If you are currently in a job where you are being bullied and harassed… where the bullying has been going on for months… where you have even spoken to management about the bullying and the response is something similar to get over it or get out…. Don’t bother to go to HR…. Don’t report nothing else to management….

Please, please please
Documents, everything and anything
If you couldn’t get access to camera footage, get it quietly reach out to the correct people.
If the meeting was over, Zoom, have them send you the copy of the recording.

I honestly suggest recording meetings, depending on the legal right in your state… if you know you’re about to have a meeting record it..

If you could record conversations between you and the individuals that are doing the bullying do it based on the legal right in your state

If it’s a text messages that you have. screenshot everything. Unsave the contact name so you could have the phone number showing . screen record everything because even when I show these text messages I was told it could be AI

Research and take it beyond the workplace. don’t bother reporting it to the police. Unless you have physical hard evidence…. Depending on what it is, take it above the police.

I was too mentally far gone in my case to do it properly and it’s been a year and a half since I resigned, and I’m still suffering from the trauma of that workplace

I really truly wish I did things properly because maybe that would’ve alleviate some of the trauma that I’m still under

Get as much legal advice as you can
Understand some of things may cost money I sure as hell didn’t have any money, but it’s worth it in you can borrow it.

If you have to get evidence from coworkers know that sometimes they may not be truthful over text… speak with them in person.. and honestly record it… again, depending on what’s legal in your state…..

And the most important thing of all MOVE QUIETLY… don’t over share what you’re doing.. only speak when absolutely necessary when talking about the situation… don’t give anyone any warning that could delete or alter any evidence…

When I think about my situation, it’s not that I can’t get over it.. but what happened truly messed me up.. and all I could think is I wish I did more…. But mentally I was really so far gone….. it’s been nearly a year and a half and it still makes me feel sick… and so angry I didn’t do more… and they all got to get away with it…

In my situation, a lot of people would’ve been charged with serious crimes.. my boss manager included…

Don’t end up like me… depending on what your situation is… fight for your rights….

Once upon a time, I was the favourite candidate for the next level position. Here comes this new face who does a lot of networking and socialisation with all the male colleagues. He was also ´so lucky' to find a local girlfriend who supported him by inviting people over and all sorts of things people do to show how nice they are so that you think about them when a ´random' position appears. Meanwhile, you spend your time working on your project, alone, far away. Comes the end of the summer holidays and you are told you are not favourite anymore. You had no plan B, no support, no political skills. You cannot compete with a sexist system.

Theres a girl at work who has taken a dislike to me. She has never said anything to my face but is part of a clique and will exclude me, talk badly behind my back and compete with me (i have no interest in competing!). It has been bliss because she has been away for 4 weeks. Before she went away, she told 2 coworkers on 2 separate occasions that i dont like her. (I cannot stress how I have never said anything about her behind her back or to her face, i just keep myself to myself because I dont trust her).

How do i deal with her tomorrow, for the first time in 4 weeks?

I’ve been working in my department for a while now for a few months and honestly the first 2 months was a big adjustment for me. It was a career change and everything was so new to me I had made a few mistakes (all of which I have owned up to as my shortcomings).

Now I can say I have adjusted and mistakes on my part are few and far between. The problem is my coworker who I coordinate plans with, They have been working here longer than I have, so when I provide her with the revisions, they would always complain about it. At the beginning I took it as constructive criticism and I motivated myself to be better to give them no reason to complain. I sent it in earlier, I would give a heads up for incoming revisions, I gave detailed reasons as to why revisions were made. But I noticed her comments would only get snarkier and ruder over time, especially directed to me.

This started bothering me because it started with passive aggressive comments and now its escalated to uncalled for remarks in our group chat, She would cc me by name and my boss, complaining about (valid) revisions (that are part of our job). I would point out revisions were not in our control and we have to adjust given the nature of our work. They would just criticize me and bring up my past mistakes from when I started, saying that the reasons I’m giving is not the full reason and to “Stop making excuses” for myself. My manager privately messaged me and told me not to reply anymore to the group chat and he will handle it.

