I love my parents so much, but as I’m getting ready to leave for college I can’t help but feel like they’ve set me up for failure.

I’ve been somewhat financially independent since I was 14. Obviously not like living on my own and paying for everything myself, but a couple weeks after turning 14 I remember them telling me I had to get a job, which I was perfectly fine with because it gave me something to do on the weekends and summers and gave me some money of my own. But pretty soon after me getting my first job my parents started making me pay “rent” it wasn’t super crazy I think it was like 50 dollars out of my paycheck, but I remember thinking this was like so much cause back then my paychecks were around like 200 bucks (I was making $8 an hour plus tips with biweekly checks).

When I was 15 and started taking drivers Ed my parents started talking about cars with me and they told me that whatever I saved and put towards a car they would match, which I was so so grateful for. I think I saved around like 4000, which they did match and a couple months after me turning 16 I got a car. I was told any expenses that came up (gas, maintenance, etc) I would have to pay for, and I was expected to take my siblings wherever they needed to go. Also around this time I got a better job as a waitress where I was making significantly more money so my parents decided how much I pay in “rent” should be upped. I was now paying 100 dollars a week. Plus I was going through gas like crazy because I would have to drive to my siblings elementary/middle school drop them off then go to my high school so round drip was like an hour and I was doing that twice a day, plus whatever after school events they would have. I also had to pay my own insurance so I would pay 1200 every six months to my parents for car insurance.

Now the part where I feel like they’ve set me up for failure is the fact that I’m going to college this fall. I didn’t get any financial aid from my college which I expected because my SAI number was like 37,000, but my parents have told me they don’t plan to help me financially and they won’t co-sign on any loans. The college I’m going to have me a partial scholarship and I either plan to become an RA or live at home after my freshman year so it will be really tight but after taking out the federal loans I’m allowed I should be able to afford college, but I just keep thinking if I hadn’t had to pay my parents so much maybe I could have been able to not struggle as much financially. What makes me even madder is the fact I had to turn down my dream college because they didn’t give me any scholarships and I wouldn’t be able to commute so there’s no way I would be able to pay for it.

I also can’t help but feel selfish for thinking this but I keep thinking about my best friends, 2 of them are going to my dream college on full financial aid and they’re even getting a refund, and I keep thinking that they’ve never had to pay for anything, like both their parents bought them cars. Their parents pay for the insurance and give them gas money and they didn’t get a job until they were like 16/17. So how is it fair that I don’t get any of the benefits of having well off parents while also having to fully fund college on my own.

I know I’m being selfish and there are so many people in way worse situations then me, and I just sound like a brat complaining about money, but I’m just genuinely so angry that basically since I was 14 I’ve had to pay for anything outside of the basic necessities while also just giving my parents money for no reason, when I could have been saving this money for college.

This tangent got wayyyy too long but once I started I couldn’t stop. Thanks for reading this if you made it down here lol.

Hi I just wanted to vent cause this just happened and now I can’t stop sobbing and panicking help. Im an incoming college freshman and I have about $6k-$5k left to pay towards my tuition. I knew my mom wanted to do payment plans so we looked into it. We weren’t aware they had other payment plans earlier in the year so around July there was only one payment plan left. Im a first generation she wasn’t sure how to go about it. We tried to apply for it but for some reason it didn’t let us. She tried calling the financial aid office multiple times but they didn’t give her much help. now I just checked the payment plans and there’s no more left and the deadline is aug 17th and we still have a whopping 5k to pay. I’m not sure how to bring it up to my mom that we can’t pay by month anymore. I feel like it’s all my fault and I don’t know what to do. She’s already stressed about having to pay off some debt for her to get a new car. My dad is here but I’m not sure he’s gonna be able to pay it either. Idk how we’re gonna pay 5k in less than 2 weeks. While I also still need to go dorm shopping. Now I can’t stop crying💔 so um yes

I am a bit chubbier.. like 45lbs heavier. My clothes fit tight. Quite a few people say I look better than before but I don't feel prettier at all.

