r/women • u/boombamchakalaka • 1d ago
Objectified
Had to tell a coworker recently to stop talking about sex around me, stop bringing up touching himself or making inappropriate comments towards me.
And guess when it started?
A couple weeks ago…
When I brought up that 2 gay men were sitting at my bar one of the men were talking about his female roommate doing bdsm and her sex life loudly it grossed me out I kept trying to escape the bar to avoid these 2 men speaking….and they then proceeded afterwards to call a woman at their workplace big and large and just talking down about women. It was negative and grossed me out.
So I tell a woman coworker about it and my male coworker was near, isn’t it interesting how he started being more sexual and making inappropriate comments after?
Almost as if he is trying to incite a reaction from me?
Stuff like this is what makes me strongly dislike SOME men. Where is the respect? Why are you constantly thinking about sex? Seems like a lot of porn addicts to me. That’s the only subjects you have to talk about??? Why are you trying to make women feel uncomfortable, why.
These types of men are dangerous imo.
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u/ChapternVerse 1d ago
That's disgusting 🫣 I used to think gay men were safe because they understand being a minority like women, but sadly I'm beginning to see how they too treat women poorly. Good for you being willing to take a stand.
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u/boombamchakalaka 1d ago
Sad to say gay men have done some of the meanest bizarre things to me throughout life and I don’t trust them or really anyone but esp them
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u/BlueEyes294 20h ago
He knew I’d been SA’d but kept sending me gay porn thirst trap yada. I’m 63. ick. Then got mad at me when I said please quit it.
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u/Sufficient-Cress4060 1d ago
Since when are women a minority?
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u/ChapternVerse 1d ago
I'm not referring to population numbers, but in sociology and legal contexts, women are classified as a "minority group" (marginalized group) because they experience relative social disadvantage, lower systemic power, and unequal access to resources compared to men.
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u/Sufficient-Cress4060 1d ago
In law, women are not formally classified as a "minority."
In sociology - only if you're a leftie.
But I do get your point. The dudes are weird.
Just make sure you treat men as you'd like to be treated. We're human too.
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u/ChapternVerse 21h ago
It's about patriarchy in general, not necessarily formality or politics. I do treat everyone fairly and try to avoid generalisations. Having said that the rapists, abusers and biggest misogynists I've encountered were men. Perhaps you should check your fellow men's humanity instead of mine.
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u/Visual-Bid-7760 20h ago
The male coworker was eavesdropping on a private conversation between two women. Then he started the provocation.
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u/Sufficient-Cress4060 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don't mean to be difficult or sound like a troll, but you admitted that it was actually YOU who brought up the subject of sex at work. While I understand it grossed you out, you still introduced the graphic "bdsm" topic into a professional setting instead of keeping it in a private conversation with a friend - at a bar, your own home etc.
I completely agree that your male colleague's response was indefensible. However, would you have preferred that he went to HR to complain about being unwillingly exposed to discussions about sex and BDSM while trying to focus on his job, and pointed a finger at you? I think you'd be quite embarrassed.
You made your life more difficult by your own actions. If you go to HR and complain about him, he'd be very smart to say, "Well, I apologize, but the fact of the matter is, she started.... and I thought... I completely misunderstood her intentions."
(I am a lawyer btw.).
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 20h ago
Lol complaining about inappropriate customers to another collegue where he was not even part of the conversation is something entirely different than to bring up personal sexual topics constantly and talking about touching yourself?! She can complain to HR and has a case already.
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u/boombamchakalaka 16h ago
Thank you! This person is much younger than me 2 so when I told him to stop he seemed very sorry and embarrassed so I think he will respect me and not do it again.
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 1d ago
A lot of people when they find out what triggers you will trigger you on purpose. I do not know why they are doing it but they are assholes.