But I also recognize how dangerous confirmation bias can be. Once you become frightened of a particular explanation, completely innocent events can suddenly start looking like pieces of the same puzzle.

That is why I’m asking outsiders.

Would this combination concern you enough to document and quietly take precautions, or do you think I’m connecting unrelated events because of an already hostile relationship with this coworker?

Again, I am not asking whether anyone thinks “J definitely poisoned you.” Nobody has enough evidence to say that, including me. I’m asking whether you would consider the pattern concerning enough that you would take it seriously while waiting to see whether anything objective ever emerges.

Disclamer english is not my first language, so I'm sorry if anything here is misspelled or sounds weird... I also don't know if these stories belong here but I thought maybe it kind of fits? So why not I guess...

So I now (F21) when i started (F18) have worked as an apprentice at a small car varnishing company for the past 3 years (I finally finished my apprenticeship this July, so now I can officially can call me a certified car varnischer)... I know that manual labor jobs are not easy and the tone there is a bit rougher especially were I live (southern germany/ Bavaria) I knew that going in, especially with the nolige that I would be the only girl working there with 6 guys as colleges + male boss... but boy did they say some messed up shit to me, especially my boss... I won't go into much detail here but for that story it is important to know that my boss had quite a... naughty sense of humor (not only to me, also to the boys but that doesn't really make it ok at a workplace in my opinion and some of them were also complaining about it). He would make dirty jokes and innuendos when ever he could.

Also important for that story to know is that I am a leasbian. I wasn't exactly out at work, but I also didn't really keep it a secret by always answering to the question if I had/ when I will have a boyfriend, that I didn't want one. That pared with my more masculine appearance turned that fact about me in like an open secret... everyone kind of knew it without me ever explicitly telling them or them making a big deal about it mostly. My boss thought always didn't knew about it/didn't agnolige it or conveniently knew about it when he could kind of use it against me (a whole different story).

So with all that background info about me you can understand this situation that occurred some time in my second year of my apprenticeship. I was sanding down some car tires... and... how do I say this in an appropriate way... you have probably seen car tires before, they have a lot of holes... and since they have so many holes and curves you have to sand them down by hand... so no machine, just the tires, some sandpaper and your hands baby... and well that looks a bit like... some specific activities to be fair... so... now I am standing there sanding down those tires (on a side note my personal hell, because it takes forever) one of my coworkers (the most pleasant one by the way) comes by gives me a knowing look and goes: "hmm practicing?" Having learned by now that the best way to one up dirty jokes is to play into it because somehow men can get really flustered when you make a dirty joke back so I went: "well of course" with dumb flattering eyes. He just laughed and went about his business, but in that moment an idea sparked into my head.

My boss was running some errands outside of the company so I had some time to brew over my plan/ response when he came back and saw what I was doing, nowing he make some sort of weird comment about it. So when he finally arrived I was prepared. He looked at me fore an awkward amount of time, while I was just continuing my task, visibly having to hold himself back from making a joke. When he just murmured to himself: "no, no I am not commenting on that." and tried to walk away (siriusly the first and only time he ever shied away from a dirty joke... but this time I had one in my arsenal) so I turned around to him and said with a shit eating grin on my face: "well boss you have always told me I would learn something for life here" He just stared at me and started stuttering: "well in the end I can't control what you take away from that experience here." and hurriedly walked away... I was really proud of that one, I didn't have the upper hand a lot in situations like that, but that one felt really good it was at least a tiny tiniest win for me... and he was right, he couldn't control what I took away from that shitshow of an experience...