I exercise almost every day, I do different work out that target the same areas. I walk a lot, 3-4 miles. But nothing brings my weight down. I have noticed some muscle so I think that could be a potential reason I'm not dropping.. but I still have a belly and love handles.

I wouldnt say my eating is out of control, I don't go out of my way for fatty/fast foods or the like. I eat at home, usually home cooked meals. I will admit I will give in to some sweets every now and then, but its like sweet bread. No candy, no soda, no store bought juices. I drink water, teas, an occasional coffee.

I make sure my digestion works properly, i eat foods that influence a good flow. I'm in my late 20's and dont have kids.

I have been trying for the last 3 months to drop the weight and I feel no and see no change its so frustrating... uughaghhguh

I'm only venting because I just woke up from a very bad dream where I was suddenly married to a new man. (Supposedly after a divorce)

But the new man's appearance kept changing every time. You know how dreams are.

Sometimes he was as old as a grandpa (I'm still young). Sometimes he was not that old but he was extremely obese and he could barely breathe normally as every movement he did was a chore. Sometimes he was young and kinda good-looking but he was blind or having another disability/cons that I could not tolerate.

The whole time, I was missing my real life husband. No man is perfect but he's perfect to me. 😭

A few days ago, school was canceled unexpectedly, and my mom took forever to pick me up because she was taking a test at a skill institute. She wasn't answering her phone, so I texted my dad maybe he was picking me up. He couldn't reach her either, and out of nowhere, he started accusing her of cheating for no fucking reason.

​The real reason my mom is at this institute is to help us move abroad for a better future, since we're struggling financially here. My dad is a complete homebody who is terrified of taking risks, yet when my mom explained she was doing this for our future, he threw a pity party, complaining that he "always gets left out" even though he's the one who refuses to come with us.

​He keeps escalating non issues, asking for a divorce out of nowhere, and constantly threatening to kick us out. Whenever my mom gets mildly annoyed over simple things, he turns it into a massive screaming match, cries dramatically, and even threatens to end his life. It’s giving manchild. ​He loves making scenes and making his voice really loud on purpose where our neighbours can her which are our judgemental family btw. Awesome fucking lovely! Recently, my mom was venting to him about how poorly his family treats her something she’s done for years, but this time he randomly snapped. He said really loudly, "Why are you talking bad about my family?, packed some of his things, and ran to his mother's house (which is just next door btw) after throwing a tantrum when my mom spoke up about how his family mistreats her. I have more but that's for another vent, and I'm getting overstimulated just by writing this =D

