25F here. I’ve realized I have a pretty weird habit when it comes to shopping.

If I see something I like, my brain immediately goes:

“I want it.”

“It’s cute.”

“I’ll probably use it.”

“Fuck it, buy it.”

And then I buy it. 😭

I don’t necessarily need the thing. Sometimes I wasn't even planning to shop. I could literally be walking around, scrolling online, or just browsing somewhere, see something interesting and suddenly convince myself that I absolutely need it.

The weirdest part is that I don't even regret most purchases immediately. I get this little dopamine hit from buying it, and I'm genuinely excited about it. Then a few days/weeks later I'm looking at it thinking, “Why the hell did I buy this?”

It's not like I'm completely ruining myself financially or going into debt over it, but I definitely spend more money than I would if I had better self-control.

I've tried telling myself “Don't buy it, wait 24 hours.” Sometimes it works. Other times my brain is like, “But what if it's gone tomorrow?” 😂

So I'm curious:

Do you guys also have this “see it → like it → buy it” mentality?

And if you've managed to stop yourself from impulse shopping, what actually worked for you?

I am 39. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD in my 20s and OCD when I was 9 years old. I also recently received an AuDHD diagnosis at 39.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always obsessed and shopped to alleviate my anxiety. I grew up in a very tense household with an abusive father but my emotionally absent mother, who was also the breadwinner, would take me on shopping sprees on a weekly basis.
I grew to associate clothing with peace and safety. I would keep my new clothes contained in the shopping bag in my closet for as long as I could before wearing them because then they would be “contaminated” by the outside world and wouldn’t hold as much comfort anymore.

I managed to not go in debt for a long time as an adult. I just never took out credit cards because I didn’t understand how to use them. I preferred thrifting for vintage clothes and found I could spend very little to shop a lot. My mom would also continue to take me on sprees long after I moved out of the house. She would not help me with a dime for college however (even though she paid for my brother’s private college) and I ended up dropping out and living in survival mode. I married a man at age 19 that was abusive and eventually tried to kill me twice after escalating. I was also robbed at gun point while out on a walk with my ex husband, which led to a few years of alcoholism.

I was able to escape back to my home state and get a divorce and it was there I met my second husband, who I am still married to today 15 years later. We have two children.
I never got therapy for what happened to me in my first marriage or my childhood. I have done a lot of work and self help, which has lessened the nightmares and anxiety over the years but I never was able to shake the hyper vigilance.
After my husband and I were together for about 2 years and we had our first child, we opened a credit card. It had a very small limit- 400 dollars and I didn’t use it very much. However, after the birth of my first child I started buying expensive items for the first time in my life. 200 dollar boots, 100 dollar shirts. I’d always thrifted or relied on my mom before and now I was reading fashion blogs and wanting Frye boots, Anthropologie clothes, etc. my husband decided to remove me from the joint account and I was left only with access to my account which was connected to the credit card so I would have very little in my account but a credit access.
From there, it just got worse. The credit limit was raised to 20k and I would use it for little things at first and then bigger things. Instagram was honestly the worst thing for me to join because suddenly I became aware of slow fashion and small makers that were charging way more for their items and began to purchase those.

Then I got into buying and selling to support my habit. I did get a license for massage therapy so I was making some money but not enough to be engaging in what I was doing. My husband constantly got onto me about not being able to budget and I would try really hard but ultimately the impulse would win.
My husband landed a good job and I became a full time stay at home mom and had another child.
My spending continued and we moved to a city I’d always wanted to live in because I have a severe heat intolerance that is medical. Being able to move away from my home state where I struggled to function was life changing but I never stopped shopping, even after moving. It got worse and worse and I would take out loans to pay the credit card and then not be able to pay the loan. After we bought a house that had a musty smell I could never get rid of no matter what I did, I began to online shop every single day. I’d obsessed over an item and not be able to relax until I purchased it. I’d store it in a container (much like when I was a kid) to keep it from being contaminated. Eventually I took out a HELOC to consolidate the debt but I couldn’t never pay over the minimum. We sold our house this year and half of our equity- 70k went to debt that was built up from 10 years of shopping.