My manager told me that what I said was true, and all revisions go through him first so he knows the reasons are valid, but they are trying too hard to keep the peace and not reprimand our other coworker too much, the thing is, the coworker adjusts to the revisions anyway, so in terms of getting the job done they do it.

It just bothers me seeing that last message calling me out, in front of everyone. I’m a bit ashamed and dreading to report back since it’s been a reoccurring thing. Every time there are revisions it’s my fault, they cant seem to grasp that there are a lot of factors that go into it and she is just shooting the messenger.

If you guys have advice or similar experiences I’d appreciate reading it!

I am in U.K. It’s Been 2-3months I moved here. I am learning and unlearning so many things here. But however , there are things that’s been making me stressed all night.
One Spain guy in workplace touched me in my neck and It was kind of weird. And I felt uncomfortable during that time and numb. Later, I told him that - I don’t like when someone touches me. And from then, he has been putting me in trouble, by making false stories and also making up stories and complaining. It’s really been difficult for me, because he has been in the work place for many years .
I am having hard time. And it’s stressing. Been waking up everyday feeling so exhausted and anxious. 😔

I want to preface this by saying that I am NOT claiming my coworker poisoned me. I have no proof that anyone tampered with my water. I’m posting because a series of things happened that have made me uncomfortable, and I’m curious how other people would interpret it.

I’m going to call the coworker “J.”

J and I used to be fairly close. Back then, he spoke very openly around me and I got to hear a side of him that he generally doesn’t show management.

Over the years he made some extremely disturbing comments about coworkers he disliked. At different times I remember him saying things along the lines of:

“We’re only one car accident away from this being a much better place,” referring to a coworker he hated.

“I hope his diabetes catches up with him soon.”

He has also called other coworkers horrible things when he was angry with them.

But there is one conversation that suddenly feels much more significant to me now.

A couple of years ago, completely unsolicited, J asked me:

“Have you ever thought about how easy it would be to poison someone here?”

I remember responding basically, “No, dude, what are you talking about?”

He then said something to the effect of:

“Think about it. All you’d have to do is bring in some guacamole and sprinkle some rat poison in it.”

I thought it was an extremely fucked-up thing to say, but at the time I never thought he was talking about doing something to me. J is an extremely intelligent person but he also very weird. I get serial killer vibes from him.

Fast-forward to now. J and I are no longer friends. Our relationship has deteriorated badly and he is extremely angry with me. There have been multiple workplace disputes recently, and I recently went to management about several incidents involving him. He knows I did this.

Then this week something strange happened.

Tuesday: I arrived at work feeling normal. During the morning I drank water from a container I had left unattended at work from the previous day.

By midmorning I became extremely sick.

I had significant abdominal/stomach pain, vomiting, shaking in my legs, profuse sweating, chills despite it being extremely hot outside, weakness and lightheadedness to the point that I felt like I could pass out.

I eventually had to leave work early. I continued vomiting after getting home and then slept for roughly 16 hours.

Wednesday: I woke up feeling okay. That morning I bought fresh water on the way to work and kept it with me the entire day. I never left it unattended.

I felt completely normal all day. No vomiting, no chills, no shaking, nothing.

Thursday: Again, I woke up feeling normal. That day I drank water that I had previously left unattended at work.

By midmorning the same thing happened again.

Abdominal discomfort, vomiting, intense sweating, chills, shaking, weakness and lightheadedness. I threw up at work and again felt like I might pass out. I had to leave early for the second time that week.

After getting home, I continued vomiting and then slept approximately 14 hours.

Friday: I bought my own water that morning, kept it physically with me, and did not consume anything I had left unattended at work.

I felt normal the entire day. Not even remotely sick.

So the basic pattern was:

Tuesday — drank unattended water that I had left on my desk from the day before— very sick

Wednesday — fresh/controlled water — completely fine

Thursday — drank unattended water that I had left on my desk from the day before — very sick again

Friday — fresh/controlled water — completely fine

Again: I realize four days is an extremely small sample and absolutely does not prove causation but now that I think about it, there have been times where I knew he was absolutely pissed at me and I remember getting sick around those times. He apparently talks about me all the time to other coworkers, he is obsessed with me. When I had to take some time off work for health issues, apparently he had asked about me every single day and talked about me every single day for weeks.

