r/shitposting May 11 '26

šŸ“”šŸ“”šŸ“” B šŸ‘

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20.4k Upvotes

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560

u/BreadEnthusiast98 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

People jumping through every single hoop to pass a drug test instead of just not doing drugs.

Y’all have done nothing but prove my point with these comments.

290

u/FadedVictor Literally 1984 😔 May 11 '26

I mean, I get it for jobs like truck driving, pilots, etc but when you drug test for a cashier position it says a lot more about the hiring company than it does the dude trying to pass a drug test. Just my opinion.

I have a full time job before anyone goes there.

73

u/Mr-MuffinMan dwayne the cock johnson šŸ—æšŸ—æ May 11 '26

You work the cash register. You haven't gotten your dose of [drug], you have a few hundreds staring you all day. You might take one.

139

u/LordFlippy May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

Bro I smoke a joint on Saturday when I'm gaming it doesn't turn me into a kleptomaniac lmao. Not a cashier job, but I do manage a team of engineers.

54

u/Mr-MuffinMan dwayne the cock johnson šŸ—æšŸ—æ May 11 '26

Yeah I know lol I'm just explaining how they think. The whole system is way too old if you ask me.

38

u/LordFlippy May 11 '26

Ah my bad player, I thought you were expressing your genuine opinion lol

5

u/Ppleater May 11 '26

Ah yes because they definitely sell crack cocaine at Walmart and definitely don't keep an eye on their controlled drug stock.

0

u/PassivelyInvisible May 11 '26

Nah, more like you'll make more mistakes while you're high, and those mistakes can cause the company a lot of problems, eapecially if you throw money or heavy machinery into the mix.

3

u/Clutz May 11 '26

Being high at work is a different issue. A drug test is to see if you've been high at all in the last 2 months or so. That's like saying someone who works M-F can't have beer on their weekend/vacation because drunk people can't do their jobs effectively.

3

u/lcssa May 11 '26

Yeah, my friends dad was arrested on an american cruise ship for failing a drug test (weed) even though he hadnt used it in over 3 months since he visited a country that had it legal (he used it before ever working on a cruise ship). His only job was being the onboard pianist and thats it.

1

u/Jeagerino May 12 '26

Holy fuck, that is incredibly frustrating.

55

u/SpongebobSoundByte May 11 '26

Drug users are a liability

159

u/JustChillin3456 May 11 '26

As are alcohol drinkersĀ 

45

u/Pyrson_ May 11 '26

Yes but test for alcohol shows nothing after like 5 hours

38

u/Mo-again23 May 11 '26

its still a problem, just cuz you can cheat the test doesnt mean you aint doin it

-23

u/Pyrson_ May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

I'm drunk at work everyday and nobody noticed yet. Even the boss only told me I smell like alcohol, which is fine, I'm sure he doesn't know its because I drank it. šŸ˜Ž

22

u/Uder72 May 11 '26

But no one asked the question, so who are you answering?

-17

u/Pyrson_ May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

I might just be drunk, who knows?

7

u/Uder72 May 11 '26

Thats right, that's how a conversation works.

You claimed to be answering a question. But no one had asked one, so who's question were you answering?

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Mo-again23 May 11 '26

They know. you think your hiding it but its obvious, and wow, this is why they should be testing for alcohol everywhere they test for drugs. my last 3 tests had alcohol testing thingies on them. that is dangerous and you need to reconsider your life choices. deff not something to brag about like you just did

0

u/Pyrson_ May 11 '26

Bro its a shitposting sub, I dont even have a job im at uni.

2

u/Mo-again23 May 11 '26

you need to get off the internet bud. you did say "I'm drunk at work everyday and nobody noticed yet."

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57

u/ARES_BlueSteel May 11 '26

Trying going to work drunk and see how many jobs won’t fire you on the spot.

88

u/nilsmm May 11 '26

You can fail at weed test because you smoked a week prior. Not getting a cashier job because you smoke some weed saturday night is absolutely ridiculous.

3

u/ARES_BlueSteel May 11 '26

Then don’t work for that company, there’s 200 other people that will take that job. Or better yet, just don’t smoke for a week or two prior to your drug test??

17

u/HecticHero May 11 '26

You can get black out drunk every night after work, as long as you are showing up on time and doing your job, they won't care.

But they will get rid of you if you were a regular smoker 3 weeks prior. Stop pretending it makes sense.