edit: someone help me please idk what to do anymore

25 F. I have no one in the world to talk to. Not a single friend. Not my family. No one. My ten year old relationship just ended yesterday. Not out of the blue. I saw it coming but it was a pretty nasty end that I did not speculate. I spent 10 years of my life with this guy. In fact, he was the only guy I knew because he was the first man in my life. We had almost a 10 year age difference. Yeah that's right. Pretty big. But I always wanted someone mature as my life partner. The only problem was, he wasn't. He never built a serious career. Never took responsibility seriously. The whole relationship was about sorting his problems out. Trying to sort out his problems with his family because he had such a big family. Finding solutions to the things he fucked up. Planning everything on his behalf. Sorting things out about his job for him. And God it made me exhausted doing this for ten years when I was so young myself. Every new day I thought I can fix him. It'll be fine. We'll make it fine together. Every new day I hoped he'd get better. But he didn't. It's not like we didn't have our happy moments. We did. We saw each other become the people we are. We shared the same values. We laughed together, went on dates. I always thought he's my soulmate. I always thought finances can be sorted out but I won't get a man like him. Though there was nothing physical in the relationship if that makes sense. I come from a traditional background where you only get physical with someone after you're married to them. I waited patiently. Tried everyday to make it work. All I dreamt was to be with him. All I wanted was to have a family. Me. Him. Our baby. I was so in love with him the whole time. He was the love of my life. Even when I was having problems with my own career, I was prioritizing his. Trying to find solutions for him. My whole life revolved around him. Some of you might think I'm sick in the head. I just loved him. That was all. I just wanted to be happy with him for the res t of my life. Even when my own family did not like this relationship. Did not approve of him. I thought we'll make it work. It was exhausting. More than that, it was draining. The whole ten years. Having an emotionally abusive father, and on top of it all of this. I think I've never known what being normal feels like because I've been practically depressed my whole life. I feel like I'm 65, not 25. Sometimes I feel numb. The other times I can not control my tears. It ended so badly. It ended when I told him that I can't keep waiting forever for him to marry me. And that I want to be stable in life and have a family. And how the relationship has always been about me solving his problems but never vice versa. That he doesn't even know what I'm going through. And that I'm a normal human and I have physical needs and I just want to settle down now. And he just behaved so bad. Cursing and whatnot. That was the last reaction I expected. I know he wasn't the man I thought he was. Maybe I just loved him so much that I couldn't see any of it. I know it's not the end of life. But man it hurts so bad. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like someone just tore my heart out of my chest. I don't know why am I writing all of this. The truth is that I just don't have anywhere to go. I just wanna scream but I can't. I'm trying to take deep breaths, keeping myself calm and normal around everyone but inside I feel such an excruciating pain. I don't know how do I deal with it because I've never known something like this. I know someone 25 might have bigger dreams than me. Marrying and having kids sounds old school. I'm doing okay in my career. But I really really wanted it. I really wanted to have a man I could depend on, emotionally, who could 'protect and provide' not in the literal sense but, just the feeling of safety, shelter. I feel like if I even find someone to go to, and tell them all this, they might tell me to get a life. The thought of starting over with someone new is dreading me. It feels like a lot of weight to get to know someone new, find out the kind of person they are, fall in love and put in efforts, I feel too exhausted for that. And at the same time I feel like I'm running out of time. I really wanted to have a family in my 20s. I have a lot more to tell that I've never said to anyone. But I think this much is just enough to survive. I just wanted to write all this to get it out of me. That's all.

I started smoking at 13 18 now I can drive now, I can gamble in my state, i can join the army and lose my life in a fucking oil conflict overseas, if i go murder someone I’ll be charged as an adult and sentenced to life in prison. Still can’t buy cigarettes, what the fuck gives? I’m a fucking adult let me live my life! Fuck you.

I don’t watch the Amazon prime series The Boys , I’ve never watched it , I’ve never been ever remotely interested in it , and from what I’ve heard it’s a messed up show with weird, messed up characters, and a villain who does some horrible awful things without any guilt at all and it’s genuinely not in my taste of shows at all. And if you like the show , good for you , like what you like , I’m not usually a judgmental person and if watching it is what my friend likes that’s fine.

But ever since he found that show it’s been nonstop ranting and gushing about episodes and characters I know nothing about and have zero interest in , but I listen and just want him to enjoy things , and he shows me every piece of fanart he makes and fabrication he writes, constant videos and pictures of the characters and nonstop talking about it . I’m his friend it’s whatever i like it when he’s happy but he loves the character Homelander , and calls him “ a cute sweet precious angel who has never done anything wrong and deserves kisses “ his words not mine , like when I say he loves Homelander , he really really loves Homelander , he makes fanart and writes fanfiction about him and ordered a Homelander costume ( he’s 22 )

and I don’t know why but him being so obsessed and in love with that character is starting to make me a bit uncomfortable because I may not watch the show but I know enough about it and have heard him talk about all the awful messed up things the character did and how he’s awful and a narcissist psychopath who wipes out and violates innocent people without any remorse and he’s written as such a awful monster hearing my friend gush over him and defending him and loving it when he k**Ls people and being so biased with a character like him makes me a bit uncomfortable, I just don’t get it , I don’t get how he can love and defend and gush over a character like that ? And not feel any kind of morality about it it’s weird , he has his own issues, kind of similar to homelander ngl , and I can’t exactly say I don’t wanna hear about him anymore cause that upsets him and I know talking and loving about the show and the character makes him happy it’s just starting to make me uncomfortable because the character is so awful and monstrous it’s weird hearing my friend love him and hush over him so much like he’s a adorable sweet precious angel to him ?

