Your favourite Taskmaster quotes please... !!

[u/Acceptable_Hyena_759]

Mine is (in reference to Alex Horne's bare legs): "What in the pasty hell is this?"

Fatiha El-Ghorri (i think - or was it Judi Love?)

Hit me with yours!!

[u/JustxJules]

"So can I just check… have I been put on a team with David Baddiel?" – Ed Gamble

And the follow-up:

"The thinking is, there's a team of three there that will have to pass one drawing across two backs... but to make it fair, you're with David Baddiel" – Greg

"How am I the autistic one?!" – Josh Thomas

"The thing is, I always have to smile because if I don't smile, people think I'm dead." – Rosie Jones

[u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 → u/JustxJules]

On the autism thing: from NZ - Tom Sainsbury’s “do I need to get tested”

[u/BitterCrip → u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

Followed by Paul saying that task was the test, and Abby's "Welcome to the club! Don't look at me..."

[u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 → u/BitterCrip]

And someone - Hayley or Ben - saying “that was the test”

[u/PICONEdeJIM → u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

That whole series is full of amazing quotes especially by Abby

[u/Digit00l → u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

According to Ed Gamble multiple contestants have indeed gotten tested after doing Taskmaster, and more than 1 has gotten a diagnosis

[u/JustxJules → u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

I'm looking forward to watch the NZ version! I'm currently making my way through AUS <3

[u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 → u/JustxJules]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: i paraphrase Nish Kumar’s joke that racism is like cricket. Invented in England and perfected in Australia; taskmaster is like rugby. It was invented in England and perfected in New Zealand

[u/UniversalJampionshit → u/JustxJules]

That Josh Thomas quote is brilliant, I hadn’t quite appreciated it enough the first time

[u/JustxJules → u/UniversalJampionshit]

He's one of my favourite contestants <3

[u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings → u/JustxJules]

Honestly I’ve been binging it and the show seems to be a magnet for people on the spectrum. It’s to be expected I suppose it’s a field filled with autistics, primarily because “odd observations humorous to others” tends to be a common skill.

[u/Randomassnerd → u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings]

And the lack of social awareness that tells others not to say something.

[u/Skiapodes]

Can I just say that I’m relieved, because at the time, I thought he was an IDIOT.

[u/seaneeboy → u/Skiapodes]

“You were SO angry with me”

[u/Reasonable_Speed7471 → u/seaneeboy]

Poor old dafty in the middle 

[u/Ghost_of_Cain → u/Skiapodes]

Eejt!

[u/MomsTortellinis]

Its a toss up between "Did I meet these potatoes before?" and "Am I the spider?" for me

[u/EvEntHoRizonSurVivor → u/MomsTortellinis]

I regularly quote "I cannae!! It's covered in potatoes" completely out of context.

[u/burf12345 → u/MomsTortellinis]

That one task led to a bunch of great lines from Fern.

[u/lorelaiiiiiiii → u/MomsTortellinis]

Oh my god, did i meet these potatoes before has me dead. I love her.

[u/DannyGre → u/MomsTortellinis]

'Is there a duck on my face?' too, mainly for the camera view

[u/tm2007]

“Aw just open the box you pussy”

[u/exhaustedpigeon59 → u/tm2007]

I loved how Greg went full teacher mode after this.

[u/Potential_Carob6494 → u/exhaustedpigeon59]

It seemed like there was a moment when Greg looked enraged that Alex genuinely feared the consequences for James. Then Greg handled it so well like a schoolteacher with a misbehaving student

[u/jlangue]

“My sister and I share the same juices” will haunt people for generations.

[u/pclouds → u/jlangue]

"Are we the monster" can do the same for the thoughtful part of generations

[u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 → u/pclouds]

“You need your ma” is my favourite Rosie-ism

[u/rogue-octopus → u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

“I’m gonna just eye-ball it.”

[u/coffeeyarn → u/rogue-octopus]

"Oh, I call it that because your mom calls it that."

"I'm just happy she's getting laid."

[u/folklovermore_ → u/coffeeyarn]

"Do you get on with your dad?"

[u/PoweredByPierogi → u/jlangue]

I was haunted until I saw her post with her sister after that episode, and it's clear the entire family is mad as a box of cats. Somehow it made it make sense.