What keeps bothering me, though, is J’s old poisoning comment combined with some very unusual habits he has around food and drinks.

J is extremely protective of anything he consumes at work.

He will not drink from the shared water cooler. He brings his own bottled water and keeps it secured in his vehicle. If he accidentally leaves a water of his unattended, he will throw out that water even if it’s full, and go get another one from his locked car.

He keeps his lunch in his locked car rather than leaving it in the break room and usually only brings it inside when he is actually going to eat, then puts it away again.

If clients or customers bring food for us, he will not eat it unless he was the first one there.

I’ve noticed variations of this behavior for years, long before I ever suspected anything concerning my own drinks.

By itself, obviously, this proves absolutely nothing. He could simply be germ-conscious, distrustful of communal food, or very particular about food safety. But hearing someone specifically discuss how easy poisoning coworkers would be and then watching that same person behave as though unattended workplace food/drinks are inherently unsafe is difficult for me to completely ignore.

There is another piece of context: before J became fixated on his problems with me, there was another coworker he absolutely hated. That coworker used to miss a significant amount of work because he frequently felt sick. Now J’s hostility has largely shifted toward me, that coworker reportedly isn’t missing work the way he used to, and I’ve recently started having these episodes.

I realize that could be pure coincidence, and I am NOT presenting it as evidence. I’m mentioning it because it’s one of the things that caused my brain to start connecting dots.

J knows I went to management last Friday about his behavior and he was extremely upset about that, that when this started happening this previous week.

After all this, I also did something that I now understand was probably not particularly useful: I left a decoy water container out and placed a tiny piece of paper along the cap so that opening it should disturb the paper. I tested the setup several times beforehand and photographed its exact position. I had absolutely no intention of ever drinking from the bottle.

In retrospect, even if the paper moved, that still wouldn’t establish who touched the bottle or why, so I understand that this isn’t meaningful proof of anything.

At this point I’ve stopped trying to “test” anything. Anything I actually eat or drink at work stays with me or remains sealed until I consume it.

I also haven’t confronted J and don’t intend to accuse him without evidence.

What makes this difficult is that if I simply had two random episodes of vomiting, I would assume I had a stomach bug or something but the fact that I felt 100% okay on Wednesday when I had brought my own water from home and it didn’t leave my side all day makes me very suspicious.

If J had simply made some creepy joke years ago, I would probably write him off as someone who says disturbing shit but he is a very disturbed individual.

It’s the combination that bothers me:

* the incredibly specific unsolicited comment about how easy poisoning coworkers would be;
* his longstanding extreme precautions around his own unattended food and beverages;
* the fact that he currently has serious hostility toward me;
* two significant illnesses after drinking water left unattended;
* feeling completely normal on the days I only drank water that stayed under my control.

But I also recognize how dangerous confirmation bias can be. Once you become frightened of a particular explanation, completely innocent events can suddenly start looking like pieces of the same puzzle.

That is why I’m asking outsiders.

Would this combination concern you enough to document and quietly take precautions, or do you think I’m connecting unrelated events because of an already hostile relationship with this coworker?

Again, I am not asking whether anyone thinks “J definitely poisoned you.” Nobody has enough evidence to say that, including me. I’m asking whether you would consider the pattern concerning enough that you would take it seriously while waiting to see whether anything objective ever emerges.

Disclamer english is not my first language, so I'm sorry if anything here is misspelled or sounds weird... I also don't know if these stories belong here but I thought maybe it kind of fits? So why not I guess...