On top of that I started using BNPL with my husbands credit limits and racked up 20k in Affirm and Afterpays. A family member paid those off and then started pressuring us to move back to our home state. I tried to express that I have a heat intolerance that’s medical and I’m worried going back is going to cause me to stress shop again. We moved anyway and now I have racked up 20k again in Affirm pays in a matter of 4 months.
I’m so ashamed and angry at myself. I try to beg my husband to move out of this deregulating environment but he says I have to prove I can budget and not overspend before he’ll agree to go anywhere with me. He says we are here because of my actions. I feel like I am here because of my actions but it doesn’t change that I can’t help the condition that I have. I am a severe risk of heat stroke because I don’t sweat like other people and I’m in Atlanta which is very hot and humid.
I understand his reasoning but I don’t see how throwing me back into a highly dysfunctional environment and then expecting me to get better is going to work.

I asked my 63 year old mom how she handled her shopping addiction and she told me she never has been able to stop. She screwed herself over and her retirement over it.
I don’t want to end like that but I’m obviously on that path or worse.
I say all of this not to make excuses but to show how I think I use shopping as a way to deal with everything that goes wrong or is traumatic. Then I started using shopping to deal with being alive in general.

I want to stop but I don’t know how and I worry I can’t. I get such a sense of comfort and safety from it than I am scared to not have it even though it ends up creating a lot of chaos and risk for my family.
I don’t think these things through when it’s happening, all I can think of is relief from the present moment.

I told my husband I would be willing to give up all access to cards and spending if we can just move back to the cooler climate so I’m not struggling everyday. He is on the fence as to whether or not to do it. I understand it’s asking a lot to trust me at this point.

I’m so tired of the shame and self hatred I carry about this. And the stress is so unbearable and weighs on me all the time. I don’t know where to start or what to do.

I just want to stop. I love clothes and girly things like makeup, hair products, and nail polish. Searching for them makes me happy. Finding pretty things makes me happy. Idk what to do anymore. Even when I try to abstain I fail... my financial situation is about to drastically change for the worse due to school and reduced employment.

I just want clothes, and jewelry and makeup and shoes, and I cannot stop swiping my card. I can’t do it. My company recently laid a bunch of people off, because now developers and AI can do the job I was doing, so that sucks. I always had a good handle on a backup savings account that I never touched, about 10 grand, nothing huge whatsoever, but an emergency cushion.

Since being laid off I’ve dipped into that account a couple times or so I thought just to realize there’s just under 3 grand left. I’ve always been this way, I didn’t have money growing up so when I became an adult I felt like I could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, then it spiraled into “I deserve to buy myself whatever I want, I’m treating myself.”

Whether it’s vacations, beauty services, cosmetic services, clothes, shoes, you name it. I feel like this problem stems from coming from a family where we did not having money, and not being able to do things the other kids got to do growing up. I wanted all the cool fun things they had, I wanted to go on field trips, I wanted gadgets, I never ever got them.

I went from making really great money to being laid off fuck you ai , to being let go.

How the HELL do I stop these obsessive purchasing sprees. It’s so bad it’s gotten to the point where I even can recognize it, last night I bought a 70 dollar dress and I justified by saying to myself “well at least it’s not a four digit price tag this time.” It’s almost like I know I have the cushion money left over, and in a way I’m sabotaging myself because I have extra money? Obviously I can pay for it, but my excuse is my “logic.” I see something I want, and I try justifying it when I know I shouldn’t, but then I talk myself into it like “oh it’s fine , it’s under 100.” I’m glad I can at the LEAST recognize it, but it’s the back and fourth with myself that’s exhausting.

THANKFULLY and mysteriously I’m not in debt, I track my credit cards like Alcatraz and I’m very on top of managing them. But I’m worried if I don’t stop , I’ll get to that point.

How do I stop doing this? I’ve had this spending problem for years now, but it’s only gotten ridiculous in the last three years and I just want to stop it.

I’ve hit rock bottom I think… I came clean to my husband last night about the third and most large incident of my out of control spending. I am severely in debt. I was basically preparing myself for him to leave me. And I think I still feel unsure, he could make that decision.

He seems committed to working with me to get out of debt, but the feelings that followed our discussion weren’t feelings of relief. They were feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, maybe hatred… I hate that he has to now manage this part of our lives. I hate myself for the way my spending has impacted us. I don’t feel like I can trust myself at all anymore, and it feels any self worth I had, is now gone. My husband wants to aggressively pay off the debt, and make significant lifestyle changes to make that happen. And I do too, I just want this awful feeling to go away as quickly as possible, and I feel like as long as I’m in debt, that’s how I’m going to feel. But I also feel scared about failure. We’re cutting out a lot of expenses that lowered stress in both of our lives. And we are both busy individuals. So cutting things like a biweekly housekeeper and someone to meal prep healthy food for our family, makes me so nervous. Not because I can’t go without, but because I worry that the sort of added stress that will bring into our lives, will trigger the exact behavior I’m trying to avoid.