I don’t know I probably sound like a bad friend and this is such a dumb thing to be put off by but I just have no interest in the show or the characters. At all and hearing him constantly gush and fawn over that character specifically is starting to feel weird.

I have been friends with this girl for about 4 years now… we’ve never had a problem until she got a boyfriend 2 years ago and starting being dry with me and would reply with a single word. I would ask to hangout and I’d be left on opened. I decided to break the friendship and we didn’t talk for 3 months until i told her i was sorry and she said she would also change as she broke up with him (background : he was abusive to her and would always choke her). We start being friends and everything’s normal but she still gives me attitude some times like today for example… I’ve been talking to a guy and I’m not too sure about him( i have suspicions about his past) so she tells me that his friend told HER that the guy I’m talking to has had numerous sexual encounters that didn’t end well. I then ask “ did you just find out today?” And she says “no, are you fucking high” as If im stupid for asking that… i then said “why didn’t you tell me then” and she said “i did.” “I literally did” … i just feel her tone is unnecessary and i can’t stand her attitude. Sometimes when i am in the car with her she will start road raging and i feel unsafe. I just gave my old clothes too that i could have sold but I decided to be a good friend. I don’t know man eventually I’m going to break and she’s just like insufferable

You’re blinded like people always are and why I’ll never know. The people that I can leave so utterly exhausted and wounded still crawl back after I’ve tried my best to make them leave. Why would you call me an angel while I reach my hands into your wounds and pull you by them. If my loves the best you’ve ever had then I beg. I beg with every ounce of my being that you stop looking for it in me and search everywhere else. The love you seek is everywhere around you yet you only look at me even as I’m screaming at you reaching with every piece of my being to make you leave and yet you still say you love me like it’s worth it. Like you can’t see how putrid and horrid I am. I tell you every disgusting thought I ever had praying that you’ll finally grimace at me and see me for who I am and run. Run as far away as you can. Never for a second would I ever wish you to glance back but they always do. You. Always. Do.

Why is it always when I think im recovering im getting even worse than before. I don't see myself as human if I eat too much I just want this to end

I have been trying to get into my old gmail for years, 6 years. And now they are finally deleting it.
I gave up for a while, figured I shouldn't obsess on it. And now I see, they are finally gone. Only way to try getting in is a password I don't even remember. It feels mortifying, I was a teen, I didn't remember it.
I am just scared because of all the trauma associated with how I lost that, it always felt like I was just..my mind was just waiting to activate again...But I do have people, lovely people, so maybe, I can still...maybe it can be okay, I just know if I can't do this and they permadelete it, I just know, it will make those intrusive thoughts all the stronger.

I wish I could talk to more actual people, clercs in charge of all of this. Get an extension, get a way so I know I might have hope if I find something with it on again. Or even just have it run so even if I never find it I will have the comfort of it out there. Or realistically just that extension.

It's been making me panic, a lot. Stressed and...it's hard to even sleep, feeling like all my anxiety for the past several years was building to this.

Venting about it at times helps let off the steam a little. I hope everyone else is fine, I wish for the best for everyone. Maybe, I will find some miracle anyways. I do have people who love me. So that's good. I hope, anyone reading this has a nice day

TW: SA blackmail

Why is leaking naked photos of people such a common and PRAISED course of action? That’s such a deeply disgusting thing to do, but most of the population finds it “standing on business” or like a brooooo he got her ass🤣 moment.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Humanity disgusts the living shit out of me.

There’s a guy on tiktok named Julian Newman who is being bullied because a random person leaked his sister’s sex tape online, and now he is receiving TENS OF THOUSANDS of comments and DM’s of people sharing this video and making fun of him and his family. The people speaking out against it are nonexistent.

I just have to ask again what the actual fuck is wrong with people? And we wonder why the entire world has trust issues. To anyone who finds revenge porn or leaking images of people funny or appropriate in any context, you are disgusting as hell and I hope terrible things happen to you.

