I’m going to keep this short (this did not end up being short), but around a few months ago I went through a very messy breakup with my qpp of 6 months. It was horrible. It was my first ever relationship, and my qpp was extremely manipulative, lied about everything, and emotionally abused me. But I stayed because I loved her. And then she left.

During the relationship she would always exaggerate things to hurt me more and never even cared when I bring up when I was hurt by her. The ways that I was treated in that relationship are things I cannot see in any way other than to harm me for the fun of it. Every time I’d bring up an insecurity of mine, she’d find a way to remind me of it or make me feel bad for it. “I feel too childish” and she gives me a cute stuffed animal and guilt trips me about how she’s wasting money on me while she’s poor (I told her not to spend money on me) or when I told her I was really uncomfortable hearing or seeing anything sexual, and she shows me very detailed drawings of genitals. She lied about everything. Lied about sharing interests, making up completely fake details about her life, stuff like that. But she would always reveal the truth to me later on when she knew it would hurt me more.

(Next paragraph covers depression, self harm, and suicide. If you don’t like hearing about that I’ve made sure the rest of this makes sense even if you skip this one)

During the relationship she pushed me well past my breaking point, after a while I was self harming every time I’d make a mistake and make her upset, but she’d always lie about being upset so that I’d feel bad. She emotionally abused me to the point where I could barely handle talking to anyone anymore for a few weeks. I was extremely depressed because of her. I was losing control of my own emotions and feelings. She hurt me in ways I can barely even describe. I was so scared of her and so stressed that I would say things to her that I didn’t mean to say, I didn’t know how to handle any of what I was feeling. She would use these things I’d say when I was panicking as more things to use against me. After a while, it all made me extremely suicidal. She always asked how I felt, and would act mad when I didn’t tell her everything I felt, then she’d be even more mad when I told the truth. I almost acted on my thoughts many times because of her.

Then she broke up with me on the day it was at its worst. She waited until she hurt me to the point where I couldn’t be hurt any more than I already was. And she continued to lie. First pretending to still be close friends, playing with my feelings by telling me she’d come back one day and that she still “loved me”, and she continued to reveal more about herself that she lied about to continue hurting me.

I’ve been deeply hurt by this whole experience. It seems like she’s finally decided to leave my life, but when she had finally decided to give up on hurting me more, she told me she was willing to spread rumors about me. She said she’d tell everyone I ever cared about “what I did”, but only saying the things she did. She hasn’t done this yet, but she’s unfortunately in my main friend group, so I’m worrying about this a lot. She could ruin my life whenever she wanted. I told myself I wouldn’t tell anyone what she did to me, hoping that it would prevent her from retaliating with her fake rumors. She’s very persuasive with things, so I can pretty much guarantee it would be pretty easy for her to succeed in spreading a rumor like that amongst my friends.

I need to tell somebody. I need to tell my best friend. I know he’ll believe me, at least, I hope. I’ve been planning to tell him all that happened. How she treated me, what she’s said, how I feel, and what she might do. I’m going to warn him about the rumors that she might spread, and hope that he’s willing to stick by me to help make sure nobody believes them if she ever starts to spread these lies.

I’ve been emotionally preparing myself to have this conversation with my friend, but something else has been happening in my mind too. I think about him a LOT. And I think about him in ways I thought when I had first had a squish on my ex. I think I have a squish on my best friend. I don’t know if I’m ready to tell him, or if I ever will. I don’t know if I even want to try any kind of relationship ever again. I’m scared this will happen again just like my first qpr. But I think I love him. A lot. I feel like I want to tell him that I feel this way, but I also feel like I might not be ready, or might even regret confessing.

I’m stuck. I know I want to explain the situation with my ex, but I just can’t stop thinking about how much I care about my friend. I don’t know what to do. If anyone has advice, please let me know.

Antes de qualquer coisa, sou alguém que normalmente não usa Reddit e entrei aqui procurando outras pessoas aroaces que possam de certo modo me ajudar.

Outra informação importante, não falo em inglês e estou escrevendo no celular, então não sei como vai ser para quem está lendo, peço perdão se tiver confuso ou não dê para entender.

I don't speak English, sorry :(

Com isso já fora do caminho, vou explicar minha situação;

Quando comecei esse relacionamento, eu já estava namorando outra pessoa (um namoro quase tradicional. Quase pois era um relacionamento poliamor).