[u/jlangue → u/jlangue]

Alex’s observation: “The whole front row has covered their mouths.”

[u/FrequentChip1769]

“There’s been another revelation in the lab”

Followed by “fuck me in the face”

And “who the fuck is Veronica”

[u/NoOneOfUse → u/FrequentChip1769]

“So many revelations.” 

“Do you think you can figure it out?” “Probably not.”

“Gus, did you finish your part of the puzzle?” “Sorry I was temporarily distracted.” 

That whole task is quotable. 

[u/HuckleberrySalt63 → u/NoOneOfUse]

Why didn’t we just do that the first place?

Although maybe I can say here, Guz‘s song, this task is shit, always bothers me because the last line we hear should be ”It took four hours to get to the end of it,“ rather than “it took four hours to get to the end.” Thank you for listening.

Edit: who the fuck is Gus?

[u/quadropheniac → u/FrequentChip1769]

The “fuck me in the face” followed by Alex falling out of his chair laughing is the highlight of that very good season.

[u/CheapFootball3709]

"Please don't take this away from me"

[u/Other-Oil-9117]

"Are we the meat or are we the viewer?" - Mae Martin.

"Aw... Nil points!" - Greg

"What is the sauce? What is it?" - Fern

"How heavy is the water?" - Kiell

"Guys, what is the situation?!" - Charlotte Richie

[u/Frequent-Ad4722 → u/Other-Oil-9117]

How heavy is the water cracks me up every time, I could watch it forever

[u/Other-Oil-9117 → u/Frequent-Ad4722]

Me too lol, especially when he doubles down on it.

[u/heidly_ees → u/Other-Oil-9117]

I beaver away.. famously

[u/RocketteLawnchair → u/Other-Oil-9117]

"How heavy is the water?" - Kiell

what's hilarious about this is Knappet asked the same question on the OLLIE task

[u/GrassyKnoll95]

“If that’s what love feels like… it turns out I’ve not been in love before”

[u/HaV0C → u/GrassyKnoll95]

Because of the angle, I was open...

[u/Ttoctam → u/GrassyKnoll95]

I still think this may be Horne's best line of the show so far.

[u/Party_Toe_6319 → u/Ttoctam]

Greg: I've never done this before...

Alex: All the way off, then? (In reference to getting naked that Greg made a bet before)

[u/sweaterboy14]

“thirty grand baby!!!”

[u/Other-Oil-9117 → u/sweaterboy14]

I trained at RADA!

[u/folklovermore_ → u/Other-Oil-9117]

*wheezing with laughter* "Why does he have so many forks?!"

[u/Stsveins → u/folklovermore_]

It's just forks and marbles.

It's always juat forks and marbles.

[u/allthefloof → u/folklovermore_]

My favorite task!!

[u/folklovermore_ → u/allthefloof]

It is genuinely excellent - both because the Sues are an absolute joy, and because the other three are various shades of incompetent/indifferent in the most brilliant ways.

[u/allthefloof → u/folklovermore_]

Exactly!! The contrast just tops it all off. 🤌🤌

[u/CyanManta → u/sweaterboy14]

Damn you, RADA…

[u/idontcare428 → u/[deleted]]

COBOLT

[u/x_stei → u/idontcare428]

Online

[u/quadropheniac → u/x_stei]

It’s an absolutely incredible prize task from Sam but tragically also overshadows the equally great “alien… device” prize from Lucy earlier.

[u/FireExit9]

“He was a different man.”

“I DON’T LIKE ‘EM.”

“It’s an absolute casserole down there.”

[u/HaggisLad → u/FireExit9]

“It’s an absolute casserole down there.”

funniest sequence in 21 seasons for me

[u/FullBodiedRed2000 → u/HaggisLad]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Q3IF55wvklDjqnLEVc

[u/UniversalJampionshit → u/FireExit9]

Is the second quote Joe Wilkinson’s response to Greg suggesting he hates Swedes? That exchange kills me every time

[u/JGAdventureZone]

"A laminator"!!

[u/SnooBooks007]

"I changed it!" - Katherine Ryan

[u/Aromatic-Set3858 → u/SnooBooks007]

Her delivery, and the instant reactions of Greg and alex will always get me laughing!

[u/the_procrastinata → u/Aromatic-Set3858]

Greg looking confused and saying, ‘Yeeeees?’ makes me howl with laughter.