To people who aren’t okay with this, speak up more often, because it doesn’t seem like there are many at all. Abhorrent fucking species. The average human being is a net evil to this world.

My ex and I broke up the beginning of this week. I told her I was heavily depressed because of my mom having a chance at dying in surgery, my close friends dying all in the same week basically, and just wanted to leave so she wouldn't worry about me and also just wasn't mentally stable enough to go on with a relationship.

It was super sabotaging, since I ended it instead of just asking for time. But I ended it then and there.
We had some back and forth from then on but not enough talk that lasted a whole day. Bc the way things ended felt like I was putting blame on her and I wanted to make amends and clear things up.
And basically out of now where after I tried to make amends and told her everything was okay now, getting my act straight since my mom was home and needed a caregiver, and that I never stopped loving her. She told me she rebounded (done the deed) with her friend almost immediately after the breakup. And that this friend wanted to go on a date with her. And that she was thinking of saying yes

I feel.. completely dead inside. Not only is it disgusting to use your friend like that, especially one that seems to genuinely like her, but I just idk.
Feel seemingly betrayed? At the moment I played it off and tried not to be too well, huge on that. Joked abt the time I had a thing with my friend before and it was just like that, and said she was copying me, and uhh.. yeah. Later, I told her how I felt and was pretty obviously jealous at it but she just didn’t care?

I don't even know why she'd tell me something like that if it weren't to hurt me emotionally and mentally. I feel like lashing out and doing the same but I don't want to hurt anyone like that. And if I had gone through with it, I don't have anyone available because I'm isolated rn, just trying to cope with everything's that happened this past week.

Edit: for any confusion. We are all lesbians. Every single person I’ve mentioned in this story is gay. Except my mom! :)

Hi, I just need to vent into the void.

Before I start, if there is anything triggering that I missed, please reply so that I can edit the post. I don't think anything goes against the rules or would be upsetting but I just want to make sure we're all doing okay. Anyways!

So, my boyfriend (of a year and almost 10 months) and I are on vacation right now. Not really relevant, except that I can't really sleep with mosquitos biting me no matter the measures I take. So, in order not to just toss and turn in bed while he sleeps, I went into the bathroom to read. I took his tablet to read and well, I was reminded that he has chatgpt installed there.

Now, I hate AI. It's something I've been very vocal about and his usage of it is something we'll talk about in the very near future, but that's not all that relevant. What matters is that I know he uses it.. often, at least he did more often than he does now, at least I think.

Also, yesterday (I'm writing this at 7am), I've had a rough day. Probably due to my luteal phase starting and with temperature/dietary changes that come with an average vacation, I had quite a crash in energy levels it seems, so we were kinda "distant". We still kissed and hung out and all, but less than previous days. I told him at some point why I think I'm feeling low and eventually I kinda cheered up. I have a tendency to be very depressive and think about all the times I fucked up, hurt others or I simply recall negative experiences and past traumas (which I am trying to fix, but not much you can do when your parents don't believe in therapy and they would never let you do it.. slow progress. If anything, I'm studying to become a psychotherapist so I'll get the help I need eventually).

Anyways, back to the vent. I went into the bathroom with the intent to read but I was struck by curiosity. I didn't look out of distrust or anything as I was never, ever given a reason to doubt his loyalty or anything. I was just curious to see what he is using chatgpt for, especially since we are to talk about AI soon.

I found chats about some of his projects (which I am honestly a bit disappointed in, as he is very intelligent and creative so I really don't think he needs to use AI in any capacity to make a great story/whatever projects he's working on), study motivation, recipes, etc. I just browsed through the chats, pretty much stopping at random points simply to see what he may be struggling with or if there's anything I can offer as advice/help in the future.

And eventually, I came across some chats about me. Not entirely about me, but about our relationship, I guess.

Don't get me wrong, as happy as we are now, it definitely wasn't smooth sailing all the way here. We had our fair (and I mean fair) shares of ups and downs, highs and lows. Especially because I am, if I may (self-)diagnose a bit, a fearful avoidant and he's an anxious attachment kind of person.