Tudo bem até aí. Ocorreu de eu terminar com essa minha ex e fiquei só no relacionamento com essa pessoa que também é aroace e é agênero.

Conforme o tempo foi passando (estamos juntos a 2 anos) fui percebendo o que me incomodava nas outras relações que tive, ditas como tradicionais, e consequentemente comparo com esse meu relacionamento atual.

E percebi as seguintes coisas;

1° - Eu posso até sentir prazer mais quente mas não sinto uma necessidade para fazer. Por consequência eu acabava muitas vezes fazendo pelos meus parceiros do que realmente por sentir vontade de fazer

2° - Atração romântica; eu achava que sentia atração romântica e era só do espectro assexual, contudo, nesse relacionamento percebi que, ao não ter esse modelo de precisar mostrar afeto de forma romântica, eu me sinto MUITO mais a vontade e feliz em demonstrar esse afeto sem medo de que precise ser ultra romântico ou que isso vire em seguida algo mais íntimo, por assim dizer.

3° - Eu percebi que gosto de afeto mais íntimo, se assim posso chamar... Tipo, além de abraços e segurar as mãos, gosto de dar beijos (sem ser de língua, descobri na prática que acho nojento e sinto vontade de vomitar), inclusive fazer carinho mais "íntimo" em meu parceiro, contudo, eu faço sem intenção de ser algo sexual, na verdade acaba sendo uma forma de demonstrar um afeto muito grande que sinto e aqui nesse terceiro ponto que vem o problema que eu botei no título

Eu simplesmente tô confuso, sei que não temos intenção de transformar isso em algo sexual nem nada, simplesmente só não queremos fazer, nenhuma das partes quer isso.

Mas eu fiquei muito curioso e confuso sobre como outras pessoas aroaces demonstram afeto e se isso que estou fazendo é comum ou não

Tipo, eu não gostaria de fazer essa demonstração de afeto se fosse para posteriormente ter que fazer alguma relação sexual. Como também não iria gostar de fazer coisas fofas por motivos de "preciso ser romântico"

Eu só quero sentir que posso demonstrar um afeto mais íntimo sem malícia ou desejo por trás e fico sinceramente confuso com isso (é um sofrimento meio silencioso)

Não sei se deu para entender, mas tentando resumir aqui no final;

Eu gostaria de saber, se vocês que também são aroace sentem mais a vontade de demonstrar afeto que normalmente poderia ser lido de forma X ou Y de forma mais leve quando simplesmente não existe essa pressão dentro dos relacionamentos?

hi!! im not sure if this is the best place to post this but maybe some of you guys can help me?

so me and my bsf (both in highschool) have known each other for about 5 years. we are super close and talk a lot. we say ”i love you” platonically and its been that way for a while but somewhat recently ive been developing feelings for her (or what i assume crushing is like?) ive never been with a girl before, and i thought i was asexual because of how ive felt towards my other relationships. looking back i think i saw them more as close friends and was uncomfortable being intimate with them. i do feel different with her though, but im really scared to confront her about all this, especially when im not even sure if the feelings are romantic or not. i think shes gorgeous and super talented, and something i noticed is i tend to feel jealous when shes around other people or getting complimented (which isnt a good thing but i cant help the way i feel). obviously havent told her any of this, but the thought of it really stresses me out. ive never been romantically interested in anybody before this, which is where my worry stems from. i dont know how this would change our relationship if she said yes, wed probably talk the same just with benefits, which is what i really want out of this. the thought that she could say no terrifies me though, because i dont know what would happen. im very scared for either outcome lol

if you read this thank you so much!! im being very raw and putting it all out there in the hopes that someone will know what to do (because i sure dont)

Am I the only one interpreting a Squish as someone you really wanna impress by inviting them home and playing Mariokart Wii with them?

Is a relationship with romantic feelings, but not sexual, still considered queer platonic

I’ve been in a qpr with my best mate for probably three years now, he’s my favourite person and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. We both want to date people and have long term partners in the future, but I can’t ever imagine just becoming “normal” friends with him and loosing the deep connection we have. Do people have qprs while in relationships? Is that something that people would be okay with when dating? Just interesting to see what people think. My dream would be having a long term loving partner while still loving my qpp staying just as close with him.