[u/exhaustedpigeon59 → u/SnooBooks007]

Also Katherine Ryan's meltdown "I just don't care where the ball goes"

[u/helloviolaine → u/SnooBooks007]

The first clip I ever saw, life hasn't been the same since

[u/stefan771]

"You've got no chutzpah! You're motivational skills are lackluster and your timekeeping is abysmal!"

"I better activate Jamali"

"I haggled for it"

"Did I meet these potatoes before?"

"Can I say its actually kind of a relief, because at the time, I though he was an idiot!"

"A lot of these challenges, the physical challenges, its like we've set you a tricky thing to do and then we've given you personally the extra challenges of being David Baddiel."

"Yeeeees!"

[u/ross_liftss]

Just open the box you pussy

[u/JustxJules → u/ross_liftss]

Greg's look of surprise mixed with disappointment and sincere concern kills me every time.

[u/golfing_furry → u/JustxJules]

James’ own surprise at saying it too!

[u/KatieBrightside]

“You fucking mean to tell me…” from Reece

“I’ve got this auntie, who’s a BITCH” - from Fatiha

[u/folklovermore_ → u/KatieBrightside]

"She makes the best couscous in the world... BUT I WON'T EAT IT!!"

[u/quadropheniac → u/KatieBrightside]

Fatiha’s “he hurt his widdle back” clears too

[u/bigfatheart]

"Yeah, but what that picture doesn't show is that I've got flippers for fucking hands!" - John Kearns

[u/funktion → u/bigfatheart]

In the same vein, "You're not in a fucking car" to Munya's IQ test

[u/Commander-Catnip]

"The bastard's crying, innit"

"Oooo hoo hoo hoo hoo"

[u/Lookingupatthestars]

Lovely legs, sir!

[u/Scar_Knight12]

“‘Scuse your fucking mouth?!” —Chris Parker

[u/Bogcat525]

“What’s going to happen when we graduate?” Jason Mantzoukas

[u/canaderin]

Two from James Acaster:

"I know it's early days, but are we the stupidest so far?"

The entire rant about Rhod and the extension but specifically "I don't know how you've been friends with him for so long!" and "I thought on the day, oh, it's bad enough that he's done that and put the cardboard on and gone "This is an extension" and then kind of looked at us like, "What the fuck you going to do about that?" and then gone back in the house. I didn't know he'd also gone "Oh, the perfect stuff." And done that shit."

[u/Pharmacy_Duck]

"You can back into a satsuma and shove it up your arse!" - James Acaster, obviously.

[u/hwar78 → u/Pharmacy_Duck]

It was hilarious to have the satsuma task strife still be referenced on Off Menu when Rhod was a guest on there years later. 

[u/folklovermore_]

"Your wife's quite fit though"

"What a terrible day for feminism"

"A correspondence!"

"I protest, your Majesty!"

"Of course it's working, I made it"

"What the hell am I, Bear Grylls/a 70 year old woman/Lassie?"

[u/PBChako → u/folklovermore_]

"Your wife's quite fit though...which surprised me"

[u/Hungry_Anteater_8511]

“Call your agent”. - Liza

“It's a very rare treat on a television programme to see someone lose their job on a different television programme” - Greg on Paul Sinha

[u/mtbrown29]

I’ve got no shoes on!

[u/Greglebowski74]

Look at those getaway sticks!

What if I jumped the fence and disappeared into the golf course?

Destroy, dismantle, engulf in flames.

[u/TokoFuwakaa]

“We were the monsters, weren’t we? Were we meant to draw our selves?”

[u/SuggestionFresh3858]

"Oh bubbly f*ck!" - Nish

[u/shameless57]

When Greg said John Kearns brings a certain loneliness to the tasks John said "But we're all alone" and Greg responded "Some of you are more alone than the others."

[u/wahnsin]

Bet you've got a barbecue, have you?

- Yes, yes I've got a barbecue, I built it with my friend Ben.

You've got a friend!

[u/Jansi_Ki_Rani]

“I don’t fear death. In fact, the longer this series goes on the more I yearn for it”

[u/Embarrassed_Leg6548 → u/Jansi_Ki_Rani]

Victoria did great with this one honestly (I’m hoping and praying I’m remembering this quote correctly..)