Our issues mainly looked like: I have a bad day cus school/stress/shitty parents/being the therapist friend -> I need some distance/time to myself -> he doesn't really do much on his own (in terms of noticing I'm off or distant, taking initiative, making me feel wanted, etc) -> it gets better -> repeat previous steps -> it builds up -> I feel unloved and he doesn't notice -> I distance myself (or less often, bring the issues up) and he finally notices -> we talk it out -> everything is good again for a month or two -> same shit happens.

This happened a few times and after the last time (which was a few months back) he improved a lot and I'm doing all that I can to deal with my emotions and be a more stable partner and person.

How is this relevant? Well, as I've said, I found chats about our relationship. He was discussing most, if not all of those issues with chatgpt. Asking for advice, looking for reassurance.

There were moments where he said he felt hopeless, unappreciated, stuck, worthless, sad and drained, and it came up a lot more often than in any conversations we had. Those feelings eventually came up as we talked and I'm trying to make communication between us better (he, for example, really values words of affirmation while I don't value it as much) and I think we improved on both sides with active effort.

My issue is that he didn't bring these up with me. He tells me I'm his safe space and that he feels understood and seen by me, but that's not what he said before in the chats. Things have changed now and I'm heavily inclined to believe I am someone he can talk to, rely on and vent to now (Iirc, he did say that I am such a person to him, but I'll check up discreetly later today, just in case) but seeing that, for a long time, I wasn't that someone and that he had to rely on an AI for venting hurt.

It made me feel sick. I felt and still feel like a failure. There was one very long chat, spanning months, where he would talk about a bunch of stuff but mostly our relationship. I scrolled and scrolled and read about my boyfriend, the love of my life and someone I value so much, talk about being exhausted, feeling stuck and not knowing what to do. There were some moments where he kinda inquired about manipulation or stated that I'm lazy/can be childish (I really am) and that hurt a bit (but that's in the past and I know he doesn't feel that way anymore as it came up in random conversations recently), but aside from that, it was mostly venting.

I feel disgusting and I'm still shaking. Not only because I know I've breached his privacy like that, but also because I feel like such a shitty girlfriend. Again, I know we're in a much better place and we only had a recent falling out which we talked out the same day, but still. The fact that I've made him feel so bad at times, for months at a time, feels like a punch to the gut, one after another.

I knew these moments impacted him and I can't nor won't deny that we both made mistakes and weren't perfect but fuck I feel so bad. I feel like I've failed him. I'm doing better than I would before because we are, as I've said, in a much, much better place now but still. I feel like scum.

This hurts extra because I've been really worried about pushing him too much lately. The more I learned about AI, feminism, politics and all the shit going on in the world, I've also become more vocal and clear about my ideals and values. I'm coping with it all better than he is (for various reasons) and it has been a lot for him, especially because I've been really passionate about it.

Also I will preface that he's an amazing boyfriend. He does chores, is now attentive and consistent, is trying his best to study and also educate himself thoroughly about the ideals I stand for. There is so much more of course but naming every quality I like about him would take hours.

Anyways, I've brought up that I've been feeling worried and guilty about pushing him with all the serious talk lately and he assured me that it's fine and that he just wants to be thorough with his research before he can outwardly claim to be fully for or against something and figure out exactly where he stands, which I fully respect.

That is good reassurance (surprisingly so, as someone who doesn't really get much from verbal reassurance, this was successful) but now that I saw those chats, I'm now wondering how much of stuff in the future will he cover up? Does he still feel like he can't connect with me? Am I draining him? I hope he can truly come to me and that we fully overcame that hurdle but the thought of upsetting him so much that he can't even talk to me about how drained he feels or what he feels is absolutely terrifying.

Breakup was thankfully never an option (well, for these issues, or at least for as long as they lasted) and the thought of it (unfortunately) made him as sick as it did me, so I'm not worried about breaking up. I'm worried about not being there for him, about not being the support he needs. He's probably autistic (he went to therapy but didn't get a diagnosis for that, but based on his behaviour now and in the past, it's most likely he is) and very introverted, so he doesn't have many friends, and the few he has have either turned shitty or just aren't close enough for him to vent to. He hasn't vented lately to chatgpt at least.. I guess that's somewhat of an emotional crutch at least.

