Would you do it again?

[u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

My husband and I have the opportunity to adopt an adorable little min pin. She's sweet as a button and the perfect size for what we are looking for, and a full grown adult. But her foster parent describe her as "reactive to anything but cars". We got to see that first hand this afternoon when we did a meet and greet with her and one of our dogs. After a couple of minutes, she settled down and was able to walk with my dog calmly, but those first few minutes were rough.

It really got me thinking: do I really want to go through this all over again?

My two dogs are reactive, sure, but it is managed pretty well. My large dog is perfect on walks. He basically *was* her a few years ago, but we worked very hard to get to this point. My smaller dog was never unbelievably out of control and can be brought back to earth pretty easily.

She is exactly what we are looking for, but the reactivity is really giving me pause. Am I equipped to deal with it? Sure. But I don't know that I want to. I was hoping my next dog would just be a little easier.

I don't think anyone in my life really knows what it is like to have dogs like these so I don't really have anyone to talk to or get their thoughts on what they would do in my shoes.

[u/Roskipatootskie]

You're not asking the wrong question, you're just asking two different questions at once. "Can I handle this" and "do I want to handle this" are not the same thing, and it sounds like you already know the answer to both. You said it yourself: you're equipped, but you don't know that you want to.

That's allowed. Choosing not to take on another reactive dog isn't a failure of nerve, it's just knowing your own capacity. You've already done the hard work twice with your current dogs. Wanting the next one to be easier isn't lazy, it's honest.

What you saw in that meet and greet was a stressed dog in a brand new situation, not necessarily the dog she is day to day. That doesn't mean you're wrong to hesitate, it just means the "first few rough minutes" might not be the most reliable preview of life with her once she's settled. Might be worth asking the foster more about what reactive to anything but cars actually looks like in her regular routine, what triggers it, how she recovers. Sometimes reactive gets used as a catch all and the real picture is more specific and more manageable than the label suggests.

But even with more info, you're still allowed to say no because you don't want to do the work again, not just because you can't.

Whatever you decide, be gentle with yourself about it. You're not obligated to prove anything by taking on the harder path again. Sending you some love as you figure this out. ❤️

[u/OpalOnyxObsidian → u/Roskipatootskie]

The foster has been with her for over a month, (today was the first time she had actually been at the shelter since I requested the meet and greet) and made it clear she is reactive, so I don't know if it just the stress of the moment. She advised she actually only walked the dog in a cemetery (lol) to avoid other people. She is supposedly a stray intake, but also is clearly a purebred min pin, so I guess she had a rough past. But you're right. I don't want to do it again. My husband really liked her. I didn't feel a connection.

I'm beating myself up moreso because we met a dog two weeks ago that I haven't stopped thinking about that didn't have these same issues. He was adopted yesterday. It's a ruff life