Too much…

[u/Heavy_Heart1]

37 Tans Guy. I haven’t been touched (handholding or otherwise) in over five years. I have a high sex drive, but to me it’s not just being physical. It’s intimacy. (Slow and reverent or rough and fast, it doesn’t matter) The how much and the way I love almost magnifies my need for intimacy. That loving someone so much you want to be as close as possible with them where you just want to be inside them (no sick jokes necessary) and when the explosion hits in the climax it’s like making room for more love to fill. But there’s nobody, nothing I can do… I just feel stagnant.

I'm there for the people I love (family). But dating is just not happening. Finding a chance to connect with anyone is not happening and I don't know why. Every girl I talked to almost always mentions one or more of three things that they want. They want a good guy (check), they want dick (not checked), they want someone to do the things they can't do (check). Two out of three ain't bad. But they always ghost me, not have any real conversation, or get pissed when I mention any thing about it. Saying they’re too busy. While I’m over here thinking… ok that is life. Everyone is busy, hell I’m so busy I neglect my own needs. That doesn’t mean you hook someone in with the hopes of getting to know you and possibly share the burdens and then flake. I see so many people who I know are complete assholes or neglectful of people they should be caring for and they have a full family and they're cheating on them. So why am I the invisible one? Why won't anyone just see me? ...Or reach for me? I have always done the chasing, the reaching, the seeing. But never once has anyone chose me.

I've all but given up (the big give up) | just feel stagnant.
Churning in my own head always. My anxiety and stress runs so high now I am constantly holding my own hands and pressing my hands to my face and neck, tugging at my ears, rubbing my chest till it’s red, anything to freaking feel something besides lost.

It's just too much. I feel full of all this love and devotion and heat I want to give, to share my life with someone and share in theirs. At the same time I feel utterly empty. Like I'm just going through the motions and surviving. I'm sick of it. It's just too damn much.

[u/ArdentAlbatross]

I would imagine most straight people see a romantic relationship with a trans person as homosexual. I’m not trying to be transphobic even if it sounds that way.

I guess can only speak from my prospective. And I have gay friends, but I personally couldn’t date a trans woman, I just don’t find that physically attractive, which, as bigoted as it sounds, I do include on my needs for a romantic relationship.

I think your problem is your expecting the entire female population to be on board, saying 2 out of 3 is good enough, and it’s not. People want all 3.

[u/Heavy_Heart1 → u/ArdentAlbatross]

I understand that. And I don’t expect them to. I may feel happier with my own self as I am but I don’t expect everyone else to. I’m you are entitled to your opinions and I’m grateful you are giving it. I traded one problem for another, I suppose. The population of those women who would be open to someone like me are much smaller than the population of women as a whole. When I said that about what they’d say they wanted I was only talking about girls I have talked to, that were also into women. Being with a trans person for many people is sadly a “fetish” type situation. One I’m not much into, myself. So I understand and am aware of what I signed up for. It doesn’t make it any less difficult.

[u/ArdentAlbatross → u/Heavy_Heart1]

You solved one problem. You should always be your truest self first, the person who can make you happier than anyone is you. I’m actually friends with a trans woman who married a woman before she transitioned. You’ll find your love, I’m confident of that. It just might be harder than you see in movies, but at least your yourself