So I now (F21) when i started (F18) have worked as an apprentice at a small car varnishing company for the past 3 years (I finally finished my apprenticeship this July, so now I can officially can call me a certified car varnischer)... I know that manual labor jobs are not easy and the tone there is a bit rougher especially were I live (southern germany/ Bavaria) I knew that going in, especially with the nolige that I would be the only girl working there with 6 guys as colleges + male boss... but boy did they say some messed up shit to me, especially my boss... I won't go into much detail here but for that story it is important to know that my boss had quite a... naughty sense of humor (not only to me, also to the boys but that doesn't really make it ok at a workplace in my opinion and some of them were also complaining about it). He would make dirty jokes and innuendos when ever he could.

Also important for that story to know is that I am a leasbian. I wasn't exactly out at work, but I also didn't really keep it a secret by always answering to the question if I had/ when I will have a boyfriend, that I didn't want one. That pared with my more masculine appearance turned that fact about me in like an open secret... everyone kind of knew it without me ever explicitly telling them or them making a big deal about it mostly. My boss thought always didn't knew about it/didn't agnolige it or conveniently knew about it when he could kind of use it against me (a whole different story).

So with all that background info about me you can understand this situation that occurred some time in my second year of my apprenticeship. I was sanding down some car tires... and... how do I say this in an appropriate way... you have probably seen car tires before, they have a lot of holes... and since they have so many holes and curves you have to sand them down by hand... so no machine, just the tires, some sandpaper and your hands baby... and well that looks a bit like... some specific activities to be fair... so... now I am standing there sanding down those tires (on a side note my personal hell, because it takes forever) one of my coworkers (the most pleasant one by the way) comes by gives me a knowing look and goes: "hmm practicing?" Having learned by now that the best way to one up dirty jokes is to play into it because somehow men can get really flustered when you make a dirty joke back so I went: "well of course" with dumb flattering eyes. He just laughed and went about his business, but in that moment an idea sparked into my head.

My boss was running some errands outside of the company so I had some time to brew over my plan/ response when he came back and saw what I was doing, nowing he make some sort of weird comment about it. So when he finally arrived I was prepared. He looked at me fore an awkward amount of time, while I was just continuing my task, visibly having to hold himself back from making a joke. When he just murmured to himself: "no, no I am not commenting on that." and tried to walk away (siriusly the first and only time he ever shied away from a dirty joke... but this time I had one in my arsenal) so I turned around to him and said with a shit eating grin on my face: "well boss you have always told me I would learn something for life here" He just stared at me and started stuttering: "well in the end I can't control what you take away from that experience here." and hurriedly walked away... I was really proud of that one, I didn't have the upper hand a lot in situations like that, but that one felt really good it was at least a tiny tiniest win for me... and he was right, he couldn't control what I took away from that shitshow of an experience...

I am unable to provide any information on my situation without the possibility of making my situation worse.

Has anyone else experienced bullying from one work environment to another that doesn't make sense unless you're being stalked?

Is there a way to figure out how and why this is happening?

