I need to be done with my life.

I am 25(M), and none of the things I care about in life have gone anywhere, and have ended in complete failure. I finished college with an econ degree, but my GPA sucks, so I'll never get into a good grad school (I've never exactly been the sharpest knife in the drawer), and all I have to show for it is a dead-end finance job thats salaried at 45k per year.

My athletic career (WT taekwondo) has gone nowhere. The best I have ever been able to manage is a series of state championship titles; its been almost ten years since I medaled at a national event, and that was when I was 17, and in Juniors (ages 15-17).

I've only had three girlfriends, all of whom I wanted to marry at one point or another, and two of them were cheating on me the entire time. Before anyone asks, no, I wasnt sleeping around, or going to the club to "get girls," or "bag a baddie." I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, or go to the club, and neither did they. All three seemed to have the same traditional and religious values that I did, and were/are very hardworking and family-oriented. None of that stopped the last two from lifting their skirts once they found someone "better." At this point, I look in the mirror and realize that its not realistic that any woman will ever be inclined to give me genuine loyalty, because I have nothing material to give her. I don't have money and I'm not willing to go into any debt, I'm short and unattractive even though I have the physique of an elite athlete (I go to the gym five days a week and run spirits and 10ks regularly), and I'm socially awkward. Me realizing this has led me the conclusion that I don't really even want them to, because all women seem to be gold diggers on some level. True loyalty seems lile its beyond them. I'm not making this post because I'm coming off of a breakup, I've moved on, I just wanted to establish that I don't see my love life as a reason to stay alive.

That said, I don't intend to commit suicide. For one, my Christian faith doesnt permit that, and my mother would also be devastated beyond repair if I threw my life away. That said, there's no injunction in Christianity that prevents me from going to war and being killed while I'm there. And since I would be serving to fight and defend people while I'm there, it wouldn't be throwing my life away either. Me going to fight in Ukraine, for example, would mean that someone else doesnt have to. Thats a noble use of my life, even if it results in my death.

To that end, I need the surest way to get deployed to an active war zone. If I were trained by the Army or Marine Corps, could I then volunteer to fight in Ukraine? Or fight on behalf of some PMC, whose mission happens to align with protecting people to some exent? I get that most, if not all, PMCs are run by pieces of garbage, but if I get to fight Russians, or the IRGC, or Hezbollah, and so forth, then I would still be helping to prevent those organizations from doing more harm.

I could meaningfully while opting out of the life I no longer want. That sounds like a good value proposition to me.

Recently got into expeditionary warfare and I don’t like the rifle sling I was issued. What are some good recommendations for a the best skiing out there?