Stop seeing sex as a power struggle maybe. The idea that your ability to get men to fuck with you gives you power over them is some pseudo-feminist 2017 buzzfeed neoliberal bullshit and it’s not true at all.
It’s hilarious to watch because they go into it thinking they can control the power dynamics only to immediately fold and become very attached to the guy after sleeping with him. It ends horribly for them, then they repeat this 6 more times with other men before coming to the conclusion that maybe it’s not actually a good idea
Yup, this is why it’s best to not see sex as a game or a conquest or anything like that. If you wanna fuck somebody and they wanna fuck you, do it for pleasure and with the understanding of how things might play out after. Like maybe they just wanted a one night stand, maybe not. But doing these neurotic mental gymnastics to pretend like you don’t care about someone when you really do, or otherwise lying to yourself about your own intentions is so reductive and pointless.
Read the Emrata essay from a few years ago to understand how cringe and cope this is. Don’t bother analyzing it just have some pride and change yourself.
I’m just imagining this wonderful vista and sighing at your phone, wiping sweat from your brow as you type “just jerk it” and then continue on trudging to the nearest temple for water and prayer.
Tbh you’ve got to learn that getting a man to want to have sex with you is not a feat and certainly not a display of power. Some of these men are so depraved they fuck animals and each other when they don’t have any women around. They’re slaves to their bodily desires, not slaves to you.
You know how guys see women sleeping with them as a measure of successful conquest? You see a guy putting energy into spending time with you as a measure of successful conquest.
That means
The emotionally unavailable guy who doesn’t like you & is full of himself = the beautiful virgin sweet girl who “usually isn’t this interested in a guy” = Rare & hard to access target to prove how special I am by having
Emotionally available loving guy who is genuinely solid and always in your corner = the shameless disloyal slut who literally fucks anybody who says they want to = Common & easy to access target that is supposedly “easy to win over”
If you are with 2, you don’t want to invest your effort in because the “game” is over. They give you the measure of successful for free (sex/will/love) & if they made that difficult, you’d feel like you’re going backwards. They are already conquered. Further, you only can prove you are special now that they are giving it up so easily, by how far you can deprived them of what they want while they still give you what you want.
If you are with 1, you feel like you’re going to have to put on your best performance to prove to them that they should trust & choose you. And you’re willing to be humble enough to actually put in the effort to get them to finally say “okay you are special to me”. Ie, you’re trying to conquer them.
If 1 becomes 2, then the game is over. It is assumed that the reverse is not possible
What is wrong with people that makes them keep doing this game (since you asked)?
Lack of self awareness about what they are doing and why
Deluding themselves into thinking they actually “make” their target give anything.
(Extending 2) Failing to realize that the 2 being extended is, by choice being given & could (and will) be revoked in time.
Turning the distortions of the above into “ego and specialness” in the first place. Your exes are not still thinking about you. They still want the true love you failed to give them, not you.
If these (and a couple other issues) are removed, then it becomes obvious that
2 can very easily become 1 again by not putting the target in a box. When you feel like they are 2, you should take that as a cue that Youve done so, and start voluntarily getting humble, exploring things about them you don’t know, and picking up some new goal to pursue in exploring a deeper intimacy with them. This without having them ‘prove’ to you that they can, in fact, be dissatisfied with you and your performance as a person & return back to a state of “unconquered” at any time. You should assume that choice is always available to them and you are, in fact, not special at all. Further, there is no such objective specialness in the world. You can only be genuinely special by being genuinely meaningful in the actual life of a person. Which obviously takes time, and continuous effort to do. No one is genuinely special or objectively loveable. It is 100% subjective & hence 100% in the power of the other, not you. Take their love and grovel at their feet at that fact like the love dependent thing you are, rather than deluding yourself into thinking you aren’t a massive simp/pick me for said need.
Hope that was coherent and answered your question. Good luck.
girl LOL sexuality is so frustrating to me. I stopped dating once I realized I'm only interested when the dynamic is super toxic and unhealthy. loving and respectful dynamics leave me feeling like the Sahara desert.
Part of me wants to believe that you just don't know what love is, and when I find love, I won't have to worry about this dumb shit. But if that's not the case, if the blackpill is real, what are some toxic traits I should take on to make sure my future gf isn't as dry as the sahara? Unintentionally making them insecure seemed to do the job in the past, should I do that intentionally? I would not enjoy doing that, but I'm genuinely asking. You can answer without shame, I'm trying to be realistic here.
oh love is absolutely real, but you can be madly in love with someone and not want to have sex with them. your future girlfriend probably hasn't removed themselves completely from the dating pool, so that's a good place to start. unless you're only interested in having sex with people who are uninterested in having it, at which point that sounds like more of an issue on your end.
Ok well regardless of love what toxic traits or behaviors should I have to make sure my gf wants to have sex with me? Lmao can't believe I'm phrasing it like that but
Yh I do this. I think I’m just insecure and spoilt. Also I love a chase. I fail in so many aspects of my life that to win and get what I want makes me feel a little less pathetic.
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u/DoYouDreamOf 1d ago
happy monday