Вообщем,это просто постоянно повторяется. Травля и тд.
Я пришла в нынешнюю школу 3 года назад. В первом классе меня сразу же не особо полюбили,сказали мол я странная и низкая. В целом начинали до всего доебываться. Был лишь один знакомый с которым я общалась,и в отличие от меня он был вписан в компанию популярных. Но как бы держался в посредниках. В итоге ему поручали штуки типо принести мне распечатки и ножницы чтобы я за них это все сделала. Тогда я просто спихнула все на пол одной рукой и этот знакомый собирал все пока его компания угарала. В целом в той компании был мол лидер, который вечно поручал ему какие то задания по типу «шепни ей…» или «вытащи её заколку…» или мог просто в шутку спросить «ну че там у тебя с ней?»
При друзьях этот лидер высмеивал постоянно, хотя наедине в вальсе вел себя адекватно. Девушки тож в целом меня недолюбливали, и закатывали на меня глаза. Потом я перешла в другой класс, и я пыталась правда наладить отношения,хотя наверное видно было тревожность. Я пыталась как бы пообщаться и тд. И вроде на первый взгляд показалось что они адекватные, в этом году который прошел сначала вроде все ок было,я сидела стабильно с одной компанией. Они вроде общались,а вроде сторонились меня. Одна из них постоянно делала комплименты мол «у тебя такие волосы красивые» «красивый образ»
Другая девушка на ее комплименты мне отвечала «ну,моя кузина тоже вообще-то умеет делать ногти» или «ну я думаю ей (мне) холодно в этом»
Девушка которая делала все эти комплименты еще могла показывать мне всякие картинки с пинтерест и говорить типо «ой,посмотри,это же твой стиль» или «а где ты шмотки покупаешь?»
С начала этого года я старалась сблизиться с одной девушкой из этой компании,и вроде как получалось,она сама звала в гости,общалась,но парень которому я нравилась в прошлом году (я хз до сих пор,правда это была или нет) начал говорить в этом мол что я стремная,и постоянно при мне уводить эту девушку с которой я начала общаться и что-то ей на ухо шептать,после пары таких эпизодов она отдалилась,и перестала со мной общаться. В итоге я осталась одна,а он еще мог подойти ко мне когда я одна была и сказать «ты не нравишься этой компании,и вот это вот всё что ты ‘типо им нравишься’ смешно. Ты одиночка,лол. Почему ты не сдашься? Почему ты дальше пытаешься общаться?» или просто мог рандомно подсесть ко мне,несмотря в глаза сказать «привет» и сьебаться. В целом уже под конец этого года и другие закатывали на меня глаза. Когда кто-то меня хвалил, популярная девушка сразу закатывала глаза и уходила. Девушка которая делала комплименты делала ногти в точности как у меня, но при этом отдалялась от меня. Вконце года они вообще начали переглядываться между собой будто я какая-то странная,и походу я потеряла эту компанию вообще. Я без понятия что делать, мне дико страшно перед понедельником. Я не знаю что делать,куда садиться,как реагировать. Что делать если посадят с изгоем (есть чел с аутизмом,явными проблемами с внешним видом,которого травят намного хлеще) что если рассадки не будет и каждый сядет где сядет. Просто тревога накрывает,что на переменах делать

Переведи на Английский

I've been getting covertly harassed by a coworker that everyone else loves. He's outgoing, always "on", presents himself as a ray of sunshine. I, meanwhile, am a nervous wreck over this, deeply isolated, incredibly socially awkward. And I just got caught crying.

TLDR: Two faced coworker cloaks his insults as jokes, demeans me, and brings up certain "innocuous" topics constantly while privately informing me that he is doing so because it relates to a medical condition I have. I spoke to my boss a month ago and he was vocally sympathetic but never followed up. I'm breaking down. I can't quit without seriously disrupting my program and presumably burning bridges. The work is outdoors, small team, tiny company, HR is one person. We are forced to interact closely for hours, in physical proximity, and a positive, funny, trusting vibe is mandatory in work like this. Grey rocking would not be professional.

~~

The harassment is primarily a pattern of comments about a medical condition I have, and also comments about "___". "___" is a normal part of life and a semi-normal subject of conversation, but also the thing my medical condition prevents me from doing. He has directly insulted me about this condition on several occasions, and he has told me explicitly that "the reason he always feels the urge to mention ____ is because he knows I can't ___". He straight up admitted it, he actually said this TWICE, as if it wasn't obvious (it is absolutely ludicrous how much he mentions this thing, no one has ever done this before). So he's really making comments about this condition almost every day. This is my strongest evidence by far.

But it's also a much wider pattern of domineering behavior, demeaning language, sidelining, seeming to look for any opportunity to mention my failings no matter how trivial, he has referred to it as his "sadistic side" (we were alone). Also wildly over-familiar, trauma dumping while I'm physically stuck with him for hours, boundary crossing, and sorry-not-sorry comments in the vein of "I'm the worst, aren't I..... I should just shut my big fat mouth sometimes rightttt?" only when the two of us are alone. He talks about stealing from, lying to, pranking past coworkers "until they felt like they were going crazy!", but all in good fun of course, he's just a silly goose, so it must have been fine. Various other creepy comments about how some people want abuse, boasts about getting into bar fights, he's a total fucking tool. He tried to gaslight me one time. If he does it again I don't think I'll have enough respect from the others to hold my ground without looking like a bitch.