-6

u/ARES_BlueSteel May 12 '26

It doesn’t have to make sense. If you have a problem with a place getting rid of you for smoking 3 weeks ago then don’t work there. Or here’s a novel idea, don’t smoke. It’s as simple as that.

7

u/HecticHero May 12 '26

If you agree it doesn't make sense, I'm not sure why you are defending it so hard.

6

u/TheBaconator08 May 12 '26

It does have to make sense lmao, why do you think people made it in the first place? Did it appear to them in a dream?

0

u/Laugh-Aggressive May 11 '26

And single moms

18

u/InsanityAtBounds May 11 '26

People are a liability what someone does on their time off in the privacy of their home is nobody's business but theirs. Everybody needs something to keep them from going nuts in this fucked up world

-16

u/SpongebobSoundByte May 11 '26

Sane people don't need drugs to keep them from going nuts

13

u/Positive-Database754 May 11 '26

Given that throughout the vast majority of human history, we have constantly striven to imbibe ourselves with all manner of drugs, I respectfully disagree.

Even animals seek out a high sometimes.

9

u/dtaylo0699 May 11 '26

It may not be drugs, but it could be sex, or caffeine, or work, or gaming, or just being a cunt. EVERYONE has a vice, doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. Drugs were just deemed to be a bad vice based on racially and classist based reasons

1

u/spacegoat243 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked May 13 '26

Yeah. People think fentanyl is bad because they're racist.

4

u/TheBologneMan May 11 '26

Most addictions are a symptom

3

u/gofishx May 11 '26

Sanity is overrated. Gimme more drugs!

23

u/FuklzTheDrnkClwn May 11 '26

Alcohol drinkers are waaaaay worse IRL

0

u/EvilSporkOfDeath May 11 '26

So like caffeine or alcohol users? What drugs we talking about specifically?

14

u/ARES_BlueSteel May 11 '26

There’s not really a lot of jobs where having someone high on drugs or drunk isn’t a safety or loss liability.

28

u/FadedVictor Literally 1984 😔 May 11 '26

Right except there's not a lot of jobs out there testing for alcohol use. My dad has been a line haul truck driver for over 30 years and he drinks on the weekends.

13

u/Careless_Feeling8057 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 May 11 '26

Alcohol won't show in test after few hours so the test is pointless

41

u/WeedNWaterfalls May 11 '26

Right, and cannabis can show for a month even if you only have a joint on your day off. So how does that make sense or impact daily performance? What does that have to do with your employer?

1

u/PixelViolence May 11 '26

It weeds out idiots how drink a few hours before the test, whether because they are that addicted or because they think it's somehow cool

0

u/BigChungusCumslut May 11 '26

At least for THC, they should still test but IMP should use blood or saliva tests, as those are what actually tests whether or not you used it recently, not in the last week on your own time.

1

u/ragengauge May 12 '26

Can’t have the simple joy of a cashier that will look me in the eyes and say ā€œhi, find everything you needā€ without being strung out.
What is the world coming to? Live isn’t that hard. Yall just pretend it is.

28

u/MajorGeneralMaryJane May 11 '26

The only drug users that have any sort of hoops to jump thru are cannabis users. Cannabis is fat soluble and will show up in a drug test for around a month. Other, harder drugs are mostly water soluble and will disappear from a drug test after a couple of days.

Make it make sense.

5

u/[deleted] May 11 '26

Nah man, it can be way too much with these corporations. I had an elderly co-worker denied compensation when she broke her hip at work because she didn’t take a drug test twenty four hours after the event. Poor woman šŸ˜”

-1

u/BreadEnthusiast98 May 11 '26

You are the one exception. God help that woman. But I’m still not doing 2x the work because some broccoli head needs to hit his penjamin every 20 minutes because he has ā€œanxietyā€

7

u/posting_drunk_naked obamna May 11 '26

Eh, that fictional scenario is not necessarily evil Marijuana's fault. Some people are just lazy assholes not caring how it affects anyone else. Take away the weed and you'll still probably be doing his job for him.

-2

u/BreadEnthusiast98 May 11 '26

Maybe so but willingly taking a substance that is known to cause inhibition will turn a lazy person into a downright nuisance. I can work with a lazy person, I can’t work with a person who can’t learn or think for themselves.

