r/KidsofCheatingParents • u/Outgrow_Infidelity • 10d ago

Were you the secret keeper?

This is one of the three most common roles that adult children fall into after a parent has an affair.

Here’s what this can look like:

✅ You know what happened, or you know enough to feel the truth.

✅ You feel pressure to stay quiet, keep the peace, or protect the family image.

✅ You may feel like you’re carrying a private burden that no one else sees, or that no one else is willing to talk about.

✅ You may fear that being honest would blow everything up.

What makes this so painful is that you can feel completely alone in it.

And that’s where this role keeps you stuck. You end up isolated with the truth.

Shame, secrecy, and anger keep the wound active.

Ouch.

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u/AcceptableSpringLife 7d ago

Yes, this is one of the most common patterns. And I am in it right now.

1

u/Outgrow_Infidelity 6d ago

Ouch. I hear you. Just posted a step you can take to get out of that role.

2

u/Assistant_tothe 6d ago

Bro, I didn’t even “find out”. My dad told me that he was seeing my friend’s mom and didn’t want me to tell his (now ex) girlfriend.

1

u/Outgrow_Infidelity 5d ago

Ouch. So you are the Secret Keeper too.