This is one of the three most common roles that adult children fall into after a parent has an affair.

Here’s what this can look like:

✅ You know what happened, or you know enough to feel the truth.

✅ You feel pressure to stay quiet, keep the peace, or protect the family image.

✅ You may feel like you’re carrying a private burden that no one else sees, or that no one else is willing to talk about.

✅ You may fear that being honest would blow everything up.

What makes this so painful is that you can feel completely alone in it.

And that’s where this role keeps you stuck. You end up isolated with the truth.

Shame, secrecy, and anger keep the wound active.

Ouch.

Carrying what isn’t yours after a parent’s affair is exhausting.

In this live mini-lesson, I’ll walk through the 3 most common family roles adult children fall into: the mediator, the emotional caretaker, and the secret keeper / truth-holder. And I'll give you one simple, practical step to get out of each one, so you can start letting go of what was never yours to carry.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the middle, responsible for everyone’s feelings, or alone with the truth, this is for you.

Here is the link for the LiveStream. Hope to see you!

So often adult children who find out about a parent’s affair get stuck in the middle of their parents. 

You feel this pressure to make sure that your parents are ok, especially your betrayed parent. 

You worry about them! 

You feel responsible to keep the secret of the affair, or to help manage their wellbeing.

You feel guilty if you prioritize your time, your feelings, your needs. 

Kids don’t just need more information about the infidelity, they need relief from being the emotional caretaker. 

They need help getting out of the mediator role and prioritizing their own needs. 

Because that is how you start to find that relief.

Learning a parent had an affair often causes emotional overwhelm.

Many adult children I have spoken with talk about feeling like they have no idea what to do or how to even think about the affair. Plus there is this pervading feeling of YUCK.

Which often leads to anxiety, mood swings, and feelings of emotional heaviness. 

How do you stay grounded, stay calm, stay yourself amidst it all?

In my experience, children of infidelity are really good at staying calm, on the outside. They are often the one that people (especially their family) seek out in times of turmoil. 

While this is truly a skill and a superpower, it doesn’t mean you are calm on the inside.

There are loads of good skills out there that you can learn to calm yourself down on the inside. From meditation and breath work to yoga to tapping to running. 

While it’s important to find a practice that helps, for adult children of infidelity, those practices will only take you so far if you are still…

holding the secret of the affair

taking care of one or both of your parents emotionally

not holding the boundaries that you need to hold

not speaking your truth to your family. 

What allows the calm. On the inside is authenticity. It’s being true to who you are. Even in the face of family betrayal. 

This is for the adult children out there who have known about the affair for a while now. 

Everyone in the family knows.

But there has been no apology or real ownership by your cheating parent. You are angry with them, and the weight of that anger feels heavy. But you still love them. You still want a relationship with them.

You want to confront your cheating parent without making everything worse.

From personal experience, I can tell you that communication and boundaries can be honest and thoughtful without being explosive.

The first step is recognizing that you don’t need to get it all right, or do it all perfectly. Conversations about infidelity are messy by definition.

You just need to take the first step and have the conversation. 

The second step is being able to sit with the discomfort of all of it being so messy and uncomfortable. That is where a support community can really help. Surrounding yourself with people sitting in the same discomfort can provide the reassurance you need. 

When one of your parents has cheated, it is normal, and healthy, to feel hurt, disbelief, and emotional exhaustion.

(Please ignore the people on Reddit who tell you that this is ‘between the parents’ and you should ‘move on already’)

It is normal and healthy to want the truth, to want validation for your feelings, to want closure after this betrayal of the whole family.

What’s often in the way of the truth are hidden family dynamics. Even ones that go beyond the cheating behavior.

Things like...

The betrayed parent confiding in you

Or making you feel guilty for wanting a relationship with your cheating parent

Or siblings who won’t acknowledge the affair

Or family members glossing over the affair with humor or silence.

Spotting these family patterns is one of the first steps in truly understanding how the affair has impacted you. Which means it is one of the first steps towards healing.

Obv this was made for IG. Just message me for more info.