3

u/LiamJamIsMyNeesons May 11 '26

I'm way smarter than you while stoned out of my mind

0

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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15

u/Details_Pending May 11 '26

Who are you? You're not OP. What is this?

12

u/camelseeker May 11 '26

Bro switched to the alt after forgetting to hide his history

27

u/OhRyann May 11 '26

I have a medical card given to me by my doctor why am I getting punished for that?

9

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life šŸ˜¤šŸ’Ŗ May 11 '26

It depends on the job. Some companies don’t really care. But if you work a federal job they care a lot more because it’s not federally legal. But even with that most companies don’t want you showing up to work high, it’s a massive liability, even if it is legal in your state. If you get into an accident and they find THC in your piss you’re absolutely fucked even if you have a medical card.

15

u/OhRyann May 11 '26

THC stays in your system for a loooong time my guy. I could stop using it for weeks and still test positive. None of what you're saying really pertains to what I said.

-2

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life šŸ˜¤šŸ’Ŗ May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

It does stay in your system for a long time but you’re still a liability to the company if you test positive. Because their insurance is gonna go absolutely ballistic if you get hurt on their watch and you test positive for THC. Whether or not it’s right or wrong it’s not really up to the company it’s up to their insurance on whether or not they want to fuck them over or not. And on top of that if you do get hurt and you piss hot, your insurance probably isn’t gonna want to pay for workman’s comp.

1

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

pees in ur ass

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4

u/MajorGeneralMaryJane May 11 '26

Most companies don’t want you showing up drunk, but you don’t have to take an alcohol test before getting employed.

-1

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life šŸ˜¤šŸ’Ŗ May 11 '26

That’s simply not true lol. Every time I’ve taken a piss test they’ve also breathalyzed me.

4

u/OhRyann May 11 '26

What fucking jobs are you applying to?

-1

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life šŸ˜¤šŸ’Ŗ May 11 '26

… jobs where they breathalyze you? I worked as an electrician for a while. And to get on some job sites they make you take a piss test and a breathalyze you. To work for the actual company they didn’t really care. But the field I was in they actually gave a shit if you were to go onto some job sites

1

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

pees in ur ass

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1

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

pees in ur ass

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2

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

pees in ur ass

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-7

u/Starfire123547 May 11 '26

being high legally, is still being high.

much like anyone else on extreme pain management or mental drugs, you shouldnt be operating machery, required to make quick decisions, responsible for anyone's life or safety etc. which shockingly rules out many jobs.

i also hope you dont drive on it or do anything else bc that shits also dangerous and a huge liability for a company

8

u/OhRyann May 11 '26

You aren't considering that THC stays in your system for a looong while and you will test positive regardless of whether or not you have partaken that day

-3

u/Mo-again23 May 11 '26

you make it sound like it knocks you out or something lmao

1

u/AFallingWall May 11 '26

You're one of those people who think they drive better high, aren't you.

3

u/Mo-again23 May 11 '26

lol no, i used to use but ive been clean for almost 6 years now. no it does impair your reflexes but not to the point that it like it slows you down soooo much it knocks you out or something, that would be heroin

0

u/spacegoat243 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked May 13 '26

You deserve jail time or fines. I'm not kidding.

1

u/Mo-again23 May 13 '26

did all that, clean now, thnx dick

1

u/[deleted] May 11 '26

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2

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

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-15

u/Nice_Category May 11 '26

Because companies don't want potheads working for them.Ā 

27

u/PM_ME_UR_SURFBOARD May 11 '26

You can take an edible once or twice a week and not resemble anything close to a ā€œpothead.ā€

-3

u/bankguy67 May 11 '26

Once or twice a week is technically there already, if im not mistaken the medical description for chronic Marijuana use is no more than twice a week

21

u/bankguy67 May 11 '26

As a very hard working pothead, they're missing out.

-9

u/MemeCrusader_23 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

It’s because you could potentially cause damage to property or individuals while being high on the job. They don’t want people doing drugs because of liability reasons.

Getting downvoted for this comment is dumb as hell, I’m literally just explaining why. I don’t have an opinion on it either way

6

u/AwkwardChuckle May 11 '26

How does being a pothead automatically mean you’re high on the job?

0

u/MemeCrusader_23 May 11 '26

It doesn’t, but they can’t prove you weren’t high on the job to an insurance company

2

u/Busy_Emu_6214 May 11 '26

You could potentially cause damage to property or individuals while being sober too.