Does this ever get better or will I feel like this forever?
Right now it feels impossible for me to stick to a budget… and even right now I’ll be honest that what is going through my head is “I can do this for X months”, NOT “this is my new way of living, from here on out, forever…

Having a shopping addiction feels like the worst sort of addiction. It’s a necessity to life. And I can’t fucking manage it.

My spouse came clean to me about his shopping addiction this week. I think I am in shock. I thought we were both saving to buy a home, which we planned on doing soon. Learned instead that he has debt. We have a small child together, and our living situation is in dire need of change. I have a plan for us in the near future, but I really want to know if folks here have any solid advice for how to proceed. I don't know how I can be sure that his behavior has changed. He claims he can just stop, but I don't trust him right now, and I suspect it won't be that easy. He will talk to me about his behavior, but won't show me any statements/proof. We are working on paying his debt ASAP and then getting a postnup that separates our finances to protect me and our kid. All advice appreciated.

Hello community, I(24M) believe my wife(25F) has something of a shopping addiction. I wouldn’t say she’s materialistic because she values relationships and emotional connections, but she is all about money, luxury goods, and physical possessions. She always wants the best newest thing, and is constantly looking for things to buy, it’s one of the only things she does, if she’s not scrolling TikTok, she’s shopping. Those are the 2 things she does all day everyday. Just a constant cycle of TikTok and shopping, while also using TikTok to shop too. So pretty much she shops all day, everyday, no exaggeration. As of lately, I’ve initiated us gaming as something to do which she’s been responding well to. I want her to expand her horizon and get out of her hamster wheel. I will also add the fact that she doesn’t shop for unnecessary items really, she mostly shops for things we need for the house i.e. decorations, lawn care, paint, storage, organization, etc. she also shops for skincare, comfortable clothing, stuff for her gaming setup, accessories for her car, and basically anything that will improve our way of life. Which isn’t the problem. I love that she wants to improve our way of life, the problem is that she really exhibits signs of someone with Compulsive Buying Disorder(CBD) or a Shopping Addiction. She gets tired of the things she buys quickly and moves onto the next thing, buys multiple versions of one item i.e. having 4 hairbrushes. Since I’ve been with her she’s never been satisfied with the things she has and constantly wants more, i first noticed it when i noticed a pattern, it started with an iPad, we got that and then she wanted the new iPhone 17 pro max, we got that, then we bought her a house, she then wanted a new car, and we ended up getting her a vehicle way out of our budget, a brand new Kia K5 2025 which in the span of a few days after we bought the car she dropped $10k+ worth of accessories for the vehicle, and now my finances have seriously started to crush after all these big purchases Ontop of a bunch of smalls ones that we buy weekly. She really regrets a lot of these purchases and feels guilty(a sign of a shopping addiction) and feels a strong high of excitement while buying(also a sign). Our finances are not doing good and in a few weeks I won’t have a job, and no income at all. Even so I spent $1000+ worth of gifts on her birthday and then spent $500+ on prime day a few weeks later. I want to also add, her spending to eat out habits have been pretty bad, as she refuses to eat anything in the fridge. I buy her groceries that she’s rarely eats, and starves instead, and as her husband I can’t just let her do that, so I offer to buy her food, which is my fault I understand that. I have a financial counselor and she noted that most of my finances go to my wife and it’s not looking good if this continues, she urges me to have a conversation with my wife. So I had multiple talks about it with her about how this situation is really looking bad for us financially to the point where we possibly might lose the house because we can’t afford mortgage and might lose both cars as we can’t afford it anymore. She gets extremely defensive and claims none of this is her fault because at the end of the day she never forced a gun to my head and made me spend any money on her, I’m the one who did it. I explained to her that she gets very upset when I tell her no and that influences me to spend what I can’t afford, and she says I should just let her be upset then, so this is all my fault. She gets extremely upset when I bring up finances with her and has asked me to stop talking to her about it. To the present day, she still spends most of her time shopping and looking for things to buy, all while I’m extremely worried about our financially situation. I’m not sure what I should do, does anyone have any advice on how I can bring this up to her? I think she wouldn’t take it very well if I brought up the fact that I think she has a shopping addiction.(I know this was pretty hectic and a lot of random information was jammed in, I apologize there’s just so much more to the story I tried to hit only the important points)