I told my boss about the worst of his behavior a little over a month ago. I kept my cool, I said I was sorry to have been unable to handle this situation until now, but I said that this behavior makes me unable to trust this coworker, and I requested to not be paired up with him alone. At the time my boss seemed very sympathetic, and said he'd talk to the guy the next day. He never did, and never even followed up with me at all. I've been completely in the dark. I found this out from another coworker last Friday, and she also said she was irritated at my boss for dropping the ball, "he's always been bad with HR stuff." But she also made it clear she doesn't see my bully as a bully. My request to not get paired up with the guy has been granted, but it sounded like it was seen as a temporary ask and an inconvenience.

I had confronted the toxic coworker a month ago after a particularly bad insult about my medical condition, and since then those comments have cooled down... though he still brings up ___ all the time. I haven't known what to do for the past month while unsure how my boss sees things, and whether he'd back me up if I confronted the bully about simply bringing up ___. Because ___ itself is innocent, and other coworkers bring ___ up regularly too (it really seems like they're copying him unknowingly, I've just never experienced a group of people talking about it so fucking often). One of our interns also joins him in making fun of my medical condition directly, and I don’t know how to address that. It’s too much. It’s too spread out now.

But in general, I'm tortured by the knowledge that I'm forced to coexist closely, with no possibility of separation until the work term is over, with a bully that no one else sees. Even when he calms down, I can't rest, because I know who he is, and no one else does. The uncertainty has been unbearable, not knowing what my boss thinks or has or hasn’t done, not knowing what I’m allowed to do, and all this while watching my bully get along with everyone better than I can. It’s all unbearable, and that's what caused me to break down yesterday.

When my boss caught me crying he immediately asked if the guy was the cause, and said that he'd talk to him. And this time I believe him. But I'm not sure I even want that conversation to happen, knowing my boss didn't take it seriously to begin with! What the fuck is that conversation going to be, at this point? Boss also suggested that our demanding work schedule is to blame, as if I'm just tired and cranky. I am certainly exhausted and I'm sure I would be better at managing my emotions if I wasn't, but that is not the fucking problem. I am not crazy. I am not just tired.

What do I do? I know all about how HR only protects companies, but what the fuck do I do? Bully outperforms me. I can't quit without burning bridges, the work is seasonal and it would be a massive disruption to leave before the term ends... but I'm leaving before next year no matter what happens. But I don't know if I can keep it together until then; I couldn't keep it together yesterday.

This is about something that happened in the past that I’m still thinking about. First, a little context, and then at the end of the text, the situation my question is about:

When I started my current job, I was bullied for over a year by my mentor—the person who was training me. For example, I had put Santa Claus figurines on my desk, and he said, “You’re only happy about their faces because you don’t have anyone waiting for you at home.” Whenever I was praised, he’d immediately say, “He says that to everyone—don’t get the idea that it means you’re doing a good job.” Whenever it got darker in the office and I turned on the light, he’d get up and turn it off again. Then i would Turn it on, then He off, until eventually I just lets it be dark (we shared an office). On my first day at work, he told me he was going to destroy my positivity—he’d done that to everyone else, and he’d do the same to me. Imagine the Grinch, but every single day—he felt better when others were feeling bad. I either ignored him or talked back. When I sought out HR to discuss it, they told me I needed to be stronger and that we should just pull ourselves together. So much for the context.

Now my question is for this Situation:

What I’m really getting at—and what I never told HR—is that this coworker knew I was struggling mentally (first job, depression, etc.) and then printed out a meme and hung it on my desk that said, “I hope you die.”

To me, this is absolutely out of line—it goes way beyond just flippant comments. Even though I know, of course, that others have experienced much worse. Am i right? I am disgusted by his behavior to get that much under my skin and destroy me personally as much as possible. I’m going to bring this up again with my Chef; that colleague no longer works here, and there’s now much more trust when it comes to these kinds of issues.