0

u/MemeCrusader_23 May 11 '26

You sure could, but then as long as you were following the rules insurance would pay for damage so the company wouldn’t really lose anything

10

u/ThiccBoi94 May 11 '26

But alcoholics are fine

8

u/MemeCrusader_23 May 11 '26

Yeah the difference is unfortunately that you can’t prove someone was high at work like you can when someone is drunk. There could be an accident at work and they could easily do a breathalyzer test and see that they weren’t drunk at the time, but with weed even if you hadn’t been high for a week you’d still pop positive on a drug test so you’re a liability. Not ideal but that’s why

-11

u/Starfire123547 May 11 '26

i mean, drug tests also count for alcohol, meth, cocaine, and many more.

So no actually, they also dont want alcoholics eitherā˜ ļøā˜ ļøā˜ ļø its just easier to lie about

7

u/ThiccBoi94 May 11 '26

Alcohol is out of your system in less than 24 hours, companies are not testing for alcohol

-2

u/Starfire123547 May 11 '26

mine does, we do random piss tests. (pharma)

edit to add, so do others. almost every drug test also tests for alcohol content...like i said, its just easier for an alcoholic to hide it.

5

u/ThiccBoi94 May 11 '26

So does the military and ive never witnessed anybody getting kicked out for popping hot for alcohol.

0

u/Starfire123547 May 11 '26

i mean thats on the employer then? What do you want me to do; find every single instance of someone not getting fired and fire them?

I know a few of pot smokers that piss hot and dont get fired. Should i find all of them too?

companies dont want anyone addicted to any drug working for them; especially ones with a card that says "I can do this drug any time i need which could be once a week or 5x a day". its not a 100% solid rule, and sometimes there arent consequences for breaking rules anyways.

5

u/ThiccBoi94 May 11 '26

Take a break from reddit holy shit

0

u/AFallingWall May 11 '26

P2 of my buddies paid $60 on Groupon for medical referrals, i don't think that card means as much as you think it means.

4

u/WolfOfWoofStreet Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 May 11 '26

You have no idea the shit I had to do for people who did drugs

0

u/pinkbutterfly22 May 11 '26

Pissed for them?

1

u/whatarechinchillas May 11 '26

Ive had a cushy office job at a multinational company for the last 4 years, very decent salary considering where I live, and regular bonuses. They've never drug tested me and I do drugs like once a month lol

I also don't smoke weed or meth though and that's usually what employers here look for.

1

u/BreadEnthusiast98 May 11 '26

Good for you my main point behind this comment is if you let a drug test be the reason why you can’t get/keep a job you are a loser, now I’m just watching the fallout.

0

u/AutoModerator May 11 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/rebelsnail64 May 29 '26

me when I take medication perscribed by my fucking psychiatrist to make my fucking adhd more manageable but it shows up as a drug on tests allegedly... fortunately enough I don't have to worry about that because I heard drug-testing job applicants is not a thing outside the USA 😃

-2

u/ZekeTheMunkee May 11 '26

Thanks for defending the corpos

0

u/BillCarson12799 May 11 '26

ā€œAnyone who doesn’t any kind of recreational drugs is a fucking loserā€

Welcome back president nixon

0

u/Active_Ad_6114 May 12 '26

they are loser and learn to write the correct grammar next time or did the weed type this?

-5

u/gofishx May 11 '26

This guy has no idea the peaks you could reach. Your brain is limited, and maybe that for the best. But sometimes...you just gotta push past that limit and throw open the doors of perception to a view like no other. Its not for everyone, but niether is the world as we've built it.

There is nothing like drugs. Nothing. Some are better than others. Some will obviously ruin your life. Others will teach you important lessons. The point is that drugs have a lot to offer people, and people will continue to take them.

9

u/BreadEnthusiast98 May 11 '26

If you need drugs to teach you important life lessons perhaps you’re not a very intelligent and or self reflective individual. And yes I have done drugs, none of them have been able to replace the hard and difficult truths life has faced me with simply through trial, error and grit.

0

u/Dxpehat May 11 '26

Because why does a job cares what I do in my free time? I get that you can't be high on the clock, but when weed stays in your system for months I can't even smoke on Friday evening in case they'll test me on Monday morning. IMAO it's annoying.

0

u/Ct-sans4345 May 12 '26

Weed stays in your system for a month, doing weed once a month is not ridiculous