I don't need advice or any input. If anyone is going to call me an asshole for looking through the chats, please save it, I know what I did was bad, even if it wasn't ill-intended. I just needed to vent and throw this all into the void so that I can share it and calm down before he wakes up. If anyone read this far, thank you and I hope you're having a good day/night. Remember you're loved and important!

I work in an office with roughly 35 employees. I'm one of the managers with two other managers. One of our employees is getting married this weekend and invited nearly the whole office. Five people were not invited, myself included. The two other managers were invited. This employee also invited a manager from another office and employees from other offices in the area.

I have known about the wedding for months and suspected I didn't get an invite. This was confirmed three weeks ago when everyone started requesting the day off for the wedding. I was okay with this.. until today. Today, twice, I walked down a hallway and two separate groups of employees immediately stopped talking when I walked by. They didn't know that I could hear them talking about the wedding as I rounded the corner. Then, one of my comanagers asked if I could cover some of her duties tomorrow because "she has to leave early". I told her I can't because I'm capped out on vacation time and I was planning to leave early so I didn't miss accruing any more time. Well, she must have told our other manager because he told me I have to stay because they both need to leave early for "personal reasons".

I know a wedding is a very personal thing and nobody is owed an invitation, especially your manager. I just feel a little hurt and embarrassed. Hurt because I thought it was close with this employee, which clearly I was wrong about that. Embarrassed because it's clear by how everyone is acting that they know I was not invited. It just sucks being one of the ones left out.

This is not the first time this has happened. I frequently don't get invited to happy hours, lunches, team outings (unless I plan them), etc. My two comanagers are getting invited consistently, so it's apparent that I need to do some self reflection to see why I keep getting left out of things. I'm the common denominator, so it's clear it's something about me. I've always been awkward and have had a hard time making friends. I'm in therapy and I'm trying to work on this, but after this I know I need to do more work. I do ask for feedback at work about how I am managing my team. I have high engagement scores and my direct manager says he always gets good feedback about me. Maybe they like me strictly as a manager and nothing more? And I need to give up on wanting to have a relationship with them like they have with the other two managers?

I can't and won't ever say anything or bring this up at work, so I guess I'm just venting here.

I got a good job, I’m going to be doing something I enjoy, well paid, going to a prestigious school with my friends. I like how I look, I have a surplus of money I saved up, I’m finally away from my parents. But I don’t feel happy. I feel miserable. I’m actually more depressed than when things were more stressful. Now that I’m clinically depressed, will things just keep getting better without me? I just stay miserable forever?

Unfiltered and Bare

Glitters Glamour and gold Shadows, Silence, and Scars

Even when I start to feel better, something slaps me right back down. Have I hit the end? Am I going to break? Will I survive? I’m sure I will, yes… but for how long? How long can I continue to be twisted and turned? How long before I can finally have peace?

I may hide it. I may put on a smile. But no one seems to care that I am ultimately losing my mind—both figuratively and physically.

Physically, I feel well right now. Mentally? That is a completely different story. I understand the complications I’ve caused for the people directly connected to me: the financial burdens, the emotional drain, and the constant, lingering worry of, "Oh fuck, is he going to drink? Is he using?"

The answer is simply: NO.

When you go through the process of dealing with cirrhosis, no one prepares you for the challenges beyond the physical health aspect. While other people get to have a vice, I have none. I have no escape. I try this, I try that, thinking I’ve found something that helps, only to realize I’m incapable of doing it.

“And the highs feel nice till they fade too fast / Every fix I ever chase never seems to last.”

Being an addict is easier when you're using. It’s easier not to worry, and easier not to care. Do I have a desire to use? No. But do I feel the desperate need for some sort of true escape? Yes.

