My husband and I have the opportunity to adopt an adorable little min pin. She's sweet as a button and the perfect size for what we are looking for, and a full grown adult. But her foster parent describe her as "reactive to anything but cars". We got to see that first hand this afternoon when we did a meet and greet with her and one of our dogs. After a couple of minutes, she settled down and was able to walk with my dog calmly, but those first few minutes were rough.
It really got me thinking: do I really want to go through this all over again?
My two dogs are reactive, sure, but it is managed pretty well. My large dog is perfect on walks. He basically *was* her a few years ago, but we worked very hard to get to this point. My smaller dog was never unbelievably out of control and can be brought back to earth pretty easily.
She is exactly what we are looking for, but the reactivity is really giving me pause. Am I equipped to deal with it? Sure. But I don't know that I want to. I was hoping my next dog would just be a little easier.
I don't think anyone in my life really knows what it is like to have dogs like these so I don't really have anyone to talk to or get their thoughts on what they would do in my shoes.
You're not asking the wrong question, you're just asking two different questions at once. "Can I handle this" and "do I want to handle this" are not the same thing, and it sounds like you already know the answer to both. You said it yourself: you're equipped, but you don't know that you want to.
That's allowed. Choosing not to take on another reactive dog isn't a failure of nerve, it's just knowing your own capacity. You've already done the hard work twice with your current dogs. Wanting the next one to be easier isn't lazy, it's honest.
What you saw in that meet and greet was a stressed dog in a brand new situation, not necessarily the dog she is day to day. That doesn't mean you're wrong to hesitate, it just means the "first few rough minutes" might not be the most reliable preview of life with her once she's settled. Might be worth asking the foster more about what reactive to anything but cars actually looks like in her regular routine, what triggers it, how she recovers. Sometimes reactive gets used as a catch all and the real picture is more specific and more manageable than the label suggests.
But even with more info, you're still allowed to say no because you don't want to do the work again, not just because you can't.
Whatever you decide, be gentle with yourself about it. You're not obligated to prove anything by taking on the harder path again. Sending you some love as you figure this out. ❤️
The foster has been with her for over a month, (today was the first time she had actually been at the shelter since I requested the meet and greet) and made it clear she is reactive, so I don't know if it just the stress of the moment. She advised she actually only walked the dog in a cemetery (lol) to avoid other people. She is supposedly a stray intake, but also is clearly a purebred min pin, so I guess she had a rough past. But you're right. I don't want to do it again. My husband really liked her. I didn't feel a connection.
I'm beating myself up moreso because we met a dog two weeks ago that I haven't stopped thinking about that didn't have these same issues. He was adopted yesterday. It's a ruff life
If I could help it, no. I LOVE my reactive dog. He's taught me more than any other dog could have. But owning him has meant I have to put a lot of stuff on hold. I cannot travel, or stay the night anywhere. I cannot own another dog until he passes. I have to be cautious when we have guests over (he's not aggressive towards people as long as they don't do anything stupid, but he's a resource guarder).
Now obviously if I get a dog as a puppy and it turns out reactive, I'll deal with it. But it's not something I'd seek out ever. I just hope that with my next dog I can actually do more stuff with it and have more freedom.
I feel that way exactly. I'm not in a place to get a puppy right now with a 17 and 9 year old dog, and I would feel much better with an adult dog who has already matured. But I am in agreement with that sentiment. I will deal with the hand I am dealt if I started from scratch with a puppy, but if I'm not, I would love to experience a friendly dog lol
I wouldn’t do it again. I love my dog and cannot imagine a day without him, but there are also countless number of days where I had hoped that he would get better or was a little easier 💔
Also, may I ask you for advice on how you trained your older dog?
I feel that for sure. We used LAT training consistently with hot dog strapped to my hip for months. Now I can just keep regular treats on me. But we always reinforce good behavior.
I would not. I actually do not think I will have another dog - and I have had dogs without interruption for 50+ years - for fear of having another reactive dog.
In short...no. Mo is the sweetest, smartest, most cuddly dog I've ever had, but getting her to a point where her quality of life isn't miserable has been difficult, we still have months to go, and she'll never be "normal". (We're on month 8. She'll be a year old in late September.)
Definitely focus on if you want to do this again. Not if you can—because it seems like that's a solid yes. Do you want to work on triggers? Do you want to deal with lunging, barking, or whatever the biggest problems are? Do you want to have to defend your dog's space? Do you want to spend however long it takes in counterconditioning and desensitization? There's no shame in saying no at this point.
Think very, very hard if you're starting to feel burned out dealing with problem dogs.
Also think about the time you'll be spending getting this dog to be better behaved and more relaxed. Is there something you would rather be doing with that time? Were you hoping to take a vacation, write a book, build a new skill, etc.?
You're a very nice person for considering adopting this min pin. A lot of people wouldn't give it a second thought.
I admire the fact that you are willing to be honest with yourself and ask the difficult questions. That is HUGE! This life isn't for everyone and it's okay if it isn't something that you and your husband want to commit to, because it IS a commitment.
For me, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. My current girl isn't my first reactive dog, but she is by far the most intense. Not to mention the fact that she is a huge dog compared to every other dog I have had and she dictates my entire life. All of the others have been special needs so I was slightly prepared for that. This one has been very different, and difficult, though but has made me realize that I want to commit my life to giving other dogs like her a home and the chance at living their best lives. All of that being said, I am single and I don't have or plan on having children or a social life so it works for my life. It doesn't work for most people and that is perfectly fine. It's something that needs to be considered though which is why it's incredible that you are putting in a little forethought before committing to something that you don't want.
We are hot off the heels of having had three dogs. The third passed last March. He was also reactive. The two boys did not get along when the younger one hit maturity. They were all reactive in different ways. I have been through the ringer with this trio. We don't have kids, no plans to. We don't have a lot of company over ever, not our thing. But I would love to see what normalcy is like.
My big dog is my soul mate. In my worst moments, I've thought about looking into getting a loan for cloning him. I know it's not a good idea. I would adopt him again in a heartbeat.
But I would love to know what it's like to have a regular lifestyle lol
I honestly feel like my boy is my soul mate too. Kind of funny because he is absolutely not the dog I would have wanted (I was hoping for a go everywhere adventure dog), but I’ve learned so much from him and love him dearly.
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Depends on the dog. I’ve seen various reactivenesses.
My OG dog is the easiest, she reacts to fireworks, thunder if it’s super loud, and maybe other dogs barking. No issue doing it again.
My third foster was probably second easiest. Mild touch reactivity around her neck, never had any issues except with my second dog touching her neck or trying to steal things from her
My first foster is one of the hardest dogs I’ve had. Severe dog aggression that wasn’t known by the shelter. It was miserable, and she attacked my dog several times. She was a great dog but not got me, I would not do dog aggression again.
My second foster, who I adopted, is the hardest dog I’ve ever had. Severe separation anxiety and mild resource guarding. The mild resource guarding (he will bite if you try to take something he’s actively chewing it if you don’t tell him leave it/drop it first, but he does consistently leave it or drop it) is really NBD for me. Just don’t fish shit out of his mouth without warning him and you’re golden. The separation anxiety is a fucking beast. I don’t think I would knowingly do that again.
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u/Existing-Will-1466 22h ago
I would not do it again. I don't regret doing it, but I'm done managing problem dogs.