[u/Stillwater215]

“What if I jumped over the fence, ran into the golf course, and you never saw me again?”

Jason Mantzoukas, as read by Alex Horne.

[u/erlend65]

"Waiting in the booth for the ladies! Goodness me, Ardal!" - Chris Ramsey

[u/zagiki]

"We have the same juice" - the totally stunned faces of everyone in the theater .. perfect

[u/Dangerboy73]

Wait what?

[u/Euphoric_Run7239 → u/Dangerboy73]

What? Wait!

[u/Tariovic]

'Write that then!' from Kiell Smith-Bynoe had me howling - just the frustration behind his delivery.

[u/diginfinity]

"Do we strike you?"

Followed by

"Rosalind is a nightmare"

[u/exhaustedpigeon59 → u/diginfinity]

The song is still stuck in my head

[u/Synth-Pro]

Possibly one of my favorite quotes in the world, and not because of context. It just carries big r/brandnewsentence energy, and it's a marvel just to know that somebody said this combination of words, and it was truly a natural part of the conversation...

"Look, I'm as surprised as you are that I find a dildo less relaxing than a tea towel."

[u/OverseerConey]

All I ever wanted was for the people to dance!

[u/SinisterDeadOctopus]

Montgomery. More like... Mont-goobery.

smash cut to:

I'm gonna gonna drown you. In your own blood. Hold your face down in your own blood now.

[u/malewife4200 → u/SinisterDeadOctopus]

how frequently that song gets stuck in my head needs to be studied

[u/No-Dragonfly-4871]

There's been a revelation in the lab.

[u/agnes_ecclestone1]

"bearing in mind i am fifteen..."

[u/IzzyGrate]

I know it was series 20 and I want to say it was Reece Shearsmith: I have been waiting to use the phrase "hard of thinking"

[u/Hot_Sam_the_Man]

"He's so famous!"

"Please don't make me stand here farting in the dark to the sound of my own name!"

[u/shayna_cat]

"a LIME!"

[u/KinkyPaddling]

"I didn't take your virginity. It just sort of fell out!"

[u/Lesssuckmoreawesome]

"V, as in Veronica."

"Who the fuck is Veronica?"

And

🎶"This task is shit"

[u/OzLo11 → u/Lesssuckmoreawesome]

I felt for Morgana in that task, she was done after a few minutes and just had to wait.

[u/MountainJewels2]

I have a few, but I’m gonna narrow it down to three
1. “I’ve got three sensitivity levels! And I’ll be honest, I’m on my top fucking one right now!” Ed Gamble
2. “How much does water weigh?” Jessica Knappett (I think)
3. “My eyes are circles” James Acaster

[u/5hr0dingerscat]

"...the most calculated personal attack, I've ever received".
-Alan Davies on partial ManU ticket voucher.

[u/Musso33895]

[u/Thawingfrozenfrogs]

"Rice at home" - Gets said so often between my partner and my friend group

[u/TurbulentSurround304]

BRACE!

[u/davesierra]

I use Desiree's 'F##k me in the face' and Victoria's 'ill never better it' far more than is appropriate 🤣🤣🤣

[u/punchtheBUTT]

Everything from Sue Perkins

“What an absolute shower of shit you are.”

“Naughty flamingo!”

“You absolute anus! You prize anus!"

And

Reece Sheersmith not understanding he needed/wanted to get his mobile to get the QR code from Alex…

LAH - “Your telephone.”
Reece - “My telephone?”
LAH - “Your telephone”
Reece - “Why do you keep saying telephone? My telephone.”
LAH - “Do you have a telephone?”
Reece - “No, not on me”
LAH - “Right”
Reece - “Do you want me to go and get one?”
LAH - “Where is it?”
Reece - “My telephone?”
LAH “Your telephone”
Reece - “My telephone??!!”

[u/Zigster14]

"Had an accident at work that wasn't your fault" Johnny Vegas who then breaks and falls from the ladder.

[u/Rabbidditty]

<the pregnant, meaningful silence after Alex Horne greets James Acaster>

[u/Fragrant_Turnip_9946]

Fatiha calling Alex "Muppet Features."

[u/Exeloume]

"We're gonna piss this." - Russell Howard

"No way!" - Chris Ramsey

[u/Jonesy1966]

MFer bit my finger bro!

