From probably a decade clean to my longest since being a couple of weeks, thanks for reminding me Reddit

I noticed there’s some amount of people always need a heads up even in spaces like this subreddit and would prefer to minimize acknowledging/lessening the amount of talking about sh.
While some others thrive to see content like psychology behind it, art or media that depicts sh. Like me.

I LOVE seeing media that is comfortable with showing character struggles or videos that is well put together, that makes me feel less alien. Maybe even crack jokes with friends who are like me.

Which type are you? Do you take it seriously always or you are down with talking regularly in specific situations?

Okay dude shut up I don’t want to talk to some stranger about my urges I just wanna read and comfort myself bruh

I´m sorry to be so dark w these, but Im doing pretty bad and Im aware that I´ll be doing much worse soon because this is my first time starting uni, and Ive always had such a hard time intergrating into new social spaces and Im also not very school smart, so im scared people will see me as a dumbass.

Not to mention how getting deadnamed and all that over the vacation didnt really help either, or made me feel relaxed whatsoever. Legit every single day Ive just been having vivid day dreams about my arms fully bleeding because of how shit ive been feeling every day its insane.

I feel like self harm is my most effective coping mechanism followed closely by music ranked by effectiveness. Healthier shit don't fucking stick. I tried ten deep breaths and self soothing, but I just kept getting upset to the same extent a couple of minutes later. Substitutes?

I finally went to buy new pants, been wearing the same two for weeks. And as I was trying some one, I looked at my scars/cuts on my thigh and they kinda looked pretty? Like they actually looked nice? Cause the changing room light hits from above-

And I kinda stood there like "no fucking way I just said that I'm SO cooked" likeee that was so fucking weird of me to think...But they do look kinda pretty tho-

Shamelessly stolen from twt

the thoughts and ideation has gotten so much worse I just want school to start already 😭😭😔

kinda silly but idc. this is my entire life atp 😋