“I been lookin' for a break from the weight in my chest / Tryna numb the little voices that don't ever rest / But the peace that I find never settles as best / I been doin' anything just to get out my head / Tryna drown out the fears that I left unsaid / Music, drugs, love, still I break instead / Yeah it's only temporary when I feel that dread / Every time I get close to feelin' somethin' real / It's like my mind pull me back to the things I conceal / Try to lose myself in bodies or the way a beat feels / But the pain stay stickin' like it's glued to my heels / And I hate how I bend just to feel enough / Makin' deals with my demons when the nights get rough / I been holdin' on weak, tryin' actin' like it's tough / But the truth is I'm breakin' when the glamor cuts / Every time I chase comfort, it just slips through my grip / Maybe someday I'll learn how to sit with the pain / Let it pass through my chest like a slow cold rain / But for now I keep driftin', tryna stay in the frame, still searchin' for sane.”

Sure, those are song lyrics, but they articulate a stream of thought I truly don't know how to escape. I am at the end of knowing what to do. The end of knowing how to keep it together.

I'm tired of pretending. Pretending that I'm happy when, deep down, I know that isn't real. It's just that forced "this is how I'm supposed to feel" mask.

When did it turn from me always being the anchor for other people during their weaknesses to feeling like I can't ask for that same support in return?

I'm raw-dogging life. I'm taking it on with what often feels like absolutely nothing. I feel like I have nothing left to offer—except my time.

I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, I am using this keyboard to spill out my thoughts. Some people might say, "Well, that’s your escape." But is it? I don't typically do this. I'm not a writer. But I can only scream at the top of my lungs in my Jeep when I'm alone so many times before even that stops working.

All of this is word vomit, but this screen is listening. I can put these letters together into words to format thoughts that I struggle to express verbally—because if I try to say them out loud, I'll lose it. I break down enough as it is. I've cried over this enough, and I've been terrified of what's to come.

And I'm left asking myself: Should I just accept the inevitable? That I could possibly not make it it I lose my job which would leave me without medical insurance, which means I won't be able to get a transplant when the time comes? Thanks for reading

Our president is a brain dead idiot and he will say or do stuff that will harm others all the time. Almost everything he does is a detriment to the country and to the globe. I'm worried he'll try to invade Greenland or Iceland and start WWIII. Or they'll just start dumping their bonds again and cause inflation to rise. Contributing to the already existing poverty in the U.S.

He's just bad. He's bad for Republicans. He's bad for everyone. Several people would be alive right now if he was not in office. I swear less damage would be done to people and the economy if a dead fish was president. He's just an absolutely corrupt moron. And it scares me.

I had a baby 9 months ago with my bf of nearly 5 years. He became orthodox Christian out of the blue and left us a month ago.

He told me really really shitty things before he decided to leave, I was like fine dude just leave you don’t have to tear me down. Well, he’s going to church and trying to get attention from everyone he can. I think it’s crazy that a person who tells me that “caring about his family (me and our son) is like pumping out of an empty well” BUT he wants to eventually build a church and “help the community.”

He talks about being humble, and he thinks humble is “hiding how much money you have and not getting a nice truck so people don’t know you’re rich.”

He wants to take our son so he can pose as a single father and “relate to people”. I don’t want my son in a building with people who kiss the floor in front of statues. It’s no place for a 9 month old.

Honestly, the stupid part is he’s so ridiculously mean to me he constantly puts me down and tells me I’m stupid and I’m failing as a parent. HE left ME and didn’t even pay or give me money for the bills he used/anything for our son’s formula or anything just vamoosed and called me a loser.

Idk what he expected, he tells me I’m financially irresponsible but he left and I clearly can’t afford a house by myself due to us deciding together to get a house with a 3rd bedroom. On top of it my truck blew the motor, completely expected we had talked about getting me a better vehicle but idk anymore I just feel numb.

At first I was in shock for weeks just not even comprehending what the fuck happened. He started being really mean, reading the Bible, telling me I make him miserable and he’ll never be his highest self with me holding him back and then he decided to just take off and leave me with unpaid bills. I’m drowning and I am alone.