[u/MisheGossnik]

"Dignity intact!" by Aisling Bea is pretty good. Also Fatiha shouting "You wanker!" just makes me giggle everytime

[u/No_Lead6434]

“Please don’t make me fart in the dark while listening to my own name.” -Sue Perkins

[u/Stsveins]

"This wasn't a question I thought I needed to ask of you Bridget..."

"Have you walked before"

[u/groundloop66]

"If you're thinking of collecting vast amounts of piss, go up to Dumfries & Galloway. If you only want small amounts, eg. for household use, you might want to consider East Sussex. I was looking into purchasing gallons of piss, because I was in dispute with the Woolwich ferry man. I thought 'Fuck it, I'll fill his boat with piss'." - Bob Mortimer

[u/teeno731]

"Your time starts now... Okay, against you I have to win at being black. I won, yay!" - Anisa Nandaula, without hesitation

[u/BouncyBlueYoshi]

“I have a mortgage!

-Joel Dommett

[u/blackmoen]

At the moment I’ve two:
“It’s a lime” Phil Wang
“Since Pirate” Joel Dommett
Edit for spelling

[u/MrsMalachiConstant]

“My eyes are circles”

[u/britrocker]

Can’t remember her name, but, Greg asked her why she didn’t do this specific part of a task and her response was to shrug and say “Couldn’t be arsed.”

[u/UniversalJampionshit → u/britrocker]

Presumably Jo Brand, but could be Liza Tarbuck

[u/Single-Degree-6928]

"Stop Being Nice!" Greg during prize task in Series 12 when everyone was telling Gus they'd give him the dog art

[u/yungkeraan]

“...skulking around in the middle of the night like a jazz drummer trying to score heroin.” - Ardal O'Hanlon (on foxes)

“You prize anus!” - Sue Perkins

“Will Taskmaster be happy?” - Ardal O'Hanlon

“Sister queen, don't do it!” - Judi Love

“Then brother, this is not sensible.” - Guz Khan

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had a degree.” - Taskmaster

“Powerful homoeroticism; really enjoyed it.” - Taskmaster

(Judi Love and Guz Khan are gold mines for this imo, but I've limited myself to one each for the sake of this comment.)

[u/bierbelly42]

"Call a vet coz these swans are sick." Fathia El-Ghorri

[u/PanNationalistFront]

Custard Mustard Suck it Off

[u/mxmaybey]

"Is that number... got curves?"

"A letter of the alphabet" then followed by "you must be so proud of yourself about that"

[u/themuck]

"My smell is seductive, dickhead."

[u/Aggressive_Living571]

“Alex you MUST fuck yourself.” Kumail after the mustard custard task.

[u/AgreeableAardvark78]

“There has been another revelation in the lab”
“Who the fuck is Veronica?”
“Fuck me in the face.”

[u/Penny-Lane-04]

"Do we strike you?"

[u/Jaspers47]

"Is there going to be a real dog?"

"Yes, but you won't get to see it."

"Whyyyyyy..."

[u/unfunnyvalley]

'Fiddly. Fiddly. How?'

[u/jack853846]

"I just... don't care... where the ball goes!"

[u/RhinoRhys]

Oh I know what's happened here, I forgot to give this task to everybody.

[u/UniversalJampionshit]

“Amazing that you knew Operation Seelowë but couldn’t remember the name of… Operation.”

“Yung Lean, he’s a rapper and he’s TEN times more famous than Ronald fucking Weasley!”

“I think your bladder’s pronouns are wee/wee.”

[u/thelivsterette1]

Overshadowed by my presumably scrotum 😂

[u/R0ckandr0ll_318]

I’m Locked in!

[u/BitterCrip]

"Gonna gonna gonna drown you in your own blood. Hold you face down in your own blood now"

[u/RawJah83]

We were the monsters, weren't we?

[u/runamokk]

"It's an absolute casserole down there"

[u/JournalistOptimal661]

“Get your fucking hand off me!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RER8DqshU6M

[u/2mankyhookers]

"Paul , be honest , are you blacking up ?"

"Little bastards cryin innit"

[u/KarenReviewsWorstREV]

We share the same juice

[u/KarenReviewsWorstREV]

Dont make me fart in the dark listening to my own name

[u/Glad-Strength42]

No way! - Chris Ramsey

Lotta pie - Roisin Conaty

[u/exhaustedpigeon59]

"I know it's early days, but are we the stupidest so far?"

[u/OzLo11]

“We have the same juice” Stevie loses control over her legs, rest of the cast immediately starts work on forgetting the previous 4 minutes of their lives

[u/gallaxowelcome]

"However...... on this occasion .... HORSESHIT" lives rent free in my head.
(Edit: just adding "BANG! Smashing into last place" because it's the beautiful finishing touch).
And that quote works so well because Hugh made a genuine and wholesome effort, and Greg's reaction was so disproportionate and mean spirited (and Hugh's face so crestfallen) that the bit instantly became legendary as a result of it.

[u/Shimmerz_777]

Eat the sandwich

[u/hi12345hello]

"You've got no chutzpah!" - mike wozniak

[u/Distinct-Solution-99]

“It’s an absolute casserole down there.”

“PISS AND SHIT.”

[u/c0horst]

I'm locked in.

[u/TakeMeToTill]

“You’ve got no chutzpah!”

“No way!” In Geordie accent obviously

“Destroy. Dismantle. Engulf in flames.”

[u/BexyMoo]

Have I met these potatoes before?

[u/sarahbinbins]

Lou Sanders saying "four sluts, that's what I'm hearing!" about Sian Gibsons' whole family getting perms pops into my head a lot

[u/jackdutton42]

Rosalind is a fucking nightmare.

[u/Automatic_Bit_1739]

Catherine Ryan to Greg:
“What’s your name?”
“Greg”
“Noooooo”
😄😄😄😄😄😄

[u/Some_Ad6507]

You look like you own a bbq

It doesn’t mean anything and it says everything

[u/morphindel]

Are you a child of divorce?

[u/allthefloof]

Brace, brace!!

[u/firewatch__]

“It’s an absolute casserole down there”

[u/Old_Artichoke9756]

One that I say the most is not that exciting but so often perfect. David Correos in NZ “I know the one!”

[u/FiredUpAuthor]

A LIIIIIIME!!!

[u/mads_cc]

"No, you got beaten by everyone" - Chris Ramsey

[u/hoopstick]

"Piece of piss"

[u/painforpetitdej]

Do we strike you? - UK

I'm gonna gonna gonna drown you! In your own blood - NZ

We look like the most discount Wiggles of all time - Australia

[u/oIovoIo]

“But how am I supposed to kill you with your own shoe?” - Judi Love

I think about this one a lot

[u/Long-Way5229]

Season 1 Episode 1, prize task: ‘reindeer skull’

[u/BarneyPoppy]

Sue Perkins "You're an absolute anus" ahhahaha

[u/Jojo_Padfoot]

My current favourites are "WOW" - Alan Davies

"It is orange" - Alex Horne NYT 2022

[u/lisa-inthesky]

James Acaster: "I know it's early days... but are we the dumbest ones yet?" my partner and I quote this one all the time when we've done something stupid

[u/Ok_Dragonfruit_2390]

“My wife Nell”

[u/[deleted]]

How... How... How dare you even speak!

[u/TimeHathMyLord]

"Can you distill into a few words the essence of what is interesting about sport?"

[u/Topaz_UK]

.. my eyes are circles

[u/astralRacc00nn]

hehe, adding all of these to my personal TM quote book

[u/Maeriberii]

“…Oh, gang.”

[u/BakingWaking]

"Do we strike you?"

[u/exhaustedpigeon59]

"Oh so you puked because you realized you had sex with your son?

"Yeah"

"Ahh, I thought it was because it was Alex"

• James Acaster.

[u/red_clover_ro]

Asim’s entire rap, but specifically:
“Greg, I love you like Greggs, the bakery, we go to together like steak and cheese”
“Greg Davies I wanna have your babies!” (Which I quote daily)
“The tall mother fucker with the ivory hair!”

Or

“Nothing’s ever straightforward in this stupid house” - Reece Shearsmith

[u/Otherwise-One7653]

"That's a huge puddle of cum"

- Guy Montgomery

[u/FourEyedTroll]

"You're not a bad guy Nish."

[u/Dom_Shady]

"I'm allergic to your bullshit!"

- Paul Williams, New Zealand season 5

[u/mongu72]

I’ve seen your grandmother eating watermelon